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anon goes to sleep | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)00:40:18 No.848157265 >be me >at home about to go sleep >dad tells me has to drill a small hole in my wall so he can put a wire through it >"ok" 39 >he drills the hole and puts a wire through it 202 KB PNG >l put a sock in it to patch up because there was some air coming through >go to sleep >wake up next morning >sock is gone >can't find it Who the f--- stole my sock
: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)00:40:18 No.848157265 >be me >at home about to go sleep >dad tells me has to drill a small hole in my wall so he can put a wire through it >"ok" 39 >he drills the hole and puts a wire through it 202 KB PNG >l put a sock in it to patch up because there was some air coming through >go to sleep >wake up next morning >sock is gone >can't find it Who the f--- stole my sock

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It worsens and worsens, anons | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:43:34 No.848099689 random amongus Spoonful sus amongus normie Red ironic among us *fartsoundeffect* Polish_20210221_155410237.jpg 89 KB JPG >go to the internet >day ruined 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:44:50 No.848099754 >>848099689 (OP)_# >wake up >day ruined 21sthumor shitpost status
: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:43:34 No.848099689 random amongus Spoonful sus amongus normie Red ironic among us *fartsoundeffect* Polish_20210221_155410237.jpg 89 KB JPG >go to the internet >day ruined 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:44:50 No.848099754 >>848099689 (OP)_# >wake up >day ruined 21sthumor shitpost status

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Anon is muslim | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: hiurwey6 11/26/20(Thu)20:02:58 No.293246751 Russian Muslim is here (Chechen) I just want to warn you that no one dares to scold the Prophet Muhammad, and what the stinking rat Macron is doing now is he is digging his own grave. 1.72 MB PNG Don't joke with us, don't scare our feelings, our faith, and then your heads will be on your bodies. Makron is making a big mistake by starting a war with Muslims, the case can turn into a sea of blood. Think about it, remove the macron and do not touch the Muslims. : Anonymous (ID: kwiWbPLP 11/26/20(Thu)20:03:47 No.293246902 >>293246751 (OP) # Mohamed sucked black penis >>293247519 # >>293250527 #
: Anonymous (ID: hiurwey6 11/26/20(Thu)20:02:58 No.293246751 Russian Muslim is here (Chechen) I just want to warn you that no one dares to scold the Prophet Muhammad, and what the stinking rat Macron is doing now is he is digging his own grave. 1.72 MB PNG Don't joke with us, don't scare our feelings, our faith, and then your heads will be on your bodies. Makron is making a big mistake by starting a war with Muslims, the case can turn into a sea of blood. Think about it, remove the macron and do not touch the Muslims. : Anonymous (ID: kwiWbPLP 11/26/20(Thu)20:03:47 No.293246902 >>293246751 (OP) # Mohamed sucked black penis >>293247519 # >>293250527 #

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Anon finds his parent's stash | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)15:06:31 No.62465515 >be me Bruh zone >be 10 minutes ago >I live with my parents >home alone cleaning up my dads s--- Bruh Bruh >hunting s--- is scattered around living room 55 KB JPG >find box of 12 gauge shotgun shells >go to gun safe in garage to put it away >open safe >put shells on shelf >notice a brown unmarked box, one of the harder boxes with padding inside that hold fragile objects >think its a new scope my dad got for his rifle >l open it >inside is an assortment of dildos and vibrators >there is a bag on the shelf below it >even more sex toys in there >mfw
: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)15:06:31 No.62465515 >be me Bruh zone >be 10 minutes ago >I live with my parents >home alone cleaning up my dads s--- Bruh Bruh >hunting s--- is scattered around living room 55 KB JPG >find box of 12 gauge shotgun shells >go to gun safe in garage to put it away >open safe >put shells on shelf >notice a brown unmarked box, one of the harder boxes with padding inside that hold fragile objects >think its a new scope my dad got for his rifle >l open it >inside is an assortment of dildos and vibrators >there is a bag on the shelf below it >even more sex toys in there >mfw

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Day ruined | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 72381994 2 hours ago >go outside >see a brown person >day ruined JPG 18.3 kB
Anonymous | 72381994 2 hours ago >go outside >see a brown person >day ruined JPG 18.3 kB

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anon feels the regret | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)21:09:34 No.59995808 >Girl I had been crushing on started dating some other guy a couple months ago >Didn't really bother me all that much >Her and I had been, and are still friends >Sends me her usual goodnight snapchat >Click on her snapchat story >Her boyfriend is lying in her bed 8 KB PNG >"2 months with this dork <3" >Suddenly f------ crushed even though it never bothered me before now >Just message her "night" instead of snapping her back. I don't know why I'm suddenly crushed by this, I don't even wanna continue my progress at the gym if this s--- is just gonna keep happening. I know they're f------ right now and I feel like my insides have just all been pulled out through my mouth. How do I make the pain go away /fit/? Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)21:10:33 No.59995818 You never even made your feelings known to her, did you?
Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)21:09:34 No.59995808 >Girl I had been crushing on started dating some other guy a couple months ago >Didn't really bother me all that much >Her and I had been, and are still friends >Sends me her usual goodnight snapchat >Click on her snapchat story >Her boyfriend is lying in her bed 8 KB PNG >"2 months with this dork <3" >Suddenly f------ crushed even though it never bothered me before now >Just message her "night" instead of snapping her back. I don't know why I'm suddenly crushed by this, I don't even wanna continue my progress at the gym if this s--- is just gonna keep happening. I know they're f------ right now and I feel like my insides have just all been pulled out through my mouth. How do I make the pain go away /fit/? Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)21:10:33 No.59995818 You never even made your feelings known to her, did you?

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Anon is a trucker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)00:31:03 No.62457018 DAD, WHAT'S A WEEKEND? >Be me >Truck driver, 300 pounds, big grey beard containing half a pound of chewing tobacco >At a truck-stop at night, and I'm too lazy to walk to the bathroom, so I piss into a I DON'T KNOW SON, WE'RE TRUCKERSS. 49 KB JPG water bottle >When it's filled to the brim with dark yellow piss, I throw it out the window and get ready to leave >l hear a noise directly outside the truck >I freeze, and listen *Glug, glug, glug* >The empty water bottle flies back through the window >I s--- in my truckin' pants
: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)00:31:03 No.62457018 DAD, WHAT'S A WEEKEND? >Be me >Truck driver, 300 pounds, big grey beard containing half a pound of chewing tobacco >At a truck-stop at night, and I'm too lazy to walk to the bathroom, so I piss into a I DON'T KNOW SON, WE'RE TRUCKERSS. 49 KB JPG water bottle >When it's filled to the brim with dark yellow piss, I throw it out the window and get ready to leave >l hear a noise directly outside the truck >I freeze, and listen *Glug, glug, glug* >The empty water bottle flies back through the window >I s--- in my truckin' pants

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Anon slaps a girls ass | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)16:10:15 No.848015685 >>848014947 # Oh man that reminds me of my last day in 6th grade >be me 565 KB PNG >last day of 6th grade >be chilling in 5th period >guy I hang out with dares me to slap the ass of obese girl on the way out >think that's a great idea >being the dumbass that I am forget that fact that we are in a portable, with the exits facing other portables >class ends >l make sure to get behind her as we exit >I slap her ass, jump over the railing, and naruto ran to 6th period >ffw to 6th period >chilling, completely forgot about it at this point >"Anon, you have a call from the office" >confusion.jpg >mfw there were like 30 people and a teacher who saw me slap an obese girl's ass >mfw suspended on the last day of school >mfw grounded for entire summer break
: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)16:10:15 No.848015685 >>848014947 # Oh man that reminds me of my last day in 6th grade >be me 565 KB PNG >last day of 6th grade >be chilling in 5th period >guy I hang out with dares me to slap the ass of obese girl on the way out >think that's a great idea >being the dumbass that I am forget that fact that we are in a portable, with the exits facing other portables >class ends >l make sure to get behind her as we exit >I slap her ass, jump over the railing, and naruto ran to 6th period >ffw to 6th period >chilling, completely forgot about it at this point >"Anon, you have a call from the office" >confusion.jpg >mfw there were like 30 people and a teacher who saw me slap an obese girl's ass >mfw suspended on the last day of school >mfw grounded for entire summer break

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Why yes, I am a Millenial. How could you tell? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ ) 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #
: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ ) 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #

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Anon has a sweatshirt | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)00:41:24 No.848133698 >be me, about to graduate college 4 years out of hs >still wear my hs football sweatshirt >its the comfiest sweatshirt I've ever worn and have yet to find its equal 19 KB PNG >mom and brother yell at me for it "Anon, its time to move on" "you look like you're living in the past" "you are supposed to be a grown up now" >graduate, get a job immediately in my engineering field >move out, bring my sweatshirt with me, much to their dismay >mfw I still wear this dumb thing every chance I get, whether going out or staying in >mfw I don't care bc l'm an adult with a job and have more important to concern myself with
: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)00:41:24 No.848133698 >be me, about to graduate college 4 years out of hs >still wear my hs football sweatshirt >its the comfiest sweatshirt I've ever worn and have yet to find its equal 19 KB PNG >mom and brother yell at me for it "Anon, its time to move on" "you look like you're living in the past" "you are supposed to be a grown up now" >graduate, get a job immediately in my engineering field >move out, bring my sweatshirt with me, much to their dismay >mfw I still wear this dumb thing every chance I get, whether going out or staying in >mfw I don't care bc l'm an adult with a job and have more important to concern myself with

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Anon likes oreos | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/19(Mon)19:45:00 No.795302635 > be me > bad mood 'cause have to study > mom bought me oreos because she knows I like them thanks mom 18 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 03/18/19(Mon)19:45:00 No.795302635 > be me > bad mood 'cause have to study > mom bought me oreos because she knows I like them thanks mom 18 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon haves autistic son | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)09:53:42 No.46331112 >be dad to 7yo son >find out he's possible in the spectrum >smart >awful in social situations >no coordination when partaking in physical activities >loves roblox and minecraft 38 KB PNG >yesterday he was running around the house singing something >watcha doin son? >im sanic, i gotta go fast dad please look after him when he eventually finds you guys
: Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)09:53:42 No.46331112 >be dad to 7yo son >find out he's possible in the spectrum >smart >awful in social situations >no coordination when partaking in physical activities >loves roblox and minecraft 38 KB PNG >yesterday he was running around the house singing something >watcha doin son? >im sanic, i gotta go fast dad please look after him when he eventually finds you guys

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Anon is a fish ><> | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)14:37:12 No.848124746 >be me >fish 26 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)14:38:48 No.848124843 here ya go bud keep on rocking TetraMin 68 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)14:39:52 No.848124908 >>848124746 (OP) # good thread : Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)14:42:19 No.848125078 Agreed
: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)14:37:12 No.848124746 >be me >fish 26 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)14:38:48 No.848124843 here ya go bud keep on rocking TetraMin 68 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)14:39:52 No.848124908 >>848124746 (OP) # good thread : Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)14:42:19 No.848125078 Agreed

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welcome home you gay bitch | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 774692608 25 min. ago > 10 years agoI was afraid to post here thinking you guys are all hackers and badass >now I realize you are all a bunch of f------ 5.6 kB JPG 3 REPLIES 4 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous 774692704 24 min. ago >>774692608 (OP) >welcome home you gay bitch 1 REPLY
Anonymous | 774692608 25 min. ago > 10 years agoI was afraid to post here thinking you guys are all hackers and badass >now I realize you are all a bunch of f------ 5.6 kB JPG 3 REPLIES 4 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous 774692704 24 min. ago >>774692608 (OP) >welcome home you gay bitch 1 REPLY

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Anon hustles | /r/Greentext

No.772995598 06/30/18(Sat)05:29:45 R14kkDj.jpg JPG 35.1 KiB 657x527 >be me >be in 5th grade >class is planning field trip, need money >everyone needs to bring 20 dollars >go home, ask mom for 30 dollars so I can have 10 dollars extra for myself >mom doesn't believe me, goes to friend's house who lives on the same street >ohshit.gif >comes back angry, saying I need to pay more attention in class meetings >tfw I found out my friend told his parents that he needed 50 dollars
No.772995598 06/30/18(Sat)05:29:45 R14kkDj.jpg JPG 35.1 KiB 657x527 >be me >be in 5th grade >class is planning field trip, need money >everyone needs to bring 20 dollars >go home, ask mom for 30 dollars so I can have 10 dollars extra for myself >mom doesn't believe me, goes to friend's house who lives on the same street >ohshit.gif >comes back angry, saying I need to pay more attention in class meetings >tfw I found out my friend told his parents that he needed 50 dollars

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Destroy the child | /r/Greentext

>be me, playing WoW >play on asian servers because NA servers are too easy >2 Chinese players bully me >type "June 4th 1989, Tian an Men Square Massacre" 22 KB JPG >Both disconnect >mfw I just sent two inncoent children to a Chinese Labor Camp and got their whole family executed
>be me, playing WoW >play on asian servers because NA servers are too easy >2 Chinese players bully me >type "June 4th 1989, Tian an Men Square Massacre" 22 KB JPG >Both disconnect >mfw I just sent two inncoent children to a Chinese Labor Camp and got their whole family executed

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Anon has his period | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous autism stories 07/10/16(Sun)16:55:42 No.29860159 >be me in high school >standard autist with few friends and zero experience with grills >some how this one girl finds me cute and goes out of her way to talk to me 412 KB JPG >invite her to come over >realize i should probably shave because who knows what could happen >have never shaved there before >cut d--- in multiple places, wipe off blood and just forget about it >later shes at my house and we are on the couch >things are going well we start making out >she grabs my d--- and starts stroking >pulls her hand away suddenly and its covered in blood >anon what is this!!? >only thing i can think of "haha i guess guys can have periods too" last time i saw her
: Anonymous autism stories 07/10/16(Sun)16:55:42 No.29860159 >be me in high school >standard autist with few friends and zero experience with grills >some how this one girl finds me cute and goes out of her way to talk to me 412 KB JPG >invite her to come over >realize i should probably shave because who knows what could happen >have never shaved there before >cut d--- in multiple places, wipe off blood and just forget about it >later shes at my house and we are on the couch >things are going well we start making out >she grabs my d--- and starts stroking >pulls her hand away suddenly and its covered in blood >anon what is this!!? >only thing i can think of "haha i guess guys can have periods too" last time i saw her

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Anon had a brother | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)00:47:48 No.848096838 >be me >have little brother >brother has 18 y/o highschool friend (bro is 12, middle and high school are same building >bro wants to try cigarettes out of curiosty 38 KB JPG >bros friends buys some for him and gives him the pack in exchange for pokemon cards >bro takes cigarettes home and is about to smoke one when mom barges in >mom tells dad, both are furious (they are strict antidrug >for punishment, they force him to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes everyday for an entire month >ffw a year, bro is coughing up blood >keeps asking parents to go to hospital but they refuse for like 3 months >once they finally go, it is discovered my bro has cancer >he dies two years later, on Christmas >because of sketchy indian company life insurance, my parents get over $500,000 >gave him a cheap, school funded funeral >spend most of the money on Disneyland "in his memory" : Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)00:49:37 No.848096930 >>848096838 (OP) # At least that kid made some money. You should be more like your brother.
: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)00:47:48 No.848096838 >be me >have little brother >brother has 18 y/o highschool friend (bro is 12, middle and high school are same building >bro wants to try cigarettes out of curiosty 38 KB JPG >bros friends buys some for him and gives him the pack in exchange for pokemon cards >bro takes cigarettes home and is about to smoke one when mom barges in >mom tells dad, both are furious (they are strict antidrug >for punishment, they force him to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes everyday for an entire month >ffw a year, bro is coughing up blood >keeps asking parents to go to hospital but they refuse for like 3 months >once they finally go, it is discovered my bro has cancer >he dies two years later, on Christmas >because of sketchy indian company life insurance, my parents get over $500,000 >gave him a cheap, school funded funeral >spend most of the money on Disneyland "in his memory" : Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)00:49:37 No.848096930 >>848096838 (OP) # At least that kid made some money. You should be more like your brother.

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Anon will need a place to stay | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)18:59:50 No.20528888 >have sex with step-sister >step-dad finds out >throws a tantrum and says he will kick me out of the house >tell him it's okay since we are not blood related >he says it's not okay since she is 15 and has down syndrome >tfw gonna be homeless soon
Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)18:59:50 No.20528888 >have sex with step-sister >step-dad finds out >throws a tantrum and says he will kick me out of the house >tell him it's okay since we are not blood related >he says it's not okay since she is 15 and has down syndrome >tfw gonna be homeless soon

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Anon harassed a girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)06:13:13 No.848090205 >be me with some friends going to the bar >see random girl in the back of the HARVARI bar with Harvard shirt on .. confusedface.jpg 824 KB JPG >go over to ask her if she went to harvard >she says no and looks all confused >go back to my seat wondering why the f--- someone would wear that if they never went to f------ harvard >three dudes surround my seat 10 minutes later calling me a p---- and asking me why I harassed her. drunk as f--- obviously. >their girl friends screaming at me that I have a tiny penis and s---. thefuck.jpg >bartender breaks it up and asks me what happened >bartended kicks all of them out >they go screaming at me to meet them outside and again with the tiny penis insults... why do people even go to the bar if this s--- happens? I get it, I didn't mind my own business but I really wanted to know why the f--- random slut has a Harvard shirt on in Northern Ohio. Is this a normie reaction? Why the violence? I've seen it erupt at bars normally and I tend to mind my own business. 94 Replies / 11 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)06:13:13 No.848090205 >be me with some friends going to the bar >see random girl in the back of the HARVARI bar with Harvard shirt on .. confusedface.jpg 824 KB JPG >go over to ask her if she went to harvard >she says no and looks all confused >go back to my seat wondering why the f--- someone would wear that if they never went to f------ harvard >three dudes surround my seat 10 minutes later calling me a p---- and asking me why I harassed her. drunk as f--- obviously. >their girl friends screaming at me that I have a tiny penis and s---. thefuck.jpg >bartender breaks it up and asks me what happened >bartended kicks all of them out >they go screaming at me to meet them outside and again with the tiny penis insults... why do people even go to the bar if this s--- happens? I get it, I didn't mind my own business but I really wanted to know why the f--- random slut has a Harvard shirt on in Northern Ohio. Is this a normie reaction? Why the violence? I've seen it erupt at bars normally and I tend to mind my own business. 94 Replies / 11 Images View Thread

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