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Anon buys condoms | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)23:11:08 No.850533992 >go to store >buy box of magnum condoms >cashier girl blushes and gives me her number >guy behind me tells me 'go get em tiger' >walk out proudly 2 KB JPG >get home >blow condoms up and use them as drumsticks for air druming
: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)23:11:08 No.850533992 >go to store >buy box of magnum condoms >cashier girl blushes and gives me her number >guy behind me tells me 'go get em tiger' >walk out proudly 2 KB JPG >get home >blow condoms up and use them as drumsticks for air druming

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Anon is multitasking while in a calculus class | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)00:20:11 No.23833156 >mfw switching between 20 tabs of p--- during calculus class 159 KB JPG >>23833159 # >>23834865 #
: Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)00:20:11 No.23833156 >mfw switching between 20 tabs of p--- during calculus class 159 KB JPG >>23833159 # >>23834865 #

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Anon is a incel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)17:19:22 No.62913429 >How dare you judge a woman based on her PAST >It's not like it's shaped her into what she is NOW or has any influence on what she may do in the FUTURE! 55 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)17:30:17 No.62913552 >What the F--- do you mean you have STANDARDS?! >You're a f------ INCEL! 20 KB PNG
: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)17:19:22 No.62913429 >How dare you judge a woman based on her PAST >It's not like it's shaped her into what she is NOW or has any influence on what she may do in the FUTURE! 55 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)17:30:17 No.62913552 >What the F--- do you mean you have STANDARDS?! >You're a f------ INCEL! 20 KB PNG

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Anon likes dogs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/07/18(Wed)09:00:31 No.784213670 >be me >watching stupid videos on youtube >accidentally wake up pupper >pupper is not mad, just wants pats >goes back to sleep while getting A.W.E.S.O.M. - O 11 KB JPG pats I love my dog /b/. Why can't people be more like dogs
: Anonymous 11/07/18(Wed)09:00:31 No.784213670 >be me >watching stupid videos on youtube >accidentally wake up pupper >pupper is not mad, just wants pats >goes back to sleep while getting A.W.E.S.O.M. - O 11 KB JPG pats I love my dog /b/. Why can't people be more like dogs

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Anon plays the chad card | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)17:38:52 No.850507432 >be me >Instantly click with 8/10 girl >Spend lots of time with her >She is really touchy and laughs at every joke >Jokingly asks me on a date >Played the Alpha/chad card and 50 KB JPG basically rejected her >She's talking less and less with me >Started dating with some other guy And 3 am every day it jumps into my mind
: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)17:38:52 No.850507432 >be me >Instantly click with 8/10 girl >Spend lots of time with her >She is really touchy and laughs at every joke >Jokingly asks me on a date >Played the Alpha/chad card and 50 KB JPG basically rejected her >She's talking less and less with me >Started dating with some other guy And 3 am every day it jumps into my mind

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Anon makes a new post | /r/Greentext

File: Screenshot_20210325-08472(...).jpg (373 KB, 879x571) O Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)08:48:16 No.850485742 [Reply] >Вe 17 >Flying Fortress
File: Screenshot_20210325-08472(...).jpg (373 KB, 879x571) O Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)08:48:16 No.850485742 [Reply] >Вe 17 >Flying Fortress

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Anon plays splatoon | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun) 18:50:00 No.135118732 acion layer Nación layer Spoiler Image 108 KB JPG >find out my s----- country has Splatoon tournaments >nice, I'll participa... >the winner of last one got a f------ bunch of oranges >most of them aren't even ripe
E Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun) 18:50:00 No.135118732 acion layer Nación layer Spoiler Image 108 KB JPG >find out my s----- country has Splatoon tournaments >nice, I'll participa... >the winner of last one got a f------ bunch of oranges >most of them aren't even ripe

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Anon is a proud pervert | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)17:30:09 No.62909874 >made an onlyfans account so i could perv stalk a chick I worked with 2 years ago >bank froze my credit card >call the bank >female accountant answers 122 KB JPG >have to verify that I am a sad pervert >mfw I'm married btw I just came here to post this
: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)17:30:09 No.62909874 >made an onlyfans account so i could perv stalk a chick I worked with 2 years ago >bank froze my credit card >call the bank >female accountant answers 122 KB JPG >have to verify that I am a sad pervert >mfw I'm married btw I just came here to post this

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Anon black out | /r/Greentext

>be me >drinking vodka and singing old Irish songs with friends >l end up passing out >wake up to my phone stolen and wallet empty >call friends with home phone >"ya hey man sorry about that we 27 KB PNG were playing poker and you lost them to john ill give him a call" >john calls me >"hey anon do you want your s--- back I know you were drunk and all" >get my money and phone back >mfw im a respected part of my friend group
>be me >drinking vodka and singing old Irish songs with friends >l end up passing out >wake up to my phone stolen and wallet empty >call friends with home phone >"ya hey man sorry about that we 27 KB PNG were playing poker and you lost them to john ill give him a call" >john calls me >"hey anon do you want your s--- back I know you were drunk and all" >get my money and phone back >mfw im a respected part of my friend group

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Anon surprises his friends | /r/Greentext

04/29/13(Mon)12:45 No. 187606013 Anonymous File: (3 KB, 126x126, 1271706413287.jpg) >187605330 >Some friends are having a birthday for one of their younger brothers >They have a gamecube permanently turned on with pretty much everything unlocked in Smash Bros but no memory card (they were a bit poor) >l got him a memory card for his present >When no one is watching, save the Smash data >Little later, nonchalantly ask what's up with the gamecube, my hand is on the power button >Friend and his little brothers freak out as I turn it off >Smallest one is crying >"just kidding, happy birthday!" >Plug in the memory card and turn it back on >Save file corrupted
04/29/13(Mon)12:45 No. 187606013 Anonymous File: (3 KB, 126x126, 1271706413287.jpg) >187605330 >Some friends are having a birthday for one of their younger brothers >They have a gamecube permanently turned on with pretty much everything unlocked in Smash Bros but no memory card (they were a bit poor) >l got him a memory card for his present >When no one is watching, save the Smash data >Little later, nonchalantly ask what's up with the gamecube, my hand is on the power button >Friend and his little brothers freak out as I turn it off >Smallest one is crying >"just kidding, happy birthday!" >Plug in the memory card and turn it back on >Save file corrupted

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Anon wants to be a microwave | /r/Greentext

20 years ago >wanna become a microwave >get bullied for being a weirdo >grow up normal 6 KB JPG Now >wanna become a microwave >bullying is gone
20 years ago >wanna become a microwave >get bullied for being a weirdo >grow up normal 6 KB JPG Now >wanna become a microwave >bullying is gone

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Anon likes underwear | /r/Greentext

>be masturbating >got not internets >using my mind for adventure >think about how I would f--- my step mom 40 KB PNG >I find her used underwear >put it in my mouth >start sucking on it and biting it >c-- >get cleaned >look at underwear >it was my dads >mfw
>be masturbating >got not internets >using my mind for adventure >think about how I would f--- my step mom 40 KB PNG >I find her used underwear >put it in my mouth >start sucking on it and biting it >c-- >get cleaned >look at underwear >it was my dads >mfw

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Anon on the canal crisis | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: wj12aqLR ) We are f----- 03/25/21(Thu)14:58:09 No.313615150 >The entire world economy is allah commands you to move, ship! relying on some retard in a crane >May take WEEKS >Economy is already nosediving 393 KB PNG Giving the Suez to the Egyptians was a mistake.
: Anonymous (ID: wj12aqLR ) We are f----- 03/25/21(Thu)14:58:09 No.313615150 >The entire world economy is allah commands you to move, ship! relying on some retard in a crane >May take WEEKS >Economy is already nosediving 393 KB PNG Giving the Suez to the Egyptians was a mistake.

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The only thing /fit/izens can't lift is their phone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)13:53:37 No.60550609 >lift 5 times a week for 3 years >still get panic attacks from phone calls 5 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)13:53:37 No.60550609 >lift 5 times a week for 3 years >still get panic attacks from phone calls 5 KB JPG

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He could a been the champion of the world | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/24/21(Wed)21:09:10 No.62901665 >>62897044 (OP)# >be me >9 years old >think best friend stole my yugioh 40 KB JPG cards >he denies it >thats what a thief would say dot png >call his house on day >answer machine >uh uh bye >f--- >call again >uh mrs anon I think roboson stole my yugioh cards >hang up >feels good.mov >next day >call from Mrs anon >omg OP come round now and collect your cards Im so sorry >arrive feeling lower than Judas mixed with starscream >look at his cards >none of them are mine >oh s--- dot html >sorry mrs anon none of them are mine >lose best friend >kids make fun of me for being a taddle tail for like а year >still miss him sometimes Sorry bro
: Anonymous 03/24/21(Wed)21:09:10 No.62901665 >>62897044 (OP)# >be me >9 years old >think best friend stole my yugioh 40 KB JPG cards >he denies it >thats what a thief would say dot png >call his house on day >answer machine >uh uh bye >f--- >call again >uh mrs anon I think roboson stole my yugioh cards >hang up >feels good.mov >next day >call from Mrs anon >omg OP come round now and collect your cards Im so sorry >arrive feeling lower than Judas mixed with starscream >look at his cards >none of them are mine >oh s--- dot html >sorry mrs anon none of them are mine >lose best friend >kids make fun of me for being a taddle tail for like а year >still miss him sometimes Sorry bro

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choo choo :( | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:31:39 No.777406632 >you will never own a real train 207 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:34:04 No.777406758 yeah that is kind of sad. trains are cool. : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:40:18 No.777407058 248 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:31:39 No.777406632 >you will never own a real train 207 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:34:04 No.777406758 yeah that is kind of sad. trains are cool. : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:40:18 No.777407058 248 KB JPG

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Anon finally discovers the truth | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 49678806 43 mins ago .. >visit grandparents >walk by the kindergarten i attended 15 years ago >it says "for children with development delays" 32.6 kB PNG
Anonymous | 49678806 43 mins ago .. >visit grandparents >walk by the kindergarten i attended 15 years ago >it says "for children with development delays" 32.6 kB PNG

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Anon's mom finds the protein condoms | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)09:57:42 No.58869702 >tfw mom found the protein condoms 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)10:35:50 No.58870137 the what? 51 KB JPG >>58871699 # Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)12:34:28 No.58871699 >>58870137 # mom thinks whey is drugs so my brother and i hide protein in the toilet water tank in condoms
: Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)09:57:42 No.58869702 >tfw mom found the protein condoms 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)10:35:50 No.58870137 the what? 51 KB JPG >>58871699 # Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)12:34:28 No.58871699 >>58870137 # mom thinks whey is drugs so my brother and i hide protein in the toilet water tank in condoms

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Anon takes the chillpill. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)15:33:14 No.3847782 >Be me >Last summer >Walk around just in shorts without a top all summer >Becomes normal to me , clothes feel weird 234 KB PNG >Summer ends , still no clothes, don't feel cold >Still walking around in shorts and a vest in Winter >Fully climatized, weather doesn't bother me >Continue in -10° weather, still don't get cold >Try to wear a coat once , felt like a sauna , felt like I was going to pass out >Neveragain.exe >Everyone thinks i'm some subzero superhuman >Take the ChillPill
: Anonymous 03/25/21(Thu)15:33:14 No.3847782 >Be me >Last summer >Walk around just in shorts without a top all summer >Becomes normal to me , clothes feel weird 234 KB PNG >Summer ends , still no clothes, don't feel cold >Still walking around in shorts and a vest in Winter >Fully climatized, weather doesn't bother me >Continue in -10° weather, still don't get cold >Try to wear a coat once , felt like a sauna , felt like I was going to pass out >Neveragain.exe >Everyone thinks i'm some subzero superhuman >Take the ChillPill

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anon is a genius inventor | /r/Greentext

New type of Mene Stute Univesity SAD PEPE MD dr pepe fleshlight Anonymous 04/04/19 (Thu) 21:22:52 No.8788503 [Watch Thread] [Show All Posts] I mean if you really wanted something close to a living p---- I have suggestion. >acquire a cow or horse heart >I recommend cows >they are more readily available at butcher shops >Take a pair of jumper cables >attach them to the pulmenary artery and superior vena cavalry. >Apply salt to the surface and watch for the muscle contractions >now be sure the heart is fresh and/or has been stored in a cooler. >if not fresh you won't be able to get the muscles to contract >that ruins the whole experience. >get the battery pumping jolts through the muscles >gently insert your "shaft" into the inferior vena cava >feel the overwhelming ecstasy of pulsating, living organ you're penetrating. Just a suggestion.
New type of Mene Stute Univesity SAD PEPE MD dr pepe fleshlight Anonymous 04/04/19 (Thu) 21:22:52 No.8788503 [Watch Thread] [Show All Posts] I mean if you really wanted something close to a living p---- I have suggestion. >acquire a cow or horse heart >I recommend cows >they are more readily available at butcher shops >Take a pair of jumper cables >attach them to the pulmenary artery and superior vena cavalry. >Apply salt to the surface and watch for the muscle contractions >now be sure the heart is fresh and/or has been stored in a cooler. >if not fresh you won't be able to get the muscles to contract >that ruins the whole experience. >get the battery pumping jolts through the muscles >gently insert your "shaft" into the inferior vena cava >feel the overwhelming ecstasy of pulsating, living organ you're penetrating. Just a suggestion.

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