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Anon is happy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/02/18(Fri)13:46:02 No.783841039 >walking down sidewalk >cat in neighbors window >meow at it >it meows back >12:45 AM >still happy about it 238 KB PNG How was your day anons
: Anonymous 11/02/18(Fri)13:46:02 No.783841039 >walking down sidewalk >cat in neighbors window >meow at it >it meows back >12:45 AM >still happy about it 238 KB PNG How was your day anons

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Anon tries the bar | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/11/14(Thu)15:06:43 No.35588678 File: image.jpg (45 KB, 468x498) >>35588775 >>35588791 >>35588910 >>35588951 >Be me >4 years ago >Succussful, friendly, good with people >Out at bar with some friends >Girl comes over and hits on me >Buy her a drink >She asks for a second of a different kind too >Tell the bartender to do it >Girl takes the drinks and say "k thx bye!" >Walks over to her boyfriend and kisses him while flipping me off >I look at the bartender and she shakes her head >Get idea >Ask for the two drinks she ordered on a different bill >Bartender agrees >Prints off the bill >Walk over and hand the girl the bill for her drinks >Girl laughs at me >Walk over to the bouncer and tell him the situation >Bouncer gets the thousand yard stare >l can only assume he was remembering a love long lost with a heart of gold now shattered >Bitch and her boyfriend try to leave >Bartender taps my shoulder to show me >Bouncer stands in front of them >"You will go pay for your drinks, now." >Boyfriend tries to get in his face >Bouncer calmly pushes him out of the bar >Stares at girl >Stares at girl >Girl starts crying >Stares at girl >Stares at girl >Girl puils a $20 bill out of her bra and hands it to the bouncer >Screams "Here you go a------!" >Runs out >Bouncer hands me the 20 and says "keep the change" >He knuckle-touches the bartender >1 thank him >Find out he likes camping >We camp together now with my fiancée and his wife It was the last time I bought a drink for a girl in a bar. F------ bitches.
Anonymous 09/11/14(Thu)15:06:43 No.35588678 File: image.jpg (45 KB, 468x498) >>35588775 >>35588791 >>35588910 >>35588951 >Be me >4 years ago >Succussful, friendly, good with people >Out at bar with some friends >Girl comes over and hits on me >Buy her a drink >She asks for a second of a different kind too >Tell the bartender to do it >Girl takes the drinks and say "k thx bye!" >Walks over to her boyfriend and kisses him while flipping me off >I look at the bartender and she shakes her head >Get idea >Ask for the two drinks she ordered on a different bill >Bartender agrees >Prints off the bill >Walk over and hand the girl the bill for her drinks >Girl laughs at me >Walk over to the bouncer and tell him the situation >Bouncer gets the thousand yard stare >l can only assume he was remembering a love long lost with a heart of gold now shattered >Bitch and her boyfriend try to leave >Bartender taps my shoulder to show me >Bouncer stands in front of them >"You will go pay for your drinks, now." >Boyfriend tries to get in his face >Bouncer calmly pushes him out of the bar >Stares at girl >Stares at girl >Girl starts crying >Stares at girl >Stares at girl >Girl puils a $20 bill out of her bra and hands it to the bouncer >Screams "Here you go a------!" >Runs out >Bouncer hands me the 20 and says "keep the change" >He knuckle-touches the bartender >1 thank him >Find out he likes camping >We camp together now with my fiancée and his wife It was the last time I bought a drink for a girl in a bar. F------ bitches.

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Anon is a taxi driver | /r/Greentext


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Anon has sex | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/26/18(Fri)21:06:46 No.48935134 >have sex with man >men have xy chromosome >women have xx >50% woman >round up >see ya 120 KB JPG
: Anonymous 10/26/18(Fri)21:06:46 No.48935134 >have sex with man >men have xy chromosome >women have xx >50% woman >round up >see ya 120 KB JPG

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Anon's escape plan | /r/Greentext


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Anon has social anxiety | /r/Greentext

File: cursed.png (552 KB, 840x743) Anonymous 05/31/20(Sun)09:14:01 No.58423748 [Reply] oh god I just remembered something >be me in 8th grade >going for a walk in the neighbourhood >meet someone I know from school >"hey anon what are you doing?" >for some reason I think it would be weird to tell him that Im just going for a walk >"Im on my way to the store to buy eh milk" >he leaves but now Im scared of meeting him again and him finding out that I lied to him about the milk >now actually go to the store and buy milk >cant bring the milk home because then my parents will ask questions and I cant tell them >also dont want to throw the milk away >sit outside and drink 1L of milk >feel sick >go home >cry Did something like this happen to anybody else?
File: cursed.png (552 KB, 840x743) Anonymous 05/31/20(Sun)09:14:01 No.58423748 [Reply] oh god I just remembered something >be me in 8th grade >going for a walk in the neighbourhood >meet someone I know from school >"hey anon what are you doing?" >for some reason I think it would be weird to tell him that Im just going for a walk >"Im on my way to the store to buy eh milk" >he leaves but now Im scared of meeting him again and him finding out that I lied to him about the milk >now actually go to the store and buy milk >cant bring the milk home because then my parents will ask questions and I cant tell them >also dont want to throw the milk away >sit outside and drink 1L of milk >feel sick >go home >cry Did something like this happen to anybody else?

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anon wants to be a wizard | /r/Greentext

onymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:16:23 No.54692176 >be very young anon >"Anon, what do you want to be when you grow up?" >"I want to be a wizard!" >"You mean like a stage magician or..." >"NO! I WANT TO BE A REAL WIZARD WITH REAL MAGIC!" 70 KB PNG >"Anon, magic isn't real. You have to pick something real." >later >"Hey anon, what do you want to be when you grow up?" (other person) >"W... Nothing." >"Really?" >"Yes. I don't want to be anything when I grow up." >fast forward to present day >l have amounted to nothing over the course of my life >pretty much just a friendless loser living in basement >still want to be a wizard
onymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:16:23 No.54692176 >be very young anon >"Anon, what do you want to be when you grow up?" >"I want to be a wizard!" >"You mean like a stage magician or..." >"NO! I WANT TO BE A REAL WIZARD WITH REAL MAGIC!" 70 KB PNG >"Anon, magic isn't real. You have to pick something real." >later >"Hey anon, what do you want to be when you grow up?" (other person) >"W... Nothing." >"Really?" >"Yes. I don't want to be anything when I grow up." >fast forward to present day >l have amounted to nothing over the course of my life >pretty much just a friendless loser living in basement >still want to be a wizard

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Anon eats a spicy chicken sandwich | /r/Greentext

>be me, obsessed with spicy foods and extreme heat >order the hottest sauces, not good enough >try the one chip challenge; it's amazing >discussing one chip challenge with co- worker, she tells me of this restraunt with a spicy chicken sandwich that is so spicy that you have to 196 KB JPG sign a paper before you eat it >drive 2 f------ hours to get there (i can't explain how much i love spicy stuff) >turns out the paper thing was just a joke, but they warn you that it's extreme and serve it with 2 tums >take a bite >within seconds my mouth is on fire. >as i swallow i can feel the second it gets to my stomach >immediately walk very quickly to the register and order some ice cream >conceal the pain in my mouth and abdomen while they get it >slowly take bites, just holding it in my mouth to hold off the pain for a bit >eventually get back in my truck and start the drive home (2 hours) >about an hour in my stomach is hurting so much i pull over >straight up s--- my pants, it's all watery and my ass is on fire so much >take off underwear and pants, wipe with socks, throw all of that into a plastic bag and into the bed of my truck >drive the rest of the way home >wait 35 minutes for it to get dark so i can walk inside not seen (i'm not wearing pants) since then it's been 2 days and i constantly feel like i'm gonna s--- but i can't. i can't believe i drove 2 hours for this. what a silly yet traumatizing experience.
>be me, obsessed with spicy foods and extreme heat >order the hottest sauces, not good enough >try the one chip challenge; it's amazing >discussing one chip challenge with co- worker, she tells me of this restraunt with a spicy chicken sandwich that is so spicy that you have to 196 KB JPG sign a paper before you eat it >drive 2 f------ hours to get there (i can't explain how much i love spicy stuff) >turns out the paper thing was just a joke, but they warn you that it's extreme and serve it with 2 tums >take a bite >within seconds my mouth is on fire. >as i swallow i can feel the second it gets to my stomach >immediately walk very quickly to the register and order some ice cream >conceal the pain in my mouth and abdomen while they get it >slowly take bites, just holding it in my mouth to hold off the pain for a bit >eventually get back in my truck and start the drive home (2 hours) >about an hour in my stomach is hurting so much i pull over >straight up s--- my pants, it's all watery and my ass is on fire so much >take off underwear and pants, wipe with socks, throw all of that into a plastic bag and into the bed of my truck >drive the rest of the way home >wait 35 minutes for it to get dark so i can walk inside not seen (i'm not wearing pants) since then it's been 2 days and i constantly feel like i'm gonna s--- but i can't. i can't believe i drove 2 hours for this. what a silly yet traumatizing experience.

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anon games the system | /r/Greentext


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Anon revisits Facebook | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/19/18(Fri)05:17:04 No.48785626 >go on facebook after literally 5 years >see all the old high school friends living normie lives and having kids >suddenly get messaged by a girl i used to have a class with >she was a sub-stacy that used to sit in front of me and copied my homework all 85 KB PNG the time >"omg anon i thought you were honestly dead h--------!!" >we catch up >shes been working wagecuck jobs since graduating and hasnt really gotten anywhere with her life >still, its nice to talk to someone from high school even if it is this roastie >she tells me she is unemployed nowadays >ask her what she does for money >she dodges the question at first but basically confesses that she is an escort sometimes >"and before you ask, no i wont do anything with you, its too awkward with old friends haha" God f------ dammit every time I think things will get good for me I get s--- on
: Anonymous 10/19/18(Fri)05:17:04 No.48785626 >go on facebook after literally 5 years >see all the old high school friends living normie lives and having kids >suddenly get messaged by a girl i used to have a class with >she was a sub-stacy that used to sit in front of me and copied my homework all 85 KB PNG the time >"omg anon i thought you were honestly dead h--------!!" >we catch up >shes been working wagecuck jobs since graduating and hasnt really gotten anywhere with her life >still, its nice to talk to someone from high school even if it is this roastie >she tells me she is unemployed nowadays >ask her what she does for money >she dodges the question at first but basically confesses that she is an escort sometimes >"and before you ask, no i wont do anything with you, its too awkward with old friends haha" God f------ dammit every time I think things will get good for me I get s--- on

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Anon has a point | /r/Greentext

1 hr. ago •●• Anonymous | 438947949 ESPRCT >Work 60h-80h a week, have all the money I could to buy vidya.. no time to play vidya... 228.2 kB PNG
1 hr. ago •●• Anonymous | 438947949 ESPRCT >Work 60h-80h a week, have all the money I could to buy vidya.. no time to play vidya... 228.2 kB PNG

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Anon hates his country | /r/Greentext

>Be me 100% JESUS >Born Brazilian >F------ hate it, but at least I'm 1% and white >Spend my entire life being disgusted by local culture and trying to get away from it >Learn english so I can 100 KB JPG communicate with foreigns >Feel superior to the rest of the scum here >When I'm abroad and people ask me where I'm from I just say Portugal, this way they don't look at me like l'm a dirty South American >When I'm abroad I also cringe when I hear people speaking brazilian portuguese >Outta nowhere though I realize that everyone I love, like family, friends and my girl, as well as many people I respect professionally are Brazilian after all >Take a deep look inside and realize something >l don't hate people because they are Brazilian, I just hate poor people, and it just happens that there are a lot of them here >Feels better
>Be me 100% JESUS >Born Brazilian >F------ hate it, but at least I'm 1% and white >Spend my entire life being disgusted by local culture and trying to get away from it >Learn english so I can 100 KB JPG communicate with foreigns >Feel superior to the rest of the scum here >When I'm abroad and people ask me where I'm from I just say Portugal, this way they don't look at me like l'm a dirty South American >When I'm abroad I also cringe when I hear people speaking brazilian portuguese >Outta nowhere though I realize that everyone I love, like family, friends and my girl, as well as many people I respect professionally are Brazilian after all >Take a deep look inside and realize something >l don't hate people because they are Brazilian, I just hate poor people, and it just happens that there are a lot of them here >Feels better

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Losing wizard powers | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:35:42 No.25288168 >>25288212 >>25288227 File: Screenshot_2015-07-24-02-12-05.png (343 KB, 1440x2560) 46% 2:12 AM Verified by: DigiCert Inc >drunk texting prostatutes Good. Yourself 1:53 AM O Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:38:15 No.25288212 ► File: Hank.jpg (31 KB, 231x281) I have many American dollars I would like to exchange for >>25288168 >Imma cop a feel of dem t------ intercourse 2:02 AM You're not a cop are you U Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:39:15 No.25288227 File: 1448044005532.jpg (30 KB, 400x395) 2:07 AM >>25288168 >l'm a cop a feel dem t------ Are you the police 2:07 AM O Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:58:08 No.25288494 File: 1373908590515 jpg (57 KB, 393x391) I'm a cop a feel of dem t------ 2:09 AM >>25288168 >Imma cop a feal of dem t------ Ok how much time are you looking to spend with me * O Fagoo !jizzF8h3Ek 12/27/15(Sun).. File: saitamore.png (749 KB, 861x990) 2:11 AM >>25288168 >l'm a cop a feel of dem tittoes Send Enter message 160 /1
O Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:35:42 No.25288168 >>25288212 >>25288227 File: Screenshot_2015-07-24-02-12-05.png (343 KB, 1440x2560) 46% 2:12 AM Verified by: DigiCert Inc >drunk texting prostatutes Good. Yourself 1:53 AM O Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:38:15 No.25288212 ► File: Hank.jpg (31 KB, 231x281) I have many American dollars I would like to exchange for >>25288168 >Imma cop a feel of dem t------ intercourse 2:02 AM You're not a cop are you U Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:39:15 No.25288227 File: 1448044005532.jpg (30 KB, 400x395) 2:07 AM >>25288168 >l'm a cop a feel dem t------ Are you the police 2:07 AM O Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:58:08 No.25288494 File: 1373908590515 jpg (57 KB, 393x391) I'm a cop a feel of dem t------ 2:09 AM >>25288168 >Imma cop a feal of dem t------ Ok how much time are you looking to spend with me * O Fagoo !jizzF8h3Ek 12/27/15(Sun).. File: saitamore.png (749 KB, 861x990) 2:11 AM >>25288168 >l'm a cop a feel of dem tittoes Send Enter message 160 /1

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Anon gets fired | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 49068017 1 h. fa •.. a minecraft kid got me fired >be me 23 >work as a manager at a office in okc >decide to go on mine plex >meet some kids and exchange teamspeak >kid gives me his own server and ask me to help >i dos his minecraft server >he tells his parrents >one day i go to work and i get laid off becuase i was reported for child abuse 1,1 kB PNG REPLY Anonymous | 49068176 1 h. fa •.• >23 >plays minecraft with children Well you see there's your problem.
Anonymous | 49068017 1 h. fa •.. a minecraft kid got me fired >be me 23 >work as a manager at a office in okc >decide to go on mine plex >meet some kids and exchange teamspeak >kid gives me his own server and ask me to help >i dos his minecraft server >he tells his parrents >one day i go to work and i get laid off becuase i was reported for child abuse 1,1 kB PNG REPLY Anonymous | 49068176 1 h. fa •.• >23 >plays minecraft with children Well you see there's your problem.

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Mission failed. We’ll get ‘em next time | /r/Greentext

Max was caught on surveillance video at the library, where he is no longer welcome. 018CCF9B-4CBC-4BFC-8E28-6DE20483533D.jpg 117 KB JPG >>587299278 (OP) # >enemies can spot you on security camera
Max was caught on surveillance video at the library, where he is no longer welcome. 018CCF9B-4CBC-4BFC-8E28-6DE20483533D.jpg 117 KB JPG >>587299278 (OP) # >enemies can spot you on security camera

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Anon finds love. | /r/Greentext

>Be at the library >Chubby girl asks if she can sit next to me >Say yes and we start talking >She blushes often and is awkward so it's obvious she's never been laid or had a boyfriend >We end up exchanging numbers >Fast forward one month and we're texting all the time >One night she tells me shes starting to have feelings for me >Take her out the next night to a five star restaurant >Afterwards we see a movie >She asks if I would like to go back to her place >l say yes and we go >When we get there, she introduces me to her grandmother who she lives with >Frail, 80 year old woman >Poor eyesight, missing teeth and very little hair >After I'm finished being introduced, I turn and look in her eyes and tell her how beautiful she is >She blushes >Take her by the hand and lead her upstairs >Things get steamy fast >Soon we're both undressed going at each other like rabbits in summer >She's ends up sucking my d--- >Best head I've ever had >Eat her p---- to return the favor >We end up f------ each other for hours >69 >Cowgirl >Doggy style >Every position there is >Eventually, we both c-- >Have pillow talk >Smoke some cigarettes together >After a while, she heads to the door >"I have to check on my granddaughter. I think I can hear her crying downstairs." It's nice to be in love.
>Be at the library >Chubby girl asks if she can sit next to me >Say yes and we start talking >She blushes often and is awkward so it's obvious she's never been laid or had a boyfriend >We end up exchanging numbers >Fast forward one month and we're texting all the time >One night she tells me shes starting to have feelings for me >Take her out the next night to a five star restaurant >Afterwards we see a movie >She asks if I would like to go back to her place >l say yes and we go >When we get there, she introduces me to her grandmother who she lives with >Frail, 80 year old woman >Poor eyesight, missing teeth and very little hair >After I'm finished being introduced, I turn and look in her eyes and tell her how beautiful she is >She blushes >Take her by the hand and lead her upstairs >Things get steamy fast >Soon we're both undressed going at each other like rabbits in summer >She's ends up sucking my d--- >Best head I've ever had >Eat her p---- to return the favor >We end up f------ each other for hours >69 >Cowgirl >Doggy style >Every position there is >Eventually, we both c-- >Have pillow talk >Smoke some cigarettes together >After a while, she heads to the door >"I have to check on my granddaughter. I think I can hear her crying downstairs." It's nice to be in love.

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Why, zuck? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: (hEtkkpl1 04/11/18(Wed)11:48:39 No.167676599 CAPITOL HILL 4:17 PM ET baseline_way_off.jpg 48 KB JPG >The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that, Mark?
: Anonymous (ID: (hEtkkpl1 04/11/18(Wed)11:48:39 No.167676599 CAPITOL HILL 4:17 PM ET baseline_way_off.jpg 48 KB JPG >The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that, Mark?

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Anon is hella gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/28/18(Sun)14:38:18 No.48967747 > be me > chilling in living room > Scratch the loving s--- out of my balls > sit there in post-scratch i'm gay 8 KB JPG orgasm > take a rip out of bong > friend and his grill come over > She takes a rip with the same bong > passes it back to me > they leave > 15 mins later beat my meat > Mfw when I realize my hand and her hand touched the same bong > her hands have at some point touched her p--- > My friend f---- her p--- > basically just touched my friends d--- See ya later f------
: Anonymous 10/28/18(Sun)14:38:18 No.48967747 > be me > chilling in living room > Scratch the loving s--- out of my balls > sit there in post-scratch i'm gay 8 KB JPG orgasm > take a rip out of bong > friend and his grill come over > She takes a rip with the same bong > passes it back to me > they leave > 15 mins later beat my meat > Mfw when I realize my hand and her hand touched the same bong > her hands have at some point touched her p--- > My friend f---- her p--- > basically just touched my friends d--- See ya later f------

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Anon is genius | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/11/22(Fri)12:04:49 No.65524456 I exclusively date women taller than myself, which provides an insane test boost for improved lifting. You anons have to get in on this before everyone else figures it out 48 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/11/22(Fri)12:06:49 No.65524471 >>65524456 (OP) # >which provides an insane test boost Explain >>65524490 # : Anonymous 02/11/22(Fri)12:09:32 No.65524490 >>65524471 # Uh so you lift very heavy, which normally would leave you tired. But then you go home and have and your tall gf embrace you shove your head into her bosoms, which instantly dispels any fatigue, meaning you can lift heavy the next day without any rest days, meaning increased test 21 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/11/22(Fri)12:04:49 No.65524456 I exclusively date women taller than myself, which provides an insane test boost for improved lifting. You anons have to get in on this before everyone else figures it out 48 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/11/22(Fri)12:06:49 No.65524471 >>65524456 (OP) # >which provides an insane test boost Explain >>65524490 # : Anonymous 02/11/22(Fri)12:09:32 No.65524490 >>65524471 # Uh so you lift very heavy, which normally would leave you tired. But then you go home and have and your tall gf embrace you shove your head into her bosoms, which instantly dispels any fatigue, meaning you can lift heavy the next day without any rest days, meaning increased test 21 KB JPG

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Anon is a degenerate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/20/17(Fri)09:06:19 No.748618493 I dip my oreos in water. 57 KB JPG >>748618552 # >>748618565 # >>748618603 # >>748618869 # >>748619818 # : Anonymous 10/20/17(Fri)09:07:13 No.748618552 >>748618493 # Actually reported : Anonymous 10/20/17(Fri)09:07:20 No.748618565 >>748618493 # f--- you
: Anonymous 10/20/17(Fri)09:06:19 No.748618493 I dip my oreos in water. 57 KB JPG >>748618552 # >>748618565 # >>748618603 # >>748618869 # >>748619818 # : Anonymous 10/20/17(Fri)09:07:13 No.748618552 >>748618493 # Actually reported : Anonymous 10/20/17(Fri)09:07:20 No.748618565 >>748618493 # f--- you

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