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Anon likes jesus | /r/Greentext

File: flat, 750x,075,f-pad,750x1(...).jpg (101 KB, 750x1000) Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)21:53:27 No.845921099 >>845921689 > be the son of God > come to earth > ????? > prophet >> Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)22:02:18 No.845921689 >>845921099 (OP) Nice
File: flat, 750x,075,f-pad,750x1(...).jpg (101 KB, 750x1000) Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)21:53:27 No.845921099 >>845921689 > be the son of God > come to earth > ????? > prophet >> Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)22:02:18 No.845921689 >>845921099 (OP) Nice

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Anon have the big gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/06/18(Thu)21:14:08 No.786762596 >be me >gay >have 6' 10" boyfriend >mfw i have the actual big gay 21 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/06/18(Thu)21:14:08 No.786762596 >be me >gay >have 6' 10" boyfriend >mfw i have the actual big gay 21 KB JPG

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Anon doesn't get shot | /r/Greentext

> be me > Canadian > go to school don't get shot
> be me > Canadian > go to school don't get shot

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Anon gets hit by a car | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)10:26:23 No.59554620 >be me >riding home on bicycle >see green light in my direction >assume it's safe to cross >get hit by car >roll over car's hood unharmed 96 KB JPG >car drags bicycle 15 feet >bike gets totaled >bike's repairs cost more than its worth >get new bike >car driver pays for old bike's repairs >new bike cost less than amount payed >I technically made money and got a new bike >10/10 would recommend getting hit by a car
: Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)10:26:23 No.59554620 >be me >riding home on bicycle >see green light in my direction >assume it's safe to cross >get hit by car >roll over car's hood unharmed 96 KB JPG >car drags bicycle 15 feet >bike gets totaled >bike's repairs cost more than its worth >get new bike >car driver pays for old bike's repairs >new bike cost less than amount payed >I technically made money and got a new bike >10/10 would recommend getting hit by a car

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4chan has been planning GameStonk since 2014 | /r/Greentext

File: 1395093168358.png-(305 KB, 495x470, 1394387815629.png) O First National Bank of Gamestop Anonymous 03/17/14(Mon)14:52 UTC-7 No.235956257 Replies: >>235956687 >>235956926 >>235956992 >>235957246 Does anyone else use Gamestop as a bank? I got really p----- off with US Bank because I kept overdrafting my account even though I opted out, and the same thing happened with my credit union when I got a debit card. Now whenever I get paid I go preorder a whole shitload of games. Whenever I need money, I go to the nearest gamestop and ask for my money back on a game I don't want and make a withdrawal. The lines are shorter at gamestop than at the bank and I can trade in old games and have money go straight to my savings account. Gamestops are just as prevalent as banks in my town and I work at a mall so it's even more convenient than running an errand to the bank or using an ATM and getting charged. The gamestop people are starting to catch on that I'm just moving money around and only buying one preordered game a year, if that, but there isn't s--- they can do about it. The best part is, since I always preorder every game coming out I'm still guaranteed to get all the exclusive content whether or not I'm sure I want a certain game. It's like they're rewarding me for banking with them. Anonymous 03/17/14(Mon)14:56 UTC-7 No.235956687 Replies: >>235957157 >>235956257 (OP) I can't decide if you're retarded or brilliant.
File: 1395093168358.png-(305 KB, 495x470, 1394387815629.png) O First National Bank of Gamestop Anonymous 03/17/14(Mon)14:52 UTC-7 No.235956257 Replies: >>235956687 >>235956926 >>235956992 >>235957246 Does anyone else use Gamestop as a bank? I got really p----- off with US Bank because I kept overdrafting my account even though I opted out, and the same thing happened with my credit union when I got a debit card. Now whenever I get paid I go preorder a whole shitload of games. Whenever I need money, I go to the nearest gamestop and ask for my money back on a game I don't want and make a withdrawal. The lines are shorter at gamestop than at the bank and I can trade in old games and have money go straight to my savings account. Gamestops are just as prevalent as banks in my town and I work at a mall so it's even more convenient than running an errand to the bank or using an ATM and getting charged. The gamestop people are starting to catch on that I'm just moving money around and only buying one preordered game a year, if that, but there isn't s--- they can do about it. The best part is, since I always preorder every game coming out I'm still guaranteed to get all the exclusive content whether or not I'm sure I want a certain game. It's like they're rewarding me for banking with them. Anonymous 03/17/14(Mon)14:56 UTC-7 No.235956687 Replies: >>235957157 >>235956257 (OP) I can't decide if you're retarded or brilliant.

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Anon is confused | /r/Greentext

File: 39ABCA24147E44F3945B69C0F9902B02.png (11 KB, 645x773) O Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)20:45:51 No.845900433 [Reply] >trap thread >d--- is clearly visible You know, they should look "passable as a girl" >> Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)20:48:10 No.845900589 we like traps not trannies Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)20:55:32 No.845901090 Its 2021. Any gender can have a penis. F-----
File: 39ABCA24147E44F3945B69C0F9902B02.png (11 KB, 645x773) O Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)20:45:51 No.845900433 [Reply] >trap thread >d--- is clearly visible You know, they should look "passable as a girl" >> Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)20:48:10 No.845900589 we like traps not trannies Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)20:55:32 No.845901090 Its 2021. Any gender can have a penis. F-----

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anon has a child | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)15:52:24 No.845908229 >be me >2 years ago >25, decent job ($40k/yr) >hit it off with this qt3.14 on tinder >six months together, she tells me she's pregnant >f---, okay, promise to support and be 6 KB JPG there the best parent I can >baby is born, we sign the birth certificate, go home >gf gets really distant >come home one day, she left with the baby >beg her to let me see my child >basically tells me to f--- off >try sending money to her for baby stuff >never deposits checks >out of the blue get summoned to court >says l'm a deadbeat and not contributing financially >court rules in her favor >start garnishing my pay, taking nearly 50% of my check >never get to see my child >eventually go to a doc to look into sterilization >they test my sperm count >tell me l'm infertile What the f--- do I do? I can't afford a lawyer, and I'm legally the father.
: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)15:52:24 No.845908229 >be me >2 years ago >25, decent job ($40k/yr) >hit it off with this qt3.14 on tinder >six months together, she tells me she's pregnant >f---, okay, promise to support and be 6 KB JPG there the best parent I can >baby is born, we sign the birth certificate, go home >gf gets really distant >come home one day, she left with the baby >beg her to let me see my child >basically tells me to f--- off >try sending money to her for baby stuff >never deposits checks >out of the blue get summoned to court >says l'm a deadbeat and not contributing financially >court rules in her favor >start garnishing my pay, taking nearly 50% of my check >never get to see my child >eventually go to a doc to look into sterilization >they test my sperm count >tell me l'm infertile What the f--- do I do? I can't afford a lawyer, and I'm legally the father.

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Anon gets into stocks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)22:44:43 No.845932582 >be me >just woke up literally this morning >decide today's the day to get into stocks >download RobinHood and try to do Pepe Market Decline some research >find out hedge fund managers are crying and s------- themselves 59 KB JPG >MaybeACrash?.WAV >the f--- on Reddit are just casually spending their life savings on GameStop I'm gonna invest my entire f------ pay check into blackberry at 7 tomorrow. Wish me luck you gay bois
: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)22:44:43 No.845932582 >be me >just woke up literally this morning >decide today's the day to get into stocks >download RobinHood and try to do Pepe Market Decline some research >find out hedge fund managers are crying and s------- themselves 59 KB JPG >MaybeACrash?.WAV >the f--- on Reddit are just casually spending their life savings on GameStop I'm gonna invest my entire f------ pay check into blackberry at 7 tomorrow. Wish me luck you gay bois

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Anon goes to college | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)00:28:08 No.845865422 >Be me at College >Wake up 6AM >Open zoom for online class >Listen for 3-5 hours straight >Procrastinate and browse Youtube and watch game trailers that my PC cannot handle 42 KB JPG >Do homework because I have nothing worth doing anyways >Everyday repeat is this college?
: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)00:28:08 No.845865422 >Be me at College >Wake up 6AM >Open zoom for online class >Listen for 3-5 hours straight >Procrastinate and browse Youtube and watch game trailers that my PC cannot handle 42 KB JPG >Do homework because I have nothing worth doing anyways >Everyday repeat is this college?

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Anon uses internet in Germany | /r/Greentext

File: nigga2.jpg (5 KB, 196x110) O Anonymous (ID: SIB9P+L3 ) 01/27/21(Wed)11:57:51 No.29762477 >be me >year 2021 >everyones talking s--- about humanity progressing to never before seen hights >you pay rent to vonovia >vonovia owns the house >vonovia >have internet problems >try to talk to the provider >provider is vodafone >f---.png >convince the useless technician monkeys to take a look >retards didn't find anything after actual 20 searches >change provider to telekom >they seem quite nice at first >nervoussmile.jpg >convince them to send over a technician >he actually spots the issue >saved.png >the issues is in the building itself >issue is a broken cable from cellar connector to my upper apartment >realize vonovia is now responsible >OHGRANDFUCK.jpg >try to contact vonovia >try to contact vonovia >try to convince vonovia >mfw vonovia doesn't give a s--- until major lawyer action Anonymous (ID: SxanYXim ) 01/27/21(Wed)11:59:11 No.29762482 Relatable Anonymous (ID: GK+6Z/a ) 01/27/21(Wed)12:11:19 No.29762512 sound like german internet
File: nigga2.jpg (5 KB, 196x110) O Anonymous (ID: SIB9P+L3 ) 01/27/21(Wed)11:57:51 No.29762477 >be me >year 2021 >everyones talking s--- about humanity progressing to never before seen hights >you pay rent to vonovia >vonovia owns the house >vonovia >have internet problems >try to talk to the provider >provider is vodafone >f---.png >convince the useless technician monkeys to take a look >retards didn't find anything after actual 20 searches >change provider to telekom >they seem quite nice at first >nervoussmile.jpg >convince them to send over a technician >he actually spots the issue >saved.png >the issues is in the building itself >issue is a broken cable from cellar connector to my upper apartment >realize vonovia is now responsible >OHGRANDFUCK.jpg >try to contact vonovia >try to contact vonovia >try to convince vonovia >mfw vonovia doesn't give a s--- until major lawyer action Anonymous (ID: SxanYXim ) 01/27/21(Wed)11:59:11 No.29762482 Relatable Anonymous (ID: GK+6Z/a ) 01/27/21(Wed)12:11:19 No.29762512 sound like german internet

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Anon is flat-earther | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Flat Earther >Friend works at NASA >Gives me a ticket to go to outer space >He said it'll change my views >Don'tbelievehim.png 65 KB JPG >Go to outer space >See that the Earth is round >wtfman.jpg >This can't be real >Realize NASA must have hacked my eyes
>Be me >Flat Earther >Friend works at NASA >Gives me a ticket to go to outer space >He said it'll change my views >Don'tbelievehim.png 65 KB JPG >Go to outer space >See that the Earth is round >wtfman.jpg >This can't be real >Realize NASA must have hacked my eyes

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Who will win? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Godzilla V Kong 01/26/21(Tue)22:00:01 No.145697163 How is Godzilla v King Kong even a thing? We all know how it's gonna go. Godzilla is going to call Kong the N word and then gets cancelled on twitter, what a stupid f------ movie. 32 KB PNG
: Anonymous Godzilla V Kong 01/26/21(Tue)22:00:01 No.145697163 How is Godzilla v King Kong even a thing? We all know how it's gonna go. Godzilla is going to call Kong the N word and then gets cancelled on twitter, what a stupid f------ movie. 32 KB PNG

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Anon plays oblivion | /r/Greentext

>>32186858 I actually laughed when I read this for some reason. I've modded Skyrim and Morrowind no problem, but Oblivion.. It's different. The rare times when I'm out in public (NEET)I ALWAYS stay within some semblance of 108 KB JPG dialogue within the game, it's fun to me. This was yesterday when I needed to get some cookies, a loaf of bread, and a few chicken breasts to make my favorite sandwich. >Bring all the items to the cashier >"Hi!" >"Greetings" >"Did you find everything ok?" >"Yes, and I've heard others say the same." >"Oh. That's good." >I had some other stuff on there besides my sandwich materials, so a few seconds of silence ensued. >"I saw a few geese outside of your store today. Filthy creatures." >"Oh, were they bothering anyone?" >"I steered clear of them." >She kept quiet after that, so I decided to try again. >"Any news from the other states?" >"Oh, um.. No?" >She was bagging at this point so she tried to ignore me. >Dropped my money on the ground trying to pay, she was trying to hold back a smirk. I know she didn't find me cute or anything because l'm 5"6 and 280 pounds >"Don't you have a wallet?" >"That's nothing I'd care to talk about" It was pretty uncomfortable. I'm just gonna keep sticking to the game
>>32186858 I actually laughed when I read this for some reason. I've modded Skyrim and Morrowind no problem, but Oblivion.. It's different. The rare times when I'm out in public (NEET)I ALWAYS stay within some semblance of 108 KB JPG dialogue within the game, it's fun to me. This was yesterday when I needed to get some cookies, a loaf of bread, and a few chicken breasts to make my favorite sandwich. >Bring all the items to the cashier >"Hi!" >"Greetings" >"Did you find everything ok?" >"Yes, and I've heard others say the same." >"Oh. That's good." >I had some other stuff on there besides my sandwich materials, so a few seconds of silence ensued. >"I saw a few geese outside of your store today. Filthy creatures." >"Oh, were they bothering anyone?" >"I steered clear of them." >She kept quiet after that, so I decided to try again. >"Any news from the other states?" >"Oh, um.. No?" >She was bagging at this point so she tried to ignore me. >Dropped my money on the ground trying to pay, she was trying to hold back a smirk. I know she didn't find me cute or anything because l'm 5"6 and 280 pounds >"Don't you have a wallet?" >"That's nothing I'd care to talk about" It was pretty uncomfortable. I'm just gonna keep sticking to the game

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anon has a guardian angel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt
: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt

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He said ask me anything | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)13:35:50 No.845899796 Hi, i'm Larry Lawton, Americas biggest jewel thief. I've come to 4chan to answer any questions you may have for my upcoming video. AMA. 193 KB PNG : Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)13:36:45 No.845899851 >>845899796 (OP)# Have you ever stuck a gem up your ass?
: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)13:35:50 No.845899796 Hi, i'm Larry Lawton, Americas biggest jewel thief. I've come to 4chan to answer any questions you may have for my upcoming video. AMA. 193 KB PNG : Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)13:36:45 No.845899851 >>845899796 (OP)# Have you ever stuck a gem up your ass?

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Anon gets suspended | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)21:58:34 No.845853041 >be me >16 y/o tard >have a bad sleeping problem >go to class sleep deprived and about to collapse >710 qt3.14 asks "anon are you feeling okay" >autism_activated.jpg >reach forward and grab her boob to feel it >"yes Im feeling just fine fine" >she stares at me in silence for several awkward moments >got suspended for a week >did I do good /b/ bros?
O Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)21:58:34 No.845853041 >be me >16 y/o tard >have a bad sleeping problem >go to class sleep deprived and about to collapse >710 qt3.14 asks "anon are you feeling okay" >autism_activated.jpg >reach forward and grab her boob to feel it >"yes Im feeling just fine fine" >she stares at me in silence for several awkward moments >got suspended for a week >did I do good /b/ bros?

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Anon goes to Subway | /r/Greentext

367982713408.jpg-(35 KB, 570x238, r-SUBWAY-FOOTLONG-SCANDAL-large570.jpg) Anonymous (ID: XSH1 YN11) 05/07/13(Tue)23:11:53 No.4785428 Subway stories thread. >be tonight >get off work after 12 hour day >hungry as s--- >decide to go to subway >go in >landwhale bitch behind counter >she's in the process of packaging up all of the sandwich fixins for the night >mutters "sorry we're closed" with the typical fat bitch attitude >double chin flutters as she speaks >say, "the sign says you close at 9" >she says "yeah well it closing time" >point to the clock on the wall, it's 8:23 >i just need a sandwich >she still wants to argue and tell me to leave >ask if i can speak to the manager >she then says "fine whaddayu want" >building shakes as waddles over to the bread >tell her i want a footlong club >she pulls out the sandwich stuff and start assembling the sandwich >f------ slaps all of the s--- on the sandwich and slams it down on the counter >then with the attitude asks "is that all sir?" >"i'd like just a little mayo" >she f------ pours half the bottle on the f------ sandwich >is this bitch serious? >"tell her no no no, i said a little mayo. you're gonna have to get a new piece of bread." >eventually she finishes the sandwich >f------ sloppiest looking sandwich i've ever seen >so sloppy a starving Ethiopian wouldnt touch >she starts ringing it up >there's no way i'm paying for this s--- >then have a great idea >"mam, I'm going to need four more sandwiches in addition to that" >she says "seriously?" >"yeah seriously" >go through the process of having her create 4 of the most godforsaken sandwiches man has ever seen >have her load each up with cheeses and double meat and ranch and mayo and all of the toppings and sauces >15 minutes later the fat bitch is finally done, shes enraged and sweaty from the workout i just gave her >tell her "sorry, i left my wallet in the car, i'll be right back" >never went back
367982713408.jpg-(35 KB, 570x238, r-SUBWAY-FOOTLONG-SCANDAL-large570.jpg) Anonymous (ID: XSH1 YN11) 05/07/13(Tue)23:11:53 No.4785428 Subway stories thread. >be tonight >get off work after 12 hour day >hungry as s--- >decide to go to subway >go in >landwhale bitch behind counter >she's in the process of packaging up all of the sandwich fixins for the night >mutters "sorry we're closed" with the typical fat bitch attitude >double chin flutters as she speaks >say, "the sign says you close at 9" >she says "yeah well it closing time" >point to the clock on the wall, it's 8:23 >i just need a sandwich >she still wants to argue and tell me to leave >ask if i can speak to the manager >she then says "fine whaddayu want" >building shakes as waddles over to the bread >tell her i want a footlong club >she pulls out the sandwich stuff and start assembling the sandwich >f------ slaps all of the s--- on the sandwich and slams it down on the counter >then with the attitude asks "is that all sir?" >"i'd like just a little mayo" >she f------ pours half the bottle on the f------ sandwich >is this bitch serious? >"tell her no no no, i said a little mayo. you're gonna have to get a new piece of bread." >eventually she finishes the sandwich >f------ sloppiest looking sandwich i've ever seen >so sloppy a starving Ethiopian wouldnt touch >she starts ringing it up >there's no way i'm paying for this s--- >then have a great idea >"mam, I'm going to need four more sandwiches in addition to that" >she says "seriously?" >"yeah seriously" >go through the process of having her create 4 of the most godforsaken sandwiches man has ever seen >have her load each up with cheeses and double meat and ranch and mayo and all of the toppings and sauces >15 minutes later the fat bitch is finally done, shes enraged and sweaty from the workout i just gave her >tell her "sorry, i left my wallet in the car, i'll be right back" >never went back

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Anon is suitable to average woman | /r/Greentext

: Anony Most women ugly 01/27/21(Wed)17:06:19 No.23493598 >Be me >See woman I find attractive >Spend any amount of time with said woman DEFICULTY >Life is beautiful >Realize l'm average man suitable 102 KB JPG to average woman >Realize average woman in my country is disgusting >Become depressed >Learn to live with the cards I was dealt >Become attractive through lifestyle and confidence alone >Average women seem even more keen on me and treat me like a catch >Be me >See pretty woman >Still not good enough >F--- >Keep being best me
: Anony Most women ugly 01/27/21(Wed)17:06:19 No.23493598 >Be me >See woman I find attractive >Spend any amount of time with said woman DEFICULTY >Life is beautiful >Realize l'm average man suitable 102 KB JPG to average woman >Realize average woman in my country is disgusting >Become depressed >Learn to live with the cards I was dealt >Become attractive through lifestyle and confidence alone >Average women seem even more keen on me and treat me like a catch >Be me >See pretty woman >Still not good enough >F--- >Keep being best me

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Anon too relatable | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)18:24:44 No.845645506 >text sent 5 hours ago >online 3 hours ago not even read why are woman like this 44 KB PNG
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)18:24:44 No.845645506 >text sent 5 hours ago >online 3 hours ago not even read why are woman like this 44 KB PNG

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Anon falls for the classic blunder | /r/Greentext

>>58065875 # Woah. that's E heavy cringe. I don't think I would date a woman under 6'3 >>58066044 # : Anonymous 10/24/20(Sat)23:15:35 No.58066044 >>58066018 # why do you keep writing sigma >>58066109 # >>58066463 # : Anonymous 10/24/20(Sat)23:52:07 No.58066463 >>58066044 # Σ balls
>>58065875 # Woah. that's E heavy cringe. I don't think I would date a woman under 6'3 >>58066044 # : Anonymous 10/24/20(Sat)23:15:35 No.58066044 >>58066018 # why do you keep writing sigma >>58066109 # >>58066463 # : Anonymous 10/24/20(Sat)23:52:07 No.58066463 >>58066044 # Σ balls

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