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Anon works at a funeral agency | /r/Greentext

12:28 : Anonymous 11/15/20(Sun)21:06:11 No.60926043 EVEN ON THE COLDEST NICHTS >>60925869 # F--- it might as well tell you all >work at funeral agency >have to meet up with the family to plan out the funeral >policy at work is to keep an understanding tone and not smile LEAT MY OWN C-- 170 KB PNG too much >suddenly get overcome by the knowledge of pic related. >my friend showed me this image a week ago and ever since then it has been appearing in my mind >i try my best not to smile >make it through the entire meeting without smiling while the image haunts me >at the end of the meeting youre supposed to say something inspirational and uplifting to the family >i want to say "even on the coldest nights, the warmth of our loved ones willI let us see the dawn once more" >"even on the coldest nights, i eat my own c--"
12:28 : Anonymous 11/15/20(Sun)21:06:11 No.60926043 EVEN ON THE COLDEST NICHTS >>60925869 # F--- it might as well tell you all >work at funeral agency >have to meet up with the family to plan out the funeral >policy at work is to keep an understanding tone and not smile LEAT MY OWN C-- 170 KB PNG too much >suddenly get overcome by the knowledge of pic related. >my friend showed me this image a week ago and ever since then it has been appearing in my mind >i try my best not to smile >make it through the entire meeting without smiling while the image haunts me >at the end of the meeting youre supposed to say something inspirational and uplifting to the family >i want to say "even on the coldest nights, the warmth of our loved ones willI let us see the dawn once more" >"even on the coldest nights, i eat my own c--"

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Oh I see the problem | /r/Greentext

drakenjosh.jpg 174 KB JPG >"Drake?" >"What?" >"Where is the body of Christ?"
drakenjosh.jpg 174 KB JPG >"Drake?" >"What?" >"Where is the body of Christ?"

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Anon finds a government conspiracy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)19:45:43 No.63037880 >some water pipes broke down in my commieblock >no cold water available >called the city plumber and they said they had a problem and because of Easter, it will only be 7 KB JPG fixed on Tuesday >meanwhile, I can't take a normal shower without receiving first degree burns, can't wash my clothes or even take a s--- without drowning it in gallons of hot water (which will give me a huge water bill at the end of the month) Holy f---, I'm so f------ mad, I'm thinking this is some government conspiracy so I don't leave my house during the holidays
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)19:45:43 No.63037880 >some water pipes broke down in my commieblock >no cold water available >called the city plumber and they said they had a problem and because of Easter, it will only be 7 KB JPG fixed on Tuesday >meanwhile, I can't take a normal shower without receiving first degree burns, can't wash my clothes or even take a s--- without drowning it in gallons of hot water (which will give me a huge water bill at the end of the month) Holy f---, I'm so f------ mad, I'm thinking this is some government conspiracy so I don't leave my house during the holidays

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Anon has a great job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)15:11:46 No.849659169 >be me >work as a phone salesman >95% of calls are old peope >nobody ever actually buys anything >get paid per time spent in calls >most old people are lonely and 110 KB PNG just want to talk >talk to old people about how they water their plants for hours >basically everyone at my job just talks to old people for 12 hours a day >even have regular callers that know us by names >supposed to advertise products but i actually just talk to grandma Lauren every day for 8 hours about how she used to live back in the day >she appears to forget what she said, repeats the same thing 10s of times. >my job is basically to register when Lauren made a pause in her speech and say "Very interesting, keep going"
: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)15:11:46 No.849659169 >be me >work as a phone salesman >95% of calls are old peope >nobody ever actually buys anything >get paid per time spent in calls >most old people are lonely and 110 KB PNG just want to talk >talk to old people about how they water their plants for hours >basically everyone at my job just talks to old people for 12 hours a day >even have regular callers that know us by names >supposed to advertise products but i actually just talk to grandma Lauren every day for 8 hours about how she used to live back in the day >she appears to forget what she said, repeats the same thing 10s of times. >my job is basically to register when Lauren made a pause in her speech and say "Very interesting, keep going"

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Anon gets healthy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)07:38:43 No.63047998 >take a break from fizzy drinks and juice >little by little introduce water as my main drink >Now water tastes absolutely delicious to me and drinking anyhting other than just doesnt sit 69 KB PNG right with me Admittedly I still drink alot of tea but this s--- is amazing. Hopefully when I have the money to buy my own groceries I can teach myself to love good food and exercise.
: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)07:38:43 No.63047998 >take a break from fizzy drinks and juice >little by little introduce water as my main drink >Now water tastes absolutely delicious to me and drinking anyhting other than just doesnt sit 69 KB PNG right with me Admittedly I still drink alot of tea but this s--- is amazing. Hopefully when I have the money to buy my own groceries I can teach myself to love good food and exercise.

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Anon ended racism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)15:37:53 No.851255686 >be black >go to 4chan >say white bois will be a minority in 30 years or some similar s--- >post bbc p--- >racism is no more 49 KB JPG Is this what they consider a victory? They beat racism by posting bbc p--- onto here? Don't you have something better to do? 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)15:58:08 No.851256370 >>851255686 (OP) # do you really think blacks post those threads?
: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)15:37:53 No.851255686 >be black >go to 4chan >say white bois will be a minority in 30 years or some similar s--- >post bbc p--- >racism is no more 49 KB JPG Is this what they consider a victory? They beat racism by posting bbc p--- onto here? Don't you have something better to do? 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)15:58:08 No.851256370 >>851255686 (OP) # do you really think blacks post those threads?

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Anon has sleep paralysis | /r/Greentext

Weirdest sleep paralysis story? I'll start >Wake up looking at ceiling >Can't move >Grudge looking ass baby comes in >Starts dancing on my chest SUtters these exact words "I MAY BE DEAD, BUT AT LEAST I HAVE DENTAL INSURANCE!" 6.7 kB JPG >Start laughing >He laughs with me >Kisses me on my nose "See ya again, buttercup!! >Wake up with my pants covered with semen I'm still spooked 2 REPLIES 1 IMAGE REPLY
Weirdest sleep paralysis story? I'll start >Wake up looking at ceiling >Can't move >Grudge looking ass baby comes in >Starts dancing on my chest SUtters these exact words "I MAY BE DEAD, BUT AT LEAST I HAVE DENTAL INSURANCE!" 6.7 kB JPG >Start laughing >He laughs with me >Kisses me on my nose "See ya again, buttercup!! >Wake up with my pants covered with semen I'm still spooked 2 REPLIES 1 IMAGE REPLY

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Anon's daughter doesn't do homework | /r/Greentext

File: dr-zoidberg-futurama-phil(...).jpg (22 KB, 480x320) O Anonymous (ID: UOlh4m-g) 09/26/14(Fri)12:57:27 No.570777907 > 22570778415 22570778547 2>570778902 >At home, married, 15 y/o daughter. >I love her, but she's kind of a bitch sometimes >One day, at home >get call from school >"Hey anon, your daughter hasn't been doing her homework" >wat >l ain't raisin no slacker >Go to her room >She's on her computer >Ask her about her homework >"F--- homework, l'll just marry a rich guy" >Become enraged >"I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD, I CAN TAKE YOU OUT OF IT!" >"F--- off dad." >Take off my pants >already rock hard >Pelvic thrust over to her >She tries to back off, but it's too late >My d--- touches her >She begins to melt back into j--- >Gets absorbed into my testicles >Find my wife in the other room >She sees my throbbing c---, instantly wants to f--- >F--- her brains out, and fill her with the mother of all loads that is my daughter >Her stomach swells to a frightening size, then contracts as she pushes out a 15 y/o son. >He does his f------ homework. Anonymous (ID: Nme/ovjr ) 09/26/14(Fri) 12:59:10 No.570778132 8/10 did not expect. Anonymous (ID: SY3UHMN ) 09/26/14(Fri)13:01:21 No.570778415 I File: 1396547862128.jpg (17 KB, 559x556) >>570777907 (OP) kek Anonymous (ID: ObQaKPxu ) 09/26/14(Fri)13:02:30 No.570778547 >>570777907 (OP) >Gets absorbed into my testicles top kek
File: dr-zoidberg-futurama-phil(...).jpg (22 KB, 480x320) O Anonymous (ID: UOlh4m-g) 09/26/14(Fri)12:57:27 No.570777907 > 22570778415 22570778547 2>570778902 >At home, married, 15 y/o daughter. >I love her, but she's kind of a bitch sometimes >One day, at home >get call from school >"Hey anon, your daughter hasn't been doing her homework" >wat >l ain't raisin no slacker >Go to her room >She's on her computer >Ask her about her homework >"F--- homework, l'll just marry a rich guy" >Become enraged >"I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD, I CAN TAKE YOU OUT OF IT!" >"F--- off dad." >Take off my pants >already rock hard >Pelvic thrust over to her >She tries to back off, but it's too late >My d--- touches her >She begins to melt back into j--- >Gets absorbed into my testicles >Find my wife in the other room >She sees my throbbing c---, instantly wants to f--- >F--- her brains out, and fill her with the mother of all loads that is my daughter >Her stomach swells to a frightening size, then contracts as she pushes out a 15 y/o son. >He does his f------ homework. Anonymous (ID: Nme/ovjr ) 09/26/14(Fri) 12:59:10 No.570778132 8/10 did not expect. Anonymous (ID: SY3UHMN ) 09/26/14(Fri)13:01:21 No.570778415 I File: 1396547862128.jpg (17 KB, 559x556) >>570777907 (OP) kek Anonymous (ID: ObQaKPxu ) 09/26/14(Fri)13:02:30 No.570778547 >>570777907 (OP) >Gets absorbed into my testicles top kek

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Anon is an author | /r/Greentext

I'm taking a creative writing class in college and have to write a short story. This is the story I wrote, don't hold back on opinions :) STARTTHG TOGR CAREER ASA freelance writer MOIRA ANDERSON ALLEN >Be me 36 KB JPG >In middle school >There's a girl in my class who's a solid 9/10 great ass t--- etc. >She always wears really short shorts and it always gives me a boner >one day I think of an idea >walking past her in the hallwayI drop my backpack and pretend to trip over it >as l'm falling I grab her shorts and pull them down with me >look up from the ground to get a view of that glorious p---- >instead I see the biggest c--- I've ever seen >easily 8.5 inches long >Everyone is looking at me shocked >have no idea what to do >nobody will believe it was an accident >panick and just start sucking her d--- >she's looking down at me paralyzed with surprise >pull my mouth away when she's about to c-- >her penis retracts about an inch, then shoots a small rock about 5 feet in the air >slap her ass and walk away >the end Feel free to give feedback on how I can improve, that's what writing is all about!
I'm taking a creative writing class in college and have to write a short story. This is the story I wrote, don't hold back on opinions :) STARTTHG TOGR CAREER ASA freelance writer MOIRA ANDERSON ALLEN >Be me 36 KB JPG >In middle school >There's a girl in my class who's a solid 9/10 great ass t--- etc. >She always wears really short shorts and it always gives me a boner >one day I think of an idea >walking past her in the hallwayI drop my backpack and pretend to trip over it >as l'm falling I grab her shorts and pull them down with me >look up from the ground to get a view of that glorious p---- >instead I see the biggest c--- I've ever seen >easily 8.5 inches long >Everyone is looking at me shocked >have no idea what to do >nobody will believe it was an accident >panick and just start sucking her d--- >she's looking down at me paralyzed with surprise >pull my mouth away when she's about to c-- >her penis retracts about an inch, then shoots a small rock about 5 feet in the air >slap her ass and walk away >the end Feel free to give feedback on how I can improve, that's what writing is all about!

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Anon loves his bagged pickle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/23/15(Wed)22:56:01 No.642863132 >>642860186 (OP) # >work at liqour store >see obviously underage girls enter and rush to the back >hear them whispering and discussing what to get >they grab heaven hill vodka >they try and check out and I ask for l'd >they "lost" it but one says her dad says its ok she's 22 >laugh at them and tell them gtfo >same girl tells me her dad is rich blah blah >they leave and I start eating a pickle in a bag >drive thru bell rings >walk over and see its the same girls >they freak out one says that there should have been someone else >I stare at them eating my pickle >they speed off >good pickle
: Anonymous 09/23/15(Wed)22:56:01 No.642863132 >>642860186 (OP) # >work at liqour store >see obviously underage girls enter and rush to the back >hear them whispering and discussing what to get >they grab heaven hill vodka >they try and check out and I ask for l'd >they "lost" it but one says her dad says its ok she's 22 >laugh at them and tell them gtfo >same girl tells me her dad is rich blah blah >they leave and I start eating a pickle in a bag >drive thru bell rings >walk over and see its the same girls >they freak out one says that there should have been someone else >I stare at them eating my pickle >they speed off >good pickle

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Anon has a sister | /r/Greentext

>Mom died right when I was born. >Grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. >Growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. >Be 17 or 18 at the time. >Notice that my sister is a hottie. >Accidentally found a video that she made of herself. >I thought she was so beautiful that I watched it twice or more. >Would have watched it a lot more, but crazy s--- went down and I had to leave home, typical. >At this point, totally lusting after my sister. >She was also having bad trouble with the law. >She was actually in custody when I left home. >Friend and I go to pick her up. >I have unnatural feelings for her; I think she has them too. >She kissed me when we picked her up from jail. >Definitely WAS NOT a sisterly kiss. >Friend told me he wants to get with my sister. >Jealous.jpg >Not much happened between me and my sister for a while. >Serious sexual tension between my friend, myself, and sister. >I get hurt badly and almost die. >While in recover, sister gives me another not sisterly kiss and neck rub. >We spend some time apart. >I got really religious, try not to think of her that way anymore. >l was totally over her. >We go sailing a year later (nothing romantic happens). >She's in the hottest bikini ever. >All those feelings come back. >She ends up with my friend from before. >After all this, we were at a party. >Sister and I were outside alone. >Kill the mood by telling her that Darth Vader is our father and I have to go face him.
>Mom died right when I was born. >Grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. >Growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. >Be 17 or 18 at the time. >Notice that my sister is a hottie. >Accidentally found a video that she made of herself. >I thought she was so beautiful that I watched it twice or more. >Would have watched it a lot more, but crazy s--- went down and I had to leave home, typical. >At this point, totally lusting after my sister. >She was also having bad trouble with the law. >She was actually in custody when I left home. >Friend and I go to pick her up. >I have unnatural feelings for her; I think she has them too. >She kissed me when we picked her up from jail. >Definitely WAS NOT a sisterly kiss. >Friend told me he wants to get with my sister. >Jealous.jpg >Not much happened between me and my sister for a while. >Serious sexual tension between my friend, myself, and sister. >I get hurt badly and almost die. >While in recover, sister gives me another not sisterly kiss and neck rub. >We spend some time apart. >I got really religious, try not to think of her that way anymore. >l was totally over her. >We go sailing a year later (nothing romantic happens). >She's in the hottest bikini ever. >All those feelings come back. >She ends up with my friend from before. >After all this, we were at a party. >Sister and I were outside alone. >Kill the mood by telling her that Darth Vader is our father and I have to go face him.

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Anon is constipated | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:54:45 No.848100344 >be me >frequently have liquid s---- >doc recommends I start taking Metamucil (fiber supplement) >read the instructions >it says take two scoops and mix it in water 225 KB JPG >my dumb ass assumed 1 scoop = 1 cup >grab my big gallon water bottle, put two cups of it in and mix it with water >chug >fast forward five days >haven't shat yet >can feel the baby sized turd growing in me >chug a bunch of coffee to trigger a bowel movement >sit on toilet for three hours as I push a f------ football out of my a------ >feel like I'm getting f----- in the prison showers >it seriously feels like my a------ is being ripped open >keep pushing >relief >s--- was the size of a $5 footlong sub >have to break it down with the plunger to flush it Now I'm considering doing it again cause the feeling it had on my a------ kinda turned me on. Thoughts?
: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:54:45 No.848100344 >be me >frequently have liquid s---- >doc recommends I start taking Metamucil (fiber supplement) >read the instructions >it says take two scoops and mix it in water 225 KB JPG >my dumb ass assumed 1 scoop = 1 cup >grab my big gallon water bottle, put two cups of it in and mix it with water >chug >fast forward five days >haven't shat yet >can feel the baby sized turd growing in me >chug a bunch of coffee to trigger a bowel movement >sit on toilet for three hours as I push a f------ football out of my a------ >feel like I'm getting f----- in the prison showers >it seriously feels like my a------ is being ripped open >keep pushing >relief >s--- was the size of a $5 footlong sub >have to break it down with the plunger to flush it Now I'm considering doing it again cause the feeling it had on my a------ kinda turned me on. Thoughts?

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Anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

253243234554.jpg 18 KB JPG >open steam library >stare at games >open chrome >"google.com" >stare at screen >"youtube.com" >scroll down >close browser >stare at desktop icons of games >open steam library >repeat for 3 hours until it's socially acceptable to start making noise
253243234554.jpg 18 KB JPG >open steam library >stare at games >open chrome >"google.com" >stare at screen >"youtube.com" >scroll down >close browser >stare at desktop icons of games >open steam library >repeat for 3 hours until it's socially acceptable to start making noise

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Anon on school shootings | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)22:26:52 No.63041462 >Person gets bullied because they ''deserve""' it >School gets shot up because their life is an IRL hell >Normalfags cry about it but don't change their ways Why are they such retards? 40 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)22:26:52 No.63041462 >Person gets bullied because they ''deserve""' it >School gets shot up because their life is an IRL hell >Normalfags cry about it but don't change their ways Why are they such retards? 40 KB JPG

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What in the god damn fuck did you just say Private Howzer | /r/Greentext

>>25237121 # >Sarge comes in >"ACCORDING TO NEW REGULATIONS, THE ARMY MUST PROVIDE M----------- MATERIAL ACCORDING TO SOLDIER'S TASTES!" >Some smiles are had. >'AND PROVIDE A 'SAFE' ENVIRONMENT TO DEPLOY THIS P----------!" >Bigger grins. No more fapping in the port-a- s-------! >"NOW, THEN! STEP UP AS I CALL YOUR NAME.!" >The other shoe drops... >"PRIVATE JENKINS! BIG B--------- CUCKOLD P---!" >"PRIVATE MURPHY! TENTACLE AND ALIEN CHICK P---!" >"PRIVATE LEEB! FURRY F----- SHOTA P--- WITH DIAPER PLAY AND FURRY-ON-HUMAN GAY R--- AND TRANSFORMATION!" >..f------ furries. >"PRIVATE HOWZER! Uh.." >The grizzled Sarge pauses.. he's not sure what to make of this.. >".AN-an..anthro-puh-morfic aircraft on.. tank.. p---? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, PRIVATE?!" >"Private Howzer sexually identifies as an Attack Helicopter, Sergeant!"
>>25237121 # >Sarge comes in >"ACCORDING TO NEW REGULATIONS, THE ARMY MUST PROVIDE M----------- MATERIAL ACCORDING TO SOLDIER'S TASTES!" >Some smiles are had. >'AND PROVIDE A 'SAFE' ENVIRONMENT TO DEPLOY THIS P----------!" >Bigger grins. No more fapping in the port-a- s-------! >"NOW, THEN! STEP UP AS I CALL YOUR NAME.!" >The other shoe drops... >"PRIVATE JENKINS! BIG B--------- CUCKOLD P---!" >"PRIVATE MURPHY! TENTACLE AND ALIEN CHICK P---!" >"PRIVATE LEEB! FURRY F----- SHOTA P--- WITH DIAPER PLAY AND FURRY-ON-HUMAN GAY R--- AND TRANSFORMATION!" >..f------ furries. >"PRIVATE HOWZER! Uh.." >The grizzled Sarge pauses.. he's not sure what to make of this.. >".AN-an..anthro-puh-morfic aircraft on.. tank.. p---? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, PRIVATE?!" >"Private Howzer sexually identifies as an Attack Helicopter, Sergeant!"

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Anon is a thot slayer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Roastie W---- Dresses Like Slu...) 04/03/21(Sat)09:49:30 No.63033556 Woman spots man's alleged creepy behavior in gym mirror: 'What do you think?" Katie Mather Thu, April 1, 2021, 1:14 PM saw it crazy for thinking it 20210402_221655.jpg| 669 KB JPG >does stupid ass workout for attention on tiktok >chad comes behind her to snap a pic for his cringe compilation >makes national news well boys, was he in the wrong? 39 Replies / 10 Images View Thread
: Anonymous Roastie W---- Dresses Like Slu...) 04/03/21(Sat)09:49:30 No.63033556 Woman spots man's alleged creepy behavior in gym mirror: 'What do you think?" Katie Mather Thu, April 1, 2021, 1:14 PM saw it crazy for thinking it 20210402_221655.jpg| 669 KB JPG >does stupid ass workout for attention on tiktok >chad comes behind her to snap a pic for his cringe compilation >makes national news well boys, was he in the wrong? 39 Replies / 10 Images View Thread

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Anon gets what he deserves | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/21 (Mon)19:01:23 No.62658503 >finish c-------- >drop it in can >mfw it's the soda I just walked into the kitchen to get 33 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/08/21 (Mon)20:36:36 No.62659783 Smoking inside is gross and you deserve this.
: Anonymous 03/08/21 (Mon)19:01:23 No.62658503 >finish c-------- >drop it in can >mfw it's the soda I just walked into the kitchen to get 33 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/08/21 (Mon)20:36:36 No.62659783 Smoking inside is gross and you deserve this.

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Anon gets a haircut | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)20:18:37 No.63040027 >showing barber picture of the haircut I want >let him hold my phone >swipes by accident >sees pictures of my girlfriend spreading her p--- for me 32 KB JPG Never going back there
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)20:18:37 No.63040027 >showing barber picture of the haircut I want >let him hold my phone >swipes by accident >sees pictures of my girlfriend spreading her p--- for me 32 KB JPG Never going back there

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Paki doc played anon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)18:29:51 No.60719464 ► >>60718447 >be p--- doctor >be f----- >some twink comes in to see me >complains that his balls hurt >damnthiswhiteboyissexy.png >tell him to dance for me >"w-what?" >"just do it" >he actually does it >have a hard on the whole time >tell him it's nothing to worry about and to go home >j------- in my office
Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)18:29:51 No.60719464 ► >>60718447 >be p--- doctor >be f----- >some twink comes in to see me >complains that his balls hurt >damnthiswhiteboyissexy.png >tell him to dance for me >"w-what?" >"just do it" >he actually does it >have a hard on the whole time >tell him it's nothing to worry about and to go home >j------- in my office

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Anon got played by paki doc | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:14:45 No.60718447 >>60722626 File: 10101.png (64 KB, 507x540) >>60718660 >>60719132 >>60719464 >testicular torsion >go to hospital due to agonising pain >doctor sees me >he is P---, barely speaks english >asks me if I have done any dancing in the last week >l say yes, I have, I was in a dance class at the time, and had spent all week creating a dance to the Monster Mash >he makes me f------ DEMONSTRATE even through the pain >i show him the dance, at the bit of the song where it goes 'whatever happened to my translyvania twist?" I do an upper body twirl and make dracula eating pose >the doctor says that the dancing might have caused temporary soreness if i wasn't wearing a cup, sends me home >still in agony, go to a different hospital >get diagnosed with torsion >avoided losing bollock by about 20 minutes
Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:14:45 No.60718447 >>60722626 File: 10101.png (64 KB, 507x540) >>60718660 >>60719132 >>60719464 >testicular torsion >go to hospital due to agonising pain >doctor sees me >he is P---, barely speaks english >asks me if I have done any dancing in the last week >l say yes, I have, I was in a dance class at the time, and had spent all week creating a dance to the Monster Mash >he makes me f------ DEMONSTRATE even through the pain >i show him the dance, at the bit of the song where it goes 'whatever happened to my translyvania twist?" I do an upper body twirl and make dracula eating pose >the doctor says that the dancing might have caused temporary soreness if i wasn't wearing a cup, sends me home >still in agony, go to a different hospital >get diagnosed with torsion >avoided losing bollock by about 20 minutes

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