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Anon with his nephew | /r/Greentext


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Push in the Bush | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)04:14:22 No.62124898 >eats beans BUSH'S >enjoys beans BEST Original BAKED BEANS 39 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)04:14:22 No.62124898 >eats beans BUSH'S >enjoys beans BEST Original BAKED BEANS 39 KB JPG

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Anon on pompeii | /r/Greentext

Embracing figures at Pompeii 'could have been gay lovers', after scan reveals they are both men f share CD040683-728B-46E2-9C39-6152B03FE828.png 1.67 MB PNG >be me >drinking wine with best bro >served 10 years in army together >saved my life once >named my son after the guy >mountain f------ explodes >find house and hide for shelter >give each other one last bro hug >ash burys us both >1900 years later get found >lol gay bois
Embracing figures at Pompeii 'could have been gay lovers', after scan reveals they are both men f share CD040683-728B-46E2-9C39-6152B03FE828.png 1.67 MB PNG >be me >drinking wine with best bro >served 10 years in army together >saved my life once >named my son after the guy >mountain f------ explodes >find house and hide for shelter >give each other one last bro hug >ash burys us both >1900 years later get found >lol gay bois

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Anon needs some serious help | /r/Greentext

>> Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)22:58:27 No.62116640 File: 1611185559356.gif (331 KB, 112x112) >masturbated to my dad's playboys >some of the pages were stuck together >would lay on floor of shower and use spray nozzle attachment on my p---- >would do this when I had to piss >made up that I was on a gameshow where I wasn't allowed to piss while being tortured until I came >probably like 11 or 12? no idea where I got that from >let flies land on my vagina while watching tiny toons at my grandma's house, found it erotic >f----- myself with a carrot in the shower and my mom found it and confronted me over it 100% true and honest content
>> Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)22:58:27 No.62116640 File: 1611185559356.gif (331 KB, 112x112) >masturbated to my dad's playboys >some of the pages were stuck together >would lay on floor of shower and use spray nozzle attachment on my p---- >would do this when I had to piss >made up that I was on a gameshow where I wasn't allowed to piss while being tortured until I came >probably like 11 or 12? no idea where I got that from >let flies land on my vagina while watching tiny toons at my grandma's house, found it erotic >f----- myself with a carrot in the shower and my mom found it and confronted me over it 100% true and honest content

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Anon works at a grocery store | /r/Greentext

File: 354.png (64 KB, 657x527) Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)16:39:22 No.62101785 ► >>62101797 work story >wagecuck at grocery store >middle aged women wants to buy a pack of beer >ask to see ID "oh I don't have one" >it's ok then, you look old enough >she looks visibly p----- >found out later that I got a customer complaint >pretty sure it was her how was this my fault? >> Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)16:40:30 No.62101797 >>62101785 (OP) Do you have Aspergers syndrome opee? Sounds like it.
File: 354.png (64 KB, 657x527) Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)16:39:22 No.62101785 ► >>62101797 work story >wagecuck at grocery store >middle aged women wants to buy a pack of beer >ask to see ID "oh I don't have one" >it's ok then, you look old enough >she looks visibly p----- >found out later that I got a customer complaint >pretty sure it was her how was this my fault? >> Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)16:40:30 No.62101797 >>62101785 (OP) Do you have Aspergers syndrome opee? Sounds like it.

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Anon talks politics with gf | /r/Greentext

Talking politics with women 01/31/21(Sun)17:38:50 No.30597609 >gf really supports BLM and other such b------- >social media posts, going to rallies, etc >typical young white woman >I love her so I always avoid sensitive subjects >yesterday she starts bugging me a lot 345 KB PNG about it >"ahh, I'm just skeptical about these kinds of things" >I keep trying to deflect and disengage >l'm too autistic, don't want to show her my powerlevel >she won't drop it, being very persistent >"ahh you know these things are really complicated, I try not to get involved haha" >"Anon I want to talk about this!" >she's getting kind of mad >ohfuck >there's no escape >"uhh how about we give each other five minutes of uninterrupted time to share our opinions?" >she loves the idea, sits at the table >she gives me some paper to take notes, set a timer for five minutes on her phone >starts rattling off about institutional racism, collective white guilt, reparations >"Anon, white silence is violence!" >l write down some b------- to appear respectful and attentive >it's my turn now >mytimehascome.png >going to be as delicate as possible >spend about a minute agreeing that black people are f----- in America >she's nodding >so far so good >time to pivot >bring up racial correlations with IQ >start citing crime statistics >"The greatest threat to Americans is black criminals" >"This isn't even Canada's problem, let them deal with it" >basically saying that blacks are stupid and violent in the nicest way possible >gf starts crying >*pause my time* >"babe what's wrong?" >"w-- Anon are you actually this racist???" >oh f--- >"N-no I just think we need to look at all the angles!" >gf breaks down >yells at me and calls me a horrible person >st laying on the table crying into her elbow >Spaghetti Hawk Down >"b-baby, come on now- please" >no answer >"I don't know how to make this better right now so I'm just going to go" >stop at dominos on the way home >eat pizza alone in the dark Never EVER talk about politics with your gf, bros
Talking politics with women 01/31/21(Sun)17:38:50 No.30597609 >gf really supports BLM and other such b------- >social media posts, going to rallies, etc >typical young white woman >I love her so I always avoid sensitive subjects >yesterday she starts bugging me a lot 345 KB PNG about it >"ahh, I'm just skeptical about these kinds of things" >I keep trying to deflect and disengage >l'm too autistic, don't want to show her my powerlevel >she won't drop it, being very persistent >"ahh you know these things are really complicated, I try not to get involved haha" >"Anon I want to talk about this!" >she's getting kind of mad >ohfuck >there's no escape >"uhh how about we give each other five minutes of uninterrupted time to share our opinions?" >she loves the idea, sits at the table >she gives me some paper to take notes, set a timer for five minutes on her phone >starts rattling off about institutional racism, collective white guilt, reparations >"Anon, white silence is violence!" >l write down some b------- to appear respectful and attentive >it's my turn now >mytimehascome.png >going to be as delicate as possible >spend about a minute agreeing that black people are f----- in America >she's nodding >so far so good >time to pivot >bring up racial correlations with IQ >start citing crime statistics >"The greatest threat to Americans is black criminals" >"This isn't even Canada's problem, let them deal with it" >basically saying that blacks are stupid and violent in the nicest way possible >gf starts crying >*pause my time* >"babe what's wrong?" >"w-- Anon are you actually this racist???" >oh f--- >"N-no I just think we need to look at all the angles!" >gf breaks down >yells at me and calls me a horrible person >st laying on the table crying into her elbow >Spaghetti Hawk Down >"b-baby, come on now- please" >no answer >"I don't know how to make this better right now so I'm just going to go" >stop at dominos on the way home >eat pizza alone in the dark Never EVER talk about politics with your gf, bros

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Anon has his life ruined | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)21:18:47 No.846216918 [Reply] >>846217455 SMOSH >be me, 11 years old >was a huge fan of smosh >watching funny smosh video one late night, feels good man >suddenly some hot lady in a bikini pops up on screen, she wets herself with water from a hose outside >its very sexy, I pop a boner >keep rewinding the scene, starts to rub my d--- >eventually I came, mind f------ blowned of what just happened >gets addicted to m-----------, still do it to this day F--- you Smosh, you ruined my life
O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)21:18:47 No.846216918 [Reply] >>846217455 SMOSH >be me, 11 years old >was a huge fan of smosh >watching funny smosh video one late night, feels good man >suddenly some hot lady in a bikini pops up on screen, she wets herself with water from a hose outside >its very sexy, I pop a boner >keep rewinding the scene, starts to rub my d--- >eventually I came, mind f------ blowned of what just happened >gets addicted to m-----------, still do it to this day F--- you Smosh, you ruined my life

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Anon makes pizza | /r/Greentext

>be me >neet loser >hate myself >not good at anything >it's pizza friday >my mom makes the pizza dough, and i make the rest of it 69 KB JPG >mom usually doesn't have pizza >eat my pizza upstairs in my room >tasty.png >go downstairs for more >my mom calls me into her room >"hey anon, i ate some of you pizza, hope you don't mind >whatever.avi >"you make really good pizzas anon. they're the best i've ever tasted" >mom makes my bro try some of the pizza >he loves it aswell >mfw i'm actually OK at something Love you mom.
>be me >neet loser >hate myself >not good at anything >it's pizza friday >my mom makes the pizza dough, and i make the rest of it 69 KB JPG >mom usually doesn't have pizza >eat my pizza upstairs in my room >tasty.png >go downstairs for more >my mom calls me into her room >"hey anon, i ate some of you pizza, hope you don't mind >whatever.avi >"you make really good pizzas anon. they're the best i've ever tasted" >mom makes my bro try some of the pizza >he loves it aswell >mfw i'm actually OK at something Love you mom.

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You are anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/20(Fri)22:32:34 No.817682610 > be me > You are now me > Have fun with you terrible life 203 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/03/20(Fri)22:32:34 No.817682610 > be me > You are now me > Have fun with you terrible life 203 KB JPG

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Anti-triple masker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 06M4GWWU 01/31/21(Sun)01:29:40 No.305919156 >Look sir, I completely understand where you're coming from, but I'm afraid that, as per store policy, I just cannot have you entering with only 3 masks on. 126 KB JPG
: Anonymous (ID: 06M4GWWU 01/31/21(Sun)01:29:40 No.305919156 >Look sir, I completely understand where you're coming from, but I'm afraid that, as per store policy, I just cannot have you entering with only 3 masks on. 126 KB JPG

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Anon steps out of his comfort zone | /r/Greentext

DEST ROY >tfw remembering that time i decided to go outside of my comfort zone for once and participate in a race at the roller-skate club >ended up behind by two laps when everyone else had already finished >everyone watching me fall on my ass over and over alone for two laps while I try not to look like im about to cry
DEST ROY >tfw remembering that time i decided to go outside of my comfort zone for once and participate in a race at the roller-skate club >ended up behind by two laps when everyone else had already finished >everyone watching me fall on my ass over and over alone for two laps while I try not to look like im about to cry

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Anon wins the lottery | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)20:49:08 No.846236091 lottery.jpg 73 KB JPG >WHO WON THE LOTTERY? I DID >SMELL THAT AIR, COULDN'T YA JUST DRINK IT LIKE ВOOZE EhEaНEaНЕНаЕEaНEaHЕ 2 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)20:49:08 No.846236091 lottery.jpg 73 KB JPG >WHO WON THE LOTTERY? I DID >SMELL THAT AIR, COULDN'T YA JUST DRINK IT LIKE ВOOZE EhEaНEaНЕНаЕEaНEaHЕ 2 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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based anon schools uppity college frau | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)12:02:10 No.846241131 >Be me, freshman year college, 2010 >Make friends with German woman during orientation >Late 20's qt3.14, but married >Go to psych class oh s--- she's there >Sit next to each other 45 KB JPG >Took German class for credit pre reqs >She always helps me learning vocab and pronunciation >She always makes light hearted jokes about the US, never mean spirited >One day we are in commons are, her chair is always squeeking >"Oh look, you silly Americans can't even get chair manufacturing right." >Smiles.jpg >I laugh >"Yeah, I guess you're right, but you know what we DID get right?" >"What's that anon." > I lean in close..."The war." >Acts huffy, grabs her purse, leaves >Sits away from me in psych class from then on Wish I would have finished the year out with her tutoring, but I didn't expect that strong of a reaction. I think about %3D this from time to time.
: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)12:02:10 No.846241131 >Be me, freshman year college, 2010 >Make friends with German woman during orientation >Late 20's qt3.14, but married >Go to psych class oh s--- she's there >Sit next to each other 45 KB JPG >Took German class for credit pre reqs >She always helps me learning vocab and pronunciation >She always makes light hearted jokes about the US, never mean spirited >One day we are in commons are, her chair is always squeeking >"Oh look, you silly Americans can't even get chair manufacturing right." >Smiles.jpg >I laugh >"Yeah, I guess you're right, but you know what we DID get right?" >"What's that anon." > I lean in close..."The war." >Acts huffy, grabs her purse, leaves >Sits away from me in psych class from then on Wish I would have finished the year out with her tutoring, but I didn't expect that strong of a reaction. I think about %3D this from time to time.

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Anon is ingenious | /r/Greentext

: 0907339847280 12/29/20(Tue)00:59:41 No.61591858 >be me >be fapping day and night >stupid mom keeps not knocking on the door and just barging in >hadn't gotten caught yet, but I PEPÉTZU. THE ART OF WAR had some close calls >hatch a plan >decide to sit naked in my room 85 KB JPG all day so she'll be embarrassed next time it happens >all day I'm sitting in my chair >it happened >she ALWAYS knocks now Sometimes you gotta lose the battle to win the war
: 0907339847280 12/29/20(Tue)00:59:41 No.61591858 >be me >be fapping day and night >stupid mom keeps not knocking on the door and just barging in >hadn't gotten caught yet, but I PEPÉTZU. THE ART OF WAR had some close calls >hatch a plan >decide to sit naked in my room 85 KB JPG all day so she'll be embarrassed next time it happens >all day I'm sitting in my chair >it happened >she ALWAYS knocks now Sometimes you gotta lose the battle to win the war

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anon has gay friends | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)23:17:14 No.846225291 >>846225369 > be me > have female friends > figure out all of them are lesbian > my appearance turned them gay mfw O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)23:18:19 No.846225369 >>846225291 (OP) Pretend to be a girl and then f--- them.
O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)23:17:14 No.846225291 >>846225369 > be me > have female friends > figure out all of them are lesbian > my appearance turned them gay mfw O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)23:18:19 No.846225369 >>846225291 (OP) Pretend to be a girl and then f--- them.

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Green Text motorbike go brrrrrr | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/18(Fri)13:27:00 No.470946- >mfw I see a motorbike go past zzzZ00000000OM 25 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 07/27/18(Fri)13:27:00 No.470946- >mfw I see a motorbike go past zzzZ00000000OM 25 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon is black | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)20:02:51 No.846237030 >be me >born black, 3rd child >parents are actually wealthy when born because some doctor almost killed my mom or something >go to school with a bunch of white people 36 KB JPG >pretty good time at school, popular and school is good because white neighborhood >parents had apparently spent most of the money (like 2mil) by the time I was in 3rd grade >problems in there relationship >divorce.png >mom moves to s----- part of town, so does dad >school is now all black tarde >get bullied because I talk different >siblings all start talking more black to fit in, works, but there grades are now s--- >make fun of me for sounding white >w--.jpeg >become depressed loner in middle school who hates family >s--- continues like this until high school >go to some school for "smart kids" >easy street again >go to college >get stem degree >have jobs where I make 75k >sibling update >little sister had two kids and is divorced >brother is currently eating trendies in my grandma's one bedroom apartment >older sister is working at a meh job or some s--- but doing okay >tfw trying to fit in got them nothing I have no problem being black but changing yourself to be a tard just because it's cool is f------ stupid
: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)20:02:51 No.846237030 >be me >born black, 3rd child >parents are actually wealthy when born because some doctor almost killed my mom or something >go to school with a bunch of white people 36 KB JPG >pretty good time at school, popular and school is good because white neighborhood >parents had apparently spent most of the money (like 2mil) by the time I was in 3rd grade >problems in there relationship >divorce.png >mom moves to s----- part of town, so does dad >school is now all black tarde >get bullied because I talk different >siblings all start talking more black to fit in, works, but there grades are now s--- >make fun of me for sounding white >w--.jpeg >become depressed loner in middle school who hates family >s--- continues like this until high school >go to some school for "smart kids" >easy street again >go to college >get stem degree >have jobs where I make 75k >sibling update >little sister had two kids and is divorced >brother is currently eating trendies in my grandma's one bedroom apartment >older sister is working at a meh job or some s--- but doing okay >tfw trying to fit in got them nothing I have no problem being black but changing yourself to be a tard just because it's cool is f------ stupid

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9/11 the proto-meme | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: CYaRgWDp 07/28/17(Fri)08:3 >>135275894 >>135276090 >>135276165 >>135277069 >>135278 >>135286564 >>135286951 >>135289136 >>135289396 >>135290 >Brother is a history teacher for kids in 5th grade >Told me he brought up 9/11 to his class >Said kids went instantly insane >They didn't know it was real >One kid said he thought it was just a meme
O Anonymous (ID: CYaRgWDp 07/28/17(Fri)08:3 >>135275894 >>135276090 >>135276165 >>135277069 >>135278 >>135286564 >>135286951 >>135289136 >>135289396 >>135290 >Brother is a history teacher for kids in 5th grade >Told me he brought up 9/11 to his class >Said kids went instantly insane >They didn't know it was real >One kid said he thought it was just a meme

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Anon is no longer virgin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/18/20(Fri)11:19:20 No.61442953 >be me >be a month and a half ago >tired of being a f------ virgin so I get on tinder and raw dog (which she didn't seem to mind) the first fat chick I match with feels good man 9 KB PNG >be almost a month later >fatty tells me she has been late on her period so she did a pregnancy test and it came out positive >freak the hell out and deny everything >block her from everything but she keeps trying to contact me, fortunately she doesn't know where I live >decide to just lay low and keep ignoring her and it'll eventually go away >be a couple of weeks ago >friend of hers contacts me to tell me she got the rona >be today >just got a message from her friend, turns out the bitch died of covid >feels immense relief sometimes God is really looking out for you
: Anonymous 12/18/20(Fri)11:19:20 No.61442953 >be me >be a month and a half ago >tired of being a f------ virgin so I get on tinder and raw dog (which she didn't seem to mind) the first fat chick I match with feels good man 9 KB PNG >be almost a month later >fatty tells me she has been late on her period so she did a pregnancy test and it came out positive >freak the hell out and deny everything >block her from everything but she keeps trying to contact me, fortunately she doesn't know where I live >decide to just lay low and keep ignoring her and it'll eventually go away >be a couple of weeks ago >friend of hers contacts me to tell me she got the rona >be today >just got a message from her friend, turns out the bitch died of covid >feels immense relief sometimes God is really looking out for you

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Anon likes oranges | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)21:44:24 No.43247 >spearheaded the vtuber meme >maximum soul >millions of fans >got his own television show was he the most successful vtuber to date, /vt/? 14 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)21:44:24 No.43247 >spearheaded the vtuber meme >maximum soul >millions of fans >got his own television show was he the most successful vtuber to date, /vt/? 14 KB JPG

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