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Anon has a point | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/02/19(Sat)01:05:04 No.791590505 >be me >right now >toasting toaster stroodles at 12 am 7 KB JPG >be you >rn >not toasting toaster stroodles at 12 am >why live
: Anonymous 02/02/19(Sat)01:05:04 No.791590505 >be me >right now >toasting toaster stroodles at 12 am 7 KB JPG >be you >rn >not toasting toaster stroodles at 12 am >why live

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Austin powers cure depression | /r/Greentext


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Anon wonders about his husband | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.643300058 1 minute ago >Be me >Best friend and I move into a house together >Neither of us have GFs >F--- each other because it's better than masturbating >Decide to get married for tax benefits >Adopt a kid to be our little bro >One day while we f--- our balls touch >He doesnt stop and say "no h---" Am I married to a f-----? How do I tell our son? 1 reply
Anonymous No.643300058 1 minute ago >Be me >Best friend and I move into a house together >Neither of us have GFs >F--- each other because it's better than masturbating >Decide to get married for tax benefits >Adopt a kid to be our little bro >One day while we f--- our balls touch >He doesnt stop and say "no h---" Am I married to a f-----? How do I tell our son? 1 reply

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Anon is short | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Help AnOns 06/24/19(Mon)14:33:56 No.53056693 >be me >chad face manlet >meet a girl on vidya >she really likes me >we start edating >find out we live close 44 KB JPG >she asks how tall I am I say 5'8 >she is 5'6 I'm actually 5'5 and she is coming over today what the f--- do I do HELP ANONS : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)14:34:58 No.53056699 Ok listen to me. You have dyslexia and misread your height on the ruler >>53056712 # >>53057080 #
: Anonymous Help AnOns 06/24/19(Mon)14:33:56 No.53056693 >be me >chad face manlet >meet a girl on vidya >she really likes me >we start edating >find out we live close 44 KB JPG >she asks how tall I am I say 5'8 >she is 5'6 I'm actually 5'5 and she is coming over today what the f--- do I do HELP ANONS : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)14:34:58 No.53056699 Ok listen to me. You have dyslexia and misread your height on the ruler >>53056712 # >>53057080 #

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Anon laughs at domestic abuse | /r/Greentext

No.62189509 1 hour ago 1504100378640.jpg JPG 42.3 KiB 640x633 >police arrives at my building >try to investigate what happened >roastie got pistol whipped almsot to death by her criminal boyfriend >always was cocky about how her bf is a criminal and that she's untouchable >mfw 2 replies No.62189546 1 hour ago >>62189509 (OP) she won't press charges. Eventually it will be an ambulance coming to collect her body 1 reply ... ...
No.62189509 1 hour ago 1504100378640.jpg JPG 42.3 KiB 640x633 >police arrives at my building >try to investigate what happened >roastie got pistol whipped almsot to death by her criminal boyfriend >always was cocky about how her bf is a criminal and that she's untouchable >mfw 2 replies No.62189546 1 hour ago >>62189509 (OP) she won't press charges. Eventually it will be an ambulance coming to collect her body 1 reply ... ...

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Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and unto Girls the things that are Girl’s | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)06:21:37 No.62186730 File: 1612459764541.png (137 KB, 600x600) >>62186626 (OP) # >be 4 year old me in kindergarten >some girl's gloves get stolen >teachers sit us all in a circle >all the girls are instantly dismissed because they would never steal >dwindles down to me and two other kids >teachers forcing us to confess >can't take the pressure and confess even tho I didn't do it >it was actually some girl who hid the gloves >get called the glove thief for the next 3 years
Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)06:21:37 No.62186730 File: 1612459764541.png (137 KB, 600x600) >>62186626 (OP) # >be 4 year old me in kindergarten >some girl's gloves get stolen >teachers sit us all in a circle >all the girls are instantly dismissed because they would never steal >dwindles down to me and two other kids >teachers forcing us to confess >can't take the pressure and confess even tho I didn't do it >it was actually some girl who hid the gloves >get called the glove thief for the next 3 years

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Anon is a famous author | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/11/19(Wed)05:47:18 No.125495590 >The 23andme has returned, I shall finally prove my 100% Anglo genetic history >W-What is this? Five... percent... WELSH? >I STOOD AGHAST AT THE 19 KB JPG PERVERTED REFLECTION OF MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, HANDS TURNED TO SLIMY WEBBED APPENDAGES SECRETING A FOUL SMELLING OILY SUBSTANCE STAINING THE CARPET. EYES SHRIVELLED TO LIZARD-LIKE HUSKS L ATTEMPTED TO SCREAM BUT ALL THAT UTTERED FORTH FROM MY CUPPED MAW WAS THE HORRIFIC CRY OF GHAR'LOPEATH. MINE EARS WOULD HAVE BEEN PIERCED IF THEY HAD NOT RECOILED ENTIRELY INTO THE SKULL LEAVING ME DEAFENED CONFUSED WRITHING ON THE FLOOR >>125495662 # >>125495665 # >>125495682 # >>125495711 # >>125495990 # >>125496802 # >>125497813 # >>125497870 # >>125499984 # >>125500878 # >>125501005 #
: Anonymous 12/11/19(Wed)05:47:18 No.125495590 >The 23andme has returned, I shall finally prove my 100% Anglo genetic history >W-What is this? Five... percent... WELSH? >I STOOD AGHAST AT THE 19 KB JPG PERVERTED REFLECTION OF MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, HANDS TURNED TO SLIMY WEBBED APPENDAGES SECRETING A FOUL SMELLING OILY SUBSTANCE STAINING THE CARPET. EYES SHRIVELLED TO LIZARD-LIKE HUSKS L ATTEMPTED TO SCREAM BUT ALL THAT UTTERED FORTH FROM MY CUPPED MAW WAS THE HORRIFIC CRY OF GHAR'LOPEATH. MINE EARS WOULD HAVE BEEN PIERCED IF THEY HAD NOT RECOILED ENTIRELY INTO THE SKULL LEAVING ME DEAFENED CONFUSED WRITHING ON THE FLOOR >>125495662 # >>125495665 # >>125495682 # >>125495711 # >>125495990 # >>125496802 # >>125497813 # >>125497870 # >>125499984 # >>125500878 # >>125501005 #

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Anon loves smart writing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)11:44:51 No.146132037 1611133744187.png 197 KB PNG >why didn't you just blooga the ooga booga? woah...
: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)11:44:51 No.146132037 1611133744187.png 197 KB PNG >why didn't you just blooga the ooga booga? woah...

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Anon has cat | /r/Greentext

1h: 45652232· 9 Replies · 3 Images JPG · 13KB · (255 × 218) 2 Replies good feels thread! I'll start. >have cat >cat wanna be pet >petting makes cat happy >i'm happy thank you cat
1h: 45652232· 9 Replies · 3 Images JPG · 13KB · (255 × 218) 2 Replies good feels thread! I'll start. >have cat >cat wanna be pet >petting makes cat happy >i'm happy thank you cat

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Anon has a sad life | /r/Greentext

>playing a single player shooter game >spend the entire playthrough hoarding all the primo ammo types and never using them >only use the s-------- weapons and ammo because "I might need the good stuff later" >complete the final mission >suddenly realize I got through the whole game without ever having fun with the coolest weapons in it >realize I'm doing the same thing with my actual life 128,0 kB PNG
>playing a single player shooter game >spend the entire playthrough hoarding all the primo ammo types and never using them >only use the s-------- weapons and ammo because "I might need the good stuff later" >complete the final mission >suddenly realize I got through the whole game without ever having fun with the coolest weapons in it >realize I'm doing the same thing with my actual life 128,0 kB PNG

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Anon buys computer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)00:02:53 No.846555747 >be me old af >lonely and retard kids never visit >idea.jpg >buy computer >browse p--- >bigtis.jpg >no errection >check mailbox >"VIAGRA SUPER HARD BUY NOW" >enter CC number >mail arrives >browse p--- try again >vagin.png >d--- gets hard >fapfap furiously >mfw heart attack my retarded kids find me a month later in the house with decomposed d--- out
Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)00:02:53 No.846555747 >be me old af >lonely and retard kids never visit >idea.jpg >buy computer >browse p--- >bigtis.jpg >no errection >check mailbox >"VIAGRA SUPER HARD BUY NOW" >enter CC number >mail arrives >browse p--- try again >vagin.png >d--- gets hard >fapfap furiously >mfw heart attack my retarded kids find me a month later in the house with decomposed d--- out

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Anon feels happy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)07:29:17 No.846604161 >be me >never feel any happiness >only reason to keep living is that I'm curious if some disaster or alien attack will happen within my lifetime 35 KB JPG >corona.exe >watch news about hospitals burning down due to overused power grid and oxygen rich atmosphere >see earth slowly get rekt >see planet of the apes 4 live action in the US >see questionable af vaccines being made >see people dying >see better and better strains of covid appearing >life is interesting >feel happy
: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)07:29:17 No.846604161 >be me >never feel any happiness >only reason to keep living is that I'm curious if some disaster or alien attack will happen within my lifetime 35 KB JPG >corona.exe >watch news about hospitals burning down due to overused power grid and oxygen rich atmosphere >see earth slowly get rekt >see planet of the apes 4 live action in the US >see questionable af vaccines being made >see people dying >see better and better strains of covid appearing >life is interesting >feel happy

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Anon fails to understand boomers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/11/20(Fri)08:33:02 No.842083684 How the f--- are boomers alive >Have lead based paint on everything from toys to the walls of your house >Lead in your gasoline >Asbestos was simply the bestos for fireproofing 32 KB JPG >lt also made for good fake snow to put on your Christmas tree >OSHA was just the name of a small town in Wisconsin >Fender Benders could snap your neck >Any car crash above 30 MPH would kill you >Ship all the men over to 'nam >Expose them to agent orange
: Anonymous 12/11/20(Fri)08:33:02 No.842083684 How the f--- are boomers alive >Have lead based paint on everything from toys to the walls of your house >Lead in your gasoline >Asbestos was simply the bestos for fireproofing 32 KB JPG >lt also made for good fake snow to put on your Christmas tree >OSHA was just the name of a small town in Wisconsin >Fender Benders could snap your neck >Any car crash above 30 MPH would kill you >Ship all the men over to 'nam >Expose them to agent orange

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Kidnon gets grounded | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)07:05:31 No.62186626 >be me in kindergarden >see fat girl complain that her tummy hurts >remember that she ate way too much for lunch that day >stupid me tells her that she shouldnt eat so much or her tummy will hurt >gets very mad and tells the supervisors 121 KB PNG that I called her fat >they get mad on me call my parents and ground me >"b-but I just told her to eat less becau..." >you fat shaming kidnon thats so rude of you GROUNDED This is one of the first times I have experienced fat roastie entitlement
: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)07:05:31 No.62186626 >be me in kindergarden >see fat girl complain that her tummy hurts >remember that she ate way too much for lunch that day >stupid me tells her that she shouldnt eat so much or her tummy will hurt >gets very mad and tells the supervisors 121 KB PNG that I called her fat >they get mad on me call my parents and ground me >"b-but I just told her to eat less becau..." >you fat shaming kidnon thats so rude of you GROUNDED This is one of the first times I have experienced fat roastie entitlement

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Speaking in code | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)20:04:50 No.62180722 >"Anon, I really think you should major in engineering" >"No thanks, not interested" >"Anon, you're good at math, why don't you get into engineering?" >"I already said I wasn't interested" >"But you're good at math, you'd be 628 KB GIF good at engineering" >"Me being good at it doesn't mean I enjoy it" >"Anon, I decided to sign you up for the engineering orientation" >"Well, that's not what I wanted-" >"C'mon anon, I know you'll love engineering" >"Anon, just try out engineering" >"| said I didn't want to-" >"Just give it a try, you'll be good at it" >"I don't really... okay" What the f--- is wrong with parents these days? I'm gonna spend at least a year stuck doing courses I hate just because they want to be able to brag to their Facebook friends about how their son is studying engineering.
: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)20:04:50 No.62180722 >"Anon, I really think you should major in engineering" >"No thanks, not interested" >"Anon, you're good at math, why don't you get into engineering?" >"I already said I wasn't interested" >"But you're good at math, you'd be 628 KB GIF good at engineering" >"Me being good at it doesn't mean I enjoy it" >"Anon, I decided to sign you up for the engineering orientation" >"Well, that's not what I wanted-" >"C'mon anon, I know you'll love engineering" >"Anon, just try out engineering" >"| said I didn't want to-" >"Just give it a try, you'll be good at it" >"I don't really... okay" What the f--- is wrong with parents these days? I'm gonna spend at least a year stuck doing courses I hate just because they want to be able to brag to their Facebook friends about how their son is studying engineering.

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Anon is British | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)12:15:33 No.138991473 Bottle of water Bo'ohw'o'wo'er 米 20210204-234506-PrimatBets-id4386713.png 152 KB PNG Do they really?
: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)12:15:33 No.138991473 Bottle of water Bo'ohw'o'wo'er 米 20210204-234506-PrimatBets-id4386713.png 152 KB PNG Do they really?

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Anon is a h4ck3r | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)15:38:27 No.80046749 >pirate game >screen flashes to black and my background is gone 36 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)15:41:19 No.80046775 >>80046749 (OP) # >pirate game >OS is now in hebrew
: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)15:38:27 No.80046749 >pirate game >screen flashes to black and my background is gone 36 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)15:41:19 No.80046775 >>80046749 (OP) # >pirate game >OS is now in hebrew

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Anon supports the disabled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)10:12:12 No.543170328 >>543168960 (OP) # >be villain >designing labyrinth to house my treasure/secret weapon >fill it with traps and hire mercenaries to guard it >install wheelchair ramps next to staircases because I want to make it accessible for disabled 38 KB JPG adventurers
: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)10:12:12 No.543170328 >>543168960 (OP) # >be villain >designing labyrinth to house my treasure/secret weapon >fill it with traps and hire mercenaries to guard it >install wheelchair ramps next to staircases because I want to make it accessible for disabled 38 KB JPG adventurers

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Anon wants drone | /r/Greentext

>be me >live on second floor >want a drone so bad think theyre cool >dad buys drone >wants to surprize me >he comes with the drone to my window >im jerking off >see drone >start f------ screaming >dad starts screaming >crashes drone >what to do now
>be me >live on second floor >want a drone so bad think theyre cool >dad buys drone >wants to surprize me >he comes with the drone to my window >im jerking off >see drone >start f------ screaming >dad starts screaming >crashes drone >what to do now

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Rise of the Planet of the Monke | /r/Greentext

File: 1325296312001.jpg (15 KB, 271x290) Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)04:49:30 No.62186101 [Reply] >>62186787 >>62186864 Why are people so insanely f------ stupid? >Be me in school >Around 13/14 >In maths >4/10 girl sits on my table and so does 6/10 girl >"Anon?" >Yes? >"Is brexit a country?" >Mfw we both live in the uk >"No it isn't a country" >"Oh okay, thanks anon" >Get back to work >"Oh and anon? >"Yes?" >"Is Africa a country?" Genuinely lost hope for the future for a while after that
File: 1325296312001.jpg (15 KB, 271x290) Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)04:49:30 No.62186101 [Reply] >>62186787 >>62186864 Why are people so insanely f------ stupid? >Be me in school >Around 13/14 >In maths >4/10 girl sits on my table and so does 6/10 girl >"Anon?" >Yes? >"Is brexit a country?" >Mfw we both live in the uk >"No it isn't a country" >"Oh okay, thanks anon" >Get back to work >"Oh and anon? >"Yes?" >"Is Africa a country?" Genuinely lost hope for the future for a while after that

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