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Anon is a genius | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. I robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >>819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 : Anonymous >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us

Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. I robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >>819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 : Anonymous >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us

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Anon laments the state of YouTube drama channels | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Commentary Guy 3.2 Morbillion Subsribers 2x longer than It needs to be 2xlonger than t needs to be 2xlonger than it needs to be 01/23/24(Tue)18:23:00 No.195415524 2x longer than it needs to be Popularguy situation is crazy 1 hour ago 3 Million Views Subscribe Penisman Situation is insane 3 hours ago 2 Million Views Huge PoopenFarten Drama 5 hours ago 7 Million Views Coaxedintosnafu situation is crazy 7 hours ago 20 Million Views hh1bk3208vjb1.jpg 69 KB JPG Hey what's up youtube, it's moistfaggot here again. Here's some three day old news I saw on reddit/twitter that I could summarize in 30 seconds but will stretch out for 10 minutes to bolster the algorithm. I talk in a deep voice and say curse words which means this counts as comedy. Alright cya

Anonymous Commentary Guy 3.2 Morbillion Subsribers 2x longer than It needs to be 2xlonger than t needs to be 2xlonger than it needs to be 01/23/24(Tue)18:23:00 No.195415524 2x longer than it needs to be Popularguy situation is crazy 1 hour ago 3 Million Views Subscribe Penisman Situation is insane 3 hours ago 2 Million Views Huge PoopenFarten Drama 5 hours ago 7 Million Views Coaxedintosnafu situation is crazy 7 hours ago 20 Million Views hh1bk3208vjb1.jpg 69 KB JPG Hey what's up youtube, it's moistfaggot here again. Here's some three day old news I saw on reddit/twitter that I could summarize in 30 seconds but will stretch out for 10 minutes to bolster the algorithm. I talk in a deep voice and say curse words which means this counts as comedy. Alright cya

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Anon is Alex Defaultman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 77 KB PNG 01/23/24(Tue)14:01:19 No.664710597 >race: human >gender: male >class: warrior >appearance: default >name: alex >graphics settings: default >cutscenes: skipped >dialogue: skipped >side quests: ignored yep, it's time to escape into a magical fantasy RPG!

: Anonymous 77 KB PNG 01/23/24(Tue)14:01:19 No.664710597 >race: human >gender: male >class: warrior >appearance: default >name: alex >graphics settings: default >cutscenes: skipped >dialogue: skipped >side quests: ignored yep, it's time to escape into a magical fantasy RPG!

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Anon goons | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/20/24(Sat)00:46:25 No.26592287 >>26573368 (OP) # 119 KB GIF I have written a piece of code that takes all the videos posted in this online discussion and plays them in a random order indefinitely. The code also randomly changes the speed and duration of each video, making them play faster or slower, and shorter or longer, than their original versions. The speed ranges from 0.5 to 1.5 times the normal rate, and a random duration ranging from 0.5x to 1x the length of the video. The result of this code is a chaotic and sexy mix of sounds and images, which creates a very intense and erotic experience for the viewer. I play this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nosTQxCnlpA [Open]) in the background, which adds immensely to the gooning experience. The contrast between the background dopamine frequency (28hz) and the foreground videos is very jarring and as my brother would say, "goontastic". I ran this code on my computer and watched the output on my screen. I was not prepared for the effect that it had on me. I felt a surge of adrenaline and horniness, as I could not predict what would happen next. I could not look away from the screen, even though I wanted to. I could not stop the code, even though I wanted to. I could only goon in horror and disbelief, as the code tortured me with its random and relentless combinations of videos. I have never came so hard in my life. >>26592352 # >>26593649 # >>26594477 # >>26594692 # >>26600219 # >>26600815 # >>26603125 # >>26604995 # >>26609518 # >>26610694 #

: Anonymous 01/20/24(Sat)00:46:25 No.26592287 >>26573368 (OP) # 119 KB GIF I have written a piece of code that takes all the videos posted in this online discussion and plays them in a random order indefinitely. The code also randomly changes the speed and duration of each video, making them play faster or slower, and shorter or longer, than their original versions. The speed ranges from 0.5 to 1.5 times the normal rate, and a random duration ranging from 0.5x to 1x the length of the video. The result of this code is a chaotic and sexy mix of sounds and images, which creates a very intense and erotic experience for the viewer. I play this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nosTQxCnlpA [Open]) in the background, which adds immensely to the gooning experience. The contrast between the background dopamine frequency (28hz) and the foreground videos is very jarring and as my brother would say, "goontastic". I ran this code on my computer and watched the output on my screen. I was not prepared for the effect that it had on me. I felt a surge of adrenaline and horniness, as I could not predict what would happen next. I could not look away from the screen, even though I wanted to. I could not stop the code, even though I wanted to. I could only goon in horror and disbelief, as the code tortured me with its random and relentless combinations of videos. I have never came so hard in my life. >>26592352 # >>26593649 # >>26594477 # >>26594692 # >>26600219 # >>26600815 # >>26603125 # >>26604995 # >>26609518 # >>26610694 #

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Anon has shit luck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Luck 01/22/24(Mon)13:13:36 No.76203156 AA Flag_of_India.svg.png 36 KB PNG >born in india >born in a state which has the worst reputation for cleanliness, stealing and everything else >have a passion in music which has no scope and is looked down upon >family wants to force to become an engineer >born in the lowest of the high classes >family follows caste system meaning i cant marry a girl even if shes not of our caste >family thinks i watch p--- everytime i close my door anons should i just end myself

: Anonymous Luck 01/22/24(Mon)13:13:36 No.76203156 AA Flag_of_India.svg.png 36 KB PNG >born in india >born in a state which has the worst reputation for cleanliness, stealing and everything else >have a passion in music which has no scope and is looked down upon >family wants to force to become an engineer >born in the lowest of the high classes >family follows caste system meaning i cant marry a girl even if shes not of our caste >family thinks i watch p--- everytime i close my door anons should i just end myself

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Anon has anxiety | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 161 KB PNG 03/29/19(Fri)16:45:16 No.796199748 >have severe anxiety >sick of it >try cutting out caffeine for a week >anxiety worse >look up caffeine withdrawal symptoms >mfw its anxiety 10 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

Anonymous 161 KB PNG 03/29/19(Fri)16:45:16 No.796199748 >have severe anxiety >sick of it >try cutting out caffeine for a week >anxiety worse >look up caffeine withdrawal symptoms >mfw its anxiety 10 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon trying to cope with Chad giving a homeless person some money | /r/Greentext

TO FEEL JD >be me, ex-neet (managed to b------- my way into a data entry job) >work with normies all day >one guy in our department basically gets fawned over by everybody, stereotypical chad >6 feet tall, built, smart, basically the whole package >hate him immediately, it just grates on me how perfect he acts >there's a homeless guy that usually camps outside of our parking garage (about two blocks from work) >he always asks for money and I always hurry past/ignore him since I don't want to get mugged or fuel his addiction >get to work early today >as I'm walking I see chad talking to homeless guy >says "man, I'm sorry, I usually carry cash, I just didn't today, I'm sorry" >internally roll my eyes because of course he would >ffw to end of the day, see chad stop on the way into the parking garage >see him give the homeless guy a couple bucks >turns out he went to an ATM to get money specifically to give him >forced to confront the fact that chad isn't just hotter or smarter than me, he's also just a better person I've been seething because of this all night. Am I just f-----? How do I cope with the fact that he mogs me in every possible way like this?

TO FEEL JD >be me, ex-neet (managed to b------- my way into a data entry job) >work with normies all day >one guy in our department basically gets fawned over by everybody, stereotypical chad >6 feet tall, built, smart, basically the whole package >hate him immediately, it just grates on me how perfect he acts >there's a homeless guy that usually camps outside of our parking garage (about two blocks from work) >he always asks for money and I always hurry past/ignore him since I don't want to get mugged or fuel his addiction >get to work early today >as I'm walking I see chad talking to homeless guy >says "man, I'm sorry, I usually carry cash, I just didn't today, I'm sorry" >internally roll my eyes because of course he would >ffw to end of the day, see chad stop on the way into the parking garage >see him give the homeless guy a couple bucks >turns out he went to an ATM to get money specifically to give him >forced to confront the fact that chad isn't just hotter or smarter than me, he's also just a better person I've been seething because of this all night. Am I just f-----? How do I cope with the fact that he mogs me in every possible way like this?

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Ayy lmao they using alien poop for “nuclear energy” | /r/Greentext

Hisign PH >>95114840 >yo check it out Blarg just gave the humans room temperature superconductors >oh no no no have they used it to boil water yet? >ayy Imao

Hisign PH >>95114840 >yo check it out Blarg just gave the humans room temperature superconductors >oh no no no have they used it to boil water yet? >ayy Imao

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#myPresident | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/22/24(Mon)19:49:59 No.195369017 w Idiocracy2.jpg 95 KB JPG S OF >actively tries to make society better >beloved by everyone 0 S DME >cares about the people >actually listens to the concerns the people have >employs the best and most skilled people for the job to fix issues >supposed to not like him because he is LOUD and PATRIOTIC

Anonymous 01/22/24(Mon)19:49:59 No.195369017 w Idiocracy2.jpg 95 KB JPG S OF >actively tries to make society better >beloved by everyone 0 S DME >cares about the people >actually listens to the concerns the people have >employs the best and most skilled people for the job to fix issues >supposed to not like him because he is LOUD and PATRIOTIC

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Your move? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >>26584968 (OP) # >wake up gaged and tied to a chair >this dude comes in and starts making his bed >"this is how I want it done" Your move? 01/21/24(Sun)03:20:24 No.26597332 >>26604227 # >>26607715 # Anonymous 01/22/24(Mon)22:58:24 No.26607715 >>26597332 # Tell him that he's kinda gay for having a tied up and gagged man in his bedroom

Anonymous >>26584968 (OP) # >wake up gaged and tied to a chair >this dude comes in and starts making his bed >"this is how I want it done" Your move? 01/21/24(Sun)03:20:24 No.26597332 >>26604227 # >>26607715 # Anonymous 01/22/24(Mon)22:58:24 No.26607715 >>26597332 # Tell him that he's kinda gay for having a tied up and gagged man in his bedroom

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Anon is a Seaturtle | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 30 KB JPG 09/28/19(Sat)01:11:57 No.810541537 >be me >sea turtle >chilling in the reef with my wife >have to move from reef to reef for munchies >one day >chilling in the seagrass, munchin >spot massive f------ jellyfish >holyshit.jpg >swim towards it as fast as i can >finally reach the jellyfish >take a bite >w-- >its plastic >die from intestinal bloackage F------ humans.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG 09/28/19(Sat)01:11:57 No.810541537 >be me >sea turtle >chilling in the reef with my wife >have to move from reef to reef for munchies >one day >chilling in the seagrass, munchin >spot massive f------ jellyfish >holyshit.jpg >swim towards it as fast as i can >finally reach the jellyfish >take a bite >w-- >its plastic >die from intestinal bloackage F------ humans.

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Most comprehensive non-Western parent | /r/Greentext

Anonymous How can I forgive my dad? 10 KB JPG No.76189367 01/20/24(Sat)21:20:43 >Never really accepted the fact I was an autist >Beat me up when I wasn't able to understand my homework >I was the quiet sibling but always complained on me because he said he was doing everything in the house >Always made fun of the fact I was thinking procedurally like a programmer. >Got a 1 year depression because of that stress Years passed and he's got a lot gentler with me, especially when he realized that I wasn't faking a depression and it was real. I don't recognize him anymore. I still can't forgive him though. If it weren't for my mother, I would have left him alone in a retirement home when he got old. Should I still try to find a way to forgive him?

Anonymous How can I forgive my dad? 10 KB JPG No.76189367 01/20/24(Sat)21:20:43 >Never really accepted the fact I was an autist >Beat me up when I wasn't able to understand my homework >I was the quiet sibling but always complained on me because he said he was doing everything in the house >Always made fun of the fact I was thinking procedurally like a programmer. >Got a 1 year depression because of that stress Years passed and he's got a lot gentler with me, especially when he realized that I wasn't faking a depression and it was real. I don't recognize him anymore. I still can't forgive him though. If it weren't for my mother, I would have left him alone in a retirement home when he got old. Should I still try to find a way to forgive him?

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Up in smoke | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Weed Vs Tobacco 6 KB JPG 01/20/24(Sat)19:23:33 No.76188091 Be me >Wants to start smoking cigars and tobacco from a pipe >Bf (im a f--) hates it and says ill become a nicotine addict and tweak out when I dont get my fix >I want to smoke maybe once or twice a week after a work week >He however smokes weed every day and spends 100$+ on weed and weed paraphernalia >My cigars cost less than a dollar and a single one last me a week >He cant eat sometimes without needing bud >I can go weeks without even thinking of "needing" a smoke and simply want one out of craving like a soda or a snack >I want to stop smoking weed since im a US f-- and theres random drug tests at the future career I want >He calls me "boring" for wanting to stop weed I usually never understood the stoner hate but im starting to understand it everyday regarding this argument we had.

Anonymous Weed Vs Tobacco 6 KB JPG 01/20/24(Sat)19:23:33 No.76188091 Be me >Wants to start smoking cigars and tobacco from a pipe >Bf (im a f--) hates it and says ill become a nicotine addict and tweak out when I dont get my fix >I want to smoke maybe once or twice a week after a work week >He however smokes weed every day and spends 100$+ on weed and weed paraphernalia >My cigars cost less than a dollar and a single one last me a week >He cant eat sometimes without needing bud >I can go weeks without even thinking of "needing" a smoke and simply want one out of craving like a soda or a snack >I want to stop smoking weed since im a US f-- and theres random drug tests at the future career I want >He calls me "boring" for wanting to stop weed I usually never understood the stoner hate but im starting to understand it everyday regarding this argument we had.

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Anon gets into a fight | /r/Greentext

: Hugh Mungus t. 29 yo Christcuc(...) (ID: vhqaCyxa) 01/22/24(Mon) 02:04:09 No.455992164 >>455990094 (OP) # > San digger launches a potato wedge at high school lunch time >it hits my chocolate milk and spills on my cargo shorts >I confront him politely >he gets up and towers over me threateningly and a f----- s--- at his table laughs when I ask for retribution >I buy more milk and get some napkins go sit down >n----- at my table eggs me on to fight >bell rings >I go up to s----------, throw milk on his Hollis tee shirt >he pushes me >I hit him as hard as I can with a right hook to the chin >nothing >do it again >he head butts me >l blackout but manage to stay on my feet >when I come to I have him in a lame headlock and I hook him three times to the gut >he walks away from me >there's a bruise on my left eye shaped like his knuckles >pretty sure he ruined my nose bridge now I look low t >everyone says I lost the fight >charlotte hall gives me a peck on the lips for fighting the dude >>456013913 # >>456027140 #

: Hugh Mungus t. 29 yo Christcuc(...) (ID: vhqaCyxa) 01/22/24(Mon) 02:04:09 No.455992164 >>455990094 (OP) # > San digger launches a potato wedge at high school lunch time >it hits my chocolate milk and spills on my cargo shorts >I confront him politely >he gets up and towers over me threateningly and a f----- s--- at his table laughs when I ask for retribution >I buy more milk and get some napkins go sit down >n----- at my table eggs me on to fight >bell rings >I go up to s----------, throw milk on his Hollis tee shirt >he pushes me >I hit him as hard as I can with a right hook to the chin >nothing >do it again >he head butts me >l blackout but manage to stay on my feet >when I come to I have him in a lame headlock and I hook him three times to the gut >he walks away from me >there's a bruise on my left eye shaped like his knuckles >pretty sure he ruined my nose bridge now I look low t >everyone says I lost the fight >charlotte hall gives me a peck on the lips for fighting the dude >>456013913 # >>456027140 #

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Skill issues | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/22/24(Mon)06:17:32 No.664565153 $82 Flower Festival.jpg 462 KB JPG >game force you to interact with the opposite sex to get to know them >game got patch where this is not required anymore >90% of male cannot hook up with the female >100% of the female all get f--- by the 10% and never get married

Anonymous 01/22/24(Mon)06:17:32 No.664565153 $82 Flower Festival.jpg 462 KB JPG >game force you to interact with the opposite sex to get to know them >game got patch where this is not required anymore >90% of male cannot hook up with the female >100% of the female all get f--- by the 10% and never get married

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Theogenesis | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: k4rYZi2k) 01/11/24(Thu)09:04:16 No.454806180 >>454805317 # >hey schlomo, I need you to create a fake religion to control the goyim <sure thing rabbi nosenstien, what should it be about? 68 KB JPG >who cares? Just make sure the central figure is the perfect man so that they will listen to what he says. Make him God incarnate. <okay, anything else rabbi? >yeah, make sure he calls us the synagogue of Satan. Like, we were Satan-spawned liars and such. Also make us responsible for killing him unjustly. <wh-why, rabbi? >lol, dunno >great work, schlomo! Christianity is working perfectly <thank you rabbi, But I'm not sure it is wor- >I have another idea for a religion <is that really necessary, rabbi? >trust me, this ones for the brown people, but they are more violent and require a different sort of figurehead <what should he be like? >depraved and hateful. Violent to no end and unforgiving of apostates. <ok... And? >make him tell his followers to kill every last one of us <rabbi, I... >>454806500 # >>454806521 #

Anonymous (ID: k4rYZi2k) 01/11/24(Thu)09:04:16 No.454806180 >>454805317 # >hey schlomo, I need you to create a fake religion to control the goyim <sure thing rabbi nosenstien, what should it be about? 68 KB JPG >who cares? Just make sure the central figure is the perfect man so that they will listen to what he says. Make him God incarnate. <okay, anything else rabbi? >yeah, make sure he calls us the synagogue of Satan. Like, we were Satan-spawned liars and such. Also make us responsible for killing him unjustly. <wh-why, rabbi? >lol, dunno >great work, schlomo! Christianity is working perfectly <thank you rabbi, But I'm not sure it is wor- >I have another idea for a religion <is that really necessary, rabbi? >trust me, this ones for the brown people, but they are more violent and require a different sort of figurehead <what should he be like? >depraved and hateful. Violent to no end and unforgiving of apostates. <ok... And? >make him tell his followers to kill every last one of us <rabbi, I... >>454806500 # >>454806521 #

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Serbianbro is tired of lies | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: EmfU5G6P 101/22/24 (Mon)08:33:55 No.456027710 >>456028028 File: 1688136211852080.jpg (115 KB, 637x911) >>456027215 >just get a college degree, do you want to flip burgers your whole life? >Why did you get a degree, you should have just learned to code! >Why did you learn to code, you should have gone into a trade! >Actually job experience doesn't matter, it's the connections and sociability that gets you the job >Have you tried living out of your car, eating lentil water, and working night shift at Amazon? You're not an entitled millenial, are you? >What? No, the job market is fine. YOU are the problem.

Anonymous (ID: EmfU5G6P 101/22/24 (Mon)08:33:55 No.456027710 >>456028028 File: 1688136211852080.jpg (115 KB, 637x911) >>456027215 >just get a college degree, do you want to flip burgers your whole life? >Why did you get a degree, you should have just learned to code! >Why did you learn to code, you should have gone into a trade! >Actually job experience doesn't matter, it's the connections and sociability that gets you the job >Have you tried living out of your car, eating lentil water, and working night shift at Amazon? You're not an entitled millenial, are you? >What? No, the job market is fine. YOU are the problem.

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Sexy blue cat people | /r/Greentext

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Anon wheels into our hearts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 352 KB JPG >instantly slip backwards >smash my head into the concrete slab >skin splits so I'm bleeding >freak the f--- out and run to my mom >thinks I cracked my head open so rushes me to the ER >have to hear all about how stupid I am for convincing her to buy me these things >get so stitches and go home >next day my mom returns the shoes : Anonymous 01/21/24(Sun)23:04:57 No.912763764 It was a short lived adventure and I found no treasure, only pain yawn >be kid me >heelys are invented >beg my mom for a pair >she finally caves in and buys me some >get home and slap dem bad boys on >don't really know what I'm doing >f--- it >full send in the garage >>912763841 # >>912764004 # 01/21/24(Sun)23:06:17 No.912763816 : Anonymous >>912763816 # Yeah that's it cowboy. Open that mouth so I can heely over to you and shove my c--- in it 01/21/24(Sun)23:07:07 No.912763841 Anonymous There must be someone out there with the heely land speed record 01/21/24(Sun)23:09:19 No.912763931 Anonymous >>912763931 # Probably my classmates mitch, good on him too. I once saw him Heely away from a girl after she broke his heart. He just kept going too. 01/21/24(Sun)23:11:22 No.912764004

: Anonymous 352 KB JPG >instantly slip backwards >smash my head into the concrete slab >skin splits so I'm bleeding >freak the f--- out and run to my mom >thinks I cracked my head open so rushes me to the ER >have to hear all about how stupid I am for convincing her to buy me these things >get so stitches and go home >next day my mom returns the shoes : Anonymous 01/21/24(Sun)23:04:57 No.912763764 It was a short lived adventure and I found no treasure, only pain yawn >be kid me >heelys are invented >beg my mom for a pair >she finally caves in and buys me some >get home and slap dem bad boys on >don't really know what I'm doing >f--- it >full send in the garage >>912763841 # >>912764004 # 01/21/24(Sun)23:06:17 No.912763816 : Anonymous >>912763816 # Yeah that's it cowboy. Open that mouth so I can heely over to you and shove my c--- in it 01/21/24(Sun)23:07:07 No.912763841 Anonymous There must be someone out there with the heely land speed record 01/21/24(Sun)23:09:19 No.912763931 Anonymous >>912763931 # Probably my classmates mitch, good on him too. I once saw him Heely away from a girl after she broke his heart. He just kept going too. 01/21/24(Sun)23:11:22 No.912764004

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