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Anon eats beans | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/18(Thu)19:43:06 No.774781681 >be me, serbian >5 November, 1885 >Serbo-Bulgarian war just started >me and my buddies starving >there's this new thing called "canned food" 55 KB JPG >we find a can of beans >open it >tastyasfuck.jpg >hear from the distance "ХА, ТЕЗИ НЕГРИ ЯДАТ ФАСУЛ"
: Anonymous 07/19/18(Thu)19:43:06 No.774781681 >be me, serbian >5 November, 1885 >Serbo-Bulgarian war just started >me and my buddies starving >there's this new thing called "canned food" 55 KB JPG >we find a can of beans >open it >tastyasfuck.jpg >hear from the distance "ХА, ТЕЗИ НЕГРИ ЯДАТ ФАСУЛ"

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anon has changed God | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/18(Mon)15:31:43 No.775174032 e>be me >16 years old PUR >some roastie is mean to me for no reason >constantly makes fun of my looks >want to beat the s--- out of her so 31 KB JPG bad >I can't because l'd get suspended and everyone likes her for some reason >l pray to god every night >ask him to make her pay >nothing ever happens >realize God won't help but I know someone who will >pray to Chris Brown instead >beg him to help me >the next day at school >she's not there >it turns out her boyfriend got upset and beat her >she was in a coma for two months then transferred to another school Thanks, Chris Brown.
: Anonymous 07/23/18(Mon)15:31:43 No.775174032 e>be me >16 years old PUR >some roastie is mean to me for no reason >constantly makes fun of my looks >want to beat the s--- out of her so 31 KB JPG bad >I can't because l'd get suspended and everyone likes her for some reason >l pray to god every night >ask him to make her pay >nothing ever happens >realize God won't help but I know someone who will >pray to Chris Brown instead >beg him to help me >the next day at school >she's not there >it turns out her boyfriend got upset and beat her >she was in a coma for two months then transferred to another school Thanks, Chris Brown.

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Anon forgets to lock the door | /r/Greentext

>be me >7th grade >in class shitrumbles.mp3 >ask to go to bathroom >have funny idea >squat over the bowl like a frog 150 KB PNG kek.png >hear bathroom door open >ignore it >half squeeze out a log >door bursts open fear.jpeg >s--- slurps back into me >other guy pisses himself Tong time later >browsing r/greentext because redditfag >see a greentext about these exact events from the other guys perspective mfw he's probably reading this right now uhh hey anon, haven't seen you in a while.
>be me >7th grade >in class shitrumbles.mp3 >ask to go to bathroom >have funny idea >squat over the bowl like a frog 150 KB PNG kek.png >hear bathroom door open >ignore it >half squeeze out a log >door bursts open fear.jpeg >s--- slurps back into me >other guy pisses himself Tong time later >browsing r/greentext because redditfag >see a greentext about these exact events from the other guys perspective mfw he's probably reading this right now uhh hey anon, haven't seen you in a while.

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Anon got bad parents | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)07:59:13 No.50581767 >Be me >3 years old >at the playground > girl asks me to play with her >sure, why not? >mom calls me to go home >grin on her face 62 KB JPG >"hey anon who's your girlfriend" >embarrassed for some reason >mom continues to bother me >whenever she sees me with any girl she would pull this s--- >dad does this too >this goes on for the next couple years >7th grade >avoid girls completely to not be bothered at home > do this till the end of high school > Now in college > mfw I have no clue how to interact with girls, I just avoid them > mfw I visit home and my mom asks me why I don't have a girlfriend
: Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)07:59:13 No.50581767 >Be me >3 years old >at the playground > girl asks me to play with her >sure, why not? >mom calls me to go home >grin on her face 62 KB JPG >"hey anon who's your girlfriend" >embarrassed for some reason >mom continues to bother me >whenever she sees me with any girl she would pull this s--- >dad does this too >this goes on for the next couple years >7th grade >avoid girls completely to not be bothered at home > do this till the end of high school > Now in college > mfw I have no clue how to interact with girls, I just avoid them > mfw I visit home and my mom asks me why I don't have a girlfriend

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Anon listens to music | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 85112604 Vor 2 Std. ... >>85111152 >>85111277 >be me >few years ago >on a 9 hour bus ride with school >no friends >ignore everyone and listen to music for the whole ride until we arrive 80,9 kB JPG >ride back >"Hey, you seem to have a lot of music on your phone. Mind if we join?" >leavemethefuckalone.jpg| >still, agree to do it >start with The Zombies, Jeff Buckley, Waits, Bowie, XTC, etc. >stuff that normies can easily enjoy (but wasn't in the mood for at the time, had a few albums planned to listen to at the ride back) >slightly drift into a more experimental direction and see how far I can push it >get more and more experimental (though never above a certain level) >start enjoying hosting the music now and I'm glad they asked me >tfw people enjoyed all of it >tfw regularly invite people over to my house to check out new music now >tfw got 2 of them into collecting records now Sometimes you just need the right people to hang out with who are open to new stuff.
Anonymous 85112604 Vor 2 Std. ... >>85111152 >>85111277 >be me >few years ago >on a 9 hour bus ride with school >no friends >ignore everyone and listen to music for the whole ride until we arrive 80,9 kB JPG >ride back >"Hey, you seem to have a lot of music on your phone. Mind if we join?" >leavemethefuckalone.jpg| >still, agree to do it >start with The Zombies, Jeff Buckley, Waits, Bowie, XTC, etc. >stuff that normies can easily enjoy (but wasn't in the mood for at the time, had a few albums planned to listen to at the ride back) >slightly drift into a more experimental direction and see how far I can push it >get more and more experimental (though never above a certain level) >start enjoying hosting the music now and I'm glad they asked me >tfw people enjoyed all of it >tfw regularly invite people over to my house to check out new music now >tfw got 2 of them into collecting records now Sometimes you just need the right people to hang out with who are open to new stuff.

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Anon is a pirate | /r/Greentext

No.58814580 February 6 >downloading movie on torrents >gets to 94.6 % and stops >leave it overnight >next day 98.2% >wait another day, finally at 100% >rub hands together, "finally time to watch this movie" >navigate to folder >230 .rars >open first one >archive is corrupted >go to mininova comments to rage >see someone suggest using winrar recovery >winrar recovery takes an hour >open first rar again >see that the archive contains a 4.2GB ISO file >no idea what an iso file is, extract anyway >Fat32 formatted hard drives cannot support files larger than 4GB >download a linux distro >boot into linux and resize hard drive partitions >make a new 4.3GB NTFS partition >boot back into windows >open first rar >extract >sorry, not enough space on the drive >check new partition capacity >lt's only 3.9GB >400MB disappeared into nowhere >learn that formatting a drive takes up raw space with a file allocation table >boot back into linix, delete partition, resize other partition, make new 10GB ntfs partition >boot back into windows >open first rar >extract >no idea how to play .iso file >find you can open it with 7zip >extract the .vobs >open vob file with media player >it's not the movie I wanted and it's in a foreign language with hard coded Swedish subtitles 12 replies
No.58814580 February 6 >downloading movie on torrents >gets to 94.6 % and stops >leave it overnight >next day 98.2% >wait another day, finally at 100% >rub hands together, "finally time to watch this movie" >navigate to folder >230 .rars >open first one >archive is corrupted >go to mininova comments to rage >see someone suggest using winrar recovery >winrar recovery takes an hour >open first rar again >see that the archive contains a 4.2GB ISO file >no idea what an iso file is, extract anyway >Fat32 formatted hard drives cannot support files larger than 4GB >download a linux distro >boot into linux and resize hard drive partitions >make a new 4.3GB NTFS partition >boot back into windows >open first rar >extract >sorry, not enough space on the drive >check new partition capacity >lt's only 3.9GB >400MB disappeared into nowhere >learn that formatting a drive takes up raw space with a file allocation table >boot back into linix, delete partition, resize other partition, make new 10GB ntfs partition >boot back into windows >open first rar >extract >no idea how to play .iso file >find you can open it with 7zip >extract the .vobs >open vob file with media player >it's not the movie I wanted and it's in a foreign language with hard coded Swedish subtitles 12 replies

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Anon is a businessman | /r/Greentext

No.772995598 06/30/18(Sat)05:29:45 R14kkDj.jpg JPG 35.1 KiB 657x527 >be me >be in 5th grade >class is planning field trip, need money >everyone needs to bring 20 dollars >go home, ask mom for 30 dollars so I can have 10 dollars extra for myself >mom doesn't believe me, goes to friend's house who lives on the same street >ohshit.gif >comes back angry, saying I need to pay more attention in class meetings >tfw I found out my friend told his parents that he needed 50 dollars
No.772995598 06/30/18(Sat)05:29:45 R14kkDj.jpg JPG 35.1 KiB 657x527 >be me >be in 5th grade >class is planning field trip, need money >everyone needs to bring 20 dollars >go home, ask mom for 30 dollars so I can have 10 dollars extra for myself >mom doesn't believe me, goes to friend's house who lives on the same street >ohshit.gif >comes back angry, saying I need to pay more attention in class meetings >tfw I found out my friend told his parents that he needed 50 dollars

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Anon has Inception like dream. | /r/Greentext

>sleeping >realize l'm dreaming >instead of doing cool lucid dream stuff I'm overcome with a paniced need to wake up >force myself awake >don't actually wake up, just wake up into a different dream 66 КВ GIF >still aware that I am asleep >still have panic to need to get up >try force myself awake again >just wake up into another dream, panic and urge to wake up intensifies >repeat process 20 times >finally wake up for real >so much sleep inertia that I can't stay awake >try to will myself to stay awake >roll nat 1 >straight back into the cycle of trying to awaken from inside my dreams >10 more iterations of the dream >finally wake up for real and able to stay awake this happens to me at least twice a week
>sleeping >realize l'm dreaming >instead of doing cool lucid dream stuff I'm overcome with a paniced need to wake up >force myself awake >don't actually wake up, just wake up into a different dream 66 КВ GIF >still aware that I am asleep >still have panic to need to get up >try force myself awake again >just wake up into another dream, panic and urge to wake up intensifies >repeat process 20 times >finally wake up for real >so much sleep inertia that I can't stay awake >try to will myself to stay awake >roll nat 1 >straight back into the cycle of trying to awaken from inside my dreams >10 more iterations of the dream >finally wake up for real and able to stay awake this happens to me at least twice a week

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Anon loves legos | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/21(Fri)21:27:33 No.61878375 >be me 31 robot >love legos >inb4 cringe I dont care I love to build them >l will be 30 next week >visit parents today >they are like "what do you want for your big day anon" 13 KB PNG >l tell them nothing just like every year >"but anon you didn't want anything for the last 5 years, and this is your 30th birthday you can ask anything" >really? >"yeah, what do you need a new mobile or a computer Yesterday they announced that new samsung phone do you want that?" >l would like lego taj mahal >they go a------ crazy >"WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS WANT STUFF LIKE THIS, WHY DONT YOU WANT ANYTHING NORMAL" >okay okay forget it I don't want anything And we started to talk about something else. Why are normies like this? They asked me what do I want. I dont want a f------ phone (which is 1300 euros btw, while lego taj mahal is 300). 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 01/15/21(Fri)21:27:33 No.61878375 >be me 31 robot >love legos >inb4 cringe I dont care I love to build them >l will be 30 next week >visit parents today >they are like "what do you want for your big day anon" 13 KB PNG >l tell them nothing just like every year >"but anon you didn't want anything for the last 5 years, and this is your 30th birthday you can ask anything" >really? >"yeah, what do you need a new mobile or a computer Yesterday they announced that new samsung phone do you want that?" >l would like lego taj mahal >they go a------ crazy >"WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS WANT STUFF LIKE THIS, WHY DONT YOU WANT ANYTHING NORMAL" >okay okay forget it I don't want anything And we started to talk about something else. Why are normies like this? They asked me what do I want. I dont want a f------ phone (which is 1300 euros btw, while lego taj mahal is 300). 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon discovers evolution | /r/Greentext

CLICK, CLACK, MOO Cows That Type >Be me as a kid >Love the book "Click Clack Moo, Cows That Type" >Be me as a teen >Enjoy Animal Farm immensely >Be me as an adult 275 KB JPG >Crippling hypnotized-cow-girl- hentai fetish The most marvelous of evolutions
CLICK, CLACK, MOO Cows That Type >Be me as a kid >Love the book "Click Clack Moo, Cows That Type" >Be me as a teen >Enjoy Animal Farm immensely >Be me as an adult 275 KB JPG >Crippling hypnotized-cow-girl- hentai fetish The most marvelous of evolutions

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Anon finds a friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 761573897 9 min. ago 4chan I blame you. >be me, 17 >just got license >home alone, want McD's >Drive in my Mom's minivan >4chan has been daily browsing for me at this point >drive through >"Yeah, uhm, can I get a 10 pc of some chicken tendies?" >whatthefuckdidljustsay.exe has been executed >this m----------- says "sure anon" >oneofus.jpg >drive to window, embarrassed af >guy is 20 something, says "you seem chill" and passes me note with his twitter >dm him >now best friends.
Anonymous | 761573897 9 min. ago 4chan I blame you. >be me, 17 >just got license >home alone, want McD's >Drive in my Mom's minivan >4chan has been daily browsing for me at this point >drive through >"Yeah, uhm, can I get a 10 pc of some chicken tendies?" >whatthefuckdidljustsay.exe has been executed >this m----------- says "sure anon" >oneofus.jpg >drive to window, embarrassed af >guy is 20 something, says "you seem chill" and passes me note with his twitter >dm him >now best friends.

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anon hires an escort | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/21 (Fri)18:46:28 No.844936687 RT, Vi +V, 10hars (m +m)RT , RT m, RT, (m, +m, )RT, P; (m, + m,)T, m, T Tisat -Gm, Gm 二. TBsat 2 sat 3 1sat 2sat R u,(x + rp2) * – 20 5ỷ – 0žx + dz 1601638899698.jpg| 180 KB JPG >hire escort >she tells me its $100 for a--- >agree >meet her at her hotel room >pull down pants and start to put on condom >she walks behind me >feel something enter my ass >chickdick.tmp >she c--- >tells me thanks and gives me $100 >mfw
: Anonymous 01/15/21 (Fri)18:46:28 No.844936687 RT, Vi +V, 10hars (m +m)RT , RT m, RT, (m, +m, )RT, P; (m, + m,)T, m, T Tisat -Gm, Gm 二. TBsat 2 sat 3 1sat 2sat R u,(x + rp2) * – 20 5ỷ – 0žx + dz 1601638899698.jpg| 180 KB JPG >hire escort >she tells me its $100 for a--- >agree >meet her at her hotel room >pull down pants and start to put on condom >she walks behind me >feel something enter my ass >chickdick.tmp >she c--- >tells me thanks and gives me $100 >mfw

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Anon helps his neighbor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 52353826 leri >have cute cardiobunny neighbour >she asks me if we can go running together >women running outside have been r---- and killed in our city, so she wants to take me with her for protection >we have been doing this once a week for a year, getting take out food afterwards 1,5 MB JPG Have I made it, /fit/? 34 REPLIES 63 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 52353835 Jeri •.. why haven't you r---- and killed her yet? 21 REPLIES
Anonymous | 52353826 leri >have cute cardiobunny neighbour >she asks me if we can go running together >women running outside have been r---- and killed in our city, so she wants to take me with her for protection >we have been doing this once a week for a year, getting take out food afterwards 1,5 MB JPG Have I made it, /fit/? 34 REPLIES 63 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 52353835 Jeri •.. why haven't you r---- and killed her yet? 21 REPLIES

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Anon's family | /r/Greentext

AnonymouS No.6230655674 minutes ago >be 23 >marry hot chick cougar who's husband died >rebound sex was cray >she has daughter my age >my single dad thinks my wife's daughter is a fox >wtfdad.jpg >they date for a few months and get married. >my stepdaughter is now my stepmother >my father is my son in law. >w--.exe >have kid with cougar wife >dad has kid with my stepdaughter >my baby became a brother in law to dad >my baby is now my uncle >Jerry springer.PNG >my dad's kid is my sister and my stepdaughters baby thus my grandchild >my wife is my step-mothers mother who is now a grandma to my new half-sibling >l am married to my grandma >l am my own grandpa.
AnonymouS No.6230655674 minutes ago >be 23 >marry hot chick cougar who's husband died >rebound sex was cray >she has daughter my age >my single dad thinks my wife's daughter is a fox >wtfdad.jpg >they date for a few months and get married. >my stepdaughter is now my stepmother >my father is my son in law. >w--.exe >have kid with cougar wife >dad has kid with my stepdaughter >my baby became a brother in law to dad >my baby is now my uncle >Jerry springer.PNG >my dad's kid is my sister and my stepdaughters baby thus my grandchild >my wife is my step-mothers mother who is now a grandma to my new half-sibling >l am married to my grandma >l am my own grandpa.

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anon turns the tables | /r/Greentext

How about a /devilish/ thread? >At uni >Girl calls me a loser 63 KB JPG >over the line >Find her facebook >She has a boyfriend >Everything is public >Perfect >Save her pictures, learn her interests >Make an okcupid account >Fill it out with her info >Interact with others a little >Make a fake Chad facebook account >Message her boyfriend >"Hey bro sorry to bring this up but I was on okcupid and I do google searches of my dates, found your gf on it. Thought I should let you know." >bf messages me back "wow dude thanks for telling me." >A few days later check her facebook >Relationship: Single. %3D Who is the loser now?
How about a /devilish/ thread? >At uni >Girl calls me a loser 63 KB JPG >over the line >Find her facebook >She has a boyfriend >Everything is public >Perfect >Save her pictures, learn her interests >Make an okcupid account >Fill it out with her info >Interact with others a little >Make a fake Chad facebook account >Message her boyfriend >"Hey bro sorry to bring this up but I was on okcupid and I do google searches of my dates, found your gf on it. Thought I should let you know." >bf messages me back "wow dude thanks for telling me." >A few days later check her facebook >Relationship: Single. %3D Who is the loser now?

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Anon is a gamer | /r/Greentext

File: 1608499208340.png (338 KB, 750x734) Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)09:39:56 No.540431254 >>540432119 >>540432136 >>540432240 >»540432302 >>540432346 >>540434872 >>540434987 >>540436842 >>540437287 >>540440384 >>540441318 >>540441467 >Difficulty: Tell Me a Story >Aim Assist: On >Weapon Sway: Off >Invisibility While Prone: On >Slow Motion While Aiming: On >Autosave Before Every Encounter: On >Enemy Perception: Low >Enemy Accuracy: Low >Boss Fight Skip Option: On >100% Walkthrough open >Discord open for emotional support Time to game.
File: 1608499208340.png (338 KB, 750x734) Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)09:39:56 No.540431254 >>540432119 >>540432136 >>540432240 >»540432302 >>540432346 >>540434872 >>540434987 >>540436842 >>540437287 >>540440384 >>540441318 >>540441467 >Difficulty: Tell Me a Story >Aim Assist: On >Weapon Sway: Off >Invisibility While Prone: On >Slow Motion While Aiming: On >Autosave Before Every Encounter: On >Enemy Perception: Low >Enemy Accuracy: Low >Boss Fight Skip Option: On >100% Walkthrough open >Discord open for emotional support Time to game.

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anon doesn't axe murder someone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/06/16(Tue)00:35:04 No.702755839 >three years ago >really drunk >post my number on 4chan asking someone to call me and tell me a story til i fall asleep >this bald m------------ right here calls me 234 KB JPG >tells me a story about a bear who switches places with a human for a day >many keks til i fall asleep >becomes a weekly ritual >time goes on and its less stories and more general conversation >three years later hes getting married >asks me to be the best man in his wedding >whythefucknot.jpg >fly up the coast to stay at his house for the weekend >friends and family all know 'of' me so its kinda weird >but everyones really f------ chill especially his friends probably one of the best weekends of my life, all thanks to /b/. and to think i was gonna axe murder him.
: Anonymous 09/06/16(Tue)00:35:04 No.702755839 >three years ago >really drunk >post my number on 4chan asking someone to call me and tell me a story til i fall asleep >this bald m------------ right here calls me 234 KB JPG >tells me a story about a bear who switches places with a human for a day >many keks til i fall asleep >becomes a weekly ritual >time goes on and its less stories and more general conversation >three years later hes getting married >asks me to be the best man in his wedding >whythefucknot.jpg >fly up the coast to stay at his house for the weekend >friends and family all know 'of' me so its kinda weird >but everyones really f------ chill especially his friends probably one of the best weekends of my life, all thanks to /b/. and to think i was gonna axe murder him.

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Anon makes hot chocolate | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/15/18(Thu)15:36:06 No.49300363 > be me > snowing > walk home > make hot chocolate > its good thank you hot chocolate 302 KB PNG 20 Replies / 8 Images View Thread
Anonymous 11/15/18(Thu)15:36:06 No.49300363 > be me > snowing > walk home > make hot chocolate > its good thank you hot chocolate 302 KB PNG 20 Replies / 8 Images View Thread

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Bradley is confused | /r/Greentext

R: 4 Why does everyone on here keep calling me anon or OP? My name is Bradley.
R: 4 Why does everyone on here keep calling me anon or OP? My name is Bradley.

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Anon likes Among Us | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/21(Fri)20:29:45 No.61873459 >be me >August 2020 >learn about Henry Stickmin remaster >fuckyesmate.webm >see Innersloths other game among us >game is mix of comedy and 20 KB JPG horror >fun.jpg >game explodes in popularity >normies infect the game like a disease >Everywhere I go I see s-----, unfunny memes RED SUS GREEN SUS >this s--- is worse than fnaf and undertale >mfw I got into Among Us too late >mfw the normies ruined another indie game
: Anonymous 01/15/21(Fri)20:29:45 No.61873459 >be me >August 2020 >learn about Henry Stickmin remaster >fuckyesmate.webm >see Innersloths other game among us >game is mix of comedy and 20 KB JPG horror >fun.jpg >game explodes in popularity >normies infect the game like a disease >Everywhere I go I see s-----, unfunny memes RED SUS GREEN SUS >this s--- is worse than fnaf and undertale >mfw I got into Among Us too late >mfw the normies ruined another indie game

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