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anon criticizes enderman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/13/18(Thu)13:28:16 No.787288109 >don't like eye contact >pick up random things they find >make random noises Are endermen autistic? 86 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/13/18(Thu)13:28:16 No.787288109 >don't like eye contact >pick up random things they find >make random noises Are endermen autistic? 86 KB JPG

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Anon cooks dinner for his family | /r/Greentext


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Anon is fat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)01:29:11 No.47665686 074e7c5b-329e-49d7-b555-91929a374b37.jpg 57 KB JPG >be me >Watching Netflix health documentary >"haha fat people" >They're filming fatties in the street >"hey, I have that shirt" >"hey, I have those cargo shorts" >"hey, I know that building" >mfw 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)01:29:11 No.47665686 074e7c5b-329e-49d7-b555-91929a374b37.jpg 57 KB JPG >be me >Watching Netflix health documentary >"haha fat people" >They're filming fatties in the street >"hey, I have that shirt" >"hey, I have those cargo shorts" >"hey, I know that building" >mfw 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon likes his job. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/19(Thu)22:19:35 No.461562961 >be me, smoke grenade >love my f----- job >operator-san chooses me and pulls my ring out >make a *FWOOOM* as I fly through the air in sheer pleasure >feel my thin shiny exterior scratch as I 38 KB JPG bounce off many a wall into a tight tactical spot >know he abuses me because he loves me too >thought I could contain myself a little longer this time but I can't, my fuse is perfectly measured >release my blinding contents all over the enemies eyes with a loud *FWOOSHHHHHHHHH* as I climax god I love my f----- job : Anonymous 05/09/19(Thu)22:20:38 No.461563079 >>461562961 (OP) # what
: Anonymous 05/09/19(Thu)22:19:35 No.461562961 >be me, smoke grenade >love my f----- job >operator-san chooses me and pulls my ring out >make a *FWOOOM* as I fly through the air in sheer pleasure >feel my thin shiny exterior scratch as I 38 KB JPG bounce off many a wall into a tight tactical spot >know he abuses me because he loves me too >thought I could contain myself a little longer this time but I can't, my fuse is perfectly measured >release my blinding contents all over the enemies eyes with a loud *FWOOSHHHHHHHHH* as I climax god I love my f----- job : Anonymous 05/09/19(Thu)22:20:38 No.461563079 >>461562961 (OP) # what

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Anon is a social outcast | /r/Greentext

>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of >at a school party >everyone's dancing, I just awkwardly stand there >a stacy from my class comes up 42 KB JPG to me >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face >autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds >then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can >next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by such a lowlife >mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad >take that stacy
>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of >at a school party >everyone's dancing, I just awkwardly stand there >a stacy from my class comes up 42 KB JPG to me >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face >autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds >then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can >next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by such a lowlife >mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad >take that stacy

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Anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/25/20(Mon)01:07:02 No.828416704 > be me > haven't left the house for anything other than for walks all of quarantine > play video games i hate to forget about life 75 KB JPG > watch shows i've seen three times > lay in bed > haven't worked out in months > haven't worked in months > fantasize about dreams that i don't even enjoy, just imagine being accepted > fantasize of an afterlife or deeper meaning > wake up every morning with no feelings of excitement > have anxiety over a life i don't even have any goals for is there a worse life than a humans?
: Anonymous 05/25/20(Mon)01:07:02 No.828416704 > be me > haven't left the house for anything other than for walks all of quarantine > play video games i hate to forget about life 75 KB JPG > watch shows i've seen three times > lay in bed > haven't worked out in months > haven't worked in months > fantasize about dreams that i don't even enjoy, just imagine being accepted > fantasize of an afterlife or deeper meaning > wake up every morning with no feelings of excitement > have anxiety over a life i don't even have any goals for is there a worse life than a humans?

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Anon has a gf | /r/Greentext


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Anon goes to Walmart | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/05/17(Wed)23:15:27 No.38183766 >bought some cheap shirt for $3 at Walmart >take it home and try it on >go to the mirror to see if it looks good >fits decently, turn slightly to check it out and smile at myself in the 236 KB PNG mirror >flashback to when my mom would buy me clothes as a kid, put them on me and l'd turn so she can see if they fit >then she'd smile at me >suddenly hit with massive feels >grew up pretty poor, mom and dad worked a lot just to afford very basic luxuries for me >I was always happy, I always had a smile on my face, I never went wanting >mid-20s now and moved to another state for work, haven't seen my beautiful mother in a long time >her birthday is coming up, gonna get her a card and a gift card to a clothing store Never take anyone you have in your life for granted anons ;-; 7 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 07/05/17(Wed)23:46:34 No.38184302 >>38183766 (OP)# Thank you for this story anon. This made me reminisce about days long gone.
: Anonymous 07/05/17(Wed)23:15:27 No.38183766 >bought some cheap shirt for $3 at Walmart >take it home and try it on >go to the mirror to see if it looks good >fits decently, turn slightly to check it out and smile at myself in the 236 KB PNG mirror >flashback to when my mom would buy me clothes as a kid, put them on me and l'd turn so she can see if they fit >then she'd smile at me >suddenly hit with massive feels >grew up pretty poor, mom and dad worked a lot just to afford very basic luxuries for me >I was always happy, I always had a smile on my face, I never went wanting >mid-20s now and moved to another state for work, haven't seen my beautiful mother in a long time >her birthday is coming up, gonna get her a card and a gift card to a clothing store Never take anyone you have in your life for granted anons ;-; 7 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 07/05/17(Wed)23:46:34 No.38184302 >>38183766 (OP)# Thank you for this story anon. This made me reminisce about days long gone.

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Anon's friend had regrets | /r/Greentext

1h (5/28 15:38) · 63880930 5 Re 2 Img JPG 45KB (680 × 760) 4 Replies GENDER REVEAL >have an Iranian online friend >he is secretly an atheist and basically a liberal >l tell him everything about western women >he changes his mind and becomes a muslim again Umm, based?
1h (5/28 15:38) · 63880930 5 Re 2 Img JPG 45KB (680 × 760) 4 Replies GENDER REVEAL >have an Iranian online friend >he is secretly an atheist and basically a liberal >l tell him everything about western women >he changes his mind and becomes a muslim again Umm, based?

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Anons day gets worse | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/21(Sat)19:02:05 No.63907311 >thread on sock is sticking out >try ripping it off >twirling it around my finger and tugging it >doesn't wanna rip off >keeps extending >try a few more times 809 KB JPG >by the time i give up and go get some scissors it's extremely long >sock is a lot tighter now today just got worse :(
: Anonymous 05/29/21(Sat)19:02:05 No.63907311 >thread on sock is sticking out >try ripping it off >twirling it around my finger and tugging it >doesn't wanna rip off >keeps extending >try a few more times 809 KB JPG >by the time i give up and go get some scissors it's extremely long >sock is a lot tighter now today just got worse :(

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Anon is very drunk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/28/19(Mon)18:25:00 No.50676323 >p--- blaring on the computer >drunk again >bottle of vodka right on the desk >d--- in my hand >moaning s--- like oh yeah baby f--- me look at that f----- ass 85 KB JPG >my dad walks up and closes my door >the door was open >puke into the bin and blackout >wake up in a dark room on the floor next to my bed >parents are talking and mom might be crying : Anonymous 01/28/19(Mon)18:37:35 No.50676520 >talking to p--- are you mentally disabled? >>50676592 #
: Anonymous 01/28/19(Mon)18:25:00 No.50676323 >p--- blaring on the computer >drunk again >bottle of vodka right on the desk >d--- in my hand >moaning s--- like oh yeah baby f--- me look at that f----- ass 85 KB JPG >my dad walks up and closes my door >the door was open >puke into the bin and blackout >wake up in a dark room on the floor next to my bed >parents are talking and mom might be crying : Anonymous 01/28/19(Mon)18:37:35 No.50676520 >talking to p--- are you mentally disabled? >>50676592 #

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why take medicine then? ;) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/18(Sun)10:25:21 No.763744016 >be me >28, live with wife >wake up in the morning to the smell of bacon and eggs >walk downstairs to greet my wife in the kitchen 65 KB PNG >she smiles at me >happiness >go over to medicine cabinet >hear my beautiful wife humming in the background >take my meds >2mg risperdal >turn to wife >she's gone >start cooking bacon and eggs
: Anonymous 03/25/18(Sun)10:25:21 No.763744016 >be me >28, live with wife >wake up in the morning to the smell of bacon and eggs >walk downstairs to greet my wife in the kitchen 65 KB PNG >she smiles at me >happiness >go over to medicine cabinet >hear my beautiful wife humming in the background >take my meds >2mg risperdal >turn to wife >she's gone >start cooking bacon and eggs

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Anon is a helpful brother | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 792698618 50 min ago ••• >be me, 26 m a few years ago >little sister calls me to ask if I can buy Girl Scout cookies >buy two boxes of thin mints >idea.png >tell little sister l'll make her tons of money >tell her to let me handle everything >turn on my computer >l'm a f------ genius >start selling "mystery boxes" through the dark web 81.4 kB JPG >there's an estimate shipment date of 2-3 weeks for the cookies to arrive >l sell a mystery box for $200 a pop >End up selling about 60-70 mystery boxes in three days >tell my sister >she is super happy >feelsgoodman >sister sold the most and got some award >mfw I operated an underground cookie ring >mfw I got contacted by the local police for shipping all those boxes of Girl Scout cookies but proved there was nothing illegal about it |
Anonymous | 792698618 50 min ago ••• >be me, 26 m a few years ago >little sister calls me to ask if I can buy Girl Scout cookies >buy two boxes of thin mints >idea.png >tell little sister l'll make her tons of money >tell her to let me handle everything >turn on my computer >l'm a f------ genius >start selling "mystery boxes" through the dark web 81.4 kB JPG >there's an estimate shipment date of 2-3 weeks for the cookies to arrive >l sell a mystery box for $200 a pop >End up selling about 60-70 mystery boxes in three days >tell my sister >she is super happy >feelsgoodman >sister sold the most and got some award >mfw I operated an underground cookie ring >mfw I got contacted by the local police for shipping all those boxes of Girl Scout cookies but proved there was nothing illegal about it |

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None of the above | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)12:01:50 No.3803848 What would you rather be killed by? >Grizzly >Great white >Tiger >Gorilla If you say "none of the above" you're gay. 115 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)12:05:23 No.3803851 >>3803848 (OP) # all of the above >>3803853 # >>3803856 #
: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)12:01:50 No.3803848 What would you rather be killed by? >Grizzly >Great white >Tiger >Gorilla If you say "none of the above" you're gay. 115 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)12:05:23 No.3803851 >>3803848 (OP) # all of the above >>3803853 # >>3803856 #

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Anon went to poo | /r/Greentext


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Anon gets banned | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/21(Sat)23:11:23 No.855636137 >be me >shitposting on b >get notification telling me i got banned for posting cp >f--- this >go on reddit >see notification >banned 117 KB PNG >tells me i was banned for posting lolis >f--- this >going outside >open door >guy in an fbi coat grabs me and throws me in his van
: Anonymous 05/29/21(Sat)23:11:23 No.855636137 >be me >shitposting on b >get notification telling me i got banned for posting cp >f--- this >go on reddit >see notification >banned 117 KB PNG >tells me i was banned for posting lolis >f--- this >going outside >open door >guy in an fbi coat grabs me and throws me in his van

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Anons work isn’t appreciated | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 10/23/17(Mon)23:27:58 No.40623659 Job Greentexts This happened last night. >Get job at McDonalds, need cash >Work in the back arranging the meals >qt 3.14 comes in with~8 yo daughter, asks for a chicken nugget Happy Meal 225 KB PNG >daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything >throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness >few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill >its right next to the mom and her daughter >evesdrop on them >"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?" >mom replies, "Its because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count" >mfw >mom and daughter laugh while I walk away Why are people so unappreciative? 13 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
| Anonymous 10/23/17(Mon)23:27:58 No.40623659 Job Greentexts This happened last night. >Get job at McDonalds, need cash >Work in the back arranging the meals >qt 3.14 comes in with~8 yo daughter, asks for a chicken nugget Happy Meal 225 KB PNG >daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything >throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness >few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill >its right next to the mom and her daughter >evesdrop on them >"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?" >mom replies, "Its because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count" >mfw >mom and daughter laugh while I walk away Why are people so unappreciative? 13 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon hates his life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 3B8+p4iK) 05/30/21(Sun)08:45:07 No.36637599 >Be me >almost 30 >am a f------ cook at a local fast food joint >I live in a small town so business is pretty limited >where I work is the only place that'll hire high school graduates >l'd get the hell out of this town if I could drive >failed every damn driving test I've ever taken >also socially awkward, even my only other co- 88 KB PNG worker f------ hates my guts >repressed lust for one of my best friends too; she's athletic, smart and a gorgeous southern bell. >been friend zoned real hard. She's my only real friend, besides this one kid, who I'm pretty sure is only hanging around me because he is mentally challenged >I guess he's the only one that can tolerate me The f--- do I do bros? I'll tell you guys the worst part if anyone here gets dubs. : Anonymous (ID: GGKeNrCa 05/30/21(Sun)08:47:06 No.36637679 >>36637599 (OP) # how did you not use video games to learn how to drive how can any human be this uncoordinated Female Asians are getting their driver's licenses right this very second Imagine if someone said to you "I never learned how to run" : Anonymous (ID: VNDMJN+G 05/30/21 (Sun)08:49:28 No.36637775 >>36637599 (OP) # You got the dubs, now tell us the worst part >>36638329 # : Anonymous (ID: FBzOUkf/ ) 05/30/21(Sun)08:51:35 No.36637862 Checkem : Anonymous (ID: X3NZDVHE 05/30/21(Sun)08:51:42 No.36637868 >>36637599 (OP) # Checked your dubs OP. So what's your disgusting fetish? >>36638329 # : Anonymous (ID: QBX11Y67 ) 05/30/21(Sun)08:58:25 No.36638155 USPS is always hiring >>36638256 # >>36638376 # : Anonymous (ID: GHZazr/x 05/30/21(Sun)09:00:16 No.36638222 >>36637599 (OP) # Your life sounds like the basis for a comedy series, write a pilot script roughly based on your life >>36638329 # >>36638376 # : Anonymous (ID: HHNSuOto) 05/30/21(Sun)09:00:26 No.36638228 how do you fail a drivers test? >>36638329 # >>36638423 # : Anonymous (ID: XQa1YYJI 05/30/21(Sun)09:01:07 No.36638256 >>36638155 # Checked , spill the beans sperg. : Anonymous (ID: vmQagdr1 ) 05/30/21(Sun)09:03:00 No.36638321 >>36637599 (OP) # wow what an easy life. just learn a trade, plumber, electrician..something like that. also learn to drive. Everything else you said is irrelevant. : Anonymous (ID: 3B8+p4iK) 05/30/21(Sun)09:03:09 No.36638329 >>36637775 # >>36637868 # >>36638222 # >>36638228 # i live in a pineapple under the see 45 KB JPG >>36638448 # >>36638453 # >>36638507 # >>36638526 # >>36638553 #
: Anonymous (ID: 3B8+p4iK) 05/30/21(Sun)08:45:07 No.36637599 >Be me >almost 30 >am a f------ cook at a local fast food joint >I live in a small town so business is pretty limited >where I work is the only place that'll hire high school graduates >l'd get the hell out of this town if I could drive >failed every damn driving test I've ever taken >also socially awkward, even my only other co- 88 KB PNG worker f------ hates my guts >repressed lust for one of my best friends too; she's athletic, smart and a gorgeous southern bell. >been friend zoned real hard. She's my only real friend, besides this one kid, who I'm pretty sure is only hanging around me because he is mentally challenged >I guess he's the only one that can tolerate me The f--- do I do bros? I'll tell you guys the worst part if anyone here gets dubs. : Anonymous (ID: GGKeNrCa 05/30/21(Sun)08:47:06 No.36637679 >>36637599 (OP) # how did you not use video games to learn how to drive how can any human be this uncoordinated Female Asians are getting their driver's licenses right this very second Imagine if someone said to you "I never learned how to run" : Anonymous (ID: VNDMJN+G 05/30/21 (Sun)08:49:28 No.36637775 >>36637599 (OP) # You got the dubs, now tell us the worst part >>36638329 # : Anonymous (ID: FBzOUkf/ ) 05/30/21(Sun)08:51:35 No.36637862 Checkem : Anonymous (ID: X3NZDVHE 05/30/21(Sun)08:51:42 No.36637868 >>36637599 (OP) # Checked your dubs OP. So what's your disgusting fetish? >>36638329 # : Anonymous (ID: QBX11Y67 ) 05/30/21(Sun)08:58:25 No.36638155 USPS is always hiring >>36638256 # >>36638376 # : Anonymous (ID: GHZazr/x 05/30/21(Sun)09:00:16 No.36638222 >>36637599 (OP) # Your life sounds like the basis for a comedy series, write a pilot script roughly based on your life >>36638329 # >>36638376 # : Anonymous (ID: HHNSuOto) 05/30/21(Sun)09:00:26 No.36638228 how do you fail a drivers test? >>36638329 # >>36638423 # : Anonymous (ID: XQa1YYJI 05/30/21(Sun)09:01:07 No.36638256 >>36638155 # Checked , spill the beans sperg. : Anonymous (ID: vmQagdr1 ) 05/30/21(Sun)09:03:00 No.36638321 >>36637599 (OP) # wow what an easy life. just learn a trade, plumber, electrician..something like that. also learn to drive. Everything else you said is irrelevant. : Anonymous (ID: 3B8+p4iK) 05/30/21(Sun)09:03:09 No.36638329 >>36637775 # >>36637868 # >>36638222 # >>36638228 # i live in a pineapple under the see 45 KB JPG >>36638448 # >>36638453 # >>36638507 # >>36638526 # >>36638553 #

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Anon is Maroon 5 | /r/Greentext

>enter gym >I GOT THEM MOVES LIKE JAGGER I GOT THEM MOOO0000OVES LIKE JAGGER
>enter gym >I GOT THEM MOVES LIKE JAGGER I GOT THEM MOOO0000OVES LIKE JAGGER

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anon spites god | /r/Greentext

05/26/21(Wed)09:52:34 No.8553411E >make fun of cripples on the internet for years >god probably didn't like it cause my son was born crippled >continue to make fun of 15 KB JPG cripples regardless you can't outsmart me, old fella
05/26/21(Wed)09:52:34 No.8553411E >make fun of cripples on the internet for years >god probably didn't like it cause my son was born crippled >continue to make fun of 15 KB JPG cripples regardless you can't outsmart me, old fella

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