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Anon gets engaged | /r/Greentext

File: myfiance.jpg (123 KB, 588x603) O Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)19:40:55 No.845481235 [Reply] >>845481253 SHE SAID YES! Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)19:41:20 No.845481253 >>845481235 (OP) >Do you want to go to McDonald's?
File: myfiance.jpg (123 KB, 588x603) O Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)19:40:55 No.845481235 [Reply] >>845481253 SHE SAID YES! Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)19:41:20 No.845481253 >>845481235 (OP) >Do you want to go to McDonald's?

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Anon might have covid now | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)04:33:46 No.845476978 >bought a bottle of coconut milk from the store >thirsty so take a swing without paying much attention >realize the seal never broke 9 KB JPG >look inside, see the tinfoil cover broken in when I never touched it What are the chances I have covid now? 6 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)04:33:46 No.845476978 >bought a bottle of coconut milk from the store >thirsty so take a swing without paying much attention >realize the seal never broke 9 KB JPG >look inside, see the tinfoil cover broken in when I never touched it What are the chances I have covid now? 6 Replies View Thread

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Anon needs help | /r/Greentext

Very important send help asap 12/25/18(Tue)22:43:57 No.50043828 REEE EE tenor.gif 111 KB GIF The R--- Dwarf Returns >wake up at 4 >go to washroom >noisesinthewall.mp3 >oh s--- not again >rush to the basement faster than a n----- with a TV >pull out my ak47 >switchtofullauto.rar >noises coming closer >sounds of d---- being dragged through the walls intensifies every second >now from all directions >"Oh s--- he's got reinforcements" >tardstrength kicks in >empty the entire 100 round mag into the basement walls >bloodeverywhere.png >hear "Ho Ho Ho" sounds fading away into a distance >count the bodies >7 bastards dead,with their enormous d---- dangling out of their Christmas themed boxers >l'm a little injured with the acid c------- they threw at me >I'm not sure how long I can hold on. >Need meds,ammo and food Send help guys
Very important send help asap 12/25/18(Tue)22:43:57 No.50043828 REEE EE tenor.gif 111 KB GIF The R--- Dwarf Returns >wake up at 4 >go to washroom >noisesinthewall.mp3 >oh s--- not again >rush to the basement faster than a n----- with a TV >pull out my ak47 >switchtofullauto.rar >noises coming closer >sounds of d---- being dragged through the walls intensifies every second >now from all directions >"Oh s--- he's got reinforcements" >tardstrength kicks in >empty the entire 100 round mag into the basement walls >bloodeverywhere.png >hear "Ho Ho Ho" sounds fading away into a distance >count the bodies >7 bastards dead,with their enormous d---- dangling out of their Christmas themed boxers >l'm a little injured with the acid c------- they threw at me >I'm not sure how long I can hold on. >Need meds,ammo and food Send help guys

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Anon can't reach next stage | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/16/18(Mon)21:23:24 No.774541587 >be me >charming enough for girls to hang out with me >not charming enough for girls to want to date me >aware enough to realize that i dont have a chance 22 KB JPG >autistic enough to keep having in-depth conversations with her in my head
: Anonymous 07/16/18(Mon)21:23:24 No.774541587 >be me >charming enough for girls to hang out with me >not charming enough for girls to want to date me >aware enough to realize that i dont have a chance 22 KB JPG >autistic enough to keep having in-depth conversations with her in my head

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Anon gets nervous | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)01:56:55 No.845539312 >in class >sitting really close to crush >she's looked at me a couple times like she was trying to figure me out >when I look back she blinks quickly and looks away 195 KB JPG >whenever I walk by her she seems to get shifty in her seat, and blinks even quicker while looking dead ahead >trying not to look at me >I decide to approach her and when I get close enough she looks at me, blinking even more, and even starting to turn red >I get to her desk and kneel down to talk to her >her face is really red now >with a breathy tone I tell her how beautiful she is, and her eyes water as she gives me a coy smile >her face is really red >now it's blue >she passes out >mfw I remember I haven't showered or brushed my teeth in like 3 weeks
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)01:56:55 No.845539312 >in class >sitting really close to crush >she's looked at me a couple times like she was trying to figure me out >when I look back she blinks quickly and looks away 195 KB JPG >whenever I walk by her she seems to get shifty in her seat, and blinks even quicker while looking dead ahead >trying not to look at me >I decide to approach her and when I get close enough she looks at me, blinking even more, and even starting to turn red >I get to her desk and kneel down to talk to her >her face is really red now >with a breathy tone I tell her how beautiful she is, and her eyes water as she gives me a coy smile >her face is really red >now it's blue >she passes out >mfw I remember I haven't showered or brushed my teeth in like 3 weeks

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anon is alpha | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/04/21(Mon)05:53:46 No.59183897 >be me 17 y/o >just started lifting >would ride bike to gym nearby >had an excellent upper body session >on my bike going through parking lot to head home >decide to do a side chest pose in a car 59 KB JPG window >as I'm holding the pose I start to squint and look closer >car is full of people >alpha as f--- >>59183933 # >>59184338 # >>59187800 # >>59189318 # >>59189337 # >>59189353 # >>59191105 # >>59195683 #
: Anonymous 01/04/21(Mon)05:53:46 No.59183897 >be me 17 y/o >just started lifting >would ride bike to gym nearby >had an excellent upper body session >on my bike going through parking lot to head home >decide to do a side chest pose in a car 59 KB JPG window >as I'm holding the pose I start to squint and look closer >car is full of people >alpha as f--- >>59183933 # >>59184338 # >>59187800 # >>59189318 # >>59189337 # >>59189353 # >>59191105 # >>59195683 #

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It is rape dwarf season | /r/Greentext

>Be me >chilling in the bathtub >pull up a p--- and grab lotion Finna jerk it >run water while doing it >suddenly water starts turning white and sticky 196 KB JPG w--.jpg >hear some weird scratching >turn off water >can hear it better >recognize the sound >that dragging sound in the walls >l've heard it before >nozzle bursts and 2 r--- dwarves shoot out >grip my c--- >start sword fighting with d---- >catch one off guard and wack it outcold.jpg >the other one bites my d--- >i instantly c-- >the orgasm distracts me >r--- dwarf jumps on my face and starts c------ in my nostrils >grab him with right hand and squeeze the f----- as hard as I can >explodes into green slime Not even the pipes are safe, which means no more water. Gonna have to drink my own piss from now on. Wish me luck bois
>Be me >chilling in the bathtub >pull up a p--- and grab lotion Finna jerk it >run water while doing it >suddenly water starts turning white and sticky 196 KB JPG w--.jpg >hear some weird scratching >turn off water >can hear it better >recognize the sound >that dragging sound in the walls >l've heard it before >nozzle bursts and 2 r--- dwarves shoot out >grip my c--- >start sword fighting with d---- >catch one off guard and wack it outcold.jpg >the other one bites my d--- >i instantly c-- >the orgasm distracts me >r--- dwarf jumps on my face and starts c------ in my nostrils >grab him with right hand and squeeze the f----- as hard as I can >explodes into green slime Not even the pipes are safe, which means no more water. Gonna have to drink my own piss from now on. Wish me luck bois

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Anon updates his car warranty | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)23:12:59 No.845495295 >taking s--- >get phone call >"hello?" >automated reply about car warranty >very obviously spam >"please press 5 to speak to a specialist" >any chance to tell an Indian to kill themselves 246 KB PNG >press 5 and wait >pajeeta picks up, starts speaking >asks make and model of car >yadda yadda >"I'm going to transfer you to a specialist now" >"um okay" >start thinking of all the horrible names I'm going to call him >hyping myself up >guy picks up >whitest male voice I have ever heard >completely caught off guard >"i-is this a human?" >"yes sir I am a human, now about your warranty..." >compliment him on his accent and he hangs up What the f---, India superpower status imminent
: Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)23:12:59 No.845495295 >taking s--- >get phone call >"hello?" >automated reply about car warranty >very obviously spam >"please press 5 to speak to a specialist" >any chance to tell an Indian to kill themselves 246 KB PNG >press 5 and wait >pajeeta picks up, starts speaking >asks make and model of car >yadda yadda >"I'm going to transfer you to a specialist now" >"um okay" >start thinking of all the horrible names I'm going to call him >hyping myself up >guy picks up >whitest male voice I have ever heard >completely caught off guard >"i-is this a human?" >"yes sir I am a human, now about your warranty..." >compliment him on his accent and he hangs up What the f---, India superpower status imminent

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If you were in this situation, What would you do? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:56:57 No.59480883 >get KO'd by a girl in full contact kickboxing match >hugs me after fight out of pity, chats with me for a long time after, teaches me some moves >she's just 14 >i'm a 19 yr old guy i want to kill myself out of shame 43 KB JPG Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:58:01 No.59480897 >>59480883 (OP) aive her bandcuffs and let her fiuck voU
Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:56:57 No.59480883 >get KO'd by a girl in full contact kickboxing match >hugs me after fight out of pity, chats with me for a long time after, teaches me some moves >she's just 14 >i'm a 19 yr old guy i want to kill myself out of shame 43 KB JPG Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:58:01 No.59480897 >>59480883 (OP) aive her bandcuffs and let her fiuck voU

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Anon Fucks Up | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)20:48:05 No.845518188 v >>845518306 >8 Guys I might have f----- up >Be me >6 months ago >finally get a stable job at mcdonalds >4 days ago, old guy come through drive through >When he pays, I can see his name on the card >ldea.jpeg >"How's your evening going, Mr. (Last name) >"It's been ok, how did you know my name" >Didn't expect this, autism kicks in >"You should lock your door at night" >He drives away >l got fired today. Why does this always happen to me?
O Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)20:48:05 No.845518188 v >>845518306 >8 Guys I might have f----- up >Be me >6 months ago >finally get a stable job at mcdonalds >4 days ago, old guy come through drive through >When he pays, I can see his name on the card >ldea.jpeg >"How's your evening going, Mr. (Last name) >"It's been ok, how did you know my name" >Didn't expect this, autism kicks in >"You should lock your door at night" >He drives away >l got fired today. Why does this always happen to me?

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anon sends the wrong image | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/21 (Fri)19:42:01 No.845509604 580ff668a840367b4d625eaaafb1814174ff88bbee5b968fbef4594 12 KB JPG >accidentally send mom d--- pic >she texts back 'fake and gay' >mfw mom still thinks thats a funny reply
: Anonymous 01/22/21 (Fri)19:42:01 No.845509604 580ff668a840367b4d625eaaafb1814174ff88bbee5b968fbef4594 12 KB JPG >accidentally send mom d--- pic >she texts back 'fake and gay' >mfw mom still thinks thats a funny reply

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Anons parents go to a party | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/07/19(Sun)13:28:51 No.53265142 The dwarf > Be me, home alone > parents arr at a party > midnight, hear someone come inside >I call out "how was the party?" > no response... > get a text from my mom saying they're staying the night at their 393 KB JPG friends house > oh f--- > hear something coming upstairs > It giggles > with each step I hear its c--- thump on the stairs The r--- dwarf is coming Help me anons
: Anonymous 07/07/19(Sun)13:28:51 No.53265142 The dwarf > Be me, home alone > parents arr at a party > midnight, hear someone come inside >I call out "how was the party?" > no response... > get a text from my mom saying they're staying the night at their 393 KB JPG friends house > oh f--- > hear something coming upstairs > It giggles > with each step I hear its c--- thump on the stairs The r--- dwarf is coming Help me anons

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Annon gets d sucked | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 51 minutes ago 43297510 >be me >c-- into toilet >flush >c-- gets to sewage >then to ocean >c-- in ocean >gets hot >evaporates >rain in russia >gets bottled >sold >qt3.14 drinks it >technically sucked my d--- Later, virgins 2 REPLIES
Anonymous 51 minutes ago 43297510 >be me >c-- into toilet >flush >c-- gets to sewage >then to ocean >c-- in ocean >gets hot >evaporates >rain in russia >gets bottled >sold >qt3.14 drinks it >technically sucked my d--- Later, virgins 2 REPLIES

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Anon takes risks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)10:31:59 No.845480656 >was in a rush to the office >tummy did a rumbly >decide I don't need to worry about it or stop >get stuck in traffic on way to office >3 car accident up stopping traffic completely 60 KB JPG >tummy does another rumbly >feel cold chills in my stomach >realize I have to diarrhea s--- >start to squeeze my butthole with all my might >traffic starts moving >finally >holding on for dear life >already late can't stop need to s--- at office >get to office >sweating >panic >fear >rush myself into the restroom >someone's in the toilet >absolute emergency >check women's bathroom >occupied >f--- l'm out of options >decide to s--- it mens urinal >it's my last hope >start rocket blasting the urinal with forces unknown to man >companies owner walks out of bathroom stall and looks at me >just keeps walking doesn't say a word >doesn't even wash his hands >finish up >enter office with shame >manager calls me in >sends me home said he'll call me later >pretty sure I just lost my job for s------- in a urinal
: Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)10:31:59 No.845480656 >was in a rush to the office >tummy did a rumbly >decide I don't need to worry about it or stop >get stuck in traffic on way to office >3 car accident up stopping traffic completely 60 KB JPG >tummy does another rumbly >feel cold chills in my stomach >realize I have to diarrhea s--- >start to squeeze my butthole with all my might >traffic starts moving >finally >holding on for dear life >already late can't stop need to s--- at office >get to office >sweating >panic >fear >rush myself into the restroom >someone's in the toilet >absolute emergency >check women's bathroom >occupied >f--- l'm out of options >decide to s--- it mens urinal >it's my last hope >start rocket blasting the urinal with forces unknown to man >companies owner walks out of bathroom stall and looks at me >just keeps walking doesn't say a word >doesn't even wash his hands >finish up >enter office with shame >manager calls me in >sends me home said he'll call me later >pretty sure I just lost my job for s------- in a urinal

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anon is in gym class | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/21 (Fri)19:15:59 No.845507560 >in P.E class >run into wall| >scrape d--- >start to cry >cute mommy coach walks over >whats wrong anon? You got a boo boo?' 57 KB JPG >pulls down my pants and kisses the head of my fractured weewee >'better?" >i nod >mfw i try to go back for seconds but get stuck behind line of male students claiming to have d--- injuries You f------! This was my idea!!
: Anonymous 01/22/21 (Fri)19:15:59 No.845507560 >in P.E class >run into wall| >scrape d--- >start to cry >cute mommy coach walks over >whats wrong anon? You got a boo boo?' 57 KB JPG >pulls down my pants and kisses the head of my fractured weewee >'better?" >i nod >mfw i try to go back for seconds but get stuck behind line of male students claiming to have d--- injuries You f------! This was my idea!!

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Anon gets a retweet | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 03/07/19(Thu)10:54:32 No.51327615 I just got a Twitter retweet It's the first I got that I'm happy 1.66 MB PNG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 03/07/19(Thu)10:55:43 No.51327621 >>51327615 (OP) # Shut the f--- up you stupid retard
| Anonymous 03/07/19(Thu)10:54:32 No.51327615 I just got a Twitter retweet It's the first I got that I'm happy 1.66 MB PNG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 03/07/19(Thu)10:55:43 No.51327621 >>51327615 (OP) # Shut the f--- up you stupid retard

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Anon have addiction problem | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)02:22:57 No.845499962 >Be me 17 >Obsessed with being viewed as the psycho kid at school >Get my ass kicked a couple times and get the respect of a deaf cholo dude on campus >he offers me some heroin >Im cool I'm down for whatever 47 KB JPG >Hooked as f--- >Pulling giant turds out of my bleeding ass after not s------- for a month and then still cooking up hooked 4 years later >try to rip off some s----- yuppie in santa monica >wrong f----- one, it's a cop >jail for 3 years at long beach correctional, not as big of a deal as movies make it out to be. >mostly just read books and worked out >get out with heavy restrictions >halfway house, 3 NA meetings a day, can't be seen with any associated felons.. the whole works. >finally get out and set up for my first night in the halfway house >manager walks in and literally bitch slaps me >put one hand on me and ill have yo white ass back in jail ya hear? >d------- manager and r---- ass jungle roommates. great. whatever, as long as i get through this >go to my first NA meeting >we're supposed to introduce ourselves for a few minutes during the meeting if we're new >mfw some kid literally spends the whole f------ 2 hours talking about how he was addicted to gaming
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)02:22:57 No.845499962 >Be me 17 >Obsessed with being viewed as the psycho kid at school >Get my ass kicked a couple times and get the respect of a deaf cholo dude on campus >he offers me some heroin >Im cool I'm down for whatever 47 KB JPG >Hooked as f--- >Pulling giant turds out of my bleeding ass after not s------- for a month and then still cooking up hooked 4 years later >try to rip off some s----- yuppie in santa monica >wrong f----- one, it's a cop >jail for 3 years at long beach correctional, not as big of a deal as movies make it out to be. >mostly just read books and worked out >get out with heavy restrictions >halfway house, 3 NA meetings a day, can't be seen with any associated felons.. the whole works. >finally get out and set up for my first night in the halfway house >manager walks in and literally bitch slaps me >put one hand on me and ill have yo white ass back in jail ya hear? >d------- manager and r---- ass jungle roommates. great. whatever, as long as i get through this >go to my first NA meeting >we're supposed to introduce ourselves for a few minutes during the meeting if we're new >mfw some kid literally spends the whole f------ 2 hours talking about how he was addicted to gaming

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Anon asks a great question | /r/Greentext


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Anon talks god | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)12:52:12 No.61970982 >imagine the worst moment you had in your life >multiply that by a thousand and add constant and terrible physical pain BUSH CHENEY 2004 426 KB PNG >billions of people around the world believe that there is a god >this god is allegedly the purest form of good there is. the most belevolent being ever to exist >however, he throws you into this state you imagined if you refuse to believe in him, even though most facts that exist in the world he created point to him not existing at all wild
: Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)12:52:12 No.61970982 >imagine the worst moment you had in your life >multiply that by a thousand and add constant and terrible physical pain BUSH CHENEY 2004 426 KB PNG >billions of people around the world believe that there is a god >this god is allegedly the purest form of good there is. the most belevolent being ever to exist >however, he throws you into this state you imagined if you refuse to believe in him, even though most facts that exist in the world he created point to him not existing at all wild

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Anon is very talented doctor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/22/17(Wed)05:28:01 No.75172441 >Be me rich doctor with kick-ass mask >Be walking to cathedral to show peasant f--- my expertise >Strolling down the street smacking peasants with my awesome doctor beating stick 31 KB JPG >Lifeisgood.tapestry >Finally arrive at cathedral >Everyone excited I, the very talented doctor, am here >I stroll up to the podium >"What is it that ails you lowly creatures?" I ask in my scary doctor voice >Lady peasant raises her hand >"Ah, yes you! What ails thee repulsive serf creature?" >"My throat m'lord... it hurts whenever I swallow" >"Ah yes! I know exactly what ails thee" >Have no f------ idea what the problem is >Timetofuckingwingit.lutesuite >Have her come to the front of the room >Nervously stall for time as I search my sweet new doctor bag >Settle on knife >Tell stupid peasant bitch that her throat has too much blood in it and it needs to be drained >The audience is loving this s--- >Lay her down on table >"Behold!" >Slice neck open >Ohshit.parchment >Blood spurts across the table >Stupid w---- is squirming and bleeding everywhere >Finally stops moving and bleeding >l turn around and bow >F------ nailed it >They ask if she's dead >I call them addlepated fools and explain she's simply relaxed and will awaken within the hour >Audience nods in approval >Get paid sweet medieval bitcoin >Gtfo as quick as possible >Can't come back to this town >Buy even pointier doctor stick
: Anonymous 11/22/17(Wed)05:28:01 No.75172441 >Be me rich doctor with kick-ass mask >Be walking to cathedral to show peasant f--- my expertise >Strolling down the street smacking peasants with my awesome doctor beating stick 31 KB JPG >Lifeisgood.tapestry >Finally arrive at cathedral >Everyone excited I, the very talented doctor, am here >I stroll up to the podium >"What is it that ails you lowly creatures?" I ask in my scary doctor voice >Lady peasant raises her hand >"Ah, yes you! What ails thee repulsive serf creature?" >"My throat m'lord... it hurts whenever I swallow" >"Ah yes! I know exactly what ails thee" >Have no f------ idea what the problem is >Timetofuckingwingit.lutesuite >Have her come to the front of the room >Nervously stall for time as I search my sweet new doctor bag >Settle on knife >Tell stupid peasant bitch that her throat has too much blood in it and it needs to be drained >The audience is loving this s--- >Lay her down on table >"Behold!" >Slice neck open >Ohshit.parchment >Blood spurts across the table >Stupid w---- is squirming and bleeding everywhere >Finally stops moving and bleeding >l turn around and bow >F------ nailed it >They ask if she's dead >I call them addlepated fools and explain she's simply relaxed and will awaken within the hour >Audience nods in approval >Get paid sweet medieval bitcoin >Gtfo as quick as possible >Can't come back to this town >Buy even pointier doctor stick

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