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Anon had me in the fist half | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Zwfn0gJH Imagine... 05/01/21(Sat)11:17:41 No.319493977 >be me >Be an arbitrary currency that is not backed by anything >be the source of inflation caused by over-speculation and the over- reliance on investment firms >be the source of revenue for 130 KB JPG criminals, ponzi schemes and multi-level marketing scams >be the US Dollar Pic unrelated.
: Anonymous (ID: Zwfn0gJH Imagine... 05/01/21(Sat)11:17:41 No.319493977 >be me >Be an arbitrary currency that is not backed by anything >be the source of inflation caused by over-speculation and the over- reliance on investment firms >be the source of revenue for 130 KB JPG criminals, ponzi schemes and multi-level marketing scams >be the US Dollar Pic unrelated.

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Anon uses an Aimbot | /r/Greentext

Hey you denizens, I'm back with another story. >be me >16 going on 17 >Nephew invites me to his Bday party 15 KB JPG >why not >learn he invited his friends and crush >l arrive >see his bois and his crush >j------- located >day goes on >playing nerf and kicking ass >end of the day >we have a room with a wall of nerf guns and ammo >me and crush on a team >we go into room to get supplies >loading my mags thinking about game plan >hear from behind “now is as good a time as any" >turn around >her belt is off and shes pulling her pants down >This bitch >"pull your pants up" >shes listens >run out of the room and immediately shoot a dart down the barrel of my nephews gun jamming it. >win >i can feel my self confidence growing ever stronger >End the night with her playing with my hair as i sit on the floor resting >Nephew is p----- Its nerf or nothing bitch.
Hey you denizens, I'm back with another story. >be me >16 going on 17 >Nephew invites me to his Bday party 15 KB JPG >why not >learn he invited his friends and crush >l arrive >see his bois and his crush >j------- located >day goes on >playing nerf and kicking ass >end of the day >we have a room with a wall of nerf guns and ammo >me and crush on a team >we go into room to get supplies >loading my mags thinking about game plan >hear from behind “now is as good a time as any" >turn around >her belt is off and shes pulling her pants down >This bitch >"pull your pants up" >shes listens >run out of the room and immediately shoot a dart down the barrel of my nephews gun jamming it. >win >i can feel my self confidence growing ever stronger >End the night with her playing with my hair as i sit on the floor resting >Nephew is p----- Its nerf or nothing bitch.

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Anon can't grow beard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)19:31:50 No.63453403 >tfw you aren't allowed to do the things Chad will do as society will judge you >tfw you are genetic dead end just because you have no chin Only a couple millimetres decide your fate 6 KB JPG 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)19:42:22 No.63453505 >>63453403 (OP)# Grow a beard f----- >>63453562 # : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)19:49:51 No.63453562 >>63453505 # I cannot
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)19:31:50 No.63453403 >tfw you aren't allowed to do the things Chad will do as society will judge you >tfw you are genetic dead end just because you have no chin Only a couple millimetres decide your fate 6 KB JPG 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)19:42:22 No.63453505 >>63453403 (OP)# Grow a beard f----- >>63453562 # : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)19:49:51 No.63453562 >>63453505 # I cannot

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Anon uses a printer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 793412902 12 min. ago ••• Greentext stories thread. I'll start >be me >horny as f--- the whole day >finally come home >directly boot up pc and start fapping >mid-fap want to switch to different p--- vid >try to use my left hand to use the mouse since d--- is in right one >miss click the right mouse button and click print from the menu >think nothing of it since printer is off and it needs approval to print s--- >fast forward acouple of days later >mom wants to print an excel chart for work 8.6 kB JPG >calls me to help her >printer s---- out 2 sheets of paper >mfw i see a screencap of the weird p--- s--- i was watching slowly emerge from the printer
Anonymous | 793412902 12 min. ago ••• Greentext stories thread. I'll start >be me >horny as f--- the whole day >finally come home >directly boot up pc and start fapping >mid-fap want to switch to different p--- vid >try to use my left hand to use the mouse since d--- is in right one >miss click the right mouse button and click print from the menu >think nothing of it since printer is off and it needs approval to print s--- >fast forward acouple of days later >mom wants to print an excel chart for work 8.6 kB JPG >calls me to help her >printer s---- out 2 sheets of paper >mfw i see a screencap of the weird p--- s--- i was watching slowly emerge from the printer

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anon is child free | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/27/19(Thu)23:04:40 No.803324532 >stupid as f--- >you have to teach them everything >also have to feed them >have to clean up their s--- >will wake you at unreasonable 55 KB JPG hours >most people consider them cute, but they aren't >expensive to take care of Why do people want babies? Pic unrelated
: Anonymous 06/27/19(Thu)23:04:40 No.803324532 >stupid as f--- >you have to teach them everything >also have to feed them >have to clean up their s--- >will wake you at unreasonable 55 KB JPG hours >most people consider them cute, but they aren't >expensive to take care of Why do people want babies? Pic unrelated

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Anon is from Chicago | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/17(Wed)20:23:52 No.721801441 >Be me >Walking around downtown Chicago >Find flashdrive >Take it home and boot it up on my laptop >One folder on it 7 KB JPG >Named MF.exe >Open it >Filled with hundreds of pictures of Morgan Freeman >mfw Pic related, it was on the drive 8 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 02/08/17(Wed)20:23:52 No.721801441 >Be me >Walking around downtown Chicago >Find flashdrive >Take it home and boot it up on my laptop >One folder on it 7 KB JPG >Named MF.exe >Open it >Filled with hundreds of pictures of Morgan Freeman >mfw Pic related, it was on the drive 8 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Anon’s world has been shattered | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ngmi 04/30/21(Fri)20:50:47 No.63460967 > Always thought I was an average 5'8. >mfw am actually f------ 5'7. 28 KB JPG
: Anonymous ngmi 04/30/21(Fri)20:50:47 No.63460967 > Always thought I was an average 5'8. >mfw am actually f------ 5'7. 28 KB JPG

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Anon on FDS | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)19:29:10 No.63455454 r/femaledatingstrategy: > Bragging to random people on the internet about how you will most likely be single forever > Hates men > Traceable account 6 KB JPG 4chan: > Bragging to random people on the internet about how you will most likely be single forever > Hates women > Anonymous and they act like we're the dumb ones reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)19:29:10 No.63455454 r/femaledatingstrategy: > Bragging to random people on the internet about how you will most likely be single forever > Hates men > Traceable account 6 KB JPG 4chan: > Bragging to random people on the internet about how you will most likely be single forever > Hates women > Anonymous and they act like we're the dumb ones reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/

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A school shooting changes Anon's life. | /r/Greentext

: onymous 12/27/18(Thu)12:26:40 No.788358682 >be me >sophomore in highschool >1999 >picked on EVERY. F------. DAY >always "haha you're a f----- anon" "f--- anon he's weird" "get a life anon" 9 KB JPG >then one day something happened >something magical >FUCKINGCOLUMBINE.Jpeg >suddenly I'm not so weird >suddenly people say "hey anon how you doing today?" "Hey anon there's a party at chads house tonight you should come" >mfw columbine improved my highschool life 500% because these normies thought I was gonna go Library squad on them Felt good man.
: onymous 12/27/18(Thu)12:26:40 No.788358682 >be me >sophomore in highschool >1999 >picked on EVERY. F------. DAY >always "haha you're a f----- anon" "f--- anon he's weird" "get a life anon" 9 KB JPG >then one day something happened >something magical >FUCKINGCOLUMBINE.Jpeg >suddenly I'm not so weird >suddenly people say "hey anon how you doing today?" "Hey anon there's a party at chads house tonight you should come" >mfw columbine improved my highschool life 500% because these normies thought I was gonna go Library squad on them Felt good man.

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Anon arrives in cat | /r/Greentext

File: 1350838500290.jpg-(8 KB, 341x321, me.jpg) Anonymous (ID: 14WGAYRQ) 10/21/12(Sun)12:55:00 No.431948857 Replies: >>431949621 let has alpha thread start >19 >make vision to hot girl on road >she reply >i ambulatory to her >she try go away >i pursue >faster than her, am like tiger chase rabbit, she slow enough >she query "what want" >i respond "cat" >she receive naked >i sex her in road >car honk >shout f--- off i preoccupy with sex the cat >taxi commander exit >punch face and commander defeat >girl scream 'what you do' >i say "shut f---" >arrive in her cat >feces so money image familiar
File: 1350838500290.jpg-(8 KB, 341x321, me.jpg) Anonymous (ID: 14WGAYRQ) 10/21/12(Sun)12:55:00 No.431948857 Replies: >>431949621 let has alpha thread start >19 >make vision to hot girl on road >she reply >i ambulatory to her >she try go away >i pursue >faster than her, am like tiger chase rabbit, she slow enough >she query "what want" >i respond "cat" >she receive naked >i sex her in road >car honk >shout f--- off i preoccupy with sex the cat >taxi commander exit >punch face and commander defeat >girl scream 'what you do' >i say "shut f---" >arrive in her cat >feces so money image familiar

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Dummy switch | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)22:08:34 No.63461915 > be me, suicidal > build machine that will shoot me in the head with perfect accuracy, plan to use it one day > get really drunk one night > for some reason feel a ray of 39 KB JPG hope and dont want to kms > realize im so drunk i wont remember this moment > deliberately break part of my suicide machine so that it wont work when activated > fast forward 2 months, back to suicidal, forgot about drunken night > decide to end it all with the suicide machine > the millisecond after I activate the suicide machine, I feel huge wave of regret > machine fails as planned > realize I never want to attempt suicide again and will make my life better how will you prevent yourself from making the biggest mistake of your life?
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)22:08:34 No.63461915 > be me, suicidal > build machine that will shoot me in the head with perfect accuracy, plan to use it one day > get really drunk one night > for some reason feel a ray of 39 KB JPG hope and dont want to kms > realize im so drunk i wont remember this moment > deliberately break part of my suicide machine so that it wont work when activated > fast forward 2 months, back to suicidal, forgot about drunken night > decide to end it all with the suicide machine > the millisecond after I activate the suicide machine, I feel huge wave of regret > machine fails as planned > realize I never want to attempt suicide again and will make my life better how will you prevent yourself from making the biggest mistake of your life?

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Anon has faith | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/16/19(Sat)07:27:38 No.55367459 >>55367192 (OP)# Always have faith bro >Cat bro doesn't come inside when I call him in for the night >Get worried, can't sleep >Doesn't show the next day, or the next >Week goes by, I'm beside myself knowing my cat's dead >Ten days later neighbor calls me >Said he opened his garage door and thinks my cat bolted out >Run downstairs >Cat bro is sitting by the back door, super skinny but acting like nothing happened Don't give up hope for your bro
: Anonymous 11/16/19(Sat)07:27:38 No.55367459 >>55367192 (OP)# Always have faith bro >Cat bro doesn't come inside when I call him in for the night >Get worried, can't sleep >Doesn't show the next day, or the next >Week goes by, I'm beside myself knowing my cat's dead >Ten days later neighbor calls me >Said he opened his garage door and thinks my cat bolted out >Run downstairs >Cat bro is sitting by the back door, super skinny but acting like nothing happened Don't give up hope for your bro

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Anon is a grown up now | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)23:27:20 No.63413282 >be me >18yo uni student >chilling with some people outside during lunch >we take turns throwing a plastic package of salad dressing up in the air to see if it'll pop open 89 KB JPG >my turn >autism.exe >yeet the sauce on the table with full force >package breaks, people covered in sauce >mfw it was white sauce >mfw it landed on some girls >later virgins
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)23:27:20 No.63413282 >be me >18yo uni student >chilling with some people outside during lunch >we take turns throwing a plastic package of salad dressing up in the air to see if it'll pop open 89 KB JPG >my turn >autism.exe >yeet the sauce on the table with full force >package breaks, people covered in sauce >mfw it was white sauce >mfw it landed on some girls >later virgins

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Anon loses rat imp | /r/Greentext

>be me >be a janitor at my the local mall by day >be necromancer by night >studied necromancy in secret for 153 KB JPG years >basically my job consists of driving around a Zamboni and moping restrooms at the mall >at home I read dark magic books in pdf and post on /x/ and practice the dark arts >one day found a dead fetus in one of the toilets at the mall >blood everywhere >seems that someone did not want to have a baby or something >fetus is maybe 4-5 months old >cleaned the room >place the lifeless fetus inside a black plastic bag >go home >practice some spells on it >nothing >decide to implant a lost soul into it >somehow I created an imp >ugly looking but does not attack me >the imp looks hungry >lock it into the basement >imp feed on rats and mice for the first nights >hide the imp inside a metal toolbox >get s side gig as an exterminator >co worker mention rats in her attic >go to her house and let the toolbox with the imp overnight >her rat problem got resolved >place my imp back into the toolbox >left the toolbox in the back of my truck >stop to refuel at a gas station >go inside wait in line to pay for gas >when I came back realize someone stole my toolbox >my face when someone out there has my rat eating imp
>be me >be a janitor at my the local mall by day >be necromancer by night >studied necromancy in secret for 153 KB JPG years >basically my job consists of driving around a Zamboni and moping restrooms at the mall >at home I read dark magic books in pdf and post on /x/ and practice the dark arts >one day found a dead fetus in one of the toilets at the mall >blood everywhere >seems that someone did not want to have a baby or something >fetus is maybe 4-5 months old >cleaned the room >place the lifeless fetus inside a black plastic bag >go home >practice some spells on it >nothing >decide to implant a lost soul into it >somehow I created an imp >ugly looking but does not attack me >the imp looks hungry >lock it into the basement >imp feed on rats and mice for the first nights >hide the imp inside a metal toolbox >get s side gig as an exterminator >co worker mention rats in her attic >go to her house and let the toolbox with the imp overnight >her rat problem got resolved >place my imp back into the toolbox >left the toolbox in the back of my truck >stop to refuel at a gas station >go inside wait in line to pay for gas >when I came back realize someone stole my toolbox >my face when someone out there has my rat eating imp

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Anon dies in 1930s Germany | /r/Greentext

>'Il be an WAFFEN-SS officer. >Setting: Berlin 1939 71 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)16:13:47 No.9608125 >dies photo related 67 KB JPG
>'Il be an WAFFEN-SS officer. >Setting: Berlin 1939 71 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)16:13:47 No.9608125 >dies photo related 67 KB JPG

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Anon likes pork | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)15:40:14 No.853334843 >be me, eating a pulled pork sandwich >life is good >be you, not eating a pulled pork sandwich why even keep living? 33 KB JPG 6 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)15:40:14 No.853334843 >be me, eating a pulled pork sandwich >life is good >be you, not eating a pulled pork sandwich why even keep living? 33 KB JPG 6 Replies View Thread

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Anon is a redhead | /r/Greentext

File: wrong number.jpg (129 KB, 1440x1594) last night I face timed the wrong # n this ginger picked up. Ended up chatting for 30 min. He was actually chill af. Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)17:22:21 No.853352727 ► >853352890 >be me >be redhead >be dyslexic
File: wrong number.jpg (129 KB, 1440x1594) last night I face timed the wrong # n this ginger picked up. Ended up chatting for 30 min. He was actually chill af. Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)17:22:21 No.853352727 ► >853352890 >be me >be redhead >be dyslexic

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Can’t even think of a fucking title for this one.... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)22:23:36 No.47613948 >>47613790 # >Really severe autists "live in their own world" F--- 50 KB JPG >>47614513 # : Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)22:47:53 No.47614513 >>47613948 # whats wrong anon? originolyify : Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)23:28:46 No.47615423 When I'm taking a s--- I always point my finger gun at the door because l'm expecting the clown from McDonald's to banzai charge me with a gun while l'm pushing the log out What the f--- is wrong with me? 625 KB PNG
: Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)22:23:36 No.47613948 >>47613790 # >Really severe autists "live in their own world" F--- 50 KB JPG >>47614513 # : Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)22:47:53 No.47614513 >>47613948 # whats wrong anon? originolyify : Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)23:28:46 No.47615423 When I'm taking a s--- I always point my finger gun at the door because l'm expecting the clown from McDonald's to banzai charge me with a gun while l'm pushing the log out What the f--- is wrong with me? 625 KB PNG

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Anon's gf likes ranch | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)01:02:40 No.853294636 >be me >17 >been chatting with neighbor girl for a while >qt 8/10 alt/goth gf, likes vidya and s--- so that's enough for me >decide to have her over (live with parents) >pizza night, nothing special >she comes over, has a pretty big shoulder bag with hair stuff, makeup, spare clothes etc >think nothing of it >meets parents, all is going well and we sit down for dinner >remember she likes ranch dressing >"qt, do you want some ranch?" >"no thanks anon, i brought my own" >reaches behind her into the bag slung over the chair >pulls out a big f----off bottle of ranch, like half a gallon or something >me, parents and siblings are all pic related >dad is trying not to laugh >mom is weirded tf out >siblings are just absolutely dumbfounded >im embarassed as f--- but try to move past it >with no shame, qt squirts at léast three ounces of ranch onto her plate for dip, then drizzles some on the slice too >nobody says anything >she smiles at me and giggles, "i told you i like ranch" >then she realizes what the f--- she just did >she looks around at everyone pretending not to stare, face goes completely red, bottle of ranch still on the table >"y-you guys want some ranch?" >"no qt, nobody else here likes ranch on pizza but that's nice of you to offer" >we eat in silence and retreat upstairs >f--- for hours >we all just pretend nothing happened >still tease her about it in private, 5 years later still together
O Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)01:02:40 No.853294636 >be me >17 >been chatting with neighbor girl for a while >qt 8/10 alt/goth gf, likes vidya and s--- so that's enough for me >decide to have her over (live with parents) >pizza night, nothing special >she comes over, has a pretty big shoulder bag with hair stuff, makeup, spare clothes etc >think nothing of it >meets parents, all is going well and we sit down for dinner >remember she likes ranch dressing >"qt, do you want some ranch?" >"no thanks anon, i brought my own" >reaches behind her into the bag slung over the chair >pulls out a big f----off bottle of ranch, like half a gallon or something >me, parents and siblings are all pic related >dad is trying not to laugh >mom is weirded tf out >siblings are just absolutely dumbfounded >im embarassed as f--- but try to move past it >with no shame, qt squirts at léast three ounces of ranch onto her plate for dip, then drizzles some on the slice too >nobody says anything >she smiles at me and giggles, "i told you i like ranch" >then she realizes what the f--- she just did >she looks around at everyone pretending not to stare, face goes completely red, bottle of ranch still on the table >"y-you guys want some ranch?" >"no qt, nobody else here likes ranch on pizza but that's nice of you to offer" >we eat in silence and retreat upstairs >f--- for hours >we all just pretend nothing happened >still tease her about it in private, 5 years later still together

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anon uses woman's locker room | /r/Greentext

Anonymous tiswWDSp1319362970 47 min. ago >f2m keeps using my gyms male locker room >walk past while she's getting dressed >"woah this is the guys locker room!" >put my hand in front of my face like l'm hiding her body from my sight >tell the gym manager 2.8 MB WEBM >Sshe says she can use the men's locker room if she identifies as male >"so I can use the women's locker room if I identify as female?" >she starts to say no but bites her tongue and just asks rudely "do you need anything else today?" Then walks away >next day start using women's locker room >immediate salt from all the women bitching >they report me to the gym manager >l tell her I identify as female >she knows I'm bullshitting but can't call me out on it or she'll lose her job >she tells all the women if they feel uncomfortable just wait until I finish and leave the locker room >4 days later sign on locker room doors "please use locker room that coincides with born sex" >f2m t----- BTFO into women's locker room
Anonymous tiswWDSp1319362970 47 min. ago >f2m keeps using my gyms male locker room >walk past while she's getting dressed >"woah this is the guys locker room!" >put my hand in front of my face like l'm hiding her body from my sight >tell the gym manager 2.8 MB WEBM >Sshe says she can use the men's locker room if she identifies as male >"so I can use the women's locker room if I identify as female?" >she starts to say no but bites her tongue and just asks rudely "do you need anything else today?" Then walks away >next day start using women's locker room >immediate salt from all the women bitching >they report me to the gym manager >l tell her I identify as female >she knows I'm bullshitting but can't call me out on it or she'll lose her job >she tells all the women if they feel uncomfortable just wait until I finish and leave the locker room >4 days later sign on locker room doors "please use locker room that coincides with born sex" >f2m t----- BTFO into women's locker room

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