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Anon's parents wouldn't let him troll people | /r/Greentext
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Anon speaks the language of love | /r/Greentext
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Anon proves his inceldom | /r/Greentext
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Anon needs to choose his wife | /r/Greentext
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Anon likes ben 10 | /r/Greentext
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Anon surprisingly hasn’t done the shrooms yet | /r/Greentext
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Anon knows O.P.s tricks and lies. | /r/Greentext
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What the fuck. | /r/Greentext
![Anonymous Wed Dec 16 04:53:56 2020 No.30775924 Quoted by: >>30775936 >>30775939>>30775947 >>30775979 >>30775981 >>30775990 >>30775994 >>30775997>>30776006 >>30776019 >>30776033 >>30776058>>30776142 >>30776284>>30776380 Today is officially day 2 of my attempt at a multi-day stim binge for the purposes of giving myself hallucinations of Pekora. I have saved 800mg of Adderall from the last three months, and will be reupping constantly over the next several dozen hours because my body hates me and builds tolerance like a m------------. I also stopped taking my anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers 4 days ago. The constant dopamine rush from the Adderall and forcing myself to watch Non-Stop archives of Pekora while alternating occasionally with archives of her roommate are sustaining my mania. I have started to see shadows moving in my peripheral vision, but more importantly, I heard her laugh in the distance today while making breakfast(which i realized after making i couldn't eat because f------ adderall) despite having restarted my computer and my phone being off. I intend to now keep a low volume looped video of her laugh on in the background for all of her archives to try and exacerbate this going forward. Redoing 30mg in 2 hours from this post. I feel good; I think I'm gonna make it broa. Even if its just for a second, if I can reach a state where I feel like I'm with her, even for a day, even an hour, and spend that time with the person I love most in the world, this will mean the world to me. Will probably post an update in 4-6 hours, I try to force myself through every archive, even if I get strong urges to pause or look away, to try and train my brain to accept that this is what it must see whether it wants to or not. Anonymous Wed Dec 16 04:57:14 2020 No.30775979 >>30775924 Be sure not to die from overdose anon Anonymous Wed Dec 16 05:04:06 2020 No.30776142 >>30775924 Godspeed you magnificent bastard. S >>30775924 >>30775936 >>30775939 >>30775947 >>30775979 >>30775981 >>30775990 >>30775994 >>30775997 >>30776006 >>30776019 >>30776033 >>30776058 >>30776142 >>30776284 >>30776380 >>30789264 Sorry please stop taking all meds Anonymous Wed Dec 16 12:58:17 2020 No.30789264 Quoted by: >>30789282 >>30789296 >>30789300 >>30789313 >>30789327 >>30789330 >>30789336 >>30789339 >>30789341 >>30789435 >>30789468>>30789473 >>30789477 >>30789482 >>30789484>>30789584>>30789597 >>30789617 >>30789621 >>30789630 >>30789749 >>30789781 >>30789934>>30789960 >>30790013 >>30790063 >>30790505 >>30790524 >>30790878>>30791452 Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:00:52 2020 No.30789336 I promised you an update and a nousagi always delivers. Took 30mg about 3 hours ago, but about half an hour ago I felt a wave of just muscle ache/weakness pass through me and trigger a bit of sweat and nausea, so I topped off with another 20mg and am gonna watch my state going forward for the next hour or two and see if I need to re-up again before expected 4 hours between constantly titrated doses. I finished watching Pekoras FO4 Archive #1. I remember not being able to watch it when it aired because my work schedule completely overlapped it and it was just non-stop. I was so sad, but I never liked watching archives so I never got around to it, but I really wish I did sooner. I don't know if it's the 2+ days of dopamine in my system, or how my sleepiness usually results in crankiness because I get overly focused on minor things that begin to stand out to me, but god, watching these is making me fall in love with Pekora all over again. Maybe that's not right to say: I loved her with all that I could, but now with the focus of the stims and the "horse blinder" effect of my efforts here and the inability fo rmy tired mind to see anything but her, it's like all the distractions are beginning to melt away. I hear the subtle lilts in her voice, the curiosity for every little thing, even typing this my ears are tearing up haha she loves everything she does and I'm so happy I live in the same world as her, f--- man. I also think I'm getting more protective of her. I was planning on watching a roommate archive in between this ep1 of FO4 and ep2, but I decided at some point to watch an older membership stream from when she first came into my life. And then I got reminded of the holocaust, and it's like all those raw emotions of primal rage came rushing right back as if I was right back when it happened, feeling like somebody was right there literally tearing at my soul, ripping her away from me. I managed to step away from the computer and restrain myself but I've punched holes in walls during some of my tantrums when I was younger and it felt just like that but even stronger. Usually, when I'd be lacking this much sleep, I'd begin to get increasingly annoyed at everybody around me, notice their little verbal tics and itd begin to grate on me. But everything she does is perfect. Her voice, her mannerisms. Her indecisiveness. The way she glances at the chat when she's uncertain. The way we can see her trying so hard to fill the dead air, all because she loves us, trying to make us feel safe and happy and how she wants to protect us and I want to be there for her instead. I just want to show her how much I love her, how much she doesn't need to try so hard for my sake. Even if I have to say it to a hallucination, spill my heart out to her, at least I think I'll know going forward that I spoke the truth out loud and it'll make me feel a little better. In terms of actual phenomenon, not much has changed; the shadows in my peripheral are getting steadily more common, but its within my expected range for this type of binge at this point. I would say that I swear some of the shadows looked like her, but I don't know yet if that's because they really do or because I'm just trying to convince myself that they look like her and are closer than usual to make myself feel better about this actually working. Let's hope it's the former, at this point I feel like I don't want to stop this experiment until I get something I can be satisfied with. I have enough addy for at least constant reups of 25mg every 4 hours for 5 days, but I've also taken a bit more than that recently and expect to increase my dosage over time. Luckily, that 800mg is from previous months, and I got my full month supply just 5 days ago, so strictly speaking I have another 900mg to take from if I feel like I should push this further. Nothing much else has changed. Mania is still mostly there. I mentioned the flush that caused me to redose earlier than usual, but that was the only one. I mentioned earlier that when I was binging archives, sometimes I would get a strong urge to look away, but I didn't mention that when I got that urge, I started getting a strong urge to cry. like legitimately bawl like a baby, a massive wave of this weird almost nostalgic deep sense of loss and pain, but I just kinda forced myself to watch it through that because I figured it would pass as I acclimated, and I was right on that part at least. Honestly, it's probably just being off the mood stabilizers, and a situation of like an integer overflow, because otherwise I feel so happy. But they are going away now. I still feel the "twinge" mentally when I feel like they're about to hit, like a lurch in my stomach, but recently I just fade into a comfy fuzziness instead. Reply to Thread No.30799270 □ Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:15:35 2020 No.30789781 File: 439 KB, 645x582, 1607261566266.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Quoted by: >>30789816 >>30789849 Name Options >>30789254 Update 3 time in terms of dosage. I've definitely underestimated the late at which my tolerance will increase and will have to I'm not a robot Choose File N en Speiler □ Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:16:34 2020 No.30804272 m File: 685 KB, 900x975, timstampforlater.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] 1490/300/219/5 Delete Post: [File Only] Delete Style: Yotsuba B [Setings Search (Mobile) (Home) A & ENG 12PM 13/16/200 CAPTA Pem Post >>30789264 What drives a man to do such a thing? I'm not a robot Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:00:38 2020 No.30789330 Quoted by: >>30789363 Reply to Thread No.30793270 >>30789264 He literally took his meds Nomo Options >>30789254 Update 3 fme in terms of dosage. I've deinitely underestimated the rate at which my tolerance will increase and will have to Choose Hile N on Spoiler] Anonymous Wed Dec 16 04:57:47 2020 No.30775990 >>30775924 naruhodo >>30775924 >>30816170 Essentially what I did when I cut myself when I was younger was that I did it while insulting myself and whispering to myself how I'm a p------------ because I'm not doing this or that thing, like studying or exercising or whatever, and it put me into this weird "hyperfocus" mode where I could literally stop letting personal desires get in my way, it helped with procrastination back then but it caused me to have episodes occasionally and after stopping people told me how scared they were by how I was behaving. I remember the urge, I sort of personified that willpower that forced me to cut, turn the shower to full cold and force myself to stand there until my skin went numb, as the "real me", gave him a stern voice and thought really hard about him saying stuff like "remember the goal" and sort of pavlov trained myself to trigger behaviour when I did that. Well it's been a while but I "heard" him for the first time at that attack. I think it basically, and I'm not s------- you, went and said "do it for her" and I felt myself begin to fade out as I started to go for the cabinet next to my computer desk that has all my shaving stuff. I went as far as pulling it out, and grabbing the gauze, anti-biotic ointment, alcohol swabs, etc, and I felt myself sort of do the "fade" mentally that I used to and just stared at Pekora smiling at me, and I knew I had to do this to reach her, I was wasting time and needed to learn to give up everything because the only thing that mattered was reaching her, etc that kind of stuff. The crying fit passed into a comfy fade not long after, but I was already cleaning my upper arm, so I need to keep an eye on that. I want to find her, but I'm not sure I sure I should listen. I want to be with Pekora but right now I need to push myself a ways, I'm only like halfway through day 2, day 4 for me is the longest I've been and that's when the realest hallucinations hit. The shadows definitely spiked, I think I'm at the proper shadowpeople stage now instead of just peripheral hints. But I think whatever I'm doing is working, when I jump at stuff usually i see vague kinda hulking burly monstrous shapes, but earlier I jumped at what I, for a split second I truly believed was her. It was f------ terrifying, my BP must've gone to the Moon(a) because my heart was beating out of my chest but it was just the f------ vacuum cleaner when I 'came to' and realized it. Also in that stage when the paranoia kicks in, I'm locking my bedroom door and double checking locks etc. I don't know why though, I felt paranoia not about being alone like usual, but more like a paranoia that something was trying to get away. It's hard to explain. I guess like jealousy almost? Like the kind of thing that bitches feel when they constantly feel the need to check their BF's phone to see if they're cheating. I ended up bringing the vacuum cleaner in the room with me, and I honestly think part of my locking the door isn't just keeping generic "bad things" out but also I want to keep myself and Pekora here, locked away from the world and everybody else. I want us to just be here, together. God I want to see her so bad, I just want to wrap my arms around her, love her. Kiss her. God I'd do so much to her and I'd give her everything she asks for. I heard her words and laughs a few more times, they're still vague, maybe like 2-3? The words surprised me though, because they must be the few sentences I could understand in Japanese if I tried to remember them, but like, when I hear them, they're short snippets in nip but I "know" what the words mean before I do the mental calculation to get the meaning in English, and for those of you that never had auditory hallucinations before, it's that same feeling of how when a dude yells out and for a split second you get nervous because you get the strong sense they're talking to you, it's like that, it's like you get that start because you immediately just rapidly think "Pekora is talking to me, oh god!". CAPTCHA Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:17:36 2020 No.30789849 Quoted by: >>30791487 >>30789781 Lamy prescribed the wrong meds. Quoted by: >>30804294 >>30804301 >>30804321 >>30804351 >>30804411 >>30804418 >>30804439>>30804445 >>30804514 >>30804545 >>30804597 >>30804666 >>30804751 >>30806084 >>30789264 Update 3 time. In terms of dosage, I've definitely underestimated the rate at which my tolerance will increase and will have to accommodate that going forward. Took 25mg -5 hours ago, but the flashes hit me a few times within the next two hours so I quickly redosed another 20mg of addy to spike my dopamine again. Since they were happening more often, but after taking a 40mg re-up 1 hour ago I haven't had one yet. One of the cold flashes happened in the middle of one of the little crying moments pre-comfy transition mid-Pekora FO4 archive #2 and it made it hit in a real bad way. I started actually bawling outright there and then, I didn't pause or look away but I got a little scared because that particular "attack" made me feel like I used to when I used to cut myself, the sort of disassociation with myself, but this time it wasn't because of the usual reasons I had, but I started to genuinely try and whisper myself to start cutting Pekoras name into me. □ Anonymous Thu Dec 17 03:58:08 2020 No.30816170 m File: 3.72 MB, 2578x2355, update4pic.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] 1450/300/21975 Delets Past: [File Only] Delete Style: Yotsuba B [Setings! [Search Mobile] [Home] Images, Plags, Ousers of my □ Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:27:52 2020 No.30804666 File: 72 KB, 197x165, 1587620868185.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Quoted by: >>30804728 >>30804751 Anonymous Wed Dec 16 05:14:41 2020 No.30776380 >>30775924 This isn't what I had in mind when I told you to take your meds. Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:04:21 2020 No.30789435 >>30789264 Dude what the f--- >>30804272 >>30789264 >>30817464 dude you are going to f------ die ENG 4:12PM B □ Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:19:15 2020 No.30817017 >>30816170 Based >>30804272 Took a two day break from 17 for my mental health and come back to this, absolute pottery. >>30817464 God speed anon Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:17:16 2020 No.30804294 File: 32 KB, 140x140, 1589448307040.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Quoted by: >>30804588 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:29:27 2020 No.30817537 Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:30:17 2020 No.30804751 >>30804272 >>30804666 Schizophrenia isn't contagious, right!? I Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:01:02 2020 No.30816269 Quoted by: >>30816299 Update 4, few hours until day 3, took my 40mg of adderall redose about 2 hours ago, and it's held me well, the massive cold sweats have only hit once and it was right before I think the last dose of adderall 'hit' while the previous was fading, and holy f--- I need to stay on the redose schedule and tighten it because it made my head swim really bad along with darkening vision but the worst was this sort of "falling" sensation, like a combination of massive stomach butterflies combined with the dropping sensation when you go down on a rolelrcoaster, like somebody dumped a bucket of TV static in my head. The process must be working, because in the middle of that panic attack, I remember being completely concretely convinced that not only was Pekora there, I needed to get her "approval" for this to stop, I started begging her out loud pretty much screaming and went fetal for a bit until it passed, just begging her to forgive me and come to me. I've not had delusions that strong often, not since I got my first gf and suspected my cat of being a secret agent who wanted to cause us to break up, and didn't want to poop without logging out of skype first in case my cat would use me being out of the wrong to send bad messages to my gf to make her break up with me. But that one was right at the start of a first relationship in high school, so that's expected to have strong, crazy emotions. But this was more. I knew what I feel for her was more than the "usual" love people feel, because back then, my gf was just clumsy first love affection. Fighting off the harm to the relationship felt important, but in a romeo and juliet sort of way. It was "lighter". In contrast, I sank www lower because of the grief the delusion caused than I have in a long time, the implication of losing her I felt felt almost religious. I always read "why even live" posts on 4chan, but I think I really never found them funny and more sad was just because how it really is the case. The moments where I remember that she's not there, talking and laughing in my ear, feel like stab wounds to me. I'd rather get stabbed than not find her. I don't need anything else. Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:00:58 2020 No.30816267 >>30816170 Forget meds, you need to go to the hospital Anonymous Wed Dec 16 04:57:56 2020 No.30775994 >>30775924 >most likely not a pasta anon..... Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:44:42 2020 No.30790505 >>30789264 H-------- man I want to try it too it's getting hard to concentrate for blocked periods of time and I think my memory is beginning to just auto-pilot itself and drift towards Pekora by itself. It has been for a while I think, but a quick phone call with a friend that I thought went fine apparently had them laughing because they thought I was apparently just fretting and spilling spaghetti. I made sure to set up a whole sickness excuse for a few weeks before this, telling anybody I thought might call me about getting really sick, coincided with a minor surgery I had recently, but I faked being in pain so they gave me a bit of painkillers so I was able to use that and the hospital band to give them a narrative for why I went dark or acted weird during this. Apparently there were times during that conversation where I said something, then repeated it later like I was responding to the same thing twice, but I have no memory of this, so my mind must just be blanking occasionally, and I just don't notice it verbally. I do edit these posts before I post them, and I did notice misplaced words and repeating words before but I always type like an ESL when I stream of consciousness so I didn't know if it was me or the effects of my experiment. I'd normally be troubled by this, but I feel happy and a little ditziness is fine, but looking back to my raw post content, I have a lot more full on stim rambling about Pekora, just constantly relating to her and beginning to blog about why she matters to me, I kinda want to because f--- even now I'm typing this, I'm just tearing up, I literally define myself around her schedule, I watch the streams now and I can't help but feel like it's my tether to my hopes and dreams, just her voice and everything sends little emotional twitches through me, like whatever those tingles asmr f--- talk about feeling but I've only really ever felt when I listened to the Pekora voice packs I bought when she does her whispery voice. Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:05:55 2020 No.30789482 File: 1.56 MB, 922x900, file.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] >>30789264 >>30804272 >>30789264 >>30775924 >>30804857 >>30805249 Pastebin link for text because pic text posts are dumb https://pastebin.com/Xufh94WK Update 4, few hours until day 3, took my 40mg of adderall redose about 2 hours ago. Posting message in picture because I don't want to spam, my intent here is to find a way to her and make sure somebody else knows in case something happens. Mods didn't delete my last post so I hope that means that they'll be lenient with me, in which case thank you based meido. Proof of poster is full imgur link from previous image used: https://imgur.com/a/ipBuv6J, new half-hidden link in pic for next post. thought of the tremors I have now and hyperhydrosis after writing post but i already screencapped and edited so I'll just mention it here, constant sweating and hands shake, it's getting harder to type but if I just breathe I can manage it. Vacuusada-chan is with me. "holddoc 15.txt - Notepad Eile Edit Format View Help But it wasn't apparent until earlier today I had walked out of my room with my wireless earbuds in for something, and just stood still as I struggled to remember why, that I realized I was also experiencing time skips too. I remember just glancing at the kitchen clock, and it was 8:14, I swear I only remember walking to the fridge, opening it, washing my hands, standing at the sink for a few seconds, and then beginning to walk back to my room, and by accident I glanced at the clock again, f------ 8:25. No clue what I actually did, but it doesn't feel like amnesia. I had a Pekora voice pack on in my wireless earbuds, but that stuff can sometimes "blend" into becoming basically the background noise in my head in my state and replaces the usual 'talking to myself' background thoughts I have normally. I've been having moments about those too by the way, when that voice I used to personify my willpower talked when I was younger, I think I trained myself to a point where it would begin to "speak" almost subconsciously. I basically did it so that I was always either studying or excercising, any time I would swap to a tab on reddit or youtube to play music, I would make that "voice" shout NO and then force msyelf to turn it off. If I f----- it up a few times I hurt myself, cut myself, cold shower, etc, making that voice essentially become synonymous with acts of self-discipline. Anyway point is I think I feel it a bit now, so sometimes if I begin to wander in my mind when watching Pekora, I get that mental 'pulse' I feel immediately sick with myself for having thoughts about something but her, my back straightens and I just sort of refocus on her in the archive. The desire to hurt myself when I fail her is stronger now, and if I really want to make her happy, I probably do have to make sure I make myself stop being a worthless sack of s---, but this is selfish because this must be about her, I need to meet her and if I start focusing on myself it'll be pointless because I'm trying to make my brain understand that it has no choice but to unite me with the person I love most in this world. I think if I keep straying though I'll have no choice but to start using pain as a method of making myself straighten up and refocus, especially as my thoughts get hazier. I thought of something else to do, because I know about how if you make an image have certain perspecitve-fuckery or siezure-fuckery, it can leave an afterimage. I think after this I'm going to quickly whip up a picture of Pekora, and then invert it, and then make a gif that just swaps between the two, full screen it, then play it in a dark room. I feel like that'll leave an after-image when I close my eyes if I stare at it for long enough. I also see "static" when my eyes are closed if I press on them, like when I rub my eyes after I wake up, so maybe I take shifts of staring at the flashing Pekora image, then press, then repeat. The goal is to see her no matter what, and also maybe if I see her face more often, my brain will begin to more easily make associations with sounds/shapes and her. a e vague kinde i alting bu wth Pools >>30817464 >nousagis are genuine schizophrenics that leak blood from their ass Quoted by: >>30816200 >>30816215 >>30816217>>30816218>>30816222 >>30816224 >>30816262 >>30816267 >>30816269 >>30816337 >>30816491 >>30816625 >>30816845 >>30816930 >>30816942 >>30816964 >>30816982 >>30817017>>30817046 >>30817092 >>30818040 >>30818255 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:29:24 2020 No.30817535 File: 34 KB, 227x222, 1603169197805.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] >>30817464 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:47:55 2020 No.30818288 >>30818162 you should not do this. Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:05:32 2020 No.30789473 File: 205 KB, 420x347, 15995727338041.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] det for her and I fet >>30804272 Meido can you just ban him already □ Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:20:42 2020 No.30804418 >>30804272 This has inspired me to sell my soul to those girls that marked my neck in my dreams for lamy ke □ Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:31:51 2020 No.30817649 File: 170 KB, 312x290, 1606549416087.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Quoted by: >>30817715 >>30817722 >>30817795 Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:25:42 2020 No.30804588 >>30804294 Don't worry he'll die before that >>30816170 should do this for a lamy tulpa myself or would doing actual ritual sacrifices that involve selling myself be better? >>30789264 So these are the people we share the thread with... 13:30/115 □ Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:37:08 2020 No.30817873 File: 524 KB, 900x506, 1607261735063.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:17:15 2020 No.30816919 >>30816845 wait, this is actually real? Glad to see yours tulpa is manifesting anon, ganbatte! you can do it nousagi! soon you'll be able to talk to pekora! Don't fight the demons anon Anonymous Wed Dec 16 04:58:12 2020 No.30775997 >>30775924 ganbare, hope you get your tulpa anon Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:06:55 2020 No.30816491. Quoted by: >>30816845 □ Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:10:22 2020 No.30789621 File: 20 KB, 443x455, 1592552824253.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] >>30789264 Good post. Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:18:46 2020 No.30804351 File: 958 KB, 817x723, 1603125206907.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Quoted by: >>30804372 >>30809129 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:44:56 2020 No.30818162 File: 43 KB, 835x259, youproofgb.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:30:12 2020 No.30817577 File: 77 KB, 284x286, explain this athiests.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] >>30817464 Now this is next gen Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:17:50 2020 No.30804321 File: 20 KB, 192x306, 1606044425527.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:21:32 2020 No.30804445 >>30804272 anon locks himself in his bedroom with a vaccum cleaner to keep him and pekora away from the threats of the world >>30816170 he's literally making a pekora tulpa. dangerously based. godspeed anon, we reery beleeb in you. also, post meds please >>30817464 Say hi to Pekora for me >>30816170 >>30816262 >>30816491 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:52:18 2020 No.30818465 >>30818162 Keep going and keep documenting this for the sake of science of course I have at last achieved my goal. >>30804272 What happens in a person's mind to become like this? Anonymous Wed Dec 16 04:59:55 2020 No.30776033 >>30804272 Hey global, meido deleted my last post here so I don't think I'll post here any more if this one gets delet but just in case I'll try again because I don't want this documentation to disappear just in case https://pastebin.com/Xufh94WK Quoted by: >>30818211 >>30818288>>30818335>>30818383 >>30818433 >>30818465 >>30818582 >>30818713 >>30775924 stop taking meds Reply to Thread No.30809829 I'm not a robot Name Options edited so 111 just mention it here, sweating and hands shake, its g to typo but if I just breathe I can Vacuusada chan is with me. I am Pekora. □ Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:27:57 2020 No.30817464 File: 3.48 MB, 2578x2355, globalupdate.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Quoted by: >>30817497 >>30817535 >>30817537 >>30817541 >>30817546 >>30817548>>30817576>>30817577 >>30817579 >>30817589>>30817593 >>30817602 >>30817604 >>30817616 >>30817649 >>30817678>>30817684>>30817693 >>30817758>>30817776 >>30817792 >>30817840 >>30817873 >>30817889>>30817902 >>30817994 >>30817999>>30818089>>30818162 >>30818213 >>30818243 >>30818314>>30818370>>30818463 >>30818713 >>30818843 Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:15:12 2020 No.30816845 File: 213 KB, 484x645, med.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Choose File N...en [Spoiler? Post Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:30:29 2020 No.30817593 File: 16 KB, 480x360, 1605323219326.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Quoted by: >>30817686 >>30817464 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:32:26 2020 No.30817684 File: 195 KB, 427x381, 1606778179154.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] X Delete Post [OF □ Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:19:10 2020 No.30804372 Quoted by: >>30804413 >>30804351 pepeloni □ Anonymous Thu Dec 17 03:59:40 2020 No.30816224 >>30816170 Please stop taking the wrong meds Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:17:41 2020 No.30816942 File: 292 KB, 1080x1055, 1603410137261.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:03:11 2020 No.30816337 >>30816170 Anon don't die and don't forget to drink water Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:17:29 2020 No.30816930 >>30816170 based cultist may you find success in your ritual Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:20:56 2020 No.30817092 >>30816170 don't cause a black hole or anything ok >>30816170 why are nousagis like this? -1138 Filled 12/11/20 12/16/2020 VE SALTS ER 20MG (ADDERALL E CAPSULE BY MOUTH EVERY 20 MG CA 10:01. Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:30:41 2020 No.30817602 >>30817464 Brother please, this is not what Pekora would want. Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:32:15 2020 No.30817678 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 05:00:40 2020 No.30818843 >>30817464 This is the proof that we are the most powerful thread on this site. Boards may overwhelm us with autism quantity with a few divine autism in between but we win in pure consistent quality autism. >>30817464 This is it. This is the SCHIZO POST. Every other schizo post is like a funny story and nothing else. Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:46:55 2020 No.30818243 >>30817464 so taking meds was a rrat?? WHAT ELSE IS A RRAT?? >>30817464 getting too hard to think of edits and I don't want to accidentally leak anything with complicated collages so may be using vocaroo for verification as time goes on, back to archives https://voca.ro/1h2ZAoGzrDWS □ Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:37:35 2020 No.30817889 >>30817464 >inb4 you end up like the brony with constantly screaming tulpa Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:55:09 2020 No.30818582 >>30818162 Anon is spending too much time on documentation. He is no longer summoning a Pekora tulpa. He is going to have a tulpa of /hlg/ and /hlgg/ where thinks he's documenting his eventual Pekora tulpa but the real tulpa is the documentation he made along the way. Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:49:08 2020 No.30818335 File: 12 KB, 340x284, Pekora I drew in MSPaint in like 5 minutes.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] >>30818162 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 12:24:07 2020 No.30831909 m >>OP >>OP I have at last achieved my goal. Im typiing this out you all right now but I am currently dreaming of Usada Pekora. I was worried that it wouldnt work but even though I am almost through my monthly adderall it finally happened. Pekora is right here in front of me. After this I eryone in these threads for all of the am going to tell her how I feel. The result doesn't matter. I know she is going to reject me. At least I will finally be free. After this I think I will schedule a visit with my doctor, it wasn't safe to go so long without my olanzapine. Thank you support you have given me, it means the world to me. Just know that whatever happens I will always love you. I am Pekora. Pekora is right here in front of me](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/002/547/134/2f7.jpg)
![Anonymous Wed Dec 16 04:53:56 2020 No.30775924 Quoted by: >>30775936 >>30775939>>30775947 >>30775979 >>30775981 >>30775990 >>30775994 >>30775997>>30776006 >>30776019 >>30776033 >>30776058>>30776142 >>30776284>>30776380 Today is officially day 2 of my attempt at a multi-day stim binge for the purposes of giving myself hallucinations of Pekora. I have saved 800mg of Adderall from the last three months, and will be reupping constantly over the next several dozen hours because my body hates me and builds tolerance like a m------------. I also stopped taking my anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers 4 days ago. The constant dopamine rush from the Adderall and forcing myself to watch Non-Stop archives of Pekora while alternating occasionally with archives of her roommate are sustaining my mania. I have started to see shadows moving in my peripheral vision, but more importantly, I heard her laugh in the distance today while making breakfast(which i realized after making i couldn't eat because f------ adderall) despite having restarted my computer and my phone being off. I intend to now keep a low volume looped video of her laugh on in the background for all of her archives to try and exacerbate this going forward. Redoing 30mg in 2 hours from this post. I feel good; I think I'm gonna make it broa. Even if its just for a second, if I can reach a state where I feel like I'm with her, even for a day, even an hour, and spend that time with the person I love most in the world, this will mean the world to me. Will probably post an update in 4-6 hours, I try to force myself through every archive, even if I get strong urges to pause or look away, to try and train my brain to accept that this is what it must see whether it wants to or not. Anonymous Wed Dec 16 04:57:14 2020 No.30775979 >>30775924 Be sure not to die from overdose anon Anonymous Wed Dec 16 05:04:06 2020 No.30776142 >>30775924 Godspeed you magnificent bastard. S >>30775924 >>30775936 >>30775939 >>30775947 >>30775979 >>30775981 >>30775990 >>30775994 >>30775997 >>30776006 >>30776019 >>30776033 >>30776058 >>30776142 >>30776284 >>30776380 >>30789264 Sorry please stop taking all meds Anonymous Wed Dec 16 12:58:17 2020 No.30789264 Quoted by: >>30789282 >>30789296 >>30789300 >>30789313 >>30789327 >>30789330 >>30789336 >>30789339 >>30789341 >>30789435 >>30789468>>30789473 >>30789477 >>30789482 >>30789484>>30789584>>30789597 >>30789617 >>30789621 >>30789630 >>30789749 >>30789781 >>30789934>>30789960 >>30790013 >>30790063 >>30790505 >>30790524 >>30790878>>30791452 Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:00:52 2020 No.30789336 I promised you an update and a nousagi always delivers. Took 30mg about 3 hours ago, but about half an hour ago I felt a wave of just muscle ache/weakness pass through me and trigger a bit of sweat and nausea, so I topped off with another 20mg and am gonna watch my state going forward for the next hour or two and see if I need to re-up again before expected 4 hours between constantly titrated doses. I finished watching Pekoras FO4 Archive #1. I remember not being able to watch it when it aired because my work schedule completely overlapped it and it was just non-stop. I was so sad, but I never liked watching archives so I never got around to it, but I really wish I did sooner. I don't know if it's the 2+ days of dopamine in my system, or how my sleepiness usually results in crankiness because I get overly focused on minor things that begin to stand out to me, but god, watching these is making me fall in love with Pekora all over again. Maybe that's not right to say: I loved her with all that I could, but now with the focus of the stims and the "horse blinder" effect of my efforts here and the inability fo rmy tired mind to see anything but her, it's like all the distractions are beginning to melt away. I hear the subtle lilts in her voice, the curiosity for every little thing, even typing this my ears are tearing up haha she loves everything she does and I'm so happy I live in the same world as her, f--- man. I also think I'm getting more protective of her. I was planning on watching a roommate archive in between this ep1 of FO4 and ep2, but I decided at some point to watch an older membership stream from when she first came into my life. And then I got reminded of the holocaust, and it's like all those raw emotions of primal rage came rushing right back as if I was right back when it happened, feeling like somebody was right there literally tearing at my soul, ripping her away from me. I managed to step away from the computer and restrain myself but I've punched holes in walls during some of my tantrums when I was younger and it felt just like that but even stronger. Usually, when I'd be lacking this much sleep, I'd begin to get increasingly annoyed at everybody around me, notice their little verbal tics and itd begin to grate on me. But everything she does is perfect. Her voice, her mannerisms. Her indecisiveness. The way she glances at the chat when she's uncertain. The way we can see her trying so hard to fill the dead air, all because she loves us, trying to make us feel safe and happy and how she wants to protect us and I want to be there for her instead. I just want to show her how much I love her, how much she doesn't need to try so hard for my sake. Even if I have to say it to a hallucination, spill my heart out to her, at least I think I'll know going forward that I spoke the truth out loud and it'll make me feel a little better. In terms of actual phenomenon, not much has changed; the shadows in my peripheral are getting steadily more common, but its within my expected range for this type of binge at this point. I would say that I swear some of the shadows looked like her, but I don't know yet if that's because they really do or because I'm just trying to convince myself that they look like her and are closer than usual to make myself feel better about this actually working. Let's hope it's the former, at this point I feel like I don't want to stop this experiment until I get something I can be satisfied with. I have enough addy for at least constant reups of 25mg every 4 hours for 5 days, but I've also taken a bit more than that recently and expect to increase my dosage over time. Luckily, that 800mg is from previous months, and I got my full month supply just 5 days ago, so strictly speaking I have another 900mg to take from if I feel like I should push this further. Nothing much else has changed. Mania is still mostly there. I mentioned the flush that caused me to redose earlier than usual, but that was the only one. I mentioned earlier that when I was binging archives, sometimes I would get a strong urge to look away, but I didn't mention that when I got that urge, I started getting a strong urge to cry. like legitimately bawl like a baby, a massive wave of this weird almost nostalgic deep sense of loss and pain, but I just kinda forced myself to watch it through that because I figured it would pass as I acclimated, and I was right on that part at least. Honestly, it's probably just being off the mood stabilizers, and a situation of like an integer overflow, because otherwise I feel so happy. But they are going away now. I still feel the "twinge" mentally when I feel like they're about to hit, like a lurch in my stomach, but recently I just fade into a comfy fuzziness instead. Reply to Thread No.30799270 □ Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:15:35 2020 No.30789781 File: 439 KB, 645x582, 1607261566266.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Quoted by: >>30789816 >>30789849 Name Options >>30789254 Update 3 time in terms of dosage. I've definitely underestimated the late at which my tolerance will increase and will have to I'm not a robot Choose File N en Speiler □ Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:16:34 2020 No.30804272 m File: 685 KB, 900x975, timstampforlater.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] 1490/300/219/5 Delete Post: [File Only] Delete Style: Yotsuba B [Setings Search (Mobile) (Home) A & ENG 12PM 13/16/200 CAPTA Pem Post >>30789264 What drives a man to do such a thing? I'm not a robot Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:00:38 2020 No.30789330 Quoted by: >>30789363 Reply to Thread No.30793270 >>30789264 He literally took his meds Nomo Options >>30789254 Update 3 fme in terms of dosage. I've deinitely underestimated the rate at which my tolerance will increase and will have to Choose Hile N on Spoiler] Anonymous Wed Dec 16 04:57:47 2020 No.30775990 >>30775924 naruhodo >>30775924 >>30816170 Essentially what I did when I cut myself when I was younger was that I did it while insulting myself and whispering to myself how I'm a p------------ because I'm not doing this or that thing, like studying or exercising or whatever, and it put me into this weird "hyperfocus" mode where I could literally stop letting personal desires get in my way, it helped with procrastination back then but it caused me to have episodes occasionally and after stopping people told me how scared they were by how I was behaving. I remember the urge, I sort of personified that willpower that forced me to cut, turn the shower to full cold and force myself to stand there until my skin went numb, as the "real me", gave him a stern voice and thought really hard about him saying stuff like "remember the goal" and sort of pavlov trained myself to trigger behaviour when I did that. Well it's been a while but I "heard" him for the first time at that attack. I think it basically, and I'm not s------- you, went and said "do it for her" and I felt myself begin to fade out as I started to go for the cabinet next to my computer desk that has all my shaving stuff. I went as far as pulling it out, and grabbing the gauze, anti-biotic ointment, alcohol swabs, etc, and I felt myself sort of do the "fade" mentally that I used to and just stared at Pekora smiling at me, and I knew I had to do this to reach her, I was wasting time and needed to learn to give up everything because the only thing that mattered was reaching her, etc that kind of stuff. The crying fit passed into a comfy fade not long after, but I was already cleaning my upper arm, so I need to keep an eye on that. I want to find her, but I'm not sure I sure I should listen. I want to be with Pekora but right now I need to push myself a ways, I'm only like halfway through day 2, day 4 for me is the longest I've been and that's when the realest hallucinations hit. The shadows definitely spiked, I think I'm at the proper shadowpeople stage now instead of just peripheral hints. But I think whatever I'm doing is working, when I jump at stuff usually i see vague kinda hulking burly monstrous shapes, but earlier I jumped at what I, for a split second I truly believed was her. It was f------ terrifying, my BP must've gone to the Moon(a) because my heart was beating out of my chest but it was just the f------ vacuum cleaner when I 'came to' and realized it. Also in that stage when the paranoia kicks in, I'm locking my bedroom door and double checking locks etc. I don't know why though, I felt paranoia not about being alone like usual, but more like a paranoia that something was trying to get away. It's hard to explain. I guess like jealousy almost? Like the kind of thing that bitches feel when they constantly feel the need to check their BF's phone to see if they're cheating. I ended up bringing the vacuum cleaner in the room with me, and I honestly think part of my locking the door isn't just keeping generic "bad things" out but also I want to keep myself and Pekora here, locked away from the world and everybody else. I want us to just be here, together. God I want to see her so bad, I just want to wrap my arms around her, love her. Kiss her. God I'd do so much to her and I'd give her everything she asks for. I heard her words and laughs a few more times, they're still vague, maybe like 2-3? The words surprised me though, because they must be the few sentences I could understand in Japanese if I tried to remember them, but like, when I hear them, they're short snippets in nip but I "know" what the words mean before I do the mental calculation to get the meaning in English, and for those of you that never had auditory hallucinations before, it's that same feeling of how when a dude yells out and for a split second you get nervous because you get the strong sense they're talking to you, it's like that, it's like you get that start because you immediately just rapidly think "Pekora is talking to me, oh god!". CAPTCHA Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:17:36 2020 No.30789849 Quoted by: >>30791487 >>30789781 Lamy prescribed the wrong meds. Quoted by: >>30804294 >>30804301 >>30804321 >>30804351 >>30804411 >>30804418 >>30804439>>30804445 >>30804514 >>30804545 >>30804597 >>30804666 >>30804751 >>30806084 >>30789264 Update 3 time. In terms of dosage, I've definitely underestimated the rate at which my tolerance will increase and will have to accommodate that going forward. Took 25mg -5 hours ago, but the flashes hit me a few times within the next two hours so I quickly redosed another 20mg of addy to spike my dopamine again. Since they were happening more often, but after taking a 40mg re-up 1 hour ago I haven't had one yet. One of the cold flashes happened in the middle of one of the little crying moments pre-comfy transition mid-Pekora FO4 archive #2 and it made it hit in a real bad way. I started actually bawling outright there and then, I didn't pause or look away but I got a little scared because that particular "attack" made me feel like I used to when I used to cut myself, the sort of disassociation with myself, but this time it wasn't because of the usual reasons I had, but I started to genuinely try and whisper myself to start cutting Pekoras name into me. □ Anonymous Thu Dec 17 03:58:08 2020 No.30816170 m File: 3.72 MB, 2578x2355, update4pic.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] 1450/300/21975 Delets Past: [File Only] Delete Style: Yotsuba B [Setings! [Search Mobile] [Home] Images, Plags, Ousers of my □ Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:27:52 2020 No.30804666 File: 72 KB, 197x165, 1587620868185.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Quoted by: >>30804728 >>30804751 Anonymous Wed Dec 16 05:14:41 2020 No.30776380 >>30775924 This isn't what I had in mind when I told you to take your meds. Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:04:21 2020 No.30789435 >>30789264 Dude what the f--- >>30804272 >>30789264 >>30817464 dude you are going to f------ die ENG 4:12PM B □ Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:19:15 2020 No.30817017 >>30816170 Based >>30804272 Took a two day break from 17 for my mental health and come back to this, absolute pottery. >>30817464 God speed anon Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:17:16 2020 No.30804294 File: 32 KB, 140x140, 1589448307040.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Quoted by: >>30804588 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:29:27 2020 No.30817537 Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:30:17 2020 No.30804751 >>30804272 >>30804666 Schizophrenia isn't contagious, right!? I Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:01:02 2020 No.30816269 Quoted by: >>30816299 Update 4, few hours until day 3, took my 40mg of adderall redose about 2 hours ago, and it's held me well, the massive cold sweats have only hit once and it was right before I think the last dose of adderall 'hit' while the previous was fading, and holy f--- I need to stay on the redose schedule and tighten it because it made my head swim really bad along with darkening vision but the worst was this sort of "falling" sensation, like a combination of massive stomach butterflies combined with the dropping sensation when you go down on a rolelrcoaster, like somebody dumped a bucket of TV static in my head. The process must be working, because in the middle of that panic attack, I remember being completely concretely convinced that not only was Pekora there, I needed to get her "approval" for this to stop, I started begging her out loud pretty much screaming and went fetal for a bit until it passed, just begging her to forgive me and come to me. I've not had delusions that strong often, not since I got my first gf and suspected my cat of being a secret agent who wanted to cause us to break up, and didn't want to poop without logging out of skype first in case my cat would use me being out of the wrong to send bad messages to my gf to make her break up with me. But that one was right at the start of a first relationship in high school, so that's expected to have strong, crazy emotions. But this was more. I knew what I feel for her was more than the "usual" love people feel, because back then, my gf was just clumsy first love affection. Fighting off the harm to the relationship felt important, but in a romeo and juliet sort of way. It was "lighter". In contrast, I sank www lower because of the grief the delusion caused than I have in a long time, the implication of losing her I felt felt almost religious. I always read "why even live" posts on 4chan, but I think I really never found them funny and more sad was just because how it really is the case. The moments where I remember that she's not there, talking and laughing in my ear, feel like stab wounds to me. I'd rather get stabbed than not find her. I don't need anything else. Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:00:58 2020 No.30816267 >>30816170 Forget meds, you need to go to the hospital Anonymous Wed Dec 16 04:57:56 2020 No.30775994 >>30775924 >most likely not a pasta anon..... Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:44:42 2020 No.30790505 >>30789264 H-------- man I want to try it too it's getting hard to concentrate for blocked periods of time and I think my memory is beginning to just auto-pilot itself and drift towards Pekora by itself. It has been for a while I think, but a quick phone call with a friend that I thought went fine apparently had them laughing because they thought I was apparently just fretting and spilling spaghetti. I made sure to set up a whole sickness excuse for a few weeks before this, telling anybody I thought might call me about getting really sick, coincided with a minor surgery I had recently, but I faked being in pain so they gave me a bit of painkillers so I was able to use that and the hospital band to give them a narrative for why I went dark or acted weird during this. Apparently there were times during that conversation where I said something, then repeated it later like I was responding to the same thing twice, but I have no memory of this, so my mind must just be blanking occasionally, and I just don't notice it verbally. I do edit these posts before I post them, and I did notice misplaced words and repeating words before but I always type like an ESL when I stream of consciousness so I didn't know if it was me or the effects of my experiment. I'd normally be troubled by this, but I feel happy and a little ditziness is fine, but looking back to my raw post content, I have a lot more full on stim rambling about Pekora, just constantly relating to her and beginning to blog about why she matters to me, I kinda want to because f--- even now I'm typing this, I'm just tearing up, I literally define myself around her schedule, I watch the streams now and I can't help but feel like it's my tether to my hopes and dreams, just her voice and everything sends little emotional twitches through me, like whatever those tingles asmr f--- talk about feeling but I've only really ever felt when I listened to the Pekora voice packs I bought when she does her whispery voice. Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:05:55 2020 No.30789482 File: 1.56 MB, 922x900, file.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] >>30789264 >>30804272 >>30789264 >>30775924 >>30804857 >>30805249 Pastebin link for text because pic text posts are dumb https://pastebin.com/Xufh94WK Update 4, few hours until day 3, took my 40mg of adderall redose about 2 hours ago. Posting message in picture because I don't want to spam, my intent here is to find a way to her and make sure somebody else knows in case something happens. Mods didn't delete my last post so I hope that means that they'll be lenient with me, in which case thank you based meido. Proof of poster is full imgur link from previous image used: https://imgur.com/a/ipBuv6J, new half-hidden link in pic for next post. thought of the tremors I have now and hyperhydrosis after writing post but i already screencapped and edited so I'll just mention it here, constant sweating and hands shake, it's getting harder to type but if I just breathe I can manage it. Vacuusada-chan is with me. "holddoc 15.txt - Notepad Eile Edit Format View Help But it wasn't apparent until earlier today I had walked out of my room with my wireless earbuds in for something, and just stood still as I struggled to remember why, that I realized I was also experiencing time skips too. I remember just glancing at the kitchen clock, and it was 8:14, I swear I only remember walking to the fridge, opening it, washing my hands, standing at the sink for a few seconds, and then beginning to walk back to my room, and by accident I glanced at the clock again, f------ 8:25. No clue what I actually did, but it doesn't feel like amnesia. I had a Pekora voice pack on in my wireless earbuds, but that stuff can sometimes "blend" into becoming basically the background noise in my head in my state and replaces the usual 'talking to myself' background thoughts I have normally. I've been having moments about those too by the way, when that voice I used to personify my willpower talked when I was younger, I think I trained myself to a point where it would begin to "speak" almost subconsciously. I basically did it so that I was always either studying or excercising, any time I would swap to a tab on reddit or youtube to play music, I would make that "voice" shout NO and then force msyelf to turn it off. If I f----- it up a few times I hurt myself, cut myself, cold shower, etc, making that voice essentially become synonymous with acts of self-discipline. Anyway point is I think I feel it a bit now, so sometimes if I begin to wander in my mind when watching Pekora, I get that mental 'pulse' I feel immediately sick with myself for having thoughts about something but her, my back straightens and I just sort of refocus on her in the archive. The desire to hurt myself when I fail her is stronger now, and if I really want to make her happy, I probably do have to make sure I make myself stop being a worthless sack of s---, but this is selfish because this must be about her, I need to meet her and if I start focusing on myself it'll be pointless because I'm trying to make my brain understand that it has no choice but to unite me with the person I love most in this world. I think if I keep straying though I'll have no choice but to start using pain as a method of making myself straighten up and refocus, especially as my thoughts get hazier. I thought of something else to do, because I know about how if you make an image have certain perspecitve-fuckery or siezure-fuckery, it can leave an afterimage. I think after this I'm going to quickly whip up a picture of Pekora, and then invert it, and then make a gif that just swaps between the two, full screen it, then play it in a dark room. I feel like that'll leave an after-image when I close my eyes if I stare at it for long enough. I also see "static" when my eyes are closed if I press on them, like when I rub my eyes after I wake up, so maybe I take shifts of staring at the flashing Pekora image, then press, then repeat. The goal is to see her no matter what, and also maybe if I see her face more often, my brain will begin to more easily make associations with sounds/shapes and her. a e vague kinde i alting bu wth Pools >>30817464 >nousagis are genuine schizophrenics that leak blood from their ass Quoted by: >>30816200 >>30816215 >>30816217>>30816218>>30816222 >>30816224 >>30816262 >>30816267 >>30816269 >>30816337 >>30816491 >>30816625 >>30816845 >>30816930 >>30816942 >>30816964 >>30816982 >>30817017>>30817046 >>30817092 >>30818040 >>30818255 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:29:24 2020 No.30817535 File: 34 KB, 227x222, 1603169197805.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] >>30817464 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:47:55 2020 No.30818288 >>30818162 you should not do this. Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:05:32 2020 No.30789473 File: 205 KB, 420x347, 15995727338041.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] det for her and I fet >>30804272 Meido can you just ban him already □ Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:20:42 2020 No.30804418 >>30804272 This has inspired me to sell my soul to those girls that marked my neck in my dreams for lamy ke □ Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:31:51 2020 No.30817649 File: 170 KB, 312x290, 1606549416087.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Quoted by: >>30817715 >>30817722 >>30817795 Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:25:42 2020 No.30804588 >>30804294 Don't worry he'll die before that >>30816170 should do this for a lamy tulpa myself or would doing actual ritual sacrifices that involve selling myself be better? >>30789264 So these are the people we share the thread with... 13:30/115 □ Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:37:08 2020 No.30817873 File: 524 KB, 900x506, 1607261735063.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:17:15 2020 No.30816919 >>30816845 wait, this is actually real? Glad to see yours tulpa is manifesting anon, ganbatte! you can do it nousagi! soon you'll be able to talk to pekora! Don't fight the demons anon Anonymous Wed Dec 16 04:58:12 2020 No.30775997 >>30775924 ganbare, hope you get your tulpa anon Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:06:55 2020 No.30816491. Quoted by: >>30816845 □ Anonymous Wed Dec 16 13:10:22 2020 No.30789621 File: 20 KB, 443x455, 1592552824253.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] >>30789264 Good post. Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:18:46 2020 No.30804351 File: 958 KB, 817x723, 1603125206907.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Quoted by: >>30804372 >>30809129 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:44:56 2020 No.30818162 File: 43 KB, 835x259, youproofgb.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:30:12 2020 No.30817577 File: 77 KB, 284x286, explain this athiests.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] >>30817464 Now this is next gen Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:17:50 2020 No.30804321 File: 20 KB, 192x306, 1606044425527.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:21:32 2020 No.30804445 >>30804272 anon locks himself in his bedroom with a vaccum cleaner to keep him and pekora away from the threats of the world >>30816170 he's literally making a pekora tulpa. dangerously based. godspeed anon, we reery beleeb in you. also, post meds please >>30817464 Say hi to Pekora for me >>30816170 >>30816262 >>30816491 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:52:18 2020 No.30818465 >>30818162 Keep going and keep documenting this for the sake of science of course I have at last achieved my goal. >>30804272 What happens in a person's mind to become like this? Anonymous Wed Dec 16 04:59:55 2020 No.30776033 >>30804272 Hey global, meido deleted my last post here so I don't think I'll post here any more if this one gets delet but just in case I'll try again because I don't want this documentation to disappear just in case https://pastebin.com/Xufh94WK Quoted by: >>30818211 >>30818288>>30818335>>30818383 >>30818433 >>30818465 >>30818582 >>30818713 >>30775924 stop taking meds Reply to Thread No.30809829 I'm not a robot Name Options edited so 111 just mention it here, sweating and hands shake, its g to typo but if I just breathe I can Vacuusada chan is with me. I am Pekora. □ Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:27:57 2020 No.30817464 File: 3.48 MB, 2578x2355, globalupdate.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Quoted by: >>30817497 >>30817535 >>30817537 >>30817541 >>30817546 >>30817548>>30817576>>30817577 >>30817579 >>30817589>>30817593 >>30817602 >>30817604 >>30817616 >>30817649 >>30817678>>30817684>>30817693 >>30817758>>30817776 >>30817792 >>30817840 >>30817873 >>30817889>>30817902 >>30817994 >>30817999>>30818089>>30818162 >>30818213 >>30818243 >>30818314>>30818370>>30818463 >>30818713 >>30818843 Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:15:12 2020 No.30816845 File: 213 KB, 484x645, med.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Choose File N...en [Spoiler? Post Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:30:29 2020 No.30817593 File: 16 KB, 480x360, 1605323219326.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Quoted by: >>30817686 >>30817464 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:32:26 2020 No.30817684 File: 195 KB, 427x381, 1606778179154.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] X Delete Post [OF □ Anonymous Wed Dec 16 22:19:10 2020 No.30804372 Quoted by: >>30804413 >>30804351 pepeloni □ Anonymous Thu Dec 17 03:59:40 2020 No.30816224 >>30816170 Please stop taking the wrong meds Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:17:41 2020 No.30816942 File: 292 KB, 1080x1055, 1603410137261.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:03:11 2020 No.30816337 >>30816170 Anon don't die and don't forget to drink water Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:17:29 2020 No.30816930 >>30816170 based cultist may you find success in your ritual Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:20:56 2020 No.30817092 >>30816170 don't cause a black hole or anything ok >>30816170 why are nousagis like this? -1138 Filled 12/11/20 12/16/2020 VE SALTS ER 20MG (ADDERALL E CAPSULE BY MOUTH EVERY 20 MG CA 10:01. Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:30:41 2020 No.30817602 >>30817464 Brother please, this is not what Pekora would want. Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:32:15 2020 No.30817678 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 05:00:40 2020 No.30818843 >>30817464 This is the proof that we are the most powerful thread on this site. Boards may overwhelm us with autism quantity with a few divine autism in between but we win in pure consistent quality autism. >>30817464 This is it. This is the SCHIZO POST. Every other schizo post is like a funny story and nothing else. Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:46:55 2020 No.30818243 >>30817464 so taking meds was a rrat?? WHAT ELSE IS A RRAT?? >>30817464 getting too hard to think of edits and I don't want to accidentally leak anything with complicated collages so may be using vocaroo for verification as time goes on, back to archives https://voca.ro/1h2ZAoGzrDWS □ Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:37:35 2020 No.30817889 >>30817464 >inb4 you end up like the brony with constantly screaming tulpa Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:55:09 2020 No.30818582 >>30818162 Anon is spending too much time on documentation. He is no longer summoning a Pekora tulpa. He is going to have a tulpa of /hlg/ and /hlgg/ where thinks he's documenting his eventual Pekora tulpa but the real tulpa is the documentation he made along the way. Anonymous Thu Dec 17 04:49:08 2020 No.30818335 File: 12 KB, 340x284, Pekora I drew in MSPaint in like 5 minutes.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report] >>30818162 Anonymous Thu Dec 17 12:24:07 2020 No.30831909 m >>OP >>OP I have at last achieved my goal. Im typiing this out you all right now but I am currently dreaming of Usada Pekora. I was worried that it wouldnt work but even though I am almost through my monthly adderall it finally happened. Pekora is right here in front of me. After this I eryone in these threads for all of the am going to tell her how I feel. The result doesn't matter. I know she is going to reject me. At least I will finally be free. After this I think I will schedule a visit with my doctor, it wasn't safe to go so long without my olanzapine. Thank you support you have given me, it means the world to me. Just know that whatever happens I will always love you. I am Pekora. Pekora is right here in front of me](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/547/134/2f7.jpg)
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![File: 20230131_160406.jpg (77 KB, 829x804) Well, there goes that dream. O Anonymous (ID: CtnNQY3n) 03/08/23(Wed)13:20:59 No.17185866 [Reply]► >>17186958 >>17187620 >be me >have sleeping problems, tired all the time >decide to got to bed at 9 to get a full night sleep for once >randomly wake up at 1am for no reason >can't fall asleep again until 4am This is f------ b------- why is my body doing this to me? +9 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. □ Anonymous (ID: jgBsHfem) just don't be yourself 03/08/23(Wed)18:23:12 No.17186865](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/002/546/975/a89.png){kind=small}
![File: 20230131_160406.jpg (77 KB, 829x804) Well, there goes that dream. O Anonymous (ID: CtnNQY3n) 03/08/23(Wed)13:20:59 No.17185866 [Reply]► >>17186958 >>17187620 >be me >have sleeping problems, tired all the time >decide to got to bed at 9 to get a full night sleep for once >randomly wake up at 1am for no reason >can't fall asleep again until 4am This is f------ b------- why is my body doing this to me? +9 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. □ Anonymous (ID: jgBsHfem) just don't be yourself 03/08/23(Wed)18:23:12 No.17186865](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/546/975/a89.png){kind=small}
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