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Anon likes pork | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)15:40:14 No.853334843 >be me, eating a pulled pork sandwich >life is good >be you, not eating a pulled pork sandwich why even keep living? 33 KB JPG 6 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)15:40:14 No.853334843 >be me, eating a pulled pork sandwich >life is good >be you, not eating a pulled pork sandwich why even keep living? 33 KB JPG 6 Replies View Thread

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Anon is a redhead | /r/Greentext

File: wrong number.jpg (129 KB, 1440x1594) last night I face timed the wrong # n this ginger picked up. Ended up chatting for 30 min. He was actually chill af. Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)17:22:21 No.853352727 ► >853352890 >be me >be redhead >be dyslexic
File: wrong number.jpg (129 KB, 1440x1594) last night I face timed the wrong # n this ginger picked up. Ended up chatting for 30 min. He was actually chill af. Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)17:22:21 No.853352727 ► >853352890 >be me >be redhead >be dyslexic

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Can’t even think of a fucking title for this one.... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)22:23:36 No.47613948 >>47613790 # >Really severe autists "live in their own world" F--- 50 KB JPG >>47614513 # : Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)22:47:53 No.47614513 >>47613948 # whats wrong anon? originolyify : Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)23:28:46 No.47615423 When I'm taking a s--- I always point my finger gun at the door because l'm expecting the clown from McDonald's to banzai charge me with a gun while l'm pushing the log out What the f--- is wrong with me? 625 KB PNG
: Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)22:23:36 No.47613948 >>47613790 # >Really severe autists "live in their own world" F--- 50 KB JPG >>47614513 # : Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)22:47:53 No.47614513 >>47613948 # whats wrong anon? originolyify : Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)23:28:46 No.47615423 When I'm taking a s--- I always point my finger gun at the door because l'm expecting the clown from McDonald's to banzai charge me with a gun while l'm pushing the log out What the f--- is wrong with me? 625 KB PNG

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Anon's gf likes ranch | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)01:02:40 No.853294636 >be me >17 >been chatting with neighbor girl for a while >qt 8/10 alt/goth gf, likes vidya and s--- so that's enough for me >decide to have her over (live with parents) >pizza night, nothing special >she comes over, has a pretty big shoulder bag with hair stuff, makeup, spare clothes etc >think nothing of it >meets parents, all is going well and we sit down for dinner >remember she likes ranch dressing >"qt, do you want some ranch?" >"no thanks anon, i brought my own" >reaches behind her into the bag slung over the chair >pulls out a big f----off bottle of ranch, like half a gallon or something >me, parents and siblings are all pic related >dad is trying not to laugh >mom is weirded tf out >siblings are just absolutely dumbfounded >im embarassed as f--- but try to move past it >with no shame, qt squirts at léast three ounces of ranch onto her plate for dip, then drizzles some on the slice too >nobody says anything >she smiles at me and giggles, "i told you i like ranch" >then she realizes what the f--- she just did >she looks around at everyone pretending not to stare, face goes completely red, bottle of ranch still on the table >"y-you guys want some ranch?" >"no qt, nobody else here likes ranch on pizza but that's nice of you to offer" >we eat in silence and retreat upstairs >f--- for hours >we all just pretend nothing happened >still tease her about it in private, 5 years later still together
O Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)01:02:40 No.853294636 >be me >17 >been chatting with neighbor girl for a while >qt 8/10 alt/goth gf, likes vidya and s--- so that's enough for me >decide to have her over (live with parents) >pizza night, nothing special >she comes over, has a pretty big shoulder bag with hair stuff, makeup, spare clothes etc >think nothing of it >meets parents, all is going well and we sit down for dinner >remember she likes ranch dressing >"qt, do you want some ranch?" >"no thanks anon, i brought my own" >reaches behind her into the bag slung over the chair >pulls out a big f----off bottle of ranch, like half a gallon or something >me, parents and siblings are all pic related >dad is trying not to laugh >mom is weirded tf out >siblings are just absolutely dumbfounded >im embarassed as f--- but try to move past it >with no shame, qt squirts at léast three ounces of ranch onto her plate for dip, then drizzles some on the slice too >nobody says anything >she smiles at me and giggles, "i told you i like ranch" >then she realizes what the f--- she just did >she looks around at everyone pretending not to stare, face goes completely red, bottle of ranch still on the table >"y-you guys want some ranch?" >"no qt, nobody else here likes ranch on pizza but that's nice of you to offer" >we eat in silence and retreat upstairs >f--- for hours >we all just pretend nothing happened >still tease her about it in private, 5 years later still together

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anon uses woman's locker room | /r/Greentext

Anonymous tiswWDSp1319362970 47 min. ago >f2m keeps using my gyms male locker room >walk past while she's getting dressed >"woah this is the guys locker room!" >put my hand in front of my face like l'm hiding her body from my sight >tell the gym manager 2.8 MB WEBM >Sshe says she can use the men's locker room if she identifies as male >"so I can use the women's locker room if I identify as female?" >she starts to say no but bites her tongue and just asks rudely "do you need anything else today?" Then walks away >next day start using women's locker room >immediate salt from all the women bitching >they report me to the gym manager >l tell her I identify as female >she knows I'm bullshitting but can't call me out on it or she'll lose her job >she tells all the women if they feel uncomfortable just wait until I finish and leave the locker room >4 days later sign on locker room doors "please use locker room that coincides with born sex" >f2m t----- BTFO into women's locker room
Anonymous tiswWDSp1319362970 47 min. ago >f2m keeps using my gyms male locker room >walk past while she's getting dressed >"woah this is the guys locker room!" >put my hand in front of my face like l'm hiding her body from my sight >tell the gym manager 2.8 MB WEBM >Sshe says she can use the men's locker room if she identifies as male >"so I can use the women's locker room if I identify as female?" >she starts to say no but bites her tongue and just asks rudely "do you need anything else today?" Then walks away >next day start using women's locker room >immediate salt from all the women bitching >they report me to the gym manager >l tell her I identify as female >she knows I'm bullshitting but can't call me out on it or she'll lose her job >she tells all the women if they feel uncomfortable just wait until I finish and leave the locker room >4 days later sign on locker room doors "please use locker room that coincides with born sex" >f2m t----- BTFO into women's locker room

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It’s over :( | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)17:20:40 No.63458186 >mom unironically caught me s------- on the floor it's f------ over 49 KB JPG 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)17:20:40 No.63458186 >mom unironically caught me s------- on the floor it's f------ over 49 KB JPG 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon shares his trap experience | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)19:25:36 No.853306463 >>853305901 # It was like five years ago anon, dont have any pics. >move to new city >be lonely after a few weeks, finally settled into new lame job >finally move to position in the company where I have weekends off >been lonely as s--- in the work/sleep cycle for like 3 weeks straight >get on dating app, mostly just looking for friends >message a bunch of girls, hoping to get laid but that was secondary to just trying to find a drinking buddy or someone to show me around town >no one is down to hangout that evening >finally match with trap as I'm about to go to bed >cute femboy, some slutty pics in stockings >asks me what i'm trying to get into >just say im new to town and looking to have a couple drinks and see the city >let's me know he's a trap (i already knew, it was relatively obvious), and asks if im still down to meet >say sure, just trying to make friends >bar is walkign distance to my house, I walk over to the bar we agreed to meet at >have a few drinks, smoke, was having a decent time >he's pretty drunk within an hour, im buzzed, tells me he doesnt feel comfy driving >offer him my couch >go back to my place >sit on the couch and put on some s--- movie >can tell he's purposefully letting his skirt ride up, acting flirty >l'm pretty awkard tbh and wasn't sure what to do, was legit just expecting to hang out >puts his hand on my thigh >d--- gets hard fast, he sees it >puts his hand on gently brushign up against my bulge >i open my legs a bit, inviting >proceeds to unzip my pants and suck on my c--- for like 20 minutes (couldn't c-- cuz booze) >dump buckets in his mouth thats about it
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)19:25:36 No.853306463 >>853305901 # It was like five years ago anon, dont have any pics. >move to new city >be lonely after a few weeks, finally settled into new lame job >finally move to position in the company where I have weekends off >been lonely as s--- in the work/sleep cycle for like 3 weeks straight >get on dating app, mostly just looking for friends >message a bunch of girls, hoping to get laid but that was secondary to just trying to find a drinking buddy or someone to show me around town >no one is down to hangout that evening >finally match with trap as I'm about to go to bed >cute femboy, some slutty pics in stockings >asks me what i'm trying to get into >just say im new to town and looking to have a couple drinks and see the city >let's me know he's a trap (i already knew, it was relatively obvious), and asks if im still down to meet >say sure, just trying to make friends >bar is walkign distance to my house, I walk over to the bar we agreed to meet at >have a few drinks, smoke, was having a decent time >he's pretty drunk within an hour, im buzzed, tells me he doesnt feel comfy driving >offer him my couch >go back to my place >sit on the couch and put on some s--- movie >can tell he's purposefully letting his skirt ride up, acting flirty >l'm pretty awkard tbh and wasn't sure what to do, was legit just expecting to hang out >puts his hand on my thigh >d--- gets hard fast, he sees it >puts his hand on gently brushign up against my bulge >i open my legs a bit, inviting >proceeds to unzip my pants and suck on my c--- for like 20 minutes (couldn't c-- cuz booze) >dump buckets in his mouth thats about it

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Anon fulfils your wishes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/22/17(Fri)15:12:42 No.745935318 >be me >24yo femanon >go on tinder date to a restaurant >guy is really cute >potentialbf.jpg >we make small talk and drink wine while we wait for our starters 334 KB PNG >this date is going really well <he's actually interested in my cat and asked to see pictures >we order starters, main and dessert and have a bottle of wine each >while we're eating dessert, he goes to the bathroom >ten minutes later, he still hasn't returned >ask a male waiter to check if he's ok >there's no guy in the bathroom >the bill is for £73.40 >i only have £48 on my card >i'm now barred from my favourite restaurant >mfw 63 Replies / 10 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 09/22/17(Fri)15:12:42 No.745935318 >be me >24yo femanon >go on tinder date to a restaurant >guy is really cute >potentialbf.jpg >we make small talk and drink wine while we wait for our starters 334 KB PNG >this date is going really well <he's actually interested in my cat and asked to see pictures >we order starters, main and dessert and have a bottle of wine each >while we're eating dessert, he goes to the bathroom >ten minutes later, he still hasn't returned >ask a male waiter to check if he's ok >there's no guy in the bathroom >the bill is for £73.40 >i only have £48 on my card >i'm now barred from my favourite restaurant >mfw 63 Replies / 10 Images View Thread

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Anon suffers in silence | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)10:46:08 No.63434396 >you will never leave india because of low iq and no money >you will always get rejected by people and women too >i will work at my boring IT jobs >there will never a good tourist spot like europe in india >you will be seen as a lowest of YOU WILL ALWAYS BE AN INDIAN 62 KB JPG society >tfw you will always be indian there is nothing worse than being indian brosss >i suffer
: Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)10:46:08 No.63434396 >you will never leave india because of low iq and no money >you will always get rejected by people and women too >i will work at my boring IT jobs >there will never a good tourist spot like europe in india >you will be seen as a lowest of YOU WILL ALWAYS BE AN INDIAN 62 KB JPG society >tfw you will always be indian there is nothing worse than being indian brosss >i suffer

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Anon’s Spartan Sphincter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)08:15:27 No.853314435 >driving >unyielding urge to shitbomb >haul ass to gas station >get inside bathroom >f------ 1stall&occupied.jpg 12 KB JPG >"yo l'm gonna s--- my pants" >"f--- you anon, I'm taking my time" >clenching sphincter with the forces of Sparta at thermopylae >curling over in pain >shitbomb undies >tightiewhities hold it all ftw >softbutsolid.jpg >take off pants and undies >throw shitbomb over stall >"what the FUUUUUUCK anon!" >loud thud then silence >see stall f----- on the floor MFW shitbomb fr
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)08:15:27 No.853314435 >driving >unyielding urge to shitbomb >haul ass to gas station >get inside bathroom >f------ 1stall&occupied.jpg 12 KB JPG >"yo l'm gonna s--- my pants" >"f--- you anon, I'm taking my time" >clenching sphincter with the forces of Sparta at thermopylae >curling over in pain >shitbomb undies >tightiewhities hold it all ftw >softbutsolid.jpg >take off pants and undies >throw shitbomb over stall >"what the FUUUUUUCK anon!" >loud thud then silence >see stall f----- on the floor MFW shitbomb fr

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Anon is poor | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 12/02/18(Sun)07:06:57 No.49618569 >Be me >9 >Really poor area, always hot, never rains. My dad is gone (obviously). >My mum uses what little money we have to make me tendies. I love 37 KB PNG my mum >No schools. >One day, a group of new faces show up. They're from the big city, and are doing an outreach program for deprived children without access to education. >Two guys: one is really religious, must've been a professor, and the other one is young - an undergraduate. There's also a girl there. Upon reflection, I think I said something really autistic to her. >They see that I like to tinker with electronics (computers and s---), and offer to take me to the city so I can be educated. >Accept. Will miss my tendies. >Religious nut gives me a blood test (in case I'm carrying diseases not endemic to the big city, I assume). >Go to the city. >I never see the religious nut again, but the underarad faaot sticks with me so I can adiust. >FF 9 years. >Me and the then undergrad f----- are best mates. >He's the teacher of my course now. >He says he's going to introduce me to a mate. >It's that gril from 9 years ago. >Holy f--- she's a 10/10 qt 3.14 >Sperg out. >Somehow she asks me to take her home. >See ya later virgins. >Spend more and more time with her >I f------ love this girl. >FF 2 months. >Haven't seen my mum for 9 years. >Take GF with me to meet her. >She's been kidnapped. >Later find out she was r---- repeatedly and killed (f------ sand n------). >This kinda shook me up. We had to bury her ourselves because I'm a broke student who can't afford a funeral. >This shook me up: thenceforth I was an edgy m-----------. I was grief stricken. No more tendies. >FF 3 years. >Going for masters. Me and gril are still together. Me and the teacher are still best bros. Small side note, throughout this entire greentext, there'd been another authority figure: an old man probably a professor. I got on really well with him, and was almost a father figure to me. 1/2 E Anonymous 12/02/18(Sun)07:07:17 No.49618575 2/2 Father figure had amassed a lot of power, which most certainly helped with my masters. >One day, go to see the father figure in his office. >There's some nog pointing a weapon square at father figure's face, who was cowering in the corner of his office. >Approach nog. >Trying to convince him otherwise. >Doesn't kill me for some reason. >Personal vendetta against father figure. >I see this is going nowhere. >Before nog can kill father figure, I disarm him, then we kill the f-----. >I stop and consider the fact that I have just kiled someone. >l'm on my knees, father figure is stood up, he's visibly different. >He begins to speak: >"Henceforth, you shall be known as Darth...Vader
| Anonymous 12/02/18(Sun)07:06:57 No.49618569 >Be me >9 >Really poor area, always hot, never rains. My dad is gone (obviously). >My mum uses what little money we have to make me tendies. I love 37 KB PNG my mum >No schools. >One day, a group of new faces show up. They're from the big city, and are doing an outreach program for deprived children without access to education. >Two guys: one is really religious, must've been a professor, and the other one is young - an undergraduate. There's also a girl there. Upon reflection, I think I said something really autistic to her. >They see that I like to tinker with electronics (computers and s---), and offer to take me to the city so I can be educated. >Accept. Will miss my tendies. >Religious nut gives me a blood test (in case I'm carrying diseases not endemic to the big city, I assume). >Go to the city. >I never see the religious nut again, but the underarad faaot sticks with me so I can adiust. >FF 9 years. >Me and the then undergrad f----- are best mates. >He's the teacher of my course now. >He says he's going to introduce me to a mate. >It's that gril from 9 years ago. >Holy f--- she's a 10/10 qt 3.14 >Sperg out. >Somehow she asks me to take her home. >See ya later virgins. >Spend more and more time with her >I f------ love this girl. >FF 2 months. >Haven't seen my mum for 9 years. >Take GF with me to meet her. >She's been kidnapped. >Later find out she was r---- repeatedly and killed (f------ sand n------). >This kinda shook me up. We had to bury her ourselves because I'm a broke student who can't afford a funeral. >This shook me up: thenceforth I was an edgy m-----------. I was grief stricken. No more tendies. >FF 3 years. >Going for masters. Me and gril are still together. Me and the teacher are still best bros. Small side note, throughout this entire greentext, there'd been another authority figure: an old man probably a professor. I got on really well with him, and was almost a father figure to me. 1/2 E Anonymous 12/02/18(Sun)07:07:17 No.49618575 2/2 Father figure had amassed a lot of power, which most certainly helped with my masters. >One day, go to see the father figure in his office. >There's some nog pointing a weapon square at father figure's face, who was cowering in the corner of his office. >Approach nog. >Trying to convince him otherwise. >Doesn't kill me for some reason. >Personal vendetta against father figure. >I see this is going nowhere. >Before nog can kill father figure, I disarm him, then we kill the f-----. >I stop and consider the fact that I have just kiled someone. >l'm on my knees, father figure is stood up, he's visibly different. >He begins to speak: >"Henceforth, you shall be known as Darth...Vader

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anon wants to coom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)22:17:56 No.849139033 I'll start >Be me >30 minutes ago >Want to coom >Go to /gif >Have music playing in the 9 KB JPG background >Go on Webms with sound thread anyway >Slowly spanking as I scroll through >Find some good s--- >Start to speed up >Really into it >Suddenly tune into the music in the background >Runaway by Kanye West >Nut to the gif >Just as I nut it gets to the last part of the song >"Let me be honest..." >Kanye singing the weird distorted part >Post nut clarity combines with the unintelligible but clearly sad lyrics >Lean back in chair >Actually start to cry >Go to wipe tears from face >Instead smear my own c-- across my face And that's my evening. How about you guys?
: Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)22:17:56 No.849139033 I'll start >Be me >30 minutes ago >Want to coom >Go to /gif >Have music playing in the 9 KB JPG background >Go on Webms with sound thread anyway >Slowly spanking as I scroll through >Find some good s--- >Start to speed up >Really into it >Suddenly tune into the music in the background >Runaway by Kanye West >Nut to the gif >Just as I nut it gets to the last part of the song >"Let me be honest..." >Kanye singing the weird distorted part >Post nut clarity combines with the unintelligible but clearly sad lyrics >Lean back in chair >Actually start to cry >Go to wipe tears from face >Instead smear my own c-- across my face And that's my evening. How about you guys?

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Deadliest Catch.... | /r/Greentext

ar15.jpg 32 KB JPG >be me >cause 37,000 deaths each year >cause an additional 2.35 million injuries >be the cause of nearly 1,600 children under age 15 >cost the US 230.6 billion per year, or an average of $820 per person. >be the greatest annual cause of death of healthy US citizens >be automobile >pic unrelated
ar15.jpg 32 KB JPG >be me >cause 37,000 deaths each year >cause an additional 2.35 million injuries >be the cause of nearly 1,600 children under age 15 >cost the US 230.6 billion per year, or an average of $820 per person. >be the greatest annual cause of death of healthy US citizens >be automobile >pic unrelated

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Anon isn't happy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)08:38:52 No.853299416 >dont be me >i dont even wanna be me 170 KB PNG 6 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/30/21 (Fri)08:55:08 No.853300243 >>853299416 (OP) # I love being unhappy >>853300726 #
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)08:38:52 No.853299416 >dont be me >i dont even wanna be me 170 KB PNG 6 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/30/21 (Fri)08:55:08 No.853300243 >>853299416 (OP) # I love being unhappy >>853300726 #

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Anon does a little trolling | /r/Greentext

>be about 9-10 years old >little cousin is sleeping in bed. (He's at my house.) >think it'd be funny to fart on his head. >pull down my pants and lower my ass over his face >fart >realize it isn't a fart >liquid s--- pours out of my ass onto his face >he waked up, snorting my s--- up his nose >he vomits EVERYWHERE >i flee the scene like some scat version of The Phantom of the Opera >He runs downstairs crying and gagging >hear mum scream >hide under bed >still s------- myself under the bed. In small quirts >mfw mum found me.
>be about 9-10 years old >little cousin is sleeping in bed. (He's at my house.) >think it'd be funny to fart on his head. >pull down my pants and lower my ass over his face >fart >realize it isn't a fart >liquid s--- pours out of my ass onto his face >he waked up, snorting my s--- up his nose >he vomits EVERYWHERE >i flee the scene like some scat version of The Phantom of the Opera >He runs downstairs crying and gagging >hear mum scream >hide under bed >still s------- myself under the bed. In small quirts >mfw mum found me.

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Anon Exercises his Free Will | /r/Greentext


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It follows | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)09:20:20 No.63452988 >pass mother and toddler >smile warmly at the toddler >it starts crying 13 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)09:20:20 No.63452988 >pass mother and toddler >smile warmly at the toddler >it starts crying 13 KB JPG

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You know the rules | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)13:56:23 No.63450782 >sister's kids start screaming and get violent if she takes away their ipad lol why would anyone have kids in this day and age? 14 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)18:08:56 No.63452662 >>63450782 (OP) # >why would anyone have kids in this day and age? to take away their ipad 285 KB PNG
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)13:56:23 No.63450782 >sister's kids start screaming and get violent if she takes away their ipad lol why would anyone have kids in this day and age? 14 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)18:08:56 No.63452662 >>63450782 (OP) # >why would anyone have kids in this day and age? to take away their ipad 285 KB PNG

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Anon lives in eastern europe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)12:36:06 No.63451305 >slavshit >life gets better i droped alcohol tobacoo isolation is helping me save a ton of money >saving up money to move to the west 350 KB PNG >Granma breaks her hip and i spend the savings on that >Go to church for perpective >After a lession preist tell me the story of a chink villiger and his luck >Rethinking my plans now >Might even continue the it college Thank god i live in europe i cant imagine in how much s--- id be in if this was america
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)12:36:06 No.63451305 >slavshit >life gets better i droped alcohol tobacoo isolation is helping me save a ton of money >saving up money to move to the west 350 KB PNG >Granma breaks her hip and i spend the savings on that >Go to church for perpective >After a lession preist tell me the story of a chink villiger and his luck >Rethinking my plans now >Might even continue the it college Thank god i live in europe i cant imagine in how much s--- id be in if this was america

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Ooh la la, that coom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)14:06:00 No.150223771 bab093c.png 1.39 MB PNG >Movie night with friends >We choose rotj >See slave girl >Gets boner >Go to bathroom to try to hide it >Hear Oola begging >Coom in friends bathroom >Return and enjoy the film
: Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)14:06:00 No.150223771 bab093c.png 1.39 MB PNG >Movie night with friends >We choose rotj >See slave girl >Gets boner >Go to bathroom to try to hide it >Hear Oola begging >Coom in friends bathroom >Return and enjoy the film

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