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Anon knows how to work the system | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/11/17(Wed)19:10:48 No.747819050 >be me >bored and sad >make a depressing but true greentext >screenshot >post to reddit >instant karma 70 KB JPG >haha yes
: Anonymous 10/11/17(Wed)19:10:48 No.747819050 >be me >bored and sad >make a depressing but true greentext >screenshot >post to reddit >instant karma 70 KB JPG >haha yes

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Anon likes anime | /r/Greentext

File: mrelectric.png (296 KB, 494x485) O Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:14:13 No.852717784 >Finally get into anime >Get a figure from Ebay >No weeb s---, just Goku >Playing video games after finishing online classes >Dad walks into room and sees the figure >"Hey, what's this from?" >"Oh, that's just Goku from Dragon Ball Z." >"Is that an anime?" >"Yes." >"Isn't anime for pedophiles?" >Dad leaves the room *visihle disaust*
File: mrelectric.png (296 KB, 494x485) O Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:14:13 No.852717784 >Finally get into anime >Get a figure from Ebay >No weeb s---, just Goku >Playing video games after finishing online classes >Dad walks into room and sees the figure >"Hey, what's this from?" >"Oh, that's just Goku from Dragon Ball Z." >"Is that an anime?" >"Yes." >"Isn't anime for pedophiles?" >Dad leaves the room *visihle disaust*

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Anon is worthless | /r/Greentext

12/25/20(Fri)18:23:25 No.61544957 onymous ot Christmas >extended family is getting together for the holidays >grandma asks me to "make" a premade salad >mix salad and dressing together >grandma brings whole family together to announce I made the salad 44 KB JPG >whole family unironically claps and tells me good job >mfw I'm such a worthless pos that me mixing salad and dressing in a bowl is worthy of praise
12/25/20(Fri)18:23:25 No.61544957 onymous ot Christmas >extended family is getting together for the holidays >grandma asks me to "make" a premade salad >mix salad and dressing together >grandma brings whole family together to announce I made the salad 44 KB JPG >whole family unironically claps and tells me good job >mfw I'm such a worthless pos that me mixing salad and dressing in a bowl is worthy of praise

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Anon listened to music | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)09:19:45 No.852672830 >be me >Be audiophile >Spend 5 hours trying to find new song in lossless format >Can't buy since out 100 000 on equipment >finally find song >lt is .exe file but whatever >Spend next 5 hours tuning my setup for R&B 9 KB JPG >Finally listen to song >Hear that the power company turbine is slightly off it's magnetic field >Makes slight hiss in my headphones >Instantly s--- and throw up over myself >Be safe out there fellow audiophiles
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)09:19:45 No.852672830 >be me >Be audiophile >Spend 5 hours trying to find new song in lossless format >Can't buy since out 100 000 on equipment >finally find song >lt is .exe file but whatever >Spend next 5 hours tuning my setup for R&B 9 KB JPG >Finally listen to song >Hear that the power company turbine is slightly off it's magnetic field >Makes slight hiss in my headphones >Instantly s--- and throw up over myself >Be safe out there fellow audiophiles

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Anon uses reddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/20(Sun)13:16:03 No.57171994 >go on reddit >make comment about something I think I'm right about >get proven wrong >admit thatI was wrong and thank person who provided a 231 KB PNG source >get downvoted anyway >this f------ site
: Anonymous 03/15/20(Sun)13:16:03 No.57171994 >go on reddit >make comment about something I think I'm right about >get proven wrong >admit thatI was wrong and thank person who provided a 231 KB PNG source >get downvoted anyway >this f------ site

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Anon is a pirate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Hamilton 05/16/18(Wed)14:28:36 No.45447213 >trying to pirate hamilton >Wait few hours to download >Finally finishes >lts just 3 hours of p--- >J------- Really I feel like I won in this 357 KB JPG situation View Thread
: Anonymous Hamilton 05/16/18(Wed)14:28:36 No.45447213 >trying to pirate hamilton >Wait few hours to download >Finally finishes >lts just 3 hours of p--- >J------- Really I feel like I won in this 357 KB JPG situation View Thread

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Anon is a true gentleman. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)11:58:35 No.849733154 >be me >a good boy >eating tendies >a wendys worker cutie girl delivers my dewy >mom tells me to thank her 24 KB JPG >this girl is waifu material >thank you m'lady >she starts yelling that she does not identify as a lady and that her pronouns are them/they >sorry, m'theydy >they gift me a box of tendies >life is good
: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)11:58:35 No.849733154 >be me >a good boy >eating tendies >a wendys worker cutie girl delivers my dewy >mom tells me to thank her 24 KB JPG >this girl is waifu material >thank you m'lady >she starts yelling that she does not identify as a lady and that her pronouns are them/they >sorry, m'theydy >they gift me a box of tendies >life is good

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Anon confesses to his crush | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:58:35 No.852724156 >be me, 19 >friends with this one girl >she is a 9/10 for sure >we're hanging out one day and get on the topic of crushes >"Anon, who do you have a crush on?" >refuse to give and answer and ask her 36 KB JPG who she has a crush on >she doesn't wanna answer >jackpot. >get idea to write down our crush's name on a paper and both open it at the same time >write her name down with my best handwriting >we both open it at the same time >mfw it says Chad, guy in her class >mfw her face turns to disgust when she reads what i wrote heard chad banged her brains out a week later, how did bad handwriting ruin your chances at love /b/?
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:58:35 No.852724156 >be me, 19 >friends with this one girl >she is a 9/10 for sure >we're hanging out one day and get on the topic of crushes >"Anon, who do you have a crush on?" >refuse to give and answer and ask her 36 KB JPG who she has a crush on >she doesn't wanna answer >jackpot. >get idea to write down our crush's name on a paper and both open it at the same time >write her name down with my best handwriting >we both open it at the same time >mfw it says Chad, guy in her class >mfw her face turns to disgust when she reads what i wrote heard chad banged her brains out a week later, how did bad handwriting ruin your chances at love /b/?

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Anon helps a stranger in need | /r/Greentext

#1, No. 23936485 4 hours ago JPG 1200x675 46.2 kB >driving through Nevada on my way to Vegas >late at night >see some kid trying to flag down a car, looks heavily distressed >14 years old tops >pull over and ask him what's wrong >his friends took him with them into the desert, said he left because they started smoking "weird s---" that apparently wasn't weed >they left his ass in the desert for being a non-meth smoking p---- >said his phone is dead and he can't call his parents that live in Beatty >check phone, no service >it's about 20 miles and in my direction, I tell him to hop in the bed of the truck and keep his head low and l'll give him a ride >get to beatty, after some light back and forth I drop him off at gas station near where he lives >he thanks me and starts sprinting away >fill with gas, feel good about myself >get to Vegas, start unloading my luggage in my dad's garage >notice a smell >the kid took a s--- in the bed of my truck I f------ hate kids and hate people. 7 replies
#1, No. 23936485 4 hours ago JPG 1200x675 46.2 kB >driving through Nevada on my way to Vegas >late at night >see some kid trying to flag down a car, looks heavily distressed >14 years old tops >pull over and ask him what's wrong >his friends took him with them into the desert, said he left because they started smoking "weird s---" that apparently wasn't weed >they left his ass in the desert for being a non-meth smoking p---- >said his phone is dead and he can't call his parents that live in Beatty >check phone, no service >it's about 20 miles and in my direction, I tell him to hop in the bed of the truck and keep his head low and l'll give him a ride >get to beatty, after some light back and forth I drop him off at gas station near where he lives >he thanks me and starts sprinting away >fill with gas, feel good about myself >get to Vegas, start unloading my luggage in my dad's garage >notice a smell >the kid took a s--- in the bed of my truck I f------ hate kids and hate people. 7 replies

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Anon has his 18th birthday | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/15/15(Wed)22:26:34 No.628235434 > >>628236559 >be me >having 18th birthday at home >pretty chill time with friends >brother asks if me I want to see his Minecraft world >tell him to go away >see he's hurt >feel guilty and say l'll check it out later >never check it >a few months later, brother gets leukemia >pray he gets better >he doesn't >brother dies >feels like s--- >turn 21 >packing stuff up for college >notice brother's old laptop >for some reason, remembers broken promise >charge up computer >boot up Minecraft >see world named "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANON!!!!!" >load up world >beginning to tear up at this point >world loads >look around and see cake everywhere >giant pixel cake in front of me >balloons across the sky >turn around and see "HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY" built with blocks >under b-day message is a sign >sign says "happy birthday anon. You're the best brother ever. :DDD" >f------ cry for hours
Anonymous 07/15/15(Wed)22:26:34 No.628235434 > >>628236559 >be me >having 18th birthday at home >pretty chill time with friends >brother asks if me I want to see his Minecraft world >tell him to go away >see he's hurt >feel guilty and say l'll check it out later >never check it >a few months later, brother gets leukemia >pray he gets better >he doesn't >brother dies >feels like s--- >turn 21 >packing stuff up for college >notice brother's old laptop >for some reason, remembers broken promise >charge up computer >boot up Minecraft >see world named "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANON!!!!!" >load up world >beginning to tear up at this point >world loads >look around and see cake everywhere >giant pixel cake in front of me >balloons across the sky >turn around and see "HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY" built with blocks >under b-day message is a sign >sign says "happy birthday anon. You're the best brother ever. :DDD" >f------ cry for hours

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Anon works as IT support | /r/Greentext

Tech support horror thread? Tech support horror thread. Share your stories. >be me >work at mid-sized software company >IT support >some new guy gets a job as a programmer >claims he has worked at very big projects before >can't name them >fast forward 2 weeks >calls me and claims his computer is crashing every few minutes >walk up to his desk and watch him work until it crashes again >have leenux on a stick with me at all times >boot it up >ask him if he's been visiting any kind of not-so-legit websites >"No man, I'm clean" >gets sweaty and nervous once I browse trough the personal files >Downloads folder has multiple zip's with cryptic names inside them >"I dunno man, they were always there" >one of them is 163GB big >opening it takes almost 10 minutes >tons of folders with russian names >all of them are filled with videos of sheeps being shaved for whatever reason
Tech support horror thread? Tech support horror thread. Share your stories. >be me >work at mid-sized software company >IT support >some new guy gets a job as a programmer >claims he has worked at very big projects before >can't name them >fast forward 2 weeks >calls me and claims his computer is crashing every few minutes >walk up to his desk and watch him work until it crashes again >have leenux on a stick with me at all times >boot it up >ask him if he's been visiting any kind of not-so-legit websites >"No man, I'm clean" >gets sweaty and nervous once I browse trough the personal files >Downloads folder has multiple zip's with cryptic names inside them >"I dunno man, they were always there" >one of them is 163GB big >opening it takes almost 10 minutes >tons of folders with russian names >all of them are filled with videos of sheeps being shaved for whatever reason

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anon's gf farts | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)17:45:57 No.852716122 ► >>852716346 >>852713214 >be me >taking a nap with my gf >spoon.jpg >I wake up cuz feel my phone vibrating on my leg >maybe a emergency >move my hand to my pocket >there's no pocket >no phone >no pants >both naked >phone was on the night table >then the smell >she farted hard enough to wake me up >start laughing my ass off >gf wake up >what's going on?" >tell her the whole story >her face turned red >"im sorry, i'm sorry I'm sorry" >she ended laughing with me That s--- happens, anon. They are humans just like us.
Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)17:45:57 No.852716122 ► >>852716346 >>852713214 >be me >taking a nap with my gf >spoon.jpg >I wake up cuz feel my phone vibrating on my leg >maybe a emergency >move my hand to my pocket >there's no pocket >no phone >no pants >both naked >phone was on the night table >then the smell >she farted hard enough to wake me up >start laughing my ass off >gf wake up >what's going on?" >tell her the whole story >her face turned red >"im sorry, i'm sorry I'm sorry" >she ended laughing with me That s--- happens, anon. They are humans just like us.

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Anon tells a sad story | /r/Greentext

File: 1333375933.jpg-(11 KB, 294x295, sosadman.jpg) O Anonymous 04/02/12(Mon)10:12 No. 134644804 My dad died the other week. I got a vidya story about him for you guys. >Parents split up at early age >Didn't see dad very much >Every time I went there he always bought me a game >Always ended up buying REALLY awesome games (even some more obscure stuff) >He always said it was luck and that he wasn't into video games >Oh well >This goes on for years >He eventually stops buying games for me since I bought them myself >Dad died >Went to his place to clean up >Open his wardrobe >It was filled with TONS of video game magazines >Check through some of them for nostalgia >He had circled games that seemed cooled and left notes like "anon said he wanted an action game" >Other notes like "work extra buy both?" >My f------ face when I found out he had spent hours reading about something that he doesn't care about because he cared about me >> O Bernkastel !!8eF6CGNIpsC 04/02/12(Mon)10:13 No. 134644878 >>134644804 i'm sorry, man. wow. that's... just wow. * O Anonymous 04/02/12(Mon)10:15 No. 134644981 your dad sounded like a bro rip in piece >> O Anonymous 04/02/12(Mon)10:16 No.134645053 Ah, man. I'm sorry.
File: 1333375933.jpg-(11 KB, 294x295, sosadman.jpg) O Anonymous 04/02/12(Mon)10:12 No. 134644804 My dad died the other week. I got a vidya story about him for you guys. >Parents split up at early age >Didn't see dad very much >Every time I went there he always bought me a game >Always ended up buying REALLY awesome games (even some more obscure stuff) >He always said it was luck and that he wasn't into video games >Oh well >This goes on for years >He eventually stops buying games for me since I bought them myself >Dad died >Went to his place to clean up >Open his wardrobe >It was filled with TONS of video game magazines >Check through some of them for nostalgia >He had circled games that seemed cooled and left notes like "anon said he wanted an action game" >Other notes like "work extra buy both?" >My f------ face when I found out he had spent hours reading about something that he doesn't care about because he cared about me >> O Bernkastel !!8eF6CGNIpsC 04/02/12(Mon)10:13 No. 134644878 >>134644804 i'm sorry, man. wow. that's... just wow. * O Anonymous 04/02/12(Mon)10:15 No. 134644981 your dad sounded like a bro rip in piece >> O Anonymous 04/02/12(Mon)10:16 No.134645053 Ah, man. I'm sorry.

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Anon is a rapist | /r/Greentext

> In college, walking down a pathway > see a table with what looks like model penises on it 15 KB JPG > Decide to investigate > They are model penises > girl at the table asks me if I know how to use a condom and I say yes > She asks me to prove it by putting one on a model >I do, and she says I did it wrong because I didn't ask the model for consent > I'm a r-----
> In college, walking down a pathway > see a table with what looks like model penises on it 15 KB JPG > Decide to investigate > They are model penises > girl at the table asks me if I know how to use a condom and I say yes > She asks me to prove it by putting one on a model >I do, and she says I did it wrong because I didn't ask the model for consent > I'm a r-----

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Anon got dumped | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous !!+mjfJQ4IljD 04/22/21(Thu)21:53:41 No.63335714 >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >l break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me 133 KB PNG >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now Did I do the right thing anon ?
: Anonymous !!+mjfJQ4IljD 04/22/21(Thu)21:53:41 No.63335714 >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >l break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me 133 KB PNG >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now Did I do the right thing anon ?

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Despicable Me 21 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)21:13:33 No.149822348 >21 seasons in >main character still has no girlfriend, motivation, or interests besides video games >stays in his room all day shitposting on a basket weaving 126 KB JPG forum What the f--- were the directors thinking?
: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)21:13:33 No.149822348 >21 seasons in >main character still has no girlfriend, motivation, or interests besides video games >stays in his room all day shitposting on a basket weaving 126 KB JPG forum What the f--- were the directors thinking?

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Anon eats beans to make the pain go away | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:29:22 No.63333939 >be me >Retarded ex-druggy >Have covid >Not fat but not healthy >Feellikesnakeshit.wymca >Playing dark souls 2 with friend >Drinking monster zero like the 17 KB JPG boomer I am >l solo beat the last boss Like total chad! >Jump out of sweat covered gammer chair and make retarded victory screech! The world shall witness my autism!! >All of a sudden my left arm fells numb >The room starts to spin and I feel a sharp pain in my chest. >Try to eat beans to make the pain go away. >Does not help >Everything goes blank >Wake up to roommate shoving on my chest... Cpr.exs >Go to hospital >Mfw I gave myself a heart attack at the age of 25. >Mfw I will most likely not live to 60
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:29:22 No.63333939 >be me >Retarded ex-druggy >Have covid >Not fat but not healthy >Feellikesnakeshit.wymca >Playing dark souls 2 with friend >Drinking monster zero like the 17 KB JPG boomer I am >l solo beat the last boss Like total chad! >Jump out of sweat covered gammer chair and make retarded victory screech! The world shall witness my autism!! >All of a sudden my left arm fells numb >The room starts to spin and I feel a sharp pain in my chest. >Try to eat beans to make the pain go away. >Does not help >Everything goes blank >Wake up to roommate shoving on my chest... Cpr.exs >Go to hospital >Mfw I gave myself a heart attack at the age of 25. >Mfw I will most likely not live to 60

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Anon is ready for the day | /r/Greentext

>sleep on hardwood floor with no pillow >alarm goes off at 1am >immediately kip up into a standing position and scream LETS GET IT 50 KB JPG >shower with liquid nitrogen >shave with a large hunting knife >for breakfast, 6 egg shells and 4 banana peels >waterboard myself to build pain tolerance >decide to go easy today, do 5000 push ups and 2000 pull ups >ready for the day at 2am
>sleep on hardwood floor with no pillow >alarm goes off at 1am >immediately kip up into a standing position and scream LETS GET IT 50 KB JPG >shower with liquid nitrogen >shave with a large hunting knife >for breakfast, 6 egg shells and 4 banana peels >waterboard myself to build pain tolerance >decide to go easy today, do 5000 push ups and 2000 pull ups >ready for the day at 2am

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Anon takes a nap | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:29:37 No.63333941 >gets up for online school >notices that class is pretty easy going so far >starts to fall asleep in my chair >l slowly start to wake up from what feels like 30 minutes of sleep >When I wake up, professor announces that there's a live pop quiz up rn >mfw I wake up at the right f------ time or else I would've gotten a 0% on that pop quiz 340 KB PNG Life is good, also just recently got a letter from my college saying I just got on the honor roll. Stay well today and be productive. Thanks man 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:31:10 No.63333959 Kys no one cares buddy-o pal
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:29:37 No.63333941 >gets up for online school >notices that class is pretty easy going so far >starts to fall asleep in my chair >l slowly start to wake up from what feels like 30 minutes of sleep >When I wake up, professor announces that there's a live pop quiz up rn >mfw I wake up at the right f------ time or else I would've gotten a 0% on that pop quiz 340 KB PNG Life is good, also just recently got a letter from my college saying I just got on the honor roll. Stay well today and be productive. Thanks man 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)18:31:10 No.63333959 Kys no one cares buddy-o pal

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poor anon :( | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/25/18(Sun)01:18:21 No.49471737 >moaned while the nice haircut lady washed my hair 8 KB JPG 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 11/25/18(Sun)01:18:21 No.49471737 >moaned while the nice haircut lady washed my hair 8 KB JPG 2 Replies View Thread

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