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Anon experiences 5 Gum | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)07:35:03 No.62715666 >mfw putting expensive chewing gum in someone else's shopping cart 53 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)07:35:03 No.62715666 >mfw putting expensive chewing gum in someone else's shopping cart 53 KB JPG

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Anon lies online | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 10/12/10(Tue)12:31 No.75545XXX File1286901093.jpg-(48 KB, 678x444, 1233814009623.jpg) >Pretend I'm a girl just to get items >Meet a great girl in the process that convinces me to join her guild >Become best friends >She turns out to be a lesbian >Keep pretending even if it feels wrong >7months of online dating and cybering >She tells me we have to talk >Think she wants to meet IRL and get ready to tell her the horrble truth >She tells me she's really a guy pretending he's a lesbian >My f------ face when we' ve been two guys cybering lesbian sex for 7 months
O Anonymous 10/12/10(Tue)12:31 No.75545XXX File1286901093.jpg-(48 KB, 678x444, 1233814009623.jpg) >Pretend I'm a girl just to get items >Meet a great girl in the process that convinces me to join her guild >Become best friends >She turns out to be a lesbian >Keep pretending even if it feels wrong >7months of online dating and cybering >She tells me we have to talk >Think she wants to meet IRL and get ready to tell her the horrble truth >She tells me she's really a guy pretending he's a lesbian >My f------ face when we' ve been two guys cybering lesbian sex for 7 months

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Anon is not a trap | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)16:44:25 No.849408061 >be me >wanna be a trap >6'5" 275lbs, buff >mfw 172 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)16:44:25 No.849408061 >be me >wanna be a trap >6'5" 275lbs, buff >mfw 172 KB JPG

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B-Bond. J-james B-b-bond | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant сараcity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.
: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant сараcity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.

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Anon does a bottle flip | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)14:18:29 No.849406917 >be me 5 years ago >just starting high school >mega autist brain >bottle flips >throwing bottles around the classroom like a retard with friend 137 KB JPG >get mega retardation rush >AYYO WATCH THIS >throw a bottle with all of my strenght across the whole classroom >BOTTLE IS FLYING >wreck the lighting on the ceiling to pieces >OMEGALUL >friend gets autist manic laugh and throws himself on the floor laughing >a random teacher walks in >friend on the floor covered in glass unable to speak from laughter >"what is your name?!??" >his name is ian >"MUHAMMAD" >friend gets detention and a warning from school for faking identity and pays for new lighting >i dont get punished for anything
: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)14:18:29 No.849406917 >be me 5 years ago >just starting high school >mega autist brain >bottle flips >throwing bottles around the classroom like a retard with friend 137 KB JPG >get mega retardation rush >AYYO WATCH THIS >throw a bottle with all of my strenght across the whole classroom >BOTTLE IS FLYING >wreck the lighting on the ceiling to pieces >OMEGALUL >friend gets autist manic laugh and throws himself on the floor laughing >a random teacher walks in >friend on the floor covered in glass unable to speak from laughter >"what is your name?!??" >his name is ian >"MUHAMMAD" >friend gets detention and a warning from school for faking identity and pays for new lighting >i dont get punished for anything

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Andre 3k posts on the chan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/27/20(Wed)09:17:34 No.828592520 >be me >25, living in s----- poor town with gf >s--- neighbors, even s------- children >the little bastards broke the 6 KB JPG window of my car >their 300 pound mom wont punish them or give me money for repairs >one of their children is epileptic, this will be important >christmas >save up and buy one of those expensive lights with a remote >i put lights up with gf >s--- looks cash money >gf cooking, said she needs sugar but we're out of sugar >i volunteer myself to go to the neighbors and ask for sugars >the little bastards are gonna get what they deserve >grab remote, head to neighbors >before i knock the door i turn on the lights >stand on the side of the door and ask for sugar >the bastard opens the door and looks across the street >f----- begins shaking, >his mom comes rolling over and asked what happend >say idk, walk home >gf asked what happened >i tell her what i said >lend me some sugar i am your neighbor, here we go now, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it View Thread
: Anonymous 05/27/20(Wed)09:17:34 No.828592520 >be me >25, living in s----- poor town with gf >s--- neighbors, even s------- children >the little bastards broke the 6 KB JPG window of my car >their 300 pound mom wont punish them or give me money for repairs >one of their children is epileptic, this will be important >christmas >save up and buy one of those expensive lights with a remote >i put lights up with gf >s--- looks cash money >gf cooking, said she needs sugar but we're out of sugar >i volunteer myself to go to the neighbors and ask for sugars >the little bastards are gonna get what they deserve >grab remote, head to neighbors >before i knock the door i turn on the lights >stand on the side of the door and ask for sugar >the bastard opens the door and looks across the street >f----- begins shaking, >his mom comes rolling over and asked what happend >say idk, walk home >gf asked what happened >i tell her what i said >lend me some sugar i am your neighbor, here we go now, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it View Thread

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Ngl he's living the dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ ) 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #
: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ ) 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #

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anon gets banned | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/19(Fri)11:48:18 No.792131303 >Be me >Redditfag >Post comment reply on r/greentext making joke about how I only f--- 3 year olds. >Open Reddit later 43 KB JPG >"Your account has been permanently suspended for sexual or suggestive content involving minors." >mfw Reddit now thinks I'm a registered sex offender. >mfw they think I had sex. >later virgins.
: Anonymous 02/08/19(Fri)11:48:18 No.792131303 >Be me >Redditfag >Post comment reply on r/greentext making joke about how I only f--- 3 year olds. >Open Reddit later 43 KB JPG >"Your account has been permanently suspended for sexual or suggestive content involving minors." >mfw Reddit now thinks I'm a registered sex offender. >mfw they think I had sex. >later virgins.

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Anon takes a bath | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)21:11:31 No.849371663 >be me, taking a bath >felt really horny, gets an idea >grabs a shampoo bottle and imagine its a d---, and stroking it like giving a h------ >touch myself as I imagine through it >as I about to c--, I squeezed the bottle 39 KB JPG and the shampoo spurts all over my face >I came as I feel the shampoo running down my face >Squirt some shampoo on my back too like someone came outside after f------ me >Clean myself after How's your bath, /b/? 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)21:12:32 No.849371741 >>849371663 (OP) # How did you clean yourself when your gross ass sperm was floating around in the tub around you?
: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)21:11:31 No.849371663 >be me, taking a bath >felt really horny, gets an idea >grabs a shampoo bottle and imagine its a d---, and stroking it like giving a h------ >touch myself as I imagine through it >as I about to c--, I squeezed the bottle 39 KB JPG and the shampoo spurts all over my face >I came as I feel the shampoo running down my face >Squirt some shampoo on my back too like someone came outside after f------ me >Clean myself after How's your bath, /b/? 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)21:12:32 No.849371741 >>849371663 (OP) # How did you clean yourself when your gross ass sperm was floating around in the tub around you?

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Anon still remember | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Mz+F72xl) 04/23/14(Wed)02:24:34 No.543522159 >be 3 years old >standing in the living room next to leather sofa >for no apparent reason think to myself "i will remember this moment" >still do
Anonymous (ID: Mz+F72xl) 04/23/14(Wed)02:24:34 No.543522159 >be 3 years old >standing in the living room next to leather sofa >for no apparent reason think to myself "i will remember this moment" >still do

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Anon goes to sleep | /r/Greentext


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Anon smokes weed | /r/Greentext


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AIDs LARP results in mega lulz | /r/Greentext


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Anon calls us out | /r/Greentext


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Anon can’t find the sauce | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)17:14:49 No.849355834 >Be me. >J------- with family computer. >C------. >Can't find the rope. >Look on carpet, under desk, all round. >Pearls are missing. >Where are they? 59 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)17:14:49 No.849355834 >Be me. >J------- with family computer. >C------. >Can't find the rope. >Look on carpet, under desk, all round. >Pearls are missing. >Where are they? 59 KB JPG

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Anon gets singled out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)02:51:22 No.62712488 >in med school >professors keep saying the key to success is being likeable so most of you guys will do fine >though there's always a few weird kids that will struggle >sometimes they don't make it he's talking about me bros. i can f------ 37 KB PNG feel it and it stings
: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)02:51:22 No.62712488 >in med school >professors keep saying the key to success is being likeable so most of you guys will do fine >though there's always a few weird kids that will struggle >sometimes they don't make it he's talking about me bros. i can f------ 37 KB PNG feel it and it stings

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Anon finds a body | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)12:30:41 No.8494026 >find dead Body at trainstation Later virgins 4 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)12:30:41 No.8494026 >find dead Body at trainstation Later virgins 4 KB JPG

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Femanon BTFO | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/18(Fri)09:54:45 No.776769563 >be me 24yo female >virgin and actually friendless >been working the same job for 2 years and not have a single friend at work >dude that has been working with me for a year and has never 165 KB JPG acknowledged me, randomly asks me out >desperate so I say yes >had sex cuz I really wanted to loose my virginity >missed period >got pregnant >gave birth a month ago >he quit the job we shared and blocked my number haven't seen him since the birth of our son
: Anonymous 08/10/18(Fri)09:54:45 No.776769563 >be me 24yo female >virgin and actually friendless >been working the same job for 2 years and not have a single friend at work >dude that has been working with me for a year and has never 165 KB JPG acknowledged me, randomly asks me out >desperate so I say yes >had sex cuz I really wanted to loose my virginity >missed period >got pregnant >gave birth a month ago >he quit the job we shared and blocked my number haven't seen him since the birth of our son

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Anon orders a swimming pool | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)20:05:58 No.849344230 >Order swimming pool off Amazon for my Terrapins >1 Day later >Parcel is in front porch not handed to anyone >ldea 42 KB JPG >Tell Amazon parcel didnt turn up >Get refund >The world is my game
: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)20:05:58 No.849344230 >Order swimming pool off Amazon for my Terrapins >1 Day later >Parcel is in front porch not handed to anyone >ldea 42 KB JPG >Tell Amazon parcel didnt turn up >Get refund >The world is my game

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Anon is lucky | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)11:02:08 No.849398841 >be me, 19, depressed drug phase >parents have money >high 24/7, lonely, want to die >meet a 11/10 goth girl who also does drugs >instant fall in love 55 KB JPG >she has a boyfriend >end up having a party at my place with her friends >they leave, we have sex, best sex ever >says she loves me >ask her to leave her boyfriend for me >"i cant yet i will one day i promise" >too fried too care, fall in love with her >we end up going to my place to do drugs and f--- every week for months >i buy her a lot of gifts >doesnt let me kiss her or hold her hand when were outside >whatever >f--- without protection all the time >lets me f--- her in her ass too >does whatever i ask, freaky af >my sex life can not be better >her bf finds out about her cheating >she gets mad, says she is scared of her boyfriend beating her up >im heartbroken, make myself stop talking to her >1 year later, im clean of all drugs >no longer have fried brain, can think >she f----- me without protection all the time, talked about how bad she wants me to c-- in her >she literally wanted me to get her pregenant because she saw i have money and she was poor >f--- i was lucky
: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)11:02:08 No.849398841 >be me, 19, depressed drug phase >parents have money >high 24/7, lonely, want to die >meet a 11/10 goth girl who also does drugs >instant fall in love 55 KB JPG >she has a boyfriend >end up having a party at my place with her friends >they leave, we have sex, best sex ever >says she loves me >ask her to leave her boyfriend for me >"i cant yet i will one day i promise" >too fried too care, fall in love with her >we end up going to my place to do drugs and f--- every week for months >i buy her a lot of gifts >doesnt let me kiss her or hold her hand when were outside >whatever >f--- without protection all the time >lets me f--- her in her ass too >does whatever i ask, freaky af >my sex life can not be better >her bf finds out about her cheating >she gets mad, says she is scared of her boyfriend beating her up >im heartbroken, make myself stop talking to her >1 year later, im clean of all drugs >no longer have fried brain, can think >she f----- me without protection all the time, talked about how bad she wants me to c-- in her >she literally wanted me to get her pregenant because she saw i have money and she was poor >f--- i was lucky

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