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anons class | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)21:53:26 No.845852780 >be me >in class >there are a couple of tards there >they have their own teacher >one day is drug awareness day >the tard teacher tells us sad 156 KB JPG story that one of her sons died from drug overdose and to never try them >a few days later the teacher is helping one of them with a problem >he says 'you have son died?" >she says yes >tards starts laughing >she sheds a tear Based tard
: Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)21:53:26 No.845852780 >be me >in class >there are a couple of tards there >they have their own teacher >one day is drug awareness day >the tard teacher tells us sad 156 KB JPG story that one of her sons died from drug overdose and to never try them >a few days later the teacher is helping one of them with a problem >he says 'you have son died?" >she says yes >tards starts laughing >she sheds a tear Based tard

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Anon's son has a learning experience | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)14:51:42 No.445695737 > >>445695890 >>445695971 >>445696053 >>445696151 >>445696291 >>445696546 >>445696745 >>445697028 >>445697050 >>445697341 >>445697413 File: 1506110399453.png (878 KB, 720x629) dunno if this counts as multiplayer >get home from work >kid is playing on my pc >told him before he should wait until im home >hes smart enough though he got the game running and everything >hes playing BF1942 online >he thought you needed to be on teamspeak to play >he's been talking to all my teamspeak mates for hours >try to stay calm and take the headset and ask them what they've been talking about >they say "the usual s--- why whats wrong" >my kid doesn't know any swear words yet hes 5 >these guys are a mix of vets and general shitlords >look down in horror >"Anonson have you been listening to my friends?" >'ye dad" >"And what have they been saying" >youve never heard á child say the kind of things he parroted back to me >"Anonson I will buy you anything you want for christmas if you don't ever repeat anything you heard them say ever again okay?" >"ok dad!" >"Go ask your mum whats for dinner" >sit down and put my head in my hands and hope he doesnt say anything >put headset back on and realize they've all been listening to this the entire time >hear about 50 people crying with laughter and when i look at the screen i see every single player in the game has stopped moving because everyones too busy laughing >see a plane crash into the ground because the pilot cant control himself >mfw WW2 grinds to a halt so everyone can laugh at me O Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)14:53:28 No.445695890 File: 1990038001032.jpg (27 KB, 306x406) >>445695737
Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)14:51:42 No.445695737 > >>445695890 >>445695971 >>445696053 >>445696151 >>445696291 >>445696546 >>445696745 >>445697028 >>445697050 >>445697341 >>445697413 File: 1506110399453.png (878 KB, 720x629) dunno if this counts as multiplayer >get home from work >kid is playing on my pc >told him before he should wait until im home >hes smart enough though he got the game running and everything >hes playing BF1942 online >he thought you needed to be on teamspeak to play >he's been talking to all my teamspeak mates for hours >try to stay calm and take the headset and ask them what they've been talking about >they say "the usual s--- why whats wrong" >my kid doesn't know any swear words yet hes 5 >these guys are a mix of vets and general shitlords >look down in horror >"Anonson have you been listening to my friends?" >'ye dad" >"And what have they been saying" >youve never heard á child say the kind of things he parroted back to me >"Anonson I will buy you anything you want for christmas if you don't ever repeat anything you heard them say ever again okay?" >"ok dad!" >"Go ask your mum whats for dinner" >sit down and put my head in my hands and hope he doesnt say anything >put headset back on and realize they've all been listening to this the entire time >hear about 50 people crying with laughter and when i look at the screen i see every single player in the game has stopped moving because everyones too busy laughing >see a plane crash into the ground because the pilot cant control himself >mfw WW2 grinds to a halt so everyone can laugh at me O Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)14:53:28 No.445695890 File: 1990038001032.jpg (27 KB, 306x406) >>445695737

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Anon goes to Gamestop | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)12:22:34 No.542077390 >>542071209 (OP) # >the year is 2022 >gamestop market cap is now valued at 50 billion dollars >visit my local gamestop >the smell of urine, body odor and 111 KB JPG energy drink burps, no longer present in the air, instead replaced by a trail of petunias and daffodils leading to the revolving door entrance >leave my coat with the doorman and check myself in before walking into the air conditioned 2,000 square foot three story building with valet service >immediately greeted by the sounds of Vivaldi's Spring performed by the shop's string quartet on the way in >walk past the marble water fountains and roman pillars to the used blu-ray aisle >pick up a $3 copy of the classic Nicolas Cage film Drive Angry >guy in a tuxedo at the checkout puts on his white gloves and bags it for me while I enjoy a spoonful of complimentary caviar >sign up for the preorder list of Kerbal Space Program 2 and leave my signature in the guestbook >bellboy carries my bag for me to the entrance and wishes me a good evening
: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)12:22:34 No.542077390 >>542071209 (OP) # >the year is 2022 >gamestop market cap is now valued at 50 billion dollars >visit my local gamestop >the smell of urine, body odor and 111 KB JPG energy drink burps, no longer present in the air, instead replaced by a trail of petunias and daffodils leading to the revolving door entrance >leave my coat with the doorman and check myself in before walking into the air conditioned 2,000 square foot three story building with valet service >immediately greeted by the sounds of Vivaldi's Spring performed by the shop's string quartet on the way in >walk past the marble water fountains and roman pillars to the used blu-ray aisle >pick up a $3 copy of the classic Nicolas Cage film Drive Angry >guy in a tuxedo at the checkout puts on his white gloves and bags it for me while I enjoy a spoonful of complimentary caviar >sign up for the preorder list of Kerbal Space Program 2 and leave my signature in the guestbook >bellboy carries my bag for me to the entrance and wishes me a good evening

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Anon is german | /r/Greentext

EnW1_HNWEAYTRWN~2.jpg 66 KB JPG >germans when you call it the toilet instead of the poopenfarten
EnW1_HNWEAYTRWN~2.jpg 66 KB JPG >germans when you call it the toilet instead of the poopenfarten

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Anon meets a skinwalker | /r/Greentext


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Anon considers respawning | /r/Greentext


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Anon shits on his teacher | /r/Greentext

>be me >live in s------- country >get acces to a computer early childhood >learn a little bit of english online >play various different online games and learn a little bit more >reach highschool >our school is one of the first ones to 79 KB JPG introduce english as a subject >backinthedays.webm >get english lessons >mfw my s----- online english is at least 10x better than that of the teacher >mfw everybody thinks I am some kind of Shakespeare
>be me >live in s------- country >get acces to a computer early childhood >learn a little bit of english online >play various different online games and learn a little bit more >reach highschool >our school is one of the first ones to 79 KB JPG introduce english as a subject >backinthedays.webm >get english lessons >mfw my s----- online english is at least 10x better than that of the teacher >mfw everybody thinks I am some kind of Shakespeare

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Anon loses family | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/25/15(Fri)14:08:30 No.659349701 >be 7 >living with mom and dad >one day men come and take me away from home >they put me in a concentration camp with others like me 71 KB JPG >we're put into groups based on race and height >stay there for a while >one day someone comes and buys me >they take me home and tie me up with wire >they stick hooks into me and slowly watch me die >they throw my body in the street >mfw im a christmas tree
: Anonymous 12/25/15(Fri)14:08:30 No.659349701 >be 7 >living with mom and dad >one day men come and take me away from home >they put me in a concentration camp with others like me 71 KB JPG >we're put into groups based on race and height >stay there for a while >one day someone comes and buys me >they take me home and tie me up with wire >they stick hooks into me and slowly watch me die >they throw my body in the street >mfw im a christmas tree

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Anon goes partying | /r/Greentext


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Anon gets buffaloed | /r/Greentext


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Anon is patriot | /r/Greentext


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Anon is good boy | /r/Greentext


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Anon's uncle is high af | /r/Greentext


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Anon misses high school | /r/Greentext


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Anon trains neck | /r/Greentext

File: imagem_2021-01-27_011759.png (802 KB, 2558x1439) O Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)06:48:50 No.59560705 >>59560726 >>59560746 >>59560998 >be me >train neck >hard to behead >be you >don't train neck >easy to behead >>>> O Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)06:51:21 No.59560746 ► >>59560982 >>59560705 (OP) >be you >have to suffer through two axe swings before beheaded >be me >only have to deal with the one swing without suffering
File: imagem_2021-01-27_011759.png (802 KB, 2558x1439) O Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)06:48:50 No.59560705 >>59560726 >>59560746 >>59560998 >be me >train neck >hard to behead >be you >don't train neck >easy to behead >>>> O Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)06:51:21 No.59560746 ► >>59560982 >>59560705 (OP) >be you >have to suffer through two axe swings before beheaded >be me >only have to deal with the one swing without suffering

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Damn boomers | /r/Greentext

>Be THC oil cartridge >Very popular among teens as it gets you extremely stoned and the smell dissipates faster than smoke 26 KB JPG >Kids are retarded and buy cheap cartridges from chinese Instagram accounts that ship directly to your house because they don't know how to use the darknet >Kids start getting sick by vaping low quality THC cartridges with dangerous ingredients >Big tobacco uses this as an opportunity to demonize all vapes, including nicotine vapes >boomers eat it up without question >Trump is set to ban vaping flavored nicotine juice >Cigarettes are still okay though Boomers are retarded. 237 Replies / 34 Images View Thread
>Be THC oil cartridge >Very popular among teens as it gets you extremely stoned and the smell dissipates faster than smoke 26 KB JPG >Kids are retarded and buy cheap cartridges from chinese Instagram accounts that ship directly to your house because they don't know how to use the darknet >Kids start getting sick by vaping low quality THC cartridges with dangerous ingredients >Big tobacco uses this as an opportunity to demonize all vapes, including nicotine vapes >boomers eat it up without question >Trump is set to ban vaping flavored nicotine juice >Cigarettes are still okay though Boomers are retarded. 237 Replies / 34 Images View Thread

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Anon is rich | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: zoW9Bkss 01/27/21(Wed)07:31:18 No.26635352 >told gf l'd get a job >decided to learn how to trade stocks instead during 2020 >bought 100 shares of gme and some gme options >gf said l'd never make it in life and that my way of "getting to the top" is flawed 33 KB JPG >she breakups with me for some random discord dude she met online >3 months later l'm now rich Should I tell her I've made it? or keep it to myself also l'm in AMC now
: Anonymous (ID: zoW9Bkss 01/27/21(Wed)07:31:18 No.26635352 >told gf l'd get a job >decided to learn how to trade stocks instead during 2020 >bought 100 shares of gme and some gme options >gf said l'd never make it in life and that my way of "getting to the top" is flawed 33 KB JPG >she breakups with me for some random discord dude she met online >3 months later l'm now rich Should I tell her I've made it? or keep it to myself also l'm in AMC now

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Anon knows the law | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)11:30:40 No.145709376 >>145709109_(OP)_# If it's the day before their 18th birthday, American courts see them as 18. There was a whole legal precedent set in WW1 because some kid wanted to go to war but they said you're not 18 and he successfully argued that because it was the day before his bodysuit birthday and he was born on day 1 (not day zero) he was 18 years of age. The courts agreed that the day before your 18th birthday, your 17 years and 365 days old, or 18. I'll try to find the case but it's really interesting. >>145709640 # >>145709699 # >>145709881 # : Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)11:42:24 No.145709640 >>145709376 # nerd
: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)11:30:40 No.145709376 >>145709109_(OP)_# If it's the day before their 18th birthday, American courts see them as 18. There was a whole legal precedent set in WW1 because some kid wanted to go to war but they said you're not 18 and he successfully argued that because it was the day before his bodysuit birthday and he was born on day 1 (not day zero) he was 18 years of age. The courts agreed that the day before your 18th birthday, your 17 years and 365 days old, or 18. I'll try to find the case but it's really interesting. >>145709640 # >>145709699 # >>145709881 # : Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)11:42:24 No.145709640 >>145709376 # nerd

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Anon is satisfied | /r/Greentext

File: J4qXoO6.jpg (20 KB, 300x300) Happy feels thread Happy Anonymous 04/11/18(Wed)16:02:07 No.44612105 >Be me today >Walking home >See that grapes are cheap >Buy grapes >Eat grapes while walking >Be me, satisfied 1 replies omitted. Click here to view. O Anonymous 04/11/18(Wed)16:05:19 No.44612177 >>44612105 >listen to music >i like music >it's good music >thank you music O Anonymous 04/11/18(Wed)16:06:10 No.44612204 >>44612105 >Imagine being this easy to satisfy Anonymous 04/11/18(Wed)16:06:55 No.44612223 >be me depressed the whole day > Sees anon on r9k is happy > Feels happy for anon >No longer depressed >Thank you anon
File: J4qXoO6.jpg (20 KB, 300x300) Happy feels thread Happy Anonymous 04/11/18(Wed)16:02:07 No.44612105 >Be me today >Walking home >See that grapes are cheap >Buy grapes >Eat grapes while walking >Be me, satisfied 1 replies omitted. Click here to view. O Anonymous 04/11/18(Wed)16:05:19 No.44612177 >>44612105 >listen to music >i like music >it's good music >thank you music O Anonymous 04/11/18(Wed)16:06:10 No.44612204 >>44612105 >Imagine being this easy to satisfy Anonymous 04/11/18(Wed)16:06:55 No.44612223 >be me depressed the whole day > Sees anon on r9k is happy > Feels happy for anon >No longer depressed >Thank you anon

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Femanon tries to get an abortion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/20/18(Sat)20:10:24 No.782820861 >Be me >17 fem >Try to get abotion >Start to hear whispers in my ear >Look behind me >Needle goes into my throat and I get knocked out 7 KB JPG >Wake up >Im tied to a chair >Look around >See Ben Shapiro >Pulls bat out >Hits me so hard I cant move >Takes the baby out, no painkiller >Says "Libtard, I will raise this baby" >Bleed and die in the middle of nowhere >All I see is ben sapiro chant a magic spell, and the baby grows into a clone of Ben Shapiro >I die a few minutes later
: Anonymous 10/20/18(Sat)20:10:24 No.782820861 >Be me >17 fem >Try to get abotion >Start to hear whispers in my ear >Look behind me >Needle goes into my throat and I get knocked out 7 KB JPG >Wake up >Im tied to a chair >Look around >See Ben Shapiro >Pulls bat out >Hits me so hard I cant move >Takes the baby out, no painkiller >Says "Libtard, I will raise this baby" >Bleed and die in the middle of nowhere >All I see is ben sapiro chant a magic spell, and the baby grows into a clone of Ben Shapiro >I die a few minutes later

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