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Anon goes on a date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/02/21 (Sat)19:07:01 No.843817428 >take first shower in 3 weeks >use the good shampoo and body wash >put on best clothes >do my hair >dig out the $150 cologne 9 KB JPG >going on a date? >yes >with a woman? >no >..with a man? >no >with a newly bought fleshlight? >yes! This...this isnt how i pictured my love life in my 20s.
: Anonymous 01/02/21 (Sat)19:07:01 No.843817428 >take first shower in 3 weeks >use the good shampoo and body wash >put on best clothes >do my hair >dig out the $150 cologne 9 KB JPG >going on a date? >yes >with a woman? >no >..with a man? >no >with a newly bought fleshlight? >yes! This...this isnt how i pictured my love life in my 20s.

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Anon is lonely | /r/Greentext

>be me >22 >lonely; no friends >drunk and bored on a firday night| >make a /b/ thread about some random b------- >2 reponses and then nothing >reply to my own thread to bump 32 KB JPG it >still nothing >start replying to my own replies to simulate conversation in my own thread >lonelier than ever is this peak isolation? i argue with and humuliate myself just so other degenerates will think i am worth talking too. what a meek existence. what is the best way to kill yourself /b/? prefer reſplies from people with firsthand experience
>be me >22 >lonely; no friends >drunk and bored on a firday night| >make a /b/ thread about some random b------- >2 reponses and then nothing >reply to my own thread to bump 32 KB JPG it >still nothing >start replying to my own replies to simulate conversation in my own thread >lonelier than ever is this peak isolation? i argue with and humuliate myself just so other degenerates will think i am worth talking too. what a meek existence. what is the best way to kill yourself /b/? prefer reſplies from people with firsthand experience

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New favorite boy banned | /r/Greentext

File: Chris.jpg (19 KB, 600x900) O Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)07:46:30 No.850054285 [Reply] >yesterday >be me >be out in a park with friends >"Anon, let's go chatting up people" >OK with me >it's to warm up for picking up chicks >60 year old woman walks by >friend comments on her dog, good times >gets in the groove, needs to talk more >girls walks by, texting >him: "why are you texting me?" >I cringe like hell, f------ lame ass. >girl turns to us >she's 12 >f--- me, just say you're sorry dude and- >"why are you texting me, I'm right here!" >w--.png. did he really just >she actually responds: "You want me to text you?" >"Yes" >fuckmylife.avi >"You wish!" >she walks off >I call him out on chatting up a loli >"It's fine, I wouldn't go any further" >uh-huh >suddenly understand why women don't trust us >get the f--- out of the park before the cops come >still laughing about it the next morning though
File: Chris.jpg (19 KB, 600x900) O Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)07:46:30 No.850054285 [Reply] >yesterday >be me >be out in a park with friends >"Anon, let's go chatting up people" >OK with me >it's to warm up for picking up chicks >60 year old woman walks by >friend comments on her dog, good times >gets in the groove, needs to talk more >girls walks by, texting >him: "why are you texting me?" >I cringe like hell, f------ lame ass. >girl turns to us >she's 12 >f--- me, just say you're sorry dude and- >"why are you texting me, I'm right here!" >w--.png. did he really just >she actually responds: "You want me to text you?" >"Yes" >fuckmylife.avi >"You wish!" >she walks off >I call him out on chatting up a loli >"It's fine, I wouldn't go any further" >uh-huh >suddenly understand why women don't trust us >get the f--- out of the park before the cops come >still laughing about it the next morning though

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Anon sees friend playing CSGO | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)09:40:47 No.850058372 >be me >Log into discord >see friend playing cs >think "should I ask friend if he wants to play cs?" >Friend never asks if we wanna play CS its always the other way around 10 KB JPG >Does friend Ilike me? >Does friend even want to play cs with me? : Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)10:10:31 No.850059572 you probably suck d--- or talk instead of focusing on the match
: Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)09:40:47 No.850058372 >be me >Log into discord >see friend playing cs >think "should I ask friend if he wants to play cs?" >Friend never asks if we wanna play CS its always the other way around 10 KB JPG >Does friend Ilike me? >Does friend even want to play cs with me? : Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)10:10:31 No.850059572 you probably suck d--- or talk instead of focusing on the match

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I am math genius! | /r/Greentext

File: external-content.duckduck(.).jpg (13 KB, 474x315) Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)09:31:52 No.850058032 [Reply] >>850061359 How do people get into debt? >you have $100 >item you want costs $150 >don't buy it until you can afford it, no debt >profit DEBT Did these people fail first grade math?
File: external-content.duckduck(.).jpg (13 KB, 474x315) Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)09:31:52 No.850058032 [Reply] >>850061359 How do people get into debt? >you have $100 >item you want costs $150 >don't buy it until you can afford it, no debt >profit DEBT Did these people fail first grade math?

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Anon is a saint | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/21/19(Sat)14:1 >l made a woman cry >> Anonymous 09/21/19(Sat) >>810049541 (OP) You're doing god's work
Anonymous 09/21/19(Sat)14:1 >l made a woman cry >> Anonymous 09/21/19(Sat) >>810049541 (OP) You're doing god's work

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Anon goes to gym | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/02/21(Tue)01:47:02 No.60120631 File: 72a75deb3d4406e2ee1d39f83(...).jpg (38 KB, 550x550) >>60120800 I'll start, happened last week >be new lifter, first time in gym >no idea what im doing >no idea what i can lift >decide to try and squat heavy >go to squat rack >load up many plates on the bar >attempt to get under and lift bar >felt like i was pushing a brick wall >give up on that idea and start unloading bar >unload all the plates off one side only first >bar tips over and flies off squat rack >bar hits into mirror, smashes it >whole gym stops and looks at me >run out of gym and cry in my car >never return >mfw
Anonymous 03/02/21(Tue)01:47:02 No.60120631 File: 72a75deb3d4406e2ee1d39f83(...).jpg (38 KB, 550x550) >>60120800 I'll start, happened last week >be new lifter, first time in gym >no idea what im doing >no idea what i can lift >decide to try and squat heavy >go to squat rack >load up many plates on the bar >attempt to get under and lift bar >felt like i was pushing a brick wall >give up on that idea and start unloading bar >unload all the plates off one side only first >bar tips over and flies off squat rack >bar hits into mirror, smashes it >whole gym stops and looks at me >run out of gym and cry in my car >never return >mfw

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Anon asks a question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/17(Wed)13:51:02 No.3621674 >18 >out at a party >too late to go home >girl asks me to stay at hers >"you can sleep in my bed" >i reply "but where will you sleep?!" 6 months later i realized im retarded
: Anonymous 04/12/17(Wed)13:51:02 No.3621674 >18 >out at a party >too late to go home >girl asks me to stay at hers >"you can sleep in my bed" >i reply "but where will you sleep?!" 6 months later i realized im retarded

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Anon takes autistic test | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/10/21(Sun)13:47:37 No.844495447 >reading some article about childhood autism >"often times, children afflicted with high functioning autism will speak more like little adults than kids, using larger vocabularies and more mature 61 KB JPG inflections" >haha I was always told I talked like an adult when I was young. Crazy >"children with autism also tend to dislike irregular sensations like wet hair, shirt tags rubbing their skin, or damp clothing" >oh man I hated those feelings as a kid lol >"autistic kids tend to play "pretend" imagination games long after other kids have grown out of it" >flashbacks to protecting my pillow fort from the ninja assassins at age 13 >oh f---, am I legit autistic? >find an autism test on some health website >50 questions >answer them all truthfully >"as per our results you show an above average amount of traits and characteristics shown in those with autism. High function autism VERY likely" Mfw my parents thought I was a smart kid because of how I spoke but really I'm just autistic as s---
: Anonymous 01/10/21(Sun)13:47:37 No.844495447 >reading some article about childhood autism >"often times, children afflicted with high functioning autism will speak more like little adults than kids, using larger vocabularies and more mature 61 KB JPG inflections" >haha I was always told I talked like an adult when I was young. Crazy >"children with autism also tend to dislike irregular sensations like wet hair, shirt tags rubbing their skin, or damp clothing" >oh man I hated those feelings as a kid lol >"autistic kids tend to play "pretend" imagination games long after other kids have grown out of it" >flashbacks to protecting my pillow fort from the ninja assassins at age 13 >oh f---, am I legit autistic? >find an autism test on some health website >50 questions >answer them all truthfully >"as per our results you show an above average amount of traits and characteristics shown in those with autism. High function autism VERY likely" Mfw my parents thought I was a smart kid because of how I spoke but really I'm just autistic as s---

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Anon is a chef | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)15:07:49 No.849880301 Story from my workplace because why not. >be me >be cook at s--- tier local steakhouse >small town, so it's the nicest restaurant we have >bestbydefault.jpeg 639 KB PNG >monday, 12pm >alone on the line because everyone else goes to college >server comes back to kitchen to tell me something about an order that just rang in >says the couple who ordered ribs were there last week and the ribs were cold >says they want their ribs as hot as possible or they won't accept them >each rack of ribs that gets trashed comes out of my paycheck >fuckingdickheads.jpeg >resist urge to walk out and rant at them >remember I need the job, and a little less money is something I can live with >waittheresanideathere.png >turn up grill to full blast >decide to let ribs roast >forget about it while I handle orders for the other parts of the kitchen >turn back, ribs are literally on fire >a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one >add bbq sauce and let that boil for another few minutes >ribs are now unforgivably scorched to blackness and are far too hot to be enjoyable for another 5 minutes at least >pic related: mfw they actually complimented my abomination F------ idiots.
: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)15:07:49 No.849880301 Story from my workplace because why not. >be me >be cook at s--- tier local steakhouse >small town, so it's the nicest restaurant we have >bestbydefault.jpeg 639 KB PNG >monday, 12pm >alone on the line because everyone else goes to college >server comes back to kitchen to tell me something about an order that just rang in >says the couple who ordered ribs were there last week and the ribs were cold >says they want their ribs as hot as possible or they won't accept them >each rack of ribs that gets trashed comes out of my paycheck >fuckingdickheads.jpeg >resist urge to walk out and rant at them >remember I need the job, and a little less money is something I can live with >waittheresanideathere.png >turn up grill to full blast >decide to let ribs roast >forget about it while I handle orders for the other parts of the kitchen >turn back, ribs are literally on fire >a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one >add bbq sauce and let that boil for another few minutes >ribs are now unforgivably scorched to blackness and are far too hot to be enjoyable for another 5 minutes at least >pic related: mfw they actually complimented my abomination F------ idiots.

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Anon tries to quicksave | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous jesus f--- 01/23/21(Sat)17:36:44 No.62000148 >be me >quarantining >continue my fallout addiction >bank over 1000 hours >get burnt out >i get back into skyrim >only have about 50 hours 121 KB JPG >h-------- theres a lot i missed >cant stop playing >my new addiction >i play constantly >ffw to today >redecorating my room irl >finish >im so exhausted >damn that was a lot of work i better quicksave >what >mfw
: Anonymous jesus f--- 01/23/21(Sat)17:36:44 No.62000148 >be me >quarantining >continue my fallout addiction >bank over 1000 hours >get burnt out >i get back into skyrim >only have about 50 hours 121 KB JPG >h-------- theres a lot i missed >cant stop playing >my new addiction >i play constantly >ffw to today >redecorating my room irl >finish >im so exhausted >damn that was a lot of work i better quicksave >what >mfw

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Anon attends E3 | /r/Greentext

File: 1338794837362 jpg-(155 KB, 800x1200, Gabe_01.jpg) O Anonymous 06/04/12(Mon)03:27 No.141846848 >Gabe comes onto stage >Talks about new Steam features, Dota 2 >Conference is coming to a close >Audience sighs in unison >"Oh and one more thing" >"Attendees perk up >A huge f------ 3 slowly fades onto screen >Crowd turns into bananas and bursts into treats >An "E" quickly pops up next to it >"Have a nice E3" >Gabe gets shot
File: 1338794837362 jpg-(155 KB, 800x1200, Gabe_01.jpg) O Anonymous 06/04/12(Mon)03:27 No.141846848 >Gabe comes onto stage >Talks about new Steam features, Dota 2 >Conference is coming to a close >Audience sighs in unison >"Oh and one more thing" >"Attendees perk up >A huge f------ 3 slowly fades onto screen >Crowd turns into bananas and bursts into treats >An "E" quickly pops up next to it >"Have a nice E3" >Gabe gets shot

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Anon still single | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/19/21 (Fri)12:27:39 No.849973903 >be me > short guy with just 1,58 cm > girls don't date you because they don't date guys shorter than them > you finnaly meet a girl shorter than you 77 KB JPG > you finnally meet a girl that its shorter than you > she is cool and cute > so you ask her out > but she says: > "sorry, i don't date taller guys" i am not joking, that f------ happened me!!
: Anonymous 03/19/21 (Fri)12:27:39 No.849973903 >be me > short guy with just 1,58 cm > girls don't date you because they don't date guys shorter than them > you finnaly meet a girl shorter than you 77 KB JPG > you finnally meet a girl that its shorter than you > she is cool and cute > so you ask her out > but she says: > "sorry, i don't date taller guys" i am not joking, that f------ happened me!!

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Anon Comments on Biden's Senior Moment | /r/Greentext

File: 1616169886120.webm (2.82 MB, 1280x720) BILLTY O Americans elected this Anonymous (ID: ExsOjeyk ) E 03/19/21(Fri)12:08:24 No.312763537 >>312764858 >>312764929 >>312764939 >>312764977 >>312765001 >>312765067 >>312765146 >>312765208 >>3127 >>312766586 >>312766619 >>312766781 >>312766785 >>312766822 >>312766915 >>312767142 >>312767385 >>3127 Explain. O Anonymous (ID: CWWYDRNC | 03/19/21(Fri)12:10:32 No.312763841 >>312763537 (OP) Jews. | 03/19/21(Fri) 12:10:39 No.312763856 >> Anonymous (ID: XOalYJw3 >>312764091 >>312764174 >>312766324 >>312767388 >>312763537 (OP) >has a senior moment >thinks he is 30 y o again >starts running up the stairs >for no reason >slips >slips again >slips again and sharts >continues running up stairs so cameras don't see poo drippings out of legs >and on socks >salutes at the end to be funny God bless america
File: 1616169886120.webm (2.82 MB, 1280x720) BILLTY O Americans elected this Anonymous (ID: ExsOjeyk ) E 03/19/21(Fri)12:08:24 No.312763537 >>312764858 >>312764929 >>312764939 >>312764977 >>312765001 >>312765067 >>312765146 >>312765208 >>3127 >>312766586 >>312766619 >>312766781 >>312766785 >>312766822 >>312766915 >>312767142 >>312767385 >>3127 Explain. O Anonymous (ID: CWWYDRNC | 03/19/21(Fri)12:10:32 No.312763841 >>312763537 (OP) Jews. | 03/19/21(Fri) 12:10:39 No.312763856 >> Anonymous (ID: XOalYJw3 >>312764091 >>312764174 >>312766324 >>312767388 >>312763537 (OP) >has a senior moment >thinks he is 30 y o again >starts running up the stairs >for no reason >slips >slips again >slips again and sharts >continues running up stairs so cameras don't see poo drippings out of legs >and on socks >salutes at the end to be funny God bless america

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Anon dislikes the monks | /r/Greentext

>>126333492 (OP) # >To tell you the truth Luke your father was a d---. Always defying orders, always putting our lives in danger. Hell he even tried to have sex with his apprentice a few times. But when he got caught he acted like we were crazy. I would have been fine, had he not done the same thing with your mom. That's right, he got married behind the Jedi council's back, and thought we were stupid enough to not notice it. Every time I would try to bring it up he would call me a "f--" and throw a tantrum. Then he started going crazy after a few bad dreams, killed Dooku-which I'm pretty sure is a war crime -killed Mace Windu, and even some f------ kids. When his wife and I try to talk him down, he goes crazy and chokes her out, like a f----- lunatic. I kept trying to talk to him but he started babbling slogans at me. >SoI let him have it. 13 years of pent up rage and frustration, 13 years of dealing with backtalk from a kid you rescued from slavery. I went all out. I told him it was the high ground, but from a certain point of view that was b-------. I just wanted to cut his limbs and watch him writhe in pain, to suffer like I suffered while dealing with his b------- for 13 years. I even told him I loved him like a brother to add salt to his burning wounds. 20 KB JPG >Go on, ask me if I regret it. I don't. >Anyway, after that I left, and he became a cyborg mass murderer. He was a p------------ then, and a p------------ now. >And he was a good friend
>>126333492 (OP) # >To tell you the truth Luke your father was a d---. Always defying orders, always putting our lives in danger. Hell he even tried to have sex with his apprentice a few times. But when he got caught he acted like we were crazy. I would have been fine, had he not done the same thing with your mom. That's right, he got married behind the Jedi council's back, and thought we were stupid enough to not notice it. Every time I would try to bring it up he would call me a "f--" and throw a tantrum. Then he started going crazy after a few bad dreams, killed Dooku-which I'm pretty sure is a war crime -killed Mace Windu, and even some f------ kids. When his wife and I try to talk him down, he goes crazy and chokes her out, like a f----- lunatic. I kept trying to talk to him but he started babbling slogans at me. >SoI let him have it. 13 years of pent up rage and frustration, 13 years of dealing with backtalk from a kid you rescued from slavery. I went all out. I told him it was the high ground, but from a certain point of view that was b-------. I just wanted to cut his limbs and watch him writhe in pain, to suffer like I suffered while dealing with his b------- for 13 years. I even told him I loved him like a brother to add salt to his burning wounds. 20 KB JPG >Go on, ask me if I regret it. I don't. >Anyway, after that I left, and he became a cyborg mass murderer. He was a p------------ then, and a p------------ now. >And he was a good friend

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Eye of the beerholder | /r/Greentext

File: 63783387.png (83 KB, 790x773) Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)15:22:10 No.62822729 [Reply] >>62822766 >want to know if i'm too ugly for a prostitute and if they would reject my money if i went to one >need a woman to tell me the cold hard truth >go to female places on reddit >make an account and DM some women asking if they could tell me if they think a prostitute would accept my money or reject me based on how i look >dm 50 women >2 of them respond >"thats so creepy, you sound like a creep" >"im not going to support the r--- of women by answering your question" this is proving more difficult than i thought.
File: 63783387.png (83 KB, 790x773) Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)15:22:10 No.62822729 [Reply] >>62822766 >want to know if i'm too ugly for a prostitute and if they would reject my money if i went to one >need a woman to tell me the cold hard truth >go to female places on reddit >make an account and DM some women asking if they could tell me if they think a prostitute would accept my money or reject me based on how i look >dm 50 women >2 of them respond >"thats so creepy, you sound like a creep" >"im not going to support the r--- of women by answering your question" this is proving more difficult than i thought.

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Anon speaks no lies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)21:16:58 No.850028968 >be me >watching smash bros tourney >sonic is playing and everyone is bitching >"hes ruining the game" "nintendo plz ban" >say "you could groom a kid and have more fans than a sonic main" 64 KB JPG >get banned
: Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)21:16:58 No.850028968 >be me >watching smash bros tourney >sonic is playing and everyone is bitching >"hes ruining the game" "nintendo plz ban" >say "you could groom a kid and have more fans than a sonic main" 64 KB JPG >get banned

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Anon has good taste in music | /r/Greentext

File: Capture.png (681 KB, 455x695) O Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)02:37:05 No.850049447 >be good looking >good artist >make good rap songs >dress very amazing pic unrelated
File: Capture.png (681 KB, 455x695) O Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)02:37:05 No.850049447 >be good looking >good artist >make good rap songs >dress very amazing pic unrelated

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Anon worships his god | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)14:07:50 No.62819152 ► File: 1596784352340.png (494 KB, 1024x576) 00 >YAAAHHHНННТENGAREEEEE AGGULLLLLLLPLAYMAHJONGSEEN MAYAAANNNNAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIDELHIYYYNNNNNHAGASIYZD NNNNNW NNCHOOONNNNHICHE ENEGTEEESIIIDDDHIMOORAAASAHH YEEEEEAH ННННННННІНННН ННЕЕEYEEEEEEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕАНННННННННН ERELHEGGGGMONNGOLLLLLCHINGGGISSAYYY YYYYYEZZEEENNBOGGDDDCHIINNNGGHIISSKHAAAAANNNNNGALLLLTMESSNIIIDUNNDDAAAAAAASSSSSGANBOLLLLDDSHIGGGGIIIHU CCHHHHTTEEEEIIIGAZZZZZAAARRRRDELKHIDEEEGARIDSHUVUUUUUSHIGGGHUCCHTTAAAAYYYYY
O Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)14:07:50 No.62819152 ► File: 1596784352340.png (494 KB, 1024x576) 00 >YAAAHHHНННТENGAREEEEE AGGULLLLLLLPLAYMAHJONGSEEN MAYAAANNNNAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIDELHIYYYNNNNNHAGASIYZD NNNNNW NNCHOOONNNNHICHE ENEGTEEESIIIDDDHIMOORAAASAHH YEEEEEAH ННННННННІНННН ННЕЕEYEEEEEEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕАНННННННННН ERELHEGGGGMONNGOLLLLLCHINGGGISSAYYY YYYYYEZZEEENNBOGGDDDCHIINNNGGHIISSKHAAAAANNNNNGALLLLTMESSNIIIDUNNDDAAAAAAASSSSSGANBOLLLLDDSHIGGGGIIIHU CCHHHHTTEEEEIIIGAZZZZZAAARRRRDELKHIDEEEGARIDSHUVUUUUUSHIGGGHUCCHTTAAAAYYYYY

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Anon is a guard | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/13/12(Mon)04:44 No.1509064 12 O00 File: 1344847488943 jpg-(56 KB, 250x275, me at lunch break.jpg) >drinking soda during my break from guarding the train >smart looking fellow with glasses comes around corner, startles me >i accidentally knock the can off the trash can >guard armor makes bending over to get it impossible >don't want to litter, ask fellow with glasses to pick up the can >guard mask distorts voice, making me sound mean >fellow picks up can, throws it at me >helmet gets sticky due to soda >beat man savagely as i don't want to lose my job >hear later he killed dozens of my friends and coworkers. >never drink soda again. Replies to this post: >>150906910 >>150907035
Anonymous 08/13/12(Mon)04:44 No.1509064 12 O00 File: 1344847488943 jpg-(56 KB, 250x275, me at lunch break.jpg) >drinking soda during my break from guarding the train >smart looking fellow with glasses comes around corner, startles me >i accidentally knock the can off the trash can >guard armor makes bending over to get it impossible >don't want to litter, ask fellow with glasses to pick up the can >guard mask distorts voice, making me sound mean >fellow picks up can, throws it at me >helmet gets sticky due to soda >beat man savagely as i don't want to lose my job >hear later he killed dozens of my friends and coworkers. >never drink soda again. Replies to this post: >>150906910 >>150907035

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