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Anon makes it rain on the ladies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Cringiest Alpha Moves 05/12/17(Fri)15:19:49 No.36972961 Part tof 3i Accepting Yeur Death >be me >be 14 or so >live in college apartments and above a cute girl >think of some way to impress her >lightbulb.png >walk downstairs one night to 475 KB PNG check my mail >quietly drop a $1 bill on the ground >cute girl outside, notices I dropped it >sir, you dropped your dollar bilI! >turn around slowly >"you can keep it" >walk away >mfw remembering this a few years later and realizing how cringe this was
: Anonymous Cringiest Alpha Moves 05/12/17(Fri)15:19:49 No.36972961 Part tof 3i Accepting Yeur Death >be me >be 14 or so >live in college apartments and above a cute girl >think of some way to impress her >lightbulb.png >walk downstairs one night to 475 KB PNG check my mail >quietly drop a $1 bill on the ground >cute girl outside, notices I dropped it >sir, you dropped your dollar bilI! >turn around slowly >"you can keep it" >walk away >mfw remembering this a few years later and realizing how cringe this was

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Anon works at Dunkin’ Donuts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)21:14:20 No.62961471 >Be me >Wagecuck >Work at dunkin donuts >Every morning this a------ drives up in his truck and orders a hot coffee >Makes a big deal about it being fresh and "piping hot" 87 KB PNG >becomes known around the store for being a pain in the ass to serve >one morning it's just me and another coworker >Truck guy pulls up and demands that we make it "fresh and hotter than yesterday" >Coworker makes coffee then he gets an idea >Takes the lid off and immediately dunks his balls in the coffee >Falls to the floor screaming, steaming coffee all over his balls and the floor >manager comes in and takes him to the hospital >Turns out he has second degree burns on his balls >Next day manager takes me aside and says if I tell anybody Dunkin will sue me >Pic related
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)21:14:20 No.62961471 >Be me >Wagecuck >Work at dunkin donuts >Every morning this a------ drives up in his truck and orders a hot coffee >Makes a big deal about it being fresh and "piping hot" 87 KB PNG >becomes known around the store for being a pain in the ass to serve >one morning it's just me and another coworker >Truck guy pulls up and demands that we make it "fresh and hotter than yesterday" >Coworker makes coffee then he gets an idea >Takes the lid off and immediately dunks his balls in the coffee >Falls to the floor screaming, steaming coffee all over his balls and the floor >manager comes in and takes him to the hospital >Turns out he has second degree burns on his balls >Next day manager takes me aside and says if I tell anybody Dunkin will sue me >Pic related

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Anon hits the showers | /r/Greentext

>middle school gym class >shower time >walk into shower >'hey look at anons d---, it's practically non existent' >they all start chanting 'tiny 90 KB JPG weenie anon" >coach comes in and breaks it up >he starts to say 'never judge a man by the size of his genitals, but by his act-' >coach looks down >jesus christ son, that thing hasn't grown since kindergarten has it?" >mfw
>middle school gym class >shower time >walk into shower >'hey look at anons d---, it's practically non existent' >they all start chanting 'tiny 90 KB JPG weenie anon" >coach comes in and breaks it up >he starts to say 'never judge a man by the size of his genitals, but by his act-' >coach looks down >jesus christ son, that thing hasn't grown since kindergarten has it?" >mfw

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Anon exposes the film industry | /r/Greentext

: Alan 03/28/21(Sun)16:17:35 No.148747818 >120 minute film >characters don't poop once 62 KB JPG 5 Replies View Thread
: Alan 03/28/21(Sun)16:17:35 No.148747818 >120 minute film >characters don't poop once 62 KB JPG 5 Replies View Thread

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Anon fell for a meme | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:31:43 No.51572664 >fell for the throw your s--- in the attic meme >tfw parents are p-----, the damage costs a fortune to fix, and the smell isn't going away 71 KB JPG My parents are thinking of kicking me out. I'm seriously scared. : Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:33:08 No.51572686 >>51572664 (OP) # ..what are you talking about? what meme? >>51572723 # Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:35:37 No.51572723 >>51572686 # So you don't have to leave your room to s---, and so you don'thave to go in jugs, you can throw it in the attic. I have a little trap door to the attic in my closet. I threw my s--- up in there and you said squirrels will carry it away but they haven't it just builds up and damages the house.
: Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:31:43 No.51572664 >fell for the throw your s--- in the attic meme >tfw parents are p-----, the damage costs a fortune to fix, and the smell isn't going away 71 KB JPG My parents are thinking of kicking me out. I'm seriously scared. : Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:33:08 No.51572686 >>51572664 (OP) # ..what are you talking about? what meme? >>51572723 # Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:35:37 No.51572723 >>51572686 # So you don't have to leave your room to s---, and so you don'thave to go in jugs, you can throw it in the attic. I have a little trap door to the attic in my closet. I threw my s--- up in there and you said squirrels will carry it away but they haven't it just builds up and damages the house.

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Maybe Freud was right after all | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:20:53 No.62956171 >be me >autist >draw p--- from my head >5 minute sketch >looks exactly like my mom 402 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:21:35 No.62956179 >>62956171 (OP) # Imagine what a 10 minute sketch will Iook like.
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:20:53 No.62956171 >be me >autist >draw p--- from my head >5 minute sketch >looks exactly like my mom 402 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:21:35 No.62956179 >>62956171 (OP) # Imagine what a 10 minute sketch will Iook like.

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Anon killed 2pac | /r/Greentext

>be me >in Las Vegas mostly losing money >see a cool pistol in a side street pawnshop >f--- if I've already blown a ton of money may as well get a new piece >shady as f--- in there >guy behind the counter is in wheelchair >nam vet crazy as f--- >whatever I just want the gun >he tells me it will be $600 >doesn't even ask for proof of age >walk out of store with pistol in pocket >walk back to strip to leave it in hotel room >see a guy in a car >im a little drunk and a little high >decide it will be funny to scare him >pull out pistol and point it at him >pull trigger expecting to hear click Pohfuckitwasloaded.jpeg >later find out that guy was 2pac I'm sorry guys, I confess, it was me.
>be me >in Las Vegas mostly losing money >see a cool pistol in a side street pawnshop >f--- if I've already blown a ton of money may as well get a new piece >shady as f--- in there >guy behind the counter is in wheelchair >nam vet crazy as f--- >whatever I just want the gun >he tells me it will be $600 >doesn't even ask for proof of age >walk out of store with pistol in pocket >walk back to strip to leave it in hotel room >see a guy in a car >im a little drunk and a little high >decide it will be funny to scare him >pull out pistol and point it at him >pull trigger expecting to hear click Pohfuckitwasloaded.jpeg >later find out that guy was 2pac I'm sorry guys, I confess, it was me.

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Anon is a normie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)18:11:22 No.850731724 >/b me >have girlfriend >we have this inside joke, always trying to get each other the cheesiest, most embarrassing love related gifts (like heart shaped cups with cringe quotes on it) or doing 64 KB JPG cringe love gestures >be me today >thinking that we must look like weird normies from the outside >wait a minute >are normies doing it ironically too? >f--- am I a normie in a normie relationship?
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)18:11:22 No.850731724 >/b me >have girlfriend >we have this inside joke, always trying to get each other the cheesiest, most embarrassing love related gifts (like heart shaped cups with cringe quotes on it) or doing 64 KB JPG cringe love gestures >be me today >thinking that we must look like weird normies from the outside >wait a minute >are normies doing it ironically too? >f--- am I a normie in a normie relationship?

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Anon points out double standard | /r/Greentext


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Anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)20:13:44 No.62952204 >think about killing myself every waking minute >Dream about going thru with it while crying >Wake up sad about it >Repeat the cycle Why am i like this? 67 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)20:57:22 No.62952574 i only think about scratching my balls and sniffing my fingers. 36 KB JPG >>62952626 #
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)20:13:44 No.62952204 >think about killing myself every waking minute >Dream about going thru with it while crying >Wake up sad about it >Repeat the cycle Why am i like this? 67 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)20:57:22 No.62952574 i only think about scratching my balls and sniffing my fingers. 36 KB JPG >>62952626 #

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Anon makes fun of boomers | /r/Greentext

| 38% 2:33 PM : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)13:08:24 No.850734581 >Be me >25 yo male >Work at a pharmacy >Boomer walks in >"Good evening, sir" >"hey kid uuhhh... could I get... eerr... some viag(mumbles)" >I see the shame in his eyes 9 KB JPG >l hear the sadness in his voice >Neither the gold chain around his neck nor the sunglasses on his face can hide his long dead pride >Time to squeeze the knife >"You're gonna have to speak up, sir" >His gaze falls to the ground, weighed down by pure defeat >"Could I have... you know... the blue pill?" >Nice try, old man >"oh! you mean Viagra?" >His face twists in disgust for himself >"Y-yes, please" >I sell him the pills and then, for the first time, he looks into my eyes. >"You know... you have to be more discreet about this, kid" >My sides are about to f------ explode >"Oh sir, erectile disfunction is nothing to be ashamed of" >He looks as if I had just punched him in the stomach >Turns around and leaves >I laugh my ass off right after he's gone Torturing limp d--- boomers is the best part of my work day, what about you /b/?
| 38% 2:33 PM : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)13:08:24 No.850734581 >Be me >25 yo male >Work at a pharmacy >Boomer walks in >"Good evening, sir" >"hey kid uuhhh... could I get... eerr... some viag(mumbles)" >I see the shame in his eyes 9 KB JPG >l hear the sadness in his voice >Neither the gold chain around his neck nor the sunglasses on his face can hide his long dead pride >Time to squeeze the knife >"You're gonna have to speak up, sir" >His gaze falls to the ground, weighed down by pure defeat >"Could I have... you know... the blue pill?" >Nice try, old man >"oh! you mean Viagra?" >His face twists in disgust for himself >"Y-yes, please" >I sell him the pills and then, for the first time, he looks into my eyes. >"You know... you have to be more discreet about this, kid" >My sides are about to f------ explode >"Oh sir, erectile disfunction is nothing to be ashamed of" >He looks as if I had just punched him in the stomach >Turns around and leaves >I laugh my ass off right after he's gone Torturing limp d--- boomers is the best part of my work day, what about you /b/?

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Anon makes a plan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)14:28:03 No.850739061 >be me >be 7-year old kid >think about time travel >think someone might try to pretend they're future me to do Meme Sue University one over on me >come up with a secret hum to identify myself with if I ever meet 51 KB JPG a time-travel version of me >be prepared in case any time traveller tries to mess with me anyone else do this, /b/?
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)14:28:03 No.850739061 >be me >be 7-year old kid >think about time travel >think someone might try to pretend they're future me to do Meme Sue University one over on me >come up with a secret hum to identify myself with if I ever meet 51 KB JPG a time-travel version of me >be prepared in case any time traveller tries to mess with me anyone else do this, /b/?

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Anon is visited by penis fairy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)16:49:58 No.23850515 >got up the morning >check pants >penis fairy got me again How do you guys stop the penis fairy from putting glue on your penis when you wake up? So, the nightmare begins again. 306 KB PNG 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)16:49:58 No.23850515 >got up the morning >check pants >penis fairy got me again How do you guys stop the penis fairy from putting glue on your penis when you wake up? So, the nightmare begins again. 306 KB PNG 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon realize something important | /r/Greentext


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Here we go, the world is spinning. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:25:32 No.120221896 >Happy birthday son, here is your present, I hope you like it 206 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:26:39 No.120221944 >>120221896 (OP) # >WHAT THE F--- GIGACHAD? HAVEN'T YOU SEEN THE MOVIE? 513 KB PNG >>120222043 # : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:28:53 No.120222043 >>120221944 # >movie? Are you talking about this cool tape I found? 181 KB JPG >>120222100 # >>120222210 # : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:30:01 No.120222100 >>120222043 # >woah check it out I think she wants to suck my d--- bro haha 63 KB JPG >>120222210 # >>120222229 #
: Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:25:32 No.120221896 >Happy birthday son, here is your present, I hope you like it 206 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:26:39 No.120221944 >>120221896 (OP) # >WHAT THE F--- GIGACHAD? HAVEN'T YOU SEEN THE MOVIE? 513 KB PNG >>120222043 # : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:28:53 No.120222043 >>120221944 # >movie? Are you talking about this cool tape I found? 181 KB JPG >>120222100 # >>120222210 # : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:30:01 No.120222100 >>120222043 # >woah check it out I think she wants to suck my d--- bro haha 63 KB JPG >>120222210 # >>120222229 #

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Anon does asmr | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/21(Sun)02:09:07 No.843845416 066.png 69 KB PNG >decide to do ASMR videos >get banned from youtube for uploading 'ASMR roleplay: abortion clinic | lets scrap that fetus' Well that was a bust
: Anonymous 01/03/21(Sun)02:09:07 No.843845416 066.png 69 KB PNG >decide to do ASMR videos >get banned from youtube for uploading 'ASMR roleplay: abortion clinic | lets scrap that fetus' Well that was a bust

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Anon insults the cat | /r/Greentext

O Weird Memories Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)21:13:22 No.62946387 [Reply] D >jokingly call the cat a f----- >dad lectures me on animal abuse
O Weird Memories Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)21:13:22 No.62946387 [Reply] D >jokingly call the cat a f----- >dad lectures me on animal abuse

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Fake: Girls sends Anon nudes Gay: Anon unironically uses pog | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:19:40 No.850710433 >messaging girl for a while now >she finally sends me nudes >"what do you think of me, anon?" >type pog, it autocorrects to pig. >press send before I realise me mistake 5 KB JPG >she blocks me before I can explain Why must fate hurt me this way? : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:20:38 No.850710478 : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:21:12 No.850710505 >pog military grade cringe, die alone.
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:19:40 No.850710433 >messaging girl for a while now >she finally sends me nudes >"what do you think of me, anon?" >type pog, it autocorrects to pig. >press send before I realise me mistake 5 KB JPG >she blocks me before I can explain Why must fate hurt me this way? : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:20:38 No.850710478 : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:21:12 No.850710505 >pog military grade cringe, die alone.

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Anon tells university story | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/20/19(Sun)18:23:45 No.49234214 This one still hurts me >at the university basketball court >shooting hoops with some friends >free time for basketball ends, yoga class about to start >all the yoga qts file into the >me being the tall, athletic, cocky son of a 139 KB JPG gym gun that I am, start throwing down dunks to impress the ladies >two girls that I know approach me >"hey anon. Let's make a bet. If you go up for a dunk and miss, you have to take my friend here on a date" >qt friend giggles and smiles >agree, think to myself "f---, like I would ever miss a dunk. Especially in front of my boys" >everyone watching now >go up and throw down one of my best tomahawk slams >my friends go nuts >girls look at me sad and confused >walk up and awkwardly say "sorry, I don't miss dunks" >they don't say anything, just walk away >mfw I realize I was supposed to miss it on purpose Neither of them talked to me again >>49234236 # >>49234263 # >>49234298 # >>49234317 # >>49234412 # >>49234481 # >>49234664 # >>49234704 # >>49234739 # >>49234806 # >>49234817 # >>49234851 # >>49234921 #
: Anonymous 01/20/19(Sun)18:23:45 No.49234214 This one still hurts me >at the university basketball court >shooting hoops with some friends >free time for basketball ends, yoga class about to start >all the yoga qts file into the >me being the tall, athletic, cocky son of a 139 KB JPG gym gun that I am, start throwing down dunks to impress the ladies >two girls that I know approach me >"hey anon. Let's make a bet. If you go up for a dunk and miss, you have to take my friend here on a date" >qt friend giggles and smiles >agree, think to myself "f---, like I would ever miss a dunk. Especially in front of my boys" >everyone watching now >go up and throw down one of my best tomahawk slams >my friends go nuts >girls look at me sad and confused >walk up and awkwardly say "sorry, I don't miss dunks" >they don't say anything, just walk away >mfw I realize I was supposed to miss it on purpose Neither of them talked to me again >>49234236 # >>49234263 # >>49234298 # >>49234317 # >>49234412 # >>49234481 # >>49234664 # >>49234704 # >>49234739 # >>49234806 # >>49234817 # >>49234851 # >>49234921 #

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Anon controls the market | /r/Greentext

03/24/21(Wed)12:15:01 No.31710569 bog.jpg 22 KB JPG >economy is recovering? >block the canal
03/24/21(Wed)12:15:01 No.31710569 bog.jpg 22 KB JPG >economy is recovering? >block the canal

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