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Anon Loses his Wizardhood | /r/Greentext

There is no heaven No.424844538 >walking home from school >see girl I like also walking home >grow the balls to walk up to her >say hey to her >"Hi" >never really talked to her >awkward silence >aks me if I want to burn with her >f--- yes >go to park >she pulls out an ounce of weed >f--- yes >smoke 3 grams >high af >she asks me if I want to kiss her Only Lavender Town >f--- yes >we kiss >grabs my d--- >f--- yes >starts giving me a b------ >f------ awesome >asks me to finger her >never fingered a girl >feelsgood.jpg >asks me to put a finger in >feelsbetter.jpg >ask for 3 finger >does so >asks for my whole hand >wut >still does so >asks for both of my hands >more wut >does so >"I need more" >"what else do you need I have both my hands in your p----" >she looks me in the eye >"I need about tree fiddy" >lt was about that time when I realized I had both of my hands in the vagina of a 8 storie tall crustacean from the paleozoic era >that god damned loch ness monster had tricked me again pic not related
There is no heaven No.424844538 >walking home from school >see girl I like also walking home >grow the balls to walk up to her >say hey to her >"Hi" >never really talked to her >awkward silence >aks me if I want to burn with her >f--- yes >go to park >she pulls out an ounce of weed >f--- yes >smoke 3 grams >high af >she asks me if I want to kiss her Only Lavender Town >f--- yes >we kiss >grabs my d--- >f--- yes >starts giving me a b------ >f------ awesome >asks me to finger her >never fingered a girl >feelsgood.jpg >asks me to put a finger in >feelsbetter.jpg >ask for 3 finger >does so >asks for my whole hand >wut >still does so >asks for both of my hands >more wut >does so >"I need more" >"what else do you need I have both my hands in your p----" >she looks me in the eye >"I need about tree fiddy" >lt was about that time when I realized I had both of my hands in the vagina of a 8 storie tall crustacean from the paleozoic era >that god damned loch ness monster had tricked me again pic not related

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Anon is disturbed | /r/Greentext

>be me >sitting in restaurant eating sandwich >look over at Puerto Rican looking guy across the way >he ordered a baked potato >proceeds to tear into the f------ thing like a velociraptor eviscerating a poodle, or a hunk of bread >no knife and fork, or napkin, in f------ sight >Captain Caveman eats the entire thing skin and all >soon there is nothing left that would ever indicate there had ever been a baked potato, the neanderthal literally ate the entire potato out of existence I'm deeply disturbed. What the f---? Who eats a baked 15 KB JPG potato like this?
>be me >sitting in restaurant eating sandwich >look over at Puerto Rican looking guy across the way >he ordered a baked potato >proceeds to tear into the f------ thing like a velociraptor eviscerating a poodle, or a hunk of bread >no knife and fork, or napkin, in f------ sight >Captain Caveman eats the entire thing skin and all >soon there is nothing left that would ever indicate there had ever been a baked potato, the neanderthal literally ate the entire potato out of existence I'm deeply disturbed. What the f---? Who eats a baked 15 KB JPG potato like this?

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Anon goes to the weed store | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/19/21(Fri)10:48:40 No.62398719 Old memory just struck me. >at weed store owned by old white grandma looking lady >lots of good quality strains for good prices >would amp up my gay qualities because it made the owner laugh and she'd make my 9 KB JPG bags a lil bit heavier >one night old lady goes to the back of the store for some reason, calls her husband out to finish my order >quite, old, hulking, native american man shuffles out >ask for 2 grams of an indica, he puts a hefty 8g nug in my bag, then takes my payment. >Tells me "Thank you for making her laugh." as I leave. It was shut down by the police about 6 weeks later. Good times. II
: Anonymous 02/19/21(Fri)10:48:40 No.62398719 Old memory just struck me. >at weed store owned by old white grandma looking lady >lots of good quality strains for good prices >would amp up my gay qualities because it made the owner laugh and she'd make my 9 KB JPG bags a lil bit heavier >one night old lady goes to the back of the store for some reason, calls her husband out to finish my order >quite, old, hulking, native american man shuffles out >ask for 2 grams of an indica, he puts a hefty 8g nug in my bag, then takes my payment. >Tells me "Thank you for making her laugh." as I leave. It was shut down by the police about 6 weeks later. Good times. II

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Anon is confused | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: FDOX7H9N 07/07/21(Wed)16:06:55 No.329128054 >Japanese go out of their way to attack a port base away from civilian sectors >In response, Americans bomb women and children in central cities 74 KB JPG Why are Americans considered the good guys again? 35 Replies / 10 Images View Thread
: Anonymous (ID: FDOX7H9N 07/07/21(Wed)16:06:55 No.329128054 >Japanese go out of their way to attack a port base away from civilian sectors >In response, Americans bomb women and children in central cities 74 KB JPG Why are Americans considered the good guys again? 35 Replies / 10 Images View Thread

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Anon uses life hacks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous F--- wagies 07/07/21(Wed)15:10:07 No.64478353 How do you maximize your neetbux? >Ask for a large cup of water everytime, refill with soda. >Steal silverware at chain restaurants and sell it on 138 KB GIF Facebook marketplaces once l have enough. >Take condiments >Take backpack into bathrooms with good TP and steal it all. >Have saved every single warranty item and sent it in for a new one at the time of warranty expiration. Did this with some sennheisers, corsair keyboard, monitor. >Torrent all single player games, g2a for multi- player. >Flatmate asked me to fix her internet. Wrote down the router password. Use it when I want to download something big. >Bought a set of tubular picks, anytime I see a vending machine without cameras near by I help myself to a neetbux advance. >Drop ship things >Crypto trade >Collect vintage hand helds from flea markets, garage sales, pawn shops. Flip on eBay for an easy 10-100x profit.
: Anonymous F--- wagies 07/07/21(Wed)15:10:07 No.64478353 How do you maximize your neetbux? >Ask for a large cup of water everytime, refill with soda. >Steal silverware at chain restaurants and sell it on 138 KB GIF Facebook marketplaces once l have enough. >Take condiments >Take backpack into bathrooms with good TP and steal it all. >Have saved every single warranty item and sent it in for a new one at the time of warranty expiration. Did this with some sennheisers, corsair keyboard, monitor. >Torrent all single player games, g2a for multi- player. >Flatmate asked me to fix her internet. Wrote down the router password. Use it when I want to download something big. >Bought a set of tubular picks, anytime I see a vending machine without cameras near by I help myself to a neetbux advance. >Drop ship things >Crypto trade >Collect vintage hand helds from flea markets, garage sales, pawn shops. Flip on eBay for an easy 10-100x profit.

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Anon questions his sexuality | /r/Greentext

File: glass-wave-200-ml-transparent.jpg (13 KB, 768x512) O is this gay? Anonymous 07/07/21 (Wed)21:08:50 No.64477683 hello r9k, quick question > be me, 18 male > have cute boy over, also 18 male > offer him a drink > he finishes and gives the glass back to me > he leaves couple of hours later > see the glass > really, REALLY want to touch my d--- where his mouth was is this gay? am i gay?
File: glass-wave-200-ml-transparent.jpg (13 KB, 768x512) O is this gay? Anonymous 07/07/21 (Wed)21:08:50 No.64477683 hello r9k, quick question > be me, 18 male > have cute boy over, also 18 male > offer him a drink > he finishes and gives the glass back to me > he leaves couple of hours later > see the glass > really, REALLY want to touch my d--- where his mouth was is this gay? am i gay?

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anon doesn't quite understand how microwaves work | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/21 (Tue)12:04:48 No.849177823 >no fire >spinning plate (???) 107 KB JPG >hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm >beep beep beep beep >food is hot just imagine believing in microwave 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 03/09/21 (Tue)12:04:48 No.849177823 >no fire >spinning plate (???) 107 KB JPG >hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm >beep beep beep beep >food is hot just imagine believing in microwave 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread

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To thine own self be true | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/05/21(Mon)17:12:44 No.64457120 >i regularly stimulate a man's penis with my hand until he orgasms THE HOLY LAND TIKE PAK >b-but l'm not gay because that man is me! Coomer copes are so desperate. M----------- is gay. 84 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/05/21(Mon)17:12:44 No.64457120 >i regularly stimulate a man's penis with my hand until he orgasms THE HOLY LAND TIKE PAK >b-but l'm not gay because that man is me! Coomer copes are so desperate. M----------- is gay. 84 KB JPG

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anon gets revenge | /r/Greentext

1388964866137.jpg-(330 KB, 993x755, bueno.jpg) Anonymous 01/05/14(Sun)17:34:26 UTC-6 No.525318071 BUENO >Be me 16 >At London Airport >Going through Customs to get back to Murica >Bag goes through security >BEEP BEEP >Pushed into manual inspection line >Wait 20 minutes for british fatass to finish checking other backs ARFRATMIEEEEEEE Gets to mine >F------ drops it >Picks it back up, "Oh no m8, no snowglobes allowed" >Picked up a $40 snowglobe for my gf back home >Hatch an idea >"You dropped my bag, can you check to make sure everything else is okay?" >"Yeah fine, sorry about that" >Pulls out my tablet, which has been cracked for 2 years >"WHAT THẺ F--- YOU BROKE MY F------ TABLET" >"OMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMOMG I'm so sorry!" >Goes and fills out paperwork for damage >Tablet also out of battery >"S--- won't turn on" >"F--- m8, how much did it cost?" >"500" >MFW she writes 500 pounds, not 500 dollars >MFW it was a $200 Nook Color >MFW I get $820 in the mail Don't f--- with my snowglobe
1388964866137.jpg-(330 KB, 993x755, bueno.jpg) Anonymous 01/05/14(Sun)17:34:26 UTC-6 No.525318071 BUENO >Be me 16 >At London Airport >Going through Customs to get back to Murica >Bag goes through security >BEEP BEEP >Pushed into manual inspection line >Wait 20 minutes for british fatass to finish checking other backs ARFRATMIEEEEEEE Gets to mine >F------ drops it >Picks it back up, "Oh no m8, no snowglobes allowed" >Picked up a $40 snowglobe for my gf back home >Hatch an idea >"You dropped my bag, can you check to make sure everything else is okay?" >"Yeah fine, sorry about that" >Pulls out my tablet, which has been cracked for 2 years >"WHAT THẺ F--- YOU BROKE MY F------ TABLET" >"OMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMOMG I'm so sorry!" >Goes and fills out paperwork for damage >Tablet also out of battery >"S--- won't turn on" >"F--- m8, how much did it cost?" >"500" >MFW she writes 500 pounds, not 500 dollars >MFW it was a $200 Nook Color >MFW I get $820 in the mail Don't f--- with my snowglobe

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Anon likes Goblins | /r/Greentext

HAUNTED ANGER 1612719474588.jpg 26 KB JPG >tfw you don't have a cute goblin gf to call you names >tfw you don't have a cute goblin gf to cuddle >tfw you don't have a cute goblin gf to mary and have kids with >tfw goblin girls don't exist
HAUNTED ANGER 1612719474588.jpg 26 KB JPG >tfw you don't have a cute goblin gf to call you names >tfw you don't have a cute goblin gf to cuddle >tfw you don't have a cute goblin gf to mary and have kids with >tfw goblin girls don't exist

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Anon doesn't want to share his wallet | /r/Greentext

O Wife wants access to wallet Anonymous (ID: DhiFjFDy) 07/07/21(Wed)11:58:06 No.38598444 >>38598466 >>38598736 >married 6 months ago >everything was going well for ~4 months >one day she asks me about crypto in a really strange roundabout casual way >pretend I don't know much about it >clearly doesn't believe me >no idea how she could know >had put my inheritance in crypto two years before we got married >we had agreed when we got married that when her parents passed she would keep 100% of her inheritance >less and less sex since then >more arguments over b------- >be yesterday >making breakfast >she says 'I know about your bitcoins and I want you to give me access to them' >deny everything >don't see each other that night >this morning she's overly polite and doesn't mention crypto or anything fight related >now says she's going for a girls night out with her best friend Catherine >Catherine is a level 99 lawyer who works in finance what do?
O Wife wants access to wallet Anonymous (ID: DhiFjFDy) 07/07/21(Wed)11:58:06 No.38598444 >>38598466 >>38598736 >married 6 months ago >everything was going well for ~4 months >one day she asks me about crypto in a really strange roundabout casual way >pretend I don't know much about it >clearly doesn't believe me >no idea how she could know >had put my inheritance in crypto two years before we got married >we had agreed when we got married that when her parents passed she would keep 100% of her inheritance >less and less sex since then >more arguments over b------- >be yesterday >making breakfast >she says 'I know about your bitcoins and I want you to give me access to them' >deny everything >don't see each other that night >this morning she's overly polite and doesn't mention crypto or anything fight related >now says she's going for a girls night out with her best friend Catherine >Catherine is a level 99 lawyer who works in finance what do?

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Anon is disappointed. | /r/Greentext

>>323094529 (OP) File: F0965968-E784-469F-B51A-4(...).png (1.65 MB, 964x1322) O Anonymous (ID: U7UQMN) I•1 05/24/21(Mon)22:01:38 No.323094529 >>323095778 >>323095879 >>323096173 >>323096251 >>323096680 >>323097195 >>323097325 >>323097400 >>323097484 >>323098018 >>323098098 >>323098550 Could /pol/ have saved her? O Anonymous (ID: UPCLISAP) 05/24/21(Mon)22:32:47 No.323098098 ► File: 2dcb1fdcf23c25f26a81117bf(..).png (45 KB, 897x298) O Anonymous (ID: 7ZFluu6b) E 05/24/21(Mon)18:37:04 No.323076979 ► >>323067787 O Anonymous (ID: 1041-Fk6 ) 05/24/21(Mon)17:22:48 No.323067787 >>323068360 >>323068475 >>323068888 >>323069750 >>323072280 >>323072341 >>323076979 >>323077909 >>323078137 File: 72d29c82-36f3-4cf0-8d1e-6(.).jpg (31 KB, 360x303) >>323067675 (OP) >finally get to see Ellen Page's t--- >it has to be like this This has gotta be the most savage monkey paw wish ever granted
>>323094529 (OP) File: F0965968-E784-469F-B51A-4(...).png (1.65 MB, 964x1322) O Anonymous (ID: U7UQMN) I•1 05/24/21(Mon)22:01:38 No.323094529 >>323095778 >>323095879 >>323096173 >>323096251 >>323096680 >>323097195 >>323097325 >>323097400 >>323097484 >>323098018 >>323098098 >>323098550 Could /pol/ have saved her? O Anonymous (ID: UPCLISAP) 05/24/21(Mon)22:32:47 No.323098098 ► File: 2dcb1fdcf23c25f26a81117bf(..).png (45 KB, 897x298) O Anonymous (ID: 7ZFluu6b) E 05/24/21(Mon)18:37:04 No.323076979 ► >>323067787 O Anonymous (ID: 1041-Fk6 ) 05/24/21(Mon)17:22:48 No.323067787 >>323068360 >>323068475 >>323068888 >>323069750 >>323072280 >>323072341 >>323076979 >>323077909 >>323078137 File: 72d29c82-36f3-4cf0-8d1e-6(.).jpg (31 KB, 360x303) >>323067675 (OP) >finally get to see Ellen Page's t--- >it has to be like this This has gotta be the most savage monkey paw wish ever granted

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anon poops in public | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)00:09:04 No.64432554 >went to see a movie at the park tonight >portapotties instead of real bathrooms >get bad stomach pains >while waiting in line one girl starts shouting 'they've all been occupied 20 KB JPG a long time. Are they pooing? Gross! Why would you poo in a portapotty?" >already feeling embarassed, but too much pain to care >get into a porta potty >quietly do my business >after several minutes the door opens >I thought I had locked it, but it had not gone all the way >the guy apologizes and closes, but everyone saw me, a giant line of people >i can hear a woman asking if im 'okay', as i was sitting on the toilet >suddenly hear lots of laughing >it goes on for almost 3 whole minutes
: Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)00:09:04 No.64432554 >went to see a movie at the park tonight >portapotties instead of real bathrooms >get bad stomach pains >while waiting in line one girl starts shouting 'they've all been occupied 20 KB JPG a long time. Are they pooing? Gross! Why would you poo in a portapotty?" >already feeling embarassed, but too much pain to care >get into a porta potty >quietly do my business >after several minutes the door opens >I thought I had locked it, but it had not gone all the way >the guy apologizes and closes, but everyone saw me, a giant line of people >i can hear a woman asking if im 'okay', as i was sitting on the toilet >suddenly hear lots of laughing >it goes on for almost 3 whole minutes

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Anon gets groceries | /r/Greentext

File: 9B687024-4362-4409-8174-2(..).jpg (55 KB, 640x640) O Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)23:16:24 No.858520561 >>858520 >Be me >At the store hanging out with mom, buying groceries with her >Get to the checkout >10/10 girl behind one of the registers >Looks like pic related >Knees weak >Arms heavy >mom's spaghetti >We go to another register >Pay like a normal person >Leave >> Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)23:20:54 No.858520771►
File: 9B687024-4362-4409-8174-2(..).jpg (55 KB, 640x640) O Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)23:16:24 No.858520561 >>858520 >Be me >At the store hanging out with mom, buying groceries with her >Get to the checkout >10/10 girl behind one of the registers >Looks like pic related >Knees weak >Arms heavy >mom's spaghetti >We go to another register >Pay like a normal person >Leave >> Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)23:20:54 No.858520771►

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Anon violates the Geneva convention | /r/Greentext

File: Ezt2MChUcAMZpF5.jpg (88 KB, 854x1047) O Anonymous 07/07/21(Wed)21:19:49 No.858554753 >go to foreign country >walk into an office complex >go to the office area >walk past security >go into bathroom >take the fattest s--- ever in the urinal >walk out >leave the country >never return
File: Ezt2MChUcAMZpF5.jpg (88 KB, 854x1047) O Anonymous 07/07/21(Wed)21:19:49 No.858554753 >go to foreign country >walk into an office complex >go to the office area >walk past security >go into bathroom >take the fattest s--- ever in the urinal >walk out >leave the country >never return

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Anon Chadmaxxed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Axgiz9DM ) 07/06/21(Tue)22:35:15 No.38588487 >>38588626 >>38588650 >>38588558 >be me >had a nerdy white name >salary: $55k (last year) >rarely used to get calls from recruiters >this year >decide to change name to "Chad" >start to get too much recruiter spam than I can handle >currently interviewing for a job that pays $110k >interviewer is super nice which is a surreal experience What the f--- is this life hack? Short manly sounding names = higher net worth now? Do my qualifications and experience mean nothing anymore?
Anonymous (ID: Axgiz9DM ) 07/06/21(Tue)22:35:15 No.38588487 >>38588626 >>38588650 >>38588558 >be me >had a nerdy white name >salary: $55k (last year) >rarely used to get calls from recruiters >this year >decide to change name to "Chad" >start to get too much recruiter spam than I can handle >currently interviewing for a job that pays $110k >interviewer is super nice which is a surreal experience What the f--- is this life hack? Short manly sounding names = higher net worth now? Do my qualifications and experience mean nothing anymore?

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