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Anon is american | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)17:23:04 No.849904033 >be me >be american >go to college >break my leg >no insurance >become homeless 71 KB PNG
: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)17:23:04 No.849904033 >be me >be american >go to college >break my leg >no insurance >become homeless 71 KB PNG

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Anon ponders on Polish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/06/18(Mon)18:50:29 No.776429909 >when girls remove polish with chemicals no one bats an eye However.. >when nazi's remove the Polish 234 KB JPG with chemicals everyone goes a------
: Anonymous 08/06/18(Mon)18:50:29 No.776429909 >when girls remove polish with chemicals no one bats an eye However.. >when nazi's remove the Polish 234 KB JPG with chemicals everyone goes a------

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Anon is in the Israeli Army | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Warcrime stories 03/17/21(Wed)17:57:52 No.48669048 I serve in the Israeli army and I heard a really funny secret story , technically a warcrime that happened in one tank battalion >A tank is based on Gaza's border 96 KB JPG >commander tells the soldier to be ready for anything >15 minutes later a worried soldier starts yelling >"commander, commander! Someone is getting close to the tank!" >commander says "well, shoot him" >soldier:"really? Just shoot him?" >"yeah" >3 seconds later *BOO0OM* >Commander realizes what happened, yells "what the f--- have you done? I meant shoot him with the coaxial machinegun not the f------ cannon" >The commander gets out and sees the guys remains spread across 20 meters, blown up by a 120mm APAM shell
: Anonymous Warcrime stories 03/17/21(Wed)17:57:52 No.48669048 I serve in the Israeli army and I heard a really funny secret story , technically a warcrime that happened in one tank battalion >A tank is based on Gaza's border 96 KB JPG >commander tells the soldier to be ready for anything >15 minutes later a worried soldier starts yelling >"commander, commander! Someone is getting close to the tank!" >commander says "well, shoot him" >soldier:"really? Just shoot him?" >"yeah" >3 seconds later *BOO0OM* >Commander realizes what happened, yells "what the f--- have you done? I meant shoot him with the coaxial machinegun not the f------ cannon" >The commander gets out and sees the guys remains spread across 20 meters, blown up by a 120mm APAM shell

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Cursed DNA | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/20(Sat)21:02:27 No.56535266 >talking to my dad about my depression >explaining passive suicidality >"while I'm not going to actively try to kill myself, if a truck was coming straight at me I probably wouldn't get out of the way" >his reply 93 KB JPG >his f------ reply >"oh that's how I've felt my whole life" >mfw
: Anonymous 02/01/20(Sat)21:02:27 No.56535266 >talking to my dad about my depression >explaining passive suicidality >"while I'm not going to actively try to kill myself, if a truck was coming straight at me I probably wouldn't get out of the way" >his reply 93 KB JPG >his f------ reply >"oh that's how I've felt my whole life" >mfw

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Anon is a furry | /r/Greentext

No.779957221 23 minutes ago Oeb4b58d0b26f174b4bd4299c4c8befc.png PNG 82.2 KİB 412x351 >be me >like foxes >people start calling me a furry >look up what a furry is >find out what they are >w--.png >i hate them >start trolling the furries >furries find out i like foxes >furries start calling me a furry >getting bullied by furries >feelsbadman 1 reply No.779957598 17 minutes ago >i want to die No.7799586121 minute ago >>779957221 (OP) hahahah
No.779957221 23 minutes ago Oeb4b58d0b26f174b4bd4299c4c8befc.png PNG 82.2 KİB 412x351 >be me >like foxes >people start calling me a furry >look up what a furry is >find out what they are >w--.png >i hate them >start trolling the furries >furries find out i like foxes >furries start calling me a furry >getting bullied by furries >feelsbadman 1 reply No.779957598 17 minutes ago >i want to die No.7799586121 minute ago >>779957221 (OP) hahahah

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Anon watches Kangaroo Jack | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/19(Fri)16:18:27 No.115901522 Kangaroo Jack is probably the biggest lie I was ever told >me and brother were f------ HYPED by this movie after seeing trailer >we really, really believed it would be 9 KB PNG about a rapping Kangaroo >we used to hop around our bedroom for several hours at a time shouting fake rap lyrics we made up >nothing offensive just Kangaroo related stuff like 'You,me and daddy are gonna go see Kangaroo Jack; And you, me and daddy are gonna laugh until our hair turns black; and you and me and daddy are gonna see that Kangaroo; and you and me and daddy but not dead mummy too' >ought f------ kangaroo costumes to go to the cinema and see it >went in, so excited and the movie plays >almost no f------ talking Kangaroo whatsoever >we get so annoyed that we star to actually believe the Kangaroo is talking when on screen and IS rapping even when its just a Kangaroo standing around >spent weeks telling each other about all the great lines and basically convinced ourselves it was rapping Kangaroo kino and every other line was an awesome Kangaroo rap, even had quotes scratched into our wooden bunk bed >got the DVD >remembered the truth >brother actually started crying as we watched >>115901661 # >>115904551 # >>115905859 # >>115905897 # >>115906666 # >>115907646 # >>115908492 # >>115909981 #
: Anonymous 05/31/19(Fri)16:18:27 No.115901522 Kangaroo Jack is probably the biggest lie I was ever told >me and brother were f------ HYPED by this movie after seeing trailer >we really, really believed it would be 9 KB PNG about a rapping Kangaroo >we used to hop around our bedroom for several hours at a time shouting fake rap lyrics we made up >nothing offensive just Kangaroo related stuff like 'You,me and daddy are gonna go see Kangaroo Jack; And you, me and daddy are gonna laugh until our hair turns black; and you and me and daddy are gonna see that Kangaroo; and you and me and daddy but not dead mummy too' >ought f------ kangaroo costumes to go to the cinema and see it >went in, so excited and the movie plays >almost no f------ talking Kangaroo whatsoever >we get so annoyed that we star to actually believe the Kangaroo is talking when on screen and IS rapping even when its just a Kangaroo standing around >spent weeks telling each other about all the great lines and basically convinced ourselves it was rapping Kangaroo kino and every other line was an awesome Kangaroo rap, even had quotes scratched into our wooden bunk bed >got the DVD >remembered the truth >brother actually started crying as we watched >>115901661 # >>115904551 # >>115905859 # >>115905897 # >>115906666 # >>115907646 # >>115908492 # >>115909981 #

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Anon proves he’s woke | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ztfw5Jak 圖 03/17/21(Wed)22:01:31 No.312540862 >Be woke 20 something SHHHHH EEEEEEEE I1ITT >Desperate to prove how non- racist I am >Walking home from a bar at 2 AM 274 KB JPG >Alley I walk down has a group of black guys >shitmypants.jpeg >Don't want them to think I'm racist so I keep walking toward them >"What's up guys" >"F--- you cracka" >Get stabbed, bleed out >Nothing is mentioned on the news, friends convinced race had nothing to do with it >Don't even die a martyr, just a statistic that everyone denounces and calls racist >Was it worth it in the name of political correctness?
: Anonymous (ID: ztfw5Jak 圖 03/17/21(Wed)22:01:31 No.312540862 >Be woke 20 something SHHHHH EEEEEEEE I1ITT >Desperate to prove how non- racist I am >Walking home from a bar at 2 AM 274 KB JPG >Alley I walk down has a group of black guys >shitmypants.jpeg >Don't want them to think I'm racist so I keep walking toward them >"What's up guys" >"F--- you cracka" >Get stabbed, bleed out >Nothing is mentioned on the news, friends convinced race had nothing to do with it >Don't even die a martyr, just a statistic that everyone denounces and calls racist >Was it worth it in the name of political correctness?

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Anon gets banned from discord | /r/Greentext

>be on discord >talk to my friends >dont really do much >app starts lagging >figure ive been banned >try and reinstall the app, make a new account >still got all my friends names and s--- memorized >its a platform ban what do? i guess im stuck here with you guys now + 13 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. 02/17 210M .CO N. 040020245
>be on discord >talk to my friends >dont really do much >app starts lagging >figure ive been banned >try and reinstall the app, make a new account >still got all my friends names and s--- memorized >its a platform ban what do? i guess im stuck here with you guys now + 13 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. 02/17 210M .CO N. 040020245

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Anon is a white knight | /r/Greentext

File: 1608882579391.gif (64 KB, 220x220) U Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)13:18:23 No.849882229 [Reply] ► >be me >l'm just against gays; not lesbians >My brain just cannot comprehend how someone can choose to like a guy and their stupid quirky behaviour >be constantly wondering why all women aren't lesbians >mfw I get called homophobic for over the internet
File: 1608882579391.gif (64 KB, 220x220) U Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)13:18:23 No.849882229 [Reply] ► >be me >l'm just against gays; not lesbians >My brain just cannot comprehend how someone can choose to like a guy and their stupid quirky behaviour >be constantly wondering why all women aren't lesbians >mfw I get called homophobic for over the internet

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Anon describes his journey to rock-bottom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)14:31:26 No.62763961 >born into an American white upper middle class family living in the suburbs >was always way above the curve when i was a little kid, made excellent grades and had a lot of friends too >come middle school i was still doing pretty good, even got invited to take the ACT exam in 7th grade >sometime between 8th and 9th grade i begin to develop OCD and my anxiety levels started to climb 14 KB JPG a lot >my friends either moved away or just kinda abandoned me during this period of time >spent the first quarter of my sophomore year in a psych ward due to suicide ideation >finally go back to school, nobody seems to have cared >grades begin to plummet, was barely passing any classes at this point >finally dropped out halfway through junior year since i just couldn't take it anymore >now 21 years old, i'm a dangerously underweight NEET living at home with my parents >feel empty and miserable all day, pretty sure the cocktail of drugs i was prescribed back in high school is the reason Anyone else here fall from grace? I can't believe how fast my mind seems to have degraded. Do still have a chance to turn things around with a GED or some s---?
: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)14:31:26 No.62763961 >born into an American white upper middle class family living in the suburbs >was always way above the curve when i was a little kid, made excellent grades and had a lot of friends too >come middle school i was still doing pretty good, even got invited to take the ACT exam in 7th grade >sometime between 8th and 9th grade i begin to develop OCD and my anxiety levels started to climb 14 KB JPG a lot >my friends either moved away or just kinda abandoned me during this period of time >spent the first quarter of my sophomore year in a psych ward due to suicide ideation >finally go back to school, nobody seems to have cared >grades begin to plummet, was barely passing any classes at this point >finally dropped out halfway through junior year since i just couldn't take it anymore >now 21 years old, i'm a dangerously underweight NEET living at home with my parents >feel empty and miserable all day, pretty sure the cocktail of drugs i was prescribed back in high school is the reason Anyone else here fall from grace? I can't believe how fast my mind seems to have degraded. Do still have a chance to turn things around with a GED or some s---?

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Rock of ages | /r/Greentext

File: 107-1078226_transparent-e(.).png (341 KB, 860x1020) O Anonymous 03/17/21(Wed)20:03:52 No.62796783 >>62796796 >>62796802 >>62796834 >>62796907 >s--- >unfortunately born with a very hairy anus >some s--- sticks to the hair as a result >weeks later, will clump and will form hard, tiny, shitballs >have to pull them out forcefully one by one anyone else have this problem? >> Anonymous 03/17/21(Wed)20:05:13 No.62796796 >> Anonymous 03/17/21(Wed)20:05:45 No.62796802 >> Anonymous 03/17/21(Wed)20:06:25 No.62796810
File: 107-1078226_transparent-e(.).png (341 KB, 860x1020) O Anonymous 03/17/21(Wed)20:03:52 No.62796783 >>62796796 >>62796802 >>62796834 >>62796907 >s--- >unfortunately born with a very hairy anus >some s--- sticks to the hair as a result >weeks later, will clump and will form hard, tiny, shitballs >have to pull them out forcefully one by one anyone else have this problem? >> Anonymous 03/17/21(Wed)20:05:13 No.62796796 >> Anonymous 03/17/21(Wed)20:05:45 No.62796802 >> Anonymous 03/17/21(Wed)20:06:25 No.62796810

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Anon becomes a redditor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/04/21(Thu)04:59:12 No.848781924 >Create Reddit account >Notice my arms start to get chubbier >Panic as my stomach begins to bulge out >Waddle towards the door >Fingers are too fat to grab the handle >Sit down to catch my breath 686 KB PNG >Body is getting fatter >Hair begins to grown on my neck >Clothes start to rip apart and fall to the floor >Skull starts to reshape, creating a fedora like form atop my head >"Mom help me!" >Mom enters the room >"Anon, what's going on!?" >"I'm... I'm a big chungus!" >Mom bursts into tears >l'm now a redditor 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 03/04/21(Thu)04:59:12 No.848781924 >Create Reddit account >Notice my arms start to get chubbier >Panic as my stomach begins to bulge out >Waddle towards the door >Fingers are too fat to grab the handle >Sit down to catch my breath 686 KB PNG >Body is getting fatter >Hair begins to grown on my neck >Clothes start to rip apart and fall to the floor >Skull starts to reshape, creating a fedora like form atop my head >"Mom help me!" >Mom enters the room >"Anon, what's going on!?" >"I'm... I'm a big chungus!" >Mom bursts into tears >l'm now a redditor 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon loses his virginity | /r/Greentext

AFI ! 4G 14% 22:24 JPG 93.1 KİB 800x800 >be me >at the public library the other day >in the bathroom taking a s--- >toilet moves >w--.jpg >realize that the toilet is bolted through the wall to a toilet in the women's bathroom >whenever a girl sits down on that other toilet, it moves the one i'm sitting on a little bit >we both have our asses on these connected toilet seats, so in a way we are connected you think about it, it's pretty close to actually having sex with the woman in the other bathroom >thatskindahot.png >if >instant boner >jerk it like there's no tomorrow >f------ bliss, best nut of my life >clean myself up and leave >come back the next day when it's the busiest and do it again I've been doing this for the past 4 days and it just feels amazing. This is probably the most l've felt like a normie in my entire life, because I'm getting real human intimacy from the other person. 17 replies No.731513328 50 minutes ago GIF 1.3 MİB 195x229 >>731513244 (OP)
AFI ! 4G 14% 22:24 JPG 93.1 KİB 800x800 >be me >at the public library the other day >in the bathroom taking a s--- >toilet moves >w--.jpg >realize that the toilet is bolted through the wall to a toilet in the women's bathroom >whenever a girl sits down on that other toilet, it moves the one i'm sitting on a little bit >we both have our asses on these connected toilet seats, so in a way we are connected you think about it, it's pretty close to actually having sex with the woman in the other bathroom >thatskindahot.png >if >instant boner >jerk it like there's no tomorrow >f------ bliss, best nut of my life >clean myself up and leave >come back the next day when it's the busiest and do it again I've been doing this for the past 4 days and it just feels amazing. This is probably the most l've felt like a normie in my entire life, because I'm getting real human intimacy from the other person. 17 replies No.731513328 50 minutes ago GIF 1.3 MİB 195x229 >>731513244 (OP)

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anon has gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)13:09:40 No.849889932 >start speaking to someone >they like me >ask them out >great, got gf >feelsgood.jpeg >see you later virgins >self-doubt sets in 211 KB JPG >what >spend my days sitting around wondering when they are going to leave me >need constant reassurance >w-- >this hurts >help 3 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)13:09:40 No.849889932 >start speaking to someone >they like me >ask them out >great, got gf >feelsgood.jpeg >see you later virgins >self-doubt sets in 211 KB JPG >what >spend my days sitting around wondering when they are going to leave me >need constant reassurance >w-- >this hurts >help 3 Replies View Thread

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Anon ruined his only friendship. | /r/Greentext

>>62797339 (OP) # >be me >15 >lonely twink >spend most of my time online >get bored 257 KB JPG >want a boyfriend but not a single gay dude at my school >one dude i'm close friends with, gonna start a band together >go on here and ask what to do >terrible responses but dont know what else to do >take one anons advice to just try and kiss him >invite him over to my house for the weekend >wait until we're practicing in my dads den >in self arrogance i think i'm great at it >get the motivation to try >our lips connect for half a second before he realizes what i'm doing >punches me in the face and runs out the door shouting "I'M NOT A F-----" >lay there and cry until my mom gets home >avoid going to school for a few days until my mom makes me go >he refuses to talk to me and i lose my only friend
>>62797339 (OP) # >be me >15 >lonely twink >spend most of my time online >get bored 257 KB JPG >want a boyfriend but not a single gay dude at my school >one dude i'm close friends with, gonna start a band together >go on here and ask what to do >terrible responses but dont know what else to do >take one anons advice to just try and kiss him >invite him over to my house for the weekend >wait until we're practicing in my dads den >in self arrogance i think i'm great at it >get the motivation to try >our lips connect for half a second before he realizes what i'm doing >punches me in the face and runs out the door shouting "I'M NOT A F-----" >lay there and cry until my mom gets home >avoid going to school for a few days until my mom makes me go >he refuses to talk to me and i lose my only friend

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Anon skips prom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)14:51:33 No.849893793 Wholesome thread TN >2010, highschool, senior year >Study hard, get good grades, not very TREMENDOUS NEWS social >Parents don't get on me for playing games, but if I do it for a long time, 54 KB JPG they act disappointed >Don't wanna ruin my life, so I practice good self control with games >Prom coming up next month on a Saturday >When big sis went to prom, it cost mom and dad a couple hundred, then more for the guy who took her >F--- that, not looking to impress some roastie >Ask dad if I can stay home and grill with him, then play games online with friends instead >You know what anon, you earned it, we can do that >Instead of spending hundreds on renting s---, he buys hundreds of dollars of meat >Spend whole day grilling with dad, having a good time, plenty of slow cooked meats >Afternoon/night I play Quake with my friends for like 5 hours >Thanks dad View Thread
: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)14:51:33 No.849893793 Wholesome thread TN >2010, highschool, senior year >Study hard, get good grades, not very TREMENDOUS NEWS social >Parents don't get on me for playing games, but if I do it for a long time, 54 KB JPG they act disappointed >Don't wanna ruin my life, so I practice good self control with games >Prom coming up next month on a Saturday >When big sis went to prom, it cost mom and dad a couple hundred, then more for the guy who took her >F--- that, not looking to impress some roastie >Ask dad if I can stay home and grill with him, then play games online with friends instead >You know what anon, you earned it, we can do that >Instead of spending hundreds on renting s---, he buys hundreds of dollars of meat >Spend whole day grilling with dad, having a good time, plenty of slow cooked meats >Afternoon/night I play Quake with my friends for like 5 hours >Thanks dad View Thread

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Anon tries to help someone less fortunate. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Do most homeless people deserv(...) 03/18/21(Thu)00:40:17 No.62799681 >just today >see two homeless people on my walk from train to uni >one man one woman, theyre fairly far apart from each other >ive been feeling kind of dogshit lately but seeing them gives me a brief shift in perspective 33 KB JPG >when i go get my lunch buy two on sale pre packaged sandwiches >go to woman first, awkward intro and offer her sandwich "Oh sorry, i dont eat tuna." >oh, okay, sorry bye >give the man both sandwiches, hes very thankful >she saw >can feel her eyes burning into the back of my head If she'd said she waa allergic id understand but she "just doesnt eat it". Imagine having high standards when you have literally nothing
: Anonymous Do most homeless people deserv(...) 03/18/21(Thu)00:40:17 No.62799681 >just today >see two homeless people on my walk from train to uni >one man one woman, theyre fairly far apart from each other >ive been feeling kind of dogshit lately but seeing them gives me a brief shift in perspective 33 KB JPG >when i go get my lunch buy two on sale pre packaged sandwiches >go to woman first, awkward intro and offer her sandwich "Oh sorry, i dont eat tuna." >oh, okay, sorry bye >give the man both sandwiches, hes very thankful >she saw >can feel her eyes burning into the back of my head If she'd said she waa allergic id understand but she "just doesnt eat it". Imagine having high standards when you have literally nothing

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Anon creates an abomination in the kitchen | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)12:37:49 No.849880301 [Reply] Story from my workplace because why not. >be me >be cook at s--- tier local steakhouse >small town, so it's the nicest restaurant we have >bestbydefault.jpeg >monday, 12pm >alone on the line because everyone else goes to college >server comes back to kitchen to tell me something about an order that just rang in >says the couple who ordered ribs were there last week and the ribs were cold >says they want their ribs as hot as possible or they won't accept them >each rack of ribs that gets trashed comes out of my paycheck >fuckingdickheads.jpeg >resist urge to walk out and rant at them >remember I need the job, and a little less money is something I can live with >waittheresanideathere.png >turn up grill to full blast >decide to let ribs roast >forget about it while I handle orders for the other parts of the kitchen >turn back, ribs are literally on fire >a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one >add bbq sauce and let that boil for another few minutes >ribs are now unforgivably scorched to blackness and are far too hot to be enjoyable for another 5 minutes at least >pic related: mfw they actually complimented my abomination F------ idiots.
O Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)12:37:49 No.849880301 [Reply] Story from my workplace because why not. >be me >be cook at s--- tier local steakhouse >small town, so it's the nicest restaurant we have >bestbydefault.jpeg >monday, 12pm >alone on the line because everyone else goes to college >server comes back to kitchen to tell me something about an order that just rang in >says the couple who ordered ribs were there last week and the ribs were cold >says they want their ribs as hot as possible or they won't accept them >each rack of ribs that gets trashed comes out of my paycheck >fuckingdickheads.jpeg >resist urge to walk out and rant at them >remember I need the job, and a little less money is something I can live with >waittheresanideathere.png >turn up grill to full blast >decide to let ribs roast >forget about it while I handle orders for the other parts of the kitchen >turn back, ribs are literally on fire >a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one >add bbq sauce and let that boil for another few minutes >ribs are now unforgivably scorched to blackness and are far too hot to be enjoyable for another 5 minutes at least >pic related: mfw they actually complimented my abomination F------ idiots.

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Anon is lucky. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/17/21(Wed)20:05:29 No.62796798 >>62796248 (OP) # >l once flipped a coin and got heads eleven times in a row ptobably my greatest accomplishment, desu >>62797353 #
: Anonymous 03/17/21(Wed)20:05:29 No.62796798 >>62796248 (OP) # >l once flipped a coin and got heads eleven times in a row ptobably my greatest accomplishment, desu >>62797353 #

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Anon battles the supermarket lobster | /r/Greentext

8h (2/24 3:13) 15644003 20 Re 8 Img PNG 875KB - (720 x 723) 6 Replies >try to buy some veggies >get randomly selected to battle supermarket lobster >all the workers and customers stop dead in their heels to watch us duke it out >all the black people take their phones out and start screeching >all the girls give me a doubtful stare and giggle amongst themselves while staring at me so f------ embarrassing, and people wonder why I order my groceries online. ...
8h (2/24 3:13) 15644003 20 Re 8 Img PNG 875KB - (720 x 723) 6 Replies >try to buy some veggies >get randomly selected to battle supermarket lobster >all the workers and customers stop dead in their heels to watch us duke it out >all the black people take their phones out and start screeching >all the girls give me a doubtful stare and giggle amongst themselves while staring at me so f------ embarrassing, and people wonder why I order my groceries online. ...

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