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Anon has his 18th birthday | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/15/15(Wed)22:26:34 No.628235434 > >>628236559 >be me >having 18th birthday at home >pretty chill time with friends >brother asks if me I want to see his Minecraft world >tell him to go away >see he's hurt >feel guilty and say l'll check it out later >never check it >a few months later, brother gets leukemia >pray he gets better >he doesn't >brother dies >feels like s--- >turn 21 >packing stuff up for college >notice brother's old laptop >for some reason, remembers broken promise >charge up computer >boot up Minecraft >see world named "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANON!!!!!" >load up world >beginning to tear up at this point >world loads >look around and see cake everywhere >giant pixel cake in front of me >balloons across the sky >turn around and see "HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY" built with blocks >under b-day message is a sign >sign says "happy birthday anon. You're the best brother ever. :DDD" >f------ cry for hours
Anonymous 07/15/15(Wed)22:26:34 No.628235434 > >>628236559 >be me >having 18th birthday at home >pretty chill time with friends >brother asks if me I want to see his Minecraft world >tell him to go away >see he's hurt >feel guilty and say l'll check it out later >never check it >a few months later, brother gets leukemia >pray he gets better >he doesn't >brother dies >feels like s--- >turn 21 >packing stuff up for college >notice brother's old laptop >for some reason, remembers broken promise >charge up computer >boot up Minecraft >see world named "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANON!!!!!" >load up world >beginning to tear up at this point >world loads >look around and see cake everywhere >giant pixel cake in front of me >balloons across the sky >turn around and see "HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY" built with blocks >under b-day message is a sign >sign says "happy birthday anon. You're the best brother ever. :DDD" >f------ cry for hours

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Anon works as IT support | /r/Greentext

Tech support horror thread? Tech support horror thread. Share your stories. >be me >work at mid-sized software company >IT support >some new guy gets a job as a programmer >claims he has worked at very big projects before >can't name them >fast forward 2 weeks >calls me and claims his computer is crashing every few minutes >walk up to his desk and watch him work until it crashes again >have leenux on a stick with me at all times >boot it up >ask him if he's been visiting any kind of not-so-legit websites >"No man, I'm clean" >gets sweaty and nervous once I browse trough the personal files >Downloads folder has multiple zip's with cryptic names inside them >"I dunno man, they were always there" >one of them is 163GB big >opening it takes almost 10 minutes >tons of folders with russian names >all of them are filled with videos of sheeps being shaved for whatever reason
Tech support horror thread? Tech support horror thread. Share your stories. >be me >work at mid-sized software company >IT support >some new guy gets a job as a programmer >claims he has worked at very big projects before >can't name them >fast forward 2 weeks >calls me and claims his computer is crashing every few minutes >walk up to his desk and watch him work until it crashes again >have leenux on a stick with me at all times >boot it up >ask him if he's been visiting any kind of not-so-legit websites >"No man, I'm clean" >gets sweaty and nervous once I browse trough the personal files >Downloads folder has multiple zip's with cryptic names inside them >"I dunno man, they were always there" >one of them is 163GB big >opening it takes almost 10 minutes >tons of folders with russian names >all of them are filled with videos of sheeps being shaved for whatever reason

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anon's gf farts | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)17:45:57 No.852716122 ► >>852716346 >>852713214 >be me >taking a nap with my gf >spoon.jpg >I wake up cuz feel my phone vibrating on my leg >maybe a emergency >move my hand to my pocket >there's no pocket >no phone >no pants >both naked >phone was on the night table >then the smell >she farted hard enough to wake me up >start laughing my ass off >gf wake up >what's going on?" >tell her the whole story >her face turned red >"im sorry, i'm sorry I'm sorry" >she ended laughing with me That s--- happens, anon. They are humans just like us.
Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)17:45:57 No.852716122 ► >>852716346 >>852713214 >be me >taking a nap with my gf >spoon.jpg >I wake up cuz feel my phone vibrating on my leg >maybe a emergency >move my hand to my pocket >there's no pocket >no phone >no pants >both naked >phone was on the night table >then the smell >she farted hard enough to wake me up >start laughing my ass off >gf wake up >what's going on?" >tell her the whole story >her face turned red >"im sorry, i'm sorry I'm sorry" >she ended laughing with me That s--- happens, anon. They are humans just like us.

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Anon tells a sad story | /r/Greentext

File: 1333375933.jpg-(11 KB, 294x295, sosadman.jpg) O Anonymous 04/02/12(Mon)10:12 No. 134644804 My dad died the other week. I got a vidya story about him for you guys. >Parents split up at early age >Didn't see dad very much >Every time I went there he always bought me a game >Always ended up buying REALLY awesome games (even some more obscure stuff) >He always said it was luck and that he wasn't into video games >Oh well >This goes on for years >He eventually stops buying games for me since I bought them myself >Dad died >Went to his place to clean up >Open his wardrobe >It was filled with TONS of video game magazines >Check through some of them for nostalgia >He had circled games that seemed cooled and left notes like "anon said he wanted an action game" >Other notes like "work extra buy both?" >My f------ face when I found out he had spent hours reading about something that he doesn't care about because he cared about me >> O Bernkastel !!8eF6CGNIpsC 04/02/12(Mon)10:13 No. 134644878 >>134644804 i'm sorry, man. wow. that's... just wow. * O Anonymous 04/02/12(Mon)10:15 No. 134644981 your dad sounded like a bro rip in piece >> O Anonymous 04/02/12(Mon)10:16 No.134645053 Ah, man. I'm sorry.
File: 1333375933.jpg-(11 KB, 294x295, sosadman.jpg) O Anonymous 04/02/12(Mon)10:12 No. 134644804 My dad died the other week. I got a vidya story about him for you guys. >Parents split up at early age >Didn't see dad very much >Every time I went there he always bought me a game >Always ended up buying REALLY awesome games (even some more obscure stuff) >He always said it was luck and that he wasn't into video games >Oh well >This goes on for years >He eventually stops buying games for me since I bought them myself >Dad died >Went to his place to clean up >Open his wardrobe >It was filled with TONS of video game magazines >Check through some of them for nostalgia >He had circled games that seemed cooled and left notes like "anon said he wanted an action game" >Other notes like "work extra buy both?" >My f------ face when I found out he had spent hours reading about something that he doesn't care about because he cared about me >> O Bernkastel !!8eF6CGNIpsC 04/02/12(Mon)10:13 No. 134644878 >>134644804 i'm sorry, man. wow. that's... just wow. * O Anonymous 04/02/12(Mon)10:15 No. 134644981 your dad sounded like a bro rip in piece >> O Anonymous 04/02/12(Mon)10:16 No.134645053 Ah, man. I'm sorry.

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Anon is a rapist | /r/Greentext

> In college, walking down a pathway > see a table with what looks like model penises on it 15 KB JPG > Decide to investigate > They are model penises > girl at the table asks me if I know how to use a condom and I say yes > She asks me to prove it by putting one on a model >I do, and she says I did it wrong because I didn't ask the model for consent > I'm a r-----
> In college, walking down a pathway > see a table with what looks like model penises on it 15 KB JPG > Decide to investigate > They are model penises > girl at the table asks me if I know how to use a condom and I say yes > She asks me to prove it by putting one on a model >I do, and she says I did it wrong because I didn't ask the model for consent > I'm a r-----

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Anon got dumped | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous !!+mjfJQ4IljD 04/22/21(Thu)21:53:41 No.63335714 >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >l break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me 133 KB PNG >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now Did I do the right thing anon ?
: Anonymous !!+mjfJQ4IljD 04/22/21(Thu)21:53:41 No.63335714 >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >l break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me 133 KB PNG >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now Did I do the right thing anon ?

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Despicable Me 21 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)21:13:33 No.149822348 >21 seasons in >main character still has no girlfriend, motivation, or interests besides video games >stays in his room all day shitposting on a basket weaving 126 KB JPG forum What the f--- were the directors thinking?
: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)21:13:33 No.149822348 >21 seasons in >main character still has no girlfriend, motivation, or interests besides video games >stays in his room all day shitposting on a basket weaving 126 KB JPG forum What the f--- were the directors thinking?

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Anon eats beans to make the pain go away | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:29:22 No.63333939 >be me >Retarded ex-druggy >Have covid >Not fat but not healthy >Feellikesnakeshit.wymca >Playing dark souls 2 with friend >Drinking monster zero like the 17 KB JPG boomer I am >l solo beat the last boss Like total chad! >Jump out of sweat covered gammer chair and make retarded victory screech! The world shall witness my autism!! >All of a sudden my left arm fells numb >The room starts to spin and I feel a sharp pain in my chest. >Try to eat beans to make the pain go away. >Does not help >Everything goes blank >Wake up to roommate shoving on my chest... Cpr.exs >Go to hospital >Mfw I gave myself a heart attack at the age of 25. >Mfw I will most likely not live to 60
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:29:22 No.63333939 >be me >Retarded ex-druggy >Have covid >Not fat but not healthy >Feellikesnakeshit.wymca >Playing dark souls 2 with friend >Drinking monster zero like the 17 KB JPG boomer I am >l solo beat the last boss Like total chad! >Jump out of sweat covered gammer chair and make retarded victory screech! The world shall witness my autism!! >All of a sudden my left arm fells numb >The room starts to spin and I feel a sharp pain in my chest. >Try to eat beans to make the pain go away. >Does not help >Everything goes blank >Wake up to roommate shoving on my chest... Cpr.exs >Go to hospital >Mfw I gave myself a heart attack at the age of 25. >Mfw I will most likely not live to 60

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Anon is ready for the day | /r/Greentext

>sleep on hardwood floor with no pillow >alarm goes off at 1am >immediately kip up into a standing position and scream LETS GET IT 50 KB JPG >shower with liquid nitrogen >shave with a large hunting knife >for breakfast, 6 egg shells and 4 banana peels >waterboard myself to build pain tolerance >decide to go easy today, do 5000 push ups and 2000 pull ups >ready for the day at 2am
>sleep on hardwood floor with no pillow >alarm goes off at 1am >immediately kip up into a standing position and scream LETS GET IT 50 KB JPG >shower with liquid nitrogen >shave with a large hunting knife >for breakfast, 6 egg shells and 4 banana peels >waterboard myself to build pain tolerance >decide to go easy today, do 5000 push ups and 2000 pull ups >ready for the day at 2am

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Anon takes a nap | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:29:37 No.63333941 >gets up for online school >notices that class is pretty easy going so far >starts to fall asleep in my chair >l slowly start to wake up from what feels like 30 minutes of sleep >When I wake up, professor announces that there's a live pop quiz up rn >mfw I wake up at the right f------ time or else I would've gotten a 0% on that pop quiz 340 KB PNG Life is good, also just recently got a letter from my college saying I just got on the honor roll. Stay well today and be productive. Thanks man 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:31:10 No.63333959 Kys no one cares buddy-o pal
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:29:37 No.63333941 >gets up for online school >notices that class is pretty easy going so far >starts to fall asleep in my chair >l slowly start to wake up from what feels like 30 minutes of sleep >When I wake up, professor announces that there's a live pop quiz up rn >mfw I wake up at the right f------ time or else I would've gotten a 0% on that pop quiz 340 KB PNG Life is good, also just recently got a letter from my college saying I just got on the honor roll. Stay well today and be productive. Thanks man 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:31:10 No.63333959 Kys no one cares buddy-o pal

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poor anon :( | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/25/18(Sun)01:18:21 No.49471737 >moaned while the nice haircut lady washed my hair 8 KB JPG 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 11/25/18(Sun)01:18:21 No.49471737 >moaned while the nice haircut lady washed my hair 8 KB JPG 2 Replies View Thread

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Anon is trans person | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 No.52625171 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily 21 KB PNG >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come : Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male >>52625279 # >>52625320 # >>52625346 # >>52625362 #
: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 No.52625171 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily 21 KB PNG >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come : Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male >>52625279 # >>52625320 # >>52625346 # >>52625362 #

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Anon recites a poem | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous B 04/21/21(Wed)09:36:35 No.63312532 > Be me, third grade > Teacher makes us memorize poem for black history month >Martin Luther King had a dream yes he did. He dreamed we'd live together having love for one another and his dream is still alive 270 KB PNG through you and me >Teacher makes us recite it one by one in front of a camera >She's gonna splice all the footage together so she can have a different student say each line or some s--- >My turn to recite the poem >Panic attack, not good at public speaking >"Martin Luther King had a Junior" >Entire class laughs at me >Word gets around, whole grade calls me Junior for the rest of the year To this day can't hear MLK's name without remembering that incident. F--- you MLK, you made the end of third grade hell for me.
: Anonymous B 04/21/21(Wed)09:36:35 No.63312532 > Be me, third grade > Teacher makes us memorize poem for black history month >Martin Luther King had a dream yes he did. He dreamed we'd live together having love for one another and his dream is still alive 270 KB PNG through you and me >Teacher makes us recite it one by one in front of a camera >She's gonna splice all the footage together so she can have a different student say each line or some s--- >My turn to recite the poem >Panic attack, not good at public speaking >"Martin Luther King had a Junior" >Entire class laughs at me >Word gets around, whole grade calls me Junior for the rest of the year To this day can't hear MLK's name without remembering that incident. F--- you MLK, you made the end of third grade hell for me.

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An incel in the making | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/19/18(Fri)22:08:37 No.757422856 > be me > In High School, Sophomore year > New girl in Chemistry seems cute and nice > I introduce myself "Hi, my name is Anon, nice to meet you" 55 KB JPG Her: “hey. My name is Ashley (name changed for privacy)" > Teacher gives us group work for class > Decide to invite her and two of my buddies for a group > F------ Chad friend comes over "Oh, did I mention I'm a model?" > Ashley and Chad friend start talking a lot > She only talked to me once only because she probably felt bad for me What the f---. I just want to find a girlfriend or at the very least a friend that will actually like me. Why does nothing go my way?
: Anonymous 01/19/18(Fri)22:08:37 No.757422856 > be me > In High School, Sophomore year > New girl in Chemistry seems cute and nice > I introduce myself "Hi, my name is Anon, nice to meet you" 55 KB JPG Her: “hey. My name is Ashley (name changed for privacy)" > Teacher gives us group work for class > Decide to invite her and two of my buddies for a group > F------ Chad friend comes over "Oh, did I mention I'm a model?" > Ashley and Chad friend start talking a lot > She only talked to me once only because she probably felt bad for me What the f---. I just want to find a girlfriend or at the very least a friend that will actually like me. Why does nothing go my way?

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Anon is selfish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)21:15:57 No.63310553 >aunts mother died >for some reason im invited to the funeral even tho ive never seen her >after the funeral we all eat in a restaurant >i am asked to contribute to the 751 KB JPG conversation >l just say "uhm, well, sucks that she didnt die 10 years ago, my cousins would have visited me and my grandparents lot more often" >nobody laughs >not even that one edgy uncle or my cousins >aunt tells me I am no longer welcome here >dad has to drive me home, tells me I am a shame to my family
: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)21:15:57 No.63310553 >aunts mother died >for some reason im invited to the funeral even tho ive never seen her >after the funeral we all eat in a restaurant >i am asked to contribute to the 751 KB JPG conversation >l just say "uhm, well, sucks that she didnt die 10 years ago, my cousins would have visited me and my grandparents lot more often" >nobody laughs >not even that one edgy uncle or my cousins >aunt tells me I am no longer welcome here >dad has to drive me home, tells me I am a shame to my family

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Anon gets reincarnated | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)01:31:56 No.852670626 >be me >get reincarnated >ask the doctor where I am >" nous sommes à Paris, monsieur" >mfw 48 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)01:31:56 No.852670626 >be me >get reincarnated >ask the doctor where I am >" nous sommes à Paris, monsieur" >mfw 48 KB JPG

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Anon microwaves a burrito | /r/Greentext

[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [ Auto] File: 28979B58-0351-4F6B-8552-3(...).png (26 KB, 300x250) Anonymous 05/11/20(Mon)16:17:03 No.11660956 ► >>11660968 >>11661122 >>11661197 >>11662861 >>11664495 >>11664889 >Microwave burrito instructions say 45-60 seconds per side Technically doesn't a frozen burrito have an infinite amount of sides Anonymous 05/11/20(Mon)16:17:43 No.11660959 Better get to microwaving then, kid.
[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [ Auto] File: 28979B58-0351-4F6B-8552-3(...).png (26 KB, 300x250) Anonymous 05/11/20(Mon)16:17:03 No.11660956 ► >>11660968 >>11661122 >>11661197 >>11662861 >>11664495 >>11664889 >Microwave burrito instructions say 45-60 seconds per side Technically doesn't a frozen burrito have an infinite amount of sides Anonymous 05/11/20(Mon)16:17:43 No.11660959 Better get to microwaving then, kid.

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No dick for anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)22:06:48 No.852655185 >be last night >horny >beating meat to gangbang vid >watching this girl suck a bunch of guys off >never sucked a duck before but 16 KB JPG curious >go on Tinder >go to sex preference >f-- mode initiated >19 yo twink matches with me the first few swipes >we exchange pictures of our d---- over snap >ask to suck his d--- >agrees >he's coming over the next day >fast forward to today >tell him l'm still down for our f----- plans >asks if I want to join his cult >wut.mov >"f--- are you talking about a cult for" >"yes join our cult" followed by "why have you ignored my associates" >Exit the chat and I have 7 new matches all with the same message "please we would like you to join our cult" >FUCKNO >block all accounts and report to Tinder police That was a close one. Glad I hadn't given my address. No d---- for me tonight though
: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)22:06:48 No.852655185 >be last night >horny >beating meat to gangbang vid >watching this girl suck a bunch of guys off >never sucked a duck before but 16 KB JPG curious >go on Tinder >go to sex preference >f-- mode initiated >19 yo twink matches with me the first few swipes >we exchange pictures of our d---- over snap >ask to suck his d--- >agrees >he's coming over the next day >fast forward to today >tell him l'm still down for our f----- plans >asks if I want to join his cult >wut.mov >"f--- are you talking about a cult for" >"yes join our cult" followed by "why have you ignored my associates" >Exit the chat and I have 7 new matches all with the same message "please we would like you to join our cult" >FUCKNO >block all accounts and report to Tinder police That was a close one. Glad I hadn't given my address. No d---- for me tonight though

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Anon gets revenge | /r/Greentext

File: 1568373644855.gif (358 KB, 500x357) U Anonymous 09/14/19(Sat)15:58:03 No.54403284 ► >>54403371 >>54403385 >>54403424 > Live with mom for a year. > She lives in a trashy neighborhood where every single house has a dog that is left outside both day and night. > Every single dog on every house barks at me when I pass by jogging in the afternoons. >I complain to a neighbor about it, he says that if I don't like it then I should start running somewhere else. > idea-dot-jpg > Shift my morning routine to 5 in the morning. > Choose a long route that covers as many houses with dogs as possible. > Run through the neighborhood with every single dog barking fiercely at me at 5 in the morning. > By the time I get home at 05:55 I can still hear every dog in the neighborhood barking and howling at eachother. > Same neighbor complains about it. > I tell him "If you don't like it, you should start waking up at 5 in the morning". > Do this every day. Get f-----, you negligent normies.
File: 1568373644855.gif (358 KB, 500x357) U Anonymous 09/14/19(Sat)15:58:03 No.54403284 ► >>54403371 >>54403385 >>54403424 > Live with mom for a year. > She lives in a trashy neighborhood where every single house has a dog that is left outside both day and night. > Every single dog on every house barks at me when I pass by jogging in the afternoons. >I complain to a neighbor about it, he says that if I don't like it then I should start running somewhere else. > idea-dot-jpg > Shift my morning routine to 5 in the morning. > Choose a long route that covers as many houses with dogs as possible. > Run through the neighborhood with every single dog barking fiercely at me at 5 in the morning. > By the time I get home at 05:55 I can still hear every dog in the neighborhood barking and howling at eachother. > Same neighbor complains about it. > I tell him "If you don't like it, you should start waking up at 5 in the morning". > Do this every day. Get f-----, you negligent normies.

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Anon is a liar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/19(Sun)22:56:22 No.791764886 > be me > actually have a really good life, get girls, etc > get sad every once in a while > go on 4chan and thank God I'm not like any of you degenerates > thx guys 3 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/03/19(Sun)22:56:22 No.791764886 > be me > actually have a really good life, get girls, etc > get sad every once in a while > go on 4chan and thank God I'm not like any of you degenerates > thx guys 3 KB JPG

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