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Anon planning for his end | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/19(Fri)20:46:58 No.790932821 >be me >"depressed" 12 year old >decide i want to kill myself >family planning to go to the beach >prepare my final plan >get to beach 23 KB JPG >go inside water >scream "goodbye forever" >throw AA battery into the sea >mfw still alive >everybody laughing at me for being retarded >mfw I'm probably retarded
: Anonymous 01/25/19(Fri)20:46:58 No.790932821 >be me >"depressed" 12 year old >decide i want to kill myself >family planning to go to the beach >prepare my final plan >get to beach 23 KB JPG >go inside water >scream "goodbye forever" >throw AA battery into the sea >mfw still alive >everybody laughing at me for being retarded >mfw I'm probably retarded

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Anon plays realistic games | /r/Greentext

File: 1612254222216.png (466 KB, 975x590) O Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)09:24:32 No.542760379 [Reply >game has dedicated sprint button >you run out of breath in 5 seconds Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)09:43:07 No.542761463 >>542760379 (OP). realistic in america
File: 1612254222216.png (466 KB, 975x590) O Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)09:24:32 No.542760379 [Reply >game has dedicated sprint button >you run out of breath in 5 seconds Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)09:43:07 No.542761463 >>542760379 (OP). realistic in america

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Anon has a dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/19/20(Sat)08:43:13 No.61456439 >Be me >dreaming last night that i met a girl called Sarah, >wake up in a daze still half asleep in my bed >realise im cuddling a naked girl and feel the distinctive sensation of holding a boob in my 192 KB PNG hand >nice.gif >ask "who are you" >"I'm Sarah" >"What are you doing here" i ask >"We met last night cause i was watching shrek 2" she says >"well that checks out cause i f------ love that movie" >after i say that i wake up a bit more and realise there's no girl in my bed >be holding a handful of my own bellyfat >mfw
: Anonymous 12/19/20(Sat)08:43:13 No.61456439 >Be me >dreaming last night that i met a girl called Sarah, >wake up in a daze still half asleep in my bed >realise im cuddling a naked girl and feel the distinctive sensation of holding a boob in my 192 KB PNG hand >nice.gif >ask "who are you" >"I'm Sarah" >"What are you doing here" i ask >"We met last night cause i was watching shrek 2" she says >"well that checks out cause i f------ love that movie" >after i say that i wake up a bit more and realise there's no girl in my bed >be holding a handful of my own bellyfat >mfw

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Anon with muslim passenger | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)10:04:10 No.7512136 >be me >on airplane >3 muslims are sitting in the back >two of them get up and start walking to the front >as one passes me, he 120 KB JPG says "soon we will all see allah." >he gets to the front of the plane and starts reciting the koran >he ended up converting 12 people to islam thank you allah
: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)10:04:10 No.7512136 >be me >on airplane >3 muslims are sitting in the back >two of them get up and start walking to the front >as one passes me, he 120 KB JPG says "soon we will all see allah." >he gets to the front of the plane and starts reciting the koran >he ended up converting 12 people to islam thank you allah

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Anon gets asked about his future husband. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/05/19(Sat)11:22:53 No.50255501 >Make female friend in class >Little older than me, but still smaller than me and hot as hell >Starts inviting me out for coffee after class, just me and her 648 KB PNG >Text each other constantly >Goes on for about a month >Totally convinced she likes me, thinking about making a move >One day start talking about cats, say 'd never want one >"But anon, what if your future husband wants one?" >Silence, we just stare at each other >"...you're gay, right anon?" What the f--- I f------ hate women
: Anonymous 01/05/19(Sat)11:22:53 No.50255501 >Make female friend in class >Little older than me, but still smaller than me and hot as hell >Starts inviting me out for coffee after class, just me and her 648 KB PNG >Text each other constantly >Goes on for about a month >Totally convinced she likes me, thinking about making a move >One day start talking about cats, say 'd never want one >"But anon, what if your future husband wants one?" >Silence, we just stare at each other >"...you're gay, right anon?" What the f--- I f------ hate women

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Anon has based mum | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)10:33:46 No.846346716 > Be me > 20-year-old male > Depressed as f--- > Living with my boomer parents > Cousins are coming over (all 3 females), dad's at work >I get out of my room to say hi and sit in the corner a bit so that I 424 KB JPG can go back to my room after a while as to not look rude > They start talking about boobs > My mother says she wished hers were smaller > Cousins says she wished hers were bigger > They start undressing and comparing them > w--.mp4 >I take a look like w--, I'm right here are you blind? > See my moms mellons > Punch my d--- and try to remove this memory > error 404, I can't > My cousin told my mom to cover them because I'm right here > My mom says "don't worry he's a f-----" > Go to my room trying to reason with what just happened >I can't > Start doubting who is my father Is this the end? I will never look at my mama the same way.
: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)10:33:46 No.846346716 > Be me > 20-year-old male > Depressed as f--- > Living with my boomer parents > Cousins are coming over (all 3 females), dad's at work >I get out of my room to say hi and sit in the corner a bit so that I 424 KB JPG can go back to my room after a while as to not look rude > They start talking about boobs > My mother says she wished hers were smaller > Cousins says she wished hers were bigger > They start undressing and comparing them > w--.mp4 >I take a look like w--, I'm right here are you blind? > See my moms mellons > Punch my d--- and try to remove this memory > error 404, I can't > My cousin told my mom to cover them because I'm right here > My mom says "don't worry he's a f-----" > Go to my room trying to reason with what just happened >I can't > Start doubting who is my father Is this the end? I will never look at my mama the same way.

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Anon is rich | /r/Greentext

38m (2/2 16:18) 846346108 I'm gonna turn this around and tell you the best thing I discovered kn the dark web. >2010 >14 year old anon on /b/ >post thread on /b/ asking what acid is like and where to find it >"op is a f----- for not using silkroad" >discover TOR and the silkroad >Buy 38.6 Bitcoin with the intent to try acid. Leave BTC on a flash drive hidden because I didn't want mt parents to find my "drug money" >take part in the gene simmons "operation payback" DDOS Gene Simmons, get laptop stolen by FBI and can not spend BTC >forget about flashdrive with BTC >2015 Find flashdrive >"oh, bitcoin is worth 120/piece, cool." Still to difficult to sell, don't touch it. >three booms and busts later still have 38.6 BTC >portfolio is now worth over a mil. >tfw my teenage drug habit ended up making me rich.
38m (2/2 16:18) 846346108 I'm gonna turn this around and tell you the best thing I discovered kn the dark web. >2010 >14 year old anon on /b/ >post thread on /b/ asking what acid is like and where to find it >"op is a f----- for not using silkroad" >discover TOR and the silkroad >Buy 38.6 Bitcoin with the intent to try acid. Leave BTC on a flash drive hidden because I didn't want mt parents to find my "drug money" >take part in the gene simmons "operation payback" DDOS Gene Simmons, get laptop stolen by FBI and can not spend BTC >forget about flashdrive with BTC >2015 Find flashdrive >"oh, bitcoin is worth 120/piece, cool." Still to difficult to sell, don't touch it. >three booms and busts later still have 38.6 BTC >portfolio is now worth over a mil. >tfw my teenage drug habit ended up making me rich.

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anon isn't a girl | /r/Greentext

File: reimu.png (1.91 MB, 1363x1450) I Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)00:51:55 No.62134823 [Reply] >>62134840 >>62134874 >pretend to be girl on /r9k/ >find threads with sad and lonely anons >chat to them for a while on here or discord >make them feel better, more confident in themselves, etc. >try to be there if they need to talk >never tell them I am a boy >got them to love themselves more so it doesn't matter REN mission accomplished
File: reimu.png (1.91 MB, 1363x1450) I Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)00:51:55 No.62134823 [Reply] >>62134840 >>62134874 >pretend to be girl on /r9k/ >find threads with sad and lonely anons >chat to them for a while on here or discord >make them feel better, more confident in themselves, etc. >try to be there if they need to talk >never tell them I am a boy >got them to love themselves more so it doesn't matter REN mission accomplished

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Anon avoids crisis | /r/Greentext

Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. Ill go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box >say, "I had been stabbed officer" >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided
Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. Ill go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box >say, "I had been stabbed officer" >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided

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Anon dick cheese eating fag | /r/Greentext

File: images (11).jpg (6 KB, 194x259) O Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)13:38:17 No.56392507 [Reply] 56392520 >dont shower for a couple weeks >get nasty dickcheese >after a couple more weeks decide to see how the dickcheese is coming along >the dickcheese has disappeared where'd my dickcheese go? »O Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)13:39:03 No.56392520 >56392507 (OP) you f------ ate it didn't you, you f-----
File: images (11).jpg (6 KB, 194x259) O Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)13:38:17 No.56392507 [Reply] 56392520 >dont shower for a couple weeks >get nasty dickcheese >after a couple more weeks decide to see how the dickcheese is coming along >the dickcheese has disappeared where'd my dickcheese go? »O Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)13:39:03 No.56392520 >56392507 (OP) you f------ ate it didn't you, you f-----

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Manlets manipulate mathematics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: KIodQkxv 02/01/21(Mon)15:40:51 No.306170697 1512256086289.jpg| 104 KB JPG >>306165983 (OP) # Here's a hint for any man using online dating. Even if you're a manlet, you too can become a 6 foot chad using this simple method. Simply use negative inches like so: 5' 10" = 6' -2" %3D 5' 4" = 6' -8" 4' 8" = 6' -16" Etc. Now whenever they ask your height you can answer >yeah I'm 6 feet tall >>306172145 #
: Anonymous (ID: KIodQkxv 02/01/21(Mon)15:40:51 No.306170697 1512256086289.jpg| 104 KB JPG >>306165983 (OP) # Here's a hint for any man using online dating. Even if you're a manlet, you too can become a 6 foot chad using this simple method. Simply use negative inches like so: 5' 10" = 6' -2" %3D 5' 4" = 6' -8" 4' 8" = 6' -16" Etc. Now whenever they ask your height you can answer >yeah I'm 6 feet tall >>306172145 #

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Anon is not smart | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/17(Wed)13:51:02 No.3621674: >18 >out at a party >too late to go home >girl asks me to stay at hers >"you can sleep in my bed" >i reply "but where will you sleep?!" 6 months later i realized im retarded
: Anonymous 04/12/17(Wed)13:51:02 No.3621674: >18 >out at a party >too late to go home >girl asks me to stay at hers >"you can sleep in my bed" >i reply "but where will you sleep?!" 6 months later i realized im retarded

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Anon dislikes reddit | /r/Greentext

4chan >Call someone a f----- >At worst they call you a f----- back >That's that 3 KB PNG Reddit >Call someone a f----- >"I thought that in this day and age we wouldn't have to deal with homophobia my grandfather was a leather daddy in the 50s and he had AlIDS and that's ok and multiculturalism is great and I love b--------- and... Etc >You have been banned fro r/whatever please suck our d---- to come back
4chan >Call someone a f----- >At worst they call you a f----- back >That's that 3 KB PNG Reddit >Call someone a f----- >"I thought that in this day and age we wouldn't have to deal with homophobia my grandfather was a leather daddy in the 50s and he had AlIDS and that's ok and multiculturalism is great and I love b--------- and... Etc >You have been banned fro r/whatever please suck our d---- to come back

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Anon likes broccoli | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/19(Sun)01:47:25 No.106871385 Do real kids actually not like broccoli? It seems to be a trope for characters to hate it, but I loved eating broccoli and other vegetables as a kid. 38 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/07/19(Sun)01:57:05 No.106871668 I was poor so we had nothing but microwave s--- and ramen. I didnt try broccoli until i was in jr high and i was so surprised at how good it tasted. My friends mom had made broccoli and cheese. I ate about 3 servings and told her how it was my first time to try it. I told them how cartoons always told me it would taste so bad. I wish i could have f----- my friends mom >>106871807 # >>106877776 # >>106885879 #
: Anonymous 04/07/19(Sun)01:47:25 No.106871385 Do real kids actually not like broccoli? It seems to be a trope for characters to hate it, but I loved eating broccoli and other vegetables as a kid. 38 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/07/19(Sun)01:57:05 No.106871668 I was poor so we had nothing but microwave s--- and ramen. I didnt try broccoli until i was in jr high and i was so surprised at how good it tasted. My friends mom had made broccoli and cheese. I ate about 3 servings and told her how it was my first time to try it. I told them how cartoons always told me it would taste so bad. I wish i could have f----- my friends mom >>106871807 # >>106877776 # >>106885879 #

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Anon is confused | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)18:16:05 No.846070977 I'm so confused right now. >Be me at bar >Walking to back patio to drink outside >A girl literally pulls me on top of her on a pool table 42 KB JPG >We start talking >This guy starts talking to me while I'm talking to her >Hey anon, this is my husband >She starts grinding on me while her husband is talking to me having a conversation like normal >She asks me to come home with her >Riding home with them thinking they're into cuckolding >We get there, she makes a bed on the couch and says "we'll see you in the morning anon" >They go upstairs and shut the door >She makes me breakfast in the morning and drives me home What?
: Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)18:16:05 No.846070977 I'm so confused right now. >Be me at bar >Walking to back patio to drink outside >A girl literally pulls me on top of her on a pool table 42 KB JPG >We start talking >This guy starts talking to me while I'm talking to her >Hey anon, this is my husband >She starts grinding on me while her husband is talking to me having a conversation like normal >She asks me to come home with her >Riding home with them thinking they're into cuckolding >We get there, she makes a bed on the couch and says "we'll see you in the morning anon" >They go upstairs and shut the door >She makes me breakfast in the morning and drives me home What?

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How it feels to chew 5 gum | /r/Greentext

>be me >19 yo 6/10 >Go out to movie with bestie of 3 years >9/10 >Its technically a date 5 KB PNG >Dinner and movie >Get ice cream afterwards >Give her a glass flower I bought earlier in the month >She loves it and we go for a walk >Pull out 5GUM:TRUTH OR DARE PACK >Her wrapper says take a selfie with eyes closed >She does >I read mine It says to ask the most beautiful person in the room to kiss >We laugh it off but u remember the glass flower base has a mirror on the bottom side Where's the most beautiful girl at though? >Look at the mirrored base Oh look I found her! >Showed her the mirrored base of the flower >We smile and kiss for the first time ever >She reads the other part of the wrapper >"What's the most romantic moment you've shared with the person next to you?" >"This one right now" >mfw how it feels to chew 5gum Memecenter.com
>be me >19 yo 6/10 >Go out to movie with bestie of 3 years >9/10 >Its technically a date 5 KB PNG >Dinner and movie >Get ice cream afterwards >Give her a glass flower I bought earlier in the month >She loves it and we go for a walk >Pull out 5GUM:TRUTH OR DARE PACK >Her wrapper says take a selfie with eyes closed >She does >I read mine It says to ask the most beautiful person in the room to kiss >We laugh it off but u remember the glass flower base has a mirror on the bottom side Where's the most beautiful girl at though? >Look at the mirrored base Oh look I found her! >Showed her the mirrored base of the flower >We smile and kiss for the first time ever >She reads the other part of the wrapper >"What's the most romantic moment you've shared with the person next to you?" >"This one right now" >mfw how it feels to chew 5gum Memecenter.com

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Anons are excited for RE8 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)18:18:53 No.6075382 >>6075035 (OP) # >Resolve to quit chronic masturbating >Going well for 3 weeks >Cruel amazonian big t---- femdom mommy in trailer for game I'm excited for >Goon sessions for the last 2 days It's not fair bros! It was going so well! >>6076680 # : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)18:59:00 No.6075413 >>6075035 (OP) # Maybe it's because the game isn't even out yet. On another note, isn't she like twelve feet tall or something? Sex would be quite difficult. >that's a huge bitch >>6075631 # : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)20:05:39 No.6075500 >>6075035 (OP) # >that face >IT'S MA'AM
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)18:18:53 No.6075382 >>6075035 (OP) # >Resolve to quit chronic masturbating >Going well for 3 weeks >Cruel amazonian big t---- femdom mommy in trailer for game I'm excited for >Goon sessions for the last 2 days It's not fair bros! It was going so well! >>6076680 # : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)18:59:00 No.6075413 >>6075035 (OP) # Maybe it's because the game isn't even out yet. On another note, isn't she like twelve feet tall or something? Sex would be quite difficult. >that's a huge bitch >>6075631 # : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)20:05:39 No.6075500 >>6075035 (OP) # >that face >IT'S MA'AM

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Anon has a run in with a spooky ghost | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)06:32:04 No.27514908 >>27514413 I've posted these before but l'm gonna repost these so this thread doesn't f------ die > Be me 286 KB JPG > Work at a dock > Work the night shift > Despite being in a region known for its crime, the dock gets pretty quiet at night > My job is to basically just watch cameras, do patrols, and shoo away teens who come down to the docks to smoke weed etc > Boring af but it pays kinda good for where I live >Be working the graveyard shift > Basically nothing happens during these shifts because it's the middle of the f----- night > About to fall asleep due to how f------ boring it is > Hear footsteps > Don't give a s--- because it's probs one of the other guards or one of the workers > Hear footsteps fade away into the distance > Remember that I'm supposed to be alone in this part of the dock and that if anyone had entered the area they would've called it in on the radio > f---.mp4 > Open office door and look around > See a tall silhouette at the end of the walkway > It's just looking at me > Turns and walks around the corner > Remember l'm not a f------ baby and that this is the only job I could find in months > Go charging after the silhouette > Round corner > Dead-end > what > Literally the only way the person could've vanished like that is if they jumped off the railings and into the stormy sea below > Mfw this area is known for drownings due to how aggressive and deep the sea is > Mfw I would've heard them impact the water > Mfw this isn't the first or last time this has happened to me S--- like this happens so f------ often that I've considered leaving but it's the only job that'll accept me in the local area because my dad is friends with the owner
: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)06:32:04 No.27514908 >>27514413 I've posted these before but l'm gonna repost these so this thread doesn't f------ die > Be me 286 KB JPG > Work at a dock > Work the night shift > Despite being in a region known for its crime, the dock gets pretty quiet at night > My job is to basically just watch cameras, do patrols, and shoo away teens who come down to the docks to smoke weed etc > Boring af but it pays kinda good for where I live >Be working the graveyard shift > Basically nothing happens during these shifts because it's the middle of the f----- night > About to fall asleep due to how f------ boring it is > Hear footsteps > Don't give a s--- because it's probs one of the other guards or one of the workers > Hear footsteps fade away into the distance > Remember that I'm supposed to be alone in this part of the dock and that if anyone had entered the area they would've called it in on the radio > f---.mp4 > Open office door and look around > See a tall silhouette at the end of the walkway > It's just looking at me > Turns and walks around the corner > Remember l'm not a f------ baby and that this is the only job I could find in months > Go charging after the silhouette > Round corner > Dead-end > what > Literally the only way the person could've vanished like that is if they jumped off the railings and into the stormy sea below > Mfw this area is known for drownings due to how aggressive and deep the sea is > Mfw I would've heard them impact the water > Mfw this isn't the first or last time this has happened to me S--- like this happens so f------ often that I've considered leaving but it's the only job that'll accept me in the local area because my dad is friends with the owner

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Anon fakes graduation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: CH1DqhUM ) E 02/01/21(Mon)11:25:10 No.306130978 >>306128270 (OP) # >Be Me >Be into computers and shitposting on 4chan all day >Start watching youtube videos and looking at college curriculum >Teach myself anything and everything computers >Get a job at local geek squad bby >Learn how they work >Try to go through curriculum of local college but online since everything is free >Print Fake Diploma Life is good bros. Now I make 100K$ a year (decent amount in my area but I know rich f--- will s--- on me) with my fake diploma and no one knows any better. Not one job l've had has drug tested or asked for my college transcripts.
: Anonymous (ID: CH1DqhUM ) E 02/01/21(Mon)11:25:10 No.306130978 >>306128270 (OP) # >Be Me >Be into computers and shitposting on 4chan all day >Start watching youtube videos and looking at college curriculum >Teach myself anything and everything computers >Get a job at local geek squad bby >Learn how they work >Try to go through curriculum of local college but online since everything is free >Print Fake Diploma Life is good bros. Now I make 100K$ a year (decent amount in my area but I know rich f--- will s--- on me) with my fake diploma and no one knows any better. Not one job l've had has drug tested or asked for my college transcripts.

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Anon is a chicken farmer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)15:43:27 No.846304228 >be me >34 y.o chinless hick chicken farmer >beta af >live with uggo gf who refuses to have sex with me because I am 404 KB PNG literally unfuckable >come home from work >see Ford truck in driveway >w--.jpg >we only drive soobs in this dump >go in house and see gf getting railed by Chad >gf screaming “f--- me with your big dock and define jaw line Chad" >feelsbadman >sneak outside without being noticed >decide to r--- gf's favourite chicken as revenge >cry after I c-- like I always do >next morning make eggs for Chad and gf That will teach her 4 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)15:43:27 No.846304228 >be me >34 y.o chinless hick chicken farmer >beta af >live with uggo gf who refuses to have sex with me because I am 404 KB PNG literally unfuckable >come home from work >see Ford truck in driveway >w--.jpg >we only drive soobs in this dump >go in house and see gf getting railed by Chad >gf screaming “f--- me with your big dock and define jaw line Chad" >feelsbadman >sneak outside without being noticed >decide to r--- gf's favourite chicken as revenge >cry after I c-- like I always do >next morning make eggs for Chad and gf That will teach her 4 Replies View Thread

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