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Anon cheats | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/11/21(Thu)10:38:56 No.543918975 >sit down to watch my boyfriend play >its a dark souls like type game >he dies >he activates a god mode one hit 230 KB JPG kill cheat i'm dating a little bitch and i hate it
: Anonymous 02/11/21(Thu)10:38:56 No.543918975 >sit down to watch my boyfriend play >its a dark souls like type game >he dies >he activates a god mode one hit 230 KB JPG kill cheat i'm dating a little bitch and i hate it

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Check 'em... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)07:01:29 No.847273469 >be me >have female friend >sometimes j------- to her social media posts >got nice legs >after a bit of time we separate and we don't speak for a bit 177 KB PNG >we then reconnect and speak again >think "f--- it ill try n jerk it again" >go on her social media >she got chubby >like her chin merged with her neck >get turned off by the mere sight of her >never jerked to her again We still talk but i don't have the crush i used to have for her. Shame cos her legs are still good but can't be distracted from the face :/ Pic unrelated
: Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)07:01:29 No.847273469 >be me >have female friend >sometimes j------- to her social media posts >got nice legs >after a bit of time we separate and we don't speak for a bit 177 KB PNG >we then reconnect and speak again >think "f--- it ill try n jerk it again" >go on her social media >she got chubby >like her chin merged with her neck >get turned off by the mere sight of her >never jerked to her again We still talk but i don't have the crush i used to have for her. Shame cos her legs are still good but can't be distracted from the face :/ Pic unrelated

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Anon has spray bottles | /r/Greentext

>Be me >F------ around during zoom class >Have a spray bottle for water >Have a spray bottle for rubbing alcohol >Start making mist clouds >Decide to make one big cloud with both bottles 18 KB JPG >Forget that cloud is made of alcohol >Walk through cloud and get rubbing alcohol in my eyes and nose >l'm retarded
>Be me >F------ around during zoom class >Have a spray bottle for water >Have a spray bottle for rubbing alcohol >Start making mist clouds >Decide to make one big cloud with both bottles 18 KB JPG >Forget that cloud is made of alcohol >Walk through cloud and get rubbing alcohol in my eyes and nose >l'm retarded

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Anon likes water | /r/Greentext

Anonymous| 797353674 > be me > be me at 2am >i need water > drink water thanks water O REPLIES O IMAGES
Anonymous| 797353674 > be me > be me at 2am >i need water > drink water thanks water O REPLIES O IMAGES

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Big bon-bons, he's got 'em | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)22:33:48 No.62303575 >be me >at work, s----- food job in college town >eatting handfuls of chocolates in the freezer >coworker comes up behind me >"SEX DUNGEON, ANON'S IN MY 305 KB PNG SEX DUNGEON." > what did he mean by this
: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)22:33:48 No.62303575 >be me >at work, s----- food job in college town >eatting handfuls of chocolates in the freezer >coworker comes up behind me >"SEX DUNGEON, ANON'S IN MY 305 KB PNG SEX DUNGEON." > what did he mean by this

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Anon's gf cheats on him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/21/18(Fri)14:51:38 No.787850675 >be me 16 >have a gf of two years >always have been self conscious of her cheating on me >decide to make a fake 36 KB JPG account and hit her up on snapchat >she doesn't suspect a thing >eventually convince to trade nudes >she loves it and sends pics of her ass/t--- >she tells me about how she would go behind her boyfriends back and f--- me whenever she could >still going on >i don't know if i should tell her or keep going >tfw my gf is cheating on me with me
: Anonymous 12/21/18(Fri)14:51:38 No.787850675 >be me 16 >have a gf of two years >always have been self conscious of her cheating on me >decide to make a fake 36 KB JPG account and hit her up on snapchat >she doesn't suspect a thing >eventually convince to trade nudes >she loves it and sends pics of her ass/t--- >she tells me about how she would go behind her boyfriends back and f--- me whenever she could >still going on >i don't know if i should tell her or keep going >tfw my gf is cheating on me with me

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anon is an alien | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)06:16:58 No.27640111 >be me >flying through the galaxy with my boys >running low on fuel crystals and I really have to piss >we make a pit stop on this decent looking planet, hopefully the beings 126 KB JPG there can help us >we land in a forest and make our way to the closest structure >the beings inside it see us, but they freak the f--- out, like they've never seen someone from another planet before >they shoot at us with pieces of metal >stings a little bit >realize they're crazy, run back innawoods >one of my boys finds the crystals we need in a cave anyway >Nope out of that s------- and never come back
: Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)06:16:58 No.27640111 >be me >flying through the galaxy with my boys >running low on fuel crystals and I really have to piss >we make a pit stop on this decent looking planet, hopefully the beings 126 KB JPG there can help us >we land in a forest and make our way to the closest structure >the beings inside it see us, but they freak the f--- out, like they've never seen someone from another planet before >they shoot at us with pieces of metal >stings a little bit >realize they're crazy, run back innawoods >one of my boys finds the crystals we need in a cave anyway >Nope out of that s------- and never come back

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Anon tries to get an abortion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/20/18(Sat)20:10:24 No.782820861 >Be me >17 fem >Try to get abotion >Start to hear whispers in my ear >Look behind me >Needle goes into my throat and I get knocked out 7 KB JPG >Wake up >Im tied to a chair >Look around >See Ben Shapiro >Pulls bat out >Hits me so hard I cant move >Takes the baby out, no painkiller >Says "Libtard, I will raise this baby" >Bleed and die in the middle of nowhere >All I see is ben sapiro chant a magic spell, and the baby grows into a clone of Ben Shapiro >I die a few minutes later
: Anonymous 10/20/18(Sat)20:10:24 No.782820861 >Be me >17 fem >Try to get abotion >Start to hear whispers in my ear >Look behind me >Needle goes into my throat and I get knocked out 7 KB JPG >Wake up >Im tied to a chair >Look around >See Ben Shapiro >Pulls bat out >Hits me so hard I cant move >Takes the baby out, no painkiller >Says "Libtard, I will raise this baby" >Bleed and die in the middle of nowhere >All I see is ben sapiro chant a magic spell, and the baby grows into a clone of Ben Shapiro >I die a few minutes later

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Anon gets a haircut | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Haircut more like gaycut haha 08/15/18(Wed)15:05:05 No.47522915 >yesterday >haircut time cuz never bothered getting one during summer >like it long in front to the point where it reaches my mouth >go sit down and get weird cape thing put 12 KB JPG on >"uuhhh. Idk, probably half an inch off the back and trim the sides so it doesnt stick out so far" >2 seconds later this bitch for real whips out a f------ electric razor >proceeds to shave pretty much my entire f------ head to where my hair feels like sheep hair >everywhere but front, then cuts half of the front off. Doesnt even reach my nose > thins everything out, even though i like it frizzy >too shy to say anything >asks if its short enough >SHORT ENOUGH? I OUGHTTA F------ STAB YOUR EYES IF YOU THINK THATS LONG >"yeah it fine" >f------ mortified from what just happened >pay and act likes nothing wrong >scream in car for like 15min cuz its so f------ bad i legit feel disgust when i lool in mirror >even has s--- outline on sides from where long hair meets the short hair >too p----- to eat my jimmy johns >plus school tomorrow >f--- man, f--- haircuts : Anonymous 08/15/18(Wed)15:07:28 No.47522950 these shy n----- are never r---- because if someone tells they're gonna f--- their pooper they're like >uuhhhh. Idk. just be gentle
: Anonymous Haircut more like gaycut haha 08/15/18(Wed)15:05:05 No.47522915 >yesterday >haircut time cuz never bothered getting one during summer >like it long in front to the point where it reaches my mouth >go sit down and get weird cape thing put 12 KB JPG on >"uuhhh. Idk, probably half an inch off the back and trim the sides so it doesnt stick out so far" >2 seconds later this bitch for real whips out a f------ electric razor >proceeds to shave pretty much my entire f------ head to where my hair feels like sheep hair >everywhere but front, then cuts half of the front off. Doesnt even reach my nose > thins everything out, even though i like it frizzy >too shy to say anything >asks if its short enough >SHORT ENOUGH? I OUGHTTA F------ STAB YOUR EYES IF YOU THINK THATS LONG >"yeah it fine" >f------ mortified from what just happened >pay and act likes nothing wrong >scream in car for like 15min cuz its so f------ bad i legit feel disgust when i lool in mirror >even has s--- outline on sides from where long hair meets the short hair >too p----- to eat my jimmy johns >plus school tomorrow >f--- man, f--- haircuts : Anonymous 08/15/18(Wed)15:07:28 No.47522950 these shy n----- are never r---- because if someone tells they're gonna f--- their pooper they're like >uuhhhh. Idk. just be gentle

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Anon is alone | /r/Greentext

> be me > living alone > can hear heavy breathing > can hear someone jerking off > just the two of us by grover Washington starts playing > can hear footsteps coming closer 500 KB JPG > oh f--- oh s--- : Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)14:22:44 No.847274257 I'm in your house, OF
> be me > living alone > can hear heavy breathing > can hear someone jerking off > just the two of us by grover Washington starts playing > can hear footsteps coming closer 500 KB JPG > oh f--- oh s--- : Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)14:22:44 No.847274257 I'm in your house, OF

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Anon is a doctor with a kick ass mask | /r/Greentext

>Be me rich doctor with kick-ass mask >Be walking to cathedral to show peasant f--- my expertise >Strolling down the street smacking peasants with my awesome doctor beating stick 31 KB JPG >Lifeisgood.tapestry >Finally arrive at cathedral >Everyone excited I, the very talented doctor, am here >I stroll up to the podium >"What is it that ails you lowly creatures?" I ask in my scary doctor voice >Lady peasant raises her hand >"Ah, yes you! What ails thee repulsive serf creature?" >"My throat m'lord... it hurts whenever I swallow" >"Ah yes! I know exactly what ails thee" >Have no f------ idea what the problem is >Timetofuckingwingit.lutesuite >Have her come to the front of the room >Nervously stall for time as I search my sweet new doctor bag >Settle on knife >Tell stupid peasant bitch that her throat has too much blood in it and it needs to be drained >The audience is loving this s--- >Lay her down on table >"Behold!" >Slice neck open >Ohshit.parchment >Blood spurts across the table >Stupid w---- is squirming and bleeding everywhere >Finally stops moving and bleeding >I turn around and bow >F------ nailed it >They ask if she's dead >I call them addlepated fools and explain she's simply relaxed and will awaken within the hour >Audience nods in approval >Get paid sweet medieval bitcoin >Gtfo as quick as possible >Can't come back to this town >Buy even pointier doctor stick >l am a doctor
>Be me rich doctor with kick-ass mask >Be walking to cathedral to show peasant f--- my expertise >Strolling down the street smacking peasants with my awesome doctor beating stick 31 KB JPG >Lifeisgood.tapestry >Finally arrive at cathedral >Everyone excited I, the very talented doctor, am here >I stroll up to the podium >"What is it that ails you lowly creatures?" I ask in my scary doctor voice >Lady peasant raises her hand >"Ah, yes you! What ails thee repulsive serf creature?" >"My throat m'lord... it hurts whenever I swallow" >"Ah yes! I know exactly what ails thee" >Have no f------ idea what the problem is >Timetofuckingwingit.lutesuite >Have her come to the front of the room >Nervously stall for time as I search my sweet new doctor bag >Settle on knife >Tell stupid peasant bitch that her throat has too much blood in it and it needs to be drained >The audience is loving this s--- >Lay her down on table >"Behold!" >Slice neck open >Ohshit.parchment >Blood spurts across the table >Stupid w---- is squirming and bleeding everywhere >Finally stops moving and bleeding >I turn around and bow >F------ nailed it >They ask if she's dead >I call them addlepated fools and explain she's simply relaxed and will awaken within the hour >Audience nods in approval >Get paid sweet medieval bitcoin >Gtfo as quick as possible >Can't come back to this town >Buy even pointier doctor stick >l am a doctor

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anon gets doxed on 2b2t | /r/Greentext

File: mqdefault jpg (13 KB, 320x180) O Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)11:42:37 No.847270142 >be me >play on 2b2t > get doxxed cause your minecraft name is your real name >sad
File: mqdefault jpg (13 KB, 320x180) O Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)11:42:37 No.847270142 >be me >play on 2b2t > get doxxed cause your minecraft name is your real name >sad

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Anon goes to the movies | /r/Greentext

File: 1534731206408 jpg (20 KB, 306x306) Anonymous 05/13/19(Mon)22:33:56 No.114721440 >>114721574 >>114721787 >>114721802 >>114721857 >>114722035 >>114722125 >>114722154 >>114723089 >>114723516 >>114724732 >walk into movie theater lobby >about to buy tickets to movie >ask cashier if the movie is reddit or not >she doesn't understand >explain the differences between 4chan and reddit culture >she still doesn't get it >pull the printed memes out of my wallet to show the difference >she laughs and says it's fine >watch movie >it's reddit
File: 1534731206408 jpg (20 KB, 306x306) Anonymous 05/13/19(Mon)22:33:56 No.114721440 >>114721574 >>114721787 >>114721802 >>114721857 >>114722035 >>114722125 >>114722154 >>114723089 >>114723516 >>114724732 >walk into movie theater lobby >about to buy tickets to movie >ask cashier if the movie is reddit or not >she doesn't understand >explain the differences between 4chan and reddit culture >she still doesn't get it >pull the printed memes out of my wallet to show the difference >she laughs and says it's fine >watch movie >it's reddit

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Anon is doin ya mom | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)21:46:23 No.62303153 >>62302958 # >Dude that was based. Do not regret that for a single moment. I was sad for a bit but after 2 days I just couldn't stop kekking at how retarded that interaction was. 98 KB PNG >>62302976 # green text it >working at high end restaurant as a busser >me and dish washer bro do this thing where he will yell from across the whole back area "HEY ANON II WHATCHA DOIN?!" >I respond by yelling out the doin ya mom song, this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3D5t5 3TCKIIMC [Open] >we do it for keks and because it makes the manager so salty that he starts calling us jackass's and such >on this day the girl I had mentioned before was going to ask me out for valentines day or so I had heard from her friends >though she was going to do it after the shift ended >we were really busy that day so everyone was talking and yelling in the back area >dishwasher bro is taking a piss >setting down dishes when I hear >"anon what are you doing for valentines day!" >thought is was him because to many voices to discern who said it so I start shouting the doin ya mom song >get half way through and turn around to see her standing there in awe and all red in the face >She sprints away >hear dish washer bro keking in the distances because he saw the whole thing >yeah im doin ya mom do do ya mom >>62304278 # >>62304315 # >>62304338 #
Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)21:46:23 No.62303153 >>62302958 # >Dude that was based. Do not regret that for a single moment. I was sad for a bit but after 2 days I just couldn't stop kekking at how retarded that interaction was. 98 KB PNG >>62302976 # green text it >working at high end restaurant as a busser >me and dish washer bro do this thing where he will yell from across the whole back area "HEY ANON II WHATCHA DOIN?!" >I respond by yelling out the doin ya mom song, this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3D5t5 3TCKIIMC [Open] >we do it for keks and because it makes the manager so salty that he starts calling us jackass's and such >on this day the girl I had mentioned before was going to ask me out for valentines day or so I had heard from her friends >though she was going to do it after the shift ended >we were really busy that day so everyone was talking and yelling in the back area >dishwasher bro is taking a piss >setting down dishes when I hear >"anon what are you doing for valentines day!" >thought is was him because to many voices to discern who said it so I start shouting the doin ya mom song >get half way through and turn around to see her standing there in awe and all red in the face >She sprints away >hear dish washer bro keking in the distances because he saw the whole thing >yeah im doin ya mom do do ya mom >>62304278 # >>62304315 # >>62304338 #

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Anon orders pizza | /r/Greentext

File: 1331445245 jpg-(11 KB, 299x169, okay with this.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: tjp9Qs4C) 03/11/12(Sun)00:54:05 No.386183315 NO WI WITH THIS. >Be 18 years old >Be a pizza guy >Deliver to house in bad neighborhood >Man answers door >600 pounds and naked >Eyes glazed, likely on drugs >Pays for pizza with Half dollar coins, all with dried glue on one side >Strong smell of s--- >He crapped on the floor while performing the transaction >Informed me he was "making room" >Opens pizza box >rubs slice over his naked chest >tips me $40 mfw Anonymous (ID: OfKY8mFk) 03/11/12(Sun)00:58:10 No.386184006 O If not for the fact that this is /b/, this would be incredibly what'. Nice tip. .wait, on drugs and 600 pounds.?! WHERE THE F--- DID HE GET THE MONEY ANON DEMANDS TO KNOW Anonymous (ID: WM8GIIRX) 03/11/12(Sun)01:07:07 No.386185528 O >be 40 years old >be slightly overweight >take metabolism pills >not my pills >whose f------ pills are they >Start to get really hot >remove all clothes >Remember that I have pizza coming >feel bad trip coming on >tape money to the table so I don't lose it >f---, terrible idea, scrape coins off >s--- gets weird >Door alarm rings >F------ dragon at my portcullis demanding coins >give him them while losing s--- out of fear >Take enchanted shield from inventory >rub it all over my body >use razor leaf on dragon >dragon flees >safe another day in the mushroom kingdom
File: 1331445245 jpg-(11 KB, 299x169, okay with this.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: tjp9Qs4C) 03/11/12(Sun)00:54:05 No.386183315 NO WI WITH THIS. >Be 18 years old >Be a pizza guy >Deliver to house in bad neighborhood >Man answers door >600 pounds and naked >Eyes glazed, likely on drugs >Pays for pizza with Half dollar coins, all with dried glue on one side >Strong smell of s--- >He crapped on the floor while performing the transaction >Informed me he was "making room" >Opens pizza box >rubs slice over his naked chest >tips me $40 mfw Anonymous (ID: OfKY8mFk) 03/11/12(Sun)00:58:10 No.386184006 O If not for the fact that this is /b/, this would be incredibly what'. Nice tip. .wait, on drugs and 600 pounds.?! WHERE THE F--- DID HE GET THE MONEY ANON DEMANDS TO KNOW Anonymous (ID: WM8GIIRX) 03/11/12(Sun)01:07:07 No.386185528 O >be 40 years old >be slightly overweight >take metabolism pills >not my pills >whose f------ pills are they >Start to get really hot >remove all clothes >Remember that I have pizza coming >feel bad trip coming on >tape money to the table so I don't lose it >f---, terrible idea, scrape coins off >s--- gets weird >Door alarm rings >F------ dragon at my portcullis demanding coins >give him them while losing s--- out of fear >Take enchanted shield from inventory >rub it all over my body >use razor leaf on dragon >dragon flees >safe another day in the mushroom kingdom

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Call me maybe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)19:05:21 No.62301356 >be 1.76 MB PNG racist/fascist/homophobic/transphobic etc >have a groyper Twitter account where I post race and IQ s--- and retweet far right meme videos >sonnenrads, swastikas, khazar milker memes everwhere >receive new notification >my f------ uncle followed me >how.jpeg >realize that since my phone number is attached to my twitter account they can find my twitter through my phone number >my uncle has now confirmed that it's me and has seen all of the s--- i post on there >100% sure he's going to tell the rest of the family
: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)19:05:21 No.62301356 >be 1.76 MB PNG racist/fascist/homophobic/transphobic etc >have a groyper Twitter account where I post race and IQ s--- and retweet far right meme videos >sonnenrads, swastikas, khazar milker memes everwhere >receive new notification >my f------ uncle followed me >how.jpeg >realize that since my phone number is attached to my twitter account they can find my twitter through my phone number >my uncle has now confirmed that it's me and has seen all of the s--- i post on there >100% sure he's going to tell the rest of the family

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Anon knows about sex | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)14:42:41 No.23579469 File: 1591640177814.jpg (37 KB, 599x536) >>23579387 >Why buy the cow when the milk is free? There's no such thing as a free lunch. Casual sex: > -Requires effort to get unless you're an actual bona-fide Chad. > -Is meaningless > Have to wear a rubber unless you want to catch something that rots your c--- off > -Good chance of being mediocre, especially with a rubber since its like eating a sandwich wrapped in cling film. >-Risk of getting a total stranger pregnant. > -Risk of false r--- allegations, stalking, property damage because the person you didn't know might be f------ nuts > -Cancel culture strongly endorses women who want to take a man down for sexual misconduct > -If you treat others as a casual partner then you treat yourself the same, you're worth more than that > -Encourages you to become dependent on female validation for your self esteem >- Opportunities will gradually dry up as you age > +Your fellow degenerate friends think you're cool or something Relationship sex: > +Easy to get after actually getting into a relationship > +Meaningful > +Intimate > +Better because you know and care about each other > +Helps maintain the relationship and resolve conflict > +Can create new life in a stable loving environment > +Can start a family and be surrounded by people you love for the rest of your life The reason that virtues are virtues and sins are sins is because sins don't work in the long run and virtues do.
O Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)14:42:41 No.23579469 File: 1591640177814.jpg (37 KB, 599x536) >>23579387 >Why buy the cow when the milk is free? There's no such thing as a free lunch. Casual sex: > -Requires effort to get unless you're an actual bona-fide Chad. > -Is meaningless > Have to wear a rubber unless you want to catch something that rots your c--- off > -Good chance of being mediocre, especially with a rubber since its like eating a sandwich wrapped in cling film. >-Risk of getting a total stranger pregnant. > -Risk of false r--- allegations, stalking, property damage because the person you didn't know might be f------ nuts > -Cancel culture strongly endorses women who want to take a man down for sexual misconduct > -If you treat others as a casual partner then you treat yourself the same, you're worth more than that > -Encourages you to become dependent on female validation for your self esteem >- Opportunities will gradually dry up as you age > +Your fellow degenerate friends think you're cool or something Relationship sex: > +Easy to get after actually getting into a relationship > +Meaningful > +Intimate > +Better because you know and care about each other > +Helps maintain the relationship and resolve conflict > +Can create new life in a stable loving environment > +Can start a family and be surrounded by people you love for the rest of your life The reason that virtues are virtues and sins are sins is because sins don't work in the long run and virtues do.

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They are coming for you anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)19:36:07 No.62297002 JUST Sam Hyde 2.jpg 69 KB JPG >Chief, we got the forensics department to do a full sweep of anything we could find on the suspect. >The thing is... There's hardly anything out there. >No driver's license, no car registration, no known jobs or work experience, he's not going to any universities or colleges. The guy doesn't even have a Facebook. >We've got a professional our hands here, boys...
: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)19:36:07 No.62297002 JUST Sam Hyde 2.jpg 69 KB JPG >Chief, we got the forensics department to do a full sweep of anything we could find on the suspect. >The thing is... There's hardly anything out there. >No driver's license, no car registration, no known jobs or work experience, he's not going to any universities or colleges. The guy doesn't even have a Facebook. >We've got a professional our hands here, boys...

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Anon's akward Halloween. | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 05/16/20(Sat)20:27:22 No.45072332 ► >>45072613 >>45077043 >Halloween 2019 >invite friends over >several friends, are coming >i'm a nice guy so i allow it >realize all of them are shitlibs >we're talking Starbucks Marxist Young Turks fans >three days before halloween buddy calls >we regularly make Nazi jokes and speak broken, angry German at eachother >l jokingly tell him to dress for the party as an SS officer >dude's 6'3", semi-built, blonde, blue eyes >he says he'll think about it >fas forward to Halloween >he's late >call him >"Hey bro, where you at?" >"Parden mein tardiness mein furher" >"Bro. You did it?" >"Da." >I see headlights outside >he drove his wife's Volkswagon. >little red slug-bug pulls up >Shitlibs have no idea >I realize what might happen >buddy steps out of his car >lights a f------ c-- attached to one of those weird sticks >i open the door so nobody hears him >steps in my living room in front of ~15 people >"VER IZ ZE JUDEN?" >he sees our buddy Zach >Zach is cool. He gets up and runs >SSbro catches him >wrestles him out the front door >drags him to his slug bug >girl with blue hair is on her phone >all my friends who get the joke are having THE BEST time >i'm praying she didn't call the police She called the police. >SSbro peels out >was actually taking Zach on a beer run >too embarassed to actually go into a store by himself >they get pulled over on the highway >apparently SSbro rolled down the window >told the officer "Oh thank god, will you get this guy the chamber for me?" >cop did not laugh.
I Anonymous 05/16/20(Sat)20:27:22 No.45072332 ► >>45072613 >>45077043 >Halloween 2019 >invite friends over >several friends, are coming >i'm a nice guy so i allow it >realize all of them are shitlibs >we're talking Starbucks Marxist Young Turks fans >three days before halloween buddy calls >we regularly make Nazi jokes and speak broken, angry German at eachother >l jokingly tell him to dress for the party as an SS officer >dude's 6'3", semi-built, blonde, blue eyes >he says he'll think about it >fas forward to Halloween >he's late >call him >"Hey bro, where you at?" >"Parden mein tardiness mein furher" >"Bro. You did it?" >"Da." >I see headlights outside >he drove his wife's Volkswagon. >little red slug-bug pulls up >Shitlibs have no idea >I realize what might happen >buddy steps out of his car >lights a f------ c-- attached to one of those weird sticks >i open the door so nobody hears him >steps in my living room in front of ~15 people >"VER IZ ZE JUDEN?" >he sees our buddy Zach >Zach is cool. He gets up and runs >SSbro catches him >wrestles him out the front door >drags him to his slug bug >girl with blue hair is on her phone >all my friends who get the joke are having THE BEST time >i'm praying she didn't call the police She called the police. >SSbro peels out >was actually taking Zach on a beer run >too embarassed to actually go into a store by himself >they get pulled over on the highway >apparently SSbro rolled down the window >told the officer "Oh thank god, will you get this guy the chamber for me?" >cop did not laugh.

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Anon uses his mom's dildo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)01:38:06 No.784696530 >be dumb kid >sister is chasing me and being annoying >I hide behind bed in my parents room >BIG BLACK F------ DILDO W-- >dumb kid so don't know what it is >just know it's big and heavy and I can hit my sister with it >she comes it room >l jump out from behind bed, holding my newfound weapon with both hands >swing like the force of an angry god >strike sister in face hard with big black balls right in her dumb face >sister runs out crying with bloody nose >tells my mom >mom embarrassed as all hell >dad can not stop laughing >mom only tells me that's not a toy and don't touch it >dad is in f------ tears laughing so hard >don't even get in trouble for clocking my sister in the face >I stand the victor Don't know how I feel about knowing I've touched something my mom had in her vagina. But by that logic, I touch myself all the time, so whatever.
: Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)01:38:06 No.784696530 >be dumb kid >sister is chasing me and being annoying >I hide behind bed in my parents room >BIG BLACK F------ DILDO W-- >dumb kid so don't know what it is >just know it's big and heavy and I can hit my sister with it >she comes it room >l jump out from behind bed, holding my newfound weapon with both hands >swing like the force of an angry god >strike sister in face hard with big black balls right in her dumb face >sister runs out crying with bloody nose >tells my mom >mom embarrassed as all hell >dad can not stop laughing >mom only tells me that's not a toy and don't touch it >dad is in f------ tears laughing so hard >don't even get in trouble for clocking my sister in the face >I stand the victor Don't know how I feel about knowing I've touched something my mom had in her vagina. But by that logic, I touch myself all the time, so whatever.

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