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Cumming of age | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)19:27:54 No.62195827 >be me >be.. 19 >never really had the usual teen sexual exploration phase, kept to myself and did the deed regularly just to keep myself in check >be in shower, feeling really really I HAVE GIVEN 46 KB JPG frisky, a feeling ive never felt before >decide to try suck my own d--- out of curiosity >point the shower towards the wall and lay down in the bathtub, try do almost a somersault to get my dong above my head >it works, start getting on with it, ill skip the gross details and move towards the end >begin to climax, accidentally get it all over my face >start to slip so i move my foot against the toilet thats placed next to the bath to catch myself >knock the toilet off its hanger, the toilet smashes and spills water everywhere >i get up quickly and step out of the bath and slip on toilet water, with smeared nut on my face, try pick up the pieces, water spilling everywhere >spilt my mothers lavatory bin, leaving used women products everywhere >accidentally get some on my hands >both parents come rushing in asking if im okay >they see me with a hard d---, c-- on my face, tampons spilt everywhere with the blood on my hands >both assume i was touching them for weird reasons >mother starts crying, dad unsure of what to say >they both walk away, i turn the water off from the tap and soak up all the mess in some towels. >come out of the bathroom dressed, dad tells me its "time i jump out of the nest and get out into the real world" mother silently nods with her hand on her mouth looking down >go to sit in my room, dad says ill help you pack your stuff. and thats howi ended up homeless at 19, with no friends, no life and nobody, every homeless shelter i tell think im joking.
: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)19:27:54 No.62195827 >be me >be.. 19 >never really had the usual teen sexual exploration phase, kept to myself and did the deed regularly just to keep myself in check >be in shower, feeling really really I HAVE GIVEN 46 KB JPG frisky, a feeling ive never felt before >decide to try suck my own d--- out of curiosity >point the shower towards the wall and lay down in the bathtub, try do almost a somersault to get my dong above my head >it works, start getting on with it, ill skip the gross details and move towards the end >begin to climax, accidentally get it all over my face >start to slip so i move my foot against the toilet thats placed next to the bath to catch myself >knock the toilet off its hanger, the toilet smashes and spills water everywhere >i get up quickly and step out of the bath and slip on toilet water, with smeared nut on my face, try pick up the pieces, water spilling everywhere >spilt my mothers lavatory bin, leaving used women products everywhere >accidentally get some on my hands >both parents come rushing in asking if im okay >they see me with a hard d---, c-- on my face, tampons spilt everywhere with the blood on my hands >both assume i was touching them for weird reasons >mother starts crying, dad unsure of what to say >they both walk away, i turn the water off from the tap and soak up all the mess in some towels. >come out of the bathroom dressed, dad tells me its "time i jump out of the nest and get out into the real world" mother silently nods with her hand on her mouth looking down >go to sit in my room, dad says ill help you pack your stuff. and thats howi ended up homeless at 19, with no friends, no life and nobody, every homeless shelter i tell think im joking.

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Anon has a fetish | /r/Greentext

9h (2/5 22:46) 62192983 38 Re · 7 Img JPG 275KB (952 x 720) 16 Replies What's the most degenerate thing you've fapped to? >Have a huge fetish for a--- and assholes >fap so much it's hard to find good enough p--- to get me off anymore >get a great idea >take my razor and shave my ass >steal pair of sisters panties and put them on just enough so they cover my balls and d--- but show my a------ >take several pictures of my freshly shaven a------ and fap to it.
9h (2/5 22:46) 62192983 38 Re · 7 Img JPG 275KB (952 x 720) 16 Replies What's the most degenerate thing you've fapped to? >Have a huge fetish for a--- and assholes >fap so much it's hard to find good enough p--- to get me off anymore >get a great idea >take my razor and shave my ass >steal pair of sisters panties and put them on just enough so they cover my balls and d--- but show my a------ >take several pictures of my freshly shaven a------ and fap to it.

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Anon is fat with skinny legs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/13/20(Sun)05:07:52 No.143484786 >>143484761 # >Fat with skinny legs is not a good look. It's usually an early sign of liver failure >>143484870 # >>143484786 # >It's usually an early sign of liver failure I've literally never seen anyone refer to someone who is alive as a "liver." Are you f------ retarded? >>143484960 # >>143488400 # >>143491421 # >>143494974 # >>143495866 # >>143497754 # >>143497848 # >>143497937 #
: Anonymous 12/13/20(Sun)05:07:52 No.143484786 >>143484761 # >Fat with skinny legs is not a good look. It's usually an early sign of liver failure >>143484870 # >>143484786 # >It's usually an early sign of liver failure I've literally never seen anyone refer to someone who is alive as a "liver." Are you f------ retarded? >>143484960 # >>143488400 # >>143491421 # >>143494974 # >>143495866 # >>143497754 # >>143497848 # >>143497937 #

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Anon dad was proud for the first time | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/06/21(Sat)03:58:48 No.846647518 Dad seen the p--- I was watching >Dad found my old laptop I had when I was 15 >Give him password so he can use it for work >Don't need it anymore >He somehow finds my old search/watch history 63 KB JPG >Sees all the lesbian and August Ames stuff >Hear him talk to my mom >She thinks I might be an addict >He says "well at least he ain't a f-----" >Tfw he is finally proud of me I love my Dad. 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 02/06/21(Sat)04:01:00 No.846647659 >>846647518 (OP)_# I caught my 4 year old with his pants down watching girls dancing on music I left on. I gave him s--- that you can't do that in the living room. Was just happy to find out he's not gay.
: Anonymous 02/06/21(Sat)03:58:48 No.846647518 Dad seen the p--- I was watching >Dad found my old laptop I had when I was 15 >Give him password so he can use it for work >Don't need it anymore >He somehow finds my old search/watch history 63 KB JPG >Sees all the lesbian and August Ames stuff >Hear him talk to my mom >She thinks I might be an addict >He says "well at least he ain't a f-----" >Tfw he is finally proud of me I love my Dad. 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 02/06/21(Sat)04:01:00 No.846647659 >>846647518 (OP)_# I caught my 4 year old with his pants down watching girls dancing on music I left on. I gave him s--- that you can't do that in the living room. Was just happy to find out he's not gay.

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Retard mode engaged | /r/Greentext

File: E500C3AB-FCBD-4C06-B75F-F().png (58 KB, 645x/29) O Am la c? Anonymous 07/13/20 >walk into Subway by myself >forget im in real life >see white woman >audibly say "white woman spotted"
File: E500C3AB-FCBD-4C06-B75F-F().png (58 KB, 645x/29) O Am la c? Anonymous 07/13/20 >walk into Subway by myself >forget im in real life >see white woman >audibly say "white woman spotted"

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Not ITT: the time I got bleach on my t shirt & felt like an asshole | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.52246692 6 hours ago ITT: times you acted like Yeezy >Be me >invited to family Christmas dinner >Show up two hours late, family already eating >"Anon, we waited an hour for you to show up!" >Shout "You should be honored by my lateness! That I would even show up to this fake s---!" >"Anon, sit down and eat" >Start popping Rosé over the Christmas ham yelling "Tonight, we gone do everything that the Kan like!" >Dad and uncle throw me out >Yell "No one man should have all this power!" >Go home to cry and write a bunch of songs with references to suicide ...
Anonymous No.52246692 6 hours ago ITT: times you acted like Yeezy >Be me >invited to family Christmas dinner >Show up two hours late, family already eating >"Anon, we waited an hour for you to show up!" >Shout "You should be honored by my lateness! That I would even show up to this fake s---!" >"Anon, sit down and eat" >Start popping Rosé over the Christmas ham yelling "Tonight, we gone do everything that the Kan like!" >Dad and uncle throw me out >Yell "No one man should have all this power!" >Go home to cry and write a bunch of songs with references to suicide ...

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Anon sleeps | /r/Greentext

>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say “I used to be President" | immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >I can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night l'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes
>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say “I used to be President" | immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >I can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night l'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes

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Anon sits next to hottie | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/13/17(Sun)23:25:55 No.9596903 File: 1333797215.jpg-(12 KB, 200x189, MADFROG.jpg) >on bus >seat next to me is free >people rather standing than sitting next to me >wonder why >9/10 HOT thai girl comes along >h-------- she's amazing >wearing a mini skirt >she sits down next to me >oh s--- oh s--- >her arm is gently rubbing against my shoulder as the bus drives on a bumpy road >notices me getting uncomfortable >looks me into the eyes with her cute little eyes >smiles >lays her hand on her thighs, still smiling, but fooking forward >please don't get a boner >oh please don't get a boner >she gets one
Anonymous 08/13/17(Sun)23:25:55 No.9596903 File: 1333797215.jpg-(12 KB, 200x189, MADFROG.jpg) >on bus >seat next to me is free >people rather standing than sitting next to me >wonder why >9/10 HOT thai girl comes along >h-------- she's amazing >wearing a mini skirt >she sits down next to me >oh s--- oh s--- >her arm is gently rubbing against my shoulder as the bus drives on a bumpy road >notices me getting uncomfortable >looks me into the eyes with her cute little eyes >smiles >lays her hand on her thighs, still smiling, but fooking forward >please don't get a boner >oh please don't get a boner >she gets one

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Anon discovers PPtouch | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)16:33:13 No.62194316 >be me >about 16 years ago, 12 at the time >discover pptouch >think it only works in shower >beatthatdicklikeamethheadjustdisco veredhisbitchgacemethaway.exe >find out soap is better feeling than water 12 KB JPG >also find out that soap in my urethra burns like f--- >tell parents >nothing wrong at doctor >oh well time to impregnate shower again >burning after, tell parents >this goes on for about a solid week until my mom found me doing it >c-- as she walks in >beat the f--- out of me for using loofah as a fleshlight >s--- as shes beating me >left in the shower covered in s--- >>62194635 # >>62195991 # >>62197065 #
: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)16:33:13 No.62194316 >be me >about 16 years ago, 12 at the time >discover pptouch >think it only works in shower >beatthatdicklikeamethheadjustdisco veredhisbitchgacemethaway.exe >find out soap is better feeling than water 12 KB JPG >also find out that soap in my urethra burns like f--- >tell parents >nothing wrong at doctor >oh well time to impregnate shower again >burning after, tell parents >this goes on for about a solid week until my mom found me doing it >c-- as she walks in >beat the f--- out of me for using loofah as a fleshlight >s--- as shes beating me >left in the shower covered in s--- >>62194635 # >>62195991 # >>62197065 #

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Anon is a true winner | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/21 (Sat)13:42:45 No.844411090 >be me >6th grade with friend >playing Yu-Gi-Oh >he is kicking my ass >getting p----- 25 KB PNG >he gets me to 0 life points >'haha i win' >'i still have one trap card active' >'oh yeah? What's that?" >leap over table and start punching him >mfw i drop him to zero conscience points
: Anonymous 01/09/21 (Sat)13:42:45 No.844411090 >be me >6th grade with friend >playing Yu-Gi-Oh >he is kicking my ass >getting p----- 25 KB PNG >he gets me to 0 life points >'haha i win' >'i still have one trap card active' >'oh yeah? What's that?" >leap over table and start punching him >mfw i drop him to zero conscience points

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OP is back where he belongs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/11/18(Tue)18:08:13 No.48077412 >be me >get banned from 4chan for 3 months >wack.jpg >unironically got a job >making some decent money and can pay for my own vidya >actually met a girl and eventually we get 98 KB PNG together >life is actually going pretty well >be 3 months later at work >realize that i've became a normie >decides to visit 4chan for old time sake >boss saw me scroll through some nsfw s--- >gets fired >no more money >relationship in shambles cuz no money >at least i can post on 4chan again im back robros : Anonymous 09/11/18(Tue)18:09:03 No.48077422 welcome back retard f-----
: Anonymous 09/11/18(Tue)18:08:13 No.48077412 >be me >get banned from 4chan for 3 months >wack.jpg >unironically got a job >making some decent money and can pay for my own vidya >actually met a girl and eventually we get 98 KB PNG together >life is actually going pretty well >be 3 months later at work >realize that i've became a normie >decides to visit 4chan for old time sake >boss saw me scroll through some nsfw s--- >gets fired >no more money >relationship in shambles cuz no money >at least i can post on 4chan again im back robros : Anonymous 09/11/18(Tue)18:09:03 No.48077422 welcome back retard f-----

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Anon hires hooker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/21 (Fri) 18:46:28 No.844936687 RT, V +V, m, + m, ber (m + m)RT P, RT m, RT, (m, +m, )RT, (m, + m, Isat 2 sat IBsat Gm, Gm 3. Isat 2.sat u. (x + rp2) * - 20sý – wx + 26 V(x - T 1601638899698.jpg 180 KB JPG >hire escort >she tells me its $100 for a--- >agree >meet her at her hotel room >pull down pants and start to put on condom >she walks behind me >feel something enter my ass >chickdick.tmp >she c--- >tells me thanks and gives me $100 >mfw
: Anonymous 01/15/21 (Fri) 18:46:28 No.844936687 RT, V +V, m, + m, ber (m + m)RT P, RT m, RT, (m, +m, )RT, (m, + m, Isat 2 sat IBsat Gm, Gm 3. Isat 2.sat u. (x + rp2) * - 20sý – wx + 26 V(x - T 1601638899698.jpg 180 KB JPG >hire escort >she tells me its $100 for a--- >agree >meet her at her hotel room >pull down pants and start to put on condom >she walks behind me >feel something enter my ass >chickdick.tmp >she c--- >tells me thanks and gives me $100 >mfw

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OP is single again | /r/Greentext

>finally get a gf at 30 years old >she is going through my pictures on my phone >anon why do you have hundreds of green cartoon frogs saved in your camera roll? This is weird. Can you delete them? 316 KB PNG >call her a fat pig and tell her to get out of my apartment 7 Replies /1 Image View Thread
>finally get a gf at 30 years old >she is going through my pictures on my phone >anon why do you have hundreds of green cartoon frogs saved in your camera roll? This is weird. Can you delete them? 316 KB PNG >call her a fat pig and tell her to get out of my apartment 7 Replies /1 Image View Thread

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Anon goes hunting | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)17:03:25 No.48158703 >>48142212 # >12 gauge slugs are a good solution to every problem you encounter in the woods that has at least 3 legs 82 KB JPG What the hell has 3 legs? >>48158733 # : Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)17:07:10 No.48158733 >>48158703 # Me with an erection.
: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)17:03:25 No.48158703 >>48142212 # >12 gauge slugs are a good solution to every problem you encounter in the woods that has at least 3 legs 82 KB JPG What the hell has 3 legs? >>48158733 # : Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)17:07:10 No.48158733 >>48158703 # Me with an erection.

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anon is 12 | /r/Greentext

03/03/18(Sat)09:09:13 : Anonymous >be 12 >vitamin B12 Cobolamin 65 KB JPG
03/03/18(Sat)09:09:13 : Anonymous >be 12 >vitamin B12 Cobolamin 65 KB JPG

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Anon reveals the life of a former class clown | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)13:22:35 No.62193449 >be me >Autistic spaz >S----- home life growing up >Pretty much no friends for first few years of school >Start to clown around in class 116 KB JPG >Finally get attention >Realize that being a clown is my only path to a semi normal social life >Become a modern day jester, trade my comedic abilities for a place to sit at lunch >Nothing was sacred, i never took anything serious, many laughs were had, i got in trouble so much but it never >Your mom died? Get clowned >Teacher getting mad that the class won't be quiet? Get clowned >School assembly? Get clowned >Black people? Get clowned >Eventually graduate, go to uni >Clownish antics are still appreciated by fellow students, but professors were having none of it >Get kicked out of a class or two because of it, eventually learn better >Still able to have a decent social circle, but over the years it becomes clear that more and more people are getting annoyed by what I do >Graduate college >Most people just see me as annoying >Long time friends get upset with me >"Anon, why can't you take anything seriously" >"That's not funny" >Social circle keeps getting smaller and smaller, eat alone at lunch and hardly know any coworkers >Don't really talk to kids from school anymore >Right back where I started socially >Tfw bred for this role by society and tossed to the side when they were done with me What do I do now?
: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)13:22:35 No.62193449 >be me >Autistic spaz >S----- home life growing up >Pretty much no friends for first few years of school >Start to clown around in class 116 KB JPG >Finally get attention >Realize that being a clown is my only path to a semi normal social life >Become a modern day jester, trade my comedic abilities for a place to sit at lunch >Nothing was sacred, i never took anything serious, many laughs were had, i got in trouble so much but it never >Your mom died? Get clowned >Teacher getting mad that the class won't be quiet? Get clowned >School assembly? Get clowned >Black people? Get clowned >Eventually graduate, go to uni >Clownish antics are still appreciated by fellow students, but professors were having none of it >Get kicked out of a class or two because of it, eventually learn better >Still able to have a decent social circle, but over the years it becomes clear that more and more people are getting annoyed by what I do >Graduate college >Most people just see me as annoying >Long time friends get upset with me >"Anon, why can't you take anything seriously" >"That's not funny" >Social circle keeps getting smaller and smaller, eat alone at lunch and hardly know any coworkers >Don't really talk to kids from school anymore >Right back where I started socially >Tfw bred for this role by society and tossed to the side when they were done with me What do I do now?

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Anon sacrifice magic for sex | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/06/21(Sat)04:09:43 No.846648233 I went on a date for the first time in 6 years and we ended up kissing. I might finally lose my virginity at 29 years old. Looks like I won't be a wizard after all 7 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/06/21(Sat)04:09:43 No.846648233 I went on a date for the first time in 6 years and we ended up kissing. I might finally lose my virginity at 29 years old. Looks like I won't be a wizard after all 7 KB JPG

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Anon has a nightmare | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/05/20(Sat)01:06:25 No.841624918 >be me >middle of the night >can't sleep >decide to go get a glass of water >walk past parent's bedroom >door's open >look in 9 KB PNG >mom and dad are having sex >audibly gasp >they notice >ask me to join >scream in horror >wake up >sit up in bed, next to my two naked dads >breathe a sigh of relief close call anons
: Anonymous 12/05/20(Sat)01:06:25 No.841624918 >be me >middle of the night >can't sleep >decide to go get a glass of water >walk past parent's bedroom >door's open >look in 9 KB PNG >mom and dad are having sex >audibly gasp >they notice >ask me to join >scream in horror >wake up >sit up in bed, next to my two naked dads >breathe a sigh of relief close call anons

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/biz/ discusses Elon musk and dogecoin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: KKDA+uPB 02/04/21(Thu)09:56:52 No.27695240 >>27694996 # How many billionaires do you see promoting DOGE? I see exactly 1 Also Elon if ur reading this can I have a job, I have no skills of any kind but I'm incredibly racist >>27695551 # >>27697978 # >>27699302 # >>27699494 # >>27699603 # >>27700022 # >>27700211 #
: Anonymous (ID: KKDA+uPB 02/04/21(Thu)09:56:52 No.27695240 >>27694996 # How many billionaires do you see promoting DOGE? I see exactly 1 Also Elon if ur reading this can I have a job, I have no skills of any kind but I'm incredibly racist >>27695551 # >>27697978 # >>27699302 # >>27699494 # >>27699603 # >>27700022 # >>27700211 #

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Keep your head up | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)20:18:50 No.59560705 >be me >train neck >hard to behead >be you >don't train neck 802 KB PNG >easy to behead 6 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)20:21:21 No.59560746 >>59560705 (OP) # >be you >have to suffer through two axe swings before beheaded >be me >only have to deal with the one swing without suffering >>59560982 #
: Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)20:18:50 No.59560705 >be me >train neck >hard to behead >be you >don't train neck 802 KB PNG >easy to behead 6 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)20:21:21 No.59560746 >>59560705 (OP) # >be you >have to suffer through two axe swings before beheaded >be me >only have to deal with the one swing without suffering >>59560982 #

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