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Anon tried to be funny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)19:34:48 No.63132661 >Be me, 13 years old. >Be going through a "I'M SO RANDOM LOL XD" phase. >Have a 18-19 year old brother. >His friend is at our house and we are in the kitchen. 1.24 MB PNG >Notice fridge decoration (pic related). >Have bright idea. >Try to be funny and grab its head and pull it to its crotch area and say "guyse I'm going to suck my own d--- XDD SLURP SLURP SLURP!!!" >They stare at me in awkward silence. >His friend asks my brother "Where did he learn this?" >My brother says "I don't know." He looks really disappointed. >l just stay in silence looking at them. >They walk away. >Never try to be funny ever again. This happened 8 years ago and I still think about it sometimes. Share some cringe moments you had so I can stop thinking about it.
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)19:34:48 No.63132661 >Be me, 13 years old. >Be going through a "I'M SO RANDOM LOL XD" phase. >Have a 18-19 year old brother. >His friend is at our house and we are in the kitchen. 1.24 MB PNG >Notice fridge decoration (pic related). >Have bright idea. >Try to be funny and grab its head and pull it to its crotch area and say "guyse I'm going to suck my own d--- XDD SLURP SLURP SLURP!!!" >They stare at me in awkward silence. >His friend asks my brother "Where did he learn this?" >My brother says "I don't know." He looks really disappointed. >l just stay in silence looking at them. >They walk away. >Never try to be funny ever again. This happened 8 years ago and I still think about it sometimes. Share some cringe moments you had so I can stop thinking about it.

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Anon is a serial shitter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)12:50:27 No.850975316 >Be me >Sophomore year in college >Periodically s--- in the top tank of toilets at fraternity and sorority houses during parties >Word spreading around campus about a "serial s------" 77 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)12:55:14 No.850975586 So it's been you at UVA m-----------?
: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)12:50:27 No.850975316 >Be me >Sophomore year in college >Periodically s--- in the top tank of toilets at fraternity and sorority houses during parties >Word spreading around campus about a "serial s------" 77 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)12:55:14 No.850975586 So it's been you at UVA m-----------?

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I bet he was looking forward to that | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)11:12:02 No.851665473 >>851665687 >>851665997 >>851666243 >>851666422 >be prince phillip >die at age 99 >missed out on 100th birthday >don't even get a card from the queen Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)11:16:32 No.851665E File: 1928398391833.png (657 KB, 660x586) >>851665473 (OP) Include me in the screencap!
Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)11:12:02 No.851665473 >>851665687 >>851665997 >>851666243 >>851666422 >be prince phillip >die at age 99 >missed out on 100th birthday >don't even get a card from the queen Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)11:16:32 No.851665E File: 1928398391833.png (657 KB, 660x586) >>851665473 (OP) Include me in the screencap!

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Old legend | /r/Greentext

/b/ Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)02:19:59 No.851715744 Greentext time >be me >be 12 years old >watch Nightmare on Elm Street >freddy is kinda cool 1.71 MB JPG >want to be like him >ask grandma to knit me a Freddy sweater >she fulfills my wish >knits for a week >finally finishes sweater and it's awesome. Red/Green just like the original >wear it in school the next day >everybody laughs >ashamed.jpg >tell Grandma I don't want sweater anymore >grandma disappointed >now she wears it. Also in public >tells me people are always smiling at her when she's wearing it
/b/ Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)02:19:59 No.851715744 Greentext time >be me >be 12 years old >watch Nightmare on Elm Street >freddy is kinda cool 1.71 MB JPG >want to be like him >ask grandma to knit me a Freddy sweater >she fulfills my wish >knits for a week >finally finishes sweater and it's awesome. Red/Green just like the original >wear it in school the next day >everybody laughs >ashamed.jpg >tell Grandma I don't want sweater anymore >grandma disappointed >now she wears it. Also in public >tells me people are always smiling at her when she's wearing it

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Anon has no homies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/14/19(Sun)17:22:06 No.797410576 >*tips beanie* >m'homie 57 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/14/19(Sun)17:22:06 No.797410576 >*tips beanie* >m'homie 57 KB JPG

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Mood swings | /r/Greentext

Ivl Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)20:53:25 No.551332978 >ask friend if he wants to play X game with me. >he says no, not in mood. >10 minutes later I see him and my other friends playing the game without me. 318 KB PNG >l have never been invited to play a game with any of my friends before.
Ivl Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)20:53:25 No.551332978 >ask friend if he wants to play X game with me. >he says no, not in mood. >10 minutes later I see him and my other friends playing the game without me. 318 KB PNG >l have never been invited to play a game with any of my friends before.

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Anon is strong | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 03/02/21(Tue)01:47:02 No.60120631 File: 72a75deb3d4406e2ee1d39f83(...).jpg (38 KB, 550x550) >>60120800 > l'll start, happened last week >be new lifter, first time in gym >no idea what im doing >no idea what i can lift >decide to try and squat heavy >go to squat rack >load up many plates on the bar >attempt to get under and lift bar >felt like i was pushing a brick wall >give up on that idea and start unloading bar >unload all the plates off one side only first >bar tips over and flies off squat rack >bar hits into mirror, smashes it >whole gym stops and looks at me >run out of gym and cry in my car >never return >mfw
O Anonymous 03/02/21(Tue)01:47:02 No.60120631 File: 72a75deb3d4406e2ee1d39f83(...).jpg (38 KB, 550x550) >>60120800 > l'll start, happened last week >be new lifter, first time in gym >no idea what im doing >no idea what i can lift >decide to try and squat heavy >go to squat rack >load up many plates on the bar >attempt to get under and lift bar >felt like i was pushing a brick wall >give up on that idea and start unloading bar >unload all the plates off one side only first >bar tips over and flies off squat rack >bar hits into mirror, smashes it >whole gym stops and looks at me >run out of gym and cry in my car >never return >mfw

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Anon hosts Egg Day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)17:21:50 No.851708382 >be me >10th grade surer. >autist spaz but people somehow liked it >be really good at making egg stuff >decide to host a party that i called "egg day!!" >did not realize actual egg day is june 3 World Egg Day 2020 364 KB PNG >invite friends to egg day!! >about 8 confirmed >realize i cannot comprehend how much of each ingredient i need >freak out >but like 10 dozen eggs and a bunch of random produce and meat >the day comes >people show up, happy >realize i can make food for, at most, 4 people at a time >realize i didn't boil or devil any eggs >people want the ingredient i did not think to buy, hot реppers >think to myself "i really made a clown of myself here" >didn't matter >people still had fun >people still enjoyed egg day!! >egg day!! happened 7 years ago today >how did you spend your egg day!!?
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)17:21:50 No.851708382 >be me >10th grade surer. >autist spaz but people somehow liked it >be really good at making egg stuff >decide to host a party that i called "egg day!!" >did not realize actual egg day is june 3 World Egg Day 2020 364 KB PNG >invite friends to egg day!! >about 8 confirmed >realize i cannot comprehend how much of each ingredient i need >freak out >but like 10 dozen eggs and a bunch of random produce and meat >the day comes >people show up, happy >realize i can make food for, at most, 4 people at a time >realize i didn't boil or devil any eggs >people want the ingredient i did not think to buy, hot реppers >think to myself "i really made a clown of myself here" >didn't matter >people still had fun >people still enjoyed egg day!! >egg day!! happened 7 years ago today >how did you spend your egg day!!?

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Anon questions redditors. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)23:27:06 No.851720602 >go on reddit >sort by popular >someone posted a news article that won't matter in a couple months >didn't add anything, didn't create anything, just timed submitting a 319 KB PNG news article >38 unique reddit user awards >count of reddit awards displayed prominently on post as they come in >realize someone saw 37 total awards had been given to the post >someone still spent $4.99 to give a 38th award >mfw
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)23:27:06 No.851720602 >go on reddit >sort by popular >someone posted a news article that won't matter in a couple months >didn't add anything, didn't create anything, just timed submitting a 319 KB PNG news article >38 unique reddit user awards >count of reddit awards displayed prominently on post as they come in >realize someone saw 37 total awards had been given to the post >someone still spent $4.99 to give a 38th award >mfw

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Anon fights capitalism | /r/Greentext

: Petrol 04/09/21(Fri)17:23:48 No.63131741 >be me >horny 15yo >post benis on PornHub >3 years later problem? >PornHub sets a new rule that only allows verified posters to post stuff like that just because 185 KB PNG of my benis >tfw crippled a 1.5 billion $ company just by posting one j------- photo of my underage benis >>63131887 #
: Petrol 04/09/21(Fri)17:23:48 No.63131741 >be me >horny 15yo >post benis on PornHub >3 years later problem? >PornHub sets a new rule that only allows verified posters to post stuff like that just because 185 KB PNG of my benis >tfw crippled a 1.5 billion $ company just by posting one j------- photo of my underage benis >>63131887 #

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Anon gets Reddit'd | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/21 (Fri)11:17:12 No.844890355 >Be me >Want to make a post on 4chan >Make a nice wholesome story about my dad >Spend long time on it to make sure that it's good >Post my art 61 KB JPG >Some reddit normie sees this >He smells the karma and posts it in r/greentexts >He gets hundreds of upvotes from my hardwork >Mfw Why are redditers like this, Anons? They're probably going to see this thread and post it for karma. I see you, reddit.
: Anonymous 01/15/21 (Fri)11:17:12 No.844890355 >Be me >Want to make a post on 4chan >Make a nice wholesome story about my dad >Spend long time on it to make sure that it's good >Post my art 61 KB JPG >Some reddit normie sees this >He smells the karma and posts it in r/greentexts >He gets hundreds of upvotes from my hardwork >Mfw Why are redditers like this, Anons? They're probably going to see this thread and post it for karma. I see you, reddit.

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Anon found us out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)01:47:45 No.851702021 >be me, high school f-- >in class we have a f--- ton of girls, ranging from 6/10 to 11/10 >one of them has caught my interest for a while now >roughly 7/10 if you ask others, for me its a 10/10 >glasses, brown hair, somewhat 10 KB JPG same height as me >assume shes as much as a social outcast as i am, neither of us have a friend circle to belong into >decide to try and talk to her >suddenly burp before i can even say anything >she and the whole class bursts out laughing I hate school so much, i get bullied by these f------ everyday about this. But suddenly.. >be r/greentext reposter >see my story, chuckle while uploading a decreased quality screenshot to the reddit hivemind >type with hairy ass cheecks "anon tries to talk to the shy girl" and click upload And now.. >be you >redditfag >you see my 4chan story on r/greentext >you start snorting like the pig you are while reviewing my story >you reach with your grease-covered thumb for the upvote button, and you type a paragraph of what i did wrong So, hows your day, fellow non redditors?
: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)01:47:45 No.851702021 >be me, high school f-- >in class we have a f--- ton of girls, ranging from 6/10 to 11/10 >one of them has caught my interest for a while now >roughly 7/10 if you ask others, for me its a 10/10 >glasses, brown hair, somewhat 10 KB JPG same height as me >assume shes as much as a social outcast as i am, neither of us have a friend circle to belong into >decide to try and talk to her >suddenly burp before i can even say anything >she and the whole class bursts out laughing I hate school so much, i get bullied by these f------ everyday about this. But suddenly.. >be r/greentext reposter >see my story, chuckle while uploading a decreased quality screenshot to the reddit hivemind >type with hairy ass cheecks "anon tries to talk to the shy girl" and click upload And now.. >be you >redditfag >you see my 4chan story on r/greentext >you start snorting like the pig you are while reviewing my story >you reach with your grease-covered thumb for the upvote button, and you type a paragraph of what i did wrong So, hows your day, fellow non redditors?

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Anon ridicules Prince Philip | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)22:30:00 No.851693529 > be Prince Philip > be a loading bar > going through life fine > oops car crash > pause loading.jpg > get out of hospital and keep loading life > 99% complete 289 KB JPG > Error 404: life not found Imao not even king
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)22:30:00 No.851693529 > be Prince Philip > be a loading bar > going through life fine > oops car crash > pause loading.jpg > get out of hospital and keep loading life > 99% complete 289 KB JPG > Error 404: life not found Imao not even king

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Anon is retarded | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)22:08:11 No.63135418 >started trading hentai pictures on whatsapp with my moms boyfriend again >she actually found out about it because she looked at his 47 KB JPG whatsapp chat for some f------ reason im not gonna lie, this feels really awkward
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)22:08:11 No.63135418 >started trading hentai pictures on whatsapp with my moms boyfriend again >she actually found out about it because she looked at his 47 KB JPG whatsapp chat for some f------ reason im not gonna lie, this feels really awkward

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Anon fell for the meme | /r/Greentext

>be me >from Alabama >decide l'm gonna f--- my hot ass sister >go to her room butt ass naked at 11 at night >"what're you doing anon?" >we'regonnafuck.jpg >she freaks out and tells me to leave 423,6 kB PNG >mom and dad told me I have to move out the next morning You guys said it was ok to duck your sister in Alabama Why did you f------ lie to me?
>be me >from Alabama >decide l'm gonna f--- my hot ass sister >go to her room butt ass naked at 11 at night >"what're you doing anon?" >we'regonnafuck.jpg >she freaks out and tells me to leave 423,6 kB PNG >mom and dad told me I have to move out the next morning You guys said it was ok to duck your sister in Alabama Why did you f------ lie to me?

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alpha af | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Sat 28 Dec 2019 14:14:17 No.817176079 View Quoted By: >>817176124 >>817176178 > On the train to London > Really need to fart > Starting to hurt a bit > Starting to hurt a lot > Train shakes a little, want get up to go to the bathroom before I f------ burst > Don't get the chance, my sphincter can no longer take the strain > Manage to discreetly edge my buttcheeks apart, comes out slowly but silently > Pass gas for a Solid 60 seconds > Oh no > Oh god the f------ smell > People are looking at each other > It's really f------ bad. > enemyspotted.jpeg > A foreign smell impacts my nostrils > The dude opposite me is staring me right in the eyes > He f------ knows, and ripped one of his own > It's f------ on > Spread the cheeks a little wider, much as I dare > Push > Clearly and loudly s--- myself staring into the eyes of a complete stranger. What's your commute like /b/?
Anonymous Sat 28 Dec 2019 14:14:17 No.817176079 View Quoted By: >>817176124 >>817176178 > On the train to London > Really need to fart > Starting to hurt a bit > Starting to hurt a lot > Train shakes a little, want get up to go to the bathroom before I f------ burst > Don't get the chance, my sphincter can no longer take the strain > Manage to discreetly edge my buttcheeks apart, comes out slowly but silently > Pass gas for a Solid 60 seconds > Oh no > Oh god the f------ smell > People are looking at each other > It's really f------ bad. > enemyspotted.jpeg > A foreign smell impacts my nostrils > The dude opposite me is staring me right in the eyes > He f------ knows, and ripped one of his own > It's f------ on > Spread the cheeks a little wider, much as I dare > Push > Clearly and loudly s--- myself staring into the eyes of a complete stranger. What's your commute like /b/?

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Anon is living the good life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)17:36:30 No.63131917 >feeling down >take massive s--- VOLINERE NEVS >feel better life is easy 216 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)17:36:30 No.63131917 >feeling down >take massive s--- VOLINERE NEVS >feel better life is easy 216 KB JPG

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Anon hates redundancy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)16:15:46 No.63130968 >rightclicked open in new tab for a link that would have opened in a new tab from a left click anyway 37 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)16:15:46 No.63130968 >rightclicked open in new tab for a link that would have opened in a new tab from a left click anyway 37 KB JPG

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Anon daydreams about being socially responsible | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)10:05:56 No.851682416 be me 19 year-old kissless virgin >doing a internship at a hospital >working with 7/10 qt3.14 >she's a bit older than me but still looks cute in the scrubs >seems cool when we're in a group but gets weird when it's just the two of us 153 KB JPG >gets clumsy >laughs at every f------ thing I say even if I don't mean to make a joke >winks repeatedly >touches my hands/hair/whatever all the f------ time (despite COVID) Is this girl f------ retarded?
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)10:05:56 No.851682416 be me 19 year-old kissless virgin >doing a internship at a hospital >working with 7/10 qt3.14 >she's a bit older than me but still looks cute in the scrubs >seems cool when we're in a group but gets weird when it's just the two of us 153 KB JPG >gets clumsy >laughs at every f------ thing I say even if I don't mean to make a joke >winks repeatedly >touches my hands/hair/whatever all the f------ time (despite COVID) Is this girl f------ retarded?

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Anon likes his job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)11:39:12 No.803525737 >Be me >cart pusher at ikea >8 hour shift >working hard >38 degree celsius >the sun is burning me >f------ exhausted and 78 KB JPG depressed >feel something poking me >it's a kid >max 4 years old >"Sir, can I have this cart please" >l smile >"of course , buddy" >he thanks me and runs with it towards his mom >my day is suddenly slightly better >finish shift >go back home >j-------, thinking about the little kid >sleep I like my job
: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)11:39:12 No.803525737 >Be me >cart pusher at ikea >8 hour shift >working hard >38 degree celsius >the sun is burning me >f------ exhausted and 78 KB JPG depressed >feel something poking me >it's a kid >max 4 years old >"Sir, can I have this cart please" >l smile >"of course , buddy" >he thanks me and runs with it towards his mom >my day is suddenly slightly better >finish shift >go back home >j-------, thinking about the little kid >sleep I like my job

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