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Anon slept with the whole class | /r/Greentext

>be me >taking standardized test >after test we are given the option to sleep >take a nap 7 KB JPG >i just slept with all the girls in my class >see ya later virgins
>be me >taking standardized test >after test we are given the option to sleep >take a nap 7 KB JPG >i just slept with all the girls in my class >see ya later virgins

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Anon goes to a farm | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:29:30 No.530995260 ITT: Autistic Mistakes > Be 15 > Go to farm on after- school group's field trip > Want to be funny > Go to farmer 19 KB JPG "You have a nice d---." > MEW meant to say c--- > MEW I realize he grew vegatables > MFW I'm probably retarded Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:38:06 No.530996935 this thread is a good thread
Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:29:30 No.530995260 ITT: Autistic Mistakes > Be 15 > Go to farm on after- school group's field trip > Want to be funny > Go to farmer 19 KB JPG "You have a nice d---." > MEW meant to say c--- > MEW I realize he grew vegatables > MFW I'm probably retarded Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:38:06 No.530996935 this thread is a good thread

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This does put a smile in my face | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)19:11:11 No.703940657 >be me >recently moved because of job opportunity, no gf, no friends in town >every friday, order a pizza from local pizzahut >give delivery guy a different 21 KB JPG "challenge" every time they bring a pizza, with a large tip as a reward if they complete it >always make them america-related >start easy. draw an american flag for 54 >slowly make them more and more challenging, increasing reward as time goes on >"recite the preamble for 20$" >"tell me your personal opinion on the 2nd amendment for 10$" >etc etc goes on for a few months until pretty much every employee in the resturaunt that has done a delivery has at least attempted one of my challenges >yesterday, get in pretty bad car accident >wake up in hospital today. told by nurse that a few people came by to visit, mainly coworkers from job >some of them left a pizza >mfw there's a pizza on a table in the room of the same type that i always get >mfw it's got an american flag on it and a "get well soon" card with signatures from the entire restaurant staff >this
| Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)19:11:11 No.703940657 >be me >recently moved because of job opportunity, no gf, no friends in town >every friday, order a pizza from local pizzahut >give delivery guy a different 21 KB JPG "challenge" every time they bring a pizza, with a large tip as a reward if they complete it >always make them america-related >start easy. draw an american flag for 54 >slowly make them more and more challenging, increasing reward as time goes on >"recite the preamble for 20$" >"tell me your personal opinion on the 2nd amendment for 10$" >etc etc goes on for a few months until pretty much every employee in the resturaunt that has done a delivery has at least attempted one of my challenges >yesterday, get in pretty bad car accident >wake up in hospital today. told by nurse that a few people came by to visit, mainly coworkers from job >some of them left a pizza >mfw there's a pizza on a table in the room of the same type that i always get >mfw it's got an american flag on it and a "get well soon" card with signatures from the entire restaurant staff >this

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Anon plays spin the bottle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/02/18(Fri)09:48:41 No.783847597 >be me >playing spin the bottle >lands on girl and I kiss her >later go home and suck my own d--- >by transitive property she gave me a b------ 88 KB JPG see you later virgins 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 11/02/18(Fri)09:49:50 No.783847665 >>783847597 (OP) # loser
: Anonymous 11/02/18(Fri)09:48:41 No.783847597 >be me >playing spin the bottle >lands on girl and I kiss her >later go home and suck my own d--- >by transitive property she gave me a b------ 88 KB JPG see you later virgins 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 11/02/18(Fri)09:49:50 No.783847665 >>783847597 (OP) # loser

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Anon loses all his friends | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/24/18(Thu)10:22:07 No.769499299 Look, if you had one shot, or one Hey /b/, when did you realize you're a retard? opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted, >be me one moment Would you apture it r just >sophomore in high school let it slip? >some guy during p.e. had a heart attack during some running s--- >guy died 55 KB JPG >the next day they tell everyone if you knew him or feel like you need time to grieve you can spend as long as needed in the cafeteria. >i didn't know him but i pretended i did to get out of class. >see my friends in the cafeteria >figure they did the same thing >"whats up guys? Getting out of class too?" >they stare at me but say nothing >"good thing he died, i hate math" >said it louder than i meant >everyone heard me >"anon... w--?" >everyone staring at me with the angriest faces I've seen I panicked and ran back to class, only to break down and get sent back to the cafeteria. All my friends stopped talking to me from then on.
: Anonymous 05/24/18(Thu)10:22:07 No.769499299 Look, if you had one shot, or one Hey /b/, when did you realize you're a retard? opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted, >be me one moment Would you apture it r just >sophomore in high school let it slip? >some guy during p.e. had a heart attack during some running s--- >guy died 55 KB JPG >the next day they tell everyone if you knew him or feel like you need time to grieve you can spend as long as needed in the cafeteria. >i didn't know him but i pretended i did to get out of class. >see my friends in the cafeteria >figure they did the same thing >"whats up guys? Getting out of class too?" >they stare at me but say nothing >"good thing he died, i hate math" >said it louder than i meant >everyone heard me >"anon... w--?" >everyone staring at me with the angriest faces I've seen I panicked and ran back to class, only to break down and get sent back to the cafeteria. All my friends stopped talking to me from then on.

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Anon gets a visit from the Ghostbusters | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 08/02/15(Sun)14:13:20 No.59484314 >>59484351 >>59484376 >>59484493 >>59484588 >>59484933 >>59485128 >>59485712 >>59485924 >>59486195 >>59486254 >>59486967 >>59487526 >>59489001 >be 8 >terminal brain cancer >make a wish ask me what my dream is >l want to meet my favourite ghostbuster >big day comes >can't wait to meet Bill Murray >"We managed to get all four of them to come anon, isn't that great?" >4? But Harold Ramis is dead. >The door opens and I hear shrill laughter and mumbled ebonics >Four women shamble in to the room wearing cheap cosplay outfits. >The largest, a barely human looking sheboon swaggers over to me looking like she thinks she's made my day >"Who ya gun call lil guy?" >The rest of them roar with laughter >l hear a voice screaming "Ay gurls, lemme holla at ya" >A strange n---- runs in to my room and starts whooping. >The 4 women begin to whoop along with him and chant "PHOTO OP, PHOTO OP" >A camera flashes as I drift in to the abyss
O Anonymous 08/02/15(Sun)14:13:20 No.59484314 >>59484351 >>59484376 >>59484493 >>59484588 >>59484933 >>59485128 >>59485712 >>59485924 >>59486195 >>59486254 >>59486967 >>59487526 >>59489001 >be 8 >terminal brain cancer >make a wish ask me what my dream is >l want to meet my favourite ghostbuster >big day comes >can't wait to meet Bill Murray >"We managed to get all four of them to come anon, isn't that great?" >4? But Harold Ramis is dead. >The door opens and I hear shrill laughter and mumbled ebonics >Four women shamble in to the room wearing cheap cosplay outfits. >The largest, a barely human looking sheboon swaggers over to me looking like she thinks she's made my day >"Who ya gun call lil guy?" >The rest of them roar with laughter >l hear a voice screaming "Ay gurls, lemme holla at ya" >A strange n---- runs in to my room and starts whooping. >The 4 women begin to whoop along with him and chant "PHOTO OP, PHOTO OP" >A camera flashes as I drift in to the abyss

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Anon didnt listen to /r9k/ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)12:41:55 No.63560622 >gf had a bit of a slutty past, with a very promiscuous phase (including gangbangs) >date her anyways >use this as an opportunity to get over my own sexual hangups and insecurities 28 KB PNG >she never cheats on me, we have a great relationship >next year we're getting married So glad I didn't listen to /r9k/ desu 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)12:41:55 No.63560622 >gf had a bit of a slutty past, with a very promiscuous phase (including gangbangs) >date her anyways >use this as an opportunity to get over my own sexual hangups and insecurities 28 KB PNG >she never cheats on me, we have a great relationship >next year we're getting married So glad I didn't listen to /r9k/ desu 2 Replies View Thread

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anon makes friends | /r/Greentext

File: images.jpg (7 KB, 225x225) O Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)21:32:56 No.63552123 > 23 years old > NEET hermit living with parents and siblings > one bathroom between 6 of us > bathroom is right next to the living room > can always hear family when I go to pee > have diagnosed anxiety disorder > cannot pee due to stage fright and anxiety > 9/10 times somebody will knock on the door or shout at me to hurry up > it becomes an issue and I struggle to pee all of the time > bladder literally locks up, even if I sit down > think of alternatives > don't want to be a degenerate bottle pisser > remember that there is a bar down the road from me > decide to go to the bar to pee > somehow feel more comfortable at the bar despite the strangers > good atmosphere in the bar > not much of a drinker but decide to get a beer before going back home > go into the garden because the fairy lights look pretty > somebody asks me for a lighter > give them a lighter > they ask why I'm alone and if I want to join them > anxiety has subsided because of the beer so I join them > having a great time with my new friends > "hey anon, you should join us again sometime, take our number" > go home happy > next day I go decide to go back and the same group is there > "hey anon! how's it going man? we're about to play some pool if you want a game?" > this becomes a regular thing > one of them hooks me up with a job > life gets better > actually move into an apartment with one of them > mfw my life improved significantly because of these people This was 3 years ago. I love my friends. Don't be afraid to go out into the world anons.
File: images.jpg (7 KB, 225x225) O Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)21:32:56 No.63552123 > 23 years old > NEET hermit living with parents and siblings > one bathroom between 6 of us > bathroom is right next to the living room > can always hear family when I go to pee > have diagnosed anxiety disorder > cannot pee due to stage fright and anxiety > 9/10 times somebody will knock on the door or shout at me to hurry up > it becomes an issue and I struggle to pee all of the time > bladder literally locks up, even if I sit down > think of alternatives > don't want to be a degenerate bottle pisser > remember that there is a bar down the road from me > decide to go to the bar to pee > somehow feel more comfortable at the bar despite the strangers > good atmosphere in the bar > not much of a drinker but decide to get a beer before going back home > go into the garden because the fairy lights look pretty > somebody asks me for a lighter > give them a lighter > they ask why I'm alone and if I want to join them > anxiety has subsided because of the beer so I join them > having a great time with my new friends > "hey anon, you should join us again sometime, take our number" > go home happy > next day I go decide to go back and the same group is there > "hey anon! how's it going man? we're about to play some pool if you want a game?" > this becomes a regular thing > one of them hooks me up with a job > life gets better > actually move into an apartment with one of them > mfw my life improved significantly because of these people This was 3 years ago. I love my friends. Don't be afraid to go out into the world anons.

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Anons Dilemma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)14:52:41 No.853801473 >be me >wake up happy >remember isreal exists >day ruined 14 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)14:52:41 No.853801473 >be me >wake up happy >remember isreal exists >day ruined 14 KB PNG

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Anon likes to snack. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous = 05/06/21(Thu)17:31:50 No.63553886 >be me >eat often >gain a bit of covid weight >find old iPhone >doesnt recognize my face Software is supposed to be the future but it cant account for a slight weight gain? 28 KB JPG
: Anonymous = 05/06/21(Thu)17:31:50 No.63553886 >be me >eat often >gain a bit of covid weight >find old iPhone >doesnt recognize my face Software is supposed to be the future but it cant account for a slight weight gain? 28 KB JPG

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Anon realizes the truth | /r/Greentext

>working out >spending less time on 4chan >improving clothes, hair, and hygiene >self esteem starts to rise >get in a conversation with another human being >immediately reminded that I'm the same autistic retard as always I give up 3m (5/7 12:37) · 63560599 Yeah but at least you look better.
>working out >spending less time on 4chan >improving clothes, hair, and hygiene >self esteem starts to rise >get in a conversation with another human being >immediately reminded that I'm the same autistic retard as always I give up 3m (5/7 12:37) · 63560599 Yeah but at least you look better.

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Anon thinks about plants | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)17:58:18 No.853792234 >plant life was intelligent enough to figure out how to turn sunlight into energy >animal life too retarded so they just eat the plants >would literally go extinct if all plants die >plants are smarter than human 235 KB JPG beings Explain this
: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)17:58:18 No.853792234 >plant life was intelligent enough to figure out how to turn sunlight into energy >animal life too retarded so they just eat the plants >would literally go extinct if all plants die >plants are smarter than human 235 KB JPG beings Explain this

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Anon misses grandma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Most of you will laugh but I n(...) 04/05/21(Mon)04:51:19 No.63060771 >finish uni amidst covid >enter the family business >can't take it working and living with my dad any more >he's too demanding and just an absolute d--- sometimes when l'm 744 KB JPG off the clock >move into grandpa's house while he is away at his gf's >his wife (my grandmother) died suddenly of brain cancer last year >l'm happy for him though, his gf is incredibly nice, respectful, takes great care of him, and likes me a lot >moved into his place tonight >putting my clothes away in the spare bedroom >find a build-a-bear in the closet >curiously I pick it up >click the paw to hear the audio >it's my grandma's voice singing a french lullaby she used to sing to me while scratching my back before l'd go to bed at her house. I was over her death fairly easily, I didn't cry at the funeral, I was the rock of my family. Death is an inevitable part of life, I came to those terms long ago. But this just completely destroyed my night. I'm sobbing like a retard just because of this dumb bear. I miss her bros. SPOILERS
: Anonymous Most of you will laugh but I n(...) 04/05/21(Mon)04:51:19 No.63060771 >finish uni amidst covid >enter the family business >can't take it working and living with my dad any more >he's too demanding and just an absolute d--- sometimes when l'm 744 KB JPG off the clock >move into grandpa's house while he is away at his gf's >his wife (my grandmother) died suddenly of brain cancer last year >l'm happy for him though, his gf is incredibly nice, respectful, takes great care of him, and likes me a lot >moved into his place tonight >putting my clothes away in the spare bedroom >find a build-a-bear in the closet >curiously I pick it up >click the paw to hear the audio >it's my grandma's voice singing a french lullaby she used to sing to me while scratching my back before l'd go to bed at her house. I was over her death fairly easily, I didn't cry at the funeral, I was the rock of my family. Death is an inevitable part of life, I came to those terms long ago. But this just completely destroyed my night. I'm sobbing like a retard just because of this dumb bear. I miss her bros. SPOILERS

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Anon is based | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:00 No.53878455 >>53878466 >>53878475 >>53878439 >she if it has a penis it isnt a "she" Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:54 No.53878466 File: 410gxVYuO8L._SX425_jpg (21 KB, 425x408) >>53878515 >>53878455 I'm straight so whatever makes my d--- hard is a woman f-----
O Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:00 No.53878455 >>53878466 >>53878475 >>53878439 >she if it has a penis it isnt a "she" Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:54 No.53878466 File: 410gxVYuO8L._SX425_jpg (21 KB, 425x408) >>53878515 >>53878455 I'm straight so whatever makes my d--- hard is a woman f-----

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Anon is a wild man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous cringy school stuff 04/07/21(Wed)19:45:37 No.63101006 anyone have any cringy school stories? I'll start >be me >brit anon at private school >think I'm a rebel and want to live 39 KB JPG in the woods >used to shoot rabbits and skin them >tie rabbit skins and rabbit feet to the inside of my school blazer because I think it's cool >show all the girls to upset them >never shower or wash my hair because wild men don't do that >get told repeatedly by teachers to wash my hair/get rid of the rabbits skins >teacher confronts me about the skins and I use the excuse she's wearing cow skin on her feet >I was 15
: Anonymous cringy school stuff 04/07/21(Wed)19:45:37 No.63101006 anyone have any cringy school stories? I'll start >be me >brit anon at private school >think I'm a rebel and want to live 39 KB JPG in the woods >used to shoot rabbits and skin them >tie rabbit skins and rabbit feet to the inside of my school blazer because I think it's cool >show all the girls to upset them >never shower or wash my hair because wild men don't do that >get told repeatedly by teachers to wash my hair/get rid of the rabbits skins >teacher confronts me about the skins and I use the excuse she's wearing cow skin on her feet >I was 15

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Anon raises a good point | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 52353826 leri >have cute cardiobunny neighbour >she asks me if we can go running together >women running outside have been r---- and killed in our city, so she wants to take me with her for protection >we have been doing this once a week for a year, getting take out food afterwards 1,5 MB JPG Have I made it, /fit/? 34 REPLIES 63 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous 52353835 leri why haven't you r---- and killed her yet?
Anonymous | 52353826 leri >have cute cardiobunny neighbour >she asks me if we can go running together >women running outside have been r---- and killed in our city, so she wants to take me with her for protection >we have been doing this once a week for a year, getting take out food afterwards 1,5 MB JPG Have I made it, /fit/? 34 REPLIES 63 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous 52353835 leri why haven't you r---- and killed her yet?

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Hate women everybody | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)08:07:56 No.63094517 >he saves p--- on his computer 74 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)08:22:34 No.63094672 >>63094517 (OP) # >she is unironically a woman 39 KB JPG >>63094687 # >>63096708 #
: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)08:07:56 No.63094517 >he saves p--- on his computer 74 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)08:22:34 No.63094672 >>63094517 (OP) # >she is unironically a woman 39 KB JPG >>63094687 # >>63096708 #

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Anon discovers the truth about 4chan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/23/19(Fri)08:26:22 No.807817159 >hear that 4chan is filled with elite hackers >open browser and go to 4chan >my laptop camera scans my retina >"permission granted" >holy mackerel these guys are elite! >l get a message on my phone from an unknown number 381 KB JPG >"put all your fingers on the trackpad" >l put my fingers on the trackpad and my fingerprints are burned off >holy f--- >mfw they initiate me into their anti-establishment hacker group >mfw we're going to flip society on their head >lol just kidding >they're just a bunch of retards
: Anonymous 08/23/19(Fri)08:26:22 No.807817159 >hear that 4chan is filled with elite hackers >open browser and go to 4chan >my laptop camera scans my retina >"permission granted" >holy mackerel these guys are elite! >l get a message on my phone from an unknown number 381 KB JPG >"put all your fingers on the trackpad" >l put my fingers on the trackpad and my fingerprints are burned off >holy f--- >mfw they initiate me into their anti-establishment hacker group >mfw we're going to flip society on their head >lol just kidding >they're just a bunch of retards

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Anon hates boomers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: CznyA98M) 09/11/19(Wed)13:59:20 No.226234236 >Be THC oil cartridge >Very popular among teens as it gets you extremely stoned and the smell dissipates faster than smoke 26 KB JPG >Kids are retarded and buy cheap cartridges from chinese Instagram accounts that ship directly to your house because they don't know how to use the darknet >Kids start getting sick by vaping low quality THC cartridges with dangerous ingredients >Big tobacco uses this as an opportunity to demonize all vapes, including nicotine vapes >boomers eat it up without question >Trump is set to ban vaping flavored nicotine juice >Cigarettes are still okay though Boomers are retarded. 237 Replies / 34 Images View Thread
: Anonymous (ID: CznyA98M) 09/11/19(Wed)13:59:20 No.226234236 >Be THC oil cartridge >Very popular among teens as it gets you extremely stoned and the smell dissipates faster than smoke 26 KB JPG >Kids are retarded and buy cheap cartridges from chinese Instagram accounts that ship directly to your house because they don't know how to use the darknet >Kids start getting sick by vaping low quality THC cartridges with dangerous ingredients >Big tobacco uses this as an opportunity to demonize all vapes, including nicotine vapes >boomers eat it up without question >Trump is set to ban vaping flavored nicotine juice >Cigarettes are still okay though Boomers are retarded. 237 Replies / 34 Images View Thread

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Anon can’t dance | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)00:58:15 No.853835850 >be me >5000bc >tribe having big unga bunga >not sure if I should go because chadgar will be there >decide f--- it, throw on my best pelt and 252 KB JPG skull hat >whole tribe is there >see my crush wilma wearing tight pelt, her boulders and melons really look great wrapped in mammoth skin >really get into the melodic grunting music >accidentally unga when every else bunga'd >mfw chadgar knocks wilma out and drags her back to his cave while everyone laughs at me
: Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)00:58:15 No.853835850 >be me >5000bc >tribe having big unga bunga >not sure if I should go because chadgar will be there >decide f--- it, throw on my best pelt and 252 KB JPG skull hat >whole tribe is there >see my crush wilma wearing tight pelt, her boulders and melons really look great wrapped in mammoth skin >really get into the melodic grunting music >accidentally unga when every else bunga'd >mfw chadgar knocks wilma out and drags her back to his cave while everyone laughs at me

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