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Anon is mario | /r/Greentext

18 KB JPG Autism thread? I'll start >be me >see post about guy falcon punching his bully >mario is my favorite character in smash >hatch master plan >next day at school >bully comes up to me >"hey fatass! Give me your money" >pull hand sanitizer out if pocket >pull lighter out of other >put sanitizer on hand and light it >yell "ITS A ME, MARIO!" >punch him with the force of a thousand Worth it suns >his face gets lit on fire >we both ended up in the hospital with third degree burns
18 KB JPG Autism thread? I'll start >be me >see post about guy falcon punching his bully >mario is my favorite character in smash >hatch master plan >next day at school >bully comes up to me >"hey fatass! Give me your money" >pull hand sanitizer out if pocket >pull lighter out of other >put sanitizer on hand and light it >yell "ITS A ME, MARIO!" >punch him with the force of a thousand Worth it suns >his face gets lit on fire >we both ended up in the hospital with third degree burns

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Anon didn't take his meds | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: LocqDYCq Pandas are fake, but how? 08/25/22(Thu)08:46:36 No.392524643 Grosser_Panda.jpg 240 KB JPG I know pandas are fake. Evidence: china never wrote about them ever. Westerners discovered them 1880 first skin, 1916 first cub found by a f------ zoologist, ain't that convenient. Only 26 pandas in zoos around the world. What is the conspiracy. How did they fake them. Paint? No. Genetics? I need answers.
: Anonymous (ID: LocqDYCq Pandas are fake, but how? 08/25/22(Thu)08:46:36 No.392524643 Grosser_Panda.jpg 240 KB JPG I know pandas are fake. Evidence: china never wrote about them ever. Westerners discovered them 1880 first skin, 1916 first cub found by a f------ zoologist, ain't that convenient. Only 26 pandas in zoos around the world. What is the conspiracy. How did they fake them. Paint? No. Genetics? I need answers.

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anon isn't pog | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 5 KB JPG explain Why must fate hurt me this way? Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:19:40 No.850710433 >messaging girl for a while now >she finally sends me nudes >"what do you think of me, anon?" >type pog, it autocorrects to pig. >press send before I realise me mistake >she blocks me before I can Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:20:38 No.850710478 03/28/21(Sun)19:21:12 No.850710505 >pog military grade cringe, die alone.
: Anonymous 5 KB JPG explain Why must fate hurt me this way? Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:19:40 No.850710433 >messaging girl for a while now >she finally sends me nudes >"what do you think of me, anon?" >type pog, it autocorrects to pig. >press send before I realise me mistake >she blocks me before I can Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:20:38 No.850710478 03/28/21(Sun)19:21:12 No.850710505 >pog military grade cringe, die alone.

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Anon learns how to masturbate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)19:55:19 No.754163302 >be 14 >Don't know how to masturbate >Home alone 486 KB JPG >Go on a s----- p--- site that I honestly thought was the only source for p--- on the internet >Has images of Brittany Spears nude >I just sit there naked for almost an hour, occasionally patting my d--- >>754169608 # >>754169961 # >>754173777 #
: Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)19:55:19 No.754163302 >be 14 >Don't know how to masturbate >Home alone 486 KB JPG >Go on a s----- p--- site that I honestly thought was the only source for p--- on the internet >Has images of Brittany Spears nude >I just sit there naked for almost an hour, occasionally patting my d--- >>754169608 # >>754169961 # >>754173777 #

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she's not Benjamin button and she's not Andy Milonakus | /r/Greentext

ISH TISH AC M AWARD T ipanews_addcf6e6-f052-4d74-98b5-c87f7af8926d_1.jpg 69 KB JPG Does Millie Bobby Brown have that aging disease where you look 3x your actual age? This is her at 16. She literally looks 40. Anonymous >>172932899 (OP) # That disease is known as being British. 08/21/22(Sun)07:50:12 No.172932929
ISH TISH AC M AWARD T ipanews_addcf6e6-f052-4d74-98b5-c87f7af8926d_1.jpg 69 KB JPG Does Millie Bobby Brown have that aging disease where you look 3x your actual age? This is her at 16. She literally looks 40. Anonymous >>172932899 (OP) # That disease is known as being British. 08/21/22(Sun)07:50:12 No.172932929

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anon works at the pool | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 315 KB JPG 08/26/22(Fri)00:27:35 No.884534435 >be me >work as lifeguard for indoor pool >sitting in my guard chair, slow day today >kid with downs walks in >not wearing any swimming clothes, just casual wear >he waddles up to me >"how's your day been, anon?" >i tell him i've been fine >"how much do you bench?" >i tell him i can only do a single rep of 185 >"wow, you're so strong" >he walks out of the pool, never to be seen again thank you, random kid with downs. you've made my day
Anonymous 315 KB JPG 08/26/22(Fri)00:27:35 No.884534435 >be me >work as lifeguard for indoor pool >sitting in my guard chair, slow day today >kid with downs walks in >not wearing any swimming clothes, just casual wear >he waddles up to me >"how's your day been, anon?" >i tell him i've been fine >"how much do you bench?" >i tell him i can only do a single rep of 185 >"wow, you're so strong" >he walks out of the pool, never to be seen again thank you, random kid with downs. you've made my day

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Anon hates pigs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 463 KB PNG 08/25/22(Thu)12:35:08 No.884510968 >be me >18, still in hs >in ap psychology >walk in and sit at my seat >look up and see this fat pig wearing a tank top that has her fat spilling out the sides I f------ hate fat people.
: Anonymous 463 KB PNG 08/25/22(Thu)12:35:08 No.884510968 >be me >18, still in hs >in ap psychology >walk in and sit at my seat >look up and see this fat pig wearing a tank top that has her fat spilling out the sides I f------ hate fat people.

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Anon's tracking investment pays off | /r/Greentext

5m (9/20 9:39)-863436421 2 Re-2 Img-JPG-1MB (1080 x 2220) 1 Reply >superglue GPS tracker to bicycle >leave it unlocked infront of my apartment >wait for people to steal it >chase them in my car, get out and kick their ass >take their wallets >repeat I made $800 in a month doing this :
5m (9/20 9:39)-863436421 2 Re-2 Img-JPG-1MB (1080 x 2220) 1 Reply >superglue GPS tracker to bicycle >leave it unlocked infront of my apartment >wait for people to steal it >chase them in my car, get out and kick their ass >take their wallets >repeat I made $800 in a month doing this :

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field day fun | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: dtUxdExd) SCHOOL BUS 04/24/13(Wed)03:18:43 No.475144081 103 KB JPG ITT: we post weird elementary school memories >3rd grade >Eating popsicles on field day >One kid is eating a hyperstripes (S---- red white and blue if you didn't know) >He starts to feel sick >He vomits, and the vomit is just a swirly pool of red white and blue >I stand up immediately, and put my hand over my heart >We sing "God Bless America" as our comrade is taken to the nurse's office and the teachers look at us with a mixture of pride and deep disturbance.
Anonymous (ID: dtUxdExd) SCHOOL BUS 04/24/13(Wed)03:18:43 No.475144081 103 KB JPG ITT: we post weird elementary school memories >3rd grade >Eating popsicles on field day >One kid is eating a hyperstripes (S---- red white and blue if you didn't know) >He starts to feel sick >He vomits, and the vomit is just a swirly pool of red white and blue >I stand up immediately, and put my hand over my heart >We sing "God Bless America" as our comrade is taken to the nurse's office and the teachers look at us with a mixture of pride and deep disturbance.

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Anon plays a game | /r/Greentext

78 KB JPG Post the most painful, cringe inducing moment in your entire life. >Be horny 15-16 year old >Live next to my 13 year old cousin >Shes cute at hell, looks like a f------ anime >Cousin is a shut in, shes innocent and trust people. Because of this shes kind of slow >When parents arent home i'd go over cousin house on the pretense that we didn't have a cable and they did >I invent a game me and her would play when her parents werent home >Game basically involved me shoving my tongue down cousins throat while she tries to push my tongue out of her mouth >She really believed it was a game, she even hugged me to get a better grip, i'd fee her t--- through her cloth i held her while kissing her, sometimes jerking off in the back room Skip from summer to f------ thanksgiving >Be eating turkey with family >Everyone is at the dinner table, dont wanna be there >Cus is sitting across from me >While im watching tv i hear everyone freaking the f--- out >Cus was trying to play the game with my uncle >Look at her and shes f------ terrified >Not knowing what the f--- was going on i stay >Her Dad asks her w-- shes doing, she tells him about the game >Dad asks her who taught her the game >She cries and tells everyone i played the game with her a "ton of times" >Entire family looks at me with big wide eyes and open mouths as if i was a f------ monster >A sharp cold chill shoots up my nerves, my entire body is shaking like a m------------ >I stutter "Execuse me i have to use the restroom" i nearly trip and im starting to black out >I hide in the restroom the entire day >The dad and my mom knock on the door asking for me but i literally would not budge until it was midnight and everyone left
78 KB JPG Post the most painful, cringe inducing moment in your entire life. >Be horny 15-16 year old >Live next to my 13 year old cousin >Shes cute at hell, looks like a f------ anime >Cousin is a shut in, shes innocent and trust people. Because of this shes kind of slow >When parents arent home i'd go over cousin house on the pretense that we didn't have a cable and they did >I invent a game me and her would play when her parents werent home >Game basically involved me shoving my tongue down cousins throat while she tries to push my tongue out of her mouth >She really believed it was a game, she even hugged me to get a better grip, i'd fee her t--- through her cloth i held her while kissing her, sometimes jerking off in the back room Skip from summer to f------ thanksgiving >Be eating turkey with family >Everyone is at the dinner table, dont wanna be there >Cus is sitting across from me >While im watching tv i hear everyone freaking the f--- out >Cus was trying to play the game with my uncle >Look at her and shes f------ terrified >Not knowing what the f--- was going on i stay >Her Dad asks her w-- shes doing, she tells him about the game >Dad asks her who taught her the game >She cries and tells everyone i played the game with her a "ton of times" >Entire family looks at me with big wide eyes and open mouths as if i was a f------ monster >A sharp cold chill shoots up my nerves, my entire body is shaking like a m------------ >I stutter "Execuse me i have to use the restroom" i nearly trip and im starting to black out >I hide in the restroom the entire day >The dad and my mom knock on the door asking for me but i literally would not budge until it was midnight and everyone left

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Anon is honest | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 27 KB JPG 08/25/22(Thu)20:41:04 No.884505256 >Why do you guys assume I'm a 400 lb cheeto-dust-covered neckbead just beacuse I'm a virgin? There's this thing I have called autism that yields the same results.
: Anonymous 27 KB JPG 08/25/22(Thu)20:41:04 No.884505256 >Why do you guys assume I'm a 400 lb cheeto-dust-covered neckbead just beacuse I'm a virgin? There's this thing I have called autism that yields the same results.

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Anon discusses American trade policy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Oh Canada 73 KB PNG 08/25/22(Thu)18:58:01 No.69956064 >85% of guns used in Canadian gun violence can be traced back to the US Tfw you have so much gun violence it becomes your best export
Anonymous Oh Canada 73 KB PNG 08/25/22(Thu)18:58:01 No.69956064 >85% of guns used in Canadian gun violence can be traced back to the US Tfw you have so much gun violence it becomes your best export

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Anon scars a group of children | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: OOTSVdWM) 09/18/12(Tue)18:21:45 No.425921004 Replies: >>425921187 >be 29 on sidewalk >have to use bathroom, about to s--- pants >run into nearest business to use bathroom >it's a daycare >ask where bathroom is >cute girl points towards it >go and relieve myself >come out, and children are sitting in circle >girl asks me to have a seat and read with them. must think i'm a parent >too embarrassed to tell her i just game in to s--- >sit down and hear her read >awkward as f---. >mind wanders. start thinking about last night with girlfriend >get a boner >wearing sweatpants not good >girl asks me which kid is mine. i tell her none. >she gives look of disgust i'll never forget. demands i leave >stand up. tent fully pitched >kids all scream >run out as fast as i can Anonymous (ID: XjdkRmAz) 09/18/12(Tue) 18:22:51 No.425921187 Replies: >>>425924260 >>425921004 Oh god, if this is true it's the greatest thing I have ever read.
Anonymous (ID: OOTSVdWM) 09/18/12(Tue)18:21:45 No.425921004 Replies: >>425921187 >be 29 on sidewalk >have to use bathroom, about to s--- pants >run into nearest business to use bathroom >it's a daycare >ask where bathroom is >cute girl points towards it >go and relieve myself >come out, and children are sitting in circle >girl asks me to have a seat and read with them. must think i'm a parent >too embarrassed to tell her i just game in to s--- >sit down and hear her read >awkward as f---. >mind wanders. start thinking about last night with girlfriend >get a boner >wearing sweatpants not good >girl asks me which kid is mine. i tell her none. >she gives look of disgust i'll never forget. demands i leave >stand up. tent fully pitched >kids all scream >run out as fast as i can Anonymous (ID: XjdkRmAz) 09/18/12(Tue) 18:22:51 No.425921187 Replies: >>>425924260 >>425921004 Oh god, if this is true it's the greatest thing I have ever read.

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Femanon hates 4chan | /r/Greentext

08/25/22(Thu)19:45:14 No.16009573 Okay, so, I'm a girl and I found out about this place from Reddit. Normally I'll be pretty vocal on subreddits talking about r/incels or r/redpill or something, and this led me to someone telling me about this place. I can't believe what I'm seeing. You're all f------ pathetic. You blame women for all of your problems, yet you do nothing to try and remedy them. You sit in your dank basement, bitter and alone, thinking of ways you can get back at the world. Because people are happy, and you resent that. Because you can never be happy. You're pathetic. The bottom of the barrel. I almost feel sorry for you. 1.26 MB PNG : Anonymous I'm pretty resilient to misogynistic rhetoric, but visiting here, browsing through all of the pages, I feel a bit sick. How can people like you exist? You blame a whole f------ gender of people because you're so bitter, that you lost any ounce of self- respect. You lump in women as one thing, a definite measure. It's laughable. You're just lonely, bitter, twisted gremlins who don't know the touch of a woman. You say we have it easier. That's funny. You've probably had it handed to you on a plate, but you just refused to accept it. You are pathetic, I'll say it again because it's the perfect word to describe anyone here. I've heard about this place for a long time, but only now, after 4 glasses of wine, have I decided to visit it. Anyway, enjoy never getting to touch someone like me. With this attitude, you're going to die alone you pathetic f------ virgins.
08/25/22(Thu)19:45:14 No.16009573 Okay, so, I'm a girl and I found out about this place from Reddit. Normally I'll be pretty vocal on subreddits talking about r/incels or r/redpill or something, and this led me to someone telling me about this place. I can't believe what I'm seeing. You're all f------ pathetic. You blame women for all of your problems, yet you do nothing to try and remedy them. You sit in your dank basement, bitter and alone, thinking of ways you can get back at the world. Because people are happy, and you resent that. Because you can never be happy. You're pathetic. The bottom of the barrel. I almost feel sorry for you. 1.26 MB PNG : Anonymous I'm pretty resilient to misogynistic rhetoric, but visiting here, browsing through all of the pages, I feel a bit sick. How can people like you exist? You blame a whole f------ gender of people because you're so bitter, that you lost any ounce of self- respect. You lump in women as one thing, a definite measure. It's laughable. You're just lonely, bitter, twisted gremlins who don't know the touch of a woman. You say we have it easier. That's funny. You've probably had it handed to you on a plate, but you just refused to accept it. You are pathetic, I'll say it again because it's the perfect word to describe anyone here. I've heard about this place for a long time, but only now, after 4 glasses of wine, have I decided to visit it. Anyway, enjoy never getting to touch someone like me. With this attitude, you're going to die alone you pathetic f------ virgins.

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Anon has blown his cover | /r/Greentext

08/25/22(Thu)10:55:06 No.14789017 : Anonymous >>14788712 >be me >closeted heterosexual college student >day one, t----- professor notices my name on lgbt+ roster >emails lgbt students to make them aware of each other so they know who's an ally >email includes everyone's gender, pronouns, and how long they've been part of the community >to break the ice, one of these students invites me to group sodomy session >i respectfully decline >this, plus my vaguely heterosexual demeanor and lack of lgbt veneration, raises red flags >xe reports me to campus police, just to be on the safe side >the following week, sexuality enforcement officers accost me after class >they inform me that as a self-proclaimed member of the lgbt+ community, i have an obligation to treat fellow members with the utmost inclusivity and respect so that they suffer the minimum amount of mental anguish. This is my duty as a lgbt >problematic behavior will result in having my lgbt status revoked >i thank the officers for their service to the community (sexuality enforcement is one of the most useful jobs to society) >later, i am sitting in the hall >a t----- classmate is showing me xer blog and getting slightly handsy >i am feigning interest (i have no choice) and trying to avoid holding hands without being problematic >when suddenly, a cis heteronormie scum yells out "f------!" and takes off running down the hall >students in shock, the t----- is wailing >in the chaos, i forget to act hysterical and offended >unbeknownst to me, the t----- was an undercover sexuality enforcement officer tasked with rooting out undercover heterosexuals >my unsympathetic response was sufficient to get my lgbt revoked, leading to expulsion You cannot beat the system. The system always wins.
08/25/22(Thu)10:55:06 No.14789017 : Anonymous >>14788712 >be me >closeted heterosexual college student >day one, t----- professor notices my name on lgbt+ roster >emails lgbt students to make them aware of each other so they know who's an ally >email includes everyone's gender, pronouns, and how long they've been part of the community >to break the ice, one of these students invites me to group sodomy session >i respectfully decline >this, plus my vaguely heterosexual demeanor and lack of lgbt veneration, raises red flags >xe reports me to campus police, just to be on the safe side >the following week, sexuality enforcement officers accost me after class >they inform me that as a self-proclaimed member of the lgbt+ community, i have an obligation to treat fellow members with the utmost inclusivity and respect so that they suffer the minimum amount of mental anguish. This is my duty as a lgbt >problematic behavior will result in having my lgbt status revoked >i thank the officers for their service to the community (sexuality enforcement is one of the most useful jobs to society) >later, i am sitting in the hall >a t----- classmate is showing me xer blog and getting slightly handsy >i am feigning interest (i have no choice) and trying to avoid holding hands without being problematic >when suddenly, a cis heteronormie scum yells out "f------!" and takes off running down the hall >students in shock, the t----- is wailing >in the chaos, i forget to act hysterical and offended >unbeknownst to me, the t----- was an undercover sexuality enforcement officer tasked with rooting out undercover heterosexuals >my unsympathetic response was sufficient to get my lgbt revoked, leading to expulsion You cannot beat the system. The system always wins.

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Anon does his part | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1 hour ago 69950348 >be me >Date an anti racist female >Prove her morals to be delusional >"Cheat" on her with a black female >She finds out >Sends her a bunch of slurs >They argue on call back and forth >See her become more racist >Then gets mad at me >Stands there smug loling on the inside >Never talked to her since >Mfw (pic related)
Anonymous 1 hour ago 69950348 >be me >Date an anti racist female >Prove her morals to be delusional >"Cheat" on her with a black female >She finds out >Sends her a bunch of slurs >They argue on call back and forth >See her become more racist >Then gets mad at me >Stands there smug loling on the inside >Never talked to her since >Mfw (pic related)

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Anon Dreams Of Being A Father | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Don't talk to me or my son ever again 08/25/22(Thu)10:50:52 No.69952222 >be me >dreaming >i have a son >my son is shooting people with a bb gun >have a talk with him >he isn't sorry at all >I'm worried he might be a psychopath 88 KB JPG >time passes and he apologizes on his own >phew, my kid's gonna be alright >a group of teen bullies appear >they have one obvious leader who picks on my son >oh >take my son's bb gun and UNLOAD on that m----------- >I chase the group away >the leader circled around and stole my stuff >I chase after him and choke him out, killing him I'm so glad I didn't have kids, h--------
: Anonymous Don't talk to me or my son ever again 08/25/22(Thu)10:50:52 No.69952222 >be me >dreaming >i have a son >my son is shooting people with a bb gun >have a talk with him >he isn't sorry at all >I'm worried he might be a psychopath 88 KB JPG >time passes and he apologizes on his own >phew, my kid's gonna be alright >a group of teen bullies appear >they have one obvious leader who picks on my son >oh >take my son's bb gun and UNLOAD on that m----------- >I chase the group away >the leader circled around and stole my stuff >I chase after him and choke him out, killing him I'm so glad I didn't have kids, h--------

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anon works out | /r/Greentext

9h (8/25 9:13). 68101697 25 Re 7 Img JPG 41KB (640 × 640) 10 Replies . May Allah guide me to the 72 unopened protein powder jars
9h (8/25 9:13). 68101697 25 Re 7 Img JPG 41KB (640 × 640) 10 Replies . May Allah guide me to the 72 unopened protein powder jars

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Gay bowser | /r/Greentext

File: 1392711433719.jpg-(14 KB, 269x187, so long gay bowser.jpg) *26 PRESS START Anonymous 02/18/14(Tue)03:17 UTC-5 No.232192613 Replies: >>232193292 >>23 Can we have a vidya stories thread? >at friends house for sleepover >we played super mario 64 all night long >I really liked the boss fights with bowser because of the way mario throws him >in the morning neither of had slept but we are still playing >his family is awake now and going about their morning routines >friends cat comes by me and starts rubbing against me >look at cats tail >remember bowser boss battle >get a great idea >think it would be hilarious if i threw my friends cat like mario throws bowser >grab cats tail, stand up >cat claws at me and makes hissing noises >start spinning >cat can no longer attack me due to centripetal force >friend yells out what the f--- are you doing > some of his family comes into the room >get nervous and embarrassed >maybe if i finish the joke they will all laugh and think im funny >start spinning faster >friends dad and friend try to approach me and take the cat away from me >maximum velocity reached >scream SO LONG GAY BOWSER and let go >cat flies into drywall and hits a stud behind it >breaks neck and dies on impact >everyone is speechless >>232192613 (OP) I am literally speechless >friend goes to his cat and yells that its dead and starts crying >everyone starts crying or yelling >mom called (my parents are divorced) to take me home >put on medication and forced to attend therapy for a long time >never saw friend again whats your story O Anonymous 02/18/14(Tue)03:25 UTC-5 No.232193292
File: 1392711433719.jpg-(14 KB, 269x187, so long gay bowser.jpg) *26 PRESS START Anonymous 02/18/14(Tue)03:17 UTC-5 No.232192613 Replies: >>232193292 >>23 Can we have a vidya stories thread? >at friends house for sleepover >we played super mario 64 all night long >I really liked the boss fights with bowser because of the way mario throws him >in the morning neither of had slept but we are still playing >his family is awake now and going about their morning routines >friends cat comes by me and starts rubbing against me >look at cats tail >remember bowser boss battle >get a great idea >think it would be hilarious if i threw my friends cat like mario throws bowser >grab cats tail, stand up >cat claws at me and makes hissing noises >start spinning >cat can no longer attack me due to centripetal force >friend yells out what the f--- are you doing > some of his family comes into the room >get nervous and embarrassed >maybe if i finish the joke they will all laugh and think im funny >start spinning faster >friends dad and friend try to approach me and take the cat away from me >maximum velocity reached >scream SO LONG GAY BOWSER and let go >cat flies into drywall and hits a stud behind it >breaks neck and dies on impact >everyone is speechless >>232192613 (OP) I am literally speechless >friend goes to his cat and yells that its dead and starts crying >everyone starts crying or yelling >mom called (my parents are divorced) to take me home >put on medication and forced to attend therapy for a long time >never saw friend again whats your story O Anonymous 02/18/14(Tue)03:25 UTC-5 No.232193292

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Anon only likes one song | /r/Greentext

>hear good song >listen to the album its from >only good song on the album
>hear good song >listen to the album its from >only good song on the album

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