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Anon gets a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)19:58:29 No.63304089 >be me, 22 >finally trick a girl into loving me >still can't kick the 10 years of p---/4chan addiction >goes through my phone one day and sees all my sick s--- >feet, sissy, BBC, even pictures of 88 KB JPG her irl friends >sees pictures of my old HS oneitis that I photoshopped so her mouth was open with the face app >dumps me and tells everybody >Girls start blocking me on social media F---! You said things would get better with a girlfriend! GOD DAMNIT. : Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)20:00:27 No.63304111 >>63304089 (OP) # >F---! You said things would get better with a girlfriend! GOD DAMNIT. No I didn't. I said things would get better for ME if I had girlfriend.
: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)19:58:29 No.63304089 >be me, 22 >finally trick a girl into loving me >still can't kick the 10 years of p---/4chan addiction >goes through my phone one day and sees all my sick s--- >feet, sissy, BBC, even pictures of 88 KB JPG her irl friends >sees pictures of my old HS oneitis that I photoshopped so her mouth was open with the face app >dumps me and tells everybody >Girls start blocking me on social media F---! You said things would get better with a girlfriend! GOD DAMNIT. : Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)20:00:27 No.63304111 >>63304089 (OP) # >F---! You said things would get better with a girlfriend! GOD DAMNIT. No I didn't. I said things would get better for ME if I had girlfriend.

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Anon gets surrounded | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: boi8mKM9 ) 04/25/14(Fri)14:11:39 No.543818057 > Be year 2040, women rule the world > Rihanna is their leader > Be stuck in concentration camp for men > Rihanna killing all the dudes because they found a way to reproduce without 83 КВ PNG us > Group of us overpower gaurdesses > Be running > Get surrounded > standoff.PNG > all of a sudden a masked hero appears, with his schlong flapping in the wind > beats up all the women > sets all the dudes free > much wow, many thanks > takes mask off > mfw it was Chris Brown
Anonymous (ID: boi8mKM9 ) 04/25/14(Fri)14:11:39 No.543818057 > Be year 2040, women rule the world > Rihanna is their leader > Be stuck in concentration camp for men > Rihanna killing all the dudes because they found a way to reproduce without 83 КВ PNG us > Group of us overpower gaurdesses > Be running > Get surrounded > standoff.PNG > all of a sudden a masked hero appears, with his schlong flapping in the wind > beats up all the women > sets all the dudes free > much wow, many thanks > takes mask off > mfw it was Chris Brown

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Anon meets his new classmate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)08:36:48 No.63326699 >Good morning, class. Say hello to the new girl. She recently transferred here from Nebraska. Please be nice to her. How do you respond? 798 KB JPG 12 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)08:44:48 No.63326786 open bob now
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)08:36:48 No.63326699 >Good morning, class. Say hello to the new girl. She recently transferred here from Nebraska. Please be nice to her. How do you respond? 798 KB JPG 12 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)08:44:48 No.63326786 open bob now

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Anon Is In The Friendzone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)00:32:03 No.63329347 gnite dude, thank u for ur advice, i really appreciate it and its going to definitely help me tmrw, i hope ur mom has a good wedding and u have fun and stuff. nite bro! OAA377D2-FFCC-4027-95EE-D3BD127FACA1.jpg 88 KB JPG >helping women out only puts you in the friendzone >helping women out only puts you in the friendzone >helping women out only puts you in the friendzone >helping women out only puts you in the friendzone >helping women out only puts you in the friendzone : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)00:34:00 No.63329356 just go after a girl that actually likes you retard
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)00:32:03 No.63329347 gnite dude, thank u for ur advice, i really appreciate it and its going to definitely help me tmrw, i hope ur mom has a good wedding and u have fun and stuff. nite bro! OAA377D2-FFCC-4027-95EE-D3BD127FACA1.jpg 88 KB JPG >helping women out only puts you in the friendzone >helping women out only puts you in the friendzone >helping women out only puts you in the friendzone >helping women out only puts you in the friendzone >helping women out only puts you in the friendzone : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)00:34:00 No.63329356 just go after a girl that actually likes you retard

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Anon has a superpower | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)08:17:32 No.63329254 This is a story about how I found out about my superpower to turn people gay > Be me > Fit, handsome looking > Have a male roommate 18 KB JPG > Go to room after school > Have a bunk bed > Lay down cause tired > Roomie is in the same room > Chill > Suddenly roomie says something > Didn't hear him, ask him to repeat it again > "Hey, Anon. Wouldn't it be cool if I sucked your d---?" > Think he's joking, say yeah and add onto the joke >He climbs down and stares at me > Stare back at him >He touches my pants > W-- > Punch him and tell him to gtfo > He says ok Fast forward to a few months > Meet a guy at some festival > He was impressed by my martial arts skills (I did taekwondo and demonstrated some kicks > Let's call him Niggerfaggot > Show him some more of my kicks > He's impressed and wants me to teach him > Say sure > Exchange numbers > Hang out a few times > He really likes asian culture > I'm asian > Show him anime > After a few weeks he becomes a weeb > Hang out some more > Visit a themepark with him and some friends > We go on a rollercoaster > It's cool > Reach the highpoint > Niggerfaggot literally screams "ANON I LOVE YOU" > Never hang out with him ever again This can't be a coincidence > Think I can use this power to make girls single > Turn people with hot gfs gay > Finally they're all mine > Go up to a 9/10 > Try to talk to her > "sorry, anon. I'm gay." > mfw
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)08:17:32 No.63329254 This is a story about how I found out about my superpower to turn people gay > Be me > Fit, handsome looking > Have a male roommate 18 KB JPG > Go to room after school > Have a bunk bed > Lay down cause tired > Roomie is in the same room > Chill > Suddenly roomie says something > Didn't hear him, ask him to repeat it again > "Hey, Anon. Wouldn't it be cool if I sucked your d---?" > Think he's joking, say yeah and add onto the joke >He climbs down and stares at me > Stare back at him >He touches my pants > W-- > Punch him and tell him to gtfo > He says ok Fast forward to a few months > Meet a guy at some festival > He was impressed by my martial arts skills (I did taekwondo and demonstrated some kicks > Let's call him Niggerfaggot > Show him some more of my kicks > He's impressed and wants me to teach him > Say sure > Exchange numbers > Hang out a few times > He really likes asian culture > I'm asian > Show him anime > After a few weeks he becomes a weeb > Hang out some more > Visit a themepark with him and some friends > We go on a rollercoaster > It's cool > Reach the highpoint > Niggerfaggot literally screams "ANON I LOVE YOU" > Never hang out with him ever again This can't be a coincidence > Think I can use this power to make girls single > Turn people with hot gfs gay > Finally they're all mine > Go up to a 9/10 > Try to talk to her > "sorry, anon. I'm gay." > mfw

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Anon hates redditors | /r/Greentext

>Be me >post real quality greentexts on 4chan everyday >friend is redditfag >one day goes up to me and shows me his post on 260 KB JPG r/4chan > he took my post from 4chan > got 32k upvotes > tell him its mine > doesnt believe me and tells me i have to prove it > cant prove it I know you see this Michael, f--- you
>Be me >post real quality greentexts on 4chan everyday >friend is redditfag >one day goes up to me and shows me his post on 260 KB JPG r/4chan > he took my post from 4chan > got 32k upvotes > tell him its mine > doesnt believe me and tells me i have to prove it > cant prove it I know you see this Michael, f--- you

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Anons son is different | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)04:04:14 No.63329932 >and heres our sons room, you can see hes different from the others 196 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)04:05:33 No.63329945 : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)04:14:57 No.63330006 : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)05:27:57 No.63330507 : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)05:52:39 No.63330666 >>63329932 (OP) # >Oh, good morning, dear sir or madam. Do you have a moment to talk about open source software? 40 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)04:04:14 No.63329932 >and heres our sons room, you can see hes different from the others 196 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)04:05:33 No.63329945 : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)04:14:57 No.63330006 : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)05:27:57 No.63330507 : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)05:52:39 No.63330666 >>63329932 (OP) # >Oh, good morning, dear sir or madam. Do you have a moment to talk about open source software? 40 KB JPG

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Anon is not attractive | /r/Greentext

>at university >accidentally bump into a girl carrying papers >kneel down to help her collect them >our eyes meet >l say something like "hey, its like in the movies" 228 KB PNG >"yeah except in movies the guys attractive"
>at university >accidentally bump into a girl carrying papers >kneel down to help her collect them >our eyes meet >l say something like "hey, its like in the movies" 228 KB PNG >"yeah except in movies the guys attractive"

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Anon has an English lesson | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)09:48:07 No.852674088 >be me >Moved back to Poland >have English lessons even though im more fluent than the teacher >Teacher's going round asking everyone the same question > "What do you hate" > its my turn > Teacher asks "What do you hate [Anon]?" > *dont say it dont say it dont say it dont say it* >i confidently and loudly say "Minorities"
Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)09:48:07 No.852674088 >be me >Moved back to Poland >have English lessons even though im more fluent than the teacher >Teacher's going round asking everyone the same question > "What do you hate" > its my turn > Teacher asks "What do you hate [Anon]?" > *dont say it dont say it dont say it dont say it* >i confidently and loudly say "Minorities"

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Anon gets friend zoned by a prostitute | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)12:09:40 No.63034762 >19 >talking to girl who does onlyfans in my neighborhood >sucks d--- for money --- sometimes >wanna get my first b------ >we meet up >we smoke weed and talk for a bit 507 KB PNG >l start to pull out the money and she stops me >"You're just so nice Anon, I wanna be friends with you, so sucking your d--- feels wrong." i can't believe i got friendzoned by a prostitute what the f--- is wrong with me
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)12:09:40 No.63034762 >19 >talking to girl who does onlyfans in my neighborhood >sucks d--- for money --- sometimes >wanna get my first b------ >we meet up >we smoke weed and talk for a bit 507 KB PNG >l start to pull out the money and she stops me >"You're just so nice Anon, I wanna be friends with you, so sucking your d--- feels wrong." i can't believe i got friendzoned by a prostitute what the f--- is wrong with me

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Anon gets a request | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)00:25:10 No.549 >get request to join game >close game >log out of steam >shut down computer >turn off circuit breaker >hide under the bed
Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)00:25:10 No.549 >get request to join game >close game >log out of steam >shut down computer >turn off circuit breaker >hide under the bed

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Anon sells weed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)09:08:49 No.777883934 >be me >am 17 >am pretty stupid and broke so decide to sell fake feels good man drugs >start filling a few bags with oregano and selling to 30 KB JPG freshmen >kids actually believe it's weed and buy some >mfw they fake being high and then come back to buy more >one day called up to principals office >there's a cop in there >they ask to search my bag >mfw all they find is oregano >mfw I say I'm making pasta after school and my friend gave me some oregano he grew to use >mfw they can't do anything so they send me back to class
: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)09:08:49 No.777883934 >be me >am 17 >am pretty stupid and broke so decide to sell fake feels good man drugs >start filling a few bags with oregano and selling to 30 KB JPG freshmen >kids actually believe it's weed and buy some >mfw they fake being high and then come back to buy more >one day called up to principals office >there's a cop in there >they ask to search my bag >mfw all they find is oregano >mfw I say I'm making pasta after school and my friend gave me some oregano he grew to use >mfw they can't do anything so they send me back to class

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Anon hires an escort | /r/Greentext

Anonymous An escort just rejected me, wh(...) 04/21/21(Wed)09:07:55 No.63316301 >be me >25yo, havent had sex in almost 3 years >f--- it, decide to go to a h----- >go through the escorts on this site >wanna find a rly hot one to celebrate kind of losing my virginity a second time after 3 years of none >find the hottest girl imaginable,22yo, 62 KB JPG comments all say shes a beast >pricetag.exe >450buckaroonies per hour, whatever its a one time thing >call her, we talk for like 1 min and she says we shout continue in whatsapp >rly friendy girl, had a nice chat, decided to meet for the deed tomorrow >asks me to send her a pic of myself >a bit nervous but f--- it shes an actual w---- >no reply for 15mins >"im sorry anon but i dont think we should meet, best of luck though" W-- now boys? an actual prostitute didnt wanna f--- me for 450bucks (thats like almost half a months salary where i come from). how does one recover from that? is it possible? getting drunk alone now 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
Anonymous An escort just rejected me, wh(...) 04/21/21(Wed)09:07:55 No.63316301 >be me >25yo, havent had sex in almost 3 years >f--- it, decide to go to a h----- >go through the escorts on this site >wanna find a rly hot one to celebrate kind of losing my virginity a second time after 3 years of none >find the hottest girl imaginable,22yo, 62 KB JPG comments all say shes a beast >pricetag.exe >450buckaroonies per hour, whatever its a one time thing >call her, we talk for like 1 min and she says we shout continue in whatsapp >rly friendy girl, had a nice chat, decided to meet for the deed tomorrow >asks me to send her a pic of myself >a bit nervous but f--- it shes an actual w---- >no reply for 15mins >"im sorry anon but i dont think we should meet, best of luck though" W-- now boys? an actual prostitute didnt wanna f--- me for 450bucks (thats like almost half a months salary where i come from). how does one recover from that? is it possible? getting drunk alone now 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon contemplates | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)13:32:49 No.63321401 >have never had any interesting experiences in my life >have never done anything besides play video games and watch youtube videos about video games all my life >no interests or personality NO PLACT NEW 255 KB JPG >not smart either I think it might be too late. How will I ever recover? : Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)13:34:11 No.63321421 >anon discovers hes average Sorry anon im in the same boat so cant help. >>63321475 # : Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)13:34:49 No.63321428 >>63321401 (OP) The fastest way to recover is by going on Grindr and getting TOPPED you will have fun and it will be exciting
: Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)13:32:49 No.63321401 >have never had any interesting experiences in my life >have never done anything besides play video games and watch youtube videos about video games all my life >no interests or personality NO PLACT NEW 255 KB JPG >not smart either I think it might be too late. How will I ever recover? : Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)13:34:11 No.63321421 >anon discovers hes average Sorry anon im in the same boat so cant help. >>63321475 # : Anonymous 04/21/21(Wed)13:34:49 No.63321428 >>63321401 (OP) The fastest way to recover is by going on Grindr and getting TOPPED you will have fun and it will be exciting

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New Halloween Decoration | /r/Greentext

best way to kill youself? this is what i would do: >wait until Halloween >go to the largest building on campus >hang yourself from the roof dressed as a scarecrow >for the next few days everyone will make jokes about the dank decoration >few more days pass and normies start wondering where Anon is >after about a week ppl start noticing a strange smell >then some school staffers cut the rope of the smelly "decoration" >your soggy rotten body explodes on the pavement below im not really sure what would happen if someone did this. it would absolutely make national news and possibly end Halloween
best way to kill youself? this is what i would do: >wait until Halloween >go to the largest building on campus >hang yourself from the roof dressed as a scarecrow >for the next few days everyone will make jokes about the dank decoration >few more days pass and normies start wondering where Anon is >after about a week ppl start noticing a strange smell >then some school staffers cut the rope of the smelly "decoration" >your soggy rotten body explodes on the pavement below im not really sure what would happen if someone did this. it would absolutely make national news and possibly end Halloween

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Anon is fuckin stupid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:19:40 No.850710433 >messaging girl for a while now >she finally sends me nudes >"what do you think of me, anon?" >type pog, it autocorrects to pig. >press send before I realise me mistake 5 KB JPG >she blocks me before I can explain Why must fate hurt me this way? : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:20:38 No.850710478 : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:21:12 No.850710505 >pog military grade cringe, die alone.
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:19:40 No.850710433 >messaging girl for a while now >she finally sends me nudes >"what do you think of me, anon?" >type pog, it autocorrects to pig. >press send before I realise me mistake 5 KB JPG >she blocks me before I can explain Why must fate hurt me this way? : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:20:38 No.850710478 : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:21:12 No.850710505 >pog military grade cringe, die alone.

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Listen to a fellow anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/16/18(Fri)01:07:26 No.4517231C >Be paramedic >Seen dozens of suicides in the last 8 years >The reactions of the loved ones are always bad >None is ever worse than a dad 169 KB JPG loosing his son There is not a thing in this world that is more depressing sounding than a man sobbing while clutching his sons lifeless body. I remember one who killed himself by shotgun slug after he came back from Iraq. There was nothing left of him, and his father got home just as we were getting ready to leave. I couldn't let him see, so I stood there and just didn't let him through. He went downstairs to the basement and clutched his sons old baseball glove, rocking back and forth, just saying "papas here, buddy, papas here." Don't do it anons. >>45172699 #
: Anonymous 03/16/18(Fri)01:07:26 No.4517231C >Be paramedic >Seen dozens of suicides in the last 8 years >The reactions of the loved ones are always bad >None is ever worse than a dad 169 KB JPG loosing his son There is not a thing in this world that is more depressing sounding than a man sobbing while clutching his sons lifeless body. I remember one who killed himself by shotgun slug after he came back from Iraq. There was nothing left of him, and his father got home just as we were getting ready to leave. I couldn't let him see, so I stood there and just didn't let him through. He went downstairs to the basement and clutched his sons old baseball glove, rocking back and forth, just saying "papas here, buddy, papas here." Don't do it anons. >>45172699 #

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Anon tries to understand the female mind. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: k3eazSnQ ) 09/26/20(Sat)20:43:43 No.279414971 >on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her children and husband of 70 years she thinks of some homeless dude who f----- her in a boat trip for 2 days >millions of women consider this 70 KB JPG a great love story Why are women like this?
: Anonymous (ID: k3eazSnQ ) 09/26/20(Sat)20:43:43 No.279414971 >on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her children and husband of 70 years she thinks of some homeless dude who f----- her in a boat trip for 2 days >millions of women consider this 70 KB JPG a great love story Why are women like this?

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Anon is a master procrastinator. | /r/Greentext


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anon is not a loser | /r/Greentext

How about a /devilish/ thread? >At uni >Girl calls me a loser >over the line 63 KB JPG >Find her facebook >She has a boyfriend >Everything is public >Perfect >Save her pictures, learn her interests >Make an okcupid account >Fill it out with her info >Interact with others a little >Make a fake Chad facebook account >Message her boyfriend >"Hey bro sorry to bring this up but I was on okcupid and I do google searches of my dates, found your gf on it. Thought I should let you know." >bf messages me back "wow dude thanks for telling me." >A few days later check her facebook >Relationship: Single. Who is the loser now?
How about a /devilish/ thread? >At uni >Girl calls me a loser >over the line 63 KB JPG >Find her facebook >She has a boyfriend >Everything is public >Perfect >Save her pictures, learn her interests >Make an okcupid account >Fill it out with her info >Interact with others a little >Make a fake Chad facebook account >Message her boyfriend >"Hey bro sorry to bring this up but I was on okcupid and I do google searches of my dates, found your gf on it. Thought I should let you know." >bf messages me back "wow dude thanks for telling me." >A few days later check her facebook >Relationship: Single. Who is the loser now?

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