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anon gets punched | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 162 KB JPG 08/22/22(Mon)02:31:56 No.884323083 >be me couple months ago >on vacation with family >prick aunt makes dumbass joke about a cigar to me >i acknowledge that she made a joke but don't laugh since it wasn't funny >"why do you always ignore people, anon?" >mfw she punches me after that >mfw everyone in my family gangs up on me for getting mad >mfw dumbass aunt tries to apologize like she didn't just punch a kid for no reason
Anonymous 162 KB JPG 08/22/22(Mon)02:31:56 No.884323083 >be me couple months ago >on vacation with family >prick aunt makes dumbass joke about a cigar to me >i acknowledge that she made a joke but don't laugh since it wasn't funny >"why do you always ignore people, anon?" >mfw she punches me after that >mfw everyone in my family gangs up on me for getting mad >mfw dumbass aunt tries to apologize like she didn't just punch a kid for no reason

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i know this isn’t funny but still an important PSA | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 169 KB JPG loosing his son 03/16/18(Fri)01:07:26 No.4517231C >Be paramedic >Seen dozens of suicides in the last 8 years >The reactions of the loved ones are always bad >None is ever worse than a dad There is not a thing in this world that is more depressing sounding than a man sobbing while clutching his sons lifeless body. I remember one who killed himself by shotgun slug after he came back from Iraq. There was nothing left of him, and his father got home just as we were getting ready to leave. I couldn't let him see, so I stood there and just didn't let him through. He went downstairs to the basement and clutched his sons old baseball glove, rocking back and forth, just saying "papas here, buddy, papas here." Don't do it anons. >>45172699 #
Anonymous 169 KB JPG loosing his son 03/16/18(Fri)01:07:26 No.4517231C >Be paramedic >Seen dozens of suicides in the last 8 years >The reactions of the loved ones are always bad >None is ever worse than a dad There is not a thing in this world that is more depressing sounding than a man sobbing while clutching his sons lifeless body. I remember one who killed himself by shotgun slug after he came back from Iraq. There was nothing left of him, and his father got home just as we were getting ready to leave. I couldn't let him see, so I stood there and just didn't let him through. He went downstairs to the basement and clutched his sons old baseball glove, rocking back and forth, just saying "papas here, buddy, papas here." Don't do it anons. >>45172699 #

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Anon is a furry | /r/Greentext

Anonymous f 01/23/22(Sun)14:23:53 No.586123768 Furry: First Contact Flashgitz 156K views 2 hours ago spacemarine.png 1.07 MB PNG 4:46 >Dude furries are le bad >I am going to make an animation of spacemarines shooting them People still make this cringe? Do they not realize it's not 207 anymore? Nobody cares
Anonymous f 01/23/22(Sun)14:23:53 No.586123768 Furry: First Contact Flashgitz 156K views 2 hours ago spacemarine.png 1.07 MB PNG 4:46 >Dude furries are le bad >I am going to make an animation of spacemarines shooting them People still make this cringe? Do they not realize it's not 207 anymore? Nobody cares

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anon is in his prime | /r/Greentext

File: 299195816_622008169354033(...).png (1.02 MB, 1920x1080) [Return] [Catalog] [Top] [Update] [Auto] Anonymous 08/22/22(Mon)02:09:26 No.69905133 >be in early 20s >instant chainsmoker mfw i light another c--------
File: 299195816_622008169354033(...).png (1.02 MB, 1920x1080) [Return] [Catalog] [Top] [Update] [Auto] Anonymous 08/22/22(Mon)02:09:26 No.69905133 >be in early 20s >instant chainsmoker mfw i light another c--------

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Anon the Hacker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 43 KB JPG 07/06/22(Wed)10:42:13 No.881504467 >be hacker >run HACKINGv2.EXE >"sign in as:" >choose my account >"hello XxloliFucker6969xX >press on hack >"this bank have 6M do you wish hack it all?" >press yes and choose to transfer all the money to my friend account and then to my personal accout >this is called money laundry >MFW i trolled by friend and put him in jail and no one knows it >hear police knocking on my door >look at my pc and notice i didn't run my free vpn >too obese to run >hacked the jail wifi to post this
: Anonymous 43 KB JPG 07/06/22(Wed)10:42:13 No.881504467 >be hacker >run HACKINGv2.EXE >"sign in as:" >choose my account >"hello XxloliFucker6969xX >press on hack >"this bank have 6M do you wish hack it all?" >press yes and choose to transfer all the money to my friend account and then to my personal accout >this is called money laundry >MFW i trolled by friend and put him in jail and no one knows it >hear police knocking on my door >look at my pc and notice i didn't run my free vpn >too obese to run >hacked the jail wifi to post this

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anon is lazy and gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous F--- boomers 400 KB JPG I don't know what to do, right now, /b/. I'm f------ p-----, I hate the older generation. Why do Zoomers have it harder than any other f------ 08/22/22(Mon) 09:23:08 No.884325017 generation? F--- anyone born before 2002. F--- them all. Here's the god damned story. >I was sleeping in because it's a weekend >Wanted to sleep until at least 12 pm. >Dad wakes me up. >Says I need to help him with the yard. >Tell Dad to f--- off. >He tells me I live there and I'm not a baby anymore and should contribute and blah blah blah >Tell Dad it's his house, he pays for it, I don't. >I don't have to do s---. >Dad calls me "disrespectful" >Call him a capitalist p------------ and a slave owner >Dad takes away my laptop >Tells me I can't have it back for a week >I yell at him it's not fair >I need my laptop because I have an Instagram and tiktok and friends on there >His boomer ass tells me "life's not fair, son." >I'm basically forced to go out and mow the grass >I'm gay, only 19, and extremely feminine, I don't do f------ yardwork >f------ suffer : Anonymous How come the older generation makes it so hard for us? Zoomers literally have it worse than any other generation and the older generation loves to rub it in. I shouldn't be treated like a slave and deprived of my online friends. 14 Replies / 2 Images >884325526 # ewwwww exercise View Thread 08/22/22(Mon) 09:39:43 No.884325598
: Anonymous F--- boomers 400 KB JPG I don't know what to do, right now, /b/. I'm f------ p-----, I hate the older generation. Why do Zoomers have it harder than any other f------ 08/22/22(Mon) 09:23:08 No.884325017 generation? F--- anyone born before 2002. F--- them all. Here's the god damned story. >I was sleeping in because it's a weekend >Wanted to sleep until at least 12 pm. >Dad wakes me up. >Says I need to help him with the yard. >Tell Dad to f--- off. >He tells me I live there and I'm not a baby anymore and should contribute and blah blah blah >Tell Dad it's his house, he pays for it, I don't. >I don't have to do s---. >Dad calls me "disrespectful" >Call him a capitalist p------------ and a slave owner >Dad takes away my laptop >Tells me I can't have it back for a week >I yell at him it's not fair >I need my laptop because I have an Instagram and tiktok and friends on there >His boomer ass tells me "life's not fair, son." >I'm basically forced to go out and mow the grass >I'm gay, only 19, and extremely feminine, I don't do f------ yardwork >f------ suffer : Anonymous How come the older generation makes it so hard for us? Zoomers literally have it worse than any other generation and the older generation loves to rub it in. I shouldn't be treated like a slave and deprived of my online friends. 14 Replies / 2 Images >884325526 # ewwwww exercise View Thread 08/22/22(Mon) 09:39:43 No.884325598

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Anon tries to fry food in water | /r/Greentext

2218190590 □ Anonymous 08/04/22(Thu)09:36:41 No. 1818987718189996 Can I fry foods in water as a low-calorie alternative to oil? >> >>18189877 (OP) Yes, the Chinese refer to it as Boi-Ling Anonymous 08/04/22(Thu)09:37:23 No. 18189883 Кок Anonymous 08/04/22(Thu)09:41:17 No. 1818989618189997181099081818992318189939>>10109945 221 Anonymous 08/04/22(Thu)09:39:08 No. 18189889 Yes.
2218190590 □ Anonymous 08/04/22(Thu)09:36:41 No. 1818987718189996 Can I fry foods in water as a low-calorie alternative to oil? >> >>18189877 (OP) Yes, the Chinese refer to it as Boi-Ling Anonymous 08/04/22(Thu)09:37:23 No. 18189883 Кок Anonymous 08/04/22(Thu)09:41:17 No. 1818989618189997181099081818992318189939>>10109945 221 Anonymous 08/04/22(Thu)09:39:08 No. 18189889 Yes.

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Anon is a Plague Doctor | /r/Greentext

-] Legend of the Plague Doctor Anonymous >Dress up as plague doctor. >Walk down street to McDonalds. >Enter, walk to counter. >Hot blond girl turns around and screams. >Put on deep voice. >"DO NOT BE AFRAID, CHILD!" >Wave arms, leap onto counter. >Kickover register and charity jar. >Raise hands into air. >"PURRRRIFFFFYYYYYYYYY!" >Manager storms in, appears angry. >Moonwalk. >Kick fat kid's McFlurry from hands. >"You are fat. You need not this." >Tip hat to manager, jump from counter. >Head for door, see bitch/hot girl from high school. >She has fries, is staring with gaping jaw. >Sprint to her. >Grab her fries, slap her. >Manager shouts, tries to grab hat. >Spin around, slap him across face. >"UNHAND ME, MALE OF BROWN SKIN!" >Sparta kick the door. >Run out of store. >Walk the dinosaur. >Go home, leave without costume. >Return to McDonald's, see sign with "no dogs allowed" stuff. >See picture of plague doctor with cross-out thing on it. >LOL.
-] Legend of the Plague Doctor Anonymous >Dress up as plague doctor. >Walk down street to McDonalds. >Enter, walk to counter. >Hot blond girl turns around and screams. >Put on deep voice. >"DO NOT BE AFRAID, CHILD!" >Wave arms, leap onto counter. >Kickover register and charity jar. >Raise hands into air. >"PURRRRIFFFFYYYYYYYYY!" >Manager storms in, appears angry. >Moonwalk. >Kick fat kid's McFlurry from hands. >"You are fat. You need not this." >Tip hat to manager, jump from counter. >Head for door, see bitch/hot girl from high school. >She has fries, is staring with gaping jaw. >Sprint to her. >Grab her fries, slap her. >Manager shouts, tries to grab hat. >Spin around, slap him across face. >"UNHAND ME, MALE OF BROWN SKIN!" >Sparta kick the door. >Run out of store. >Walk the dinosaur. >Go home, leave without costume. >Return to McDonald's, see sign with "no dogs allowed" stuff. >See picture of plague doctor with cross-out thing on it. >LOL.

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Anon nearly shits himself playing Sonic '06 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 151 KB PNG 08/21/22(Sun)00:46:23 No.609689392 gather round folks, i got a lil story to tell >be me >20 or so mins ago >currently chilling with my brother, havin a nice time playin some vidya >vidya in question is sonic 06, mainly because we wanted to dog on how much of a travesty it is >finish the desert stage and prepare to fight silver le hedgehog >suddenly get insane stomach cramps mid battle >guts begin to bubble, forehead begins to sweat >oh_god.png >getting my ass handed to me by silver >stomach pains worsen >i fly too close to the sun >its_no_use.wav >lose a life >s--- begins knocking at my rectum, is definitely liquid and i am unsure if i can hold it for much longer >combat skills suddenly enhance because of increasing urge to s--- >kick silver's ass, get an a rank, then get the worse stomach pain yet >brother is laughing like a hyena because i'm literally doubled over gripping my stomach, trying not to open the floodgates >run to bathroom >have been here since this was the best s--- i've taken in my entire life.
: Anonymous 151 KB PNG 08/21/22(Sun)00:46:23 No.609689392 gather round folks, i got a lil story to tell >be me >20 or so mins ago >currently chilling with my brother, havin a nice time playin some vidya >vidya in question is sonic 06, mainly because we wanted to dog on how much of a travesty it is >finish the desert stage and prepare to fight silver le hedgehog >suddenly get insane stomach cramps mid battle >guts begin to bubble, forehead begins to sweat >oh_god.png >getting my ass handed to me by silver >stomach pains worsen >i fly too close to the sun >its_no_use.wav >lose a life >s--- begins knocking at my rectum, is definitely liquid and i am unsure if i can hold it for much longer >combat skills suddenly enhance because of increasing urge to s--- >kick silver's ass, get an a rank, then get the worse stomach pain yet >brother is laughing like a hyena because i'm literally doubled over gripping my stomach, trying not to open the floodgates >run to bathroom >have been here since this was the best s--- i've taken in my entire life.

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YouTuber invents lizard | /r/Greentext

do snake understand? and can snake control it? 1h (8/21 13:36) 4279244 >>4279227 (OP) >do snake understand? No >and can snake control Probably not 1h (8/21 13:48) - 4279251 . : >>4279227 (OP) >"Bro totally I invented a method to give snakes legs!" >*shoves a snake that moves slow as f--- n a tube with robot legs* >*Bonks its head against a wall* >"THIS IS SCIENC, FELLOW REDDITORS" Next time, please, try this s--- with a black mamba or a cobra. Not a defanged one, mind you. Shove the snake in that same tube in a tiny garage like that one and tell us how it went. Show the world how much in need of legs snakes actually are
do snake understand? and can snake control it? 1h (8/21 13:36) 4279244 >>4279227 (OP) >do snake understand? No >and can snake control Probably not 1h (8/21 13:48) - 4279251 . : >>4279227 (OP) >"Bro totally I invented a method to give snakes legs!" >*shoves a snake that moves slow as f--- n a tube with robot legs* >*Bonks its head against a wall* >"THIS IS SCIENC, FELLOW REDDITORS" Next time, please, try this s--- with a black mamba or a cobra. Not a defanged one, mind you. Shove the snake in that same tube in a tiny garage like that one and tell us how it went. Show the world how much in need of legs snakes actually are

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The Lobber | /r/Greentext

>yell "GO AWAY OR ELSE" >silence for a second >"oh s--- ITS THE LOBBER" >hear running Anonymous 08/21/22(Sun)20:31:06 No.884309004 >be me >really have to s--- >find this boy scout building >s--- in it >hear boys walking in >obviously alphas at their age >im squat pooping, feet arent touching the ground >one of the boys rattles on the door >"is someone in there? why you hiding huh?" >panic hard >have a 'tism moment >hide in there for 15 mins >walk out >boy scout instructor intercepts me >"have you happened to see a 14 year old child who violently throws his own s--- and calls himself 'The lobber'? we've gotten a report" what the f--- happened there
>yell "GO AWAY OR ELSE" >silence for a second >"oh s--- ITS THE LOBBER" >hear running Anonymous 08/21/22(Sun)20:31:06 No.884309004 >be me >really have to s--- >find this boy scout building >s--- in it >hear boys walking in >obviously alphas at their age >im squat pooping, feet arent touching the ground >one of the boys rattles on the door >"is someone in there? why you hiding huh?" >panic hard >have a 'tism moment >hide in there for 15 mins >walk out >boy scout instructor intercepts me >"have you happened to see a 14 year old child who violently throws his own s--- and calls himself 'The lobber'? we've gotten a report" what the f--- happened there

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Anon is bad at life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10 KB JPG its over 08/21/22(Sun)23:27:24 No.69907116 >be me >walk up to group of 3 girls sitting on bench >compliment the closet one and ask how's she's doing >she just looks at me >I walk away without saying anything
: Anonymous 10 KB JPG its over 08/21/22(Sun)23:27:24 No.69907116 >be me >walk up to group of 3 girls sitting on bench >compliment the closet one and ask how's she's doing >she just looks at me >I walk away without saying anything

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Anon Works Hard | /r/Greentext

38 KB JPG >be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy
38 KB JPG >be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy

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anon is based af | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 86 KB PNG 05/01/22(Sun)14:11:39 No.877299453 >be me last winter >heating system in my flat is broken >try to contact rental management by phone - no response >try contacting by text message - no response >try contacting by email - no response >goes on for 1,5 month >decide to not pay rent and leave a voice mail: "since you're not sending someone to repair the heating system, I'll hire someone myself and pay them from the rent I've retained" >come home from work the next day, 7 new voice mails Oh now you can talk
Anonymous 86 KB PNG 05/01/22(Sun)14:11:39 No.877299453 >be me last winter >heating system in my flat is broken >try to contact rental management by phone - no response >try contacting by text message - no response >try contacting by email - no response >goes on for 1,5 month >decide to not pay rent and leave a voice mail: "since you're not sending someone to repair the heating system, I'll hire someone myself and pay them from the rent I've retained" >come home from work the next day, 7 new voice mails Oh now you can talk

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Anon meets a girl. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 9 KB JPG 05/10/21(Mon)15:21:12 No.63612917 >be me >meet some girl on tinder >not that attracted to her but she's my only match >we see each other, don't kiss or anything but she wants to keep seeing each other >realize I'm only doing this cause I have no one else but I don't really want to date her >panic.exe >don't know how to stop contact and I'm too much of a p---- to just straight up tell her I don't wanna see her >keep pretending everything is alright until she gets tired of me or some divine intervention happens >be days later >she says she's having covid symptoms >that's perfect cause that means I won't be seeing her for a least two weeks so I can relax a little >she has breathing problems so she gets hospitalized >days later learn through her fb wall that she passed away >no longer feel anxious that was a close one anons. I would've married her out of social awkwardness >>63613782 # : Anonymous >>63612917 (OP) # I'm happy for your loss, anon. 05/10/21 (Mon)15:23:41 No.63612941
Anonymous 9 KB JPG 05/10/21(Mon)15:21:12 No.63612917 >be me >meet some girl on tinder >not that attracted to her but she's my only match >we see each other, don't kiss or anything but she wants to keep seeing each other >realize I'm only doing this cause I have no one else but I don't really want to date her >panic.exe >don't know how to stop contact and I'm too much of a p---- to just straight up tell her I don't wanna see her >keep pretending everything is alright until she gets tired of me or some divine intervention happens >be days later >she says she's having covid symptoms >that's perfect cause that means I won't be seeing her for a least two weeks so I can relax a little >she has breathing problems so she gets hospitalized >days later learn through her fb wall that she passed away >no longer feel anxious that was a close one anons. I would've married her out of social awkwardness >>63613782 # : Anonymous >>63612917 (OP) # I'm happy for your loss, anon. 05/10/21 (Mon)15:23:41 No.63612941

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Anon is special | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/23/18(Sat) 19:13:48 No.772383429 309 KB PNG >be 9 >playing Paper Mario >halfway through game get to part where you have to buy a quest item from a store >shop owner (toad) says item is out of stock and will be in stock soon >assume it means I have to actually WAIT for it >spend 3 IRL months checking in the game to see if the item has come in stock yet >8 years later watching a speedrun of the game >realize you didn't have to f------ wait for it, you just had to f------ continue the game and it'd come after a checkpoint
: Anonymous 06/23/18(Sat) 19:13:48 No.772383429 309 KB PNG >be 9 >playing Paper Mario >halfway through game get to part where you have to buy a quest item from a store >shop owner (toad) says item is out of stock and will be in stock soon >assume it means I have to actually WAIT for it >spend 3 IRL months checking in the game to see if the item has come in stock yet >8 years later watching a speedrun of the game >realize you didn't have to f------ wait for it, you just had to f------ continue the game and it'd come after a checkpoint

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Anon discusses kino | /r/Greentext

CASPER GRACE VAN DIER VAN DIEN ARMY DOG PRIVATE CONNOR REPORTING FOR DUTY FAMILY Anonymous 08/12/22(Fri)22:51:45 No.172539063 [Reply] The scene where Army Dog dropped agent orange on the Vietnamese was a bit much.
CASPER GRACE VAN DIER VAN DIEN ARMY DOG PRIVATE CONNOR REPORTING FOR DUTY FAMILY Anonymous 08/12/22(Fri)22:51:45 No.172539063 [Reply] The scene where Army Dog dropped agent orange on the Vietnamese was a bit much.

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The coomedians of 4chan | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 17 KB JPG >repeat >2022 08/21/22(Sun)15:50:57 No.6990228 >be me >get a credit card >buy s--- with it for 3 weeks >never pay anything off >hide credit card in the coom jar >decide to apply for another credit card in a different name >tfw coom jar has 6 debtmaxxed credit cards >tfw will be applying for another credit card this week for more free money Anonymous >>69902286 (OP) # You could say those cards are accoomulating debt 08/21/22(Sun)16:16:42 No.69902597
Anonymous 17 KB JPG >repeat >2022 08/21/22(Sun)15:50:57 No.6990228 >be me >get a credit card >buy s--- with it for 3 weeks >never pay anything off >hide credit card in the coom jar >decide to apply for another credit card in a different name >tfw coom jar has 6 debtmaxxed credit cards >tfw will be applying for another credit card this week for more free money Anonymous >>69902286 (OP) # You could say those cards are accoomulating debt 08/21/22(Sun)16:16:42 No.69902597

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Anon learns a new slur | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Opw5Unbq NEW SLUR DROPPED 08/17/22(Wed)21:30:10 No.391531573 Today at 9:20 PM ATTENTION EVERYONE A NEW SLUR HAS JUST DROPPED! I REPEAT. A NEW SLUR HAS JUST DROPPED! 12:29 1 d LIVE Following For You I see the zippertits are at it again_› Private group 2.5K members 8E3B6A68-B27D-4FA5-8801-B1D03EFAD739.jpg 138 KB JPG 37 KB JPG I REPEAT. NEW SLUR DROPPED!! : Anonymous (ID: 2ecfWoi1) 08/17/22(Wed)21:33:03 No.391531830 >>391531573 (OP) # >Zippertits MY SIDES! >>391531955 # >>391533165 #
: Anonymous (ID: Opw5Unbq NEW SLUR DROPPED 08/17/22(Wed)21:30:10 No.391531573 Today at 9:20 PM ATTENTION EVERYONE A NEW SLUR HAS JUST DROPPED! I REPEAT. A NEW SLUR HAS JUST DROPPED! 12:29 1 d LIVE Following For You I see the zippertits are at it again_› Private group 2.5K members 8E3B6A68-B27D-4FA5-8801-B1D03EFAD739.jpg 138 KB JPG 37 KB JPG I REPEAT. NEW SLUR DROPPED!! : Anonymous (ID: 2ecfWoi1) 08/17/22(Wed)21:33:03 No.391531830 >>391531573 (OP) # >Zippertits MY SIDES! >>391531955 # >>391533165 #

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anon is Brazilian | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ZRJ3xslw 387 KB JPG >>51026355 # >go to store >store gets robbed >you recognize the robber >some kid from school 08/21/22(Sun)20:52:19 No.51026494 >tell cops >cops work with gang >no witnesses allowed >they behead you >violate your wife nothing personal kid >>51026742 # >>51026754 #
: Anonymous (ID: ZRJ3xslw 387 KB JPG >>51026355 # >go to store >store gets robbed >you recognize the robber >some kid from school 08/21/22(Sun)20:52:19 No.51026494 >tell cops >cops work with gang >no witnesses allowed >they behead you >violate your wife nothing personal kid >>51026742 # >>51026754 #

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