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Anon’s Sunday Night | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)14:28:35 No.854002332 >Be me >playing video games on Sunday night >comfy as hell >very invested in game >See a light coming through my 51 KB JPG window. >"Oh s---, I stayed up all night playing video games!" >panicking as I think about another exhausting day at work. >look out window >turns out that it's just the mushroom cloud from a nuclear warhead >crisisaverted.exe
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)14:28:35 No.854002332 >Be me >playing video games on Sunday night >comfy as hell >very invested in game >See a light coming through my 51 KB JPG window. >"Oh s---, I stayed up all night playing video games!" >panicking as I think about another exhausting day at work. >look out window >turns out that it's just the mushroom cloud from a nuclear warhead >crisisaverted.exe

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Anon is based | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)20:54:08 No.101678713 >song starts >enjoying it >female vocals come in >instantly turn off the album and never listen again 50 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)20:54:08 No.101678713 >song starts >enjoying it >female vocals come in >instantly turn off the album and never listen again 50 KB JPG

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Anon learns the dark truth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E Happy moments when you were a (...) 05/08/21(Sat)05:00:13 No.63569833 >be me >be 10 or 11 >be sitting in train >two hot chicks in their 20s come to sit infront of my seat >stare at me 448 KB PNG >i stare at them >they laugh and say i looked cute >i'm shy so kinda say in a quiet tone my age >chit chat for a while >i'm at my station >get out >still remembers to this day : Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)06:28:54 No.63570869 >>63569833 (OP)_# You were being groomed.
: Anonymous E Happy moments when you were a (...) 05/08/21(Sat)05:00:13 No.63569833 >be me >be 10 or 11 >be sitting in train >two hot chicks in their 20s come to sit infront of my seat >stare at me 448 KB PNG >i stare at them >they laugh and say i looked cute >i'm shy so kinda say in a quiet tone my age >chit chat for a while >i'm at my station >get out >still remembers to this day : Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)06:28:54 No.63570869 >>63569833 (OP)_# You were being groomed.

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Anon downloads tinder | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)06:59:23 No.63587512 >be me >lonely >download tinder >match with super cute goth girl that lives 3 miles away >we chat for a bit 172 KB PNG >she asks to facetime >we facetime, she's wearing a tanktop and no bra. Looks just as cute as in her pictures >she invites me over >we hang out and smoke out of her bong >l brought a dab pen and we take a few dabs >both really stoned >start cuddling and making out >she gives me head >really great, she even sucks on my balls. takes off her shirt and squeezes her t--- as she goes >finally c-- after what felt like 20 minutes, I was entranced >within 15 seconds of c------ I lose all interest in her >regret even coming over even though I got my d--- sucked by a cute girl >she takes her pants off and wants to keep going >I tell her I left my condoms in my car >she says "okay just be fast :)" >go to my car to get the "condoms" >turn on the engine and drive away sex is a meme.
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)06:59:23 No.63587512 >be me >lonely >download tinder >match with super cute goth girl that lives 3 miles away >we chat for a bit 172 KB PNG >she asks to facetime >we facetime, she's wearing a tanktop and no bra. Looks just as cute as in her pictures >she invites me over >we hang out and smoke out of her bong >l brought a dab pen and we take a few dabs >both really stoned >start cuddling and making out >she gives me head >really great, she even sucks on my balls. takes off her shirt and squeezes her t--- as she goes >finally c-- after what felt like 20 minutes, I was entranced >within 15 seconds of c------ I lose all interest in her >regret even coming over even though I got my d--- sucked by a cute girl >she takes her pants off and wants to keep going >I tell her I left my condoms in my car >she says "okay just be fast :)" >go to my car to get the "condoms" >turn on the engine and drive away sex is a meme.

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Anon is still happy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/19/21(Tue)03:43:29 No.845197804 >be me >grades have tanked, gf broke up, cousin died of covid >life is pretty s--- right now but i still wake up with a smile on my face, because at least I'm not indian 11 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/19/21(Tue)03:43:29 No.845197804 >be me >grades have tanked, gf broke up, cousin died of covid >life is pretty s--- right now but i still wake up with a smile on my face, because at least I'm not indian 11 KB JPG

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Anon is normal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/22/18(Fri)07:00:15 No.772251560 >>772251055 (OP) # >be 15 >sister 17 WOOSH VOUAVE Smol pener >walks out of bathroom after shower 40 KB JPG >towel hanging very loose around her body. >tell her to fasten her towel before it falls off >she nods and fastens it before walking away >i go shower and forget about it >because im not some sick degenerate like you f----. >>772251744 #
: Anonymous 06/22/18(Fri)07:00:15 No.772251560 >>772251055 (OP) # >be 15 >sister 17 WOOSH VOUAVE Smol pener >walks out of bathroom after shower 40 KB JPG >towel hanging very loose around her body. >tell her to fasten her towel before it falls off >she nods and fastens it before walking away >i go shower and forget about it >because im not some sick degenerate like you f----. >>772251744 #

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anons dick is dead | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/19(Thu)01:19:27 No.807162355 > tfw sex drive has been decreasing and decreasing > met a girl > tried to have sex > couldn't get hard > concluded that I have p--- induced ED > can only really get hard if I'm watching some sort of degenerate p--- 210 KB PNG > started nofap yesterday > did a fairly big workout last night > literally no boner all f------ day > even if I play with my d--- > meeting girl again on friday F---, whats going on? Is this normal? All I want to do is to be able to f------ my girlfriend I feel like a f------ cuck
: Anonymous 08/15/19(Thu)01:19:27 No.807162355 > tfw sex drive has been decreasing and decreasing > met a girl > tried to have sex > couldn't get hard > concluded that I have p--- induced ED > can only really get hard if I'm watching some sort of degenerate p--- 210 KB PNG > started nofap yesterday > did a fairly big workout last night > literally no boner all f------ day > even if I play with my d--- > meeting girl again on friday F---, whats going on? Is this normal? All I want to do is to be able to f------ my girlfriend I feel like a f------ cuck

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Anon embarresses himself | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)06:25:01 No.850206367 >girl in front of me using her hand to block the sun from getting into her eye >me thinking she is trying to high five me >me and girl high five >she looks at me weird >mfw when i realize
Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)06:25:01 No.850206367 >girl in front of me using her hand to block the sun from getting into her eye >me thinking she is trying to high five me >me and girl high five >she looks at me weird >mfw when i realize

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Anon like the ooga-booga days | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)14:13:47 No.63575272 >be primitive human >only work 20 hours a week >men get to hunt ceewl animals and s--- or guard the tribe >women gather berries and grains and s--- 87 KB JPG >worship tree spirits >be absolutley fascinated with the world around you without knowing what any of it actually is >no inceldom, see a primitive qt with a plump behind in the woods i can just r--- her lol >can also breed with qt neanderthal girls H-------- can we go back to ooga-booga days? : Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)14:16:22 No.63575295 >>63575272 (OP) # >90% of the children just up and die >great grandpa is the oldest person who ever lived >he's 30 > he out lives you because you sprained your ankle >>63575322 # >>63575337 # >>63575931 # >>63576483 # >>63576971 #
: Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)14:13:47 No.63575272 >be primitive human >only work 20 hours a week >men get to hunt ceewl animals and s--- or guard the tribe >women gather berries and grains and s--- 87 KB JPG >worship tree spirits >be absolutley fascinated with the world around you without knowing what any of it actually is >no inceldom, see a primitive qt with a plump behind in the woods i can just r--- her lol >can also breed with qt neanderthal girls H-------- can we go back to ooga-booga days? : Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)14:16:22 No.63575295 >>63575272 (OP) # >90% of the children just up and die >great grandpa is the oldest person who ever lived >he's 30 > he out lives you because you sprained your ankle >>63575322 # >>63575337 # >>63575931 # >>63576483 # >>63576971 #

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Anon does a prank call | /r/Greentext

Most evil thing you've ever done thread No.54644228 09/30/19(Mon)07:16:32 evil.jpg JPG 31.6 KİB 404x512 >Bored as f--- >Call random number >Woman answers >"Hi it's the school calling about your child" >"About Jack? what's wrong?" >"Nothing. We just wanted to let you know the music teacher apparently says you've got a little Elvis on your hands" >"Really?" >"Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet" >Hang up ...
Most evil thing you've ever done thread No.54644228 09/30/19(Mon)07:16:32 evil.jpg JPG 31.6 KİB 404x512 >Bored as f--- >Call random number >Woman answers >"Hi it's the school calling about your child" >"About Jack? what's wrong?" >"Nothing. We just wanted to let you know the music teacher apparently says you've got a little Elvis on your hands" >"Really?" >"Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet" >Hang up ...

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Anon laughs out loud | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)20:01:37 No.853965943 >be me today >eating on the patio of a restaurant >waitress has another girl shadowing her with a name tag that says "Trainee" >2 middle age women get seated within earshot of me, blonde and brunette 12 KB JPG >same waitress and trainee take their order >hear them say something like “that's just not right" and "I can't believe that" after they order >trainee brings back the waters alone >blonde says “honey, I just wanna say, they should NOT be making you wear a name tag that says t-----" >brunette says “you look great honey that's no one else's business" >f------ burst out laughing so loud everyone turns and looks >trainee girl literally starts crying and runs off >mfw
: Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)20:01:37 No.853965943 >be me today >eating on the patio of a restaurant >waitress has another girl shadowing her with a name tag that says "Trainee" >2 middle age women get seated within earshot of me, blonde and brunette 12 KB JPG >same waitress and trainee take their order >hear them say something like “that's just not right" and "I can't believe that" after they order >trainee brings back the waters alone >blonde says “honey, I just wanna say, they should NOT be making you wear a name tag that says t-----" >brunette says “you look great honey that's no one else's business" >f------ burst out laughing so loud everyone turns and looks >trainee girl literally starts crying and runs off >mfw

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Anon gets a stupid idea | /r/Greentext

>> *O Anonymous 02/01/18(Thu)12:56:35 No.94008428 File: feelstooreal.gif (263 KB, 319x255) >>94004782 (OP) >watch movie with parents >Father tells his son that he loves him >look to my dad >"Don't get any stupid f------ ideas" >0-okay
>> *O Anonymous 02/01/18(Thu)12:56:35 No.94008428 File: feelstooreal.gif (263 KB, 319x255) >>94004782 (OP) >watch movie with parents >Father tells his son that he loves him >look to my dad >"Don't get any stupid f------ ideas" >0-okay

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Anon is a good father. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous = 11/02/15(Mon)16:33:45 No.50235903 ► >>50236000 >>50236056 File: bloon.png (44 KB, 200x200) >Be sperm donor >One of my kids wants to meet me >Arrange meeting >Autistic nerdy guy >Start the meeting with "Jeez l'm glad I didn't have to raise you" >He starts crying >Walk away This actually happened
Anonymous = 11/02/15(Mon)16:33:45 No.50235903 ► >>50236000 >>50236056 File: bloon.png (44 KB, 200x200) >Be sperm donor >One of my kids wants to meet me >Arrange meeting >Autistic nerdy guy >Start the meeting with "Jeez l'm glad I didn't have to raise you" >He starts crying >Walk away This actually happened

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Dearly beloved | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)05:04:55 No.61083264 >friend dies in car crash >his wife is on the verge of a breakdown >everyone's pretty sure she'll kill herself if left alone >all friends take turns babysitting her for a week >it comes to my turn to watch her >don't want this bitch being a gains goblin >"listen if your hanging out with me today we're going to the gym" >she says she doesn't want to work out >"idc then just sit there while I do" >go to gym and start lifting >doing heavy tricep pull downs >f------ shirt is catching on the bar >take it off and continue >4th set look over at friends wife >she's staring at me, not even blinking >think she's having a panic attack or something >walk over and ask if she's ok >says yeah sorry I was just watching you | >oh ok >go finish final set >she walks up to me and touches my arm while l'm finishing my last two reps >just smiling at me ear to ear and touching my arm >ask her “having fun?" >she says I am now haha Might f--- her in his memory
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)05:04:55 No.61083264 >friend dies in car crash >his wife is on the verge of a breakdown >everyone's pretty sure she'll kill herself if left alone >all friends take turns babysitting her for a week >it comes to my turn to watch her >don't want this bitch being a gains goblin >"listen if your hanging out with me today we're going to the gym" >she says she doesn't want to work out >"idc then just sit there while I do" >go to gym and start lifting >doing heavy tricep pull downs >f------ shirt is catching on the bar >take it off and continue >4th set look over at friends wife >she's staring at me, not even blinking >think she's having a panic attack or something >walk over and ask if she's ok >says yeah sorry I was just watching you | >oh ok >go finish final set >she walks up to me and touches my arm while l'm finishing my last two reps >just smiling at me ear to ear and touching my arm >ask her “having fun?" >she says I am now haha Might f--- her in his memory

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Anon is a degenerate | /r/Greentext

File: B854C3EE-DA21-420F-9574-7(...).jpg (42 KB, 348x348) O Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)18:27:30 No.853944681 [Reply] >little sis farts >smell it >get boner >mfw
File: B854C3EE-DA21-420F-9574-7(...).jpg (42 KB, 348x348) O Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)18:27:30 No.853944681 [Reply] >little sis farts >smell it >get boner >mfw

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One of my favs | /r/Greentext

>standing in club. >drunk girl approaches, wants me to come with her >notsureifwant.jpg >she actually pays money for 10 KB JPG me to come with her >amiahookernow.png >takes me out to the street >starts sucking off me right in the street >feelsgoodman.jpg >cop comes by >"you can't do that here!" >grabs me by the nozzle and starts walking >the vibration causes me to spill my juices on his gloved hand >he doesn't seem to really mind >throws me in a trashcan >l instantly shatter >mfw l'm a vodka bottle Anonymous 09/25/13(Wed)08:51:20 No.507808853 f--- did I really fall for this s---?? Anonymous 09/25/13(Wed)08:55:04 No.507809125 F------ 10/10
>standing in club. >drunk girl approaches, wants me to come with her >notsureifwant.jpg >she actually pays money for 10 KB JPG me to come with her >amiahookernow.png >takes me out to the street >starts sucking off me right in the street >feelsgoodman.jpg >cop comes by >"you can't do that here!" >grabs me by the nozzle and starts walking >the vibration causes me to spill my juices on his gloved hand >he doesn't seem to really mind >throws me in a trashcan >l instantly shatter >mfw l'm a vodka bottle Anonymous 09/25/13(Wed)08:51:20 No.507808853 f--- did I really fall for this s---?? Anonymous 09/25/13(Wed)08:55:04 No.507809125 F------ 10/10

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Anon fights a war | /r/Greentext

>Be me, US Army fighting in afganistan in '07 >doing a routine patrol when fire erupts >We are getting torn up 6 KB JPG >Radio for QRF >The closest unit is a British armor company >Yeah f--- it why not. >While waiting for them to show up the radio crackles with what I thought was feedback but aiso sounded kind of like a bus horn >"Leopard 2, what is your ETA?" >l get back "We like to party, we like, we like to party, we like to party" from the red coats >"Leopard two please follow standard radio procedure. What is your ETA." >I hear music slowly fading in from around the corner, its that stupid six flags song with the dancing old guy. >They blast into the middle of the f------ battlefield sheilding us from the majority of the fire. > they have some jerry rigged ass speakers blasting the Vengaboys on repeat while they lay down hate on the enemy >One PKM lets a belt loose and disables one of their speakers. >Thank god, that songs only half as loud now. >The L7 retaliates by letting a HEAT round into the MG position >Rockets incoming >Normally a tank crew would fire off thier smoke to create concealment and move to another position >these c---- filled them with chem lights >HUNDREDS of chem lights fire in front of the tank >raining down on a few close enemy >imgonnadie.jpg >They run away in confusion >Battle over >mmk >MFW I got saved by the vengaboys >TFW they got routed by some english assholes probably brewing tea in their tank
>Be me, US Army fighting in afganistan in '07 >doing a routine patrol when fire erupts >We are getting torn up 6 KB JPG >Radio for QRF >The closest unit is a British armor company >Yeah f--- it why not. >While waiting for them to show up the radio crackles with what I thought was feedback but aiso sounded kind of like a bus horn >"Leopard 2, what is your ETA?" >l get back "We like to party, we like, we like to party, we like to party" from the red coats >"Leopard two please follow standard radio procedure. What is your ETA." >I hear music slowly fading in from around the corner, its that stupid six flags song with the dancing old guy. >They blast into the middle of the f------ battlefield sheilding us from the majority of the fire. > they have some jerry rigged ass speakers blasting the Vengaboys on repeat while they lay down hate on the enemy >One PKM lets a belt loose and disables one of their speakers. >Thank god, that songs only half as loud now. >The L7 retaliates by letting a HEAT round into the MG position >Rockets incoming >Normally a tank crew would fire off thier smoke to create concealment and move to another position >these c---- filled them with chem lights >HUNDREDS of chem lights fire in front of the tank >raining down on a few close enemy >imgonnadie.jpg >They run away in confusion >Battle over >mmk >MFW I got saved by the vengaboys >TFW they got routed by some english assholes probably brewing tea in their tank

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Anon talks about forrest gump | /r/Greentext

File: 1920x1080a.jpg (113 KB, 1920x1080) O random blackpills you find Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)19:47:54 No.63577866 [Reply] ► >>63577979 h-------- i never realize how blackpilled forrest gump was when i watched it as a kid >While jenny was sleeping around in college, forrest was excelling in sports,getting a degree and being a loyal friend >While jenny was working as a stripper, forrest joined the army >While jenny was being a hippy and doing sex, drugs and rock&roll, forrest was risking his life to save his platoon, running into an area about to be carpet bombed without a second thought >While jenny was being slapped around by her 200th crappy boyfriend, Forrest was receiving a medal of honor >While jenny joined the black panthers, forrest was training and becoming a famous international pingpong champion because he wanted to entertain his army buddies. >While jenny was clubbing and w------ herself out for drugs, forrest started up a wildly successfull shrimpcatching operation in honor of the promise he made to his dead friend, naming his boat after her >While jenny came crawling back to him, only to leave him again without even saying goodbye, forrest was spending time with his sick mother, and spending his fortunes helping his community and building hospitals. >While jenny was hoeing around and getting kids out of wedlock with her aids-ridden p----, forrest was running around the world to deal with the fact that he might never see her again, becoming famous, again, and inspiring a whole new movement. >Then, after not seeing him for over 3 years, hiding his kid from after all that time, he's still loyal to her. >Knowing she now truly has nowhere to go she agrees to marry him so her kid doesn't grow up in poverty. And supposedly SHE was too good for HIM because supposedly HE was the stupid one who didn't know what love was? He was stupid, for not realizing there's better women out there. Forrest was loyal to the end, Jenny never deserved him.
File: 1920x1080a.jpg (113 KB, 1920x1080) O random blackpills you find Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)19:47:54 No.63577866 [Reply] ► >>63577979 h-------- i never realize how blackpilled forrest gump was when i watched it as a kid >While jenny was sleeping around in college, forrest was excelling in sports,getting a degree and being a loyal friend >While jenny was working as a stripper, forrest joined the army >While jenny was being a hippy and doing sex, drugs and rock&roll, forrest was risking his life to save his platoon, running into an area about to be carpet bombed without a second thought >While jenny was being slapped around by her 200th crappy boyfriend, Forrest was receiving a medal of honor >While jenny joined the black panthers, forrest was training and becoming a famous international pingpong champion because he wanted to entertain his army buddies. >While jenny was clubbing and w------ herself out for drugs, forrest started up a wildly successfull shrimpcatching operation in honor of the promise he made to his dead friend, naming his boat after her >While jenny came crawling back to him, only to leave him again without even saying goodbye, forrest was spending time with his sick mother, and spending his fortunes helping his community and building hospitals. >While jenny was hoeing around and getting kids out of wedlock with her aids-ridden p----, forrest was running around the world to deal with the fact that he might never see her again, becoming famous, again, and inspiring a whole new movement. >Then, after not seeing him for over 3 years, hiding his kid from after all that time, he's still loyal to her. >Knowing she now truly has nowhere to go she agrees to marry him so her kid doesn't grow up in poverty. And supposedly SHE was too good for HIM because supposedly HE was the stupid one who didn't know what love was? He was stupid, for not realizing there's better women out there. Forrest was loyal to the end, Jenny never deserved him.

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Anon likes an aspie | /r/Greentext

File: 1620470867693.png (440 KB, 891x1280) O Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)20:33:41 No.63578361 >>63578389 >>63578402 >>63578410 >>63578414 >>63578415 >>63578448 >>63578473 >>63578475 >>63578578 >>63578618 >>63578812 >really into this aspie nerd guy >keep rubbing up against him >smiling at him >touching his arm RUB >he still can't take the hint am I going to have to bend over in front of him naked what the f--- Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)20:35:32 No.63578388 >>63578398 >>63578592 >>63578625 If he's anything like me we will get the hint after you have moved on. Robot males are f------ lost.
File: 1620470867693.png (440 KB, 891x1280) O Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)20:33:41 No.63578361 >>63578389 >>63578402 >>63578410 >>63578414 >>63578415 >>63578448 >>63578473 >>63578475 >>63578578 >>63578618 >>63578812 >really into this aspie nerd guy >keep rubbing up against him >smiling at him >touching his arm RUB >he still can't take the hint am I going to have to bend over in front of him naked what the f--- Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)20:35:32 No.63578388 >>63578398 >>63578592 >>63578625 If he's anything like me we will get the hint after you have moved on. Robot males are f------ lost.

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Anon watches American Psycho | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Favorite movie lines 10/04/20(Sun)15:07:39 No.140245384 161AA42A-EDA1-4FOD-832B-B18023B797D1.jpg 50 KB JPG >Patrick, it's you!! You're the American Psycho?!!" : Anonymous 10/04/20(Sun)15:08:00 No.140245402 >>140245384 (OP) # He didn't say that. >>140245447 # >>140245550 # >>140245578 # >>140245615 # >>140247082 # >>140247322 # >>140247340 # >>140248981 # >>140250088 # >>140250383 # >>140251549 # >>140251745 #
: Anonymous Favorite movie lines 10/04/20(Sun)15:07:39 No.140245384 161AA42A-EDA1-4FOD-832B-B18023B797D1.jpg 50 KB JPG >Patrick, it's you!! You're the American Psycho?!!" : Anonymous 10/04/20(Sun)15:08:00 No.140245402 >>140245384 (OP) # He didn't say that. >>140245447 # >>140245550 # >>140245578 # >>140245615 # >>140247082 # >>140247322 # >>140247340 # >>140248981 # >>140250088 # >>140250383 # >>140251549 # >>140251745 #

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