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Anon tries to make his girlfriend hapoy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/19/21(Tue)20:36:54 No.845257423 >girlfriend won't stop crying because she got an abortion >get tired of hearing her s-- >go to clinic and dig out fetus from dumpster >glue googly eyes on it >walk in with it while saying 'mom 232 KB PNG im home' >she cries even harder Jesus, nothing makes this baby killer happy
: Anonymous 01/19/21(Tue)20:36:54 No.845257423 >girlfriend won't stop crying because she got an abortion >get tired of hearing her s-- >go to clinic and dig out fetus from dumpster >glue googly eyes on it >walk in with it while saying 'mom 232 KB PNG im home' >she cries even harder Jesus, nothing makes this baby killer happy

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Anon is not very patriotic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: DnxktxSt 04/06/21(Tue)15:12:39 No.315435084 >Be from New Zealand Whangarei >Can't even pronounce name of own country >Nyoowr Zealand >Can't even pronounce most words of the english language Hamitan Kotarja Taurangn Gintorne Ner astings amersten North Wenganu Nelkon Gha Wellington NEW ZEALAND Catchureh timaru bunedin cargill Pacitic Ocean 140 KB PNG >Afraid of the flu >Afraid of China >Afraid of New World Order >Guy shoots up mosques >Throw away gun rights because afraid >One of the first countries to sign on to beeld beck betah >Aspires to be cool like neighbor Australia >Can't even hang What is the worst country and why is it new zealand
: Anonymous (ID: DnxktxSt 04/06/21(Tue)15:12:39 No.315435084 >Be from New Zealand Whangarei >Can't even pronounce name of own country >Nyoowr Zealand >Can't even pronounce most words of the english language Hamitan Kotarja Taurangn Gintorne Ner astings amersten North Wenganu Nelkon Gha Wellington NEW ZEALAND Catchureh timaru bunedin cargill Pacitic Ocean 140 KB PNG >Afraid of the flu >Afraid of China >Afraid of New World Order >Guy shoots up mosques >Throw away gun rights because afraid >One of the first countries to sign on to beeld beck betah >Aspires to be cool like neighbor Australia >Can't even hang What is the worst country and why is it new zealand

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Anon is a fish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:59:15 No.84751 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:59:15 No.84751 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG

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Anon ups his trolling game | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)06:35:57 No.63109175 >Youtube finally had enough of my s--- and completely shadowbanned me from using any kind of profanity or verbal abuse in the comments. >Adapt to it. >Somehow trolling normies without using any kind of profanity gets me LOL BUITHURT 9 KB JPG 10 times more butthurt replies than when I was calling them f------ and n------. What is this sorcery?
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)06:35:57 No.63109175 >Youtube finally had enough of my s--- and completely shadowbanned me from using any kind of profanity or verbal abuse in the comments. >Adapt to it. >Somehow trolling normies without using any kind of profanity gets me LOL BUITHURT 9 KB JPG 10 times more butthurt replies than when I was calling them f------ and n------. What is this sorcery?

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Anon plays Mafia 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)12:09:14 No.63110295 >Be me >15 at the time >Little to no irl friends >No gf >Just got Mafia 2 >l am immediately interested in Joe Barbaro 93 KB JPG >Start copying his voice, mannerisms, language, and looks. >l basically start wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a leather jacket and jeans and acting like a stereotypical New Jersey or New York guy. >l'm also interested by classic cars due to Mafia 2 >Save up enough money to get a Karmann Ghia >get a s--- ton of friends >Somehow get an average looking gf >Get my first bj in spring >Get laid sometime during summer >Mfw Joe Barbaro got me laid
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)12:09:14 No.63110295 >Be me >15 at the time >Little to no irl friends >No gf >Just got Mafia 2 >l am immediately interested in Joe Barbaro 93 KB JPG >Start copying his voice, mannerisms, language, and looks. >l basically start wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a leather jacket and jeans and acting like a stereotypical New Jersey or New York guy. >l'm also interested by classic cars due to Mafia 2 >Save up enough money to get a Karmann Ghia >get a s--- ton of friends >Somehow get an average looking gf >Get my first bj in spring >Get laid sometime during summer >Mfw Joe Barbaro got me laid

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anon has a smoothie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous did my gf poison me 04/07/21(Wed)16:37:09 No.63104137 >be yesterday, playing vidya >gf says 'im making a smoothie, want one?" >bit weird... shes never made me one before, but okay >drink it over the course of 5min 373 KB PNG >gf comes back, surprised I drank it all >keeps asking how it tasted, did I like it, do I want another one >she leaves to run an errand >20min go by, my stomach is now completed nauseated >pain is 9/10, never had stomach pain like this before in my life >im curled in the fetal position, seconds away from dialing 911 >end up violently vomiting 4 times into a nearby bowl >having whole-body convulsions for 90 seconds afterward, like a f------ exorcism >theres a big grey streak in the vomit bowl, the last thing I dry-heaved up >gf comes back, I ask her w-- was in that smoothie because I just puked >'oh just some whey protein, raspberries, blueberries, hemp hearts' >anything else??? >'i put some collagen in mine, maybe i put some in yours too, i cant remember' >she seems unbothered by it, almost like she didnt believe i threw up
: Anonymous did my gf poison me 04/07/21(Wed)16:37:09 No.63104137 >be yesterday, playing vidya >gf says 'im making a smoothie, want one?" >bit weird... shes never made me one before, but okay >drink it over the course of 5min 373 KB PNG >gf comes back, surprised I drank it all >keeps asking how it tasted, did I like it, do I want another one >she leaves to run an errand >20min go by, my stomach is now completed nauseated >pain is 9/10, never had stomach pain like this before in my life >im curled in the fetal position, seconds away from dialing 911 >end up violently vomiting 4 times into a nearby bowl >having whole-body convulsions for 90 seconds afterward, like a f------ exorcism >theres a big grey streak in the vomit bowl, the last thing I dry-heaved up >gf comes back, I ask her w-- was in that smoothie because I just puked >'oh just some whey protein, raspberries, blueberries, hemp hearts' >anything else??? >'i put some collagen in mine, maybe i put some in yours too, i cant remember' >she seems unbothered by it, almost like she didnt believe i threw up

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Anon has predicted the future | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)22:36:34 No.851564742 story time /b/ >be me >9 years old >get Xbox 360 with kinect >create profile 1.62 MB GIF >create avatar >think to myself >what would my dad look like >think for a solid hour >start designing avatar >takes 2 hours >finish >Avatar has full beard >sunglasses >biker gloves >leather jacket >boots >is midly fat >complete >half a year passes >meet dad for first time >explains he is in an MC >visit his house >see biker gloves >leather jacket >sunglasses >Dad is a mildly fat >have fun and go back to grandma house >boot on Xbox >play Red Faction Gurrella >pause >open avatar screen >see that avatar is exactly like dad >mfw I predicted what my dad would look and be like 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)22:36:34 No.851564742 story time /b/ >be me >9 years old >get Xbox 360 with kinect >create profile 1.62 MB GIF >create avatar >think to myself >what would my dad look like >think for a solid hour >start designing avatar >takes 2 hours >finish >Avatar has full beard >sunglasses >biker gloves >leather jacket >boots >is midly fat >complete >half a year passes >meet dad for first time >explains he is in an MC >visit his house >see biker gloves >leather jacket >sunglasses >Dad is a mildly fat >have fun and go back to grandma house >boot on Xbox >play Red Faction Gurrella >pause >open avatar screen >see that avatar is exactly like dad >mfw I predicted what my dad would look and be like 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon goes to a con | /r/Greentext

>> Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)13:01:06 No.851443064 >>851441504 (OP) >Be me >Don't shower for a month >Go to Comic Con >Don't shower for another week >Place 108th in Smash Tournament
>> Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)13:01:06 No.851443064 >>851441504 (OP) >Be me >Don't shower for a month >Go to Comic Con >Don't shower for another week >Place 108th in Smash Tournament

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Anon speaks to a qt | /r/Greentext

21:01 A /b/851562705 Anonymous 0 minutes ago 851562705 > Be me, 29 year old > Buying new clothes at a department store > qt 8/10 employee approaches me while l'm browsing > "Hi there! Do you need help finding anything?" > Tell her no, but we chat for a bit > Kinda nervous in front of her, but I can hold a conversation so I'm not completely retarded (or soI thought) > She seems nice, I think I'll ask her out > "Hey so I think you're really cute! Do you want to grab coffee together sometime?" > "Uhmmmmm.." > Panic sets in, try to play it off cool > "You can give your answer like you're swiping on Tinder if it makes it easier!" > She laughs... and then waves her hand left > F--- > My face starts getting super red, I know it. I try to save whatever dignity I have left so I turn around and speed walk to the exit >I turn around as I'm heading out and qt looks super confused/sad > Whatever, f--- that bitch > 3 days later, l'm in the shower contemplating my life choices when I realize > She didn't swipe left > She swiped right, but I was opposite her so it looked like she was swiping left from my POV II
21:01 A /b/851562705 Anonymous 0 minutes ago 851562705 > Be me, 29 year old > Buying new clothes at a department store > qt 8/10 employee approaches me while l'm browsing > "Hi there! Do you need help finding anything?" > Tell her no, but we chat for a bit > Kinda nervous in front of her, but I can hold a conversation so I'm not completely retarded (or soI thought) > She seems nice, I think I'll ask her out > "Hey so I think you're really cute! Do you want to grab coffee together sometime?" > "Uhmmmmm.." > Panic sets in, try to play it off cool > "You can give your answer like you're swiping on Tinder if it makes it easier!" > She laughs... and then waves her hand left > F--- > My face starts getting super red, I know it. I try to save whatever dignity I have left so I turn around and speed walk to the exit >I turn around as I'm heading out and qt looks super confused/sad > Whatever, f--- that bitch > 3 days later, l'm in the shower contemplating my life choices when I realize > She didn't swipe left > She swiped right, but I was opposite her so it looked like she was swiping left from my POV II

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Anon gatekeeps /r9k/ | /r/Greentext

File: maxresdefault.jpg (151 KB, 1700x900) Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)01:08:42 No.63095082 ► >63095191 >>63095234 >>63095235 >>63095389 >my gf does that all the time f--- you >muh ex girlfriend and die >my wife isn't like that- kys >just got a date f--- off >just lost my virginity gtfo >hey guys! lost my virginity last year but we had a bad break up so l'm back! end yourself >just cheated on muh gf don't care >hey pal, l'm average looking and 6'1 and I got a girl so stop being bitter commit seppuku >we'll all make it not all of us >I'm 40 and I turned it all around this year! a little too late >just got a job that pays 70k a year, saved 15k investin' in stocks and gettin looks from ladies now hope you become infertile and your wife leaves you after the inevitable gold digging scam of a marriage If anyone else feels the same there will be hope for this place
File: maxresdefault.jpg (151 KB, 1700x900) Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)01:08:42 No.63095082 ► >63095191 >>63095234 >>63095235 >>63095389 >my gf does that all the time f--- you >muh ex girlfriend and die >my wife isn't like that- kys >just got a date f--- off >just lost my virginity gtfo >hey guys! lost my virginity last year but we had a bad break up so l'm back! end yourself >just cheated on muh gf don't care >hey pal, l'm average looking and 6'1 and I got a girl so stop being bitter commit seppuku >we'll all make it not all of us >I'm 40 and I turned it all around this year! a little too late >just got a job that pays 70k a year, saved 15k investin' in stocks and gettin looks from ladies now hope you become infertile and your wife leaves you after the inevitable gold digging scam of a marriage If anyone else feels the same there will be hope for this place

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Stick at it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)14:46:48 No.142596970 >He has a driver's license >Can't drive stick Do western countries unironically do this 58 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/06/21 (Tue)14:49:57 No.142597147 >>142596970 (OP) # >bribed 50$ for a driving license >never touch a stirring wheel in my live
: Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)14:46:48 No.142596970 >He has a driver's license >Can't drive stick Do western countries unironically do this 58 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/06/21 (Tue)14:49:57 No.142597147 >>142596970 (OP) # >bribed 50$ for a driving license >never touch a stirring wheel in my live

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Anon wears a beanie | /r/Greentext

: Anon 04/07/21(Wed)18:13:35 No.63107069 >Be me >7th grade >Wears beanie to school because autism >Ffw to lunch >All my friends are at choir so there's only two boys in class, me being one of them >The other boy is this retard nobody likes 144 KB JPG named Zach >Zach tries to be funny and steal my beanie >I'm not having any of it >Start chasing Zach around class and eventually catch up to him > Decide to push him >Mfw he slams his head on the teachers desk >Starts crying like a little bitch >Grab my beanie and leave for the bathroom F----- deserved it
: Anon 04/07/21(Wed)18:13:35 No.63107069 >Be me >7th grade >Wears beanie to school because autism >Ffw to lunch >All my friends are at choir so there's only two boys in class, me being one of them >The other boy is this retard nobody likes 144 KB JPG named Zach >Zach tries to be funny and steal my beanie >I'm not having any of it >Start chasing Zach around class and eventually catch up to him > Decide to push him >Mfw he slams his head on the teachers desk >Starts crying like a little bitch >Grab my beanie and leave for the bathroom F----- deserved it

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Delivered to you fresh, straight from /b/ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)02:35:44 No.851553453 pepe what.jpg 8 KB JPG Greentext time >Be me, a few weeks ago >Taking public transit and walking home because truck is in auto shop >Walking behind this one person >They turn around, 1/10, short, fat, man hating boner killing feminist stops and looks right at me with a face like I was gonna f------ r--- her. >Walk past her without making eye contact >Glance at shadows and she starts walking while muttering "yeah keep walking" What in gods name am I going to do to you, we are walking past a busy street at 4 in the afternoon. Most guys wouldn't even shoot you because it'd be considered a waste of ammunition.
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)02:35:44 No.851553453 pepe what.jpg 8 KB JPG Greentext time >Be me, a few weeks ago >Taking public transit and walking home because truck is in auto shop >Walking behind this one person >They turn around, 1/10, short, fat, man hating boner killing feminist stops and looks right at me with a face like I was gonna f------ r--- her. >Walk past her without making eye contact >Glance at shadows and she starts walking while muttering "yeah keep walking" What in gods name am I going to do to you, we are walking past a busy street at 4 in the afternoon. Most guys wouldn't even shoot you because it'd be considered a waste of ammunition.

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anon finds a grandpa | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)13:31:05 No.850977444 >grandfather died before I was born >grandma lived a state away >never got to experience growing up with grandparents >eventually move out on my own >neighbors are an old couple >start getting to know them better 471 KB JPG >spend my days off with them >cook meals with the wife, share recipes >husband helps me with hobby projects, work on our cars together >feels like I finally have grandparents >leaving for work today >talk with the husband before I leave >"you have a good day at work, love you buddy" >love you too grandpa >mfw
: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)13:31:05 No.850977444 >grandfather died before I was born >grandma lived a state away >never got to experience growing up with grandparents >eventually move out on my own >neighbors are an old couple >start getting to know them better 471 KB JPG >spend my days off with them >cook meals with the wife, share recipes >husband helps me with hobby projects, work on our cars together >feels like I finally have grandparents >leaving for work today >talk with the husband before I leave >"you have a good day at work, love you buddy" >love you too grandpa >mfw

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Anon orders pizza | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)21:05:14 No.851529436 >>851528544 >hungry and high >think dominoes would be a good idea >order a small pizza and a drink >wait >order arrives, driver is some n---- named abdul >i hand him the money and a 30% tip cuz im having a nice night >go inside >open box >half eaten, wrong order f------ sand n------
: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)21:05:14 No.851529436 >>851528544 >hungry and high >think dominoes would be a good idea >order a small pizza and a drink >wait >order arrives, driver is some n---- named abdul >i hand him the money and a 30% tip cuz im having a nice night >go inside >open box >half eaten, wrong order f------ sand n------

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Anon sees a ghost | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)14:04:10 No.28152324 >looking at Twitter late at night >accidentally drop my phone behind my bed >have to climb under my bed to get it back >lodge myself under the bed so I can reach it 150 KB PNG >grab it, mission accomplished > turn around so I can get out from under the bed >see a pair of feet standing on the other end of my room >as soon as I see them they quickly walk off >don't hear my door open or close (and it's really loud because I hang a bunch of stuff from the handle) >finally climb out >nobody in my room >my entire family has been asleep for hours >what the f--- Who the f--- was it 8 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)14:04:10 No.28152324 >looking at Twitter late at night >accidentally drop my phone behind my bed >have to climb under my bed to get it back >lodge myself under the bed so I can reach it 150 KB PNG >grab it, mission accomplished > turn around so I can get out from under the bed >see a pair of feet standing on the other end of my room >as soon as I see them they quickly walk off >don't hear my door open or close (and it's really loud because I hang a bunch of stuff from the handle) >finally climb out >nobody in my room >my entire family has been asleep for hours >what the f--- Who the f--- was it 8 Replies View Thread

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Anon wants to end it all | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)12:09:40 No.63034762 >19 >talking to girl who does onlyfans in my neighborhood >sucks d--- for money sometimes >wanna get my first b------ >we meet up >we smoke weed and talk for a bit 507 KB PNG >l start to pull out the money and she stops me >"You're just so nice Anon, I wanna be friends with you, so sucking your d--- feels wrong." i can't believe i got friendzoned by a prostitute what the f--- is wrong with me
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)12:09:40 No.63034762 >19 >talking to girl who does onlyfans in my neighborhood >sucks d--- for money sometimes >wanna get my first b------ >we meet up >we smoke weed and talk for a bit 507 KB PNG >l start to pull out the money and she stops me >"You're just so nice Anon, I wanna be friends with you, so sucking your d--- feels wrong." i can't believe i got friendzoned by a prostitute what the f--- is wrong with me

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Anon was an edgelord | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous cringy school stuff 04/07/21(Wed)19:45:37 No.63101006 anyone have any cringy school stories? l'll start >be me >brit anon at private school >think l'm a rebel and want to live 39 KB JPG in the woods >used to shoot rabbits and skin them >tie rabbit skins and rabbit feet to the inside of my school blazer because I think it's cool >show all the girls to upset them >never shower or wash my hair because wild men don't do that >get told repeatedly by teachers to wash my hair/get rid of the rabbits skins >teacher confronts me about the skins and I use the excuse she's wearing cow skin on her feet >I was 15
: Anonymous cringy school stuff 04/07/21(Wed)19:45:37 No.63101006 anyone have any cringy school stories? l'll start >be me >brit anon at private school >think l'm a rebel and want to live 39 KB JPG in the woods >used to shoot rabbits and skin them >tie rabbit skins and rabbit feet to the inside of my school blazer because I think it's cool >show all the girls to upset them >never shower or wash my hair because wild men don't do that >get told repeatedly by teachers to wash my hair/get rid of the rabbits skins >teacher confronts me about the skins and I use the excuse she's wearing cow skin on her feet >I was 15

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Anon is amazed by science-talk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)11:44:51 No.146132037 1611133744187.png 197 KB PNG >why didn't you just blooga the ooga booga? woah...
: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)11:44:51 No.146132037 1611133744187.png 197 KB PNG >why didn't you just blooga the ooga booga? woah...

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anon shops local | /r/Greentext

3h (4/7 5:45) ·60797640 JPG 6KB · (200 × 160) 1 Reply >>60787195 >few years back > work in a bike shop's warehouse > run up and down stairs carrying boxed bikes > unload trucks > build bikes > assist customers > on my feet 8hrs+ a day > cycle 30mins home each way > every lunch I go to the local Polish place > schnitzel the size of your head > chips, salads, coffee or tea > massive slice of bannoffee pie > don't gain an ounce of weight the entire summer
3h (4/7 5:45) ·60797640 JPG 6KB · (200 × 160) 1 Reply >>60787195 >few years back > work in a bike shop's warehouse > run up and down stairs carrying boxed bikes > unload trucks > build bikes > assist customers > on my feet 8hrs+ a day > cycle 30mins home each way > every lunch I go to the local Polish place > schnitzel the size of your head > chips, salads, coffee or tea > massive slice of bannoffee pie > don't gain an ounce of weight the entire summer

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