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Anon is Sheldon Cooper | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)22:57:05 No.864809250 >be me >Sheldon Cooper >absolutely jackhammering away at my Jewish princess wife >literally solve string theory as I'm filling her with my genius seed >leap off her and run naked across the 32 KB JPG hall and kick open Leonard's door >begin erasing all his whiteboards and feverishly writing down my groundbreaking revelation >he stumbles down the hallway naked to find me with a marker in hand >begins yelling at me until he sees my work >he immediately soils himself and has an asthma attack >Leonard BTFO >Howard and Raj enter for the nightly ritual of c------ in Penny's food >Raj sees the board and for an instant reverts back to a crying baby and morphs back into a man >Raj BTFO >Mock Howard for a few minutes about not being smart enough to get it until Raj explains >Howard instantly dies and a Star of David appears on his forehead >Howard BTFO >Glowing orbs appear in my hands and multiply rapidly in the air around us >my ascension begins as I levitate through the ceiling and into the sky >look down at my catatonic former friends who are now my subjects >blow up a synagogue as I head for the stratosphere Howard BTFO again
: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)22:57:05 No.864809250 >be me >Sheldon Cooper >absolutely jackhammering away at my Jewish princess wife >literally solve string theory as I'm filling her with my genius seed >leap off her and run naked across the 32 KB JPG hall and kick open Leonard's door >begin erasing all his whiteboards and feverishly writing down my groundbreaking revelation >he stumbles down the hallway naked to find me with a marker in hand >begins yelling at me until he sees my work >he immediately soils himself and has an asthma attack >Leonard BTFO >Howard and Raj enter for the nightly ritual of c------ in Penny's food >Raj sees the board and for an instant reverts back to a crying baby and morphs back into a man >Raj BTFO >Mock Howard for a few minutes about not being smart enough to get it until Raj explains >Howard instantly dies and a Star of David appears on his forehead >Howard BTFO >Glowing orbs appear in my hands and multiply rapidly in the air around us >my ascension begins as I levitate through the ceiling and into the sky >look down at my catatonic former friends who are now my subjects >blow up a synagogue as I head for the stratosphere Howard BTFO again

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Love you dad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)03:50:24 No.64588355 >>64585149 (OP) # > dad is a welder > really hard worker, literally works himself to death 39 KB JPG > does it because he loves my family and wants to provide > comes home late, hardly ever see him > 2nd grade in primary school > in class > look at door and see my dad > "excuse me, can I take anon outside to see the eclipse?" > teacher lets me go out with my old man > never seen one before, super stoked, plus I'm happy to see my dad at school > he hands me a welding helmet like pic related and I look at the sun > only lasted about 10 minutes but is still a cherished memory
: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)03:50:24 No.64588355 >>64585149 (OP) # > dad is a welder > really hard worker, literally works himself to death 39 KB JPG > does it because he loves my family and wants to provide > comes home late, hardly ever see him > 2nd grade in primary school > in class > look at door and see my dad > "excuse me, can I take anon outside to see the eclipse?" > teacher lets me go out with my old man > never seen one before, super stoked, plus I'm happy to see my dad at school > he hands me a welding helmet like pic related and I look at the sun > only lasted about 10 minutes but is still a cherished memory

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Anon practices the ways of the gentiles | /r/Greentext

>be me > be in first grade > class go outside for recess > It's GO TIME >go to the secret hiding spot which is under the slide > l introduce all the kids in the VELKA 210 KB JPG playground to silly bandz > Evey week I tell my "frens" that a new silly bandz is the rarest and that I havs it > they all belive me > one day one a kid gives me all 50 silly bandz for my literal s----- toilet silly band! > Stuff like this happens for months > I get in trouble when I kid comes with his mom crying saying that he wasted all his saving trying to get "rare" silly bandz >I have to give back the silly bandz > I give back 2% of all the silly bandz > fast forward 12 years later > take 23andMe dna test. mfw I find out I'm 5% Ashkenazi Jew > I knew I was always up to something
>be me > be in first grade > class go outside for recess > It's GO TIME >go to the secret hiding spot which is under the slide > l introduce all the kids in the VELKA 210 KB JPG playground to silly bandz > Evey week I tell my "frens" that a new silly bandz is the rarest and that I havs it > they all belive me > one day one a kid gives me all 50 silly bandz for my literal s----- toilet silly band! > Stuff like this happens for months > I get in trouble when I kid comes with his mom crying saying that he wasted all his saving trying to get "rare" silly bandz >I have to give back the silly bandz > I give back 2% of all the silly bandz > fast forward 12 years later > take 23andMe dna test. mfw I find out I'm 5% Ashkenazi Jew > I knew I was always up to something

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Anon has a great job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/05/18(Mon)08:28:34 No.784096989 Dream job thread? I'll start: >be me >from the day one i loved videogames and wanted to work on them in the future >worked very hard to get to good 5 KB JPG school >no life because of it but thought "f--- it it will be worth it" >graduated uni, one of the best students >looking for job >this one big company asks me to make video game >yaaaaas.phd >it's f------ blizzard >it's f------ diablo mobile How do i end my life?
: Anonymous 11/05/18(Mon)08:28:34 No.784096989 Dream job thread? I'll start: >be me >from the day one i loved videogames and wanted to work on them in the future >worked very hard to get to good 5 KB JPG school >no life because of it but thought "f--- it it will be worth it" >graduated uni, one of the best students >looking for job >this one big company asks me to make video game >yaaaaas.phd >it's f------ blizzard >it's f------ diablo mobile How do i end my life?

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Anon Likes Clown Girls | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/13/21(Tue)16:30:09 No.563630186 >>563629782 # i wish clown girls were an actual race of people: >their entire skin is white >the clown nose is natural >their n------ and p---- lips have alternate colors, sometimes the same as the lips >their skin probably taste funny >imagine the taste of their breast milk >grabbing their breasts/ass causes an honk noise >>563630317 # >>563631004 # >>563633304 # >>563644378 # >>563653365 # >>563661839 # >>563662289 # >>563671340 # >>563671452 # >>563675679 # >>563679748 # >>563680864 # >>563683903 # >>563691141 # >>563692342 #
: Anonymous 07/13/21(Tue)16:30:09 No.563630186 >>563629782 # i wish clown girls were an actual race of people: >their entire skin is white >the clown nose is natural >their n------ and p---- lips have alternate colors, sometimes the same as the lips >their skin probably taste funny >imagine the taste of their breast milk >grabbing their breasts/ass causes an honk noise >>563630317 # >>563631004 # >>563633304 # >>563644378 # >>563653365 # >>563661839 # >>563662289 # >>563671340 # >>563671452 # >>563675679 # >>563679748 # >>563680864 # >>563683903 # >>563691141 # >>563692342 #

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Finger on the button | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)03:35:11 No.63876610 >take bus to gym >same time every thursday, absolutely massive shredded middle aged guy also gets the bus to the gym >he gets on the next stop from 4 KB JPG me >never spoken to him but want too, as I am DYEL and he must have good advise for me >one day notice he has fallen asleep on the bus >decide i'll wake him and use it to get advise >want to do it in a cool way >go over >grab his bicep >start pressing my thumb into it >he wakes up and looks at me, really confused >"this bicep is so BIG i thought it was the BIG BUTTON to make the bus stop" >say it in a soft voice that sounds creepy >also then stroke his arm for some reason >he grunts loudly, pushes me away and walks to the front of the bus >hear him mumble something about a creepy f-- i walk now
Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)03:35:11 No.63876610 >take bus to gym >same time every thursday, absolutely massive shredded middle aged guy also gets the bus to the gym >he gets on the next stop from 4 KB JPG me >never spoken to him but want too, as I am DYEL and he must have good advise for me >one day notice he has fallen asleep on the bus >decide i'll wake him and use it to get advise >want to do it in a cool way >go over >grab his bicep >start pressing my thumb into it >he wakes up and looks at me, really confused >"this bicep is so BIG i thought it was the BIG BUTTON to make the bus stop" >say it in a soft voice that sounds creepy >also then stroke his arm for some reason >he grunts loudly, pushes me away and walks to the front of the bus >hear him mumble something about a creepy f-- i walk now

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Anon makes an underage friend | /r/Greentext


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femanon makes moves | /r/Greentext

> be me, girl > like a guy > think it would be a good idea to ask him out > ask him out 70 KB JPG > get rejected what now anons is this really how it feels
> be me, girl > like a guy > think it would be a good idea to ask him out > ask him out 70 KB JPG > get rejected what now anons is this really how it feels

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Anon discovers warmth. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)21:05:35 No.62105627 >grow up with cold distant parents >never learn to show affection >have girls be nice to me and try to flirt >ignore them or be rude to them >get girlfriend >go to her house 45 KB JPG >her parents hug and talk >her siblings are social and kind to me >a whole different world >something I never had growing up
: Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)21:05:35 No.62105627 >grow up with cold distant parents >never learn to show affection >have girls be nice to me and try to flirt >ignore them or be rude to them >get girlfriend >go to her house 45 KB JPG >her parents hug and talk >her siblings are social and kind to me >a whole different world >something I never had growing up

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anon hates normie recommendations | /r/Greentext

File: 1631116118714.png (11 KB, 566x338) Anonymous 10/03/21(Sun)18:14:08 No.5176441 >>5176452 >>5176694 >You've never been to (s----- chain restaurant)?! Dude you haaaave to go there.
File: 1631116118714.png (11 KB, 566x338) Anonymous 10/03/21(Sun)18:14:08 No.5176441 >>5176452 >>5176694 >You've never been to (s----- chain restaurant)?! Dude you haaaave to go there.

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mods gay lmao gottem | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)07:30:58 No.864799859 >be me >on r/greentext because dont want to sift throught p--- and gore >laugh at a post >see that mod has pinned a 31 KB JPG comment >its his own comment >links to a post made by him >post says "ayo bruh we are 6000 heckerino plebbitors away from passing da swagless r/4chan, reddit lets do it" >comment "nobofy cares" >got banned after he deleted his post out of embarresment Why are jannies such f------
: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)07:30:58 No.864799859 >be me >on r/greentext because dont want to sift throught p--- and gore >laugh at a post >see that mod has pinned a 31 KB JPG comment >its his own comment >links to a post made by him >post says "ayo bruh we are 6000 heckerino plebbitors away from passing da swagless r/4chan, reddit lets do it" >comment "nobofy cares" >got banned after he deleted his post out of embarresment Why are jannies such f------

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Anon reached another level of autism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I f----- up 06/28/21 (Mon)00:19:57 No.64342990 >making out with girlfriend at her house >pretty intense, I pin her down and we are licking each others toungues, im drinking her saliva >"hold on anon" 88 KB JPG >she lifts up her shirt and bra, moves my hand to her right >for some reason autistically say "booba" >she immediately puts her bra back on and tells me to go home >we haven't spoken since Pic related 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous I f----- up 06/28/21 (Mon)00:19:57 No.64342990 >making out with girlfriend at her house >pretty intense, I pin her down and we are licking each others toungues, im drinking her saliva >"hold on anon" 88 KB JPG >she lifts up her shirt and bra, moves my hand to her right >for some reason autistically say "booba" >she immediately puts her bra back on and tells me to go home >we haven't spoken since Pic related 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon is a daft minge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/08/21(Fri)16:08:47 No.65687851 >wake up >still british this joke isn't funny anymore 62 KB JPG
: Anonymous 10/08/21(Fri)16:08:47 No.65687851 >wake up >still british this joke isn't funny anymore 62 KB JPG

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Mail order bride | /r/Greentext

File: First lady jpg (30 KB, 348x527) O Anonymous (ID: SLETK53W 01/20/17(Fri)12:59:42 No.108047628 [Reply] >be me >literal gold digger >just want a nice life without having to work >marry rich guy just for the cash >he's upset with the state of the country >decides to run for president >yeahright.jpeg >he starts doing well >mfw he actually gets elected >mfw I'm the first lady of the United states of America
File: First lady jpg (30 KB, 348x527) O Anonymous (ID: SLETK53W 01/20/17(Fri)12:59:42 No.108047628 [Reply] >be me >literal gold digger >just want a nice life without having to work >marry rich guy just for the cash >he's upset with the state of the country >decides to run for president >yeahright.jpeg >he starts doing well >mfw he actually gets elected >mfw I'm the first lady of the United states of America

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Anon using tinder | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)00:44:24 No.65712007 >go on tinder >match with women with nose rings and tattoos >tell them how ugly tattoos and nose rings are 33 KB JPG
: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)00:44:24 No.65712007 >go on tinder >match with women with nose rings and tattoos >tell them how ugly tattoos and nose rings are 33 KB JPG

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Anon wastes $400 | /r/Greentext

>Tired of being a virgin >Hire a $400 escort >Tell me she has to inspect my junk for sores or something >C-- all over her hands >Can't get hard again >Spend the rest of the hour cuddling 58 KB JPG >Still a virgin
>Tired of being a virgin >Hire a $400 escort >Tell me she has to inspect my junk for sores or something >C-- all over her hands >Can't get hard again >Spend the rest of the hour cuddling 58 KB JPG >Still a virgin

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Anon hears some lore | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)09:05:26 No.864794765 >be walking through grocery store picking up stoner essentials >lower down the aisle, mixed race couple >crazy tall black girl with white guy shorter by at least two heads >she literally grabs him something off 303 KB JPG the top shelf >overhear conversation >"so wait, Mr house is the computer? And caesar is the.. okay, I think I get it" >this m----------- has got a girl so sick whipped she's actually listening to him talk about new vegas lore >pic related, how I felt watching such a masterpiece unfold What is he doing that I'm not.
: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)09:05:26 No.864794765 >be walking through grocery store picking up stoner essentials >lower down the aisle, mixed race couple >crazy tall black girl with white guy shorter by at least two heads >she literally grabs him something off 303 KB JPG the top shelf >overhear conversation >"so wait, Mr house is the computer? And caesar is the.. okay, I think I get it" >this m----------- has got a girl so sick whipped she's actually listening to him talk about new vegas lore >pic related, how I felt watching such a masterpiece unfold What is he doing that I'm not.

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Anon exploits Judaism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/05/18(Thu)22:53:43 No.46587564 >be me >born in a conservative jewish family >not insanly rich but quite wealthy and my dad knows a ton of influential people (also jews obviously) 105 КВ ЈPG >recently graduated from college (decent grades) >family gets me a high paying job in some jewish bank >know for a fact that im not the most qualified but not saying no to that cash >get everything handed to me because of my religion >mfw im actually an atheist >mfw ill still pretend to be jewish for them benefits >mfw parents said they will introduce me to a nice jewish girl Just accept that Judaism is he superior religion infidels 2 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 07/05/18(Thu)22:53:43 No.46587564 >be me >born in a conservative jewish family >not insanly rich but quite wealthy and my dad knows a ton of influential people (also jews obviously) 105 КВ ЈPG >recently graduated from college (decent grades) >family gets me a high paying job in some jewish bank >know for a fact that im not the most qualified but not saying no to that cash >get everything handed to me because of my religion >mfw im actually an atheist >mfw ill still pretend to be jewish for them benefits >mfw parents said they will introduce me to a nice jewish girl Just accept that Judaism is he superior religion infidels 2 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon is famous( fake: anon famous gay: anon ) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)21:53:10 No.864761123 its weird how celebrities still manage to kill themselves even though they have absolutely everything a person can want. i just dont get it. look at avicii. why the f--- would he kill himself when hes considered one of the best dj's and everyone loves him, he has so much money and respect. but he still killed himself??? why?? 161 KB JPG 20 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)22:57:30 No.864764322 >>864761123 >be depressed >become famous >expected to perform 24/7 >deal with fans and media >spend every night alone in hotelroom >can't cope >use drugs >coping again >hmm drugs seems rather disaterous >can't stop it now >depression increasing >etc. not that difficult now is it f----- op?
: Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)21:53:10 No.864761123 its weird how celebrities still manage to kill themselves even though they have absolutely everything a person can want. i just dont get it. look at avicii. why the f--- would he kill himself when hes considered one of the best dj's and everyone loves him, he has so much money and respect. but he still killed himself??? why?? 161 KB JPG 20 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)22:57:30 No.864764322 >>864761123 >be depressed >become famous >expected to perform 24/7 >deal with fans and media >spend every night alone in hotelroom >can't cope >use drugs >coping again >hmm drugs seems rather disaterous >can't stop it now >depression increasing >etc. not that difficult now is it f----- op?

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Have you had this chat with your parents yet? | /r/Greentext

image.jpg 885 KB JPG > back in summer of 2014 > the day after Elliot Rodger shootings > I'm doing some shopping in Walmart when I get a call from my dad > "anon, you know what Elliot Rodger did is evil right?...right?" > I'm totally caught off guard, don't know what to say, feel my face and ears burn > manage to speak > "yes of course I know that dad" > "alright anon, just uhh making sure. You know that if you ever feel down in life, never to take it out on innocent people, right?" > at this point my mouth is agape at what my dad is saying > continue to reassure him until we finish the conversation
image.jpg 885 KB JPG > back in summer of 2014 > the day after Elliot Rodger shootings > I'm doing some shopping in Walmart when I get a call from my dad > "anon, you know what Elliot Rodger did is evil right?...right?" > I'm totally caught off guard, don't know what to say, feel my face and ears burn > manage to speak > "yes of course I know that dad" > "alright anon, just uhh making sure. You know that if you ever feel down in life, never to take it out on innocent people, right?" > at this point my mouth is agape at what my dad is saying > continue to reassure him until we finish the conversation

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