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/b/ in a nutshell | /r/Greentext

>go to /b/ >half of the threads are blacked cuck s--- >other half is loli s--- >tfw
>go to /b/ >half of the threads are blacked cuck s--- >other half is loli s--- >tfw

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Anon loves his mom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/11/17(Mon)23:27:51 No.753574540 >be 17 >be chatting in group chat with friends >be sending some memes >accidently send a meme to mom >shieeet.jpeg >explain to mom 58 KB PNG >mom sends a rare pepe >allmywut.jpeg >turns out mom knows alot about good memes >now we send memes to eachother almost daily >never been happier all my life >pic related
: Anonymous 12/11/17(Mon)23:27:51 No.753574540 >be 17 >be chatting in group chat with friends >be sending some memes >accidently send a meme to mom >shieeet.jpeg >explain to mom 58 KB PNG >mom sends a rare pepe >allmywut.jpeg >turns out mom knows alot about good memes >now we send memes to eachother almost daily >never been happier all my life >pic related

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Anon gets mocked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)12:05:39 No.63466398 >family made fun of me for trying to be a video game streamer again 43 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)12:05:39 No.63466398 >family made fun of me for trying to be a video game streamer again 43 KB PNG

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Anon almost gets robbed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/18(Tue)19:07:03 No.49670991 >be me 18 year old >walking alone back from uni at night >i see some girl in a hoodie behind me >whatever.avi >i go forward several blocks taking multiple turns because autism (think shes following me) 17 KB JPG > suddenly she sprints forward and grabs my arm casually >"hey anon! its me from highschool! u remember?" >ive never seen this girl in my life >she then pushes me against a building wall and puts her hand on my benis >i close my eyes, autism kicks in >i kick her in the stomack with my knee >while she screams a tall fat n----- comes out of a car >"w-what the f-- u doin! >he had a knife >they were trying to rob me >escape into the shadows with a boner mfw when autism saved my life
: Anonymous 12/04/18(Tue)19:07:03 No.49670991 >be me 18 year old >walking alone back from uni at night >i see some girl in a hoodie behind me >whatever.avi >i go forward several blocks taking multiple turns because autism (think shes following me) 17 KB JPG > suddenly she sprints forward and grabs my arm casually >"hey anon! its me from highschool! u remember?" >ive never seen this girl in my life >she then pushes me against a building wall and puts her hand on my benis >i close my eyes, autism kicks in >i kick her in the stomack with my knee >while she screams a tall fat n----- comes out of a car >"w-what the f-- u doin! >he had a knife >they were trying to rob me >escape into the shadows with a boner mfw when autism saved my life

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Going to Silent Hill. Need anything? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/27/19(Wed)22:51:17 No.22418409 ► >>22418416 >>22418997 I think I found a fake town last year, like Truman show fake >be me >last summer >cross county road trip, hitting up some national parks for /out/ >in central/southern Utah >it's getting late, like 10pm (been driving since 6ish) >it's dark as f---, no moon, can only see what's lit up by my headlights >decide to find someplace to rest for the night at next exit >see a town off in the distance, turn off on only pull off I've seen for over an hour heading towards town >pull off is unmarked and unlit, not on car gps, no cell service >town is directly ahead though, keep going >road turns to dirt road and is about 5 miles until it turns to pavement again right at the town where businesses and houses started showing up >immediately town strikes me as weird >nobody is on the streets, no cars on the streets or in the businesses parking lots. >jazz music is being pumped through the streets for some reason, not loudly but loud enough to hear >this town that looked to be about 7 blocks wide from some miles out has every major fast food chain l've heard of and 7 hotels on the main street >still no cell service, still not on car GPS >go to get food >KFC was fully illuminated and unlocked, nobody there. Same thing with Jack in the Box. >McDonald's has a cashier and cook when I go there, both look annoyed >take my order, give me distinctly non McDonald's nuggets and fries >leave >start going to get a bed for the night >Hampton Inn, empty parking lot, 3rd annoyed looking person informs me they're all booked up >La Quinta, person I'm now convinced was the cook at McDonald's is behind the check in counter, also empty parking lot, also fully booked >Holiday Inn Express, empty parking lot, person that was clearly the f------ cashier at McDonald's is behind the check in counter, surprisingly they have rooms >ask him if he's the guy from McDonald's "uhh, no, that's my brother" >f--- it, good enough for me >get to room, wifi exists but nothing loads, shower, crash Cont >>22418409 # >wake up next day, no breakfast in lobby, no other guests, >McDonald's guy still there for check out >ask him how to get out of town >"same road you came in on" >head to McDonald's to get something to eat >town is still playing smooth jazz >still nobody on the street >order at drive thru >drive thru lady is definitely lady from the Hampton Inn >ordered a f------ mcgriddle and black coffee, she hands me a microwave English muffin sandwich and what I assume to be some kind of instant coffee >place is too f------ weird to stay and argue >heading down the only f------ road in and out of town >maybe 3 miles onto the 5 mile dirt road notice big metal-wire fence on both sides of the road in the desert, meet on the road in a big motorized gate that is open >soon as I pass thru, gate starts closing >get back onto road, finally get onto 62? That's not right, could've sworn I was on 89 when I decided to pull off and there's mountains in between >finally get cell service, nothing matches description of town, none of the charges ever show up on my card I've told some people and 1 suggested it was Richfield but I know I was south of there and you know, they would've actually charged me for stuff.
Anonymous 03/27/19(Wed)22:51:17 No.22418409 ► >>22418416 >>22418997 I think I found a fake town last year, like Truman show fake >be me >last summer >cross county road trip, hitting up some national parks for /out/ >in central/southern Utah >it's getting late, like 10pm (been driving since 6ish) >it's dark as f---, no moon, can only see what's lit up by my headlights >decide to find someplace to rest for the night at next exit >see a town off in the distance, turn off on only pull off I've seen for over an hour heading towards town >pull off is unmarked and unlit, not on car gps, no cell service >town is directly ahead though, keep going >road turns to dirt road and is about 5 miles until it turns to pavement again right at the town where businesses and houses started showing up >immediately town strikes me as weird >nobody is on the streets, no cars on the streets or in the businesses parking lots. >jazz music is being pumped through the streets for some reason, not loudly but loud enough to hear >this town that looked to be about 7 blocks wide from some miles out has every major fast food chain l've heard of and 7 hotels on the main street >still no cell service, still not on car GPS >go to get food >KFC was fully illuminated and unlocked, nobody there. Same thing with Jack in the Box. >McDonald's has a cashier and cook when I go there, both look annoyed >take my order, give me distinctly non McDonald's nuggets and fries >leave >start going to get a bed for the night >Hampton Inn, empty parking lot, 3rd annoyed looking person informs me they're all booked up >La Quinta, person I'm now convinced was the cook at McDonald's is behind the check in counter, also empty parking lot, also fully booked >Holiday Inn Express, empty parking lot, person that was clearly the f------ cashier at McDonald's is behind the check in counter, surprisingly they have rooms >ask him if he's the guy from McDonald's "uhh, no, that's my brother" >f--- it, good enough for me >get to room, wifi exists but nothing loads, shower, crash Cont >>22418409 # >wake up next day, no breakfast in lobby, no other guests, >McDonald's guy still there for check out >ask him how to get out of town >"same road you came in on" >head to McDonald's to get something to eat >town is still playing smooth jazz >still nobody on the street >order at drive thru >drive thru lady is definitely lady from the Hampton Inn >ordered a f------ mcgriddle and black coffee, she hands me a microwave English muffin sandwich and what I assume to be some kind of instant coffee >place is too f------ weird to stay and argue >heading down the only f------ road in and out of town >maybe 3 miles onto the 5 mile dirt road notice big metal-wire fence on both sides of the road in the desert, meet on the road in a big motorized gate that is open >soon as I pass thru, gate starts closing >get back onto road, finally get onto 62? That's not right, could've sworn I was on 89 when I decided to pull off and there's mountains in between >finally get cell service, nothing matches description of town, none of the charges ever show up on my card I've told some people and 1 suggested it was Richfield but I know I was south of there and you know, they would've actually charged me for stuff.

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Anon is from Denmark | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous !E 09/28/19(Sat)11:37:48 No.111908715 >woooow look we stacked a bunch of rocks on top of eachother >please clap 757 KB PNG : Anonymous 09/28/19(Sat)11:43:12 No.111908983 Bad thread : Anonymous H 09/28/19(Sat)11:44:34 No.111909056 yea thats kiddie s--- remember that famous denmark construction like uuuhh wait you dont have any denmark more like nolandmarks Imao >>111909912 # >>111910166 # >>111910244 # >>111910271 # >>111910337 # >>111910383 # >>111910512 # >>111910534 # >>111910535 # >>111910593 # >>111910616 # >>111910734 # >>111910789 # >>111910822 # >>111910844 #
: Anonymous !E 09/28/19(Sat)11:37:48 No.111908715 >woooow look we stacked a bunch of rocks on top of eachother >please clap 757 KB PNG : Anonymous 09/28/19(Sat)11:43:12 No.111908983 Bad thread : Anonymous H 09/28/19(Sat)11:44:34 No.111909056 yea thats kiddie s--- remember that famous denmark construction like uuuhh wait you dont have any denmark more like nolandmarks Imao >>111909912 # >>111910166 # >>111910244 # >>111910271 # >>111910337 # >>111910383 # >>111910512 # >>111910534 # >>111910535 # >>111910593 # >>111910616 # >>111910734 # >>111910789 # >>111910822 # >>111910844 #

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anon's friend can't take a joke | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/24/21(Sat)00:53:44 No.852792905 >be me >Tuesday at school >it's 5th period and I'm bored as s--- >turn to my friend and say "don't come to school on may 2nd lol 19 KB JPG >next day I get called into the guidance counselors office >start talking about how they think I'm dangerous and that I'm gonna shoot up the school >mfw May 2nd is a f------ sunday
: Anonymous 04/24/21(Sat)00:53:44 No.852792905 >be me >Tuesday at school >it's 5th period and I'm bored as s--- >turn to my friend and say "don't come to school on may 2nd lol 19 KB JPG >next day I get called into the guidance counselors office >start talking about how they think I'm dangerous and that I'm gonna shoot up the school >mfw May 2nd is a f------ sunday

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Anon had a cum meltdown | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)12:18:16 No.63450123 >be several weeks into nofap >wake up nutting in my undies HOW THE F--- DO I STOP THIS GUYS SERIOUSLY THIS IS B------- I F------ HATE MY BODY I'M F------ 20 YEARS OLD THIS SHOULDN'T BE 93 KB PNG HAPPENING TO A GROWN ASS MAN I WAS DREAMING ABOUT F------ NOTHING SEXUAL EVEN : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)12:27:31 No.63450170 >>63450123 (OP) # c-- meltdown >>63450212 #
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)12:18:16 No.63450123 >be several weeks into nofap >wake up nutting in my undies HOW THE F--- DO I STOP THIS GUYS SERIOUSLY THIS IS B------- I F------ HATE MY BODY I'M F------ 20 YEARS OLD THIS SHOULDN'T BE 93 KB PNG HAPPENING TO A GROWN ASS MAN I WAS DREAMING ABOUT F------ NOTHING SEXUAL EVEN : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)12:27:31 No.63450170 >>63450123 (OP) # c-- meltdown >>63450212 #

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Anon has an encounter with the police | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 749949132 2 min. ago >Be me, 25 >gf works w/ the police force, so do i >we make a list of kinky s--- we want to do in our life. >last week at check up get told I have terminal cancer >family and gf devastated >remember list 22.8 kB JPG >tell gf we should do the top kinky thing on the list >gf wants to have sex in the sewers >mfw >whatever, only 3 months to live anyway >sneak out at night >go to sewers >have sex >lets me c-- in her >s--- was cash >moral of the story is >f--- the police >coming straight from the underground
Anonymous | 749949132 2 min. ago >Be me, 25 >gf works w/ the police force, so do i >we make a list of kinky s--- we want to do in our life. >last week at check up get told I have terminal cancer >family and gf devastated >remember list 22.8 kB JPG >tell gf we should do the top kinky thing on the list >gf wants to have sex in the sewers >mfw >whatever, only 3 months to live anyway >sneak out at night >go to sewers >have sex >lets me c-- in her >s--- was cash >moral of the story is >f--- the police >coming straight from the underground

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Anon is sneaky | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)15:15:46 No.777675156 >get home from uni one day >live with two roommates, guy and grill who are in a relationship >love to touch her boobs in 21 KB JPG her sleep >one night alone, shes asleep, he's not home >nowisthetime.good >go to her room and start feeling her, instant boner >sosoft.nani >he walks in on me >beats me up, gives me black eye, breaks 2 ribs and 3 fingers >she never found out Why is my dad like this anons?
: Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)15:15:46 No.777675156 >get home from uni one day >live with two roommates, guy and grill who are in a relationship >love to touch her boobs in 21 KB JPG her sleep >one night alone, shes asleep, he's not home >nowisthetime.good >go to her room and start feeling her, instant boner >sosoft.nani >he walks in on me >beats me up, gives me black eye, breaks 2 ribs and 3 fingers >she never found out Why is my dad like this anons?

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bin ich ein Mann? Nine | /r/Greentext

File: suicide_guy.jpg (120 KB, 1300x957) Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)05:35:51 No.853382415 [Reply] D>>853385099 >be me >5'6 subhuman >playing on vr >squeaker starts speaking >realises he's taller than me >asks him how tall he is >5'9 >asks how old he is Intire.a >9 >cries should i kill my self anon?
File: suicide_guy.jpg (120 KB, 1300x957) Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)05:35:51 No.853382415 [Reply] D>>853385099 >be me >5'6 subhuman >playing on vr >squeaker starts speaking >realises he's taller than me >asks him how tall he is >5'9 >asks how old he is Intire.a >9 >cries should i kill my self anon?

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Anon's cap is 2 inches | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)19:32:08 No.845761015 >be me 12 O >uncle forces me to do a sex tape >video gets out >school mates see it >everyone at school makes fun of 52 KB PNG me >'haha anon could only take 2 inches before tapping out' >shut up! >'anon your such a p----, when i was 10 i could take my dad AND my uncle at once' >you all sh...shut up!! >'hey anon do you have the answers to our math homework?" >*tears in eyes* >i said shut up!!! >run away crying I hated that school
: Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)19:32:08 No.845761015 >be me 12 O >uncle forces me to do a sex tape >video gets out >school mates see it >everyone at school makes fun of 52 KB PNG me >'haha anon could only take 2 inches before tapping out' >shut up! >'anon your such a p----, when i was 10 i could take my dad AND my uncle at once' >you all sh...shut up!! >'hey anon do you have the answers to our math homework?" >*tears in eyes* >i said shut up!!! >run away crying I hated that school

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Anon is an immigrant | /r/Greentext

BTENVENIDOS O Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)16:30:00 No.853165966 EKICO >be me >illegal immigrant >roaming from country to country >Becoming the world's most illegal immigrant
BTENVENIDOS O Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)16:30:00 No.853165966 EKICO >be me >illegal immigrant >roaming from country to country >Becoming the world's most illegal immigrant

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Anon is confused | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)21:27:00 No.63461418 >be me about a week ago >in college class >answered some question the prof asked >kid in my class makes a joke and says that I talk in Times New Roman 185 KB PNG >whatthefuckdoesthatmean.jpg >everyone laughs >they say they meant it as a compliment What the f--- does this mean? Im a bit autistic so I don't get clues like this. Am I just being made fun of?
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)21:27:00 No.63461418 >be me about a week ago >in college class >answered some question the prof asked >kid in my class makes a joke and says that I talk in Times New Roman 185 KB PNG >whatthefuckdoesthatmean.jpg >everyone laughs >they say they meant it as a compliment What the f--- does this mean? Im a bit autistic so I don't get clues like this. Am I just being made fun of?

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Pachelbel's Cannon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)22:17:24 No.853360323 >Be me hate weddings >Get invited to friends wedding >Be given bag of rice to throw over couples heads as they leave >Pelt couple with rice as hard as possible instead >Never get invited to weddings 1.16 MB JPG anymore God i love my genius
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)22:17:24 No.853360323 >Be me hate weddings >Get invited to friends wedding >Be given bag of rice to throw over couples heads as they leave >Pelt couple with rice as hard as possible instead >Never get invited to weddings 1.16 MB JPG anymore God i love my genius

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Anon is trying new things | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)16:45:28 No.63468123 >desperately lonely >decide to get topped >go on Grindr and find some dude to stretch me out >can't get an erection >let him f--- my up the ass >it hurts, realise I'm 100% straight >pretend to enjoy it and let him finish because I 23 KB JPG don't want to be rude >find excuse to leave >go home, uninstall Grindr and go back to wishing I had a gf instead Don't fall for the meme
: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)16:45:28 No.63468123 >desperately lonely >decide to get topped >go on Grindr and find some dude to stretch me out >can't get an erection >let him f--- my up the ass >it hurts, realise I'm 100% straight >pretend to enjoy it and let him finish because I 23 KB JPG don't want to be rude >find excuse to leave >go home, uninstall Grindr and go back to wishing I had a gf instead Don't fall for the meme

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Anon BTFO'es vegans. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/06/18(Thu)20:04:07 No.11576914 Abacus.png 7 KB PNG >Vegans complain about inhumane conditions for animals No f------ s--- the conditions are inhumane, they're not human
: Anonymous 12/06/18(Thu)20:04:07 No.11576914 Abacus.png 7 KB PNG >Vegans complain about inhumane conditions for animals No f------ s--- the conditions are inhumane, they're not human

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Anon is home alone | /r/Greentext

>Be me, suspended from school >Wake up home alone >J------- >Nobody's around so I decide to tell really loudly during my coom >Pull up my pants >Begin walking around my house with my 20 KB JPG phone playing old rock music really loudly >l'm singing and dancing around like an autist, imagining that me and my friends are in a band playing the songs >I can smell the coom from my j------- session earlier >Decide to take a shower >In the shower for like 20 minutes screeching Amarillo by Morning at the top of my lungs >Finish shower, turn off the water >"Anon what do you want from Dunkin?" >Mfw it was my mom >Mfw she never left >My f------ face when she was listening to all of that in the next room over This happened 5 or 6 years ago and it still keeps me up at night
>Be me, suspended from school >Wake up home alone >J------- >Nobody's around so I decide to tell really loudly during my coom >Pull up my pants >Begin walking around my house with my 20 KB JPG phone playing old rock music really loudly >l'm singing and dancing around like an autist, imagining that me and my friends are in a band playing the songs >I can smell the coom from my j------- session earlier >Decide to take a shower >In the shower for like 20 minutes screeching Amarillo by Morning at the top of my lungs >Finish shower, turn off the water >"Anon what do you want from Dunkin?" >Mfw it was my mom >Mfw she never left >My f------ face when she was listening to all of that in the next room over This happened 5 or 6 years ago and it still keeps me up at night

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Anon doesn‘t get incels | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)13:58:43 No.63467260 >despises women >writes essays on why women are terrible >god I wish I could have a wife >writes essays on why being an incel is terrible 74 KB PNG >continues to despise women even more Why do they do this to themselves?
: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)13:58:43 No.63467260 >despises women >writes essays on why women are terrible >god I wish I could have a wife >writes essays on why being an incel is terrible 74 KB PNG >continues to despise women even more Why do they do this to themselves?

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Anon plays Paper Mario | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/23/18(Sat)19:13:48 No.772383429 >be 9 >playing Paper Mario >halfway through game get to part where you have to buy a quest item from a store >shop owner (toad) says item is out of stock and will be in stock soon 309 KB PNG >assume it means I have to actually WAIT for it >spend 3 IRL months checking in the game to see if the item has come in stock yet >8 years later watching a speedrun of the game >realize you didn't have to f------ wait for it, you just had to f------ continue the game and it'd come after a checkpoint am I retarded 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 06/23/18(Sat)19:26:54 No.772384417 yes
: Anonymous 06/23/18(Sat)19:13:48 No.772383429 >be 9 >playing Paper Mario >halfway through game get to part where you have to buy a quest item from a store >shop owner (toad) says item is out of stock and will be in stock soon 309 KB PNG >assume it means I have to actually WAIT for it >spend 3 IRL months checking in the game to see if the item has come in stock yet >8 years later watching a speedrun of the game >realize you didn't have to f------ wait for it, you just had to f------ continue the game and it'd come after a checkpoint am I retarded 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 06/23/18(Sat)19:26:54 No.772384417 yes

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