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And yet again Elon Musk saves the day | /r/Greentext

>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late 19 KB JPG >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw
>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late 19 KB JPG >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw

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Anon feels good to be a man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/18/21 (Tue)06:59:55 No.63718263 >lines on face >t--- saggy and pulling apart >belly growing >only 25 32 KB JPG 17 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)07:30:35 No.63718656 Damn I'm almost the same age OP and my looksmaxxing is going well, feels good to be a man
: Anonymous 05/18/21 (Tue)06:59:55 No.63718263 >lines on face >t--- saggy and pulling apart >belly growing >only 25 32 KB JPG 17 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)07:30:35 No.63718656 Damn I'm almost the same age OP and my looksmaxxing is going well, feels good to be a man

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Anon gets raped | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/28/20(Sat)01:40:34 No.61119312 R---- by girlfriend >get drunk and have sex with girl 2 years ago >that girl eventually becomes my girlfriend >yesterday at a family gathering she says "I actually had to get anon drunk to loosen him up a 141 KB JPG little and make it official" >everyone laughs >it all makes sense now >that day I was really drunk and she was sober >kept handing me drinks and eventually took me to her car and started blowing me I don't mind, honestly, but the fact that everyone laughed it's scary, the double standard. Can you imagine if I would've said that? "Yeah I got her drunk then took her back to my car to f---" CAN YOU IMAGINE? I would've been lynched in the spot. Girls are such hypocrites. My sisters laughed, my female cousins laughed, they said "Yeah anon was too shy, he needed a woman to smack some sense into him" What the f--- is wrong with these w-----, h--------
: Anonymous 11/28/20(Sat)01:40:34 No.61119312 R---- by girlfriend >get drunk and have sex with girl 2 years ago >that girl eventually becomes my girlfriend >yesterday at a family gathering she says "I actually had to get anon drunk to loosen him up a 141 KB JPG little and make it official" >everyone laughs >it all makes sense now >that day I was really drunk and she was sober >kept handing me drinks and eventually took me to her car and started blowing me I don't mind, honestly, but the fact that everyone laughed it's scary, the double standard. Can you imagine if I would've said that? "Yeah I got her drunk then took her back to my car to f---" CAN YOU IMAGINE? I would've been lynched in the spot. Girls are such hypocrites. My sisters laughed, my female cousins laughed, they said "Yeah anon was too shy, he needed a woman to smack some sense into him" What the f--- is wrong with these w-----, h--------

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Anon is american | /r/Greentext

>be American high school student >2019 >multiple school shootings a day >every teacher is now armed >veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built in mini-guns >in Algebra 2 >teacher is handing out the quiz, her full body armor jostling around >reach into my backpack to take out my calculator >her M16 is already trained on me >"ANON DON'T F------ MOVE" >"I-I need my calculator" >"THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU REACHING FOR" >"I-I thought we could use calculators" >"YOU THOUGHT WRONG" >tense pause >she lowers her weapon >school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the class >her blood and brains splatters all over my face >second school shooter wheels around in the front with a shotgun, takes aim at the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines >try to run for the door >veteran mobility scooter unit flies in and tears me to shreds firing 6k rounds a minute >die happy knowing that I'm still freer than Europoors >family gets charged 10 mil for my medical expenses (plus tip)
>be American high school student >2019 >multiple school shootings a day >every teacher is now armed >veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built in mini-guns >in Algebra 2 >teacher is handing out the quiz, her full body armor jostling around >reach into my backpack to take out my calculator >her M16 is already trained on me >"ANON DON'T F------ MOVE" >"I-I need my calculator" >"THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU REACHING FOR" >"I-I thought we could use calculators" >"YOU THOUGHT WRONG" >tense pause >she lowers her weapon >school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the class >her blood and brains splatters all over my face >second school shooter wheels around in the front with a shotgun, takes aim at the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines >try to run for the door >veteran mobility scooter unit flies in and tears me to shreds firing 6k rounds a minute >die happy knowing that I'm still freer than Europoors >family gets charged 10 mil for my medical expenses (plus tip)

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Anons had a cool dream | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)20:52:02 No.9640943 >be me >be 8 >have cool dream that I am Iron man >wake up >mfw 13 КВ PNG Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)21:11:38 No.9640965 >>9640943 (OP) >Вe me >Have a cool dream about leading the sharks to rebel against humans >Wake up 35 KB JPG >mfw
Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)20:52:02 No.9640943 >be me >be 8 >have cool dream that I am Iron man >wake up >mfw 13 КВ PNG Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)21:11:38 No.9640965 >>9640943 (OP) >Вe me >Have a cool dream about leading the sharks to rebel against humans >Wake up 35 KB JPG >mfw

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Anon surveils | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/08/18(Wed)13:06:33 No.776592144 >chinese surveillance system checking peolpe on the streets >scans guy >1.300.000.000 possible matches 13 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/08/18(Wed)13:06:33 No.776592144 >chinese surveillance system checking peolpe on the streets >scans guy >1.300.000.000 possible matches 13 KB JPG

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Anon picks up pizza | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/21 (Mon)19:15:35 No.15680993 >go to store to pick up pizza >about to sign receipt >see they circled in 10% tip >change it to 0 >cashier rolls her eyes, hands me the pizza 31 KB JPG >hear one of them say whisper 'wow, did he really put 0' as l'm walking out Did I do something wrong? It's not like they delivered the pizza to my house. Should I have tipped in this situation?
: Anonymous 03/01/21 (Mon)19:15:35 No.15680993 >go to store to pick up pizza >about to sign receipt >see they circled in 10% tip >change it to 0 >cashier rolls her eyes, hands me the pizza 31 KB JPG >hear one of them say whisper 'wow, did he really put 0' as l'm walking out Did I do something wrong? It's not like they delivered the pizza to my house. Should I have tipped in this situation?

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Anon has game | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/24/12(Thu)08:10:11 No.2545562 >be at party >9/10 checking me out >dance with her >stare in eyes >shes got moon earrings >F--- JUST REMEMBERED >run out of party >drive home >spend whole night checking out lunar eclipse >no regrets
O Anonymous 05/24/12(Thu)08:10:11 No.2545562 >be at party >9/10 checking me out >dance with her >stare in eyes >shes got moon earrings >F--- JUST REMEMBERED >run out of party >drive home >spend whole night checking out lunar eclipse >no regrets

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Anon is caught watching porn | /r/Greentext

>15 >watching Asa Akira getting the bwc in my room >unaware mom came home >comes into my room without knocking >quickly close browser >whatwereyouwatchinganon.jpg >why lie, tell her it was p--- >asks me if it was straight p--- >tell her of course, duh >she smiles and hugs me and leaves the room >okaythatwasstrange.png >years later learn it was around the time she learnt my older brother was gay >she was relieved atm I'm not a h---
>15 >watching Asa Akira getting the bwc in my room >unaware mom came home >comes into my room without knocking >quickly close browser >whatwereyouwatchinganon.jpg >why lie, tell her it was p--- >asks me if it was straight p--- >tell her of course, duh >she smiles and hugs me and leaves the room >okaythatwasstrange.png >years later learn it was around the time she learnt my older brother was gay >she was relieved atm I'm not a h---

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Thoughts and prayers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)18:41:16 No.63638981 >YOU WILL CARE ABOUT THE PALESTINE AND ISRAEL CONFLICT >YOU WILL PICK A SIDE >YOU WILL NOT IGNORE IT >YOU WILL LISTEN TO 279 KB PNG TWITTERS POLITICAL RAMBLINGS ABOUT IT >YOU WILL FORM AN OPINION >YOU WILL FEEL BAD FOR THE PEOPLE >YOU WILL SEND YOUR PRAYERS
: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)18:41:16 No.63638981 >YOU WILL CARE ABOUT THE PALESTINE AND ISRAEL CONFLICT >YOU WILL PICK A SIDE >YOU WILL NOT IGNORE IT >YOU WILL LISTEN TO 279 KB PNG TWITTERS POLITICAL RAMBLINGS ABOUT IT >YOU WILL FORM AN OPINION >YOU WILL FEEL BAD FOR THE PEOPLE >YOU WILL SEND YOUR PRAYERS

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Anon is a redditor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/13/21 (Thu)12:03:53 No.555385772 76 KB JPG >THATS TOXIC YOU CANT SAY THAT!! >ADMIIIIIN!!
: Anonymous 05/13/21 (Thu)12:03:53 No.555385772 76 KB JPG >THATS TOXIC YOU CANT SAY THAT!! >ADMIIIIIN!!

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Anon is waking up | /r/Greentext

>blacks all have big dongs >based on what? >they all have big schlongs in p--- >everyone has big d---- in p---, even Mexican guys >yeah but that's p--- not real life and they all cherry-picked anyway ???
>blacks all have big dongs >based on what? >they all have big schlongs in p--- >everyone has big d---- in p---, even Mexican guys >yeah but that's p--- not real life and they all cherry-picked anyway ???

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Anon studies with youtube | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)09:16:12 No.62356259 >read provided course math textbook >be hopelessly confused, not even begin to understand >go to 2 hr class, lose track in 5 minutes 267 KB PNG >go home and copy paste homework instructions into youtube >understand how to do it in 5 minutes
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)09:16:12 No.62356259 >read provided course math textbook >be hopelessly confused, not even begin to understand >go to 2 hr class, lose track in 5 minutes 267 KB PNG >go home and copy paste homework instructions into youtube >understand how to do it in 5 minutes

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Anon gets a mysterious phone call | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)10:09:21 No.28149598 >>28094304 (OP) # >be me, about 21 years old >chilling in the lounge on a Saturday arvo with two bros, waiting for more mates and our girls to show up for drinks 18 KB JPG >get phone call >it's from my own number, which is pretty weird >answer the call and it's all staticky and muffled but I can hear a bunch of people talking and some metal playing - hed pe's bartender >goes on for a few seconds before there's louder scuffling and scratching >voice says "ah f---, butt dialled someone lol" then call ends >a few hours later, everyone is chilling, chatting and whatnot. Gonna go have a smoke on the balcony, grab my ciggies and my phone and see I called someone. Say "ah f---, butt dialled someone, lol" >mfw it clicks.
: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)10:09:21 No.28149598 >>28094304 (OP) # >be me, about 21 years old >chilling in the lounge on a Saturday arvo with two bros, waiting for more mates and our girls to show up for drinks 18 KB JPG >get phone call >it's from my own number, which is pretty weird >answer the call and it's all staticky and muffled but I can hear a bunch of people talking and some metal playing - hed pe's bartender >goes on for a few seconds before there's louder scuffling and scratching >voice says "ah f---, butt dialled someone lol" then call ends >a few hours later, everyone is chilling, chatting and whatnot. Gonna go have a smoke on the balcony, grab my ciggies and my phone and see I called someone. Say "ah f---, butt dialled someone, lol" >mfw it clicks.

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Anon has a Brother | /r/Greentext

11/15/18(Thu)20:45:40 No.784939733 >be me Stock >have annoying brother addicted to fortnite >always starts shouting things at his f------ friends while playing 218 KB JPG >one day >decide l'm done with his s--- >get idea >go to router >turn it off, then turn it on again after a minute >meanwhile internet obviously is disconnected >did this about 10 times in a row >every f------ time he spazzes like a retard >ultimately stops playing and does something else >mfw l've done this like 20 times this month and each time he starts crying and screaming >mfw he hasn't suspected a thing >mfw I'm literally doing this right now 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
11/15/18(Thu)20:45:40 No.784939733 >be me Stock >have annoying brother addicted to fortnite >always starts shouting things at his f------ friends while playing 218 KB JPG >one day >decide l'm done with his s--- >get idea >go to router >turn it off, then turn it on again after a minute >meanwhile internet obviously is disconnected >did this about 10 times in a row >every f------ time he spazzes like a retard >ultimately stops playing and does something else >mfw l've done this like 20 times this month and each time he starts crying and screaming >mfw he hasn't suspected a thing >mfw I'm literally doing this right now 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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i found this one in a random folder | /r/Greentext

What's your most shameful fap? It can be your most cringe-worthy fap or a fap that showed you the depths of your deviancy. 32 KB JPG Cringe-worthy: >Probably about 14 or 15 years old >Have f------ dial-up internet (rural-f-- here) >Family goes to bed >Try to connect to interwebs >Connection fails repeatedly >Get hornier by the second >Get an idea >Open a program called "Pivot StickFigure Animator" (lets you make little stop-motion movies) >Make a stick figure with a big-ol' dong >Make a stick figure with long hair and t------ >Go through painful task of animating them engaged in foreplay >StickLady blows StickDude >l c-- >Delete my movie >Shutdown PC >Go to bed >Mind represses this memory for about 12 years >Memory floods back after I finish f------ my fiance >Laugh for a goddamned hour
What's your most shameful fap? It can be your most cringe-worthy fap or a fap that showed you the depths of your deviancy. 32 KB JPG Cringe-worthy: >Probably about 14 or 15 years old >Have f------ dial-up internet (rural-f-- here) >Family goes to bed >Try to connect to interwebs >Connection fails repeatedly >Get hornier by the second >Get an idea >Open a program called "Pivot StickFigure Animator" (lets you make little stop-motion movies) >Make a stick figure with a big-ol' dong >Make a stick figure with long hair and t------ >Go through painful task of animating them engaged in foreplay >StickLady blows StickDude >l c-- >Delete my movie >Shutdown PC >Go to bed >Mind represses this memory for about 12 years >Memory floods back after I finish f------ my fiance >Laugh for a goddamned hour

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Anon got a call from Chadnon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/20(Tue)17:28:29 No.61603722 >be me a few days ago >finally about to off myself after staying up for 3 days in a row >just as I am about to hang myself I get a phone call >"yo anon! It's chadbro, I'm back in town for a few weeks, I'm gonna come over soon alright?" >take the rope off and stop whatever I was doing 250 KB PNG >cry for a bit >wait >hear a knock on the door >open up >it's my brother >Instantly regret trying to kill myself even though l'll probably try again after he goes back >"you still live alone anon?" >"yeah, why?" >"sister is coming over soon too, we have just the right amount of rooms for the three of us" >don't know what to answer >fast forward to few days later >spending time with my siblings >keep regretting trying to off myself Don't do it bros, I know it was just a coincidence for me, but we can all be saved
: Anonymous 12/29/20(Tue)17:28:29 No.61603722 >be me a few days ago >finally about to off myself after staying up for 3 days in a row >just as I am about to hang myself I get a phone call >"yo anon! It's chadbro, I'm back in town for a few weeks, I'm gonna come over soon alright?" >take the rope off and stop whatever I was doing 250 KB PNG >cry for a bit >wait >hear a knock on the door >open up >it's my brother >Instantly regret trying to kill myself even though l'll probably try again after he goes back >"you still live alone anon?" >"yeah, why?" >"sister is coming over soon too, we have just the right amount of rooms for the three of us" >don't know what to answer >fast forward to few days later >spending time with my siblings >keep regretting trying to off myself Don't do it bros, I know it was just a coincidence for me, but we can all be saved

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Anon sees an ad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/06/21(Sat)10:33:16 No.848945557 >be me, home alone >family is out >browsing /b/ >see an advertisement that says "GET A HUGE C--- IN LESS THAN A DAY" >l'm lacking in the meat 150 KB PNG department, so I click on it >loading >says "Thank you, your order has been received" >I didn't put any info in >hear the front door slam open >yell "hey guys how was the shopping?" >no response >just high pitched giggles >small footsteps, then a thud >the r--- dwarf is coming >mfw
: Anonymous 03/06/21(Sat)10:33:16 No.848945557 >be me, home alone >family is out >browsing /b/ >see an advertisement that says "GET A HUGE C--- IN LESS THAN A DAY" >l'm lacking in the meat 150 KB PNG department, so I click on it >loading >says "Thank you, your order has been received" >I didn't put any info in >hear the front door slam open >yell "hey guys how was the shopping?" >no response >just high pitched giggles >small footsteps, then a thud >the r--- dwarf is coming >mfw

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Anon embarrasses himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)23:58:05 No.854663125 >On break at work >Remember funny video I watched yesterday uncontrollablelaughter.gif >Cute new girl walks up to me and asks what's so funny >Show her this video of a cat falling to its 41 KB JPG death >She walks away silently and avoided me the rest of the day Here's the video if you're curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LYJ- Qmqg2U&ab_channel=BrianHBrianH [Open] Am I retarded?
: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)23:58:05 No.854663125 >On break at work >Remember funny video I watched yesterday uncontrollablelaughter.gif >Cute new girl walks up to me and asks what's so funny >Show her this video of a cat falling to its 41 KB JPG death >She walks away silently and avoided me the rest of the day Here's the video if you're curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LYJ- Qmqg2U&ab_channel=BrianHBrianH [Open] Am I retarded?

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Anon is a chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)22:23:00 No.854652604 >be me >go on twitter >get into random argument >It's the Jews >Get asked if i have proof >i say no 24 KB JPG View Thread
: Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)22:23:00 No.854652604 >be me >go on twitter >get into random argument >It's the Jews >Get asked if i have proof >i say no 24 KB JPG View Thread

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