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Anon pranks his friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)15:21:12 No.851204323 ► >driving with friend >accidentally grab his leg instead of gearstick >we laugh as I park the car and unzip his pants >friend is laughing because he knows it just a joke >start sucking his d--- on this empty parking lot >almost choke on his d--- because im laughing so hard >friend also laughing and starts making train noises >BROJOB! BROJOB! CHOO CHOO >he c--- and I swallow it like some f----- >friend kisses me and calls me a f----- while we both laughing our ass off gotta love playing pranks on my friends
Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)15:21:12 No.851204323 ► >driving with friend >accidentally grab his leg instead of gearstick >we laugh as I park the car and unzip his pants >friend is laughing because he knows it just a joke >start sucking his d--- on this empty parking lot >almost choke on his d--- because im laughing so hard >friend also laughing and starts making train noises >BROJOB! BROJOB! CHOO CHOO >he c--- and I swallow it like some f----- >friend kisses me and calls me a f----- while we both laughing our ass off gotta love playing pranks on my friends

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Anon gets bluepilled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)16:47:53 No.63038161 >meet stacy >she's actually a nice person who talks to me and asks me how im doing Why did you lie to me, bros? 25 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)16:47:53 No.63038161 >meet stacy >she's actually a nice person who talks to me and asks me how im doing Why did you lie to me, bros? 25 KB JPG

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Anon is delusional | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:33:52 No.851196322 >girl at work laughed at my joke >instantly think she's in love with me >any girl looks in my general direction >instantly fall in love >girl speaks to me in any context >imagine our future together and 14 KB JPG wonder what our wedding will be like Why am I like this? Is there something wrong with me? Am I retarded?
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:33:52 No.851196322 >girl at work laughed at my joke >instantly think she's in love with me >any girl looks in my general direction >instantly fall in love >girl speaks to me in any context >imagine our future together and 14 KB JPG wonder what our wedding will be like Why am I like this? Is there something wrong with me? Am I retarded?

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Anon comes out at a young age | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)23:07:48 No.851013447 >be me. >Really young Probably around 7 or 8. >Watch some documentary on squids. >Decide I like tentacles. >Run into family gathering 228 KB PNG >Everyones enjoying their meal, talking, and having fun. >Walk right in the middle of the room and loudly Proclaim, I LIKE TESTICLES! 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)23:11:28 No.851013675 This is called a freudian slip, OP.
: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)23:07:48 No.851013447 >be me. >Really young Probably around 7 or 8. >Watch some documentary on squids. >Decide I like tentacles. >Run into family gathering 228 KB PNG >Everyones enjoying their meal, talking, and having fun. >Walk right in the middle of the room and loudly Proclaim, I LIKE TESTICLES! 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)23:11:28 No.851013675 This is called a freudian slip, OP.

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Anon is black | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/10/15(Wed)18:36:56 No.621001167 File: 1431390658033 jpg (37 KB, 406x536) >>620999981 similar thing happened to me >Be in third grade >All the kids picking on me because I'm black >Feelsbadman. jpg >Be at recess trying to fit in with all the other kids >Some kid talking about p--- >Up until this point I thought everyone was the same >Babies come from the stork n s--- >Didn't believe him >Tomboyish girl pulls down her pants and makes me pull down mine >Compare >l gotta d--- >She don't >Tfw first time seeing a vagina >Pic Related >Conversation is now about how my penis is bigger than all the other kids >Everyone making fun of me for having a big penis for a 3rd grader >Kinda upset because once again I didn't fit in >Compare penis to the other kids on the playground >Mine is considerably bigger >Some kid says it's because I'm black >Confused.jpg >Recess is over >Fast forward a few hours >Mom picks me up from school >Get in car >Asked me how my day went >Tell her about the other kids picking on me again >She asks why >I tell her something to the effect of "They were making fun of me because my penis was bigger than theirs" >She tells me that's nothing to be ashamed of >Tell her "They said it's because I'm black" >She says "No, it's not because you're black, it's because you're 26. >Mfw
Anonymous 06/10/15(Wed)18:36:56 No.621001167 File: 1431390658033 jpg (37 KB, 406x536) >>620999981 similar thing happened to me >Be in third grade >All the kids picking on me because I'm black >Feelsbadman. jpg >Be at recess trying to fit in with all the other kids >Some kid talking about p--- >Up until this point I thought everyone was the same >Babies come from the stork n s--- >Didn't believe him >Tomboyish girl pulls down her pants and makes me pull down mine >Compare >l gotta d--- >She don't >Tfw first time seeing a vagina >Pic Related >Conversation is now about how my penis is bigger than all the other kids >Everyone making fun of me for having a big penis for a 3rd grader >Kinda upset because once again I didn't fit in >Compare penis to the other kids on the playground >Mine is considerably bigger >Some kid says it's because I'm black >Confused.jpg >Recess is over >Fast forward a few hours >Mom picks me up from school >Get in car >Asked me how my day went >Tell her about the other kids picking on me again >She asks why >I tell her something to the effect of "They were making fun of me because my penis was bigger than theirs" >She tells me that's nothing to be ashamed of >Tell her "They said it's because I'm black" >She says "No, it's not because you're black, it's because you're 26. >Mfw

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Anon regrets being first | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)13:13:54 No.63036698 >between 40 million and 1.2 billion sperm cells in a single e---------- >i'm the one who got there first f------ so sorry dad. shoulda just veered left 43 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)13:13:54 No.63036698 >between 40 million and 1.2 billion sperm cells in a single e---------- >i'm the one who got there first f------ so sorry dad. shoulda just veered left 43 KB JPG

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Anon has a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E 03/27/21(Sat)00:25:05 No.62933648 >take gf to store to get groceries >buy her whatever she wants because I love her >plan to make lasagna together when we get home >but UH OH she spotted a rival female at the store so she has a f------ ridiculous self-pitying insecure meltdown as if I'm going to dump her right there in the cookie aisle and chase after some random thot I've never seen before 58 KB JPG and barely noticed anyway >fight all the way through the store >fight all the way home >fight as we make lasagna >fight after eating >still fighting now ALL BECAUSE THIS C--- SAW ONE OTHER F------ WOMAN SOMEWHERE IN PUBLIC I'm this [] close to just dumping this stupid c---, lI'm so tired of every f------ day being her moaning and whining about the fact that prettier girls than her exist, as if that's something can f------ control and can be blamed for I would like to stay with her because we get along and have built a decent little lifestyle together that works for us but I can't even buy the bitch lasagna noodles and ricotta without her having a f------ meltdown that random thot #45842735714812931203 has bigger t--- or skinnier arms or whatever the f--- she's mad about today
: Anonymous E 03/27/21(Sat)00:25:05 No.62933648 >take gf to store to get groceries >buy her whatever she wants because I love her >plan to make lasagna together when we get home >but UH OH she spotted a rival female at the store so she has a f------ ridiculous self-pitying insecure meltdown as if I'm going to dump her right there in the cookie aisle and chase after some random thot I've never seen before 58 KB JPG and barely noticed anyway >fight all the way through the store >fight all the way home >fight as we make lasagna >fight after eating >still fighting now ALL BECAUSE THIS C--- SAW ONE OTHER F------ WOMAN SOMEWHERE IN PUBLIC I'm this [] close to just dumping this stupid c---, lI'm so tired of every f------ day being her moaning and whining about the fact that prettier girls than her exist, as if that's something can f------ control and can be blamed for I would like to stay with her because we get along and have built a decent little lifestyle together that works for us but I can't even buy the bitch lasagna noodles and ricotta without her having a f------ meltdown that random thot #45842735714812931203 has bigger t--- or skinnier arms or whatever the f--- she's mad about today

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anon gets a haircut | /r/Greentext

File: download.png (6 KB, 212x238) Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:54:00 No.63039163 > 10 years ago > 17 years old > go to the same barbers every month for 3 years > go in one day and ask for the usual > barber pauses > "what's the usual?" > my heart breaks that I wasn't remembered after all these years > holding back tears, I tell him what I want > never go back again
File: download.png (6 KB, 212x238) Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:54:00 No.63039163 > 10 years ago > 17 years old > go to the same barbers every month for 3 years > go in one day and ask for the usual > barber pauses > "what's the usual?" > my heart breaks that I wasn't remembered after all these years > holding back tears, I tell him what I want > never go back again

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Anon on youtubers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)12:34:54 No.63036376 >Good youtuber starts making more quality content and putting in the work >Starts inserting his personal life into his work Why do they always do this I don't care how your grandpa died 130 KB JPG or how mario 64 made your butthole tingle
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)12:34:54 No.63036376 >Good youtuber starts making more quality content and putting in the work >Starts inserting his personal life into his work Why do they always do this I don't care how your grandpa died 130 KB JPG or how mario 64 made your butthole tingle

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Anon checks if he has covid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)12:49:26 No.85120271 autism stories, i'll start > be me > be sick > fever, chills, headache, etc > feels bad man > what if I have the rona 54 KB JPG > apparently you cant smell or taste if you have it > be taking s--- > wipe ass > try and put toilet paper by nose to see if i can smell > sperg out and accidentally touch face with s---- saturated TP > on the bright side I can smell > mfw
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)12:49:26 No.85120271 autism stories, i'll start > be me > be sick > fever, chills, headache, etc > feels bad man > what if I have the rona 54 KB JPG > apparently you cant smell or taste if you have it > be taking s--- > wipe ass > try and put toilet paper by nose to see if i can smell > sperg out and accidentally touch face with s---- saturated TP > on the bright side I can smell > mfw

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Anon makes things more awkward | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)18:55:59 No.63037549 >in math class >sitting between two girls >shuffle in chair slightly and it makes a creaking sound that sounds a little bit like a fart >get paranoid and look around >girls don't seem to have noticed >relax 95 KB PNG >paranoia kicks in >think they heard for sure and are pretending to ignore it to not make things awkward >decide to shuffle again to make the sound just to show them that it definitely wasn't a fart >shuffleshuffleshuffle >chair makes the loudest creak that sounds EXACTLY like a fart >girls look at me with disgust why the f--- does this happen to me? if there is a god he hates me and uses me for his amusement 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)19:00:53 No.63037586 >>63037549 (OP) # You should've said "that wasn't a fart" and then ripped a mean one to prove it to them. 912 KB PNG
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)18:55:59 No.63037549 >in math class >sitting between two girls >shuffle in chair slightly and it makes a creaking sound that sounds a little bit like a fart >get paranoid and look around >girls don't seem to have noticed >relax 95 KB PNG >paranoia kicks in >think they heard for sure and are pretending to ignore it to not make things awkward >decide to shuffle again to make the sound just to show them that it definitely wasn't a fart >shuffleshuffleshuffle >chair makes the loudest creak that sounds EXACTLY like a fart >girls look at me with disgust why the f--- does this happen to me? if there is a god he hates me and uses me for his amusement 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)19:00:53 No.63037586 >>63037549 (OP) # You should've said "that wasn't a fart" and then ripped a mean one to prove it to them. 912 KB PNG

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Anon has a psycho girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)07:02:00 No.851171259 What is wrong with my girlfriend, /b/? There's gotta be something psychologically going on, right? Daddy) >She doesn't let me have female friends 261 KB JPG >Gets upset when I even mention other women in stories >Has climbed my fence, went through my doggy door, and tried to break into my window when I didn't wanna see her >Called me 100 times until I blocked her, did the *67 thing to turn off caller ID and called another 100 times >Has tried to an hero multiple times because she believed I was leaving her >Has threatened to kill certain women in my life, usually saying she'll stab them. Also threatens to vandalize their property >Says she wouldn't feel bad if *a handful of people she claims did her wrong* died, sometimes says she'd kill them if she could get away with it >Literally has no friends, I'm the only person her world seems to revolve around >Love bombs the F--- out of me before acting crazy >Makes morbid jokes. Like saying she'll kill our cat, turn him into a chili and feed him to me >Always always always wants sex. Constantly horny
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)07:02:00 No.851171259 What is wrong with my girlfriend, /b/? There's gotta be something psychologically going on, right? Daddy) >She doesn't let me have female friends 261 KB JPG >Gets upset when I even mention other women in stories >Has climbed my fence, went through my doggy door, and tried to break into my window when I didn't wanna see her >Called me 100 times until I blocked her, did the *67 thing to turn off caller ID and called another 100 times >Has tried to an hero multiple times because she believed I was leaving her >Has threatened to kill certain women in my life, usually saying she'll stab them. Also threatens to vandalize their property >Says she wouldn't feel bad if *a handful of people she claims did her wrong* died, sometimes says she'd kill them if she could get away with it >Literally has no friends, I'm the only person her world seems to revolve around >Love bombs the F--- out of me before acting crazy >Makes morbid jokes. Like saying she'll kill our cat, turn him into a chili and feed him to me >Always always always wants sex. Constantly horny

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Anons dad isn't the brightest | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Driving with pops 04/03/21(Sat)17:10:28 No.63038341 >Be me >Driving old truck with dad >He asks how much gas left >"3/8 tank" >Dad smugly glances over at gauge >"Lol no. Less than half, more than a quarter." 4 KB JPG >Am 25 >mfw : Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:12:28 No.63038356 >>63038341 (OP) # I'm sorry anon, but your dad is an idiot. I'm afraid it's terminal, there's nothing you can do.
: Anonymous Driving with pops 04/03/21(Sat)17:10:28 No.63038341 >Be me >Driving old truck with dad >He asks how much gas left >"3/8 tank" >Dad smugly glances over at gauge >"Lol no. Less than half, more than a quarter." 4 KB JPG >Am 25 >mfw : Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:12:28 No.63038356 >>63038341 (OP) # I'm sorry anon, but your dad is an idiot. I'm afraid it's terminal, there's nothing you can do.

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Anon is royalty | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Há 47 minutos 63038692 >be king >my people invent something and present it to me >it's a "camera" >it takes "pictures" out of a tube >a tube >takes square pictures >w-- >hang country for witchcraft 2 REPLIES
Anonymous Há 47 minutos 63038692 >be king >my people invent something and present it to me >it's a "camera" >it takes "pictures" out of a tube >a tube >takes square pictures >w-- >hang country for witchcraft 2 REPLIES

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Anon is glad he‘s uncircumcised | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)14:05:51 No.851190383 >tfw you have an uncut pp >tfw you don't even need lube to j------- >tfw super sensitive >ffw no jew doctor tried to mutilate feels good man 80 KB JPG you >ffw no retarded parents >tfw foreskin master race God I love my uncut pp
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)14:05:51 No.851190383 >tfw you have an uncut pp >tfw you don't even need lube to j------- >tfw super sensitive >ffw no jew doctor tried to mutilate feels good man 80 KB JPG you >ffw no retarded parents >tfw foreskin master race God I love my uncut pp

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Anon want to go back to 2008 again | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)23:04:23 No.63028379 2008: >Pretty easy to find likeminded people on the internet >You don't even have to strain playing vidya is enough to find them 84 KB PNG >friendlist keeps growing >no faggotry involved just having a fun time 2015 >Maybe two of them are left but they stopped talking to you >Everyone and their mother now sits in le sicrit club discord >server rules are a page long essay >It's either centered around normalfags or trannies >posting anything deemed problematic will get you banned in a blink of an eye >no real discussion present >there are the same five people circlejerking nonstop >lf an actual discussion takes place it will quickly be shut down by the mods Am I just too old for this b------- or why has it become so hard to find decent people to talk with? Where did all you anons go? 17 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)23:04:23 No.63028379 2008: >Pretty easy to find likeminded people on the internet >You don't even have to strain playing vidya is enough to find them 84 KB PNG >friendlist keeps growing >no faggotry involved just having a fun time 2015 >Maybe two of them are left but they stopped talking to you >Everyone and their mother now sits in le sicrit club discord >server rules are a page long essay >It's either centered around normalfags or trannies >posting anything deemed problematic will get you banned in a blink of an eye >no real discussion present >there are the same five people circlejerking nonstop >lf an actual discussion takes place it will quickly be shut down by the mods Am I just too old for this b------- or why has it become so hard to find decent people to talk with? Where did all you anons go? 17 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Shitposting in Ancient China. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/07/20(Sat)13:01:45 No.9774041 >>9773606 (OP) # During the Warring States era China, the chief diplomat of the State of Qi, Yan Zi, was a walking shitpost. 31 KB JPG >Be Yan Zi, a famed diplomat from the State of Qi. >Appointed ambassador to the kingdom of Chu, which was a large, powerful, and famously a------ kingdom during the Warring States. >Chus King seeks to humiliate you. >King orders you to enter the city walls in the smallest of gates called "the Dog Gate" >Yan Zi: "Of course! What was I thinking! One must use a dog gate in a dog country! I must not insult the great State of Ch'u by doing no less!" >Piss off King. He demands your presence. >King takes a look at you and says "Qi must be as scant in population as its people are short in body like you are, kek." >Yan Zi "Actually, we're quite populated thank you, and our people are renowned for splendor of body and mind. In Qi, though, we select our ambassadors according to the worth of the country they are sent and- as you correctly deduced, your Majesty- I am the shortest and least clever man of Qi." >>9774063 # >>9774074 # >>9774077 # >>9774090 # >>9774147 # >>9774258 # >>9774265 # >>9774373 # Anoni mour
: Anonymous 11/07/20(Sat)13:01:45 No.9774041 >>9773606 (OP) # During the Warring States era China, the chief diplomat of the State of Qi, Yan Zi, was a walking shitpost. 31 KB JPG >Be Yan Zi, a famed diplomat from the State of Qi. >Appointed ambassador to the kingdom of Chu, which was a large, powerful, and famously a------ kingdom during the Warring States. >Chus King seeks to humiliate you. >King orders you to enter the city walls in the smallest of gates called "the Dog Gate" >Yan Zi: "Of course! What was I thinking! One must use a dog gate in a dog country! I must not insult the great State of Ch'u by doing no less!" >Piss off King. He demands your presence. >King takes a look at you and says "Qi must be as scant in population as its people are short in body like you are, kek." >Yan Zi "Actually, we're quite populated thank you, and our people are renowned for splendor of body and mind. In Qi, though, we select our ambassadors according to the worth of the country they are sent and- as you correctly deduced, your Majesty- I am the shortest and least clever man of Qi." >>9774063 # >>9774074 # >>9774077 # >>9774090 # >>9774147 # >>9774258 # >>9774265 # >>9774373 # Anoni mour

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Helen Killer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)17:42:02 No.63028868 >Someone tries to talk to me at work >Don't wanna talk to them so I just walk by and smile and wave >I never talk to anyone at my s----- wage job >Get reported to office and lectured 20 KB JPG about treating others with respect What the f--- l'm quitting this s----- f------ S--- what about respecting my choice to be a f------ mute and just leave me alone
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)17:42:02 No.63028868 >Someone tries to talk to me at work >Don't wanna talk to them so I just walk by and smile and wave >I never talk to anyone at my s----- wage job >Get reported to office and lectured 20 KB JPG about treating others with respect What the f--- l'm quitting this s----- f------ S--- what about respecting my choice to be a f------ mute and just leave me alone

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Sparks fly | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/01/21(Thu)23:45:25 No.60695316 Bros I just went to the gym today >benching le le >girl nearby I ask to spot me >blast through first 8 reps >last rep, having trouble >she reaches over to grab the bar >see the balls through her shorts yle 560 KB PNG I don't think i'm going back
: Anonymous 04/01/21(Thu)23:45:25 No.60695316 Bros I just went to the gym today >benching le le >girl nearby I ask to spot me >blast through first 8 reps >last rep, having trouble >she reaches over to grab the bar >see the balls through her shorts yle 560 KB PNG I don't think i'm going back

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Watch the throne | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)22:45:15 No.63032572 >Getting on the elevator in my apartment building >Some girl I've never seen before is rushing towards the elevator while holding a bunch of packages and bags 78 KB PNG >l press the open door button to let her in, and then close door >She doesn't say thank you, and before I can ask what floor she's going to, she says, "Floor 9, please." >Realize what a selfish bitch she is to have her hands floor and yet think she's entitled to have someone do all the work in the elevator for her >When we reach the third floor, the door opens to let me out >Bitch is flopping around with her keys already, even though her hands are already full >Press every single button from 4 up until 9 >"There, I've pressed all of them for you." >Leave without pressing the close door button, meaning she'll have to unravel herself from her packages to press it herself unless she wants to wait ten-million years for the door to close on its %3D own >She'll have to do this on every single floor up until floor 9 as well >Quickly walk away while I hear, "Of all the f------- -" trail off behind me Stupid c---.
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)22:45:15 No.63032572 >Getting on the elevator in my apartment building >Some girl I've never seen before is rushing towards the elevator while holding a bunch of packages and bags 78 KB PNG >l press the open door button to let her in, and then close door >She doesn't say thank you, and before I can ask what floor she's going to, she says, "Floor 9, please." >Realize what a selfish bitch she is to have her hands floor and yet think she's entitled to have someone do all the work in the elevator for her >When we reach the third floor, the door opens to let me out >Bitch is flopping around with her keys already, even though her hands are already full >Press every single button from 4 up until 9 >"There, I've pressed all of them for you." >Leave without pressing the close door button, meaning she'll have to unravel herself from her packages to press it herself unless she wants to wait ten-million years for the door to close on its %3D own >She'll have to do this on every single floor up until floor 9 as well >Quickly walk away while I hear, "Of all the f------- -" trail off behind me Stupid c---.

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