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Anon has a gift | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/20/20(Sun)09:03:39 No.27095947 >>27093470 >boning my gf >doggystyle, she's loving it >my d--- is 7.5in easily >she achieves orgasm (as usual) when 5 KB JPG suddenly I feel like I'm being watched >pubes suddenly stand on end >gf doesn't notice, and I maintain my rhythmic thrusting, making her c-- again with my rock hard 8 incher >but something feels off >reach for my rechargeable Maglite RL1019 and scan the room >gf mumbles "what the f---" as waves of pleasure sweep through her body >a strange sulfuric smell fills the room, smells like the huevos rancheros and refried beans I had for breakfast >I turn around >there's a tall dark figure standing behind me >he wasn't there before >feels like he's feeding off of my virility, like a vampire >panic.jpg >I begin to thrust ferociously >gotta make my gf c-- one more time before dealing with the strange apparition/demon >as gf achieves orgasm (again, as usual), I pull out my solid 9 inch woody and blast my load all over the dark entity >I hear a hiss as the j--- hits his shadowy form and the spectre lets out a piercing cry >once more, the stench of sulfur fills the room >the floor is covered in c-- and a strange black-ish substance >gf asks, "did you f------ fart??" >I tell her it was the shadowman >somehow she didn't see him (paranormal) >"Oh my f------ god Josh did you s--- on the ground?" >it was the shadowman bitch >I swear to god
: Anonymous 12/20/20(Sun)09:03:39 No.27095947 >>27093470 >boning my gf >doggystyle, she's loving it >my d--- is 7.5in easily >she achieves orgasm (as usual) when 5 KB JPG suddenly I feel like I'm being watched >pubes suddenly stand on end >gf doesn't notice, and I maintain my rhythmic thrusting, making her c-- again with my rock hard 8 incher >but something feels off >reach for my rechargeable Maglite RL1019 and scan the room >gf mumbles "what the f---" as waves of pleasure sweep through her body >a strange sulfuric smell fills the room, smells like the huevos rancheros and refried beans I had for breakfast >I turn around >there's a tall dark figure standing behind me >he wasn't there before >feels like he's feeding off of my virility, like a vampire >panic.jpg >I begin to thrust ferociously >gotta make my gf c-- one more time before dealing with the strange apparition/demon >as gf achieves orgasm (again, as usual), I pull out my solid 9 inch woody and blast my load all over the dark entity >I hear a hiss as the j--- hits his shadowy form and the spectre lets out a piercing cry >once more, the stench of sulfur fills the room >the floor is covered in c-- and a strange black-ish substance >gf asks, "did you f------ fart??" >I tell her it was the shadowman >somehow she didn't see him (paranormal) >"Oh my f------ god Josh did you s--- on the ground?" >it was the shadowman bitch >I swear to god

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Anon is edgy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/20/21(Fri)00:10:43 No.861388402 POLITICAL E POLITICAL LÉFT FILTER RIGHT FILTER BUBBLE BUBBLE WAITING FOR THE MASS SHOOTERS SKIN COLOR REVEAL 9D1938D7-7F01-4F65-B202-75E14360449B.jpg 93 KB JPG >back when I was on Reddit I got permanently banned for posting this meme during Atlanta shooting >can't tell me it isn't funny lol
: Anonymous 08/20/21(Fri)00:10:43 No.861388402 POLITICAL E POLITICAL LÉFT FILTER RIGHT FILTER BUBBLE BUBBLE WAITING FOR THE MASS SHOOTERS SKIN COLOR REVEAL 9D1938D7-7F01-4F65-B202-75E14360449B.jpg 93 KB JPG >back when I was on Reddit I got permanently banned for posting this meme during Atlanta shooting >can't tell me it isn't funny lol

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Queens of the stone age | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/21(Thu)13:30:21 No.65049380 >The year is 2309, most of humanity has vanished due to wars, climate change and unfettered capitalism. What remains is a neo-feudal system of simps and Queens. The archipelago of lands not yet submerged by water rest in control of the Femdoms who rallied their most 416 KB JPG devoted simps to work the land and exploit the remaining available resources. The consciousness of the simps chained by the brain implants transmitting instant rewards of pleasure for serfdom to their Queen offers an acceptable social contract for everyone involved. The ugly women were left to die, and the Stacies with a dominant streak were able to leverage their sexual power to maintain humanity past the collapse of the previous destructive order. You in? : Anonymous 08/19/21(Thu)13:35:54 No.65049431 hell no but i do want to know who this f------ j--- janitor is
: Anonymous 08/19/21(Thu)13:30:21 No.65049380 >The year is 2309, most of humanity has vanished due to wars, climate change and unfettered capitalism. What remains is a neo-feudal system of simps and Queens. The archipelago of lands not yet submerged by water rest in control of the Femdoms who rallied their most 416 KB JPG devoted simps to work the land and exploit the remaining available resources. The consciousness of the simps chained by the brain implants transmitting instant rewards of pleasure for serfdom to their Queen offers an acceptable social contract for everyone involved. The ugly women were left to die, and the Stacies with a dominant streak were able to leverage their sexual power to maintain humanity past the collapse of the previous destructive order. You in? : Anonymous 08/19/21(Thu)13:35:54 No.65049431 hell no but i do want to know who this f------ j--- janitor is

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Jumping to conclusions | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/21(Thu)12:58:03 No.65049060 >good mothers >funky dance moves >favorite food is mosquitos and termites >venom not dangerous >don't bite people >don't make irritating webs 923 KB JPG >easy to find >cute >funny >friendly why haven't you released an army of jumping spiders in your house
: Anonymous 08/19/21(Thu)12:58:03 No.65049060 >good mothers >funky dance moves >favorite food is mosquitos and termites >venom not dangerous >don't bite people >don't make irritating webs 923 KB JPG >easy to find >cute >funny >friendly why haven't you released an army of jumping spiders in your house

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Anon just wants to make pleasing music | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/11/21(Wed)23:10:43 No.860871920 >really f------ love eating my girl out >love hearing the sounds she makes >one time realise she makes a different kind of moan depending on what l'm doing 6 KB JPG >the sounds she makes vary in pitch, I can make her make specific noises at will >try to play the Darth Vader theme on her >almost got it >she snaps out of euphoria the second she figures out what I'm trying to do >mood killed instantly >she doesn't trust me down there again >tfw l'm not allowed to eat p---- anymore
: Anonymous 08/11/21(Wed)23:10:43 No.860871920 >really f------ love eating my girl out >love hearing the sounds she makes >one time realise she makes a different kind of moan depending on what l'm doing 6 KB JPG >the sounds she makes vary in pitch, I can make her make specific noises at will >try to play the Darth Vader theme on her >almost got it >she snaps out of euphoria the second she figures out what I'm trying to do >mood killed instantly >she doesn't trust me down there again >tfw l'm not allowed to eat p---- anymore

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Anon Aims High | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/18/21(Wed)23:34:02 No.65043688 >air force physical test expects you to do 20 push ups >can only do 4 I'm not even fat, what the f---? 85 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/18/21(Wed)23:34:02 No.65043688 >air force physical test expects you to do 20 push ups >can only do 4 I'm not even fat, what the f---? 85 KB JPG

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Coated feelings | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/21(Thu)09:30:47 No.65046920 >become in love with my sister >don't even see any other woman as a potential mate >can never confess my feelings to her because it might drive her away and f--- my relationship with my family >might as well just kill myself 105 KB JPG you don't know true pain : Anonymous 08/19/21(Thu)09:36:25 No.65046961 >>65046920 (OP) # >wear a fake mustache and a trenchcoat and ask your sister out in your deepest voice
: Anonymous 08/19/21(Thu)09:30:47 No.65046920 >become in love with my sister >don't even see any other woman as a potential mate >can never confess my feelings to her because it might drive her away and f--- my relationship with my family >might as well just kill myself 105 KB JPG you don't know true pain : Anonymous 08/19/21(Thu)09:36:25 No.65046961 >>65046920 (OP) # >wear a fake mustache and a trenchcoat and ask your sister out in your deepest voice

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Anon’s perfect plan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/12/21(Thu)03:30:59 No.64941869 >be me >Mexican >hate that (most) gringos think May 5 is our Independence Day >think of an iconic USA celebration a alamy stock photo >from now on I will say thanksgiving is USA Independence 29 KB JPG Day
: Anonymous 08/12/21(Thu)03:30:59 No.64941869 >be me >Mexican >hate that (most) gringos think May 5 is our Independence Day >think of an iconic USA celebration a alamy stock photo >from now on I will say thanksgiving is USA Independence 29 KB JPG Day

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Anon watches DBZ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/03/19(Wed)21:57:28 No.803751235 >be me >saiyan >l've known about my special gift for a few years how >want to tell my parents about my gift >me and my family will be visiting a restaurant to celebrate my 32 KB JPG mother's birthday >perfect opportunity.mp4 >go to dinner >my parents, grandparents and little brother are all sitting around the table >wait for everyone to settle down so can make a make a toast >l stand up and say "l'd like to say a few words." >everyone quiets down and my mother smiles at me >l explain to them how I have a special gift and that I'm saiyan, and tell them how much of a relief it is to finally this off my chest >my mother is no longer smiling >she gets up and says she has to use the bathroom >we finish eating in silence >my parents schedule a meeting with a psychiatrist the next day >mfw I ruined my mother's birthday >mfw I got diagnosed with schizophrenia
: Anonymous 07/03/19(Wed)21:57:28 No.803751235 >be me >saiyan >l've known about my special gift for a few years how >want to tell my parents about my gift >me and my family will be visiting a restaurant to celebrate my 32 KB JPG mother's birthday >perfect opportunity.mp4 >go to dinner >my parents, grandparents and little brother are all sitting around the table >wait for everyone to settle down so can make a make a toast >l stand up and say "l'd like to say a few words." >everyone quiets down and my mother smiles at me >l explain to them how I have a special gift and that I'm saiyan, and tell them how much of a relief it is to finally this off my chest >my mother is no longer smiling >she gets up and says she has to use the bathroom >we finish eating in silence >my parents schedule a meeting with a psychiatrist the next day >mfw I ruined my mother's birthday >mfw I got diagnosed with schizophrenia

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Two sides of the same coin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Bipolar feels 08/18/21(Wed)18:53:58 No.65038743 >be me >have bipolar disorder >start feeling suddenly happier one day >start feeling good about myself and self-esteem is boosted 170 KB JPG >have all the energy in the world >start having creative thoughts >message girls, they like my energy, optimism and confidence >become an alpha >ego starts tripping too much >God complex starts >happiness turns to irritation >become violent and dominant >abandon or hurt people around me >wake up one day >energy is gone, self-esteem is gone, optimism is gone >can't even get out of bed >those who haven't abandoned me already distance themselves from me as they can't stand my depressive sluggish behavior >become anxious and shy >flip back again
: Anonymous Bipolar feels 08/18/21(Wed)18:53:58 No.65038743 >be me >have bipolar disorder >start feeling suddenly happier one day >start feeling good about myself and self-esteem is boosted 170 KB JPG >have all the energy in the world >start having creative thoughts >message girls, they like my energy, optimism and confidence >become an alpha >ego starts tripping too much >God complex starts >happiness turns to irritation >become violent and dominant >abandon or hurt people around me >wake up one day >energy is gone, self-esteem is gone, optimism is gone >can't even get out of bed >those who haven't abandoned me already distance themselves from me as they can't stand my depressive sluggish behavior >become anxious and shy >flip back again

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Anon loses his balls | /r/Greentext

No.9739620 4 hours ago EFC224EA-8B40-4C49-9899-42881473A0E0.jpg JPG 265.2 KiB 1284x1267 >be born >open your eyes for the first time and realize you were born a puppy >life's great >sucking on your moms t--- a family comes and says they're going to adopt you >weeks go by they take you home >life in your new home is great >few more weeks go by and you hear talk of "snipping your balls" >w--?? >go for car ride, licking your nuts and enjoying them whilst riding to the vet >you get there, breathe some funny gas, pass out >wake up >there's a cone around your head and an ominous feeling that something is missing >few days later you go to lick your balls That's when it hits you, they're f------ GONE. Such is the the life of the average dog in North America 1 reply
No.9739620 4 hours ago EFC224EA-8B40-4C49-9899-42881473A0E0.jpg JPG 265.2 KiB 1284x1267 >be born >open your eyes for the first time and realize you were born a puppy >life's great >sucking on your moms t--- a family comes and says they're going to adopt you >weeks go by they take you home >life in your new home is great >few more weeks go by and you hear talk of "snipping your balls" >w--?? >go for car ride, licking your nuts and enjoying them whilst riding to the vet >you get there, breathe some funny gas, pass out >wake up >there's a cone around your head and an ominous feeling that something is missing >few days later you go to lick your balls That's when it hits you, they're f------ GONE. Such is the the life of the average dog in North America 1 reply

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Once bitten, twice shy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)03:58:58 No.64954941 >another wasp crawls into my room >remember what happened last time >pick it up with a cloth instead of my bare hands >release it outside safely 1.27 MB PNG You're never too old to learn new skills.
: Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)03:58:58 No.64954941 >another wasp crawls into my room >remember what happened last time >pick it up with a cloth instead of my bare hands >release it outside safely 1.27 MB PNG You're never too old to learn new skills.

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Zone of control | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/18/21(Wed)20:05:16 No.65039679 >been freindzoned by my oneitis for 10 years >she's recently married >drunk texted her and asked to meet up and hangout >seeing her this weekend 550 KB PNG I'm not gonna make it, am | 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 08/18/21 (Wed)20:06:57 No.65039699 >>65039679 (OP) # just tell her you were drunk and enjoy your day platonically, you dumb f------ normie : Anonymous 08/18/21(Wed)20:08:12 No.65039713 >>65039679 (OP) # Dude you already put up with 10 years of friendzoning. What's one more day?
: Anonymous 08/18/21(Wed)20:05:16 No.65039679 >been freindzoned by my oneitis for 10 years >she's recently married >drunk texted her and asked to meet up and hangout >seeing her this weekend 550 KB PNG I'm not gonna make it, am | 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 08/18/21 (Wed)20:06:57 No.65039699 >>65039679 (OP) # just tell her you were drunk and enjoy your day platonically, you dumb f------ normie : Anonymous 08/18/21(Wed)20:08:12 No.65039713 >>65039679 (OP) # Dude you already put up with 10 years of friendzoning. What's one more day?

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Anon has a hot mom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:19:43 No.845445166 >me >middle school >hard time making friends >walking out of school one day next to a classmate >my mom waves me down >"H-------- is that your mom dude? 9 KB PNG She's hot" >That's it, l'll be the kid with the hot mom! >Another day, walking out with different classmate >This is my chance, I'm the kid with the hot mom! >"Oh there's my mom, gotta go. She's hot huh? >He just stares back and says "what the f--- dude?" >mfw View Thread
: Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:19:43 No.845445166 >me >middle school >hard time making friends >walking out of school one day next to a classmate >my mom waves me down >"H-------- is that your mom dude? 9 KB PNG She's hot" >That's it, l'll be the kid with the hot mom! >Another day, walking out with different classmate >This is my chance, I'm the kid with the hot mom! >"Oh there's my mom, gotta go. She's hot huh? >He just stares back and says "what the f--- dude?" >mfw View Thread

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Anon struggles understanding /pol/' values | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: OKH50094 ) 08/19/21(Thu)18:04:13 No.335100089 /pol/: >this is a christian board >Jesus is King also /pol/: >gas the k---- >hang the n------ >f------ get the cross >f--- the poor 18 KB PNG >race war now ???
: Anonymous (ID: OKH50094 ) 08/19/21(Thu)18:04:13 No.335100089 /pol/: >this is a christian board >Jesus is King also /pol/: >gas the k---- >hang the n------ >f------ get the cross >f--- the poor 18 KB PNG >race war now ???

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Anon finds love | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: YuuVPqhc 08/19/21(Thu)09:34:09 No.335090062 >be me, kissless virgin >used to be a militant atheist when I was a kid, now just agnostic >still lean towards there being no god, but I now at least see the value of religion, and prefer the company of religious people 135 KB JPG >decide to go to local church and meet a nice traditional white girl like /pol/ suggests >it actually works, literally first day meet the nicest girl I've ever met >get to know her better, she's deeply religious (even teaches Sunday school), still a virgin (wants to wait until marriage), doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, hates modern media, wants to be a stay at home mom >eventually I work up the nerve to ask her out on a date >she says yes, it goes well >we start dating >can't do anything more than kiss, hold hands, and cuddle, which is fine with me. I've waited 28 years for sex, what's a few more? >things get more serious between us, start talking about marriage >last night I tell her I've been looking at rings >we start talking about the wedding, and she says her grandpa wants her to get a ketubah >"a what?" i say >"it's a jewish thing where you..." i stop her there I walked out of the room at that point and went straight home. I have not talked to her since. She's been calling and texting me nonstop. I've put all this time into courting a girl, only to find out that she's a f------ k---. 56 Replies / 7 Images View Thread
: Anonymous (ID: YuuVPqhc 08/19/21(Thu)09:34:09 No.335090062 >be me, kissless virgin >used to be a militant atheist when I was a kid, now just agnostic >still lean towards there being no god, but I now at least see the value of religion, and prefer the company of religious people 135 KB JPG >decide to go to local church and meet a nice traditional white girl like /pol/ suggests >it actually works, literally first day meet the nicest girl I've ever met >get to know her better, she's deeply religious (even teaches Sunday school), still a virgin (wants to wait until marriage), doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, hates modern media, wants to be a stay at home mom >eventually I work up the nerve to ask her out on a date >she says yes, it goes well >we start dating >can't do anything more than kiss, hold hands, and cuddle, which is fine with me. I've waited 28 years for sex, what's a few more? >things get more serious between us, start talking about marriage >last night I tell her I've been looking at rings >we start talking about the wedding, and she says her grandpa wants her to get a ketubah >"a what?" i say >"it's a jewish thing where you..." i stop her there I walked out of the room at that point and went straight home. I have not talked to her since. She's been calling and texting me nonstop. I've put all this time into courting a girl, only to find out that she's a f------ k---. 56 Replies / 7 Images View Thread

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