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Anon destroys a tiktocker. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)08:54:34 No.62246885 >be blackbot >regularly browse tiktok for qts >find qt black weeb girl >see thread calling black girls ugly on /r9k/ >convert one of her videos to webm and 110 KB WEBM use it to respond >see webm reposted a few days later >go to view one of her tiktok videos today >deleted >"maybe she redid the video" >go to her account >not found >"maybe she changed her name" >search her username on google >links to twitter >multiple black cosplay girls complaining that she was run off of tiktok by racists >conveniently happens shortly after I posted her in a thread full of racists This is my fault, isn't it? : Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)08:57:43 No.62246912 >>62246885 (OP) # She looked like an asian girl cosplaying as sailormoon but with perfect blackface - it was pretty f------ funny. I'm not sure if it would have gotten traction without you. Probably not. >>62247031 # : Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)09:04:22 No.62246970 >>62246885 (OP) # So let me get this straight. You posted a girls social media on here and when she got harrased you are wondering if it's your fault? Yeah you f----- up.
: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)08:54:34 No.62246885 >be blackbot >regularly browse tiktok for qts >find qt black weeb girl >see thread calling black girls ugly on /r9k/ >convert one of her videos to webm and 110 KB WEBM use it to respond >see webm reposted a few days later >go to view one of her tiktok videos today >deleted >"maybe she redid the video" >go to her account >not found >"maybe she changed her name" >search her username on google >links to twitter >multiple black cosplay girls complaining that she was run off of tiktok by racists >conveniently happens shortly after I posted her in a thread full of racists This is my fault, isn't it? : Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)08:57:43 No.62246912 >>62246885 (OP) # She looked like an asian girl cosplaying as sailormoon but with perfect blackface - it was pretty f------ funny. I'm not sure if it would have gotten traction without you. Probably not. >>62247031 # : Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)09:04:22 No.62246970 >>62246885 (OP) # So let me get this straight. You posted a girls social media on here and when she got harrased you are wondering if it's your fault? Yeah you f----- up.

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Anon is fat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)01:29:11 No.47665686 074e7c5b-329e-49d7-b555-91929a374b37.jpg 57 KB JPG >be me >Watching Netflix health documentary >"haha fat people" >They're filming fatties in the street >"hey, I have that shirt" >"hey, I have those cargo shorts" >"hey, I know that building" %3D >mfw 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)01:31:06 No.47665705 so dont be fat you fat idiot
: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)01:29:11 No.47665686 074e7c5b-329e-49d7-b555-91929a374b37.jpg 57 KB JPG >be me >Watching Netflix health documentary >"haha fat people" >They're filming fatties in the street >"hey, I have that shirt" >"hey, I have those cargo shorts" >"hey, I know that building" %3D >mfw 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)01:31:06 No.47665705 so dont be fat you fat idiot

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anon suffers in the kitchen | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)08:17:14 No.15558033 File: 1583514093328.jpg (60 KB, 1024x1024) >mfw my housemate does s--- like chop all of her ingredients on a plate because she doesn't like cleaning the cutting board >knives are dull as s--- and won't let me sharpen them because she's scared of using sharp knives >I have one chefs knife I keep razor sharp and she refuses to touch it >regularly puts water on to boil and walks away until the water is all boiled off and has to try again >every nonstick pan in the house is ruined by metal implements >leaves meat out for 24+h sometimes to thaw, just lets it sit around at room temp for hours >got mad at me for having "too many blenders" >she was including my food processor and stand mixer in the list of "blenders" >one of her favorite dishes is potato "soup" which is just potato pieces boiled in milk I wish I was f------ kidding.
Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)08:17:14 No.15558033 File: 1583514093328.jpg (60 KB, 1024x1024) >mfw my housemate does s--- like chop all of her ingredients on a plate because she doesn't like cleaning the cutting board >knives are dull as s--- and won't let me sharpen them because she's scared of using sharp knives >I have one chefs knife I keep razor sharp and she refuses to touch it >regularly puts water on to boil and walks away until the water is all boiled off and has to try again >every nonstick pan in the house is ruined by metal implements >leaves meat out for 24+h sometimes to thaw, just lets it sit around at room temp for hours >got mad at me for having "too many blenders" >she was including my food processor and stand mixer in the list of "blenders" >one of her favorite dishes is potato "soup" which is just potato pieces boiled in milk I wish I was f------ kidding.

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Anon has a question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/10/21(Sun)04:14:18 No.539902185 In 165 million years of dinosaurs, how many small creatures do you reckon were killed by dino c--? I mean we must be talking barrels of c--. There must have been a few drownings. 628 KB JPG >>539907048 # >>539922509 # >>539924249 # >>539928113 # >>539933161 #
: Anonymous 01/10/21(Sun)04:14:18 No.539902185 In 165 million years of dinosaurs, how many small creatures do you reckon were killed by dino c--? I mean we must be talking barrels of c--. There must have been a few drownings. 628 KB JPG >>539907048 # >>539922509 # >>539924249 # >>539928113 # >>539933161 #

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Save yourself | /r/Greentext

File: 3AB7FDBE-DCBE-47A9-87B0-8B32D93D76D3.jpg (41 KB, 594x396) O Itvl Anto Chigurh taught me how to work in retail Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)05:55:09 No.146315460 [Reply] This is my first greentext so my bad if i f--- up but here i go >be me >six months with no job and stuck in the house because of pandemic >finally get hired at retail store >first retail job >because of isolation i've become socially inept and get easily nervous >i even have a f------ stutter and i talk at a low volume. >lack of physical activity and masks dont help >terrible first week. nervous wreck and all over the place. >first day off >decide to rewatch no country for old men > get to the gas station scene > the first time i find it admirable how anton dominates the conversation even though he's obviously crazy >Go to work next day >Get first difficult customer >After a little back and forth i remembered anton >what would Anton do? > i lock eyes and raise my voice > even mimic how he talks > let the customer complain on and ramble > when its my turn to speak i just say something about company policy and repeat the same thing >i kept a straight face the entire time and didnt break eye contact >eventually the customer started to get tired and left >for the rest of the day i just think what would anton do. >decide to do this for the rest of the week and even call someone "Friend-o" at least once >also decided to join a gym and get a posture corrector >just want to be like anton >been two months now and i look better and stand straight >More confident because of anton >lm naturally able to act like anton >i even started drinking milk >most coworkers think im weird but theres one weird chick that seems into me >all because of anton >thank you anton
File: 3AB7FDBE-DCBE-47A9-87B0-8B32D93D76D3.jpg (41 KB, 594x396) O Itvl Anto Chigurh taught me how to work in retail Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)05:55:09 No.146315460 [Reply] This is my first greentext so my bad if i f--- up but here i go >be me >six months with no job and stuck in the house because of pandemic >finally get hired at retail store >first retail job >because of isolation i've become socially inept and get easily nervous >i even have a f------ stutter and i talk at a low volume. >lack of physical activity and masks dont help >terrible first week. nervous wreck and all over the place. >first day off >decide to rewatch no country for old men > get to the gas station scene > the first time i find it admirable how anton dominates the conversation even though he's obviously crazy >Go to work next day >Get first difficult customer >After a little back and forth i remembered anton >what would Anton do? > i lock eyes and raise my voice > even mimic how he talks > let the customer complain on and ramble > when its my turn to speak i just say something about company policy and repeat the same thing >i kept a straight face the entire time and didnt break eye contact >eventually the customer started to get tired and left >for the rest of the day i just think what would anton do. >decide to do this for the rest of the week and even call someone "Friend-o" at least once >also decided to join a gym and get a posture corrector >just want to be like anton >been two months now and i look better and stand straight >More confident because of anton >lm naturally able to act like anton >i even started drinking milk >most coworkers think im weird but theres one weird chick that seems into me >all because of anton >thank you anton

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Anon is hungry | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)15:31:01 No.847035078 >be me >want to eat fast food >cant because I live home because covid and mom doesn't want me to get fat >normally drive to a joint and eat it there >cant do that either because there's snow 414 KB PNG and my car doesn't have winter tires Mfw I haven't eaten kebab for 2 weeks
: Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)15:31:01 No.847035078 >be me >want to eat fast food >cant because I live home because covid and mom doesn't want me to get fat >normally drive to a joint and eat it there >cant do that either because there's snow 414 KB PNG and my car doesn't have winter tires Mfw I haven't eaten kebab for 2 weeks

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ITT: Feels | /r/Greentext

File: 1347727209020.png-(39 KB, 645x773, fnN4E.png) a8 O Anonymous (ID: yik05Qg1) 09/15/12(Sat)12:40:09 No.425305916 Replies: >>42530663 ITT: Feels >Be 20 >2 days before birthday >Decide to ask my best friend (girl of my dreams) out for my birthday >She says yes >Go to pick her up >doesn't answer >call, bang on door, still no answer >get p----- and leave >get call from other friend >she's crying her eyes out, can't understand her babbling >finally calms down >informs me that she was driving my best friend back to her house so we could go on date >they crashed and now my best friend is going to die >go to hospital to see her >go into room >she's mangled and on life support >start crying >other friend informs me that her last words were, "I think I love Anon." >can't stop crying Anonymous (ID: yik05Qg1) 09/15/12(Sat)12:44:29 No.425306391 File: 1347727469628.jpg-(86 KB, 451x633, 30TPQ.jpg) OP bumping for more feels >> Anonymous (ID: f1sU/FUN) 09/15/12(Sat)12:45:33 No.425306503 I don't know this feel. But I know THIS feel.
File: 1347727209020.png-(39 KB, 645x773, fnN4E.png) a8 O Anonymous (ID: yik05Qg1) 09/15/12(Sat)12:40:09 No.425305916 Replies: >>42530663 ITT: Feels >Be 20 >2 days before birthday >Decide to ask my best friend (girl of my dreams) out for my birthday >She says yes >Go to pick her up >doesn't answer >call, bang on door, still no answer >get p----- and leave >get call from other friend >she's crying her eyes out, can't understand her babbling >finally calms down >informs me that she was driving my best friend back to her house so we could go on date >they crashed and now my best friend is going to die >go to hospital to see her >go into room >she's mangled and on life support >start crying >other friend informs me that her last words were, "I think I love Anon." >can't stop crying Anonymous (ID: yik05Qg1) 09/15/12(Sat)12:44:29 No.425306391 File: 1347727469628.jpg-(86 KB, 451x633, 30TPQ.jpg) OP bumping for more feels >> Anonymous (ID: f1sU/FUN) 09/15/12(Sat)12:45:33 No.425306503 I don't know this feel. But I know THIS feel.

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Anon has a dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/18(Fri)11:24:26 No.767048355 Had a weird dream last night >In a gym bathroom >Brushing my teeth for whatever reason >finish up, spit water out >Run tongue over teeth 45 KB JPG >Violent loud sound >Like a thousand balloons rubbing together >Everyone stops and looks at me >Nervously try to play it off >Casually say "Squeaky clean boys." >Walk out of gym bathroom >Wake up
: Anonymous 04/27/18(Fri)11:24:26 No.767048355 Had a weird dream last night >In a gym bathroom >Brushing my teeth for whatever reason >finish up, spit water out >Run tongue over teeth 45 KB JPG >Violent loud sound >Like a thousand balloons rubbing together >Everyone stops and looks at me >Nervously try to play it off >Casually say "Squeaky clean boys." >Walk out of gym bathroom >Wake up

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anon does blackmail | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/13/19(Wed)12:31:38 No.792530606 [Reply] »792531307 >Be me >20 year old stoner with nerdy teen gf. >My best friend is a Chad with a hot ginger gf. >We're absolute besties. >Fixing up a classic van together >One day I bring some weed for him and he's all shook up. >Says it's about my gf. >Says she approached him and his gf for a threesome. >He did it and he's super sorry. >YouSonOfABitch.jpg >Decide to confront my gf >She admits it and literally BEGS on her knees for forgiveness. >ldea.gif >I tell her if she will get knotted by my Great Dane on video l'll take her back. >It will be the ultimate insurance policy to ensure she never betrays me again. >We film it in Chad's van. >She nervously pulls down her pants & assumes the position. >Dog licks her and she twitches. >He mounts her and out comes the lipstick. >She gasps as it goes in >I taunt her as he f---- her. >"Like, Who's d--- is bigger, Chad or the dog?" > "Moan" "The dog" "snort" >"Who's bitch are you? Chad or the dog?" >"Gasp" "The dog "Glasses fall off her face" >The dog starts pumping c-- into her c--- as she whimpers. >They're both stuck there for a bit because he can't pull out due to the knot. >l tell her, "If you ever betray me, every bf, employer, or friend you know gets a copy." >"Catching breath" o-okay "Dog pulls out & c-- pours out of her p---- into the van's carpeting." >Next weekend Chad suggests a road trip. >We both bring our gfs. I bring the weed. >l bring the dog out of pure intimidation. >She has to sit there over the stain, and pretend nothing happened. >Tell Chad and his gf how much fun the trip was. >Chad suggests we do it every weekend. Now we go on roadtrips in the van with my Great Dane every Saturday, smoking weed and solving mysteries
O Anonymous 02/13/19(Wed)12:31:38 No.792530606 [Reply] »792531307 >Be me >20 year old stoner with nerdy teen gf. >My best friend is a Chad with a hot ginger gf. >We're absolute besties. >Fixing up a classic van together >One day I bring some weed for him and he's all shook up. >Says it's about my gf. >Says she approached him and his gf for a threesome. >He did it and he's super sorry. >YouSonOfABitch.jpg >Decide to confront my gf >She admits it and literally BEGS on her knees for forgiveness. >ldea.gif >I tell her if she will get knotted by my Great Dane on video l'll take her back. >It will be the ultimate insurance policy to ensure she never betrays me again. >We film it in Chad's van. >She nervously pulls down her pants & assumes the position. >Dog licks her and she twitches. >He mounts her and out comes the lipstick. >She gasps as it goes in >I taunt her as he f---- her. >"Like, Who's d--- is bigger, Chad or the dog?" > "Moan" "The dog" "snort" >"Who's bitch are you? Chad or the dog?" >"Gasp" "The dog "Glasses fall off her face" >The dog starts pumping c-- into her c--- as she whimpers. >They're both stuck there for a bit because he can't pull out due to the knot. >l tell her, "If you ever betray me, every bf, employer, or friend you know gets a copy." >"Catching breath" o-okay "Dog pulls out & c-- pours out of her p---- into the van's carpeting." >Next weekend Chad suggests a road trip. >We both bring our gfs. I bring the weed. >l bring the dog out of pure intimidation. >She has to sit there over the stain, and pretend nothing happened. >Tell Chad and his gf how much fun the trip was. >Chad suggests we do it every weekend. Now we go on roadtrips in the van with my Great Dane every Saturday, smoking weed and solving mysteries

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/v/irgin changes sides | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 543509053 2 sa. önce •.. >agree with the antagonist >die to him intentionally >uninstall game and tell everyone you finished it 102,8 kB JPG 9 REPLİES 6 İMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 543509053 2 sa. önce •.. >agree with the antagonist >die to him intentionally >uninstall game and tell everyone you finished it 102,8 kB JPG 9 REPLİES 6 İMAGES REPLY

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Anon is bored | /r/Greentext

>be me, bored in zoom lecture >decide to pin one of the attractive girls, maybe do some casual stroking >pin her and zoom does this thing where someone's video quality goes up when they're highlighted by someone else >her camera also zooms out to a wider angle >this is visible to everyone, not just me >she jumps back >l immediately unpin >have a guilty look on my face, she might have noticed >do it again later anyways
>be me, bored in zoom lecture >decide to pin one of the attractive girls, maybe do some casual stroking >pin her and zoom does this thing where someone's video quality goes up when they're highlighted by someone else >her camera also zooms out to a wider angle >this is visible to everyone, not just me >she jumps back >l immediately unpin >have a guilty look on my face, she might have noticed >do it again later anyways

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Anon is a Theorist | /r/Greentext

theorist-matpat.jpg (143 KB, 800x1200) google yandex iqdb wait Just A Theory Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)03:48:21 No.9427329 v >>9427452 >>9427486 >hello internet, and welcome to game theory >we are going dive head first into todays topic >black people >the interesting thing about black people is that despite being only 13% of the population they make up for- >drum roll please >over 50% of all homicides in america! >52% to be exact >that's insane! >this isnt the only shocking statistic, not by a long shot! >blacks are also responsible for 63% of all drug related crimes >they also make up for 54% of all robberies in america! >the evidence has brought me to the conclusion that black folk are- >drum roll please >a burden on society! >but hey, that's just a theory, a GAME theory > and thanks for watching
theorist-matpat.jpg (143 KB, 800x1200) google yandex iqdb wait Just A Theory Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)03:48:21 No.9427329 v >>9427452 >>9427486 >hello internet, and welcome to game theory >we are going dive head first into todays topic >black people >the interesting thing about black people is that despite being only 13% of the population they make up for- >drum roll please >over 50% of all homicides in america! >52% to be exact >that's insane! >this isnt the only shocking statistic, not by a long shot! >blacks are also responsible for 63% of all drug related crimes >they also make up for 54% of all robberies in america! >the evidence has brought me to the conclusion that black folk are- >drum roll please >a burden on society! >but hey, that's just a theory, a GAME theory > and thanks for watching

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Anon has a sister | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)01:58:13 No.787483512 >Mom died right when I was born >Grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born >Growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister >Be 17 or 18 >Notice that my sister is a hottie >Accidentally found a video that she made of herself >l thought she was so f------ beautiful that I watched it twice sWould have watched it a lot more, but crazy s--- went down and I had to leave home >At this point, totally lústing after my sister >She was also having bad trouble with the law >Actually in custody when I left home >Friend and I go to pick her up >l Just wanted to f--- her brains out >l think she had feelings for me too >Kissed me when we picked her up >Definitely WAS NOT a sisterly kiss >Friend told me he wants to get with my sister >jealous.jpg >Not much happened between me and my sister for a while >At this point, we were all wanted and moving around a lot >Serious sexual tension between my friend and sister >l get hurt badly and almost die >While in recover, sister gives me another not sisterly kiss >We spend some time apart >l get really religious, try not to think of her that way >l was totally over her >We go sailing a year later (nothing romantie) >She's in the hottest f------ bikini ever >All those feelings come back >She ends up with my friend from before >After all this, we were at a party >Sister and I were outside alone >Kill the mood by telling her that Darth Vader is our father and I have to go face him
| Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)01:58:13 No.787483512 >Mom died right when I was born >Grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born >Growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister >Be 17 or 18 >Notice that my sister is a hottie >Accidentally found a video that she made of herself >l thought she was so f------ beautiful that I watched it twice sWould have watched it a lot more, but crazy s--- went down and I had to leave home >At this point, totally lústing after my sister >She was also having bad trouble with the law >Actually in custody when I left home >Friend and I go to pick her up >l Just wanted to f--- her brains out >l think she had feelings for me too >Kissed me when we picked her up >Definitely WAS NOT a sisterly kiss >Friend told me he wants to get with my sister >jealous.jpg >Not much happened between me and my sister for a while >At this point, we were all wanted and moving around a lot >Serious sexual tension between my friend and sister >l get hurt badly and almost die >While in recover, sister gives me another not sisterly kiss >We spend some time apart >l get really religious, try not to think of her that way >l was totally over her >We go sailing a year later (nothing romantie) >She's in the hottest f------ bikini ever >All those feelings come back >She ends up with my friend from before >After all this, we were at a party >Sister and I were outside alone >Kill the mood by telling her that Darth Vader is our father and I have to go face him

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Anon fixes Islamophobia | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: +OFPNMOU) A 02/09/21(Tue)19:27:44 No.307370970 File: Sneeringlmperialist2.png (124 KB, 450x450) >>307369377 (OP). >islam exists >islamophobia exists >kill all islam >islamophobia gone you're welcome OP
O Anonymous (ID: +OFPNMOU) A 02/09/21(Tue)19:27:44 No.307370970 File: Sneeringlmperialist2.png (124 KB, 450x450) >>307369377 (OP). >islam exists >islamophobia exists >kill all islam >islamophobia gone you're welcome OP

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Gorilla Glue | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)08:44:12 No.847035718 >spray glue on head >glue works >sue company for glue working as it should Tessica Brown, woman in Gorilla Glue hair horror, may sue over ordeal By esse ON Fetraaty 8. 2021 1712zan A woman has gone virel on sociel medie for using Gorilla olue in place of actual hairspray 393 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)08:44:12 No.847035718 >spray glue on head >glue works >sue company for glue working as it should Tessica Brown, woman in Gorilla Glue hair horror, may sue over ordeal By esse ON Fetraaty 8. 2021 1712zan A woman has gone virel on sociel medie for using Gorilla olue in place of actual hairspray 393 KB JPG

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made me chuckle | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)09:48:58 No.10428395 [Reply] Hitler was a Nazi. | Showing all replies. O Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)09:50:25 No.10428397 >everyone I don't like is a Nazi Yeah, yeah, take that s--- to twitter.
O Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)09:48:58 No.10428395 [Reply] Hitler was a Nazi. | Showing all replies. O Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)09:50:25 No.10428397 >everyone I don't like is a Nazi Yeah, yeah, take that s--- to twitter.

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Annon is a flat earther. | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Flat Earther >Friend works at NASA >Gives me a ticket to go to outer space >He said it'll change my views >Don'tbelievehim.png 65 KB JPG >Go to outer space >See that the Earth is round >wtfman.jpg >This can't be real >Realize NASA must have hacked my eyes
>Be me >Flat Earther >Friend works at NASA >Gives me a ticket to go to outer space >He said it'll change my views >Don'tbelievehim.png 65 KB JPG >Go to outer space >See that the Earth is round >wtfman.jpg >This can't be real >Realize NASA must have hacked my eyes

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anon protects his virginity | /r/Greentext

Board /b/ - Random v Settings Home : Anonymous 03/19/18(Mon)10:58:55 No.763153031 >be me >at school >there's a grill next to me i never even talked to >during class at one point she asks: "can we do this exercise 143 KB JPG together?" >me: "no" >virginity protected : Anonymous 03/19/18(Mon)11:06:29 No.763153468 >>763153031 (OP) # Good job, anon
Board /b/ - Random v Settings Home : Anonymous 03/19/18(Mon)10:58:55 No.763153031 >be me >at school >there's a grill next to me i never even talked to >during class at one point she asks: "can we do this exercise 143 KB JPG together?" >me: "no" >virginity protected : Anonymous 03/19/18(Mon)11:06:29 No.763153468 >>763153031 (OP) # Good job, anon

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annon buys gorilla glue | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)22:42:57 No.846976653 > be me in current year +1 > need glue for a repair project > go to Home Depot > ask an employee where to find glue > "Have you watched the training video yet, sir?" > follow him to a small conference room in the back > watch mandatory 1 hour training video on proper use of the product > take exam > wait 15 minutes for proctor to grade exam > pass > sign notarized form that I have watched and understand the video > "Thank you, now we just need you to sign this liability waiver" > hands me 51 page contract > leave store, send to lawyer to review > 1 week later > lawyer approves and I sign > go back to store and hand employee the contract > "Thank you sir, here is your item" > hands me glue from a locked case behind the counter and takes payment > go home > try to open the bottle > there is a digital lock on the cap > "Hello. How will you use our adhesive today? Please be aware that deliberately misrepresenting your intended use of the product is a felony." > answer > "I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. Please speak your intended use of the product clearly into the microphone." > try eight more times > "Thank you. A customer care representative will review your request within 5 to 7 business days. > 3 days later > open mail, get $4,700 bill from Goldberg and Goldberg Law Firm for their services > get impatient, try to puncture a hole in the bottom of the bottle > red light flashes and alarm sounds on the digital lock > "WARNING: unauthorized access attempt detected. An incident response team has been dispatched to your location. WARNING: unauthorized ..."
: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)22:42:57 No.846976653 > be me in current year +1 > need glue for a repair project > go to Home Depot > ask an employee where to find glue > "Have you watched the training video yet, sir?" > follow him to a small conference room in the back > watch mandatory 1 hour training video on proper use of the product > take exam > wait 15 minutes for proctor to grade exam > pass > sign notarized form that I have watched and understand the video > "Thank you, now we just need you to sign this liability waiver" > hands me 51 page contract > leave store, send to lawyer to review > 1 week later > lawyer approves and I sign > go back to store and hand employee the contract > "Thank you sir, here is your item" > hands me glue from a locked case behind the counter and takes payment > go home > try to open the bottle > there is a digital lock on the cap > "Hello. How will you use our adhesive today? Please be aware that deliberately misrepresenting your intended use of the product is a felony." > answer > "I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. Please speak your intended use of the product clearly into the microphone." > try eight more times > "Thank you. A customer care representative will review your request within 5 to 7 business days. > 3 days later > open mail, get $4,700 bill from Goldberg and Goldberg Law Firm for their services > get impatient, try to puncture a hole in the bottom of the bottle > red light flashes and alarm sounds on the digital lock > "WARNING: unauthorized access attempt detected. An incident response team has been dispatched to your location. WARNING: unauthorized ..."

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Anon uses the family restroom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)05:52:32 No.62245487 >be scrawny 6 foot 2 n----- >work at walmart grocery >have to wear mask, but my good one is in the wash >wear a horsemask, manager allows it pic related >normal day mostly >lunch time 80 KB JPG >l really need to s--- >men's room is out of order >have to use family restroom >feel constipated >remember how squatting helps with s------- >l squat like a frog >it quickly slides out >woman walks in, I forgot to lock it >she sees me s------- with my horse mask and my 8 in needle thin d--- >caught by surprise all I can say is ribbit >she slams the door >normal day besides that >I later see her while I'm stocking cereal >l wave at her >she immediately turns around and doesn't make a sound Well I haven't been reported yet and it's been over a week so I think I'm good
: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)05:52:32 No.62245487 >be scrawny 6 foot 2 n----- >work at walmart grocery >have to wear mask, but my good one is in the wash >wear a horsemask, manager allows it pic related >normal day mostly >lunch time 80 KB JPG >l really need to s--- >men's room is out of order >have to use family restroom >feel constipated >remember how squatting helps with s------- >l squat like a frog >it quickly slides out >woman walks in, I forgot to lock it >she sees me s------- with my horse mask and my 8 in needle thin d--- >caught by surprise all I can say is ribbit >she slams the door >normal day besides that >I later see her while I'm stocking cereal >l wave at her >she immediately turns around and doesn't make a sound Well I haven't been reported yet and it's been over a week so I think I'm good

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