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Anon spends time in his room | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/02/19(Sat)01:09:32 No.793887401 >be me >horny >parents go out for the day >time2jerk.jpg >link phone to tv so I can watch pornhub on tv >full volume 73 КВ PNG >jerk it with the speed and force of god himself >hollering like a tard in the back of a classroom >phonebuzz >text from dad: hey anon, I didn't go out with your mom and am in my room >mfw
: Anonymous 03/02/19(Sat)01:09:32 No.793887401 >be me >horny >parents go out for the day >time2jerk.jpg >link phone to tv so I can watch pornhub on tv >full volume 73 КВ PNG >jerk it with the speed and force of god himself >hollering like a tard in the back of a classroom >phonebuzz >text from dad: hey anon, I didn't go out with your mom and am in my room >mfw

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Anon's fiancé wants a burger | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/19(Sat)14:58:07 No.802338853 > be me > have a fiancé > kinda hot, I guess > whatever.jpg > fiancé starts bitching one day what in tarnation > "anon, I really want a burgerrrr" > ignore her because I have other 53 KB JPG things > also gets mono *next day > fiancé “pls get me a burger" > alright, let's do this >fuckyeah.jpeg > pulls into whataburger > texanfuckyeah.jpg > walk into whataburger > orders the biggest f------ burger they have > expects fiancé to get the same thing > fiancé goes "I think I'm gonna get a salad" >allmyrage.png >mfw
: Anonymous 06/15/19(Sat)14:58:07 No.802338853 > be me > have a fiancé > kinda hot, I guess > whatever.jpg > fiancé starts bitching one day what in tarnation > "anon, I really want a burgerrrr" > ignore her because I have other 53 KB JPG things > also gets mono *next day > fiancé “pls get me a burger" > alright, let's do this >fuckyeah.jpeg > pulls into whataburger > texanfuckyeah.jpg > walk into whataburger > orders the biggest f------ burger they have > expects fiancé to get the same thing > fiancé goes "I think I'm gonna get a salad" >allmyrage.png >mfw

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Anon forgets how to date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/06/19(Wed)17:42:29 No.50829211 this happened a few years ago >have a crush on girl >manage to get her over to my house to watch a movie >we're both on the couch watching it >she grabs my arm and wraps it 40 KB JPG around her so we're cuddled together and she starts leaning into me more >just stay like that for a while, feels good >at some point she gets up and goes to the bathroom >when she comes back to the bathroom i look up and see she doesn't have a shirt or bra on >her t------ are just... right there and she's looking right at me >brain completely freezes and i'm totally confused >i give her a f------ thumbs up and say nice t--- then go back to watching the movie >she stands there for a few seconds then goes back to the bathroom and puts her bra and shirt back on and watches the rest of the movie like nothing happened i think that is the most autistic moment in my life View Thread
: Anonymous 02/06/19(Wed)17:42:29 No.50829211 this happened a few years ago >have a crush on girl >manage to get her over to my house to watch a movie >we're both on the couch watching it >she grabs my arm and wraps it 40 KB JPG around her so we're cuddled together and she starts leaning into me more >just stay like that for a while, feels good >at some point she gets up and goes to the bathroom >when she comes back to the bathroom i look up and see she doesn't have a shirt or bra on >her t------ are just... right there and she's looking right at me >brain completely freezes and i'm totally confused >i give her a f------ thumbs up and say nice t--- then go back to watching the movie >she stands there for a few seconds then goes back to the bathroom and puts her bra and shirt back on and watches the rest of the movie like nothing happened i think that is the most autistic moment in my life View Thread

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Anon wants to go on the monkey bars | /r/Greentext

>4th grade >go to the playground during recess >want to go on the monkey bars but some bitch is just hanging off the first bar >push her off without thinking for some reason 31.7 kB JPG >she falls face first into the mulch below >she starts crying and her face is all bloody >ohfuckohfuckohfuck >l jump down and get her on her feet >I rush her to teacher supervising the playground >say that she fell off while on the monkey bars >we both rush her to the nurse's office >ambulance is called >she ends up getting like 10 stitches and a tooth removed >nurse calls me a hero for bringing her in so quickly and staying to look after her >in reality I'm just scared shitless she'll snitch on me >girl doesn't remember a thing about me pushing her >her parents thank me for helping their daughter >later during Christmas they send me a gameboy color as a gift How did you get your first gaming system anons?
>4th grade >go to the playground during recess >want to go on the monkey bars but some bitch is just hanging off the first bar >push her off without thinking for some reason 31.7 kB JPG >she falls face first into the mulch below >she starts crying and her face is all bloody >ohfuckohfuckohfuck >l jump down and get her on her feet >I rush her to teacher supervising the playground >say that she fell off while on the monkey bars >we both rush her to the nurse's office >ambulance is called >she ends up getting like 10 stitches and a tooth removed >nurse calls me a hero for bringing her in so quickly and staying to look after her >in reality I'm just scared shitless she'll snitch on me >girl doesn't remember a thing about me pushing her >her parents thank me for helping their daughter >later during Christmas they send me a gameboy color as a gift How did you get your first gaming system anons?

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Anon helps his community | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)21:51:08 No.61446634 >be me >when making protein shakes, use frozen raspberries >swallow seeds whole instead of crunching on them >s--- in the local elementary school's 191 KB PNG SOccer field >16-18 months later, they'll have delicious raspberries fresh from the bushes >Also they won't be able to play Eurofagball because of all the raspberry bushes on the field How are you bettering your community, fellow /fit/izens
I Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)21:51:08 No.61446634 >be me >when making protein shakes, use frozen raspberries >swallow seeds whole instead of crunching on them >s--- in the local elementary school's 191 KB PNG SOccer field >16-18 months later, they'll have delicious raspberries fresh from the bushes >Also they won't be able to play Eurofagball because of all the raspberry bushes on the field How are you bettering your community, fellow /fit/izens

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OP goes to a burger bar | /r/Greentext

F------ HIP! No.16084929 2 days ago 30b2d6fc8144872ab2fc4bc5f8391fa1--hipster-meme-hi pster-stuff.jpg JPG 11.0 KiB 236x133 >your friend talks you into a cool new burger joint downtown. >the outdoor seating is made of repurposed barn wood >Edison lights throughout the interior >your waiter, Gabe, is 6'2" and 120lbs, 10% of that mass appears to be beard. >his suspenders and wire frame bifocals offend your sensibilities in ways you can't describe >their craft beer list is 28 beers long >25 of them are IPAS >the cheapest burger is $15.95 >all the beef is from a rare heirloom breed of cattle found only on three ranches in Manitoba. >you take a bite of your burger. >pure liquid smoke 12 replies
F------ HIP! No.16084929 2 days ago 30b2d6fc8144872ab2fc4bc5f8391fa1--hipster-meme-hi pster-stuff.jpg JPG 11.0 KiB 236x133 >your friend talks you into a cool new burger joint downtown. >the outdoor seating is made of repurposed barn wood >Edison lights throughout the interior >your waiter, Gabe, is 6'2" and 120lbs, 10% of that mass appears to be beard. >his suspenders and wire frame bifocals offend your sensibilities in ways you can't describe >their craft beer list is 28 beers long >25 of them are IPAS >the cheapest burger is $15.95 >all the beef is from a rare heirloom breed of cattle found only on three ranches in Manitoba. >you take a bite of your burger. >pure liquid smoke 12 replies

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Anon is a loser | /r/Greentext

File: fishey.jpg (12 KB, 259x194) O Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)16:51:46 No.854244697 > if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid > pic related What's up, losers
File: fishey.jpg (12 KB, 259x194) O Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)16:51:46 No.854244697 > if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid > pic related What's up, losers

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anon can't tell the difference | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: F9X6LMr5) ) 07/04/20(Sat)18:28:52 No.266387266 I've been commenting on women's pictures congratulating them on how their transition is going. It usually hits quite a nerve when you 'mistake' them for a t-----. Best part of it is when they get too offended over it I call 259 KB GIF them out as transphobic. How am i supposed to know the difference between biological females and MtF females if trans women are women too? Them telling me it should be obvious is clearly just bigoted hate speech. >>266388397 # >>266389209 # >>266391177 # >>266391933 # >>266392266 # >>266392302 # >>266392911 #
: Anonymous (ID: F9X6LMr5) ) 07/04/20(Sat)18:28:52 No.266387266 I've been commenting on women's pictures congratulating them on how their transition is going. It usually hits quite a nerve when you 'mistake' them for a t-----. Best part of it is when they get too offended over it I call 259 KB GIF them out as transphobic. How am i supposed to know the difference between biological females and MtF females if trans women are women too? Them telling me it should be obvious is clearly just bigoted hate speech. >>266388397 # >>266389209 # >>266391177 # >>266391933 # >>266392266 # >>266392302 # >>266392911 #

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Anon lives in a clown world | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous How did we get here? 05/03/21 (Mon)04:34:42 No.63493603 >Low effort trap music with generic love song lyrics is considered groundbreaking and revolutionary >Racism is "okay" if it's towards white people 245 KB PNG >Talking on the Internet now feels more restricted than talking in real life os just for calling a >People are treated like war p-------- a dumb dumb stinky fart online >Cringe culture >Everybody thinks they're a professional critic if they get a lot of likes >Witch hunting is now called "cancelling" and is considered good >Stalking is now called "stanning" and is considered good >People are literally dying because of people fighting for biased social justice >Every fictional character needs to have a specified sexuality >Youtube is worse than actual TV >Politics are actually everywhere now >People become gay because it's trendy and not because they want to >Freedom of expression is "encouraged" but not if your expression isn't trendy
: Anonymous How did we get here? 05/03/21 (Mon)04:34:42 No.63493603 >Low effort trap music with generic love song lyrics is considered groundbreaking and revolutionary >Racism is "okay" if it's towards white people 245 KB PNG >Talking on the Internet now feels more restricted than talking in real life os just for calling a >People are treated like war p-------- a dumb dumb stinky fart online >Cringe culture >Everybody thinks they're a professional critic if they get a lot of likes >Witch hunting is now called "cancelling" and is considered good >Stalking is now called "stanning" and is considered good >People are literally dying because of people fighting for biased social justice >Every fictional character needs to have a specified sexuality >Youtube is worse than actual TV >Politics are actually everywhere now >People become gay because it's trendy and not because they want to >Freedom of expression is "encouraged" but not if your expression isn't trendy

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Anon actually is an autist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)22:40:27 No.8030973 >Be me >born around 2lbs AUTISTIC AUTISM CHILD AREA MAPRTAN >survive that >pull out my oxygen tube and turn purple >nurse puts it back in 308 KB PNG >almost spawn killed myself >gets autism instead
: Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)22:40:27 No.8030973 >Be me >born around 2lbs AUTISTIC AUTISM CHILD AREA MAPRTAN >survive that >pull out my oxygen tube and turn purple >nurse puts it back in 308 KB PNG >almost spawn killed myself >gets autism instead

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Anon is in trouble | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)16:42:40 No.63635983 >be me >be black >mfw 6 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 05/12/21 (Wed)16:45:23 No.63635998 >>63635983 (OP) # >be black >both ex gfs become cops >never go outside [Worried laughter.] 526 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)16:42:40 No.63635983 >be me >be black >mfw 6 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 05/12/21 (Wed)16:45:23 No.63635998 >>63635983 (OP) # >be black >both ex gfs become cops >never go outside [Worried laughter.] 526 KB PNG

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anon is- is.. umm... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/04/21(Tue)11:25:46 No.3241343 Sometimes when it's quiet I sit on the shower floor (I have a pretty big shower) and pretend I'm Rushia who has been r---- (I'm a guy IRL). I sit and hold my head in my hands, rocking it back and forth and sobbing quietly, then I quickly splash some water over my face and wipe the imaginary mascara off my eyes until it runs down my cheeks. At this point, I'm usually fairly 423 KB JPG distraught. Next, I open my mouth and wash the imaginary semen out. I make sure I gag and splutter, sometimes I even put my fingers down my throat to make sure it's all gone. The final stage is the most emotionally draining part of the entire ordeal. I stand up, put my ass under the shower flow, then lean forward and begin to wash the r-----'s imaginary c-- out of my a------ and "vagina" (I just pretend). I do this for quite a while, to make sure it's all gone. Then I collapse on the floor again and just break down hysterically. No girl should ever go through what I just did, all men are animals.
: Anonymous 05/04/21(Tue)11:25:46 No.3241343 Sometimes when it's quiet I sit on the shower floor (I have a pretty big shower) and pretend I'm Rushia who has been r---- (I'm a guy IRL). I sit and hold my head in my hands, rocking it back and forth and sobbing quietly, then I quickly splash some water over my face and wipe the imaginary mascara off my eyes until it runs down my cheeks. At this point, I'm usually fairly 423 KB JPG distraught. Next, I open my mouth and wash the imaginary semen out. I make sure I gag and splutter, sometimes I even put my fingers down my throat to make sure it's all gone. The final stage is the most emotionally draining part of the entire ordeal. I stand up, put my ass under the shower flow, then lean forward and begin to wash the r-----'s imaginary c-- out of my a------ and "vagina" (I just pretend). I do this for quite a while, to make sure it's all gone. Then I collapse on the floor again and just break down hysterically. No girl should ever go through what I just did, all men are animals.

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Anon is changing teams | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)00:38:22 No.63583184 >make a tinder account >0 hits in an hour >make a grindr account >50 f--- want to suck my c--- and f--- me in the ass w--, is it really this easy for gays to have sex? 85 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)00:38:22 No.63583184 >make a tinder account >0 hits in an hour >make a grindr account >50 f--- want to suck my c--- and f--- me in the ass w--, is it really this easy for gays to have sex? 85 KB JPG

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Anon is an asshole | /r/Greentext

>get into dispute with coworkers >everyone is p----- at me >I think I'm justified >let's try r/AmltheAsshole >post gets on front page >95% of the comments say 16 KB JPG YTA >ohshit.png >surely I wasn't THAT horrible >screenshot of the post ends up on r/iamatotalpieceofshit and gets more upvotes than the original AITA post : Anonymous 06/25/19(Tue)16:46:07 No.803144110 >inb4 posted on r/4chan stick to b, f-----
>get into dispute with coworkers >everyone is p----- at me >I think I'm justified >let's try r/AmltheAsshole >post gets on front page >95% of the comments say 16 KB JPG YTA >ohshit.png >surely I wasn't THAT horrible >screenshot of the post ends up on r/iamatotalpieceofshit and gets more upvotes than the original AITA post : Anonymous 06/25/19(Tue)16:46:07 No.803144110 >inb4 posted on r/4chan stick to b, f-----

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Anons web was something else | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/18/18(Mon)18:23:03 No.46191575 >finally tell mom im a superhero >bitch doesnt believe me >shoot my web on her >grounded >mfw 9 KB PNG
: Anonymous 06/18/18(Mon)18:23:03 No.46191575 >finally tell mom im a superhero >bitch doesnt believe me >shoot my web on her >grounded >mfw 9 KB PNG

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Anon is at the train-station | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)12:30:41 No.8494026 >find dead Body at trainstation Later virgins 4 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)12:30:41 No.8494026 >find dead Body at trainstation Later virgins 4 KB JPG

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Anon bullies back | /r/Greentext

>be me >16, in school >in pause in the classroom with some others, minding my own business. >a girl that's bisexual calls me a f----- and laughs, 77 KB JPG others laugh with her >i look up, say that being bi is a mental illness as a response and laugh aswell >she storms out crying >calls the teacher, everyone else in the room screams at me >eventually get kicked out of the school >mfw
>be me >16, in school >in pause in the classroom with some others, minding my own business. >a girl that's bisexual calls me a f----- and laughs, 77 KB JPG others laugh with her >i look up, say that being bi is a mental illness as a response and laugh aswell >she storms out crying >calls the teacher, everyone else in the room screams at me >eventually get kicked out of the school >mfw

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Anon has a neighbour | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:58:26 No.851366393 >be me >taking a s--- >window to bathroom is open and my bathroom is located in the backside of my house so you can see garden through window of bathroom 6 KB JPG my neighbour is in his garden >hear me fart as the result of me trying to force it out >he makes a fart sound >tfw l'm sealing my bathroom windows forever
: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:58:26 No.851366393 >be me >taking a s--- >window to bathroom is open and my bathroom is located in the backside of my house so you can see garden through window of bathroom 6 KB JPG my neighbour is in his garden >hear me fart as the result of me trying to force it out >he makes a fart sound >tfw l'm sealing my bathroom windows forever

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anon is a patriot | /r/Greentext

File: Engineerava.jpg (20 KB, 146x146) Anonymous 01/04/16(Mon)01:46:55 No.661277454 ITT: Best online gaming experiences >Playing TF2 >Set my name to President Donald Trump >Join red team >Start talking to the guys on my team >Start saying we need to build a wall to keep the terrorists out >Entire team becomes engineers >We fortify the everloving s--- out of our intel room with sentry guns and dispensers >Entire game I was the top player on my team >Vote kicked a kid on our team who said he was Mexican
File: Engineerava.jpg (20 KB, 146x146) Anonymous 01/04/16(Mon)01:46:55 No.661277454 ITT: Best online gaming experiences >Playing TF2 >Set my name to President Donald Trump >Join red team >Start talking to the guys on my team >Start saying we need to build a wall to keep the terrorists out >Entire team becomes engineers >We fortify the everloving s--- out of our intel room with sentry guns and dispensers >Entire game I was the top player on my team >Vote kicked a kid on our team who said he was Mexican

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Anon is full of shit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: y19g821D) = Is this true...?? 06/05/18(Tue)14:08:21 No.5390981 >just been told the flap in boxers is for pulling your d--- thru and pissing >l've been wearing them backwards my whole life >always referred to the flap as the s------- 19 KB JPG >l'm 28 So everyone else really goes bare ass when they s---? How the f--- do you guys guide it in the bowl then?!
: Anonymous (ID: y19g821D) = Is this true...?? 06/05/18(Tue)14:08:21 No.5390981 >just been told the flap in boxers is for pulling your d--- thru and pissing >l've been wearing them backwards my whole life >always referred to the flap as the s------- 19 KB JPG >l'm 28 So everyone else really goes bare ass when they s---? How the f--- do you guys guide it in the bowl then?!

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