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Anon’s orangutan experience | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/05/22(Mon)14:36:34 No.4294466 You enter a white room. To your left is a beautiful woman made lawful to you, to your right is an orangutan with a xylophone. You can only spend 24 with one of them, who do you choose? >>4294468 # >>4294509 # >>4296477 # 09/08/22(Thu)00:31:15 No.4296477 Anonymous >>4294466 # There is one answer, and no other. Let me paint you a picture. >you enter a white room, nothing inside but two doors. >one labeled "beautiful woman", other "xylophone Orangutan" >you go into the "beautiful woman" door, 24 hours of non stop nagging about random s---. >go into orangutan door, the hippest primate you ever did see is staring at you >the only thing in his eyes is pure happiness at what's in front of him >you both jam out together, taking turns on the xylophone >you bid him a-due, and say your eternal goodbyes. >you remember him fondly for years to come >one day, your in a dark alleyway, and getting mugged >suddenly, you hear the sounds of a xylophone. >your mugger is knocked down with the force of 1000 notes >"you saved my life all those years ago, now I save yours, Ooo ah ah" >you shed a tear
Anonymous 09/05/22(Mon)14:36:34 No.4294466 You enter a white room. To your left is a beautiful woman made lawful to you, to your right is an orangutan with a xylophone. You can only spend 24 with one of them, who do you choose? >>4294468 # >>4294509 # >>4296477 # 09/08/22(Thu)00:31:15 No.4296477 Anonymous >>4294466 # There is one answer, and no other. Let me paint you a picture. >you enter a white room, nothing inside but two doors. >one labeled "beautiful woman", other "xylophone Orangutan" >you go into the "beautiful woman" door, 24 hours of non stop nagging about random s---. >go into orangutan door, the hippest primate you ever did see is staring at you >the only thing in his eyes is pure happiness at what's in front of him >you both jam out together, taking turns on the xylophone >you bid him a-due, and say your eternal goodbyes. >you remember him fondly for years to come >one day, your in a dark alleyway, and getting mugged >suddenly, you hear the sounds of a xylophone. >your mugger is knocked down with the force of 1000 notes >"you saved my life all those years ago, now I save yours, Ooo ah ah" >you shed a tear

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anon finds the next LSD | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/07/22(Wed)19:24:03 No.70128399 Isd.jpg 47 KB JPG >I just wanna become one with nature maaaaaan! Get away from society and do something natural maaaaaan! >Takes a man-made drug created by a bunch of people looking to make a profit, to seek a high that can otherwise not be found naturally. Why : Anonymous >>70128399 (OP) # >to seek a high that can otherwise not be found naturally. 09/07/22(Wed)19:24:50 No.70128408 >he's never licked a toad
: Anonymous 09/07/22(Wed)19:24:03 No.70128399 Isd.jpg 47 KB JPG >I just wanna become one with nature maaaaaan! Get away from society and do something natural maaaaaan! >Takes a man-made drug created by a bunch of people looking to make a profit, to seek a high that can otherwise not be found naturally. Why : Anonymous >>70128399 (OP) # >to seek a high that can otherwise not be found naturally. 09/07/22(Wed)19:24:50 No.70128408 >he's never licked a toad

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We live in a society | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 23 KB JPG 09/07/22 (Wed) 23:43:13 No.885271002 >be me, paediatrician >13yo girl comes, severe back pain that goes all the way down to her feet and light rectal bleeding >thislookslikeahernia.exe >ask her about pain etc, what does she associate it with >she tells me that she thinks its from having a--- sex with her bf, bc he is rough and after doing it her back sometimes hurt >i look at the mother, the c--- is there smiling >ask her if she knew about her daughter sexual habits >"yeah, i give her condoms and lube so she has safe sex" >ask more. This c--- allowing her 13 YEARS OLD DAUGHTER get f----- by a 15yo horny n----- >a reso after, the girl has the intervertebral L4-L5 discs f----- by so many direct impacts and her rectum so injured that no doubt she was going to develop fecal incontinence very soon w-- is wrong with society and everyone involved in it how the f--- does a mother encourage her 13yo daughter to f--- n------? Her anus and back are DESTROYED for life. Stupid liberal imbeciles i have seen worse, but this for some reason messed me up because a mother has the duty to protect their child but she was giggling and lurking plebbit while i was diagnosing her child for lifelong injuries
: Anonymous 23 KB JPG 09/07/22 (Wed) 23:43:13 No.885271002 >be me, paediatrician >13yo girl comes, severe back pain that goes all the way down to her feet and light rectal bleeding >thislookslikeahernia.exe >ask her about pain etc, what does she associate it with >she tells me that she thinks its from having a--- sex with her bf, bc he is rough and after doing it her back sometimes hurt >i look at the mother, the c--- is there smiling >ask her if she knew about her daughter sexual habits >"yeah, i give her condoms and lube so she has safe sex" >ask more. This c--- allowing her 13 YEARS OLD DAUGHTER get f----- by a 15yo horny n----- >a reso after, the girl has the intervertebral L4-L5 discs f----- by so many direct impacts and her rectum so injured that no doubt she was going to develop fecal incontinence very soon w-- is wrong with society and everyone involved in it how the f--- does a mother encourage her 13yo daughter to f--- n------? Her anus and back are DESTROYED for life. Stupid liberal imbeciles i have seen worse, but this for some reason messed me up because a mother has the duty to protect their child but she was giggling and lurking plebbit while i was diagnosing her child for lifelong injuries

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Anon discovers the key to success | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/07/22 (Wed)21:22:18 No.70125192 >have p--- addiction and skinnyfat >discover nofap and lifting >get motivated and share it with friends >get constantly ridiculed and demotivated by 'friend' group, especially by one a------ who tells me that normal guys don't need nofap, it's just for weirdos >years later I talk to his ex >she tells me all the f----- up degenerate p--- he used to watch and how he struggled to contain it, also how he worked out constantly to have visible abs 3.51 MB PNG Is this the key to succes, /r9k/? Should I just act like all the things I worked for came to me naturally and mock others who share their struggles, just like pic related?
: Anonymous 09/07/22 (Wed)21:22:18 No.70125192 >have p--- addiction and skinnyfat >discover nofap and lifting >get motivated and share it with friends >get constantly ridiculed and demotivated by 'friend' group, especially by one a------ who tells me that normal guys don't need nofap, it's just for weirdos >years later I talk to his ex >she tells me all the f----- up degenerate p--- he used to watch and how he struggled to contain it, also how he worked out constantly to have visible abs 3.51 MB PNG Is this the key to succes, /r9k/? Should I just act like all the things I worked for came to me naturally and mock others who share their struggles, just like pic related?

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Anon feels empathy for npc | /r/Greentext

Aight i have a story to tell, a shameful one too >Be me >Playing RDR2 for the very first time >Foolin around in New Hanover >Suddenly i find this prospector dude searching for gold in mud >Actually stay next to him, hoping he might find some so i can rob him 49 KB GIF >ohshitheactuallyfoundit.jpeg >he's jumping and dancing around, looking real happy >suddenly, my primal urges awake and i rob him >he didn't want to give it willingly so i had to kill him >loot the body >oh s--- gold >go sell it >mfw 25 bucks >I had goddamn 200 bucks already and i just ended some poor guys life for stupid 25 bucks >remember the little dancing thing he did when he found it >start crying and turn off the game, don't play it for the next couple of days He was just an NPC in a game and yet i feel f------ terrible
Aight i have a story to tell, a shameful one too >Be me >Playing RDR2 for the very first time >Foolin around in New Hanover >Suddenly i find this prospector dude searching for gold in mud >Actually stay next to him, hoping he might find some so i can rob him 49 KB GIF >ohshitheactuallyfoundit.jpeg >he's jumping and dancing around, looking real happy >suddenly, my primal urges awake and i rob him >he didn't want to give it willingly so i had to kill him >loot the body >oh s--- gold >go sell it >mfw 25 bucks >I had goddamn 200 bucks already and i just ended some poor guys life for stupid 25 bucks >remember the little dancing thing he did when he found it >start crying and turn off the game, don't play it for the next couple of days He was just an NPC in a game and yet i feel f------ terrible

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Anon tries to help a friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 161 KB PNG 09/07/22 (Wed)19:30:52 No.70124012 > Be me > Artist friend says they are in a pretty tough spot financially > Commission them > Gets on discord later that day > Artist friend playing roblox for 12 hours > Do I say anything?
Anonymous 161 KB PNG 09/07/22 (Wed)19:30:52 No.70124012 > Be me > Artist friend says they are in a pretty tough spot financially > Commission them > Gets on discord later that day > Artist friend playing roblox for 12 hours > Do I say anything?

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anon fucking hates the Phineas and Ferb theme song | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous movi Hey ARPE 11 KB JPG 09/07/22(Wed)01:43:36 No.885220125 >>885219115 # Kinda one like this >be 17 or 18 >awkward nerdlet, 5.5/10 >listen to warped tour music >go to warped tour with best friend >goodday.jpeg >mid day, very tired >bowling for soup is playing >ska isn't dead >smoke cigarettes and sit on parking lot pavement with friend, very edgy >femanon wanders over >10/10 + ez to talk to + pretty eyes + ratio >offers us beer >"f------ what" >share tallboy with best friend and new friend >bowling for soup starts making a ruckus on stage, crowd begins murmuring >bowling for soup plays the opening notes to the Phineas and Ferb theme song >crowd goes absolutely batshit, everyone dancing/moshing >get up with best friend to get a better look >new friend gets weirdly close to face >whispers something in my ear >can't f------ hear it over the sound of Phineas and Ferb doing it all >open mouth to say something stupid >immediately get face sucked >make out with total stranger >best friend turns around from watching bowling for soup and almost chokes on his own spit. >try to choke on her spit >band closes out on this song >part ways shortly after, never see her again Still wondering what she said into my ear. Hope she's well.
: Anonymous movi Hey ARPE 11 KB JPG 09/07/22(Wed)01:43:36 No.885220125 >>885219115 # Kinda one like this >be 17 or 18 >awkward nerdlet, 5.5/10 >listen to warped tour music >go to warped tour with best friend >goodday.jpeg >mid day, very tired >bowling for soup is playing >ska isn't dead >smoke cigarettes and sit on parking lot pavement with friend, very edgy >femanon wanders over >10/10 + ez to talk to + pretty eyes + ratio >offers us beer >"f------ what" >share tallboy with best friend and new friend >bowling for soup starts making a ruckus on stage, crowd begins murmuring >bowling for soup plays the opening notes to the Phineas and Ferb theme song >crowd goes absolutely batshit, everyone dancing/moshing >get up with best friend to get a better look >new friend gets weirdly close to face >whispers something in my ear >can't f------ hear it over the sound of Phineas and Ferb doing it all >open mouth to say something stupid >immediately get face sucked >make out with total stranger >best friend turns around from watching bowling for soup and almost chokes on his own spit. >try to choke on her spit >band closes out on this song >part ways shortly after, never see her again Still wondering what she said into my ear. Hope she's well.

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Anon autistic story | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/04/17(Sat)23:32:31 No.43458019 >>43458829 >>43461254 >>43461900 File: 1490051089593.jpg (130 KB, 616x572) NEW PERK: MISERY LOVES COMPANY >she noded yes > oh f--- what now? >>43455447 (OP) >be in gym > do deadlift > see girl mirin > oh i'm bout to alpha this s--- >take off head phones > "do you like what you see?" >put head phones back in >deadlift to failure >leave
Anonymous 11/04/17(Sat)23:32:31 No.43458019 >>43458829 >>43461254 >>43461900 File: 1490051089593.jpg (130 KB, 616x572) NEW PERK: MISERY LOVES COMPANY >she noded yes > oh f--- what now? >>43455447 (OP) >be in gym > do deadlift > see girl mirin > oh i'm bout to alpha this s--- >take off head phones > "do you like what you see?" >put head phones back in >deadlift to failure >leave

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anon is a father | /r/Greentext

>be me >Daughter's birthday today, she's turning 19 >My wife passed away last year and daughter moved away >I work at an oil field and I'm only home for a bit of the year >Decide to bake my daughter a cake and get her a gift card for her Spotify >Spend all day trying to get the cake to not turn to s---, watching endless YouTube guides >Finally I can take it to her place, I put some foil on it, get the gift card and I'm on my way >Show up to her apartment, knock >She opens up and next to her is her new boyfriend >I give him a handshake and give my daughter a hug and her stuff 632 KB JPG >Tell her if she needs anything I'm a 5 min drive away Trying to be the father my dad couldn't be
>be me >Daughter's birthday today, she's turning 19 >My wife passed away last year and daughter moved away >I work at an oil field and I'm only home for a bit of the year >Decide to bake my daughter a cake and get her a gift card for her Spotify >Spend all day trying to get the cake to not turn to s---, watching endless YouTube guides >Finally I can take it to her place, I put some foil on it, get the gift card and I'm on my way >Show up to her apartment, knock >She opens up and next to her is her new boyfriend >I give him a handshake and give my daughter a hug and her stuff 632 KB JPG >Tell her if she needs anything I'm a 5 min drive away Trying to be the father my dad couldn't be

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Anon is hummingbird | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>65804999 (OP) # i usually add a scoop of sugar to my water bottle makes the day a little more sweet :) 10/17/21(Sun)23:14:15 No.65805240 15 READY HOUSE SOM B Hummingbird Red Nectar Ready-to-Use Colibris Nectar roug prêt à l'em PENNINGTON THE BIRD FOOD PEOPLE Premium READY TO USE Natural Springs Nectar HUMMINGBIRD FOOD Eviched with Essential Vironins and Minerals MITAT A FLO USA MORE BIRDS NET WE 64 FL. OZ Poids net 1.8 kg Ready To Use Prêt à l'emploi No Mixin Required Aucun méla requis No Refr Pas de n ERKY-PET SET CONTENT CONTENNET
: Anonymous >>65804999 (OP) # i usually add a scoop of sugar to my water bottle makes the day a little more sweet :) 10/17/21(Sun)23:14:15 No.65805240 15 READY HOUSE SOM B Hummingbird Red Nectar Ready-to-Use Colibris Nectar roug prêt à l'em PENNINGTON THE BIRD FOOD PEOPLE Premium READY TO USE Natural Springs Nectar HUMMINGBIRD FOOD Eviched with Essential Vironins and Minerals MITAT A FLO USA MORE BIRDS NET WE 64 FL. OZ Poids net 1.8 kg Ready To Use Prêt à l'emploi No Mixin Required Aucun méla requis No Refr Pas de n ERKY-PET SET CONTENT CONTENNET

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Anon makes a special bond with his dog | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous How to make dog love wife OR 100% JESUS ¿QUIERES? JANUnd 30 KB JPG 09/07/22(Wed)13:45:28 No.4296062 >we finally get a dog >it's a male border collie/labrador mix >wife loves animals and wanted a puppy since she was a child >mom never let her, but now she lives with me >i have been around female dogs all my life, i came from the countryside to work in a big town >he was rescued on a highway and was very thin >moves in with us >hes very friendly with everyone but when he sees black homeless people, he freaks the f--- out >we grow a bond me and the dog >he doesnt really like my wife >today i came home with him after a quick walk >he just walk past her >she calls him >idgaf.png >she tells me to call him >he comes over wagging his tail looking super happy and hyped and stands on two feet >she starts crying : Anonymous How can i fix this situation? I'm not the best at dog psychology and i never had a male dog before, hes a very sweet and smart dog, i dont even have problems with piss inside the house lol 33 KB JPG 09/07/22(Wed)13:52:25 No.4296064 >>4296062 (OP) # i am sorry sir your dog is a homosexual
: Anonymous How to make dog love wife OR 100% JESUS ¿QUIERES? JANUnd 30 KB JPG 09/07/22(Wed)13:45:28 No.4296062 >we finally get a dog >it's a male border collie/labrador mix >wife loves animals and wanted a puppy since she was a child >mom never let her, but now she lives with me >i have been around female dogs all my life, i came from the countryside to work in a big town >he was rescued on a highway and was very thin >moves in with us >hes very friendly with everyone but when he sees black homeless people, he freaks the f--- out >we grow a bond me and the dog >he doesnt really like my wife >today i came home with him after a quick walk >he just walk past her >she calls him >idgaf.png >she tells me to call him >he comes over wagging his tail looking super happy and hyped and stands on two feet >she starts crying : Anonymous How can i fix this situation? I'm not the best at dog psychology and i never had a male dog before, hes a very sweet and smart dog, i dont even have problems with piss inside the house lol 33 KB JPG 09/07/22(Wed)13:52:25 No.4296064 >>4296062 (OP) # i am sorry sir your dog is a homosexual

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Trolling has no age limit | /r/Greentext

Anonymous EP 05/09/22(Mon)20:10:43 No.68563456 >84 year old grandfather tells me that he's joined a message board devoted to discussing cars >based on the way he speaks, he clearly had no idea what a message board was until very recently 117 KB JPG >he shows me some of his post history >he enjoys posting stupid, obviously false and ridiculous information just to see how people reply >he doesn't know the terms shitposting or trolling, so he says "I'm jerkin' their chains!" and scrolls down, busting a gut with laughter as he reads off some of the replies An 84 year old man is an online troll. I am genuinely ashamed to be his grandson. Anonymous >>68563456 (OP) lol sounds like your chain got jerked 05/09/22(Mon)20:37:06 No.68563759
Anonymous EP 05/09/22(Mon)20:10:43 No.68563456 >84 year old grandfather tells me that he's joined a message board devoted to discussing cars >based on the way he speaks, he clearly had no idea what a message board was until very recently 117 KB JPG >he shows me some of his post history >he enjoys posting stupid, obviously false and ridiculous information just to see how people reply >he doesn't know the terms shitposting or trolling, so he says "I'm jerkin' their chains!" and scrolls down, busting a gut with laughter as he reads off some of the replies An 84 year old man is an online troll. I am genuinely ashamed to be his grandson. Anonymous >>68563456 (OP) lol sounds like your chain got jerked 05/09/22(Mon)20:37:06 No.68563759

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Anon is going to make it | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1 hour ago 5 REPLIES 0 IMAGES 790778394 Weird achievements thread >be me >never taken a s--- in school >only 5 more months until high school graduation >im going to make it
Anonymous 1 hour ago 5 REPLIES 0 IMAGES 790778394 Weird achievements thread >be me >never taken a s--- in school >only 5 more months until high school graduation >im going to make it

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Anon asks a question | /r/Greentext

Anonymous A 424 KB PNG 05/12/22(Thu)02:54:25 No.877988416 >"I f----- your mom last night!" >"My mom is dead." You have several options, anon. >1. "Oh, sorry about that man." >2. "Yeah, cuz I f----- her to death." Which one do you choose and why?
Anonymous A 424 KB PNG 05/12/22(Thu)02:54:25 No.877988416 >"I f----- your mom last night!" >"My mom is dead." You have several options, anon. >1. "Oh, sorry about that man." >2. "Yeah, cuz I f----- her to death." Which one do you choose and why?

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We wuz the Turkz and shiet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 126 KB JPG SHS 07/13/19(Sat)16:33:02 No.804561229 Did i ever tell you guys about my insane highschool mascot? >Small redneck town in USA >We were the turks >the f------ turks THE 26 16
: Anonymous 126 KB JPG SHS 07/13/19(Sat)16:33:02 No.804561229 Did i ever tell you guys about my insane highschool mascot? >Small redneck town in USA >We were the turks >the f------ turks THE 26 16

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anon is a threat to society | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 105 KB JPG 09/06/22(Tue)19:27:06 i ated a lemon sucky sucky pouty lip next i will eat am orange peele No.10383572
: Anonymous 105 KB JPG 09/06/22(Tue)19:27:06 i ated a lemon sucky sucky pouty lip next i will eat am orange peele No.10383572

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Anon is loud | /r/Greentext

File: 0175-gyU3RvV.jpg (73 KB, 499x499) Anonymous 22/06/22(Tue)13:14:02 No.885168679 >be me, autistic retard >be autistic >piss your pants
File: 0175-gyU3RvV.jpg (73 KB, 499x499) Anonymous 22/06/22(Tue)13:14:02 No.885168679 >be me, autistic retard >be autistic >piss your pants

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Caretaker anon wasn't the favorite child | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: H1ifoxKL) 09/06/22 (Tue)16:07:42 No.394138782 b462f7fce0ce2c8d4e4fea7b6(...).jpg (51 KB, 468x484) google yandex iqdb wait saucenao >>394139012 # >>394139283 # >>394140448 # >>394140580 # >>394141625 # >>394141866 # >>394134582 # >Have one sister >She moves out at 18 to live with a guy, I stay and take care of disabled dad who got hurt on the job >Have to work out of town for a few weeks one summer >Dad calls me to tell me he's giving the house to my sister >All equity for 300k house goes to her, I get nothing. >He buys a small house 2 minutes away from her thinking she'll take care of him >Talks about how he'll be going to her house for dinner during the week and its going to be so great >I move an hour away >He constantly calls me crying because she ignores his phone calls, tells him she isn't helping him, and never invites him over despite living practically next door to him >Thinks its unfair when I ask where my free house is He can die sitting disabled in his recliner or kill himself, I don't care. I still have no clue what he was thinking.
Anonymous (ID: H1ifoxKL) 09/06/22 (Tue)16:07:42 No.394138782 b462f7fce0ce2c8d4e4fea7b6(...).jpg (51 KB, 468x484) google yandex iqdb wait saucenao >>394139012 # >>394139283 # >>394140448 # >>394140580 # >>394141625 # >>394141866 # >>394134582 # >Have one sister >She moves out at 18 to live with a guy, I stay and take care of disabled dad who got hurt on the job >Have to work out of town for a few weeks one summer >Dad calls me to tell me he's giving the house to my sister >All equity for 300k house goes to her, I get nothing. >He buys a small house 2 minutes away from her thinking she'll take care of him >Talks about how he'll be going to her house for dinner during the week and its going to be so great >I move an hour away >He constantly calls me crying because she ignores his phone calls, tells him she isn't helping him, and never invites him over despite living practically next door to him >Thinks its unfair when I ask where my free house is He can die sitting disabled in his recliner or kill himself, I don't care. I still have no clue what he was thinking.

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Anon is cruel | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 269 KB PNG 09/07/22(Wed)17:51:17 No.70122636 >recently started dating a girl >she has severe relationship trauma >had an ex who would beat and r--- her >an ex who'd cheat on her again and again >one who refused to stop watching p--- >she talks about how you eventually fall into a mindset that every single man is like that >tell her that I'm different >she gradually becomes more and more obsessed with me and talks about how she can't live without me >accidentally go and f--- my ex and break up with her am I a bad person, r9k?
Anonymous 269 KB PNG 09/07/22(Wed)17:51:17 No.70122636 >recently started dating a girl >she has severe relationship trauma >had an ex who would beat and r--- her >an ex who'd cheat on her again and again >one who refused to stop watching p--- >she talks about how you eventually fall into a mindset that every single man is like that >tell her that I'm different >she gradually becomes more and more obsessed with me and talks about how she can't live without me >accidentally go and f--- my ex and break up with her am I a bad person, r9k?

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rough around the edges | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 48 KB JPG >>70120699 # 09/07/22(Wed)11:14:40 No.70120656 >liquor stores have stopped checking my ID >i look at least 25 or older so it begins.
Anonymous 48 KB JPG >>70120699 # 09/07/22(Wed)11:14:40 No.70120656 >liquor stores have stopped checking my ID >i look at least 25 or older so it begins.

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