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I didn't know we were doing this | /r/Greentext

File: 1599975705409.jpg (11 KB, 250x201) Anonymous (ID: 2X10wd7z ) 09/18/21(Sat)22:42:21 No.40985703 >>40985795 >>40985949 >>40986668 >Day 19 of No Poop September
File: 1599975705409.jpg (11 KB, 250x201) Anonymous (ID: 2X10wd7z ) 09/18/21(Sat)22:42:21 No.40985703 >>40985795 >>40985949 >>40986668 >Day 19 of No Poop September

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Anon works at Subway | /r/Greentext

SELLMANNS HELLMANNS HELLMANNS REAL REAL MATUSNA Anonymous 07/03/18(Tue)23:30:44 No.46548424 >Be me >Work at subway >yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put all the veggies she wants on it, I start to wrap up her sandwich when she says, "can I get some mayo?" >Wut.wav >I look at her, she's looking at me, I pick up the mayo, I'm waiting for her to be like haha jk. >Nothing. >Me: "You know mayonnaise has eggs in it right?" >THIS. GIRL. JUST. STOOD. THERE. SILENT. >Vegan.exe has stopped responding >She stood there for a second. >V: "N-no it doesn't, I get mayo every time, are you sure?" >Me: "Yes ma'am, mayo has egg whites in it." >I felt so horrible, she stood there with such a distraught and defeated face, I had shattered this poor girl's world. >I had a couple people waiting so I had to get this lady out of here. >Me: "Would you like the mayo on it ma'am?" >V: "Sure, go ahead." >My life is a lie.wav >SoI gave her her mayo, wrapped her sandwich up and charged her for her sandwich, she was silent the whole time. She took her sandwich and started walking out. >Me: "Thank you for coming, have a nice day!" >She just looked at me, sighed, "yea, ll try" and walked out. >And that's the story of how I taught a vegan that mayonnaise is, in fact, not vegan.
SELLMANNS HELLMANNS HELLMANNS REAL REAL MATUSNA Anonymous 07/03/18(Tue)23:30:44 No.46548424 >Be me >Work at subway >yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put all the veggies she wants on it, I start to wrap up her sandwich when she says, "can I get some mayo?" >Wut.wav >I look at her, she's looking at me, I pick up the mayo, I'm waiting for her to be like haha jk. >Nothing. >Me: "You know mayonnaise has eggs in it right?" >THIS. GIRL. JUST. STOOD. THERE. SILENT. >Vegan.exe has stopped responding >She stood there for a second. >V: "N-no it doesn't, I get mayo every time, are you sure?" >Me: "Yes ma'am, mayo has egg whites in it." >I felt so horrible, she stood there with such a distraught and defeated face, I had shattered this poor girl's world. >I had a couple people waiting so I had to get this lady out of here. >Me: "Would you like the mayo on it ma'am?" >V: "Sure, go ahead." >My life is a lie.wav >SoI gave her her mayo, wrapped her sandwich up and charged her for her sandwich, she was silent the whole time. She took her sandwich and started walking out. >Me: "Thank you for coming, have a nice day!" >She just looked at me, sighed, "yea, ll try" and walked out. >And that's the story of how I taught a vegan that mayonnaise is, in fact, not vegan.

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Anon is cured | /r/Greentext


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Anon doesn’t want local drivers to hate him | /r/Greentext

>Live in Anytown, USA >Keep seeing internet ads that say stuff like "Drivers in Anytown Hate Him" >I don't want people to hate me. >Connect to internet through VPN from Moldova 88 KB JPG >Starting seeing ads that say "drivers in Moldova hate him." >F--- you Moldova, you don't even know me
>Live in Anytown, USA >Keep seeing internet ads that say stuff like "Drivers in Anytown Hate Him" >I don't want people to hate me. >Connect to internet through VPN from Moldova 88 KB JPG >Starting seeing ads that say "drivers in Moldova hate him." >F--- you Moldova, you don't even know me

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Anon has a point | /r/Greentext

Abacus.png 7 KB PNG >Vegans complain about inhumane conditions for animals No f------ s--- the conditions are inhumane, they're not human
Abacus.png 7 KB PNG >Vegans complain about inhumane conditions for animals No f------ s--- the conditions are inhumane, they're not human

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Anon building self-convidence | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/19/21(Sun)00:08:20 No.65431913 >found interested in chess >started actively playing on chess.com during free time >chess.com dev made bots that mimic certain personalities that reflect on decision making >unlocked bot opponent: Pokimane 188 KB PNG >played a few rounds >"Pokimane" makes horrendous mistakes making me beating her look like a genius >started to play against "Pokimane" frequently >imagine how I dominate her in chess irl as her puny brain crumbles upon being destroyed again and again >gives me confidence because I prove to myself that l'm smarter than e-thots.
: Anonymous 09/19/21(Sun)00:08:20 No.65431913 >found interested in chess >started actively playing on chess.com during free time >chess.com dev made bots that mimic certain personalities that reflect on decision making >unlocked bot opponent: Pokimane 188 KB PNG >played a few rounds >"Pokimane" makes horrendous mistakes making me beating her look like a genius >started to play against "Pokimane" frequently >imagine how I dominate her in chess irl as her puny brain crumbles upon being destroyed again and again >gives me confidence because I prove to myself that l'm smarter than e-thots.

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Anon becomes a burger | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)22:17:46 No.863340578 >Be me >Amerifa(t/g) >See foreign f--- calling Americans "Burgers" >JealousFaggots.wav >Go to Armenia for vacation >gf decides to get American cheese for our sandwiches for lunch RESIDENT *u z ep » 1.98 MB JPG >halfway around the world for this s--- I don't even eat at home >lwillSlapTheShitOutOfYouForThisIndiscretion.wmp >Ask what packaging says >Find out that American cheese is literally called "Burger Cheese" (OC pic related)
: Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)22:17:46 No.863340578 >Be me >Amerifa(t/g) >See foreign f--- calling Americans "Burgers" >JealousFaggots.wav >Go to Armenia for vacation >gf decides to get American cheese for our sandwiches for lunch RESIDENT *u z ep » 1.98 MB JPG >halfway around the world for this s--- I don't even eat at home >lwillSlapTheShitOutOfYouForThisIndiscretion.wmp >Ask what packaging says >Find out that American cheese is literally called "Burger Cheese" (OC pic related)

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Anon tries drugs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)07:54:08 No.62759582 >friend sells me some adderall >take pill >feel f------ euphoric, literally nothing can stop me >zero social anxiety, i could tell my whole life story to a random person if 213 KB JPG i wanted to >compulsive behaviors almost disappear entirely for the first time in over 2 years >don't feel worried anymore, start realizing that all my problems are just temporary and i can fix them easily >actually want to live my life, go out and have fun >don't feel empty anymore, always thinking positive and for the future >drug starts to wear off after a few hours >go back to my normal suicidal self H--------, is this what life as a normie is actually like? Those first few minutes I felt like I was in paradise. Now I just know how much I was robbed of a happy existence.
: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)07:54:08 No.62759582 >friend sells me some adderall >take pill >feel f------ euphoric, literally nothing can stop me >zero social anxiety, i could tell my whole life story to a random person if 213 KB JPG i wanted to >compulsive behaviors almost disappear entirely for the first time in over 2 years >don't feel worried anymore, start realizing that all my problems are just temporary and i can fix them easily >actually want to live my life, go out and have fun >don't feel empty anymore, always thinking positive and for the future >drug starts to wear off after a few hours >go back to my normal suicidal self H--------, is this what life as a normie is actually like? Those first few minutes I felt like I was in paradise. Now I just know how much I was robbed of a happy existence.

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Anon almost commits murder | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I almost committed murder. 02/08/21(Mon)18:21:50 No.62239682 >Hear someone knock at my door >I have no friends or family in this city >Look out my window >It's some dude wearing a f------ ski mask >Panic and load my .22 caliber airgun >Think about how I might f------ die 110 KB JPG tonight >l wasted my entire life just to get plugged in a f------ house robbery >Unlock the door and run behind my staircase with my gun pointed at the door >"COME IN" >It's my f------ brother. >He looks at me like I'm retarded >Walks past the door and asks if I have any snacks Is loneliness finally taking its toll on me or amI just retarded?
: Anonymous I almost committed murder. 02/08/21(Mon)18:21:50 No.62239682 >Hear someone knock at my door >I have no friends or family in this city >Look out my window >It's some dude wearing a f------ ski mask >Panic and load my .22 caliber airgun >Think about how I might f------ die 110 KB JPG tonight >l wasted my entire life just to get plugged in a f------ house robbery >Unlock the door and run behind my staircase with my gun pointed at the door >"COME IN" >It's my f------ brother. >He looks at me like I'm retarded >Walks past the door and asks if I have any snacks Is loneliness finally taking its toll on me or amI just retarded?

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Straight from the Jar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)18:43:31 No.9319822 >figure arrives >find pubic hair in the packaging 13 KB JPG
: Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)18:43:31 No.9319822 >figure arrives >find pubic hair in the packaging 13 KB JPG

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Anon loves his job | /r/Greentext

>be freelance writer >have one client who is a furry >like hardcore f----- up stereotypical nasty-ass furry >he often comes to me to write fanfics for him involving his fursona, his OCs and other fictional characters >he incorporates every furfag fetish under the sun from farts, scat, gay s---, NTR, CBT/ ballbusting, amputation, abuse, vomit, i-----, vore, and everything in between >I charge $300 every 900 words, some of these fanfics are dozens of pages in length >since furries are somehow rich f---- he actually f------ pays upfront for them >let me reiterate, he literally pays me thousands of dollars to keep writing this smut for him >majority of my income comes from him >if I dropped him as a client l'd be broke >i f------ hate my f------ existence
>be freelance writer >have one client who is a furry >like hardcore f----- up stereotypical nasty-ass furry >he often comes to me to write fanfics for him involving his fursona, his OCs and other fictional characters >he incorporates every furfag fetish under the sun from farts, scat, gay s---, NTR, CBT/ ballbusting, amputation, abuse, vomit, i-----, vore, and everything in between >I charge $300 every 900 words, some of these fanfics are dozens of pages in length >since furries are somehow rich f---- he actually f------ pays upfront for them >let me reiterate, he literally pays me thousands of dollars to keep writing this smut for him >majority of my income comes from him >if I dropped him as a client l'd be broke >i f------ hate my f------ existence

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Anon gets political | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)19:54:47 No.863355545 >be me >rise from obscurity to secure nomination for US presidency >end up beating opponent from powerful political family >haters are jealous of my success, make fun of my background and 166 KB JPG love of fast food >opposing party makes increasingly desperate attempts to undermine my administration >constantly hounded with accusations of sexual impropriety >nevertheless manage to fulfill many campaign promises >enact immigration reform that secures our borders and reduces illegal immigration >get millions of leeches off welfare and back to work >leverage the full power of the US military to intervene in foreign crises >eventually get impeached over some stupid b------- that's not even illegal >acquitted by the Senate because I'm f------ awesome >don't give a f--- either way because I'm Bill m------------ Clinton >pic unrelated
: Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)19:54:47 No.863355545 >be me >rise from obscurity to secure nomination for US presidency >end up beating opponent from powerful political family >haters are jealous of my success, make fun of my background and 166 KB JPG love of fast food >opposing party makes increasingly desperate attempts to undermine my administration >constantly hounded with accusations of sexual impropriety >nevertheless manage to fulfill many campaign promises >enact immigration reform that secures our borders and reduces illegal immigration >get millions of leeches off welfare and back to work >leverage the full power of the US military to intervene in foreign crises >eventually get impeached over some stupid b------- that's not even illegal >acquitted by the Senate because I'm f------ awesome >don't give a f--- either way because I'm Bill m------------ Clinton >pic unrelated

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Anon plays 5d chess | /r/Greentext

7/24/18 (Tue) : Anon ymous >be me 212 years old >love greentext )mom wont let me go on 4chan >feelsbadman.jpJ >computer has paint > create my own greentext >mom doesni't find out but I dant know where to post it Where does this go?
7/24/18 (Tue) : Anon ymous >be me 212 years old >love greentext )mom wont let me go on 4chan >feelsbadman.jpJ >computer has paint > create my own greentext >mom doesni't find out but I dant know where to post it Where does this go?

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Accidentally in Love | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)22:21:43 No.863308148 >be me, 26yr old kisslessvirgin >2am >in bed, can't sleep >hear some sort of moaning in the apartment building next door >it's either a kid playing vidya or neighbors f------ 67 KB JPG >decide to roll my dice >furiously masturbate to the unthinkable things that might be happening in a bed next door >finish up >"mommy please come clean me up" >mfw it was a child >mfw I beat off to some kid taking a s--- %3D Why I am like this ffs I just want to be a normie sometimes
: Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)22:21:43 No.863308148 >be me, 26yr old kisslessvirgin >2am >in bed, can't sleep >hear some sort of moaning in the apartment building next door >it's either a kid playing vidya or neighbors f------ 67 KB JPG >decide to roll my dice >furiously masturbate to the unthinkable things that might be happening in a bed next door >finish up >"mommy please come clean me up" >mfw it was a child >mfw I beat off to some kid taking a s--- %3D Why I am like this ffs I just want to be a normie sometimes

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One simple trick to create a super powered toilet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)14:47:35 No.863275091 >be me >throw pic related away >replace with a 1/2 thread >connect toilet >fills in 25 seconds instead of 1 minute Why didnt u overclock ur s------ 79 KB PNG 35 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)14:47:35 No.863275091 >be me >throw pic related away >replace with a 1/2 thread >connect toilet >fills in 25 seconds instead of 1 minute Why didnt u overclock ur s------ 79 KB PNG 35 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Reasonable accoommodations | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)16:25:39 No.65431375 >slow at work >sneak off into bathroom to rub one out >boss asks where I was >say l'm feeling a little under the weather 17 KB PNG >get to go home early and do it some more
: Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)16:25:39 No.65431375 >slow at work >sneak off into bathroom to rub one out >boss asks where I was >say l'm feeling a little under the weather 17 KB PNG >get to go home early and do it some more

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Daddy’s Little Man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)01:49:32 No.863316258 >Be me, a young entrepreneur >Worked very hard doing 100 hours/week >Literally forgot about friends and family >Barely slept >Finally became successful and somewhat wealthy >Gifted myself a brand new 2021 Maybach 8 KB PNG >Whenever take my car out in public, people tell me my dad has a great taste in cars, and that l'm a spoiled brat >Bruh.exe
: Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)01:49:32 No.863316258 >Be me, a young entrepreneur >Worked very hard doing 100 hours/week >Literally forgot about friends and family >Barely slept >Finally became successful and somewhat wealthy >Gifted myself a brand new 2021 Maybach 8 KB PNG >Whenever take my car out in public, people tell me my dad has a great taste in cars, and that l'm a spoiled brat >Bruh.exe

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Anon likes being a virgin | /r/Greentext

54m (9/18 11:36) · 65426090 1 Re · 0 Img · JPG · 659KB · (1284 × 893) 1 Reply E EYIL W I'm 31 And Have No Friends (Emotional I'm Sorry) 749K views · 5 months ago #camelot331 #youtube #emotional >26 >have really cute 19 year old interested in me >could lose my virginity and get a cute girlfriend >all I have to do is say yes >rather fantasize a life with a girl I met online who is filled with psychological issues and nowhere near as cute as her Even my 16 year old brother tells me I should just get a girl to have sex with casually every now and then. I just can't, I need to be able to relate to her, or have some sort of connection, I can't just have sex with a girl because she's attractive, I want someone who means something to me, I want someone to love.
54m (9/18 11:36) · 65426090 1 Re · 0 Img · JPG · 659KB · (1284 × 893) 1 Reply E EYIL W I'm 31 And Have No Friends (Emotional I'm Sorry) 749K views · 5 months ago #camelot331 #youtube #emotional >26 >have really cute 19 year old interested in me >could lose my virginity and get a cute girlfriend >all I have to do is say yes >rather fantasize a life with a girl I met online who is filled with psychological issues and nowhere near as cute as her Even my 16 year old brother tells me I should just get a girl to have sex with casually every now and then. I just can't, I need to be able to relate to her, or have some sort of connection, I can't just have sex with a girl because she's attractive, I want someone who means something to me, I want someone to love.

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Anon is part of Weezer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/16/21(Thu)13:31:19 No.5063317 weezer 4af.png 479 KB PNG >WHAT'S WITH THESE HOMIES DISSING MY GIRL : Anonymous 09/16/21(Thu)13:35:31 No.5063347 this album actually looks and sounds like this
: Anonymous 09/16/21(Thu)13:31:19 No.5063317 weezer 4af.png 479 KB PNG >WHAT'S WITH THESE HOMIES DISSING MY GIRL : Anonymous 09/16/21(Thu)13:35:31 No.5063347 this album actually looks and sounds like this

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Anon finds an easy target | /r/Greentext

Relationship with a giri with (..) 09/18/21(Sat)09:02:47 No.65425487 >Asperger girl, super high IQ, hard working >she is weird due to Asperger >Still dream girl because same type of brain wiring >her ideas complete my own and 796 KB PNG vice versa >dates and texting continue after a month >she has no bf >still does not want to get physical what do lads? Is this a lost cause? I have never had this connection to a girl before, had 3 gfs before and while they were ok smart, I couldn't talk about the same type of stuff with them. How do I eventually make her my gf? 49 Replies / 5 Images View Thread
Relationship with a giri with (..) 09/18/21(Sat)09:02:47 No.65425487 >Asperger girl, super high IQ, hard working >she is weird due to Asperger >Still dream girl because same type of brain wiring >her ideas complete my own and 796 KB PNG vice versa >dates and texting continue after a month >she has no bf >still does not want to get physical what do lads? Is this a lost cause? I have never had this connection to a girl before, had 3 gfs before and while they were ok smart, I couldn't talk about the same type of stuff with them. How do I eventually make her my gf? 49 Replies / 5 Images View Thread

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