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Anon has a complaint | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)21:34:34 No.852493672 >/b/ random >it's just p--- >on a website with specified p--- boards gee real 'random' guys 24 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)21:34:34 No.852493672 >/b/ random >it's just p--- >on a website with specified p--- boards gee real 'random' guys 24 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon has liquid shits | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:54:45 No.848100344 >be me >frequently have liquid s---- >doc recommends I start taking Metamucil (fiber supplement) >read the instructions >it says take two scoops and mix it 225 KB JPG in water >my dumb ass assumed 1 scoop = 1 cup >grab my big gallon water bottle, put two cups of it in and mix it with water >chug >fast forward five days >haven't shat yet >can feel the baby sized turd growing in me >chug a bunch of coffee to trigger a bowel movement >sit on toilet for three hours as I push a f------ football out of my a------ >feel like I'm getting f----- in the prison showers >it seriously feels like my a------ is being ripped open >keep pushing >relief >s--- was the size of a $5 footlong sub >have to break it down with the plunger to flush it Now I'm considering doing it again cause the feeling it had on my a------ kinda turned me on. Thoughts?
:Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:54:45 No.848100344 >be me >frequently have liquid s---- >doc recommends I start taking Metamucil (fiber supplement) >read the instructions >it says take two scoops and mix it 225 KB JPG in water >my dumb ass assumed 1 scoop = 1 cup >grab my big gallon water bottle, put two cups of it in and mix it with water >chug >fast forward five days >haven't shat yet >can feel the baby sized turd growing in me >chug a bunch of coffee to trigger a bowel movement >sit on toilet for three hours as I push a f------ football out of my a------ >feel like I'm getting f----- in the prison showers >it seriously feels like my a------ is being ripped open >keep pushing >relief >s--- was the size of a $5 footlong sub >have to break it down with the plunger to flush it Now I'm considering doing it again cause the feeling it had on my a------ kinda turned me on. Thoughts?

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Anon gets rejected | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 1ta/DtoM 02/02/21 (Tue)00:43:18 No.12055241 >be me >7 >forced to do karate >slack off every time >dad yells at me >asks me if i want to join clown school >i said yes 62 KB JPG >gets even angrier >mfw i dont get to join clown school
: Anonymous (ID: 1ta/DtoM 02/02/21 (Tue)00:43:18 No.12055241 >be me >7 >forced to do karate >slack off every time >dad yells at me >asks me if i want to join clown school >i said yes 62 KB JPG >gets even angrier >mfw i dont get to join clown school

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anon is no virgin | /r/Greentext

>be me >fingering girlfriend >"How are you so good at this anon?" >"I play osu" needless to say, she was p-----
>be me >fingering girlfriend >"How are you so good at this anon?" >"I play osu" needless to say, she was p-----

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Anon is a Chad now. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous talked to a girl 04/19/21(Mon)19:28:21 No.63293035 >be me >20 yo virgin >made eye contact with girl >suck it 92 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)19:32:56 No.63293098 hey good job man
: Anonymous talked to a girl 04/19/21(Mon)19:28:21 No.63293035 >be me >20 yo virgin >made eye contact with girl >suck it 92 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)19:32:56 No.63293098 hey good job man

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Anon is in a relationship | /r/Greentext

2h (4/19 18:01) · 63285303 3 Re · 1 Img · JPG · 41KB · (278 × 317) 1 Reply >be me >play world of warcraft since tbc >used to have lots of fun playing wow >these days the fun is all gone >every once in a while i get a glimpse of how fun it used to be >other than that, the game just brings me pain and misery >still keep on playing >still hope that the game will one day be fun again is that how it feels to be in an abusive relationship?
2h (4/19 18:01) · 63285303 3 Re · 1 Img · JPG · 41KB · (278 × 317) 1 Reply >be me >play world of warcraft since tbc >used to have lots of fun playing wow >these days the fun is all gone >every once in a while i get a glimpse of how fun it used to be >other than that, the game just brings me pain and misery >still keep on playing >still hope that the game will one day be fun again is that how it feels to be in an abusive relationship?

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Anon likes milk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/22/20(Thu)17:44:27 No.58036157 21e51dcf89bb40a78d137eaf072d7645.jpg 41 KB JPG >don't really like protein shakes >imagine it's mommy misato's breastmilk >chug it down no problem
: Anonymous 10/22/20(Thu)17:44:27 No.58036157 21e51dcf89bb40a78d137eaf072d7645.jpg 41 KB JPG >don't really like protein shakes >imagine it's mommy misato's breastmilk >chug it down no problem

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Anon like his money | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/06/20(Thu)10:50:47 No.833723514 >be me >Get chased by group of men in suits >I run >Really hard to outrun them but I 58 KB JPG manage >I get tired and they keep inching closer >Oh_fuck.wmv >Get idea >I shave my head >Instant speed boost because of aerodynamics >Distance gets greater >They start screaming >"You can't keep running away, some day we tax collectors catch you!" Image related, I'm jeff bezos View Thread
: Anonymous 08/06/20(Thu)10:50:47 No.833723514 >be me >Get chased by group of men in suits >I run >Really hard to outrun them but I 58 KB JPG manage >I get tired and they keep inching closer >Oh_fuck.wmv >Get idea >I shave my head >Instant speed boost because of aerodynamics >Distance gets greater >They start screaming >"You can't keep running away, some day we tax collectors catch you!" Image related, I'm jeff bezos View Thread

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Anon has a realization | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)19:01:39 No.63278994 >look down >realize I've been sitting on the same chair on the same computer since high school 364 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)19:05:28 No.63279034 >>63278994 (OP) # man my chair was a handmedown it was handed down to me when I was 90 KB JPG 14 I am nearly 31
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)19:01:39 No.63278994 >look down >realize I've been sitting on the same chair on the same computer since high school 364 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)19:05:28 No.63279034 >>63278994 (OP) # man my chair was a handmedown it was handed down to me when I was 90 KB JPG 14 I am nearly 31

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Anon's boss is a memer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 775720450 1 min ago >be me >dispatch manager for a small company >bunch of 18 year olds start working in the shipping dept >start using the most current memes, yet, ligma etc, just general s--- from 4chan/reddit to see if they get it >kids get really into it >everything is a meme to them >boss walks into the dispatch room just as I chuck some packing tape to one the kids screaming yeet as I do it >boss takes one look at me and says "looks like you've got a case of updog" >one of the kids replies "what's up dog?" >MFW my boss is the biggest memer in the office 704.8 kB JPG
Anonymous | 775720450 1 min ago >be me >dispatch manager for a small company >bunch of 18 year olds start working in the shipping dept >start using the most current memes, yet, ligma etc, just general s--- from 4chan/reddit to see if they get it >kids get really into it >everything is a meme to them >boss walks into the dispatch room just as I chuck some packing tape to one the kids screaming yeet as I do it >boss takes one look at me and says "looks like you've got a case of updog" >one of the kids replies "what's up dog?" >MFW my boss is the biggest memer in the office 704.8 kB JPG

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Anon is alpha | /r/Greentext

1371922563634.jpg-(769 KB, 2849x3474, Theodore_Roosevelt_laughing.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: Q6RIFYSI) 06/22/13(Sat)13:36:03 No.488565345 Replies: >>48 >Be me >Be 16 >New school, introduced to class >Meet guy who is an a------, let's call him Shitgut >Shitgut tries to start bullying me >Be alpha and resist >Don't make many friends, don't need them >Notice Shitgut bullies other kids >Decide to f--- him up >Figure where his locker is >Wait until school is over, follow him home from a safe distance, unseen >Mark down where he lives, GTFO >Find out he does hockey, figure out where his ice rink is, and what time he trains >Spend six months practically stalking that f---, making sure I don't get caught >Map out where he is at any time, at all times >Then proceed to phase two, buy a pineapple >On a day I get off school earlier than he does, bike to his house and leave the pineapple at the door >His parents ain't home for hours, seen by nobody >He tells people about the pineapple tomorrow, nobody cares >Two weeks later, sneak a pineapple at the ice rink, in the men's dressing room >People think he's making it up >Start buying a pineapple on a regular basis, always have it ready when opportunity strikes >Hallway empty, pick his locker and leave a pineapple >His motorbike is unwatched, leave a pineapple >He doesn't mention the pineapples to anyone anymore >Figure out where they keep his home's spare key >Skip school, sneak into his home while his parents work >Leave a pineapple on his bed >Hear he's failing classes >His parents put up a security camera, I figure the blind spot and dodge that s--- >Send him a f------ pineapple for christmas through the mail from a fake address >He doesn't show up to school every day anymore >Don't even think about why I do it anymore, it's just for s---- and giggles now >Bombard that f--- with random pineapples every few weeks for two f------ years >School year ends, finish school >Go to college like a boss >Come back home for the holidays >Hear someone from my old school had had a panic attack at the grocery store >It's Shitgut. >Someone had left a f------ pineapple on the beer shelf
1371922563634.jpg-(769 KB, 2849x3474, Theodore_Roosevelt_laughing.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: Q6RIFYSI) 06/22/13(Sat)13:36:03 No.488565345 Replies: >>48 >Be me >Be 16 >New school, introduced to class >Meet guy who is an a------, let's call him Shitgut >Shitgut tries to start bullying me >Be alpha and resist >Don't make many friends, don't need them >Notice Shitgut bullies other kids >Decide to f--- him up >Figure where his locker is >Wait until school is over, follow him home from a safe distance, unseen >Mark down where he lives, GTFO >Find out he does hockey, figure out where his ice rink is, and what time he trains >Spend six months practically stalking that f---, making sure I don't get caught >Map out where he is at any time, at all times >Then proceed to phase two, buy a pineapple >On a day I get off school earlier than he does, bike to his house and leave the pineapple at the door >His parents ain't home for hours, seen by nobody >He tells people about the pineapple tomorrow, nobody cares >Two weeks later, sneak a pineapple at the ice rink, in the men's dressing room >People think he's making it up >Start buying a pineapple on a regular basis, always have it ready when opportunity strikes >Hallway empty, pick his locker and leave a pineapple >His motorbike is unwatched, leave a pineapple >He doesn't mention the pineapples to anyone anymore >Figure out where they keep his home's spare key >Skip school, sneak into his home while his parents work >Leave a pineapple on his bed >Hear he's failing classes >His parents put up a security camera, I figure the blind spot and dodge that s--- >Send him a f------ pineapple for christmas through the mail from a fake address >He doesn't show up to school every day anymore >Don't even think about why I do it anymore, it's just for s---- and giggles now >Bombard that f--- with random pineapples every few weeks for two f------ years >School year ends, finish school >Go to college like a boss >Come back home for the holidays >Hear someone from my old school had had a panic attack at the grocery store >It's Shitgut. >Someone had left a f------ pineapple on the beer shelf

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Anon pisses on some tax collectors | /r/Greentext

Board /b/ - Random Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)23:41:35 No.852431117 >be me >14 years ago >2nd grader on playground >picking my nose >little bitch called ryan sees me >threatens to tell people l'm eating 206 KB JPG boogers >l'm not letting my playground streeet cred be ruined by some d------ > panic and say l'll bribe him for 5 dollars >he says ok, and I say l'll come with the money tommorow >next day >this bitch asks for the money >Say I forgot >this repeats every so often for about 3 weeks >eventaully ryan has had enough of my s--- >its recess >go into bathroom >start pissing at urinal >3 kids come in >turn around >oh s--- oh s--- its ryan >one of these f-------- trys to punch me >l'm still peeing, and give them a golden shower >they still beat the s--- out of me >mfw i got beaten by the playground mafia
Board /b/ - Random Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)23:41:35 No.852431117 >be me >14 years ago >2nd grader on playground >picking my nose >little bitch called ryan sees me >threatens to tell people l'm eating 206 KB JPG boogers >l'm not letting my playground streeet cred be ruined by some d------ > panic and say l'll bribe him for 5 dollars >he says ok, and I say l'll come with the money tommorow >next day >this bitch asks for the money >Say I forgot >this repeats every so often for about 3 weeks >eventaully ryan has had enough of my s--- >its recess >go into bathroom >start pissing at urinal >3 kids come in >turn around >oh s--- oh s--- its ryan >one of these f-------- trys to punch me >l'm still peeing, and give them a golden shower >they still beat the s--- out of me >mfw i got beaten by the playground mafia

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anon is a veteran doctor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/24/16(Thu)06: 47:58 No.675573664 I Am Veteran Doctor >Be a new doctor >Very new >Man comes in with pains in the stomach >He said he hasn't ate in 4 days >Don't know what to do >Put leaches on his legs >After 17 jars he looks really pale >Are you a vampire? >"Nay" >That is what a vampire would say.manuscript >He is stabbed with a stake >He dies >l remember that vampires die if stabbed in the heart with wooden stake >He died so he must have been a vampire >King rewards me with 20 silver pieces and a nice hat >l am Doctor
Anonymous 03/24/16(Thu)06: 47:58 No.675573664 I Am Veteran Doctor >Be a new doctor >Very new >Man comes in with pains in the stomach >He said he hasn't ate in 4 days >Don't know what to do >Put leaches on his legs >After 17 jars he looks really pale >Are you a vampire? >"Nay" >That is what a vampire would say.manuscript >He is stabbed with a stake >He dies >l remember that vampires die if stabbed in the heart with wooden stake >He died so he must have been a vampire >King rewards me with 20 silver pieces and a nice hat >l am Doctor

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Anon buys a weighted blanket | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/12/17(Thu)23:00:07 No.40366294 >love having pressure on top of me >buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay on top of me and feel like l'm being hugged 96 KB JPG >do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids oh no
: Anonymous 10/12/17(Thu)23:00:07 No.40366294 >love having pressure on top of me >buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay on top of me and feel like l'm being hugged 96 KB JPG >do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids oh no

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Anon's first and only experience | /r/Greentext

>>63285419 # Damn it took me a while. Well here we go OP >Be me years ago >17 yo virgin autistic >Managed to find a 6.5/10 20ish years 8 KB PNG old gf >She is somewhat masculine, a tomboy in its primal stage, nymphomaniac always looking for the D >Don't really like her but whatev.png better than nothing >One afternoon we are alone at her house >She has to go to the bathroom, follow her >She pees, gets up without wiping and tells me to lay down on the sofa >Foreshadowing.png >She wants the D and takes off my trousers >She giggles a bit when i show my D, says she sucked on bigger ones >Whatevpart2.btmp >Tells me to put on a condom, i do >She proceeds to blow me >why the condom then >Worstblowjobever.jpg thanks to the condom >C-- after 10 mins >Post nut clarity starts to rise >Her turn >She shoves my face into her rancid distillery >Can hardly breath, WW1 soldiers had it better with mustard gass >Taste is even worse than the smell >Feels like hours have passed >My mouth is basically a bladder with teeth >She gets up to light a c-- >l make up an excuse and gtfo without even rinsing my mouth with water >1 hr bus ride to contemplate what just happened with the taste still present >Mfw years later I am instinctively repulsed by sex because of this experience >Mfw that's the only sexual experience of my life >Mfw i got a boner while writing this
>>63285419 # Damn it took me a while. Well here we go OP >Be me years ago >17 yo virgin autistic >Managed to find a 6.5/10 20ish years 8 KB PNG old gf >She is somewhat masculine, a tomboy in its primal stage, nymphomaniac always looking for the D >Don't really like her but whatev.png better than nothing >One afternoon we are alone at her house >She has to go to the bathroom, follow her >She pees, gets up without wiping and tells me to lay down on the sofa >Foreshadowing.png >She wants the D and takes off my trousers >She giggles a bit when i show my D, says she sucked on bigger ones >Whatevpart2.btmp >Tells me to put on a condom, i do >She proceeds to blow me >why the condom then >Worstblowjobever.jpg thanks to the condom >C-- after 10 mins >Post nut clarity starts to rise >Her turn >She shoves my face into her rancid distillery >Can hardly breath, WW1 soldiers had it better with mustard gass >Taste is even worse than the smell >Feels like hours have passed >My mouth is basically a bladder with teeth >She gets up to light a c-- >l make up an excuse and gtfo without even rinsing my mouth with water >1 hr bus ride to contemplate what just happened with the taste still present >Mfw years later I am instinctively repulsed by sex because of this experience >Mfw that's the only sexual experience of my life >Mfw i got a boner while writing this

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Anon doesn’t like landwhales | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)14:12:39 No.852470659 #we are tires CAN'T PROT TOUCH THTSE Untitled.jpg 231 KB JPG > implying anyone would want to touch this
: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)14:12:39 No.852470659 #we are tires CAN'T PROT TOUCH THTSE Untitled.jpg 231 KB JPG > implying anyone would want to touch this

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Anon inherits doctor status | /r/Greentext

> be me > mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor > 7th century idk > walk past the farms on my way to the castle 149 KB PNG > see a family of peasants waiting for me > male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back > *notices buldge* ö>õ what's this? > "please cure my husband, he's become ill" > no clue w-- he has > sure.carvedstone > poke with doctors stick > buldge bursts > whitish cream bursts everywhere > looks like spider blood > smells like spider blood > tastes like spider blood > declare farmer possessed by spider > burned alive at the stake > king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading > feelsgoodman
> be me > mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor > 7th century idk > walk past the farms on my way to the castle 149 KB PNG > see a family of peasants waiting for me > male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back > *notices buldge* ö>õ what's this? > "please cure my husband, he's become ill" > no clue w-- he has > sure.carvedstone > poke with doctors stick > buldge bursts > whitish cream bursts everywhere > looks like spider blood > smells like spider blood > tastes like spider blood > declare farmer possessed by spider > burned alive at the stake > king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading > feelsgoodman

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Anon gets fits in | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)12:30:34 No.789444903 >be me 3 years ago >16 years old >Not many friends. >Feel alone as hell, see everyone partying and s--- and I'm sitting around at home. >Classmate at school talking about going out for a drive with friends. 38 KB JPG >Looks at me >"Hey anon! Your a funny dude, how about you join us" >Heart skips a beat, this is all I have ever wanted. >We go out eat some chipolte, go too Walmart and f--- around there. Buy like 15 king sized kit Kats for s---- n giggles. >Finally they dropped me off at home >I hate home, mom is terrible. >Obvious frown >Friendo looks at me "hey.. we'll see you around anon. You fit right in. >Smiled and nodded >Walked inside room and cried happiness cry.
: Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)12:30:34 No.789444903 >be me 3 years ago >16 years old >Not many friends. >Feel alone as hell, see everyone partying and s--- and I'm sitting around at home. >Classmate at school talking about going out for a drive with friends. 38 KB JPG >Looks at me >"Hey anon! Your a funny dude, how about you join us" >Heart skips a beat, this is all I have ever wanted. >We go out eat some chipolte, go too Walmart and f--- around there. Buy like 15 king sized kit Kats for s---- n giggles. >Finally they dropped me off at home >I hate home, mom is terrible. >Obvious frown >Friendo looks at me "hey.. we'll see you around anon. You fit right in. >Smiled and nodded >Walked inside room and cried happiness cry.

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Anon frauds as a Chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Trolling tales? 04/19/21(Mon)16:53:29 No.63285470 >be me >trucel, ugly as f--- >start messing with face app and the face-swapping >idea.jpg >Go to discord server with a bunch of retards who post their face to get "ratings" >Start calling people ugly, they ask to see what I 8 KB JPG look like >send image of me faceswapped with a 10/10 Chad >They don't buy it, I keep insisting that its me >Eventually I offer to send a time stamped pic with my username to confirm it, they say fine >quickly make Chad photo with me holding the time stamp and send it >they are speechless >they start coping and call me a jackass for making fun of them at first >double down on it, call them bitter incels >Eventually after a hilarious half hour of arguing I get banned >mfw
: Anonymous Trolling tales? 04/19/21(Mon)16:53:29 No.63285470 >be me >trucel, ugly as f--- >start messing with face app and the face-swapping >idea.jpg >Go to discord server with a bunch of retards who post their face to get "ratings" >Start calling people ugly, they ask to see what I 8 KB JPG look like >send image of me faceswapped with a 10/10 Chad >They don't buy it, I keep insisting that its me >Eventually I offer to send a time stamped pic with my username to confirm it, they say fine >quickly make Chad photo with me holding the time stamp and send it >they are speechless >they start coping and call me a jackass for making fun of them at first >double down on it, call them bitter incels >Eventually after a hilarious half hour of arguing I get banned >mfw

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OP’s Coworker Thirsty | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)12:44:31 No.852461236 >be me 20 >at work >been flirting with 45 y/o milf constantly >she texts me whilst im infront of her in a room of people >"take my bottle, go pee in it, and 39 KB JPG hand it to me > do so > she drinks it in front of everyone whilst making eye contact with me. >h-------- do you believe my story? cos i swear to you this happened today.
: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)12:44:31 No.852461236 >be me 20 >at work >been flirting with 45 y/o milf constantly >she texts me whilst im infront of her in a room of people >"take my bottle, go pee in it, and 39 KB JPG hand it to me > do so > she drinks it in front of everyone whilst making eye contact with me. >h-------- do you believe my story? cos i swear to you this happened today.

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