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Easy like a Sunday morning | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)15:36:46 No.847384614 >l just had a great s---. >Didn't have a terrible urge to go, no need to fight it while making my way to the bathroom, nothing. >Just walked there, sat down and s--- was done. 239 KB PNG >No struggle, no horrid smell, no dhiarrea, no splashing. >Cleaning up was great too, no blood, no pain, just smooth and easy. This genuinely made my day better. 3 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)15:36:46 No.847384614 >l just had a great s---. >Didn't have a terrible urge to go, no need to fight it while making my way to the bathroom, nothing. >Just walked there, sat down and s--- was done. 239 KB PNG >No struggle, no horrid smell, no dhiarrea, no splashing. >Cleaning up was great too, no blood, no pain, just smooth and easy. This genuinely made my day better. 3 Replies View Thread

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Anon asks why his spaghetti-Os keep making lightning | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/02/15(Wed)17:11:29 No.655138144 [Reply] >>655139488 Ask a psychology major anything. + 27 replies and 2 images omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 12/02/15(Wed)17:24:54 No.655139483 >> Anonymous 12/02/15(Wed)17:24:57 No.655139486 O Anonymous 12/02/15(Wed)17:24:57 No.655139488 File: IMG 20151202_120721155.jpg (2.1 MB, 4320x2432) >>655138144 (OP) Why do my spaghetti-Os keep making lightning?
Anonymous 12/02/15(Wed)17:11:29 No.655138144 [Reply] >>655139488 Ask a psychology major anything. + 27 replies and 2 images omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 12/02/15(Wed)17:24:54 No.655139483 >> Anonymous 12/02/15(Wed)17:24:57 No.655139486 O Anonymous 12/02/15(Wed)17:24:57 No.655139488 File: IMG 20151202_120721155.jpg (2.1 MB, 4320x2432) >>655138144 (OP) Why do my spaghetti-Os keep making lightning?

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Anon explains art | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)10:02:21 No.544293692 >be s--- at drawing >can't make money >decide then to just spend a bit more time by making a 6 frame animation >plebbitors and retards eat it up because ITS ANIMATED so automatically is more impressive than any static art to them >earn shitton from patreon If i wasn't so lazy i would become a p--- artist.
: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)10:02:21 No.544293692 >be s--- at drawing >can't make money >decide then to just spend a bit more time by making a 6 frame animation >plebbitors and retards eat it up because ITS ANIMATED so automatically is more impressive than any static art to them >earn shitton from patreon If i wasn't so lazy i would become a p--- artist.

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Anon has flacid penis fetish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/18(Fri)09:02:54 No.46602339 >be me >have flacid penis fetish >look at d--- >get hard >wait to get soft >look at d--- 22 KB PNG >get hard mfw It never ends
: Anonymous 07/06/18(Fri)09:02:54 No.46602339 >be me >have flacid penis fetish >look at d--- >get hard >wait to get soft >look at d--- 22 KB PNG >get hard mfw It never ends

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Anon has a point | /r/Greentext

>Be me, Japan >Enslave women to become sex slaves >Massacre 14m innocent POWS >Attack Pearl Harbor despite US being neutral >Commit many more war crimes >Get nuked >Everyone forgets about my war crimes >Don't get punished >Sympathy from everyone
>Be me, Japan >Enslave women to become sex slaves >Massacre 14m innocent POWS >Attack Pearl Harbor despite US being neutral >Commit many more war crimes >Get nuked >Everyone forgets about my war crimes >Don't get punished >Sympathy from everyone

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Anon has a child | /r/Greentext

File: 3fb85ce1580af24d83f6bde17301e0fe85e(..).png (204 KB, 1063x1063) Parents of /r9k/ Anonymous 10/18/18(Thu)11:30:47 No.48770954 [Reply] >>48771097 >>48771290 >>48771357 >>48772582 >>48772649 >be 19 yr old kv suicidal depressed neet >live with parents >unmarried sister gets preggers because of her bf and doesn't want the kid, but doesn't want to abort either >kid is born, beautiful boy >she abandons him at parents home to pursue her dead end ""acting career"" >parents, and i basically take care of him >love him like my own son, he calls me papa >son grows up fine, i get warehouse job to have more money to make him happier >start jogging in the morning to have enough stamina to play with him >son is great at academics, gets As >start getting along better with my own parents since we're taking care of my son together >work harder and get promoted, more money to buy son toys >experience first hand what raising a child is like, love him >now am 36 yrs old kv with a managerial job at a shipping company >son has gone to univ this year >parents and i are very lonely with nothing to do all day >wait for son's call in the back of our heads all the time >sister is still struggling with her ""acting career (son calls her auntie Imao) >son is coming home for christmas >can't decide what to do to celebrate his first year at college >almost know for certain that if son hadn't been born, i would've probably jumped off a building to end my pathetic life Any other parents here?
File: 3fb85ce1580af24d83f6bde17301e0fe85e(..).png (204 KB, 1063x1063) Parents of /r9k/ Anonymous 10/18/18(Thu)11:30:47 No.48770954 [Reply] >>48771097 >>48771290 >>48771357 >>48772582 >>48772649 >be 19 yr old kv suicidal depressed neet >live with parents >unmarried sister gets preggers because of her bf and doesn't want the kid, but doesn't want to abort either >kid is born, beautiful boy >she abandons him at parents home to pursue her dead end ""acting career"" >parents, and i basically take care of him >love him like my own son, he calls me papa >son grows up fine, i get warehouse job to have more money to make him happier >start jogging in the morning to have enough stamina to play with him >son is great at academics, gets As >start getting along better with my own parents since we're taking care of my son together >work harder and get promoted, more money to buy son toys >experience first hand what raising a child is like, love him >now am 36 yrs old kv with a managerial job at a shipping company >son has gone to univ this year >parents and i are very lonely with nothing to do all day >wait for son's call in the back of our heads all the time >sister is still struggling with her ""acting career (son calls her auntie Imao) >son is coming home for christmas >can't decide what to do to celebrate his first year at college >almost know for certain that if son hadn't been born, i would've probably jumped off a building to end my pathetic life Any other parents here?

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Anon eats fruit loops | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)08:38:24 No.847363961 >in dinning room >eating fruit loops >girlfriend walks in >she waits til she is close to my face and lets out a huge thunderous fart right when i go to open my mouth to take a bite 40 KB JPG >stop eating because all i can think about is s--- particles on my fruit loops >dump bowl And i thought i was an a------, jfc!
: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)08:38:24 No.847363961 >in dinning room >eating fruit loops >girlfriend walks in >she waits til she is close to my face and lets out a huge thunderous fart right when i go to open my mouth to take a bite 40 KB JPG >stop eating because all i can think about is s--- particles on my fruit loops >dump bowl And i thought i was an a------, jfc!

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Anon is a master of his craft | /r/Greentext

File: weld.png (467 KB, 483x381) Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)20:18:47 No.62303437 ► Why haven't you taken the welding pill yet? >Be me >Take a community college class to learn how to weld >One of the highest workers in demand, drive my truck around to whoever needs me >The average welding job takes less than an hour, and I'm back in my truck to the next job >After half a decade in the field, I make $82,000 per year >Still can't weld together my relationship with my ex-wife Please, Rebecca, just respond to my texts. I've already welded together a machine that will release an anvil onto my head. It'll all be over soon
File: weld.png (467 KB, 483x381) Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)20:18:47 No.62303437 ► Why haven't you taken the welding pill yet? >Be me >Take a community college class to learn how to weld >One of the highest workers in demand, drive my truck around to whoever needs me >The average welding job takes less than an hour, and I'm back in my truck to the next job >After half a decade in the field, I make $82,000 per year >Still can't weld together my relationship with my ex-wife Please, Rebecca, just respond to my texts. I've already welded together a machine that will release an anvil onto my head. It'll all be over soon

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Anon walks into the wrong house fool! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)16:43:32 No.847370656 >be irish >post to \pol\ with flag visible >it says "stay mad" with smug pepe >get called potato n----- >laugh >scroll further 9 KB JPG >see my ip Wat do \b\?
: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)16:43:32 No.847370656 >be irish >post to \pol\ with flag visible >it says "stay mad" with smug pepe >get called potato n----- >laugh >scroll further 9 KB JPG >see my ip Wat do \b\?

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Anon is a pirate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/23/19(Wed)21:52:08 No.482626138 >pirate game 1 KB PNG >delete it and download it again 9 more times >company loses $600
: Anonymous 10/23/19(Wed)21:52:08 No.482626138 >pirate game 1 KB PNG >delete it and download it again 9 more times >company loses $600

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Anon goes to Gamestop | /r/Greentext

sad_dad.jpg) Anonymous 10/16/13(Wed)10:11 No.214090781 [Reply] >go to Gamestop >cute girl at counter >talk about video games for a while as I make my purchases >remember that she has poo inside her >feel disgusted and leave as quick as I can F------ Gamestop. 68 posts and 28 image replies omitted. Click here to view.
sad_dad.jpg) Anonymous 10/16/13(Wed)10:11 No.214090781 [Reply] >go to Gamestop >cute girl at counter >talk about video games for a while as I make my purchases >remember that she has poo inside her >feel disgusted and leave as quick as I can F------ Gamestop. 68 posts and 28 image replies omitted. Click here to view.

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Anon was born to be miserable | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)19:28:29 No.847369867 >be me >bday today >same day as valentines >no gf >mfw 67 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)19:32:33 No.847370097 >>847369867(OP)_# HAPPY BDAY!!!!!!!! BOY 1.78 MB GIF
: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)19:28:29 No.847369867 >be me >bday today >same day as valentines >no gf >mfw 67 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)19:32:33 No.847370097 >>847369867(OP)_# HAPPY BDAY!!!!!!!! BOY 1.78 MB GIF

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Anon makes PowerPoint | /r/Greentext

> be me > in health class, have to make a powerpoint about why alcohol is bad 359 KB PNG > 12th grade so no one cares > presentation day comes along > no one has done any work > teacher opens up class file > one project > titled "alachol" > teacher walks out of room > mfw
> be me > in health class, have to make a powerpoint about why alcohol is bad 359 KB PNG > 12th grade so no one cares > presentation day comes along > no one has done any work > teacher opens up class file > one project > titled "alachol" > teacher walks out of room > mfw

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Anon is ripped off | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/19(Mon)21:56:22 No.795913984 >be me, on deathbed from terminal Oronge cancer 5-hou KENERGY >drink 5 hour energy REGULAR STRENGTH >die 2 hours later Vitamins Nutrients Cal Geie Sugar Free4 What the f---? 31 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/25/19(Mon)21:56:22 No.795913984 >be me, on deathbed from terminal Oronge cancer 5-hou KENERGY >drink 5 hour energy REGULAR STRENGTH >die 2 hours later Vitamins Nutrients Cal Geie Sugar Free4 What the f---? 31 KB JPG

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Anon makes a mistake | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 476925202 10 min. ago >run pirated game >printer starts making noise >full black page, both sides 1 REPLY 31.0 kB JPG
Anonymous | 476925202 10 min. ago >run pirated game >printer starts making noise >full black page, both sides 1 REPLY 31.0 kB JPG

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Shaken martinis | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant сараcity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.
: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant сараcity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.

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Suicide bombshell | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)19:42:24 No.62316358 >sitting at the bar drinking alone on a Saturday night| >a woman comes up to me and taps me on the shoulder >she says hey, is this you? and holds up her phone to me >She has tinder opened and it is 241 KB JPG showing my profile. I am even wearing the same jersey that I have on in the tinder photo >l say yeah >She says oh cool! >makes an exaggerated motion of swiping left, then starts laughing >she makes her way over to a group of tables (COVID distancing) where everyone is laughing and looking at me >I run out of the bar without paying I dont know what to do now. I didnt pay and I feel like s--- and want to kill myself. I want to go back to pay but I cant imagine showing my face there again.
: Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)19:42:24 No.62316358 >sitting at the bar drinking alone on a Saturday night| >a woman comes up to me and taps me on the shoulder >she says hey, is this you? and holds up her phone to me >She has tinder opened and it is 241 KB JPG showing my profile. I am even wearing the same jersey that I have on in the tinder photo >l say yeah >She says oh cool! >makes an exaggerated motion of swiping left, then starts laughing >she makes her way over to a group of tables (COVID distancing) where everyone is laughing and looking at me >I run out of the bar without paying I dont know what to do now. I didnt pay and I feel like s--- and want to kill myself. I want to go back to pay but I cant imagine showing my face there again.

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Anon hates skittles | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/22/20(Fri)19:21:22 No.58286746 PRIDE EDITION FAMILYSIE FRuits Skittles During Pride Only one nainbous matters Ss S4 #onerciabous i TOTALLYTHEBOMB.COM Skittles Is Removing The Color From Their Candies In Support Of Pride Month and I Want Some 1590184161939.jpg 668 KB JPG >skittles make "pride skittles" by removing the colored ones >whites only >it literally says SS on the candy you can't make this s--- up
: Anonymous 05/22/20(Fri)19:21:22 No.58286746 PRIDE EDITION FAMILYSIE FRuits Skittles During Pride Only one nainbous matters Ss S4 #onerciabous i TOTALLYTHEBOMB.COM Skittles Is Removing The Color From Their Candies In Support Of Pride Month and I Want Some 1590184161939.jpg 668 KB JPG >skittles make "pride skittles" by removing the colored ones >whites only >it literally says SS on the candy you can't make this s--- up

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So anon, how do you feel? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)09:00:11 No.62321191 166ea5c53a6724f83481baa6197d9896[1].jpg 328 KB JPG >"now, mr.anon, tell me about this pain you've been feeling?" : Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)09:01:29 No.62321202 >>62321191 (OP) # >"I've got a throbbing pain in my genital area I want you to check out"
: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)09:00:11 No.62321191 166ea5c53a6724f83481baa6197d9896[1].jpg 328 KB JPG >"now, mr.anon, tell me about this pain you've been feeling?" : Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)09:01:29 No.62321202 >>62321191 (OP) # >"I've got a throbbing pain in my genital area I want you to check out"

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Anon has a request from a girl | /r/Greentext

7 Re · 2 Img · PNG · 409KB · (919 × 528) 6 Replies >be me >walking in city at night >a few sketchy people around but its not a terrible area >some chick comes up to me and asks if I can walk with her and wait at a bus stop because she's scared and scary guys are approaching her >'it'll only take 20 minutes" >'yeah sure" >we talk as we walk >we get to talking as we walk and wait for the bus stop, and pretty juicily it gets kind of personal, we're both venting about our problems, talking about our dreams, beliefs, worries, life experiences, laughing, >as the bus is coming she asks me if I want some weed to take with me to pay me for walking and waiting with her >"no thanks, allI would ask for is a strand from your golden head" >*laughs nervously "what?" >"you know like one of your hairs >she walks on the bus immediately without responding to me What the f---? Isn't that a romantic as f--- line?
7 Re · 2 Img · PNG · 409KB · (919 × 528) 6 Replies >be me >walking in city at night >a few sketchy people around but its not a terrible area >some chick comes up to me and asks if I can walk with her and wait at a bus stop because she's scared and scary guys are approaching her >'it'll only take 20 minutes" >'yeah sure" >we talk as we walk >we get to talking as we walk and wait for the bus stop, and pretty juicily it gets kind of personal, we're both venting about our problems, talking about our dreams, beliefs, worries, life experiences, laughing, >as the bus is coming she asks me if I want some weed to take with me to pay me for walking and waiting with her >"no thanks, allI would ask for is a strand from your golden head" >*laughs nervously "what?" >"you know like one of your hairs >she walks on the bus immediately without responding to me What the f---? Isn't that a romantic as f--- line?

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