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Anon goes to the restroom. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)14:05:37 No.846144088 >take s--- in school bathroom during lunch >kids come into the bathroom talking about naruto saying the n word >one of them noticed you taking a s--- >they all go quiet >a good 5 seconds of silence passes by 4 KB JPG before the first wet paper towel gracefully flies over the stall wall >be victim to a barrage of wet paper towels for a good 10 seconds >once the barrage stops they start banging on the stall doors and making noises >"look at this f----- retard taking a s---" >you can only sit in silence as they laugh >they all frantically scatter out of the bathroom while chuckling >you hear slow footsteps coming back >the lights flicker off as the last man scurries away laughing uncontrollably >engulfed in darkness
: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)14:05:37 No.846144088 >take s--- in school bathroom during lunch >kids come into the bathroom talking about naruto saying the n word >one of them noticed you taking a s--- >they all go quiet >a good 5 seconds of silence passes by 4 KB JPG before the first wet paper towel gracefully flies over the stall wall >be victim to a barrage of wet paper towels for a good 10 seconds >once the barrage stops they start banging on the stall doors and making noises >"look at this f----- retard taking a s---" >you can only sit in silence as they laugh >they all frantically scatter out of the bathroom while chuckling >you hear slow footsteps coming back >the lights flicker off as the last man scurries away laughing uncontrollably >engulfed in darkness

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Anon sees an animal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)05:51:10 No.138631166 20210129 224615.jpg 1.05 MB JPG >go hiking at the park >see this
: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)05:51:10 No.138631166 20210129 224615.jpg 1.05 MB JPG >go hiking at the park >see this

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Suspect still at large, name unknown | /r/Greentext

File: template-when-the-imposte(...).png (383 KB, 640x640) U Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)10:25:39 No.62097660 [Reply] >>62098405 >>62099323 >be me talking with a girl >she opens up about her relationship with her father >she tells me she saw him some days ago basically sexting some other woman (her parents are still married) >asks me what do i think she should do >my braindead ass thinks i should make her laugh so she feels better >think among us is basically normie level mainstream now >literally text her "your father is actin kinda sus" and i send her this picture >she isnt responding to my messages now >its been 4 days why am i like this 8 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. O Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)11:38:22 No.62098405 File: streamer.png (117 KB, 247x207) >>62097660 (OP) >when daddy diddles the woman O Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)12:47:40 No.62099149 File: when.jpg (863 KB, 750x871) The problem is that you did'nt use the metalbro version. Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)12:58:45 No.62099245 File: 1611932076875.jpg (16 KB, 480x360) when dad is sus
File: template-when-the-imposte(...).png (383 KB, 640x640) U Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)10:25:39 No.62097660 [Reply] >>62098405 >>62099323 >be me talking with a girl >she opens up about her relationship with her father >she tells me she saw him some days ago basically sexting some other woman (her parents are still married) >asks me what do i think she should do >my braindead ass thinks i should make her laugh so she feels better >think among us is basically normie level mainstream now >literally text her "your father is actin kinda sus" and i send her this picture >she isnt responding to my messages now >its been 4 days why am i like this 8 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. O Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)11:38:22 No.62098405 File: streamer.png (117 KB, 247x207) >>62097660 (OP) >when daddy diddles the woman O Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)12:47:40 No.62099149 File: when.jpg (863 KB, 750x871) The problem is that you did'nt use the metalbro version. Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)12:58:45 No.62099245 File: 1611932076875.jpg (16 KB, 480x360) when dad is sus

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Nothing burger | /r/Greentext

File: e66.png (378 KB, 640x1142) O Times you got misgendered Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)10:21:24 No.62097614 [Reply] >>62097992 OVE ME >>62099083 Post times you got misgendered: >at a party once >have long hair, skinny, short with baby face >hanging out with a female friend and another male friend who is smoking >a neighbor comes and offers a trade >he would like some smokes and he will give us a burger or two he was cooking in his apartment >friend says ok and trades >"any burgers for the pretty ladies?" >female friend starts laughing NOW. HUH? >"he's a boy dude" >burger guy gets flustered, stammers out a sorry and I laugh and tell him all good >say I want a burger too btw >get burger in the end
File: e66.png (378 KB, 640x1142) O Times you got misgendered Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)10:21:24 No.62097614 [Reply] >>62097992 OVE ME >>62099083 Post times you got misgendered: >at a party once >have long hair, skinny, short with baby face >hanging out with a female friend and another male friend who is smoking >a neighbor comes and offers a trade >he would like some smokes and he will give us a burger or two he was cooking in his apartment >friend says ok and trades >"any burgers for the pretty ladies?" >female friend starts laughing NOW. HUH? >"he's a boy dude" >burger guy gets flustered, stammers out a sorry and I laugh and tell him all good >say I want a burger too btw >get burger in the end

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anon gets fired | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)12:43:42 No.846132394 >job won't give me raise >decide to strike back >c-- in gravy >get fired from elementary school chef position 52 KB PNG
: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)12:43:42 No.846132394 >job won't give me raise >decide to strike back >c-- in gravy >get fired from elementary school chef position 52 KB PNG

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Anon is European | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)10:35:39 No.846125348 >be European, go outside >see euro peein in the streets >day ruined 15 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)10:35:39 No.846125348 >be European, go outside >see euro peein in the streets >day ruined 15 KB JPG

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that's actually kinda genius | /r/Greentext

File: 1338635025178.jpg-(22 KB, 253x256, 1330291018611.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: JR83QLK5) 06/02/12(Sat)07:03:45 No.403635107 1) piss on a plate 2) put it in the freezer 3) wait till late at night when its frozen 4) take the piss disc off the plate 5) slide it under someone's door 6) they'll wake up to a mysterious puddle of piss on their floor 5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view. 16
File: 1338635025178.jpg-(22 KB, 253x256, 1330291018611.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: JR83QLK5) 06/02/12(Sat)07:03:45 No.403635107 1) piss on a plate 2) put it in the freezer 3) wait till late at night when its frozen 4) take the piss disc off the plate 5) slide it under someone's door 6) they'll wake up to a mysterious puddle of piss on their floor 5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view. 16

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Anon fabricates a phone transcript | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)02:20:18 No.846124519 >be me yesterday >talking on the phone to a girl who I was good friends with for a while and recently started dating >both of us are tired and horny >she suddenly stops and her voice gets quieter 40 KB JPG >"...can I ask you a question?" >"Anything." >there's a brief silence >"...do you love me?" >she almost immediately backtracks >"Wait, nevermind, that's a silly question-" >"I do, saying 'I love you' is kinda weird as things are right now, but wouldn't wanna make you feel any other way, you should already know this: I do love you, I love you a lot" >"I love you too" Did I do it right, /b/ros? Do you think she meant it romantically or just like a "we haven't said it to each other in a while and wanna make sure/hear it again" type thing? Does she want me to start saying it more often? I was being truthful all throughout that
: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)02:20:18 No.846124519 >be me yesterday >talking on the phone to a girl who I was good friends with for a while and recently started dating >both of us are tired and horny >she suddenly stops and her voice gets quieter 40 KB JPG >"...can I ask you a question?" >"Anything." >there's a brief silence >"...do you love me?" >she almost immediately backtracks >"Wait, nevermind, that's a silly question-" >"I do, saying 'I love you' is kinda weird as things are right now, but wouldn't wanna make you feel any other way, you should already know this: I do love you, I love you a lot" >"I love you too" Did I do it right, /b/ros? Do you think she meant it romantically or just like a "we haven't said it to each other in a while and wanna make sure/hear it again" type thing? Does she want me to start saying it more often? I was being truthful all throughout that

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Anon fucked up | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)23:33:19 No.846072053 >The r--- dwarfs are back >One of them came for me but I got lucky >thought I hadn't seen him but I sidestepped and kicked him in the head when he pounced >was going to just quietly knife him but 58 KB JPG had a better idea >experiment.exe >tie him up, bent over a crate >Let's find out where their allegiances lie >he starts waking up >terror.mp3 >thrashing and cursing like crazy >put a ratchet strap round him for good measure and wait upstairs >others come >sound of dragging cocks, heavy and foul >it seems they like low hanging fruit >the screaming hasn't stopped for days >running out of food >there are hundreds of them >what the hell have I done : Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)23:36:37 No.846072250 >>846072053 (OP) # f------ r--- dwarfs man : Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)23:37:28 No.846072309 We'll remember you OP 372 KB PNG
: Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)23:33:19 No.846072053 >The r--- dwarfs are back >One of them came for me but I got lucky >thought I hadn't seen him but I sidestepped and kicked him in the head when he pounced >was going to just quietly knife him but 58 KB JPG had a better idea >experiment.exe >tie him up, bent over a crate >Let's find out where their allegiances lie >he starts waking up >terror.mp3 >thrashing and cursing like crazy >put a ratchet strap round him for good measure and wait upstairs >others come >sound of dragging cocks, heavy and foul >it seems they like low hanging fruit >the screaming hasn't stopped for days >running out of food >there are hundreds of them >what the hell have I done : Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)23:36:37 No.846072250 >>846072053 (OP) # f------ r--- dwarfs man : Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)23:37:28 No.846072309 We'll remember you OP 372 KB PNG

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Anon is a chad | /r/Greentext

>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of >at a school party >everyone's dancing, I just awkwardly stand there >a stacy from my class comes up 42 KB JPG to me >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face >autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds >then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can >next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by such a lowlife >mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad >take that stacy
>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of >at a school party >everyone's dancing, I just awkwardly stand there >a stacy from my class comes up 42 KB JPG to me >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face >autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds >then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can >next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by such a lowlife >mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad >take that stacy

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Slip ‘N Slide | /r/Greentext

File: 769[1].png (955 KB, 871x867) /fit/ cringe Anonymous 01/28/21(Thu)16:29:55 No.59587126 [Reply] >>59587459 >>59587462 >get /fit/ after 4 years of lifting, cutting >finally get with a girl at a party >we're in a bedroom making out (my first kiss + tongue kiss) >she takes my hand and puts it on her crotch >feel bold and go under the waistband >feel my first p---- >feel shocked and stutter >"w-w-woah... your p-p---- is so damp..." >she pauses for a sec but continues making out >go in with my fingers >"t-that's a soakin' pus' right there" >she lightly pushes me away and leaves the room
File: 769[1].png (955 KB, 871x867) /fit/ cringe Anonymous 01/28/21(Thu)16:29:55 No.59587126 [Reply] >>59587459 >>59587462 >get /fit/ after 4 years of lifting, cutting >finally get with a girl at a party >we're in a bedroom making out (my first kiss + tongue kiss) >she takes my hand and puts it on her crotch >feel bold and go under the waistband >feel my first p---- >feel shocked and stutter >"w-w-woah... your p-p---- is so damp..." >she pauses for a sec but continues making out >go in with my fingers >"t-that's a soakin' pus' right there" >she lightly pushes me away and leaves the room

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Anon is 5'5 | /r/Greentext

File: 62410403.jpg (176 KB, 1000x1620) O Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)14:14:18 No.62096357 [Reply] >>62097009 >>62097074 >>62097360 >dad finds out I'm gay >cool with it, at least to the point he doesn't change how he treats me >f----- two guys the other day >dad is over next morning >they left stuff behind >they arrive unannounced to get it >they try to tease me and get in >dad sees them >they take their stuff and leave >he puts two and two together and realizes I'm a bottom because I'm 5'5 and they were both over six feet tall >says "I'm okay with you being gay but can you at least be the one on top?" + 43 replies and 6 images omitted. Click here to view. O Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)15:29:24 No.62097009 >>62096357 (OP) >I'm a bottom because I'm 5'5 and they were both over six feet tall Oh really? That's not how it works in my house.
File: 62410403.jpg (176 KB, 1000x1620) O Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)14:14:18 No.62096357 [Reply] >>62097009 >>62097074 >>62097360 >dad finds out I'm gay >cool with it, at least to the point he doesn't change how he treats me >f----- two guys the other day >dad is over next morning >they left stuff behind >they arrive unannounced to get it >they try to tease me and get in >dad sees them >they take their stuff and leave >he puts two and two together and realizes I'm a bottom because I'm 5'5 and they were both over six feet tall >says "I'm okay with you being gay but can you at least be the one on top?" + 43 replies and 6 images omitted. Click here to view. O Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)15:29:24 No.62097009 >>62096357 (OP) >I'm a bottom because I'm 5'5 and they were both over six feet tall Oh really? That's not how it works in my house.

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Anon likes fishing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)07:16:25 No.846118909 ITT: stupid s--- you've done while still new at work I'll start >start job at corporate office >go to bathroom >take s--- AUTISTIC CHILD AREA 103 KB JPG >try to flush >it won't flush >decide to go sneak styrofoam cup from break room to scoop out logs >get cup >fish the poo out of the forbidden soup >throw s--- filled cup in trash >no one knows why it still smelled like s--- in restroom after toilets were clean View Thread
: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)07:16:25 No.846118909 ITT: stupid s--- you've done while still new at work I'll start >start job at corporate office >go to bathroom >take s--- AUTISTIC CHILD AREA 103 KB JPG >try to flush >it won't flush >decide to go sneak styrofoam cup from break room to scoop out logs >get cup >fish the poo out of the forbidden soup >throw s--- filled cup in trash >no one knows why it still smelled like s--- in restroom after toilets were clean View Thread

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Salt on French Fries

1537264774886.jpg 11 KB JPG >Order fries with no salt, causing the staff to cook a new batch >Put on salt myself Everything in this world is part of my game.
1537264774886.jpg 11 KB JPG >Order fries with no salt, causing the staff to cook a new batch >Put on salt myself Everything in this world is part of my game.

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Anon is the /b/iano man | /r/Greentext

File: AFEABD8F-988D-4F94-AEB9-5753338B1728.jpg (99 KB, 900x900) O Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)21:07:04 No.845018086 [Reply] It's nine o' clock on a Saturday, regular crowd logs in There's an oldfag posting next to me, saying /b/s current state is a sin. He says, "Anon, can you post me a memory, when this place only had anime? It was sad and for weebs with no retarded memes and i think it was better that way." Make us a post, you're the /bliano man, Make us a post tonight Well we're all in the mood for some comedy, And you've got us feeling alright. Now Anon in the thread is a friend of mine, He gets me my p--- for free. And he's quick with a post about i----- or ghosts, But there's a feels thread where he'd rather be. He says, "Anon, I believe this is killing me" as he dreams of a Japanese spouse, "I'm sure l'd be a hentai artist, if I could just leave my mom's house." Now Anon is a welding bitcoin miner, Who never could land a girlfriend, And he's talking with Anon, who's close to a bannin', For lolis he tries to defend. And the f------ all rant about politics, As the junkies they slowly get stoned. They all post in thread about loneliness, But it's better than posting alone. Make us a post, you're the /bliano man, make us a post tonight Well we're all in the mood for some comedy, and you've got us feeling alright. It's a pretty good thread for a Saturday, and Hiroshi gives me a smile. "Cause he knows that it's me they've been coming to see to forget about life for a while And YLYL reeks of potassium! And we're pretty sure OP's a queer! And they sit in their beds, posting jokes in their threads and say "Man, what am I doing here?" Make us a post, you're the /b/iano man, make us a post tonight Well we're all in the mood for some comedy, and you've got us feeling alright.
File: AFEABD8F-988D-4F94-AEB9-5753338B1728.jpg (99 KB, 900x900) O Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)21:07:04 No.845018086 [Reply] It's nine o' clock on a Saturday, regular crowd logs in There's an oldfag posting next to me, saying /b/s current state is a sin. He says, "Anon, can you post me a memory, when this place only had anime? It was sad and for weebs with no retarded memes and i think it was better that way." Make us a post, you're the /bliano man, Make us a post tonight Well we're all in the mood for some comedy, And you've got us feeling alright. Now Anon in the thread is a friend of mine, He gets me my p--- for free. And he's quick with a post about i----- or ghosts, But there's a feels thread where he'd rather be. He says, "Anon, I believe this is killing me" as he dreams of a Japanese spouse, "I'm sure l'd be a hentai artist, if I could just leave my mom's house." Now Anon is a welding bitcoin miner, Who never could land a girlfriend, And he's talking with Anon, who's close to a bannin', For lolis he tries to defend. And the f------ all rant about politics, As the junkies they slowly get stoned. They all post in thread about loneliness, But it's better than posting alone. Make us a post, you're the /bliano man, make us a post tonight Well we're all in the mood for some comedy, and you've got us feeling alright. It's a pretty good thread for a Saturday, and Hiroshi gives me a smile. "Cause he knows that it's me they've been coming to see to forget about life for a while And YLYL reeks of potassium! And we're pretty sure OP's a queer! And they sit in their beds, posting jokes in their threads and say "Man, what am I doing here?" Make us a post, you're the /b/iano man, make us a post tonight Well we're all in the mood for some comedy, and you've got us feeling alright.

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Anon is confused about homosexuality | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/30/21 (Sat)09:36:36 No.846119679 >hear my whole life that being gay isn't a choice >learn about political lesbians who base their entire movement ! on pushing women to choose to be gay >be confused 106 KB PNG Seriously /b/ros how does this make any sense...are heterosexual women just a myth? : Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)09:39:31 No.846119775 Women do not have sexualities. Their sexuality is W----. >>846119824 #
: Anonymous 01/30/21 (Sat)09:36:36 No.846119679 >hear my whole life that being gay isn't a choice >learn about political lesbians who base their entire movement ! on pushing women to choose to be gay >be confused 106 KB PNG Seriously /b/ros how does this make any sense...are heterosexual women just a myth? : Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)09:39:31 No.846119775 Women do not have sexualities. Their sexuality is W----. >>846119824 #

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Jesus Marie! They‘re minerals | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/19(Sat)00:31:16 No.798335037 >be me >have a pretty s-----, boring day >feels sucky >go home >look at rock and mineral collection >feel happier instantly 23 KB JPG Thank you rock and mineral collection
: Anonymous 04/27/19(Sat)00:31:16 No.798335037 >be me >have a pretty s-----, boring day >feels sucky >go home >look at rock and mineral collection >feel happier instantly 23 KB JPG Thank you rock and mineral collection

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Anon's therapist thinks he's gay. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/18(Tue)20:10:14 No.42703665 >talking to therapist >asking s--- about my personal life one day, friends and family s--- >asks if ever had a gf >say no >she asks if l'm gay >tell her no and ask why she'd think that >she says it's strange l'm so uncomfortable around her plus I'm a virgin so she just assumed >get mad call her a c--- >she tells me I shouldn't be ashamed to be gay >tell her to suck a d--- >she laughs >storm out and never go back
: Anonymous 01/23/18(Tue)20:10:14 No.42703665 >talking to therapist >asking s--- about my personal life one day, friends and family s--- >asks if ever had a gf >say no >she asks if l'm gay >tell her no and ask why she'd think that >she says it's strange l'm so uncomfortable around her plus I'm a virgin so she just assumed >get mad call her a c--- >she tells me I shouldn't be ashamed to be gay >tell her to suck a d--- >she laughs >storm out and never go back

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Anon is polish | /r/Greentext

Polska >Be me >Be 1/8th polish but don't speak any >Started my new job a couple weeks ago >The guy I sit next to asks if I'm part Polish >'Uhhhh yeah, I guess' >He asks me what is my favourite phrase in Polish >Don't speak any but I decide to humour him >'Oh well there are many I could choose from but my favourite is Shnare Shnoshnoshnoshnosh' >He says 'Sorry what?' >I repeat 'Shnare Shnoshnoshnoshnosh' >He asks what it means >'Oh it's a very beautiful phrase in Polish, it means I am a weeping willow searching for love' >He repeats it to make sure he heard correctly >'Shnare shnoshnoshnoshnosh?" >l pretend to correct him >Shnare ShnoshNOSHnoshnosh' >We go back and forth with this made up Polish phrase several times over >Mfw about 10 other people in the office are now looking at us like we're mentally ill >All they heard was me and this other guy repeatedly saying 'Shnare Shnoshnoshnoshnosh' to one another
Polska >Be me >Be 1/8th polish but don't speak any >Started my new job a couple weeks ago >The guy I sit next to asks if I'm part Polish >'Uhhhh yeah, I guess' >He asks me what is my favourite phrase in Polish >Don't speak any but I decide to humour him >'Oh well there are many I could choose from but my favourite is Shnare Shnoshnoshnoshnosh' >He says 'Sorry what?' >I repeat 'Shnare Shnoshnoshnoshnosh' >He asks what it means >'Oh it's a very beautiful phrase in Polish, it means I am a weeping willow searching for love' >He repeats it to make sure he heard correctly >'Shnare shnoshnoshnoshnosh?" >l pretend to correct him >Shnare ShnoshNOSHnoshnosh' >We go back and forth with this made up Polish phrase several times over >Mfw about 10 other people in the office are now looking at us like we're mentally ill >All they heard was me and this other guy repeatedly saying 'Shnare Shnoshnoshnoshnosh' to one another

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Anon was at a healthy weight | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)07:20:40 No.846116817 >be me >at a healthy weight >discover butter 8 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)07:20:40 No.846116817 >be me >at a healthy weight >discover butter 8 KB JPG

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