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Command and cumtrol | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/09/21(Sat)17:35:52 No.65698904 >Be me >See hot woman with desirable sexual characteristics >Get incredibly horny at the thought of impregnating a fertile 132 KB JPG woman >While fapping to pictures of cosplayers (or other physically fit people) mutter phases like "GET PREGNANT" while admiring their beautiful bodies that are ready to be filled hentai- style with sperm until their wombs have been fertilized How the f--- did I end up like this
: Anonymous 10/09/21(Sat)17:35:52 No.65698904 >Be me >See hot woman with desirable sexual characteristics >Get incredibly horny at the thought of impregnating a fertile 132 KB JPG woman >While fapping to pictures of cosplayers (or other physically fit people) mutter phases like "GET PREGNANT" while admiring their beautiful bodies that are ready to be filled hentai- style with sperm until their wombs have been fertilized How the f--- did I end up like this

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Anon lost the genetic lottery | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)08:30:28 No.63499062 >be me, 19 >visit binland with mom and dad >dad invites me to go to sauna together >dicklet, so a bit hesitant at first >it's probably genetics anyway hahaha, he's probably as small as 28 KB JPG me >walk in >stop dead upon seeing his huge f------ d--- >tfw it's already bigger than mine HARD, both in length and girth >Dad stares back, a stunned expression of disappointment on his face >he opens his mouth to say something but changes his mind >spend the next 5 minutes in complete silence
Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)08:30:28 No.63499062 >be me, 19 >visit binland with mom and dad >dad invites me to go to sauna together >dicklet, so a bit hesitant at first >it's probably genetics anyway hahaha, he's probably as small as 28 KB JPG me >walk in >stop dead upon seeing his huge f------ d--- >tfw it's already bigger than mine HARD, both in length and girth >Dad stares back, a stunned expression of disappointment on his face >he opens his mouth to say something but changes his mind >spend the next 5 minutes in complete silence

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anon has quality family time | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/26/17(Thu)09:05:16 No.40672881 Totally OP, I did the same. >Asked mom that I wanted to f--- a girl >She said, you can f--- me, but only in the ass. >Start f------ mom. >Decide to rub her clit >Find a d--- >Turns out it was a prank by my dad. I won't fall for the same trick 3 times
: Anonymous 10/26/17(Thu)09:05:16 No.40672881 Totally OP, I did the same. >Asked mom that I wanted to f--- a girl >She said, you can f--- me, but only in the ass. >Start f------ mom. >Decide to rub her clit >Find a d--- >Turns out it was a prank by my dad. I won't fall for the same trick 3 times

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Anon gets outsmarted | /r/Greentext

File: pepe normal.jpg (58 KB. 976x850) O Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)18:30:11 No.9936861 >be me >getting bullied at school >bully calls me gay >say "what, are you interested?" >"yes" >passionately kisses me on the lips >gives me his number and winks well now what
File: pepe normal.jpg (58 KB. 976x850) O Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)18:30:11 No.9936861 >be me >getting bullied at school >bully calls me gay >say "what, are you interested?" >"yes" >passionately kisses me on the lips >gives me his number and winks well now what

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Anon gets college pilled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)12:14:46 No.65705834 >autist >high school days are great because | know everyone from when i was a kid >enter college >literally never make a friend again >its been 11 years sadge 8 KB PNG View Thread
: Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)12:14:46 No.65705834 >autist >high school days are great because | know everyone from when i was a kid >enter college >literally never make a friend again >its been 11 years sadge 8 KB PNG View Thread

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Anon is dating a cop | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/10/13(Sun)21:40:01 No.515425318 > been chatting with cute 14 year old girl > really flirty and sexy 61 KB JPG > now she tells me she's an undercover cop > how f------ cool is that for someone her age
Anonymous 11/10/13(Sun)21:40:01 No.515425318 > been chatting with cute 14 year old girl > really flirty and sexy 61 KB JPG > now she tells me she's an undercover cop > how f------ cool is that for someone her age

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Online screening | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)05:46:19 No.864738646 >be me >meet cutie soft dom goth girl on dating app >hit it off pretty well >get to know each other online >we are really into one another so we plan on going on a date 12 KB JPG sometime >one night she asks to chat a bit before she goes to bed >I didn't voice chat with her that day, so why not! >get in call ready to chill with her for a bit >find out she is horny and wanted hear me while she did her thing >kindahot.mkv >get into with her, moaning along and such >end up getting horny as well so I start jacking off too >full on sex erp >we both get real close and I hear >"c-- for me anon, you cute baby boy" >bust a nut so hard I almost when f------ blind >get called cute and tells me how she really liked that >"Hey anon, wanna see something..." >ohfuck.webm >Think she is going to send a nude or something >She screen shares a whole ass power point presentation titled: "Hello future potential boyfriend" that she made earlier that day >mfw We are all going to make it bros!
: Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)05:46:19 No.864738646 >be me >meet cutie soft dom goth girl on dating app >hit it off pretty well >get to know each other online >we are really into one another so we plan on going on a date 12 KB JPG sometime >one night she asks to chat a bit before she goes to bed >I didn't voice chat with her that day, so why not! >get in call ready to chill with her for a bit >find out she is horny and wanted hear me while she did her thing >kindahot.mkv >get into with her, moaning along and such >end up getting horny as well so I start jacking off too >full on sex erp >we both get real close and I hear >"c-- for me anon, you cute baby boy" >bust a nut so hard I almost when f------ blind >get called cute and tells me how she really liked that >"Hey anon, wanna see something..." >ohfuck.webm >Think she is going to send a nude or something >She screen shares a whole ass power point presentation titled: "Hello future potential boyfriend" that she made earlier that day >mfw We are all going to make it bros!

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I can hear his voice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)08:36:18 No.864732037 >be me >see the mushroom cloud approaching as the american missle strikes my hometown >accept my fate >hug my family and friends saying that I love them 96 KB JPG >as the mushroom cloud approaches allI hear is >"IM MISSLE RIIIIIICK" >pic related
: Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)08:36:18 No.864732037 >be me >see the mushroom cloud approaching as the american missle strikes my hometown >accept my fate >hug my family and friends saying that I love them 96 KB JPG >as the mushroom cloud approaches allI hear is >"IM MISSLE RIIIIIICK" >pic related

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Anon is ungrateful | /r/Greentext

/b/ Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)02:19:59 No.851715744 Greentext time >be me >be 12 years old >watch Nightmare on Elm Street >freddy is kinda cool 1.71 MB JPG >want to be like him >ask grandma to knit me a Freddy sweater >she fulfills my wish >knits for a week >finally finishes sweater and it's awesome. Red/Green just like the original >wear it in school the next day >everybody laughs >ashamed.jpg >tell Grandma I don't want sweater anymore >grandma disappointed >now she wears it. Also in public >tells me people are always smiling at her when she's wearing it
/b/ Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)02:19:59 No.851715744 Greentext time >be me >be 12 years old >watch Nightmare on Elm Street >freddy is kinda cool 1.71 MB JPG >want to be like him >ask grandma to knit me a Freddy sweater >she fulfills my wish >knits for a week >finally finishes sweater and it's awesome. Red/Green just like the original >wear it in school the next day >everybody laughs >ashamed.jpg >tell Grandma I don't want sweater anymore >grandma disappointed >now she wears it. Also in public >tells me people are always smiling at her when she's wearing it

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Forget cumjars, pouring cum back into your dickhole is where it's at. | /r/Greentext

File: coomer.jpg (1.16 MB, 640x480) O the c-- recycler Anonymous 10/09/21(Sat)17:22:00 No.63857709 [Reply] >have this issue of cooming very little >get brilliant idea >decide to recycle c-- >i do this by cooming, collecting my c-- into my hand, and then siphoning it back into my d------- >cooming also becomes much easier thanks to c-- making my d------- near frictionless >one small problem >each time i go to pee, i have to nut first, store my coom somewhere, pee, and then siphon my c-- back into my d------- 58 replies and 7 images omitted. Click here to view.
File: coomer.jpg (1.16 MB, 640x480) O the c-- recycler Anonymous 10/09/21(Sat)17:22:00 No.63857709 [Reply] >have this issue of cooming very little >get brilliant idea >decide to recycle c-- >i do this by cooming, collecting my c-- into my hand, and then siphoning it back into my d------- >cooming also becomes much easier thanks to c-- making my d------- near frictionless >one small problem >each time i go to pee, i have to nut first, store my coom somewhere, pee, and then siphon my c-- back into my d------- 58 replies and 7 images omitted. Click here to view.

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Anon loves a troll | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)21:27:47 No.64033474 >in bed with gf >she wants my attention >decides upon the best course of action >rams her fingers up my butthole >jesusfuckwoman >turn to her and ask w-- shes doing >"just a little bit of trolling" 111 KB JPG >mfw And i thought i was autistic.
: Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)21:27:47 No.64033474 >in bed with gf >she wants my attention >decides upon the best course of action >rams her fingers up my butthole >jesusfuckwoman >turn to her and ask w-- shes doing >"just a little bit of trolling" 111 KB JPG >mfw And i thought i was autistic.

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Anon survives a blue whale attack | /r/Greentext

>be me in school >alright class, pick a partner for the group project >F---, NO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING >everyone instantly picks their friends 13 KB JPG >I have nobody >Anon how about you pair up with Goblina over there? >f------ disgusting obese smelly creature >"n-n-o its ok,I like working alone" >goblina seats herself next to me >says with a smelly breath "you tell me what to write and l'll write" >f------ bitch, not only ugly but dumb too >do the f------ whole thing on my own basically, but have to survive her and her atrocious handwriting >a girl in our class says we'd make a good couple >goblina smiles, the other students laugh >someone please just f------ shoot me
>be me in school >alright class, pick a partner for the group project >F---, NO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING >everyone instantly picks their friends 13 KB JPG >I have nobody >Anon how about you pair up with Goblina over there? >f------ disgusting obese smelly creature >"n-n-o its ok,I like working alone" >goblina seats herself next to me >says with a smelly breath "you tell me what to write and l'll write" >f------ bitch, not only ugly but dumb too >do the f------ whole thing on my own basically, but have to survive her and her atrocious handwriting >a girl in our class says we'd make a good couple >goblina smiles, the other students laugh >someone please just f------ shoot me

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Anon is a wise one | /r/Greentext

>In philosophy >Professor asks me about the concept of evil >Put on the spot, start panicking but remember a certain quote from Witcher 3 >"Evil is Evil. Lesser, greater, middling. Makes no difference. The degreee is arbitary. The definition's blurred. If I'm to choose between one evil and another.. I'd rather not choose 61 KB JPG at all" >Professor looks stunned, class gives me a round of applause Anyone else had video games help them in real life?
>In philosophy >Professor asks me about the concept of evil >Put on the spot, start panicking but remember a certain quote from Witcher 3 >"Evil is Evil. Lesser, greater, middling. Makes no difference. The degreee is arbitary. The definition's blurred. If I'm to choose between one evil and another.. I'd rather not choose 61 KB JPG at all" >Professor looks stunned, class gives me a round of applause Anyone else had video games help them in real life?

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Evening wood | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 09/27/21(Mon)12:45:34 No.29875211 >>29878541 >>29891838 The only one true supernatural, magical experience I've ever had in my life. >Be me, seven or eight years old >Living in Germany. >US Airforce dad, Local mom. >Parents decide to take day trip to go hiking in the Black Forest. >Halfway down the trail. Rest area. >Parents admire the scenery, take pictures, do touristy s---. >l play with some other kids for a while. >My dumbass decides to wander off into the woods >Walk about ten minutes, Find clearing. Look back and cant find trail. >Panik >Keep walking like a dumbass. Feels like hours have gone by >The forest changes. Things become still and hesitant. Like an expectation. >The light changes, becomes golden and soft. >Birds stop. Insects stop. >A "woman" steps out of the woods. >But not really a woman. >Her skin is wood, like burnished oak. >No mouth, no nose. But wide yellow eyes like owl eyes. >Hair is moss. Not like moss, actual moss. >Doesn't look like a woman really, It looks like a tree. >But it's presence was the most feminine aura l've ever felt in my life >It's peaceful and beautiful beyond description. >She takes my by the hand. Her wood-skin is warm and solid. >Like a log that's been laying in the sun. >She leads me back to the trail. >l've been gone no more that fifteen minutes. >She pats my head and disappears into the woods. >Parents ask if I had fun playing with the other kids.
O Anonymous 09/27/21(Mon)12:45:34 No.29875211 >>29878541 >>29891838 The only one true supernatural, magical experience I've ever had in my life. >Be me, seven or eight years old >Living in Germany. >US Airforce dad, Local mom. >Parents decide to take day trip to go hiking in the Black Forest. >Halfway down the trail. Rest area. >Parents admire the scenery, take pictures, do touristy s---. >l play with some other kids for a while. >My dumbass decides to wander off into the woods >Walk about ten minutes, Find clearing. Look back and cant find trail. >Panik >Keep walking like a dumbass. Feels like hours have gone by >The forest changes. Things become still and hesitant. Like an expectation. >The light changes, becomes golden and soft. >Birds stop. Insects stop. >A "woman" steps out of the woods. >But not really a woman. >Her skin is wood, like burnished oak. >No mouth, no nose. But wide yellow eyes like owl eyes. >Hair is moss. Not like moss, actual moss. >Doesn't look like a woman really, It looks like a tree. >But it's presence was the most feminine aura l've ever felt in my life >It's peaceful and beautiful beyond description. >She takes my by the hand. Her wood-skin is warm and solid. >Like a log that's been laying in the sun. >She leads me back to the trail. >l've been gone no more that fifteen minutes. >She pats my head and disappears into the woods. >Parents ask if I had fun playing with the other kids.

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Anon cannot escape | /r/Greentext

File: americanpsycho460-2. jpg (10 KB, 200x200) Anonymous 08/15/15(Sat)20:55:03 No.634948902 >delete facebook >leave all social media >leave city >move to Himalayas >one day pigeon comes with note >open note >Candy Crush request
File: americanpsycho460-2. jpg (10 KB, 200x200) Anonymous 08/15/15(Sat)20:55:03 No.634948902 >delete facebook >leave all social media >leave city >move to Himalayas >one day pigeon comes with note >open note >Candy Crush request

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Don't look back | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)02:40:11 No.29957843 > staying with GF > she has been telling me house is haunted, don't believe her, but there were some odd occurrences. > She has a thing about closets, 105 KB JPG scared of them. Convinced a hooded figure that haunts her lives in the one in her room. Makes me close it before bed. > it is ways open in the morning, even if I double check the night before. > be doing it doggy style on the floor, (trying to be quiet so we don't wake up the rest of the house) we both are facing the closet. > we both see and hear the closet door handle unlatch and creak open. > our f--- rhythm slows to a complete stop > She looks back at me. We both shrug and give the spook a show. > still get turned on by ghost stories to this day.
: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)02:40:11 No.29957843 > staying with GF > she has been telling me house is haunted, don't believe her, but there were some odd occurrences. > She has a thing about closets, 105 KB JPG scared of them. Convinced a hooded figure that haunts her lives in the one in her room. Makes me close it before bed. > it is ways open in the morning, even if I double check the night before. > be doing it doggy style on the floor, (trying to be quiet so we don't wake up the rest of the house) we both are facing the closet. > we both see and hear the closet door handle unlatch and creak open. > our f--- rhythm slows to a complete stop > She looks back at me. We both shrug and give the spook a show. > still get turned on by ghost stories to this day.

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The Ultimate Life Hack | /r/Greentext


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What’s This Life For? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/08/21(Fri)21:14:47 No.65691022 >trying to j------- in the shower >just can't get off for some reason >start feeling tired, give up >get out of the shower >now my nuts ache this is b------- 81 KB JPG
: Anonymous 10/08/21(Fri)21:14:47 No.65691022 >trying to j------- in the shower >just can't get off for some reason >start feeling tired, give up >get out of the shower >now my nuts ache this is b------- 81 KB JPG

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My name is my name | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/09/21(Sat)20:52:34 No.63860344 >first name is rhett, but I get called brett a lot because it's not exactly a common name so who cares >at new job, been there a few weeks 20 KB JPG >talking with qt front desk girl >she has a goddamn perfect ass >at one point realizes she's been calling me the wrong name for the entire conversation >"sorry, there's just something about you that makes you look more like a brett" >"maybe if I cut my hair a little shorter I would look more like a brett" >"no, if you cut your hair you would look like a chad" *giggles* bros before today I literally have never heard someone use the term chad outside of the internet, was she hitting on me? AG
: Anonymous 10/09/21(Sat)20:52:34 No.63860344 >first name is rhett, but I get called brett a lot because it's not exactly a common name so who cares >at new job, been there a few weeks 20 KB JPG >talking with qt front desk girl >she has a goddamn perfect ass >at one point realizes she's been calling me the wrong name for the entire conversation >"sorry, there's just something about you that makes you look more like a brett" >"maybe if I cut my hair a little shorter I would look more like a brett" >"no, if you cut your hair you would look like a chad" *giggles* bros before today I literally have never heard someone use the term chad outside of the internet, was she hitting on me? AG

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Anon trolls qt3.14 | /r/Greentext

>be me 6 years ago >horny 13 year old >try out chatting website >use full name and picture of me >imnotasmartman.gif >hot ass chick texts me >she starts sexting feels good man 20 KB JPG >first time sexting >i roll with it >she asks for nudes >i refuse >she demands nudes or she will post our conversation on facebook >i ask her why she good my facebook >she just searched my name >ohshit.jpg >i try to find her on facebook >cant find her >dont want to be embarrassed in front of friends and family >get an idea >i try to hack her >but i cant code or hack so i bluff >tell her i know where she lives >she doesnt belive me >i tell her i traced her IP installed a proxy and can post her adress to the whole internet >she believes me saying she is sorry >wants me not to do it >tells me she has been doing it to a lot of kids >ask if she is a she >she is a he
>be me 6 years ago >horny 13 year old >try out chatting website >use full name and picture of me >imnotasmartman.gif >hot ass chick texts me >she starts sexting feels good man 20 KB JPG >first time sexting >i roll with it >she asks for nudes >i refuse >she demands nudes or she will post our conversation on facebook >i ask her why she good my facebook >she just searched my name >ohshit.jpg >i try to find her on facebook >cant find her >dont want to be embarrassed in front of friends and family >get an idea >i try to hack her >but i cant code or hack so i bluff >tell her i know where she lives >she doesnt belive me >i tell her i traced her IP installed a proxy and can post her adress to the whole internet >she believes me saying she is sorry >wants me not to do it >tells me she has been doing it to a lot of kids >ask if she is a she >she is a he

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