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Anon lives in Texas | /r/Greentext

Техas Customers Tracked: 12,264,998 State Outages: 1,834,260 Last Updated: 2/15/2021, 11:25:31 AM Outage Scale: 0% 10% 30% 60% 100s >be me >be texasfag >be today >power out >fuckfuckfuck.jpg >le idea >put router on server UPS >thiswillholditover.xml >be now >12 hours later >ups is dying, 20 minutes left >fuckfuckfuck(2).jpg
Техas Customers Tracked: 12,264,998 State Outages: 1,834,260 Last Updated: 2/15/2021, 11:25:31 AM Outage Scale: 0% 10% 30% 60% 100s >be me >be texasfag >be today >power out >fuckfuckfuck.jpg >le idea >put router on server UPS >thiswillholditover.xml >be now >12 hours later >ups is dying, 20 minutes left >fuckfuckfuck(2).jpg

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Anon has a cat | /r/Greentext

1h: 45652232·9 Replies · 3 Images JPG 13KB · (255 × 218) 2 Replies good feels thread! I'll start. >have cat >cat wanna be pet >petting makes cat happy >i'm happy thank you cat
1h: 45652232·9 Replies · 3 Images JPG 13KB · (255 × 218) 2 Replies good feels thread! I'll start. >have cat >cat wanna be pet >petting makes cat happy >i'm happy thank you cat

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Anon goes to the cinema | /r/Greentext

File: 1442571422947.jpg (220 KB, 1182x966) Anonymous 03/07/16(Mon)18:05:16 No.672747306 [Reply] ► >>672749164 >be me >going to see the viewing of Zootopia >in the theater here they have an RPX viewing place where you can reserve seats >reserve the entire row, costs me almost $150 >this is the best row, the one right by the stairs >the one that all the moms with their little s---- go to sit at because it's the easiest to get to >sit right in the middle >hot cooked food to the left, drink, popcorn to the right >moms start pouring in with their spawn >trying to sit down >"sorry but all of these seats are reserved" >"for who?" >"for me" >"you can't do thať" >"yes, I can" >almost every single one of them ask to go see a manager, carrying their spawn along with them >manager comes in, I show him the tickets with the seat spot numbers as proof that I reserved the seats >"sorry ma'am, he reserved them, but there are plenty of other seats to sit at" >at this point they don't even care where they sit, they just don't want me to win >they start complaining to the manager about how it's b------- that I get to reserve every seat in the row and how they should change their policy to where each person can only reserve one seat and bla bla bla >manager backs me up though, what a trooper >they accept defeat and take their seats >few moments later, some people come in without kids, and go to sit down in the row I reserved >soccer mom in the row above me tells them in a very bitchy way "you can't sit there, he reserved every single seat in that row just for him. It's b-------" >"no it's fine, you guys can sit here" >this just pisses her off more >she storms out and gets a manager again >hear her yelling at the manager about how he's discriminating against her >she threatens to leave >he kid starts crying >she admits defeat again and sits down >l audibly laugh >"that's it" >she grabs her kid by the arm and leaves >mfw
File: 1442571422947.jpg (220 KB, 1182x966) Anonymous 03/07/16(Mon)18:05:16 No.672747306 [Reply] ► >>672749164 >be me >going to see the viewing of Zootopia >in the theater here they have an RPX viewing place where you can reserve seats >reserve the entire row, costs me almost $150 >this is the best row, the one right by the stairs >the one that all the moms with their little s---- go to sit at because it's the easiest to get to >sit right in the middle >hot cooked food to the left, drink, popcorn to the right >moms start pouring in with their spawn >trying to sit down >"sorry but all of these seats are reserved" >"for who?" >"for me" >"you can't do thať" >"yes, I can" >almost every single one of them ask to go see a manager, carrying their spawn along with them >manager comes in, I show him the tickets with the seat spot numbers as proof that I reserved the seats >"sorry ma'am, he reserved them, but there are plenty of other seats to sit at" >at this point they don't even care where they sit, they just don't want me to win >they start complaining to the manager about how it's b------- that I get to reserve every seat in the row and how they should change their policy to where each person can only reserve one seat and bla bla bla >manager backs me up though, what a trooper >they accept defeat and take their seats >few moments later, some people come in without kids, and go to sit down in the row I reserved >soccer mom in the row above me tells them in a very bitchy way "you can't sit there, he reserved every single seat in that row just for him. It's b-------" >"no it's fine, you guys can sit here" >this just pisses her off more >she storms out and gets a manager again >hear her yelling at the manager about how he's discriminating against her >she threatens to leave >he kid starts crying >she admits defeat again and sits down >l audibly laugh >"that's it" >she grabs her kid by the arm and leaves >mfw

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Anon old classmate | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: GiVukYbo) 06/20/14(Fri)10:28:03 No.552114428 [Reply] ► >went to highschool with this guy >dude literally had no neck >had to turn his whole body to look at something. >pivot master >he was kind of a prick too >in gym class one day >go back to locker rooms and s--- >after showering >goes to get his bag with clothes >some filled it full of bottles of head & shoulders >i laughed for goddamn week.
Anonymous (ID: GiVukYbo) 06/20/14(Fri)10:28:03 No.552114428 [Reply] ► >went to highschool with this guy >dude literally had no neck >had to turn his whole body to look at something. >pivot master >he was kind of a prick too >in gym class one day >go back to locker rooms and s--- >after showering >goes to get his bag with clothes >some filled it full of bottles of head & shoulders >i laughed for goddamn week.

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Anon appreciates modern conveniences | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Shitpost 02/16/21(Tue)10:20:32 No.62357986 >be me in 2021 >sit down on toilet >s--- >turn on bidet, ass gets sprayed clean >dry asscrack off with toilet paper >flush >s--- disappears 22 KB JPG Thank you modern conveniences
: Anonymous Shitpost 02/16/21(Tue)10:20:32 No.62357986 >be me in 2021 >sit down on toilet >s--- >turn on bidet, ass gets sprayed clean >dry asscrack off with toilet paper >flush >s--- disappears 22 KB JPG Thank you modern conveniences

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how2workout | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/31/17(Thu)21:09:25 No.42700771 File: mgCLuzj.png (58 KB, 151x150) >>42701707 >>42701764 >>42701849 >>42701921 >>42697730 (OP) >be me >confused my muscles every which way possible >starting to see a plateau >devise a plan to finally get my gains back on track >one day ask gf for a haircut >sit down, nice and relaxed >immediately smash my head against the kitchen counter >place myself in a medical coma >muscles have no clue what is going on, they think its the end >get pronounced legally dead >begin to snigger inside my head at the absolute bewilderment my muscles are going to receive >get placed in coffin >muscles think its really the end, they've given up >placed in the ground >dirt begins to fall on the coffin >now is my time to strike >let loose a thunderous CMON as I punch through the coffin lid >family and friends scream in horror at the sight of my bloated corpse ripping through the flimsy wood >muscles haven't even woken up yet >launch myself out of the grave (functional strength) >sprint to my car >power down the highway to the nearest gym >pick up a dumbbell and beginning my 8 hour arm workout >muscles are in complete and utter panic, have no idea whats going on >can audibly hear the screams of confusion emanating from my biceps >cackle to myself as they have no choice but to grow bigger and bigger >mfw the ultimate supplement is death itself
Anonymous 08/31/17(Thu)21:09:25 No.42700771 File: mgCLuzj.png (58 KB, 151x150) >>42701707 >>42701764 >>42701849 >>42701921 >>42697730 (OP) >be me >confused my muscles every which way possible >starting to see a plateau >devise a plan to finally get my gains back on track >one day ask gf for a haircut >sit down, nice and relaxed >immediately smash my head against the kitchen counter >place myself in a medical coma >muscles have no clue what is going on, they think its the end >get pronounced legally dead >begin to snigger inside my head at the absolute bewilderment my muscles are going to receive >get placed in coffin >muscles think its really the end, they've given up >placed in the ground >dirt begins to fall on the coffin >now is my time to strike >let loose a thunderous CMON as I punch through the coffin lid >family and friends scream in horror at the sight of my bloated corpse ripping through the flimsy wood >muscles haven't even woken up yet >launch myself out of the grave (functional strength) >sprint to my car >power down the highway to the nearest gym >pick up a dumbbell and beginning my 8 hour arm workout >muscles are in complete and utter panic, have no idea whats going on >can audibly hear the screams of confusion emanating from my biceps >cackle to myself as they have no choice but to grow bigger and bigger >mfw the ultimate supplement is death itself

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Anon takes an exam | /r/Greentext

Exam Taking Anonymous 04/26/17(Wed)14:13:48 No.36572409 Exam taking story time? >Be me >Uni student >Fluid Mechanics Exam in 2 hours >F--- this I'm gonna fail >lightbulb.rar >Remember I am Lactose Intolerant >lf I can eat some Ice Cream, I will fart >Making the room smell bad will force everyone in the lecture hall to leave early to avoid the smell >This will bring the average down so the prof will have to curve the exam >Luckily my farts are silent but deadly >Begin my devilish plan >1/2 gallon choco-choco chip >Walk to lecture hall >My tummy is rumbling >Sit down to take test and I feel the absurd amount of gas buildup in my rectum >Exam begins >Drop about 15 Nagasakis in 25 minutes >All silent, but all deadly >People begin to leave around the 20 minute mark of a 90 minute exam >As I finish, there are only 2 people left, one being the prof >Hand my test in and head home >myplanworked.exe >Got my exam back today >mfw I got the best grade in the class >mfw I still failed >mfw there will be a 45 point curve
Exam Taking Anonymous 04/26/17(Wed)14:13:48 No.36572409 Exam taking story time? >Be me >Uni student >Fluid Mechanics Exam in 2 hours >F--- this I'm gonna fail >lightbulb.rar >Remember I am Lactose Intolerant >lf I can eat some Ice Cream, I will fart >Making the room smell bad will force everyone in the lecture hall to leave early to avoid the smell >This will bring the average down so the prof will have to curve the exam >Luckily my farts are silent but deadly >Begin my devilish plan >1/2 gallon choco-choco chip >Walk to lecture hall >My tummy is rumbling >Sit down to take test and I feel the absurd amount of gas buildup in my rectum >Exam begins >Drop about 15 Nagasakis in 25 minutes >All silent, but all deadly >People begin to leave around the 20 minute mark of a 90 minute exam >As I finish, there are only 2 people left, one being the prof >Hand my test in and head home >myplanworked.exe >Got my exam back today >mfw I got the best grade in the class >mfw I still failed >mfw there will be a 45 point curve

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anon does a little trolling | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)16:40:44 No.62355840 >See trans "person" >Insult trans "person >They Insult back >Reply with "That wasn't very ladylike of you" >Trolled.png 81 KB PNG : Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)16:42:00 No.62355850 Why are you like this? aaa 94 KB JPG >>62356019 # : Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)16:58:32 No.62356019 >>62355850 # THE VOICE ARE TELLING ME TO 9 KB PNG
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)16:40:44 No.62355840 >See trans "person" >Insult trans "person >They Insult back >Reply with "That wasn't very ladylike of you" >Trolled.png 81 KB PNG : Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)16:42:00 No.62355850 Why are you like this? aaa 94 KB JPG >>62356019 # : Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)16:58:32 No.62356019 >>62355850 # THE VOICE ARE TELLING ME TO 9 KB PNG

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Not anon’s first rodeo | /r/Greentext

1• #766898005 4/25/18, 8:11 PM >be me, in mexico to visit friends >not my first rodeo, pickpockets beware >cut hole in pocket, slip d--- in hole >take public transport, wait for my mark >there he is, punk w/ sticky fingers >make myself an easy mark, not too obvious >few minutes later, kid tries to lift wallet, touches penis >he knows it, i know it >my face as he looks at me with disqust and he gets off the next step Mexico is a great place
1• #766898005 4/25/18, 8:11 PM >be me, in mexico to visit friends >not my first rodeo, pickpockets beware >cut hole in pocket, slip d--- in hole >take public transport, wait for my mark >there he is, punk w/ sticky fingers >make myself an easy mark, not too obvious >few minutes later, kid tries to lift wallet, touches penis >he knows it, i know it >my face as he looks at me with disqust and he gets off the next step Mexico is a great place

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Anon is European | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)14:54:45 No.847521948 [Reply] >go to school >don't get shot God I love Europe
O Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)14:54:45 No.847521948 [Reply] >go to school >don't get shot God I love Europe

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Anon likes scat music | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)07:24:50 No.847518437 >be me >5th grader at the time >really into scat music >school has this weird "social media" called edmodo >we eat that s--- up >one day I decide to express my love for 17 KB JPG scat on this thing >"is anyone here into scat? Because l'm the scatman!" >later teachers call me over to confirm it was me who posted it >hellyeah.mp3 >she looks at me concerned and sends me back to my desk >be me noW >18 >realize that scat is another word for s--- >I looked like I was saying this I was into s--- >realize my teacher probably thought I was proclaiming my love for s--- and all to do with it >mfw when >mfw
Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)07:24:50 No.847518437 >be me >5th grader at the time >really into scat music >school has this weird "social media" called edmodo >we eat that s--- up >one day I decide to express my love for 17 KB JPG scat on this thing >"is anyone here into scat? Because l'm the scatman!" >later teachers call me over to confirm it was me who posted it >hellyeah.mp3 >she looks at me concerned and sends me back to my desk >be me noW >18 >realize that scat is another word for s--- >I looked like I was saying this I was into s--- >realize my teacher probably thought I was proclaiming my love for s--- and all to do with it >mfw when >mfw

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B- ba-...Based? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/21(Mon)16:26:22 No.19102575 terfs have legit turned me sexist 9 KB GIF 28 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 02/15/21(Mon)16:26:22 No.19102575 terfs have legit turned me sexist 9 KB GIF 28 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Trojan horse | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/21(Mon)18:39:14 No.847476465 >be me >slim physique type >want my thighs and ass to be thicc >will do squats >do squats and lunges and s--- for a few months 49 KB JPG >am thiccer now >success Now what
: Anonymous 02/15/21(Mon)18:39:14 No.847476465 >be me >slim physique type >want my thighs and ass to be thicc >will do squats >do squats and lunges and s--- for a few months 49 KB JPG >am thiccer now >success Now what

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Anon hates Mondays | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)14:22:20 No.847520687 >be me >hate mondays >6 days are not mondays >be happy for 85,71428571428571% of the week >mfw when its monday 13 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)14:22:20 No.847520687 >be me >hate mondays >6 days are not mondays >be happy for 85,71428571428571% of the week >mfw when its monday 13 KB JPG

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Anon meets his aunt | /r/Greentext

File: 20201115_171403.jpg (330 KB, 720x884) O Anonymous (ID: MhGb15s5 ) 11/15/20(Sun)20:01:42 No.11658074 >be me living in a rural city >have nothing to do because of the summer break >decide to hang out in the local pub >drink chocolate vodka >girls laughs at me because of my choice of drink >laugh too >go talk to her >she's cool >we drunk >we go to her car >we frick >give me her number >time skip 1 week later >family meeting >find her there >"what ?" >turns out it's one of my aunts that I never met because she lives too far >she literally runs out of the house crying >mfw I f----- my aunt
File: 20201115_171403.jpg (330 KB, 720x884) O Anonymous (ID: MhGb15s5 ) 11/15/20(Sun)20:01:42 No.11658074 >be me living in a rural city >have nothing to do because of the summer break >decide to hang out in the local pub >drink chocolate vodka >girls laughs at me because of my choice of drink >laugh too >go talk to her >she's cool >we drunk >we go to her car >we frick >give me her number >time skip 1 week later >family meeting >find her there >"what ?" >turns out it's one of my aunts that I never met because she lives too far >she literally runs out of the house crying >mfw I f----- my aunt

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Anon is a chef | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)08:20:40 No.102656591 45188D7700000578-0-image-a-18_1507291424887[1].jpg 53 KB JPG >Now, Cocaine >get the packet >knife, sharp >cut yes? >look at that color >rustic, simple >now, pound note >roll, tight >now this is my favorite >SNIFFF >f--- me >>102656784 # >>102658699 # >>102658907 # >>102662412 # >>102663687 #
: Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)08:20:40 No.102656591 45188D7700000578-0-image-a-18_1507291424887[1].jpg 53 KB JPG >Now, Cocaine >get the packet >knife, sharp >cut yes? >look at that color >rustic, simple >now, pound note >roll, tight >now this is my favorite >SNIFFF >f--- me >>102656784 # >>102658699 # >>102658907 # >>102662412 # >>102663687 #

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Anon fucks up with his beyblade | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 21 minut temu 786969401 >be me >got f------ fire new Beyblade today >took it to school with me >it's gym class >f--- gym class it's for f------ >decide to take my new Beyblade >it fits perfectly under my I heart boobies bracelet >my agility, control, and mastery attracts hot bitches >hot bitches all around me and my fire blade >hot girls made me nervous >quickly pop my wheels in my Heelys to nope the f--- out >big mistake >s--- hit the glass ceiling >hot bitches got too wet by my Beyblade skills >the floor was so wet >time to roll >the hot wet bitches hydroplaned my Heelys >i fall hard >woke up in jail >they tell me I did horrible things >l can't remember. >I lost 6 hours of memory >what the f--- did I do b? >where-the-f----is-my-beyblade.jpg
Anonymous 21 minut temu 786969401 >be me >got f------ fire new Beyblade today >took it to school with me >it's gym class >f--- gym class it's for f------ >decide to take my new Beyblade >it fits perfectly under my I heart boobies bracelet >my agility, control, and mastery attracts hot bitches >hot bitches all around me and my fire blade >hot girls made me nervous >quickly pop my wheels in my Heelys to nope the f--- out >big mistake >s--- hit the glass ceiling >hot bitches got too wet by my Beyblade skills >the floor was so wet >time to roll >the hot wet bitches hydroplaned my Heelys >i fall hard >woke up in jail >they tell me I did horrible things >l can't remember. >I lost 6 hours of memory >what the f--- did I do b? >where-the-f----is-my-beyblade.jpg

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Anon walks around late at night | /r/Greentext

U Anonymous 10/27/16(Thu)07:10:15 No.32360229 File: 223211b5a1.png (440 KB, 632x604) >32360378 >>32360816 Not really cringe, but I have a story from a friend about missing social cues. >Walking around town late at night >Reach a guy sitting on the sidewalk, he asks me for money >"Sorry man, I don't have any money." >"I have a knife." >"Nah, that's okay man, I don't need a knife" >Walk away, don't realize I was getting robbed until later that night
U Anonymous 10/27/16(Thu)07:10:15 No.32360229 File: 223211b5a1.png (440 KB, 632x604) >32360378 >>32360816 Not really cringe, but I have a story from a friend about missing social cues. >Walking around town late at night >Reach a guy sitting on the sidewalk, he asks me for money >"Sorry man, I don't have any money." >"I have a knife." >"Nah, that's okay man, I don't need a knife" >Walk away, don't realize I was getting robbed until later that night

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Anon orders a sandwich | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)0:04:57 No.544504449 Uhmmm... Welcome... What's your order? 194 KB JPG 24 Replies / 4 Images View Thread : Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)00:30:47 No.544506561 >>544504449 >l'd like the chicken fajita please. Large sub, normal white bread. >What kind of cheese would you like? >Just the default one, like how it is on the picture >Normal or spicy? >Like the picture please >Toasted? >Yes please >Okay what kind of toppings would you like >Please just put whatever is supposed to go on it, so like it is pictured over there above your head >Lettuce? >Yes >Tomato? >Yes >Onion? >ls it on the picture? >I think so >Then put onion
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)0:04:57 No.544504449 Uhmmm... Welcome... What's your order? 194 KB JPG 24 Replies / 4 Images View Thread : Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)00:30:47 No.544506561 >>544504449 >l'd like the chicken fajita please. Large sub, normal white bread. >What kind of cheese would you like? >Just the default one, like how it is on the picture >Normal or spicy? >Like the picture please >Toasted? >Yes please >Okay what kind of toppings would you like >Please just put whatever is supposed to go on it, so like it is pictured over there above your head >Lettuce? >Yes >Tomato? >Yes >Onion? >ls it on the picture? >I think so >Then put onion

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Anon has a bad day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/23/17(Mon)23:27:58 No.40623659 Job Greentexts This happened last night. >Get job at McDonalds, need cash >Work in the back arranging the meals >qt 3.14 comes in with-~8 yo daughter, asks for a chicken nugget Наррy Мeal 225 KB PNG >daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything >throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness >few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill >its right next to the mom and her daughter >evesdrop on them >"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?" >mom replies, "Its because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count" >mfw >mom and daughter laugh while I walk away Why are people so unappreciative? 13 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 10/23/17(Mon)23:27:58 No.40623659 Job Greentexts This happened last night. >Get job at McDonalds, need cash >Work in the back arranging the meals >qt 3.14 comes in with-~8 yo daughter, asks for a chicken nugget Наррy Мeal 225 KB PNG >daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything >throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness >few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill >its right next to the mom and her daughter >evesdrop on them >"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?" >mom replies, "Its because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count" >mfw >mom and daughter laugh while I walk away Why are people so unappreciative? 13 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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