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Anon has his life ruined | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)21:18:47 No.846216918 [Reply] >>846217455 SMOSH >be me, 11 years old >was a huge fan of smosh >watching funny smosh video one late night, feels good man >suddenly some hot lady in a bikini pops up on screen, she wets herself with water from a hose outside >its very sexy, I pop a boner >keep rewinding the scene, starts to rub my d--- >eventually I came, mind f------ blowned of what just happened >gets addicted to m-----------, still do it to this day F--- you Smosh, you ruined my life
O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)21:18:47 No.846216918 [Reply] >>846217455 SMOSH >be me, 11 years old >was a huge fan of smosh >watching funny smosh video one late night, feels good man >suddenly some hot lady in a bikini pops up on screen, she wets herself with water from a hose outside >its very sexy, I pop a boner >keep rewinding the scene, starts to rub my d--- >eventually I came, mind f------ blowned of what just happened >gets addicted to m-----------, still do it to this day F--- you Smosh, you ruined my life

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Anon makes pizza | /r/Greentext

>be me >neet loser >hate myself >not good at anything >it's pizza friday >my mom makes the pizza dough, and i make the rest of it 69 KB JPG >mom usually doesn't have pizza >eat my pizza upstairs in my room >tasty.png >go downstairs for more >my mom calls me into her room >"hey anon, i ate some of you pizza, hope you don't mind >whatever.avi >"you make really good pizzas anon. they're the best i've ever tasted" >mom makes my bro try some of the pizza >he loves it aswell >mfw i'm actually OK at something Love you mom.
>be me >neet loser >hate myself >not good at anything >it's pizza friday >my mom makes the pizza dough, and i make the rest of it 69 KB JPG >mom usually doesn't have pizza >eat my pizza upstairs in my room >tasty.png >go downstairs for more >my mom calls me into her room >"hey anon, i ate some of you pizza, hope you don't mind >whatever.avi >"you make really good pizzas anon. they're the best i've ever tasted" >mom makes my bro try some of the pizza >he loves it aswell >mfw i'm actually OK at something Love you mom.

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You are anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/20(Fri)22:32:34 No.817682610 > be me > You are now me > Have fun with you terrible life 203 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/03/20(Fri)22:32:34 No.817682610 > be me > You are now me > Have fun with you terrible life 203 KB JPG

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Anti-triple masker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 06M4GWWU 01/31/21(Sun)01:29:40 No.305919156 >Look sir, I completely understand where you're coming from, but I'm afraid that, as per store policy, I just cannot have you entering with only 3 masks on. 126 KB JPG
: Anonymous (ID: 06M4GWWU 01/31/21(Sun)01:29:40 No.305919156 >Look sir, I completely understand where you're coming from, but I'm afraid that, as per store policy, I just cannot have you entering with only 3 masks on. 126 KB JPG

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Anon steps out of his comfort zone | /r/Greentext

DEST ROY >tfw remembering that time i decided to go outside of my comfort zone for once and participate in a race at the roller-skate club >ended up behind by two laps when everyone else had already finished >everyone watching me fall on my ass over and over alone for two laps while I try not to look like im about to cry
DEST ROY >tfw remembering that time i decided to go outside of my comfort zone for once and participate in a race at the roller-skate club >ended up behind by two laps when everyone else had already finished >everyone watching me fall on my ass over and over alone for two laps while I try not to look like im about to cry

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Anon wins the lottery | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)20:49:08 No.846236091 lottery.jpg 73 KB JPG >WHO WON THE LOTTERY? I DID >SMELL THAT AIR, COULDN'T YA JUST DRINK IT LIKE ВOOZE EhEaНEaНЕНаЕEaНEaHЕ 2 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)20:49:08 No.846236091 lottery.jpg 73 KB JPG >WHO WON THE LOTTERY? I DID >SMELL THAT AIR, COULDN'T YA JUST DRINK IT LIKE ВOOZE EhEaНEaНЕНаЕEaНEaHЕ 2 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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based anon schools uppity college frau | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)12:02:10 No.846241131 >Be me, freshman year college, 2010 >Make friends with German woman during orientation >Late 20's qt3.14, but married >Go to psych class oh s--- she's there >Sit next to each other 45 KB JPG >Took German class for credit pre reqs >She always helps me learning vocab and pronunciation >She always makes light hearted jokes about the US, never mean spirited >One day we are in commons are, her chair is always squeeking >"Oh look, you silly Americans can't even get chair manufacturing right." >Smiles.jpg >I laugh >"Yeah, I guess you're right, but you know what we DID get right?" >"What's that anon." > I lean in close..."The war." >Acts huffy, grabs her purse, leaves >Sits away from me in psych class from then on Wish I would have finished the year out with her tutoring, but I didn't expect that strong of a reaction. I think about %3D this from time to time.
: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)12:02:10 No.846241131 >Be me, freshman year college, 2010 >Make friends with German woman during orientation >Late 20's qt3.14, but married >Go to psych class oh s--- she's there >Sit next to each other 45 KB JPG >Took German class for credit pre reqs >She always helps me learning vocab and pronunciation >She always makes light hearted jokes about the US, never mean spirited >One day we are in commons are, her chair is always squeeking >"Oh look, you silly Americans can't even get chair manufacturing right." >Smiles.jpg >I laugh >"Yeah, I guess you're right, but you know what we DID get right?" >"What's that anon." > I lean in close..."The war." >Acts huffy, grabs her purse, leaves >Sits away from me in psych class from then on Wish I would have finished the year out with her tutoring, but I didn't expect that strong of a reaction. I think about %3D this from time to time.

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Anon is ingenious | /r/Greentext

: 0907339847280 12/29/20(Tue)00:59:41 No.61591858 >be me >be fapping day and night >stupid mom keeps not knocking on the door and just barging in >hadn't gotten caught yet, but I PEPÉTZU. THE ART OF WAR had some close calls >hatch a plan >decide to sit naked in my room 85 KB JPG all day so she'll be embarrassed next time it happens >all day I'm sitting in my chair >it happened >she ALWAYS knocks now Sometimes you gotta lose the battle to win the war
: 0907339847280 12/29/20(Tue)00:59:41 No.61591858 >be me >be fapping day and night >stupid mom keeps not knocking on the door and just barging in >hadn't gotten caught yet, but I PEPÉTZU. THE ART OF WAR had some close calls >hatch a plan >decide to sit naked in my room 85 KB JPG all day so she'll be embarrassed next time it happens >all day I'm sitting in my chair >it happened >she ALWAYS knocks now Sometimes you gotta lose the battle to win the war

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anon has gay friends | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)23:17:14 No.846225291 >>846225369 > be me > have female friends > figure out all of them are lesbian > my appearance turned them gay mfw O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)23:18:19 No.846225369 >>846225291 (OP) Pretend to be a girl and then f--- them.
O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)23:17:14 No.846225291 >>846225369 > be me > have female friends > figure out all of them are lesbian > my appearance turned them gay mfw O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)23:18:19 No.846225369 >>846225291 (OP) Pretend to be a girl and then f--- them.

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Green Text motorbike go brrrrrr | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/18(Fri)13:27:00 No.470946- >mfw I see a motorbike go past zzzZ00000000OM 25 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 07/27/18(Fri)13:27:00 No.470946- >mfw I see a motorbike go past zzzZ00000000OM 25 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon is black | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)20:02:51 No.846237030 >be me >born black, 3rd child >parents are actually wealthy when born because some doctor almost killed my mom or something >go to school with a bunch of white people 36 KB JPG >pretty good time at school, popular and school is good because white neighborhood >parents had apparently spent most of the money (like 2mil) by the time I was in 3rd grade >problems in there relationship >divorce.png >mom moves to s----- part of town, so does dad >school is now all black tarde >get bullied because I talk different >siblings all start talking more black to fit in, works, but there grades are now s--- >make fun of me for sounding white >w--.jpeg >become depressed loner in middle school who hates family >s--- continues like this until high school >go to some school for "smart kids" >easy street again >go to college >get stem degree >have jobs where I make 75k >sibling update >little sister had two kids and is divorced >brother is currently eating trendies in my grandma's one bedroom apartment >older sister is working at a meh job or some s--- but doing okay >tfw trying to fit in got them nothing I have no problem being black but changing yourself to be a tard just because it's cool is f------ stupid
: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)20:02:51 No.846237030 >be me >born black, 3rd child >parents are actually wealthy when born because some doctor almost killed my mom or something >go to school with a bunch of white people 36 KB JPG >pretty good time at school, popular and school is good because white neighborhood >parents had apparently spent most of the money (like 2mil) by the time I was in 3rd grade >problems in there relationship >divorce.png >mom moves to s----- part of town, so does dad >school is now all black tarde >get bullied because I talk different >siblings all start talking more black to fit in, works, but there grades are now s--- >make fun of me for sounding white >w--.jpeg >become depressed loner in middle school who hates family >s--- continues like this until high school >go to some school for "smart kids" >easy street again >go to college >get stem degree >have jobs where I make 75k >sibling update >little sister had two kids and is divorced >brother is currently eating trendies in my grandma's one bedroom apartment >older sister is working at a meh job or some s--- but doing okay >tfw trying to fit in got them nothing I have no problem being black but changing yourself to be a tard just because it's cool is f------ stupid

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9/11 the proto-meme | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: CYaRgWDp 07/28/17(Fri)08:3 >>135275894 >>135276090 >>135276165 >>135277069 >>135278 >>135286564 >>135286951 >>135289136 >>135289396 >>135290 >Brother is a history teacher for kids in 5th grade >Told me he brought up 9/11 to his class >Said kids went instantly insane >They didn't know it was real >One kid said he thought it was just a meme
O Anonymous (ID: CYaRgWDp 07/28/17(Fri)08:3 >>135275894 >>135276090 >>135276165 >>135277069 >>135278 >>135286564 >>135286951 >>135289136 >>135289396 >>135290 >Brother is a history teacher for kids in 5th grade >Told me he brought up 9/11 to his class >Said kids went instantly insane >They didn't know it was real >One kid said he thought it was just a meme

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Anon is no longer virgin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/18/20(Fri)11:19:20 No.61442953 >be me >be a month and a half ago >tired of being a f------ virgin so I get on tinder and raw dog (which she didn't seem to mind) the first fat chick I match with feels good man 9 KB PNG >be almost a month later >fatty tells me she has been late on her period so she did a pregnancy test and it came out positive >freak the hell out and deny everything >block her from everything but she keeps trying to contact me, fortunately she doesn't know where I live >decide to just lay low and keep ignoring her and it'll eventually go away >be a couple of weeks ago >friend of hers contacts me to tell me she got the rona >be today >just got a message from her friend, turns out the bitch died of covid >feels immense relief sometimes God is really looking out for you
: Anonymous 12/18/20(Fri)11:19:20 No.61442953 >be me >be a month and a half ago >tired of being a f------ virgin so I get on tinder and raw dog (which she didn't seem to mind) the first fat chick I match with feels good man 9 KB PNG >be almost a month later >fatty tells me she has been late on her period so she did a pregnancy test and it came out positive >freak the hell out and deny everything >block her from everything but she keeps trying to contact me, fortunately she doesn't know where I live >decide to just lay low and keep ignoring her and it'll eventually go away >be a couple of weeks ago >friend of hers contacts me to tell me she got the rona >be today >just got a message from her friend, turns out the bitch died of covid >feels immense relief sometimes God is really looking out for you

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Anon likes oranges | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)21:44:24 No.43247 >spearheaded the vtuber meme >maximum soul >millions of fans >got his own television show was he the most successful vtuber to date, /vt/? 14 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)21:44:24 No.43247 >spearheaded the vtuber meme >maximum soul >millions of fans >got his own television show was he the most successful vtuber to date, /vt/? 14 KB JPG

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Anon has a class pet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)19:03:22 No.846233050 >be me >second grade >cool teacher had a pet mouse named sky that he kept in the classroom >occasionally he would let a student take sky home with them for a few days or so 56 KB JPG >one day, kid named Taylor gets sky >takes it with him after school >ffw 3 weeks >f------ Taylor hasn't brought the mouse back >f------ c--- >teacher seems genuinely upset >friends and I agree to go beat up this little s--- after school to teach him a lesson >some months and a suspension later >someone asks what happened to sky during class >teacher tells the class that he died >feelsbadman.png >remember that Taylor was the last one to take sky home >f------ Taylor >round up the boys >beat the s--- out of this m----------- after school again >ffw to now >15 years and another suspension later >thinking about what this piece of trash did to us still remember what you did, Taylor. If you're reading this, f--- you.
: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)19:03:22 No.846233050 >be me >second grade >cool teacher had a pet mouse named sky that he kept in the classroom >occasionally he would let a student take sky home with them for a few days or so 56 KB JPG >one day, kid named Taylor gets sky >takes it with him after school >ffw 3 weeks >f------ Taylor hasn't brought the mouse back >f------ c--- >teacher seems genuinely upset >friends and I agree to go beat up this little s--- after school to teach him a lesson >some months and a suspension later >someone asks what happened to sky during class >teacher tells the class that he died >feelsbadman.png >remember that Taylor was the last one to take sky home >f------ Taylor >round up the boys >beat the s--- out of this m----------- after school again >ffw to now >15 years and another suspension later >thinking about what this piece of trash did to us still remember what you did, Taylor. If you're reading this, f--- you.

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A song of Winds and Dragons | /r/Greentext

File: illust 87289752 20210125_(...).png (536 KB, 711x1200) O Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)17:21:14 No.62029703 [Reply] >>62030720 >be me, 25 yo >download tinder >get some matches >one hour into a dialogue with a lady from my town >she asks if i'm free tomorrow >i am >turns out she is looking for a fill in for some tenhou tournament and asks if id like to join >i eagerly accept >we play mahjong all day long life is good Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)17:24:58 No.62029759 File: 1606128678181.jpg (366 KB, 865x1200) I AM EWASHZU WAO AM A Sounds like a normal day in the life of a mahjongchad. Take the pill, the final pil. CAR- NATE
File: illust 87289752 20210125_(...).png (536 KB, 711x1200) O Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)17:21:14 No.62029703 [Reply] >>62030720 >be me, 25 yo >download tinder >get some matches >one hour into a dialogue with a lady from my town >she asks if i'm free tomorrow >i am >turns out she is looking for a fill in for some tenhou tournament and asks if id like to join >i eagerly accept >we play mahjong all day long life is good Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)17:24:58 No.62029759 File: 1606128678181.jpg (366 KB, 865x1200) I AM EWASHZU WAO AM A Sounds like a normal day in the life of a mahjongchad. Take the pill, the final pil. CAR- NATE

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Anon at the gym | /r/Greentext

1 40867114 28/03/2017 6:05 PM >go to gold's >doing my warmup routine of curls and butterflys >entrance swings open >a literal f------ clown walks in >like not even some juggalo or joker cosplayer, 142 KB an actual clown that you'd see at a carnival >he checks in and goes to the freeweight section >picks up two 20 pound dumbbells and starts f------ juggling them >everyone stares in awe >one of the employees asks him to please stop because he could hurt someone >agrees and drops one on his foot, starts screaming in a high pitched voice >employee asks if he's ok >he lets out a chuckle, honks his nose and takes off hos size 19 shoe to reveal he's fine >employee sighs and tries to find the manager >by the time she comes back the clown is on the squat rack doing 3pl8 ATF reps >he notices her and the manager out of the corner of his eye and smiles >his pants conveniently rip and he s---- out three hackey sacks and a circus peanut i f------ hate these gym clowns i wish they would just go away
1 40867114 28/03/2017 6:05 PM >go to gold's >doing my warmup routine of curls and butterflys >entrance swings open >a literal f------ clown walks in >like not even some juggalo or joker cosplayer, 142 KB an actual clown that you'd see at a carnival >he checks in and goes to the freeweight section >picks up two 20 pound dumbbells and starts f------ juggling them >everyone stares in awe >one of the employees asks him to please stop because he could hurt someone >agrees and drops one on his foot, starts screaming in a high pitched voice >employee asks if he's ok >he lets out a chuckle, honks his nose and takes off hos size 19 shoe to reveal he's fine >employee sighs and tries to find the manager >by the time she comes back the clown is on the squat rack doing 3pl8 ATF reps >he notices her and the manager out of the corner of his eye and smiles >his pants conveniently rip and he s---- out three hackey sacks and a circus peanut i f------ hate these gym clowns i wish they would just go away

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anon introduces himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: yN6Myb5b) I am black. No racism is toler(...) 11/24/20(Tue)22:27:26 No.292855993 Hello I am black. No racism here 89 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: 9HfQFfEr ) E 11/24/20(Tue)22:28:13 No.292856126 N-----
: Anonymous (ID: yN6Myb5b) I am black. No racism is toler(...) 11/24/20(Tue)22:27:26 No.292855993 Hello I am black. No racism here 89 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: 9HfQFfEr ) E 11/24/20(Tue)22:28:13 No.292856126 N-----

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Anon made someone's sister pregnant. | /r/Greentext

File: EFXCE01UYAA8CSO.jpg (41 KB, 798x644) O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)14:33:04 No.846188522 [Reply] > >846194792 /b/ What's some f----- up s--- you did as a preteen/teen? I'll start. >Be me (m13) in 2011 >Kinda the center of my weeb friend group. >There's a kid that hangs around our area during lunch, but nobody talks to him. Name is Nick. >Tall lanky mf. Smells like his washing machine doesn't work. >My friend Taylor and I decide to befriend him. >We go over to his house in order to play halo reach. >Fun f------ game. >Hang out until 1 am. Taylor has to go home. I spend the night. >Nick has a 17 year old sister. 7/10. >Dude passes the f--- out, and his sister and I are alone. >Around 3 am, she grabs me by the hand after everyone's asleep, and brings me into their garage. >Takes her top off and we get busy. No f------ clue what I'm doing since I'm f------ 13, but apparently it's working. >About a week goes by. Going to nick's house every day after school. Doing the deed with his sister. >End of the week, she tells me we're done. My 13 year old self breaks down and cries. Calls her a c---, and leaves. >Next day, ignore nick all day. It's not his fault, but i can't go back. >Few days go by of the same thing. >He starts freaking out and causes a huge scene. >Calls me every s----- thing he can think of. Sperg.mov >lgnore him while he breaks down. >He punches me in the back of the head. >F--- it >"I only hung out with you so I could bang your sister. Now that I'm done, you're f------ useless to me." >Nick looks f------ shellshocked. >Day goes by. >He doesn't show up. >A week later. >Doesn't show up. >He f------ moved schools. Come to find out years later that his parents got divorced, and his sister got pregnant. Idk who the dad is, but time-wise it's not horribly far off from when we were f------ around.
File: EFXCE01UYAA8CSO.jpg (41 KB, 798x644) O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)14:33:04 No.846188522 [Reply] > >846194792 /b/ What's some f----- up s--- you did as a preteen/teen? I'll start. >Be me (m13) in 2011 >Kinda the center of my weeb friend group. >There's a kid that hangs around our area during lunch, but nobody talks to him. Name is Nick. >Tall lanky mf. Smells like his washing machine doesn't work. >My friend Taylor and I decide to befriend him. >We go over to his house in order to play halo reach. >Fun f------ game. >Hang out until 1 am. Taylor has to go home. I spend the night. >Nick has a 17 year old sister. 7/10. >Dude passes the f--- out, and his sister and I are alone. >Around 3 am, she grabs me by the hand after everyone's asleep, and brings me into their garage. >Takes her top off and we get busy. No f------ clue what I'm doing since I'm f------ 13, but apparently it's working. >About a week goes by. Going to nick's house every day after school. Doing the deed with his sister. >End of the week, she tells me we're done. My 13 year old self breaks down and cries. Calls her a c---, and leaves. >Next day, ignore nick all day. It's not his fault, but i can't go back. >Few days go by of the same thing. >He starts freaking out and causes a huge scene. >Calls me every s----- thing he can think of. Sperg.mov >lgnore him while he breaks down. >He punches me in the back of the head. >F--- it >"I only hung out with you so I could bang your sister. Now that I'm done, you're f------ useless to me." >Nick looks f------ shellshocked. >Day goes by. >He doesn't show up. >A week later. >Doesn't show up. >He f------ moved schools. Come to find out years later that his parents got divorced, and his sister got pregnant. Idk who the dad is, but time-wise it's not horribly far off from when we were f------ around.

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Job is work you do for other people | /r/Greentext

File: ogn33tg.jpg (26 KB, 400x400) Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)06:10:17 No.62005424 [Reply] >Play video games all day >think to myself that there must be more to life >get a job >realize that there isn't Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)06:16:27 No.62005474 then be so tired from work you cant even vidya fml O Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)06:18:32 No.62005494 whatever. I like sleeping more than video games anyways.
File: ogn33tg.jpg (26 KB, 400x400) Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)06:10:17 No.62005424 [Reply] >Play video games all day >think to myself that there must be more to life >get a job >realize that there isn't Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)06:16:27 No.62005474 then be so tired from work you cant even vidya fml O Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)06:18:32 No.62005494 whatever. I like sleeping more than video games anyways.

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