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Anon makes some cash | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I donated "my" sperm 05/20/21(Thu)09:13:54 No.63754590 >be me, poorfag in college >learn online that you get paid for donating your sperm >go to the clinic to get evaluated >i really need money so i pray to Jesus 9 KB JPG >surprisingly get accepted but can't masturbate anymore because religion >however i have a roomate, he is a 5'3" balding autist, already failing his very first semester >idea.jpeg >give him $10 for his sperm, put it in a sterile test tube >go to the clinic and secretly give in his seed >get paid $50 >mfw 80% profit margin without even breaking my nofap streak >some roastie lesbians are gonna unknowingly get artificially insemenated with superior AUTISM genes mfw
: Anonymous I donated "my" sperm 05/20/21(Thu)09:13:54 No.63754590 >be me, poorfag in college >learn online that you get paid for donating your sperm >go to the clinic to get evaluated >i really need money so i pray to Jesus 9 KB JPG >surprisingly get accepted but can't masturbate anymore because religion >however i have a roomate, he is a 5'3" balding autist, already failing his very first semester >idea.jpeg >give him $10 for his sperm, put it in a sterile test tube >go to the clinic and secretly give in his seed >get paid $50 >mfw 80% profit margin without even breaking my nofap streak >some roastie lesbians are gonna unknowingly get artificially insemenated with superior AUTISM genes mfw

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Anon shoves a gas pistol up his ass | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:22:14 No.63748065 >shove a gas pistol up my ass >fire >it rips my intestines apart >blood, s--- and small bits of flesh (parts of my bowel?) slowly run out my mangled a------ >the pain is incredible Finally, innerpeace. 102 KB PNG >i feel sicker and sleepier every second >finally, inner peace.
: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:22:14 No.63748065 >shove a gas pistol up my ass >fire >it rips my intestines apart >blood, s--- and small bits of flesh (parts of my bowel?) slowly run out my mangled a------ >the pain is incredible Finally, innerpeace. 102 KB PNG >i feel sicker and sleepier every second >finally, inner peace.

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Anon is not slaving away for his employer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)07:04:15 No.63750841 Retail Thread >just worked six days straight eight hour shifts each >had one day off >second day off today and they try to call me into work and left a voicemail 118 KB JPG >pretend i didn't get it >smoke weed instead : Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)07:18:54 No.63750951 Unironically a good choice. I usually pick up the phone but say I'm in a different state. >Yeah it'll be about 4 or so hours till I'm back in state and I got an hours worth of stuff to do here so... Works everytime.
: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)07:04:15 No.63750841 Retail Thread >just worked six days straight eight hour shifts each >had one day off >second day off today and they try to call me into work and left a voicemail 118 KB JPG >pretend i didn't get it >smoke weed instead : Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)07:18:54 No.63750951 Unironically a good choice. I usually pick up the phone but say I'm in a different state. >Yeah it'll be about 4 or so hours till I'm back in state and I got an hours worth of stuff to do here so... Works everytime.

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Anon should’ve seen it coming. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: QPus7kg4) E: Biden's First Executive Order(...) 11/05/20(Thu)00:42:28 No.287653753 >Biden wins the election The C S V >Biden swears his inaugauration oath on something that looks like a Bible >Finishing his oath, he looks to the crowd SKYRIM and then to the cameras >"Now that l'm President"... 6 KB JPG >Amazing! He remembers he is President. >"I have one executive order that I must make..." >Biden tears away at his skin >He's getting shorter with each peel. >w--.jpg >A small 5'4 man appears. It's Todd Howard! >I hope everyone has bought my new game. >He holds up the book he swore his oath on. >It's Skyrim! >ohfuck.png >"| am Tiber Septim and you must all buy my game" >Suddenly, the American flags fall down and the flags of the red Imperial dragon descend on Washington. >"I'm renaming Washington to the Imperial City, and I will conquer the petty kingdoms of the world" What would you do? 12 Replies / 4 Images View Thread : Anonymous (ID: vaMU8kRj) [M 11/05/20(Thu)01:03:34 No.287657433 >>287656484 # Shut the f--- up retard.
: Anonymous (ID: QPus7kg4) E: Biden's First Executive Order(...) 11/05/20(Thu)00:42:28 No.287653753 >Biden wins the election The C S V >Biden swears his inaugauration oath on something that looks like a Bible >Finishing his oath, he looks to the crowd SKYRIM and then to the cameras >"Now that l'm President"... 6 KB JPG >Amazing! He remembers he is President. >"I have one executive order that I must make..." >Biden tears away at his skin >He's getting shorter with each peel. >w--.jpg >A small 5'4 man appears. It's Todd Howard! >I hope everyone has bought my new game. >He holds up the book he swore his oath on. >It's Skyrim! >ohfuck.png >"| am Tiber Septim and you must all buy my game" >Suddenly, the American flags fall down and the flags of the red Imperial dragon descend on Washington. >"I'm renaming Washington to the Imperial City, and I will conquer the petty kingdoms of the world" What would you do? 12 Replies / 4 Images View Thread : Anonymous (ID: vaMU8kRj) [M 11/05/20(Thu)01:03:34 No.287657433 >>287656484 # Shut the f--- up retard.

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anon introduces himself | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)08:07:37 No.854853515 ► File: 1592911384196.png (230 KB, 960x483) >be me, 19 >in college >arrive at college before class started, needed to s--- before first class >get to the bathroom and open the door >prof is in there s-------, door wide open >w--.jpg >stare at each other for a few secs 48 KB JPG >he holds his hand out to close the door >i shake his hand
O Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)08:07:37 No.854853515 ► File: 1592911384196.png (230 KB, 960x483) >be me, 19 >in college >arrive at college before class started, needed to s--- before first class >get to the bathroom and open the door >prof is in there s-------, door wide open >w--.jpg >stare at each other for a few secs 48 KB JPG >he holds his hand out to close the door >i shake his hand

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Kanye West, the only direction. | /r/Greentext

>kanye west replaces zayn in one direction >kanye kicks everyone out of the band >"there's only one direction 51 KB JPG fam" >tfw it's west
>kanye west replaces zayn in one direction >kanye kicks everyone out of the band >"there's only one direction 51 KB JPG fam" >tfw it's west

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Anon is disgusted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)21:18:14 No.854836396 >post nut clarity >completely disgusted by p--- I was watching fml
: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)21:18:14 No.854836396 >post nut clarity >completely disgusted by p--- I was watching fml

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Anon went to the zoo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)21:22:46 No.844438848 >at the zoo >decide to take guided tour since one is about to start >lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins >guy in the background screams 244 KB PNG "YEA WHERE ARE THE MONKEYS AT?!" >everyone stares at him >lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo >guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys >about an hour later >tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees >he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps whilst howling View Thread
: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)21:22:46 No.844438848 >at the zoo >decide to take guided tour since one is about to start >lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins >guy in the background screams 244 KB PNG "YEA WHERE ARE THE MONKEYS AT?!" >everyone stares at him >lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo >guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys >about an hour later >tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees >he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps whilst howling View Thread

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Anon went to France | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)04:30:41 No.63752326 >be me >went on family vacation to france a couple of years ago >go to a restaurant >france restaurants are supposed to be the best in the world according to movies >snacks arrive 62 KB JPG >not the greatest thing but aight >appetizer arrives, it's similar to what i ordered >ask the waiter when's my meal arriving >turns out that was the f------ meal >go to a mcdonalds cause it's not as expensive and they actually serve you food Is the lack of calories the reason eurofags are so effeminate? Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)05:41:11 No.63752862 >>63752326 (OP) >ls the lack of calories the reason eurofags are so effeminate? no, you're just a fat american
Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)04:30:41 No.63752326 >be me >went on family vacation to france a couple of years ago >go to a restaurant >france restaurants are supposed to be the best in the world according to movies >snacks arrive 62 KB JPG >not the greatest thing but aight >appetizer arrives, it's similar to what i ordered >ask the waiter when's my meal arriving >turns out that was the f------ meal >go to a mcdonalds cause it's not as expensive and they actually serve you food Is the lack of calories the reason eurofags are so effeminate? Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)05:41:11 No.63752862 >>63752326 (OP) >ls the lack of calories the reason eurofags are so effeminate? no, you're just a fat american

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Anon wants chocolate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/04/18(Thu)00:49:35 No.42248973 Social f--- up thread? >Be me >Hungry before work >See donut shop and think "f--- it, that sounds pretty good" >Go inside and get a chocolate 172 KB PNG donut and a chocolate muffin >Cashier says "Wow, lots of chocolate today huh?" >"Haha yeah, I'm the chocolate man from chocolate land." >never return there Why am I like this?
: Anonymous 01/04/18(Thu)00:49:35 No.42248973 Social f--- up thread? >Be me >Hungry before work >See donut shop and think "f--- it, that sounds pretty good" >Go inside and get a chocolate 172 KB PNG donut and a chocolate muffin >Cashier says "Wow, lots of chocolate today huh?" >"Haha yeah, I'm the chocolate man from chocolate land." >never return there Why am I like this?

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Anon 'had' a gf | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)05:00:41 No.63752532 >Broke up with gf recently >Laughing at a funny video >Call her from the living room >Wait for a solid minute while I'm replaying the video and laughing >Then it hits me 71 KB JPG >Mfw it finally hits me She was the one for me bros I want to kms Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)05:02:37 No.63752550 dont care your fault get off my board
Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)05:00:41 No.63752532 >Broke up with gf recently >Laughing at a funny video >Call her from the living room >Wait for a solid minute while I'm replaying the video and laughing >Then it hits me 71 KB JPG >Mfw it finally hits me She was the one for me bros I want to kms Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)05:02:37 No.63752550 dont care your fault get off my board

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Anon forgets to hide his powerlevel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/20/18(Fri)14:25:24 No.46937794 >go to the psychologist >she starts asking questions about me and my life >accidentally mention "Chad" >spend the next two hours explaining her the concept 36 KB PNG whelp, that didn't go well
: Anonymous 07/20/18(Fri)14:25:24 No.46937794 >go to the psychologist >she starts asking questions about me and my life >accidentally mention "Chad" >spend the next two hours explaining her the concept 36 KB PNG whelp, that didn't go well

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Anon goes to a restaurant | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous [•] 11/30/20(Mon)23:57:14 No.135008220 Andrew (Toycat) @ibxtoycat In the UK we sometimes joke about having to order the kids meal In America to get a normal sized meal Today I actually did it, this is what a $5.50 kids meal at olive garden looks like, it is legitimately just a regular amount of food hello this is ibxtoycat and welcome back to another minecraft video.png 416 KB PNG >be me >visiting America with family >go to restaurant for lunch >waitress assures my mom that the portions aren't excessive >get food >biggest plate of pasta l've ever seen >mfw l'm obese and even I couldn't finish more than half of it Why are Americans such gluttonous pigs?
: Anonymous [•] 11/30/20(Mon)23:57:14 No.135008220 Andrew (Toycat) @ibxtoycat In the UK we sometimes joke about having to order the kids meal In America to get a normal sized meal Today I actually did it, this is what a $5.50 kids meal at olive garden looks like, it is legitimately just a regular amount of food hello this is ibxtoycat and welcome back to another minecraft video.png 416 KB PNG >be me >visiting America with family >go to restaurant for lunch >waitress assures my mom that the portions aren't excessive >get food >biggest plate of pasta l've ever seen >mfw l'm obese and even I couldn't finish more than half of it Why are Americans such gluttonous pigs?

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Anon has a son | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)09:53:42 No.46331112 >be dad to 7yo son >find out he's possible in the spectrum >smart >awful in social situations >no coordination when partaking in physical activities >loves roblox and minecraft 38 KB PNG >yesterday he was running around the house singing something >watcha doin son? >im sanic, i gotta go fast dad please look after him when he eventually finds you guys
: Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)09:53:42 No.46331112 >be dad to 7yo son >find out he's possible in the spectrum >smart >awful in social situations >no coordination when partaking in physical activities >loves roblox and minecraft 38 KB PNG >yesterday he was running around the house singing something >watcha doin son? >im sanic, i gotta go fast dad please look after him when he eventually finds you guys

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Anon hates 4chan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:22:29 No.854854386 >be me >2017 >take break from /b/ and it's endless racebait/bbc spam >come back >first thing I see >a f------ b--------- thread with 8 KB JPG over 200 replies alright there's no excuse. you guys are just f------. you know that, right?
: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:22:29 No.854854386 >be me >2017 >take break from /b/ and it's endless racebait/bbc spam >come back >first thing I see >a f------ b--------- thread with 8 KB JPG over 200 replies alright there's no excuse. you guys are just f------. you know that, right?

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Anon wants to be on the photo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:26:54 No.854833391 >be me >socially awkward virgin >see cute girl while in starbucks, she doesn't notice me >want to talk to her, but not sure how to approach >decide to be confident and to just 242 KB JPG walk up and say hi >walk up, she's facing away from me but I start chickening out >freeze right before I tap her on the shoulder >system_Error.exe >she turns around and me being so close startles her >she knocks her coffee in her lap, gets soaked >l never say anything and just make a beeline out the door >hear her say "what the f---" as I leave >mfw when I made a girl wet Later virgins : Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:30:23 No.854833576 put me in the reddit screencap
: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:26:54 No.854833391 >be me >socially awkward virgin >see cute girl while in starbucks, she doesn't notice me >want to talk to her, but not sure how to approach >decide to be confident and to just 242 KB JPG walk up and say hi >walk up, she's facing away from me but I start chickening out >freeze right before I tap her on the shoulder >system_Error.exe >she turns around and me being so close startles her >she knocks her coffee in her lap, gets soaked >l never say anything and just make a beeline out the door >hear her say "what the f---" as I leave >mfw when I made a girl wet Later virgins : Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:30:23 No.854833576 put me in the reddit screencap

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