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May the light of God cleanse your soul | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)14:57:09 No.853087677 >be me >l really get my schtick tickled by Giant Femboy p--- lately >l usually spunk on my bunk >Parents are omega Christian >One day they bring an UV flashlight home 33 KB JPG > "Anon, we want to check your room to make sure you haven't been doing anything sinful" >They point the light at my bed >Waitno >Lightfromheavens.rus >Parents vaporised instantly >Neighbors cat catches on fire >S--- looks like an actual rapture I guess I'm gonna get sent to the orphanage for the third time this month
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)14:57:09 No.853087677 >be me >l really get my schtick tickled by Giant Femboy p--- lately >l usually spunk on my bunk >Parents are omega Christian >One day they bring an UV flashlight home 33 KB JPG > "Anon, we want to check your room to make sure you haven't been doing anything sinful" >They point the light at my bed >Waitno >Lightfromheavens.rus >Parents vaporised instantly >Neighbors cat catches on fire >S--- looks like an actual rapture I guess I'm gonna get sent to the orphanage for the third time this month

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Anon makes a discovery | /r/Greentext

1h (4/27 9:15) · 853076911 21 Re · 3 Img · JPG 282KB · (1080 × 1075) 7 Replies Spas What are some dumb things you believed as a child? >Figured out jerking off entirely by accident >Kept it a secret for about 3 years because I thought I was the only one figured it out >Wanted to patent m----------- when I turn 18 and make billions off of it 1h (4/27 9:18) · 853077032 I thought doing sit-ups would make my d--- bigger
1h (4/27 9:15) · 853076911 21 Re · 3 Img · JPG 282KB · (1080 × 1075) 7 Replies Spas What are some dumb things you believed as a child? >Figured out jerking off entirely by accident >Kept it a secret for about 3 years because I thought I was the only one figured it out >Wanted to patent m----------- when I turn 18 and make billions off of it 1h (4/27 9:18) · 853077032 I thought doing sit-ups would make my d--- bigger

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Anon takes a shower | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)05:41:14 No.853082901 >be me >taking a normal shower, my left nostril kinda clogged. >press on the right one with my finger and blow air >try to aim for the drain 136 KB PNG >snot shoots out like a bullet >hit my d--- >mfw
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)05:41:14 No.853082901 >be me >taking a normal shower, my left nostril kinda clogged. >press on the right one with my finger and blow air >try to aim for the drain 136 KB PNG >snot shoots out like a bullet >hit my d--- >mfw

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Anon has a fetish (link in comments) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)09:50:31 No.63406040 >be me >in england >its night time >some van quickly goes down the street chasing a giant rabbit >theres a f------ dog driving the 6 KB JPG car >he pushes a button and the hood of the van opens up, a f------ hand comes out with a lasso to try and catch the rabbit >coom and then wake up >mfw I had a f------ wet dream of that one scene from wallace and gromit (link related)
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)09:50:31 No.63406040 >be me >in england >its night time >some van quickly goes down the street chasing a giant rabbit >theres a f------ dog driving the 6 KB JPG car >he pushes a button and the hood of the van opens up, a f------ hand comes out with a lasso to try and catch the rabbit >coom and then wake up >mfw I had a f------ wet dream of that one scene from wallace and gromit (link related)

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Anons life gets better | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)21:21:13 No.63402395 >be me >had a group of childhood friends, early times were fun as s--- >life progresses, the group gets more hostile towards me >they make conceited efforts to isolate me from my friends 70 KB JPG >the group is the textbook definition of narcissistic abusers >realize friendship is done, make friends with former group member >group loses s---, gets me banned off PSN as retaliation, they stalk me to this day >months go by >mental health improves >start working out more often >grades improve >girls have finally shown interest in me after I got over them >might score a gf soon. If not, then oh well >life is good now Leaving a group of childhood "friends" easily takes the cake for the best decision I have ever made for myself. bloomer pic related
: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)21:21:13 No.63402395 >be me >had a group of childhood friends, early times were fun as s--- >life progresses, the group gets more hostile towards me >they make conceited efforts to isolate me from my friends 70 KB JPG >the group is the textbook definition of narcissistic abusers >realize friendship is done, make friends with former group member >group loses s---, gets me banned off PSN as retaliation, they stalk me to this day >months go by >mental health improves >start working out more often >grades improve >girls have finally shown interest in me after I got over them >might score a gf soon. If not, then oh well >life is good now Leaving a group of childhood "friends" easily takes the cake for the best decision I have ever made for myself. bloomer pic related

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Anon finds out shit tastes and smells like shit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)14:09:54 No.853078072 I just bought some poop from a hot girl and when it arrived I opened the bag and it smelled like s--- dude I tried to taste it but I couldn't my whole room smells like s--- right now and I can't get the stink out f--- 414 KB PNG 21 Replies / 4 lImages View Thread
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)14:09:54 No.853078072 I just bought some poop from a hot girl and when it arrived I opened the bag and it smelled like s--- dude I tried to taste it but I couldn't my whole room smells like s--- right now and I can't get the stink out f--- 414 KB PNG 21 Replies / 4 lImages View Thread

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Anon has autism | /r/Greentext


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Anon has a close call | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)06:26:09 No.63407494 >9/10 coworker says she needs to take a piss but the toilets are under maintenance >forget I'm not on the internet and almost say "why don't you piss in my mouth" It almost came out of my mouth. 303 KB JPG Luckily I could hold myself back.
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)06:26:09 No.63407494 >9/10 coworker says she needs to take a piss but the toilets are under maintenance >forget I'm not on the internet and almost say "why don't you piss in my mouth" It almost came out of my mouth. 303 KB JPG Luckily I could hold myself back.

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Anon lost virginity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)06:14:09 No.63401953 >Buy a virginity rocks hoodie >Wear it everywhere I go >stop wearing it after a week >Technically means I lost my virginity >Later Virgins 82 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)06:14:09 No.63401953 >Buy a virginity rocks hoodie >Wear it everywhere I go >stop wearing it after a week >Technically means I lost my virginity >Later Virgins 82 KB JPG

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anon is lazy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)03:08:47 No.63406192 >tfw smart but lazy 97 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)03:10:21 No.63406208 : Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)03:12:39 No.63406225 >>63406192 (OP) # >tfw you thought you were smart but lazy but you were actually retarded all along
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)03:08:47 No.63406192 >tfw smart but lazy 97 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)03:10:21 No.63406208 : Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)03:12:39 No.63406225 >>63406192 (OP) # >tfw you thought you were smart but lazy but you were actually retarded all along

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Anon tells a story | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)06:03:59 No.853083540 Here's a wholesome story for you bots >at dinner with my family at some sports bar >mom and dad both had a bad day and decided to destress, whatever, free food for me 353 KB PNG >throughout the whole dinner they're both kinda glum >my little brother suddenly looks like he had an idea and whispers in my ear "watch this" >he asks mom and dad to look each other in the eye as long as they can >think to myself w-- is he doing, a staring contest? >after about 15 seconds of eye contact they both start smiling and eventually they break into laughter at that. >mfw my lil bro is the best at making people happy Thanks lil bro
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)06:03:59 No.853083540 Here's a wholesome story for you bots >at dinner with my family at some sports bar >mom and dad both had a bad day and decided to destress, whatever, free food for me 353 KB PNG >throughout the whole dinner they're both kinda glum >my little brother suddenly looks like he had an idea and whispers in my ear "watch this" >he asks mom and dad to look each other in the eye as long as they can >think to myself w-- is he doing, a staring contest? >after about 15 seconds of eye contact they both start smiling and eventually they break into laughter at that. >mfw my lil bro is the best at making people happy Thanks lil bro

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Anon is terrified | /r/Greentext

>be me >have cat >small goblin who follows me around house >very loud and cuddly >love her very much 55 KB JPG >notice one day she's eating less >slowly over the week she's moving around less and not drinking often >house is quieter and she's sleeping a lot >she's old now and i think it's her time I'm not ready /b/ I'm just not ready
>be me >have cat >small goblin who follows me around house >very loud and cuddly >love her very much 55 KB JPG >notice one day she's eating less >slowly over the week she's moving around less and not drinking often >house is quieter and she's sleeping a lot >she's old now and i think it's her time I'm not ready /b/ I'm just not ready

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Anon has idea for a movie. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/30/17(Mon)15:16:10 No.749583471 Can someone please make this a movie >Stereotypical zombie movie >End of the movie has the main character being surrounded >Main character chuckles, then 71 KB JPG says some witty line >Main character then reveals that he has been wearing a mask the whole time >Underneath its patchy the pirate >"Are you ready kids?" >Patchy then proceeds to kill each zombie with his erect c--- >Movie ends
: Anonymous 10/30/17(Mon)15:16:10 No.749583471 Can someone please make this a movie >Stereotypical zombie movie >End of the movie has the main character being surrounded >Main character chuckles, then 71 KB JPG says some witty line >Main character then reveals that he has been wearing a mask the whole time >Underneath its patchy the pirate >"Are you ready kids?" >Patchy then proceeds to kill each zombie with his erect c--- >Movie ends

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Anon works at a club | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/18(Fri)16:05:21 No.776783830 Interesting stories? >work as barista at club >19yo eurofag, drinking age 18 here >150 people, big majority are underaged >theres this pipe in the ceiling that's like 7- 8 feet off the ground in one corner, a 234 KB JPG manlet can reach it >14-16yo druggie delinquents dancing like apes >one of them accidentally hits pipe >pipe disconnects from wall, hits another kid in the head >same kid turns around and punches first guy behind him >fight erupts, more idiots join in >shitstorm.mp4 >20 kids f------ fist fighting for a good 5 minutes, music stops >at one point they stop and realize the pipe started the brawl >they tell DJ everything is OK >music starts again, party continues >all of them continue dancing like nothing happened >mfw witnessing all that happen from behind the bar f------ slav parties man
: Anonymous 08/10/18(Fri)16:05:21 No.776783830 Interesting stories? >work as barista at club >19yo eurofag, drinking age 18 here >150 people, big majority are underaged >theres this pipe in the ceiling that's like 7- 8 feet off the ground in one corner, a 234 KB JPG manlet can reach it >14-16yo druggie delinquents dancing like apes >one of them accidentally hits pipe >pipe disconnects from wall, hits another kid in the head >same kid turns around and punches first guy behind him >fight erupts, more idiots join in >shitstorm.mp4 >20 kids f------ fist fighting for a good 5 minutes, music stops >at one point they stop and realize the pipe started the brawl >they tell DJ everything is OK >music starts again, party continues >all of them continue dancing like nothing happened >mfw witnessing all that happen from behind the bar f------ slav parties man

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Racism is fuego | /r/Greentext

The Blunted Sultan 04/27/21(Tue)02:22:03 No.63405318 Racism is fuego >Вe me, 15 >Freshman, got invited to party because funny+pity >At rich kids lakehouse, speedboats and tennis courts and s--- >All alone, no friends. Even marching band kids reject me >Keep drinking cans of soda. See the 398 КВ PNG last grape flavor >Get Grade-A retard idea because teenager >Find only black dude at party. Jamal- very cool, plays bass, gets laid a lot. He's talking to 4 or 5 рeople >Tap his shoulder, he turns around. >"Hey Jamal, I got this for you. Judging by the color of your skin I thought you'd have dibs on the last one" >Long silence. Realize I did a bad racism >He finally says "Yo, I would beat the f--- out of you. but I LOVE grape soda" >He highfives me, everyone laughs >Jamal is so cool >Learn that racism is okay if it's funny
The Blunted Sultan 04/27/21(Tue)02:22:03 No.63405318 Racism is fuego >Вe me, 15 >Freshman, got invited to party because funny+pity >At rich kids lakehouse, speedboats and tennis courts and s--- >All alone, no friends. Even marching band kids reject me >Keep drinking cans of soda. See the 398 КВ PNG last grape flavor >Get Grade-A retard idea because teenager >Find only black dude at party. Jamal- very cool, plays bass, gets laid a lot. He's talking to 4 or 5 рeople >Tap his shoulder, he turns around. >"Hey Jamal, I got this for you. Judging by the color of your skin I thought you'd have dibs on the last one" >Long silence. Realize I did a bad racism >He finally says "Yo, I would beat the f--- out of you. but I LOVE grape soda" >He highfives me, everyone laughs >Jamal is so cool >Learn that racism is okay if it's funny

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Anon is tricked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)19:16:53 No.852960745 >be me >watching anime with gf >anime girl with humongous t--- comes on screen >"wow anon, she's got bigger boobs than me" 20 KB PNG >"yeah" >flips out at me >"w-- anon? you think she's better?" >"what? no!" >continues to flip out this bitch set me up do women really feel the need for constant validation that they're so special? | Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)19:22:04 No.852961094 >>852960745 (OP) # anon, why don't you just become a f----- and find yourself a man 6 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)19:30:43 No.852961700 some do don't date those women, find a chill one : Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)19:33:08 No.852961859 >>852960745 (OP) # if she's going to flip over an anime, imagine what she would do over a girl you see while being with her on the street. she sounds childish.
: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)19:16:53 No.852960745 >be me >watching anime with gf >anime girl with humongous t--- comes on screen >"wow anon, she's got bigger boobs than me" 20 KB PNG >"yeah" >flips out at me >"w-- anon? you think she's better?" >"what? no!" >continues to flip out this bitch set me up do women really feel the need for constant validation that they're so special? | Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)19:22:04 No.852961094 >>852960745 (OP) # anon, why don't you just become a f----- and find yourself a man 6 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)19:30:43 No.852961700 some do don't date those women, find a chill one : Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)19:33:08 No.852961859 >>852960745 (OP) # if she's going to flip over an anime, imagine what she would do over a girl you see while being with her on the street. she sounds childish.

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Anon's impression of Reddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)01:08:45 No.63329573 >now that the dust has settled 152 KB PNG 3 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)01:09:49 No.63329581 >>63329573 (OP) # >to be quite honest 7 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)01:12:35 No.63329606 >>63329573 (OP) # >WOAAH, thank you for the gold kind stranger!!11! Never expected this to blow up the way it did!1! 11 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)01:21:24 No.63329658 >>63329573 (OP) # >just not my cup of tea 57 KB PNG
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)01:08:45 No.63329573 >now that the dust has settled 152 KB PNG 3 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)01:09:49 No.63329581 >>63329573 (OP) # >to be quite honest 7 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)01:12:35 No.63329606 >>63329573 (OP) # >WOAAH, thank you for the gold kind stranger!!11! Never expected this to blow up the way it did!1! 11 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)01:21:24 No.63329658 >>63329573 (OP) # >just not my cup of tea 57 KB PNG

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Anon is a silly goose | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)14:09:04 No.852943805 >Barges into any discussion or arguement >"The Jews did it" >Refuses to provide any further elaboration >Leaves 127 KB PNG
: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)14:09:04 No.852943805 >Barges into any discussion or arguement >"The Jews did it" >Refuses to provide any further elaboration >Leaves 127 KB PNG

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Never never land | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)20:25:31 No.63401707 >first time >went really well >girl asks how I know to do what I did >mfw it was sex tips I got on reddit 7 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)20:25:31 No.63401707 >first time >went really well >girl asks how I know to do what I did >mfw it was sex tips I got on reddit 7 KB JPG

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We will teach you well grasshopper | /r/Greentext


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