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A girl flirts with anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)19:54:57 No.849593425 >be me 5 yrs ago >go to high school >a 6/10 but hot af girl from class likes me >openly flirts with me >too autistic to do anything about it >she has a panic attack one day 624 KB JPG >her panic attacks become frequent >nobody knows she has them >scratches her arms with nails to the point of wounds when she has them >starts coming to school with wrapped arms >tells everyone she fell from a skateboards >opens up to me about her panic attacks >"d-d-do they give you uhh some pills for that" >she says she gets xanax >steal all of her xanax >pop the xanax to forget that im autistic and cant tell her that i like her back >she stops flirting with me
: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)19:54:57 No.849593425 >be me 5 yrs ago >go to high school >a 6/10 but hot af girl from class likes me >openly flirts with me >too autistic to do anything about it >she has a panic attack one day 624 KB JPG >her panic attacks become frequent >nobody knows she has them >scratches her arms with nails to the point of wounds when she has them >starts coming to school with wrapped arms >tells everyone she fell from a skateboards >opens up to me about her panic attacks >"d-d-do they give you uhh some pills for that" >she says she gets xanax >steal all of her xanax >pop the xanax to forget that im autistic and cant tell her that i like her back >she stops flirting with me

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Anon buys meth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)21:33:44 No.849599865 >be me 2 years ago >heavy addiction problem >buying meth >meth plug cooks his own meth and is constantly on it >always meet in a dark alley on friday at 11pm >he walks up to me but doesnt look me in the eyes >doesnt recognize me and begins saying random 15 KB JPG words >i knew the guy for 3 years and didnt see him sober once >well f--- he finally lost it >"WHO ARE YOU WHERE ARE WE" >"im uh.. Anon here for the pickup" >"DONT LIE TO ME GIVE ME YOUR PHONE POLICEMAN" >i turn around and start walking away >"i wouldnt do that if i were you" >the guy pulls a f------ gun >what is happening >"GIVE ME YOUR PHONE POLICEMAN" >i give him my phone and ask to leave >asks me to unlock it >i unlock it, he then takes his phone, opens settings on my phone, and takes a picture of my settings with his phone >"YOU THINK I NEED YOUR PHONE F--- YOUR PHONE" >throws my phone on the ground >protective glass breaks in pieces >thinks he broke my phone >"pick your broken phone up p----" >i pick my phone up and run away >spend 30 dollars on a new protective glass and never do meth again in my life >thank you fried meth dealer
: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)21:33:44 No.849599865 >be me 2 years ago >heavy addiction problem >buying meth >meth plug cooks his own meth and is constantly on it >always meet in a dark alley on friday at 11pm >he walks up to me but doesnt look me in the eyes >doesnt recognize me and begins saying random 15 KB JPG words >i knew the guy for 3 years and didnt see him sober once >well f--- he finally lost it >"WHO ARE YOU WHERE ARE WE" >"im uh.. Anon here for the pickup" >"DONT LIE TO ME GIVE ME YOUR PHONE POLICEMAN" >i turn around and start walking away >"i wouldnt do that if i were you" >the guy pulls a f------ gun >what is happening >"GIVE ME YOUR PHONE POLICEMAN" >i give him my phone and ask to leave >asks me to unlock it >i unlock it, he then takes his phone, opens settings on my phone, and takes a picture of my settings with his phone >"YOU THINK I NEED YOUR PHONE F--- YOUR PHONE" >throws my phone on the ground >protective glass breaks in pieces >thinks he broke my phone >"pick your broken phone up p----" >i pick my phone up and run away >spend 30 dollars on a new protective glass and never do meth again in my life >thank you fried meth dealer

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Anon plays Roblox | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)11:41:47 No.849592704 >be me >search up username, find old roblox account >nostalgia.wav >log on to see what changed >play some gta prison ripoff or 22 KB JPG some s--- >bots spamming sites >children saying “kid" and tbagging >players dressed as bags of takis what the f---?????????
: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)11:41:47 No.849592704 >be me >search up username, find old roblox account >nostalgia.wav >log on to see what changed >play some gta prison ripoff or 22 KB JPG some s--- >bots spamming sites >children saying “kid" and tbagging >players dressed as bags of takis what the f---?????????

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Anon discoveres the internet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)20:39:58 No.849596244 >be me, 13 >autistic loser, never had a friend >nobody talks to me >just started playing World of Warcraft >wow this game is amazing >meet a female night elf player 1.57 MB PNG >characters name is "Nightya" >female night elf model is hot af >we become friends >start playing together often >my first friend >never asked the player if she was a girl in real life, assumed she was because she played a female character >start to fall in love >im 13 and in love with pixels controlled by a human i never met >the best part of my day becomes when Nightya logs on and we talk >i start to fantasize about living with her >my first love >she tells me that she is cleaning her friend list one day an will remove me >i literally start sobbing and shaking >tell her that im crying and that i need her in my life >she is shocked and tells me to get on a skype call >Nightya is actually a 30 something year old guy >block eachother >never be happy for the next year
: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)20:39:58 No.849596244 >be me, 13 >autistic loser, never had a friend >nobody talks to me >just started playing World of Warcraft >wow this game is amazing >meet a female night elf player 1.57 MB PNG >characters name is "Nightya" >female night elf model is hot af >we become friends >start playing together often >my first friend >never asked the player if she was a girl in real life, assumed she was because she played a female character >start to fall in love >im 13 and in love with pixels controlled by a human i never met >the best part of my day becomes when Nightya logs on and we talk >i start to fantasize about living with her >my first love >she tells me that she is cleaning her friend list one day an will remove me >i literally start sobbing and shaking >tell her that im crying and that i need her in my life >she is shocked and tells me to get on a skype call >Nightya is actually a 30 something year old guy >block eachother >never be happy for the next year

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Anon's dad has autism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)21:25:35 No.849599313 >Dad left when I was 12yo >l'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish >lf I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish I think my dad has autism. 200 13 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)21:25:35 No.849599313 >Dad left when I was 12yo >l'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish >lf I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish I think my dad has autism. 200 13 KB JPG

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Anon doesn't believe in microwave | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)12:04:48 No.849177823 >no fire >spinning plate (???) 107 KB JPG >hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm >beep beep beep beep >food is hot just imagine believing in microwave 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)12:04:48 No.849177823 >no fire >spinning plate (???) 107 KB JPG >hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm >beep beep beep beep >food is hot just imagine believing in microwave 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon's mom get beaned | /r/Greentext

File: 284.png (357 KB, 600x840) Uh oh! You friccin O Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)13:45:14 No.771509716 moron. You just got BEANED! >Be me >14 >My mom is super scared about what I have on my phone >Download one of those calculator apps that hide images behind a code >One day she was going through my phone >She bursts into my room, phone in hand >"Anon! What is this?" >Tell her it's just a calculator app >I'm freaking out on the inside >She says she knows what it is >O_Shit.jpg >"OPEN IT NOW ANON!" >Start freaking out >Say no >She threatens to take away everything I have for a year >Unlock calculator Tag your friends to totally BEAN! them! >She looks at screen >Theres only one image >She opens it >lt's literally just the stupid beaned picture >Mom looks at me >"What the f--- anon?"
File: 284.png (357 KB, 600x840) Uh oh! You friccin O Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)13:45:14 No.771509716 moron. You just got BEANED! >Be me >14 >My mom is super scared about what I have on my phone >Download one of those calculator apps that hide images behind a code >One day she was going through my phone >She bursts into my room, phone in hand >"Anon! What is this?" >Tell her it's just a calculator app >I'm freaking out on the inside >She says she knows what it is >O_Shit.jpg >"OPEN IT NOW ANON!" >Start freaking out >Say no >She threatens to take away everything I have for a year >Unlock calculator Tag your friends to totally BEAN! them! >She looks at screen >Theres only one image >She opens it >lt's literally just the stupid beaned picture >Mom looks at me >"What the f--- anon?"

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Anon's opinions are popular | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)03:23:23 No.62742660 me >be me >having controversial opinions about Igbt and black lives matter. >watching bunch of steven crowder, ben shapiro and other conservative's videos. >getting ready to destroy libtards >no libtards in my country >most of the people are homophobic and 45 KB PNG racist anyway >mfw
: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)03:23:23 No.62742660 me >be me >having controversial opinions about Igbt and black lives matter. >watching bunch of steven crowder, ben shapiro and other conservative's videos. >getting ready to destroy libtards >no libtards in my country >most of the people are homophobic and 45 KB PNG racist anyway >mfw

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Anon has a good day. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)08:50:58 No.849576738 >be me >c-- happiness.jpg 304 KB PNG View Thread
: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)08:50:58 No.849576738 >be me >c-- happiness.jpg 304 KB PNG View Thread

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Anon is Charlie Kelly | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/19/19(Sat)06:20:09 No.50502084 >be me >scour the sewers every night >cant find any love or anything to keep me company IN >my only friends are rats >the rats 10 KB JPG >oh my god >im a rat >do you see that cheese over there >im just goanna go get this cheese : Anonymous 01/19/19(Sat)06:25:01 No.50502142 this is painfully unfunny retard >>50502306 #
: Anonymous 01/19/19(Sat)06:20:09 No.50502084 >be me >scour the sewers every night >cant find any love or anything to keep me company IN >my only friends are rats >the rats 10 KB JPG >oh my god >im a rat >do you see that cheese over there >im just goanna go get this cheese : Anonymous 01/19/19(Sat)06:25:01 No.50502142 this is painfully unfunny retard >>50502306 #

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Anon likely misunderstood the situation | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/09/15(Mon)01:03:09 No.24130722 >>24128552 (OP) >be me in middle school >see two chads bullying girl, making fun of a scar she has or something i can't 13 KB JPG remember >come up and say "hey guys leave her alone" >she turns and says "oh god" and rolls her eyes >all three of them laugh at me
Anonymous 11/09/15(Mon)01:03:09 No.24130722 >>24128552 (OP) >be me in middle school >see two chads bullying girl, making fun of a scar she has or something i can't 13 KB JPG remember >come up and say "hey guys leave her alone" >she turns and says "oh god" and rolls her eyes >all three of them laugh at me

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Anon is smart | /r/Greentext

>be me >back in high school >really didn't feel like finishing a project near the end of the school year >so instead I acquired a zip bomb the likes of which have never been seen before, label it as the project I mentioned >forward it to the entire school district of staff >f---- up literally every computer except for a few in the computer room >the entire end of the school year gets turned on it's head because now the overweight bitches in the media room actually have to stand up and deliver papers to people >after everything the teachers are told by the it guy that it was sent from me >say I have no idea how it happened and my file must have gotten corrupted >they believe it because puny shriveled boomer minds and I have no school record of doing bad or dumb s--- >mfw I act like I feel sick so I can sit outside the nurse office and watch the 400 pound big black whale women in the front groan and grunt when they get out of their chairs
>be me >back in high school >really didn't feel like finishing a project near the end of the school year >so instead I acquired a zip bomb the likes of which have never been seen before, label it as the project I mentioned >forward it to the entire school district of staff >f---- up literally every computer except for a few in the computer room >the entire end of the school year gets turned on it's head because now the overweight bitches in the media room actually have to stand up and deliver papers to people >after everything the teachers are told by the it guy that it was sent from me >say I have no idea how it happened and my file must have gotten corrupted >they believe it because puny shriveled boomer minds and I have no school record of doing bad or dumb s--- >mfw I act like I feel sick so I can sit outside the nurse office and watch the 400 pound big black whale women in the front groan and grunt when they get out of their chairs

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Anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/14/20(Sat)02:35:38 No.822710328 ► Autism moments greentext I'll start III start >be me, 14 years old at the time >Mom asks me to buy something at the convenience store >Go there >Wait in long ass line >At the counter, they scan the items and bag it >autism.exe kicks in >Leave the counter without giving them the money >Walk out of the store >Store employee chases me outside >l don't realize didn't pay until the employee got in front of me >Security guard just stood there >I give the money without asking for change >Can hear the employee laughing as he walks back inside >Get back home, Mom tells me to put change in her wallet >Use my own savings as the change >Never told my mom about this
Anonymous 03/14/20(Sat)02:35:38 No.822710328 ► Autism moments greentext I'll start III start >be me, 14 years old at the time >Mom asks me to buy something at the convenience store >Go there >Wait in long ass line >At the counter, they scan the items and bag it >autism.exe kicks in >Leave the counter without giving them the money >Walk out of the store >Store employee chases me outside >l don't realize didn't pay until the employee got in front of me >Security guard just stood there >I give the money without asking for change >Can hear the employee laughing as he walks back inside >Get back home, Mom tells me to put change in her wallet >Use my own savings as the change >Never told my mom about this

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Anon joins the Marines | /r/Greentext

File: 1415502294087.gif (500 KB, 500x300) Anonymous 03/09/15(Mon)19:47:45 No.16952921 [Reply] >>16952962 >be me >was in corps for 4 years >now GI Biller >studying mechanical engineering at uni >get offered exchange with a french university in Paris >mother is french, so I know a good lot of the language >accept >while there, decide to get a little job to make extra money >get hired at Subway >working there one night, it's empty >one of my ex squadmates enter the restaurant >make eye contact "well h--------." >greet each other and start talking >turns out he's on a trip here with his wife >tell him my story >"Damn I never knew you were half-frenchie" >starts talking in this retarded fake-french accent >"Ho ho hol I am ze french ! I eet ze baguette" >"F--- off. What sandwich do you want?" >"I eet ze one thirtee centimeeter with ze bread zat iz yellow" >That's the flat bread" >"Oui, le flat bread" >Keeps talking like a retard >get to the veggies >"I eet ze little black circles" >"The olives?" >"Oui olives in ze yellow sub, marine!"
File: 1415502294087.gif (500 KB, 500x300) Anonymous 03/09/15(Mon)19:47:45 No.16952921 [Reply] >>16952962 >be me >was in corps for 4 years >now GI Biller >studying mechanical engineering at uni >get offered exchange with a french university in Paris >mother is french, so I know a good lot of the language >accept >while there, decide to get a little job to make extra money >get hired at Subway >working there one night, it's empty >one of my ex squadmates enter the restaurant >make eye contact "well h--------." >greet each other and start talking >turns out he's on a trip here with his wife >tell him my story >"Damn I never knew you were half-frenchie" >starts talking in this retarded fake-french accent >"Ho ho hol I am ze french ! I eet ze baguette" >"F--- off. What sandwich do you want?" >"I eet ze one thirtee centimeeter with ze bread zat iz yellow" >That's the flat bread" >"Oui, le flat bread" >Keeps talking like a retard >get to the veggies >"I eet ze little black circles" >"The olives?" >"Oui olives in ze yellow sub, marine!"

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Main vein thrombosis | /r/Greentext

File: pngegg.png (125 KB, 488x604) Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)07:44:31 No.849571228 [Reply] D > be me > redditfag > decide to check out tiktok > download app > create account > log in > see video with girl in tight leggins > swipe up > another video with girl in tight leggins > swipe up > another video with girl in tight leggins > swipe up > girl moaning: "this is my outfit for today and if you don't like it you can leave" > swipe up > video with girl in tight leggins and ugly boyfriend what world have i just discovered?
File: pngegg.png (125 KB, 488x604) Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)07:44:31 No.849571228 [Reply] D > be me > redditfag > decide to check out tiktok > download app > create account > log in > see video with girl in tight leggins > swipe up > another video with girl in tight leggins > swipe up > another video with girl in tight leggins > swipe up > girl moaning: "this is my outfit for today and if you don't like it you can leave" > swipe up > video with girl in tight leggins and ugly boyfriend what world have i just discovered?

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Anon went drinking with the boys | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)19:54:09 No.842339156 >be me >go out drinking with the boys >get super drunk >wake up in someone else's bed >look over and see 7/10 girl >find my clothes with phone in pocket >check messages 89 KB PNG >7 missed calls from dad, 4 from mom >texts from boys asking where I'm at >most recent message sent was to black uncle >called him n word for no reason >mfw when parents think I'm kidnapped, boys think I'm dead, and uncle thins I'm a racist what do anons?
: Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)19:54:09 No.842339156 >be me >go out drinking with the boys >get super drunk >wake up in someone else's bed >look over and see 7/10 girl >find my clothes with phone in pocket >check messages 89 KB PNG >7 missed calls from dad, 4 from mom >texts from boys asking where I'm at >most recent message sent was to black uncle >called him n word for no reason >mfw when parents think I'm kidnapped, boys think I'm dead, and uncle thins I'm a racist what do anons?

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Anon joins 4chan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/23/19(Fri)08:26:22 No.807817159 >hear that 4chan is filled with elite hackers >open browser and go to 4chan >my laptop camera scans my retina >"permission granted" >holy mackerel these guys are elite! >l get a message on my phone from an unknown number 381 KB JPG >"put all your fingers on the trackpad" >l put my fingers on the trackpad and my fingerprints are burned off >holy f--- >mfw they initiate me into their anti-establishment hacker group >mfw we're going to flip society on their head >lol just kidding >they're just a bunch of retards
: Anonymous 08/23/19(Fri)08:26:22 No.807817159 >hear that 4chan is filled with elite hackers >open browser and go to 4chan >my laptop camera scans my retina >"permission granted" >holy mackerel these guys are elite! >l get a message on my phone from an unknown number 381 KB JPG >"put all your fingers on the trackpad" >l put my fingers on the trackpad and my fingerprints are burned off >holy f--- >mfw they initiate me into their anti-establishment hacker group >mfw we're going to flip society on their head >lol just kidding >they're just a bunch of retards

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Anon takes a hike | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)00:58:06 No.62711319 My encounter with a creep >waiting for the bus with a huge backpack (been out hiking) >drinking a bottle of Fanta 693 KB WEBM >this balding manlet coomer looking guy with sunglasses comes and sits right beside me >l can see he's staring at me through the glasses >"So.... *licks lips* where are you going?" >"Been out hiking" >continues to stare and talk about random s--- with me >l reply with short answers >gets closer to me >can clearly see he is fantasizing about eating my smegma or something >put my angry face on and stares back at him >he gets intimidated and backs of a bit >l get up and throw my Fanta bottle in the trash and sit back down >he immediately gets up, digs around the trash and grabs my bottle >"I'm eeehh... going to recycle it" >w--.png >he walks away >15 min later my bus arrives and as I'm walking in I see that m----------- going into another bus with my bottle in hand placing it into his purse bringing it home I don't know what he did with my bottle other than sticking his d--- in it and I don't want to know
: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)00:58:06 No.62711319 My encounter with a creep >waiting for the bus with a huge backpack (been out hiking) >drinking a bottle of Fanta 693 KB WEBM >this balding manlet coomer looking guy with sunglasses comes and sits right beside me >l can see he's staring at me through the glasses >"So.... *licks lips* where are you going?" >"Been out hiking" >continues to stare and talk about random s--- with me >l reply with short answers >gets closer to me >can clearly see he is fantasizing about eating my smegma or something >put my angry face on and stares back at him >he gets intimidated and backs of a bit >l get up and throw my Fanta bottle in the trash and sit back down >he immediately gets up, digs around the trash and grabs my bottle >"I'm eeehh... going to recycle it" >w--.png >he walks away >15 min later my bus arrives and as I'm walking in I see that m----------- going into another bus with my bottle in hand placing it into his purse bringing it home I don't know what he did with my bottle other than sticking his d--- in it and I don't want to know

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Anon has Chinese privilege | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)14:42:15 No.80643647 > first day at office in 12 months > walk in to meet new manager BLACK LIVES MATTER for first time > see pic related on her wall > asks me if like her poster > smile and node 30 KB JPG > "Amazing anon! We will get on great! Great that we can check-out our white privilege and leave it at the door" > tell her I am 75% Chinese and don't have white privilege > She tells me we all have some degree of white privilege > I smile and leave > Report her and what just happened to HR > HR is Chinese descent > White privilege lady get fire > See her packing things into box > tell her not to forget her white privilege > watch her burst into tears > feel slightly guilty > push 35 commits, feel better > go home and eat sushi
: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)14:42:15 No.80643647 > first day at office in 12 months > walk in to meet new manager BLACK LIVES MATTER for first time > see pic related on her wall > asks me if like her poster > smile and node 30 KB JPG > "Amazing anon! We will get on great! Great that we can check-out our white privilege and leave it at the door" > tell her I am 75% Chinese and don't have white privilege > She tells me we all have some degree of white privilege > I smile and leave > Report her and what just happened to HR > HR is Chinese descent > White privilege lady get fire > See her packing things into box > tell her not to forget her white privilege > watch her burst into tears > feel slightly guilty > push 35 commits, feel better > go home and eat sushi

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Anon is a loser. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/13/21(Sat)21:51:07 No.62741820 >be me >wage cuck >have to park a car of 8/10 roasties because they ordered a lot of food >5 minutes later food is ready >"anon, take it out to the park car please" 140 KB PNG >"y-yes" >walk to car, spaghetti already building up >give them food >"thanks dude" >"y-y-you to" >she looks concerned >whatever >turn around and walk away, put hands in pockets to look like a cool guy >trip over crack in ground >they all laugh at me >holding in tears >they drive away why don't i just end it View Thread
: Anonymous 03/13/21(Sat)21:51:07 No.62741820 >be me >wage cuck >have to park a car of 8/10 roasties because they ordered a lot of food >5 minutes later food is ready >"anon, take it out to the park car please" 140 KB PNG >"y-yes" >walk to car, spaghetti already building up >give them food >"thanks dude" >"y-y-you to" >she looks concerned >whatever >turn around and walk away, put hands in pockets to look like a cool guy >trip over crack in ground >they all laugh at me >holding in tears >they drive away why don't i just end it View Thread

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