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Anon burns down a house for Christmas | /r/Greentext

8 onymous 12/25/23(Mon)15:39:04 No.75887007 39 KB JPG >Live in state where you can buy fireworks all year >Buy them for Christmas >Everyone gets a cool one even the kids >Dumbass kid light one of the cake style fireworks >Chain reaction and it lights the others in the room >House burns down >No one dies but I am in trouble for buying everyone fireworks Are my grandparents over reacting? It was my sisters dumb kid that burned the house down not me. I think fireworks are badass for a Christmas present why am I the bad guy
8 onymous 12/25/23(Mon)15:39:04 No.75887007 39 KB JPG >Live in state where you can buy fireworks all year >Buy them for Christmas >Everyone gets a cool one even the kids >Dumbass kid light one of the cake style fireworks >Chain reaction and it lights the others in the room >House burns down >No one dies but I am in trouble for buying everyone fireworks Are my grandparents over reacting? It was my sisters dumb kid that burned the house down not me. I think fireworks are badass for a Christmas present why am I the bad guy

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Ups and Downs | /r/Greentext

A ymous 24 KB JPG 12/25/23(Mon)10:00:21 No.75882928 >8 years ago >literally mocked even in fringe internet circles for his opinions in this video to the point where everything he says was mocked as completely ridiculous >current day >describes entry level zoomer tiktok blackpill theory
A ymous 24 KB JPG 12/25/23(Mon)10:00:21 No.75882928 >8 years ago >literally mocked even in fringe internet circles for his opinions in this video to the point where everything he says was mocked as completely ridiculous >current day >describes entry level zoomer tiktok blackpill theory

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Motivation | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/25/22(Tue)00:15:11 No.70720918 >be me a month or so ago >relatively antisocial, skinny loser >find out about Devil May Cry >immediately become obsessed with Vergil 84 KB JPG >start doing impressions of him and randomly doing quotes >eventually get inspired to go to the gym to get fit like Vergil >end up going every day, feel actual muscle coming in >say "I NEED MORE POWER" in Vergil impression before every set >every time I felt the need to procrastinate work, I would imagine Vergil asking me where my motivation is >end up getting everything done on time despite being lazy >take better care of myself, get a haircut and style it to look like Vergil >dress nicer because I convinced myself it's something Vergil would do >quit fapping because Vergil would want me to >end up becoming more social and confident, get way more friends >tfw somehow autistically LARPing as Vergil improved my life Why haven't you taken the Vergil pill yet anon?
Anonymous 10/25/22(Tue)00:15:11 No.70720918 >be me a month or so ago >relatively antisocial, skinny loser >find out about Devil May Cry >immediately become obsessed with Vergil 84 KB JPG >start doing impressions of him and randomly doing quotes >eventually get inspired to go to the gym to get fit like Vergil >end up going every day, feel actual muscle coming in >say "I NEED MORE POWER" in Vergil impression before every set >every time I felt the need to procrastinate work, I would imagine Vergil asking me where my motivation is >end up getting everything done on time despite being lazy >take better care of myself, get a haircut and style it to look like Vergil >dress nicer because I convinced myself it's something Vergil would do >quit fapping because Vergil would want me to >end up becoming more social and confident, get way more friends >tfw somehow autistically LARPing as Vergil improved my life Why haven't you taken the Vergil pill yet anon?

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Queue the greatest greentext story of all time. | /r/Greentext

> Look around.no TP. Anywhere. > Stranded on the 1st floor of his house without a single square. > Too awkward to yell for help > Look around for alternative wipe ammo > 2 things: > His dad's new car mag > And his mom's bible Anonymous (ID: KIW6Mmp2) 02/10/13(Sun)15:00:31 No.457541705 Replies: >>457542424 >>457543712 >>457545796 >>457567096 > Faced with an ultimatum > Dad's huge, loves cars, and prone to aggressiveness > Mom's a sweet lady, very small and soft-spoken, would feel heavy bad if I did that to her > Dad could kick my ass > Also, doesn't give a damn about religion > After 3rd round, I sat for another 20 min just to make sure everything was out > By now my friend is outside the door asking if I'm OK > Just say I'll be out in a few, just passing some used burritos > Clean myself up for the 4th and final time > I rip a few pages from the middle of the old testament > Christians don't read that s--- > By now, about 1/4 of the old testament was noticeably gone > Toilet has more in it than his plumbing can handle > Paper is thin, getting lots of papercuts in my ass crack > 10 pages later, I'm clean > Pulling up pants when a seond wave hit > Don't even have time to flush toilet > Poo lasagna mode engaged > After 3rd round, I sat for another 20 min just to make sure everything was out > By now my friend is outside the door asking if I'm OK > Just say I'll be out in a few, just passing some used burritos > Clean myself up for the 4th and final time > By now, about 1/4 of the old testament was noticeably gone > Toilet has more in it than his plumbing can handle > Have to act fast, he's outside the door > Tried plunging, but there's too much paper > This time I make sure there's some antibacterial soap by the sink > Hands can be washed > Roll up sleeves and reach into toilet to start hand-pulping the solid mass > as I'm on my knees processing the Purina Romney Chow. > I notice the full roll of toilet paper that was sitting on the toilet backing the whole time > wtfdidijustdo.jpg > flush toilet with elbow, starts over flowing > half-pages of old testament smeared with s--- scattering across the floor > rip the lid off the tower desperately trying to unstick the cheap-ass plumbing > tank empties and something I did f----- it up > Toilet starts making really loud gurgly chainsaw sound > Friend starts pounding on door yelling, what am i doing > Over the span of 40 seconds, the sound gets louder and deeper > turns into a grinding sound wearing down, then stops > whole time in shock with my s--- covered hands on my forehead > friend kicks down door, yelling. > Stops mid sentence, staring at me > I'm wide eyed, smeared with s--- on my face and hands > there's some on my jeans > heavily brown tinted water and soggy pages of old testament coating the floor mom's bible sitting forgotten on floor, soaked with s--- water > By now, I hear his parent's footsteps coming down the hall > Friend is standing there staring, doesn't know what to do > His mom comes in, shocked, starts tearing up and whimpering a bit > "My grandmother gave me that bible a month before she died of cancer". > His dad comes in a few seconds later > Shocked, but sees the bible pages and starts laughing Starts walking away, still laughing He screams at the end of the hall way "Anon, you are are F-----" > > Friend's mom starts wailing and crying "Why did we do that any > "Why did you do that, anon?" om > Over and over, hysterical > I start crying too, but I look like a p----- off baboon when I cry CON Obe > She thinks I'm sneering at her and walks away crying harder Cracking >I hear his dad cracking a beer in the kitchen > I turn to friend and say "look, I can--" > Punched me in the face, cheekbone stinging > Grabs me by the hood of my jacket and forces me out of his house > See his mom bawling and picking up a phone as we pass > Out on street, a mile from my house, no ride, covered in s--- and paper > I start walking back to my house > 30 min later, a lady stops and asks if I need a ride, I get in > Lady starts driving > Get self conscious about the s--- drying on me > She's making small talk A minute later hells the s--- stank and looks at me > She pulls over to the side hard, my head hits the window >She She starts screaming at me in Chinese, gesturing for me to get out > Yeah, she was asian, but she had perfect new englad accent, surprised the s--- out of me Got > Get out of car fat > Later, fat guy in a pickup truck asked where I was going > Offered to let me hop in the cargo bed Cat h--- > Get ride home > Sneak past parents and take shower > Try to call friend over and over to explain myself, no answer > 4th try, my friend answered and screamed at me to stop, then hung up > Over next week, I notice neighbors and classmates looking at me a lot > Start hearing "mom hater", "satan boy" and "Ass Testament" behind my back > Nicknames spread through school like wild fire > Younger kids I've never talked to and barely ever looked at coming up to me and saying them to my face > One of my closest female friends who is christian got distant and eventually stopped talking with me Story gets to the teachers, a few days later I get called into principal's office > Superintendant is there > Fast forward to bootcamp > It's alright at first > Mom starts acting weird around me > More tense, looks at me a lot > Feels like she thinks she doesn't know me > Dad thinks I'm just being deviant and I need strict structure and reform > 2 hours later, he's on the phone with and army recruiter, volunteering me for boot camp > First couple days were sore but a few days in, my body starts going with it > One day, I get a package from some anon's at my old school > It was a stack of pictures of me, photoshopped to look like I was wiping my ass with a bible > On the back of each picture there's a nickname O Talle Tells me they're expelling me for "gross ridicule of religious beliefs" Mom and dad find out Overly cu curious guy comes over and takes them from me A few minutes later whole barracks is sharing the pictures and laughing their asses off A couple of them even found out my friend's email and asked for the story > Later, I notice one f the other guys looking at me a lot notice one > I find out he comes from an ultra-conservative family and he hates me for what I did > >He bumps into me later and I try to make small talk f--- > f--- no.jpg > When no one else was listening, he told me that if we were ever in combat, he would shoot me and say it was arabs > Start noticing the drill seargents singling me out > One day we start training with live ammo > Day of training with live ammo, go to bathroom in the morning > Barely notice everyone is watching me > On toilet, realize that all the paper's been removed, and there's nothing in the room except for a bible > Start yelling, get laughter in response > everyone goes to training, leaves me there > I start ripping pages from that m----------- and wiping like no tomorrow > Paper cuts make my anus bleed > Blood starts dripping everywhere, can't put on uniform without staining it > Rip out a stack of pages and roll them up, put it in my crack like a hotdog in a bun > Ripped > Wear it under uniform > Audibly crinkly. but I'm going to be late for training > Hope we're shooting again > Turns out to be marching in formation before weapons training > 10 minutes in the drill sergeant notices the sound > Throat closes, can't answer >Throat clos > Drill sargeant makes us stop and asks who is reading the paper > The guys start looking at me > Drill sergeant makes me jog in place > Loud crinkling > Asks what the hell that sound is >Ordom me > Orders me to drop my pants > King James Diaper exposed to the world > He swears low, and tells me to run 200 laps around the boot camp > No choice, do it > Half an hour later, I'm running through the less visible wooded side of the camp >None other than mr. Jesus Avenger, who said he would kill me if he could get away with it, pops out from behind a bush > He's got a bottle of jack daniels in one hand and a handgun in another > Smacks me in the face with the bottle and shoots me in the foot > Pours bottle over my face and in my mouth while I was screaming > Runs away > Drill Sergeant comes looking for me > Incident gets logged and investigated > Turns out Jesus boy fed them a b------- story > Said I've been harassing him about his religion > and mocking him by defacing his bible > I get discharged for religious intolerance, drinking, and recklessness > Found out later he only got a formal warning about going AWOL in the army > Move back in with parents > Dad's disappointed in me and mom won't talk to me Start nutti > Start putting out job applications > My name and story have spread, and no business around town wanted anything to do with me > A month later, dad thinks I'm a bum and haven't been looking for a job > Kicks me out > Homeless, I start drifting. > This was probably the worst point in my life, but it gets better from here > Become a vagrant for 2 years > Dehumanizing and disgusting at first > Got food from homeless programs during the day > Went drifter and started going town to town on foot > Eventually, digging through garbage when I got hungry at night > First winter, I met and became friends with 2 other drifters > > They're names were Bub and Shaky. > He's called Shaky because he drank so much it f----- his motor functions > Bub's girlfriend died of a heroin overdose 3 months before Mot thim > Met them under a bridge on the outside of town > We traveled together and kept each other company > Wake up in the middle of the night once to a weird sound > A month later, they tried to kill me > Saw they were sucking each other's d---- > notonetojudge.jpg > Go back to sleep I want > Wants > F--- >Bub, Shaky and I were walking through a town one day > See a $50.00 bill > We're d out some more pages and fashioned myself a makeshift King James diaper out som > A cop to you, F--- you, f > Bub comes at out of f--- > out of f------ nowhere thing nowners > He stabs me twice in the leg, grabs the money pale > Dirty ass pals run Uity ass away > Never see them again > 3 days later get a fever from infection > Collapse on somebody's stoop for a few hours > Pus from the wounds seeping through my torn dirty jeans > Try > Cop comes > Yells "get moving" >Throws me forward, I grab my leg in pain He takes me to > Wounds are open and bleeding again > Cop finally sees my condition the homeless shelter the next town over Doesn't say a word to me the whole way > At shelter, a cute redhead comes in with a first aid kit and a box of gloves She seemed > First time being treated Gives me me > Tells me I all thinking "booze!" Jim Beam, but shaky's an alcoholic go Sprout boner, throbbing in pants She sees, vague look of disgust flashes over her face > I feel bad and apologize She laughs Wandering Roads Found > Says > Fast forward a f a Offer you Offer pulls stand > It's freezing up to She asks Talle Tells me I found it much cheap 6.00 vodka as 50 can get > So much for being treated like human > After a couple days the wounds start to heal Shelter gives the boot, and I get back to drifting and it's winter more urban town, it's 1:00 AM Thanks > She's not >A > winter jacket just my size in a goodwill donation bin > Walking along. I see a lady on a corner > I know she's a h-----, but she's barely wearing anything > Drops > Says Says > > it Gives I GTFO When I up and tells me to keep walking up, leg hurts too much over and yanks me to my feet are empty a >A week > I T a a tube won't little worn, > > > > I said good I go up One sees and > if me with a half pair of scissors to > > nervously get I dropped her > I stayed and made small talk with her > keep her mind off the cold > They >I roll over, > He pulls to four to > Around 3 AM a dirty Pontiac pulls up > Heavy set > Her name Nobody Picks Grabs me my jacket, she she can't cover > > > Told me True anon stories > Greentexted through a new, > Gives me the thousand yard stare and asks > I say no, he tells me to f--- off > As I walk away, he starts smacking >Throws her in the car > Wonder about her all day > Sleep in vacant ally > The next night, She had a black The I - Sha a black > first, I never saw > Me, 17. > At friend's house, playing video games and hanging out > Have to s--- really bad > It's taco bell s----. > The kind that are really greasy, and takes forever to wipe > Like, 16 ft. of TP and leaving streaks the whole way through > Say BRB and hit the bathroom > Start releasing the colon-ctuhlhu a fraction of a sec before my ass ham-slapped the toilet seat > Sweet relief. > Reach for TP, saw roll was all used up. upbeat and genuinely sorry about my wounds see Sam's I duck into an > > I hear several to if I got cash and > Cautious at says > I tell her I'm passing through > Sit behind a box in the alley behind >We talk all night, between customers > Almost 3, she tells me to lost > I take off > Sam pinned me against the > Asked calmly who I was I'm anon, just > drifter > Try to tell him only > He's got 2 guys with him, > There is non out, she's shivering and say Passenger with I hit the ground After a while, hi - no f--- off, sounds tired me anyways all that skanky looking but there was still a spark of dignity. few months Walking over Halfway across Gives me a Didn't trust Naturally, I accepted Told me I I told him I would me folded We It goes on like this for almost > We form a bond, we're friends > The drifter and > She jokes the h----- that there should be a kids show based on us > One day Sam came rolling up in later Taught How to Once of topical antibiotic get me high and is only worth a couple bucks latin guy was Denise the d > He figures I'm not scoring free poon, I'm too filthy me, kicks tells me f--- off I'm tainting he'll shoot me in on Denise >Lights a c--------, and > Eyes locked whole time > Finally > "Denise > don't go che loo Turns out Among Told him was > My mind s---- itself a > Hell yes those I > > Strange, > Time > I see bye her as the window he'd a I'm > Turns out > Hector tells I think bridge and treats my wounds A fox I followed looks like a human by a female in a long time do it napkin eye, she and walked aga again I'm on the pontiac alley, people up on and smiles he says something is the she else around me up by collar, by came back to address I try to run, but get Car stops, asian a guy gets through the envelope catch up and Sam's staring at out a gun and sits on a crate catches his at the wheel, screams for Denise made up claims the me, pulls out a gun out over the bridge if me how craft my around tackle to to the indian, me > He's full Navajo > Asks if I want > We spent Say yes, free the > At first, I took at me strange for a few seconds me, and the product he sees me the next night away the job only reason I'm pot next him driving and me > There's a human > walk the > In the temple >My mind indian he are river, get bubble wrap manilla his guys to not get shot kill me them was counting Sam will cut bullet in the out Being high on peyote soothing space friends with Denise they search me for swindled money a and a temple made tapped he stops the behind me, running beetle is rushing at me pointed out the they drive past, then I lost with an address I stop pull Window rolls down hand 4 him the package and walk away A few blocks down, I hear yelling and tires burning out Turn around, a that comer month edge of the urban side of town eating a can of tuna towards me this he's making and wants to join him mystic on there's 2 chinese > And a f------ >I try to get up, tells > I lay back down and fall asleep > A later, few seconds he's shaking > Tells me it's dangerous to bunch "expert wall and pointed a gun at me all the time, little bit when on the but it rips the neck and shoots me twice was sounds > Forgot my revelation > The next day, we reach downstream, to stay afloat lost of standing her before me me, breathing real heavy the high was until of my cual his pontiac a few hours early to on the spot if I refused her with it he'd kill Denise and "Yellow Beatle" gonna hide the beatle reappears leg to not killing you today" of s--- to not get me killed smuggler looking for work I'm that sneaky I want to make 2 grand it to the to take there again window tuck floating > I remember > Trying desperately I got really tired and weak, > Last thing > I saw was a dot > Wake up. in a brown fleece next to a > I stand up. are hanging from a stick, > I'm covered My worn clothes > There's a pair of damp moccasins by the fire, drying I look around in a daze. I hear the river rushing a few yards away a > > There's a f------ teepee pitched under an oak tree of it, smoking pot get warm or I'll die me to lay made moved folder balding a breath out of eyes shoulder blanket for only 20 seconds 6 months walking for a guy and and she was bills on the sly us both up if he sees me again he car out of sight Sam comes around outside and an ocean much go to sleep in a midlife to hunt and fish, and own clothes and supplies we got the desert regions, he taught the He came from a U.S. background, but One day, we found a peyote plant if I wanted He was really happy, and asked Bastard got all me and told me I > In the moment, I agree with out until light onshore, out of the in down feeling in my arms ahead spiritual and guys sitting in a beatle middle of later the reserve if I'm a customer asking who I was asks me if into the wilderness flanking the urbanized town right me awake salary aged guy journey on meet his relatives in a reserve the stomach told that cold figure same and there was a roll of toilet paper went into this weird, highly perceptive loop > of clarity in the > I realize in this moment the strange nature of life Weird moment insanity forming all > A spiral of events, spurred by a single insane > This is f------ I'm doing peyote in the desert the hell happened > > What > The rest of town, a side road I know they're gone to Arizona. crisis, but keep myself from the me how he's definitely me the most surreal thing I've ever experience all around keep rearranging themselves then ran inside turned classes > When and got the we first arrived He was looking forward to nature > There was > Navajo artwork, food, > but reconciled He was a bit disappointed, > Tells me "if you're going to nice chase your dreams, > The people are > Let us > Let us stay > Eventually I get a job in a nearby > Started taking community A+ certification > Get a job with a tech firm, college > Studying on call fly guy introduced full affect of the and mysticism. and stories, but 26,000 blurred images on water standing next to me same out there with foot a and legs bumping against rocks as a drug-addict native american because of TP and colors a written on it missed roll of toilet paper online roaring fire drying clean fat the spiritual would find my spirit guide looks reserve, we got funny a scruffy white fade once we ourselves to a group of elders outside a trailer > ving trailers throughout the reserve > They let us > When we walked into the > Half-native outsider with > Apprehension begins to It's sunset, there's a cool breeze > There's a smattering of Hogans and decorated stay, if we told our stories > Hector told his, he was a technician in a medium town yearning for > I told my story, and they laughed the night > Then the next night > Nights turn to weeks, to months > It's weird being accepted after all this his roots > We stayed center land you we we >During at and subsuquent my stay the reserve > Her name's Marissa > Save money, decide it's time > I donate a few thousand to the reserve as a thank you back to leave > Get airline ticket to Plan surprise > Look > Clear > Looking forward to seeing my parents > Planning visit out window, watching the country Remember on how I walked across the > Not mad about anything and amazed at how things sky > back > Happy pot and glasses, is named Hector. to Arizona The queue of around in traveled, we bonded the wilderness land the to survive like a navajo done his research for IT by below me at me for a few seconds awakening from his people reserve, I don't reserve had cable other side of town me have to be my hometown, where Marissa and I had an apartment and jobs lined up year starting success, I caught the interest of a native girl my age think it was entirely what Hector was expecting has modernized TV, internet, and job > Settling into apartment > I'm clean and wearing a suit cut > Go back to my parent's old house the door, looks > Faints > My dad couldn't even believe I was really there Dad > Mom answers > When she came to, she started crying and hugging and kissing me I've ever seen him do that he had a change of heart life > Dad sheds tears - first time in my > A million apologies and excuses he kicked me > Said that a few days after out at work > Couldn't find me > 2 years later, thought I was dead > One of the happiest moments of my life > Had another moment of happiness 3 weeks later > Three weeks later, at work, working name attached to one > The name of old friend, the one who's house this started in I replace the RAM, and boot it up > Proxy string a bunch of CP, beast nasty depravities onto his HDD I'm of > Notice the machine labeled "Bad RAM" is my > and other Qu > Hide the folder, power down, repackage ride the > Later, I do some research minister of a local church > Evil smile > Place a phone call them of his and find he's now to the authorities, informing > Next day, mug shot is in the paper > Find out he's going to prison, excommunicated from church, and his wife and kids are leaving him > Kids going child psychologist to see if he touched them > His life falls to s--- He never finds out who did it to him, witness to > protection > The vicious nature of life comes full circle, bitch. END. PC repairs what a and plumbing bit ready for disappointment" I found
> Look around.no TP. Anywhere. > Stranded on the 1st floor of his house without a single square. > Too awkward to yell for help > Look around for alternative wipe ammo > 2 things: > His dad's new car mag > And his mom's bible Anonymous (ID: KIW6Mmp2) 02/10/13(Sun)15:00:31 No.457541705 Replies: >>457542424 >>457543712 >>457545796 >>457567096 > Faced with an ultimatum > Dad's huge, loves cars, and prone to aggressiveness > Mom's a sweet lady, very small and soft-spoken, would feel heavy bad if I did that to her > Dad could kick my ass > Also, doesn't give a damn about religion > After 3rd round, I sat for another 20 min just to make sure everything was out > By now my friend is outside the door asking if I'm OK > Just say I'll be out in a few, just passing some used burritos > Clean myself up for the 4th and final time > I rip a few pages from the middle of the old testament > Christians don't read that s--- > By now, about 1/4 of the old testament was noticeably gone > Toilet has more in it than his plumbing can handle > Paper is thin, getting lots of papercuts in my ass crack > 10 pages later, I'm clean > Pulling up pants when a seond wave hit > Don't even have time to flush toilet > Poo lasagna mode engaged > After 3rd round, I sat for another 20 min just to make sure everything was out > By now my friend is outside the door asking if I'm OK > Just say I'll be out in a few, just passing some used burritos > Clean myself up for the 4th and final time > By now, about 1/4 of the old testament was noticeably gone > Toilet has more in it than his plumbing can handle > Have to act fast, he's outside the door > Tried plunging, but there's too much paper > This time I make sure there's some antibacterial soap by the sink > Hands can be washed > Roll up sleeves and reach into toilet to start hand-pulping the solid mass > as I'm on my knees processing the Purina Romney Chow. > I notice the full roll of toilet paper that was sitting on the toilet backing the whole time > wtfdidijustdo.jpg > flush toilet with elbow, starts over flowing > half-pages of old testament smeared with s--- scattering across the floor > rip the lid off the tower desperately trying to unstick the cheap-ass plumbing > tank empties and something I did f----- it up > Toilet starts making really loud gurgly chainsaw sound > Friend starts pounding on door yelling, what am i doing > Over the span of 40 seconds, the sound gets louder and deeper > turns into a grinding sound wearing down, then stops > whole time in shock with my s--- covered hands on my forehead > friend kicks down door, yelling. > Stops mid sentence, staring at me > I'm wide eyed, smeared with s--- on my face and hands > there's some on my jeans > heavily brown tinted water and soggy pages of old testament coating the floor mom's bible sitting forgotten on floor, soaked with s--- water > By now, I hear his parent's footsteps coming down the hall > Friend is standing there staring, doesn't know what to do > His mom comes in, shocked, starts tearing up and whimpering a bit > "My grandmother gave me that bible a month before she died of cancer". > His dad comes in a few seconds later > Shocked, but sees the bible pages and starts laughing Starts walking away, still laughing He screams at the end of the hall way "Anon, you are are F-----" > > Friend's mom starts wailing and crying "Why did we do that any > "Why did you do that, anon?" om > Over and over, hysterical > I start crying too, but I look like a p----- off baboon when I cry CON Obe > She thinks I'm sneering at her and walks away crying harder Cracking >I hear his dad cracking a beer in the kitchen > I turn to friend and say "look, I can--" > Punched me in the face, cheekbone stinging > Grabs me by the hood of my jacket and forces me out of his house > See his mom bawling and picking up a phone as we pass > Out on street, a mile from my house, no ride, covered in s--- and paper > I start walking back to my house > 30 min later, a lady stops and asks if I need a ride, I get in > Lady starts driving > Get self conscious about the s--- drying on me > She's making small talk A minute later hells the s--- stank and looks at me > She pulls over to the side hard, my head hits the window >She She starts screaming at me in Chinese, gesturing for me to get out > Yeah, she was asian, but she had perfect new englad accent, surprised the s--- out of me Got > Get out of car fat > Later, fat guy in a pickup truck asked where I was going > Offered to let me hop in the cargo bed Cat h--- > Get ride home > Sneak past parents and take shower > Try to call friend over and over to explain myself, no answer > 4th try, my friend answered and screamed at me to stop, then hung up > Over next week, I notice neighbors and classmates looking at me a lot > Start hearing "mom hater", "satan boy" and "Ass Testament" behind my back > Nicknames spread through school like wild fire > Younger kids I've never talked to and barely ever looked at coming up to me and saying them to my face > One of my closest female friends who is christian got distant and eventually stopped talking with me Story gets to the teachers, a few days later I get called into principal's office > Superintendant is there > Fast forward to bootcamp > It's alright at first > Mom starts acting weird around me > More tense, looks at me a lot > Feels like she thinks she doesn't know me > Dad thinks I'm just being deviant and I need strict structure and reform > 2 hours later, he's on the phone with and army recruiter, volunteering me for boot camp > First couple days were sore but a few days in, my body starts going with it > One day, I get a package from some anon's at my old school > It was a stack of pictures of me, photoshopped to look like I was wiping my ass with a bible > On the back of each picture there's a nickname O Talle Tells me they're expelling me for "gross ridicule of religious beliefs" Mom and dad find out Overly cu curious guy comes over and takes them from me A few minutes later whole barracks is sharing the pictures and laughing their asses off A couple of them even found out my friend's email and asked for the story > Later, I notice one f the other guys looking at me a lot notice one > I find out he comes from an ultra-conservative family and he hates me for what I did > >He bumps into me later and I try to make small talk f--- > f--- no.jpg > When no one else was listening, he told me that if we were ever in combat, he would shoot me and say it was arabs > Start noticing the drill seargents singling me out > One day we start training with live ammo > Day of training with live ammo, go to bathroom in the morning > Barely notice everyone is watching me > On toilet, realize that all the paper's been removed, and there's nothing in the room except for a bible > Start yelling, get laughter in response > everyone goes to training, leaves me there > I start ripping pages from that m----------- and wiping like no tomorrow > Paper cuts make my anus bleed > Blood starts dripping everywhere, can't put on uniform without staining it > Rip out a stack of pages and roll them up, put it in my crack like a hotdog in a bun > Ripped > Wear it under uniform > Audibly crinkly. but I'm going to be late for training > Hope we're shooting again > Turns out to be marching in formation before weapons training > 10 minutes in the drill sergeant notices the sound > Throat closes, can't answer >Throat clos > Drill sargeant makes us stop and asks who is reading the paper > The guys start looking at me > Drill sergeant makes me jog in place > Loud crinkling > Asks what the hell that sound is >Ordom me > Orders me to drop my pants > King James Diaper exposed to the world > He swears low, and tells me to run 200 laps around the boot camp > No choice, do it > Half an hour later, I'm running through the less visible wooded side of the camp >None other than mr. Jesus Avenger, who said he would kill me if he could get away with it, pops out from behind a bush > He's got a bottle of jack daniels in one hand and a handgun in another > Smacks me in the face with the bottle and shoots me in the foot > Pours bottle over my face and in my mouth while I was screaming > Runs away > Drill Sergeant comes looking for me > Incident gets logged and investigated > Turns out Jesus boy fed them a b------- story > Said I've been harassing him about his religion > and mocking him by defacing his bible > I get discharged for religious intolerance, drinking, and recklessness > Found out later he only got a formal warning about going AWOL in the army > Move back in with parents > Dad's disappointed in me and mom won't talk to me Start nutti > Start putting out job applications > My name and story have spread, and no business around town wanted anything to do with me > A month later, dad thinks I'm a bum and haven't been looking for a job > Kicks me out > Homeless, I start drifting. > This was probably the worst point in my life, but it gets better from here > Become a vagrant for 2 years > Dehumanizing and disgusting at first > Got food from homeless programs during the day > Went drifter and started going town to town on foot > Eventually, digging through garbage when I got hungry at night > First winter, I met and became friends with 2 other drifters > > They're names were Bub and Shaky. > He's called Shaky because he drank so much it f----- his motor functions > Bub's girlfriend died of a heroin overdose 3 months before Mot thim > Met them under a bridge on the outside of town > We traveled together and kept each other company > Wake up in the middle of the night once to a weird sound > A month later, they tried to kill me > Saw they were sucking each other's d---- > notonetojudge.jpg > Go back to sleep I want > Wants > F--- >Bub, Shaky and I were walking through a town one day > See a $50.00 bill > We're d out some more pages and fashioned myself a makeshift King James diaper out som > A cop to you, F--- you, f > Bub comes at out of f--- > out of f------ nowhere thing nowners > He stabs me twice in the leg, grabs the money pale > Dirty ass pals run Uity ass away > Never see them again > 3 days later get a fever from infection > Collapse on somebody's stoop for a few hours > Pus from the wounds seeping through my torn dirty jeans > Try > Cop comes > Yells "get moving" >Throws me forward, I grab my leg in pain He takes me to > Wounds are open and bleeding again > Cop finally sees my condition the homeless shelter the next town over Doesn't say a word to me the whole way > At shelter, a cute redhead comes in with a first aid kit and a box of gloves She seemed > First time being treated Gives me me > Tells me I all thinking "booze!" Jim Beam, but shaky's an alcoholic go Sprout boner, throbbing in pants She sees, vague look of disgust flashes over her face > I feel bad and apologize She laughs Wandering Roads Found > Says > Fast forward a f a Offer you Offer pulls stand > It's freezing up to She asks Talle Tells me I found it much cheap 6.00 vodka as 50 can get > So much for being treated like human > After a couple days the wounds start to heal Shelter gives the boot, and I get back to drifting and it's winter more urban town, it's 1:00 AM Thanks > She's not >A > winter jacket just my size in a goodwill donation bin > Walking along. I see a lady on a corner > I know she's a h-----, but she's barely wearing anything > Drops > Says Says > > it Gives I GTFO When I up and tells me to keep walking up, leg hurts too much over and yanks me to my feet are empty a >A week > I T a a tube won't little worn, > > > > I said good I go up One sees and > if me with a half pair of scissors to > > nervously get I dropped her > I stayed and made small talk with her > keep her mind off the cold > They >I roll over, > He pulls to four to > Around 3 AM a dirty Pontiac pulls up > Heavy set > Her name Nobody Picks Grabs me my jacket, she she can't cover > > > Told me True anon stories > Greentexted through a new, > Gives me the thousand yard stare and asks > I say no, he tells me to f--- off > As I walk away, he starts smacking >Throws her in the car > Wonder about her all day > Sleep in vacant ally > The next night, She had a black The I - Sha a black > first, I never saw > Me, 17. > At friend's house, playing video games and hanging out > Have to s--- really bad > It's taco bell s----. > The kind that are really greasy, and takes forever to wipe > Like, 16 ft. of TP and leaving streaks the whole way through > Say BRB and hit the bathroom > Start releasing the colon-ctuhlhu a fraction of a sec before my ass ham-slapped the toilet seat > Sweet relief. > Reach for TP, saw roll was all used up. upbeat and genuinely sorry about my wounds see Sam's I duck into an > > I hear several to if I got cash and > Cautious at says > I tell her I'm passing through > Sit behind a box in the alley behind >We talk all night, between customers > Almost 3, she tells me to lost > I take off > Sam pinned me against the > Asked calmly who I was I'm anon, just > drifter > Try to tell him only > He's got 2 guys with him, > There is non out, she's shivering and say Passenger with I hit the ground After a while, hi - no f--- off, sounds tired me anyways all that skanky looking but there was still a spark of dignity. few months Walking over Halfway across Gives me a Didn't trust Naturally, I accepted Told me I I told him I would me folded We It goes on like this for almost > We form a bond, we're friends > The drifter and > She jokes the h----- that there should be a kids show based on us > One day Sam came rolling up in later Taught How to Once of topical antibiotic get me high and is only worth a couple bucks latin guy was Denise the d > He figures I'm not scoring free poon, I'm too filthy me, kicks tells me f--- off I'm tainting he'll shoot me in on Denise >Lights a c--------, and > Eyes locked whole time > Finally > "Denise > don't go che loo Turns out Among Told him was > My mind s---- itself a > Hell yes those I > > Strange, > Time > I see bye her as the window he'd a I'm > Turns out > Hector tells I think bridge and treats my wounds A fox I followed looks like a human by a female in a long time do it napkin eye, she and walked aga again I'm on the pontiac alley, people up on and smiles he says something is the she else around me up by collar, by came back to address I try to run, but get Car stops, asian a guy gets through the envelope catch up and Sam's staring at out a gun and sits on a crate catches his at the wheel, screams for Denise made up claims the me, pulls out a gun out over the bridge if me how craft my around tackle to to the indian, me > He's full Navajo > Asks if I want > We spent Say yes, free the > At first, I took at me strange for a few seconds me, and the product he sees me the next night away the job only reason I'm pot next him driving and me > There's a human > walk the > In the temple >My mind indian he are river, get bubble wrap manilla his guys to not get shot kill me them was counting Sam will cut bullet in the out Being high on peyote soothing space friends with Denise they search me for swindled money a and a temple made tapped he stops the behind me, running beetle is rushing at me pointed out the they drive past, then I lost with an address I stop pull Window rolls down hand 4 him the package and walk away A few blocks down, I hear yelling and tires burning out Turn around, a that comer month edge of the urban side of town eating a can of tuna towards me this he's making and wants to join him mystic on there's 2 chinese > And a f------ >I try to get up, tells > I lay back down and fall asleep > A later, few seconds he's shaking > Tells me it's dangerous to bunch "expert wall and pointed a gun at me all the time, little bit when on the but it rips the neck and shoots me twice was sounds > Forgot my revelation > The next day, we reach downstream, to stay afloat lost of standing her before me me, breathing real heavy the high was until of my cual his pontiac a few hours early to on the spot if I refused her with it he'd kill Denise and "Yellow Beatle" gonna hide the beatle reappears leg to not killing you today" of s--- to not get me killed smuggler looking for work I'm that sneaky I want to make 2 grand it to the to take there again window tuck floating > I remember > Trying desperately I got really tired and weak, > Last thing > I saw was a dot > Wake up. in a brown fleece next to a > I stand up. are hanging from a stick, > I'm covered My worn clothes > There's a pair of damp moccasins by the fire, drying I look around in a daze. I hear the river rushing a few yards away a > > There's a f------ teepee pitched under an oak tree of it, smoking pot get warm or I'll die me to lay made moved folder balding a breath out of eyes shoulder blanket for only 20 seconds 6 months walking for a guy and and she was bills on the sly us both up if he sees me again he car out of sight Sam comes around outside and an ocean much go to sleep in a midlife to hunt and fish, and own clothes and supplies we got the desert regions, he taught the He came from a U.S. background, but One day, we found a peyote plant if I wanted He was really happy, and asked Bastard got all me and told me I > In the moment, I agree with out until light onshore, out of the in down feeling in my arms ahead spiritual and guys sitting in a beatle middle of later the reserve if I'm a customer asking who I was asks me if into the wilderness flanking the urbanized town right me awake salary aged guy journey on meet his relatives in a reserve the stomach told that cold figure same and there was a roll of toilet paper went into this weird, highly perceptive loop > of clarity in the > I realize in this moment the strange nature of life Weird moment insanity forming all > A spiral of events, spurred by a single insane > This is f------ I'm doing peyote in the desert the hell happened > > What > The rest of town, a side road I know they're gone to Arizona. crisis, but keep myself from the me how he's definitely me the most surreal thing I've ever experience all around keep rearranging themselves then ran inside turned classes > When and got the we first arrived He was looking forward to nature > There was > Navajo artwork, food, > but reconciled He was a bit disappointed, > Tells me "if you're going to nice chase your dreams, > The people are > Let us > Let us stay > Eventually I get a job in a nearby > Started taking community A+ certification > Get a job with a tech firm, college > Studying on call fly guy introduced full affect of the and mysticism. and stories, but 26,000 blurred images on water standing next to me same out there with foot a and legs bumping against rocks as a drug-addict native american because of TP and colors a written on it missed roll of toilet paper online roaring fire drying clean fat the spiritual would find my spirit guide looks reserve, we got funny a scruffy white fade once we ourselves to a group of elders outside a trailer > ving trailers throughout the reserve > They let us > When we walked into the > Half-native outsider with > Apprehension begins to It's sunset, there's a cool breeze > There's a smattering of Hogans and decorated stay, if we told our stories > Hector told his, he was a technician in a medium town yearning for > I told my story, and they laughed the night > Then the next night > Nights turn to weeks, to months > It's weird being accepted after all this his roots > We stayed center land you we we >During at and subsuquent my stay the reserve > Her name's Marissa > Save money, decide it's time > I donate a few thousand to the reserve as a thank you back to leave > Get airline ticket to Plan surprise > Look > Clear > Looking forward to seeing my parents > Planning visit out window, watching the country Remember on how I walked across the > Not mad about anything and amazed at how things sky > back > Happy pot and glasses, is named Hector. to Arizona The queue of around in traveled, we bonded the wilderness land the to survive like a navajo done his research for IT by below me at me for a few seconds awakening from his people reserve, I don't reserve had cable other side of town me have to be my hometown, where Marissa and I had an apartment and jobs lined up year starting success, I caught the interest of a native girl my age think it was entirely what Hector was expecting has modernized TV, internet, and job > Settling into apartment > I'm clean and wearing a suit cut > Go back to my parent's old house the door, looks > Faints > My dad couldn't even believe I was really there Dad > Mom answers > When she came to, she started crying and hugging and kissing me I've ever seen him do that he had a change of heart life > Dad sheds tears - first time in my > A million apologies and excuses he kicked me > Said that a few days after out at work > Couldn't find me > 2 years later, thought I was dead > One of the happiest moments of my life > Had another moment of happiness 3 weeks later > Three weeks later, at work, working name attached to one > The name of old friend, the one who's house this started in I replace the RAM, and boot it up > Proxy string a bunch of CP, beast nasty depravities onto his HDD I'm of > Notice the machine labeled "Bad RAM" is my > and other Qu > Hide the folder, power down, repackage ride the > Later, I do some research minister of a local church > Evil smile > Place a phone call them of his and find he's now to the authorities, informing > Next day, mug shot is in the paper > Find out he's going to prison, excommunicated from church, and his wife and kids are leaving him > Kids going child psychologist to see if he touched them > His life falls to s--- He never finds out who did it to him, witness to > protection > The vicious nature of life comes full circle, bitch. END. PC repairs what a and plumbing bit ready for disappointment" I found

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Anon gets banned form Walmart | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/10/22(Sun)09:16:49 No.69358173 >got banned from shopping at the Walmart in my town because I talked to an employee too many times and eventually offered her a foot rub 19 KB JPG F------ hell. I thought she liked me but she was just being nice. Then she reported me to the manager
: Anonymous 07/10/22(Sun)09:16:49 No.69358173 >got banned from shopping at the Walmart in my town because I talked to an employee too many times and eventually offered her a foot rub 19 KB JPG F------ hell. I thought she liked me but she was just being nice. Then she reported me to the manager

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Anon tries to help 4chinners | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 2023-12-25, 12:59:13 PM No.58409711 293 KB JPEG > Be me > Be alone on chrimas > Want people > Only have 4chin > Want to help 4chinners > What's going on fellas?
Anonymous 2023-12-25, 12:59:13 PM No.58409711 293 KB JPEG > Be me > Be alone on chrimas > Want people > Only have 4chin > Want to help 4chinners > What's going on fellas?

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Anon's mom hides his "girlfriend" | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/19/22 (Fri) 10:57:31 No.69873383 > be me > 28, live with mom > have Asuka bodypillow (this exact one) > have had her almost a decade > have slept with her every night, coom on her at least twice a day, wash her about once a month (in the 105 KB JPG bath with me) > mom has always hated her, tells me to get a "real gf" > tell her that if she hadn't been so overbearing and narcissistic when i was younger then maybe i would have had a healthy relationship with women > recently has been on my ass about getting a job > tell her i don't need one as i get disability > yesterday when i was doing chores she came into my room and took Asuka > tells me i can get her back when i get a job What do i do bros. I literally cannot find my Asuka anywhere. If my mom has thrown her out I swear by Allah I will behead her in the town square like the w---- she is.
Anonymous 08/19/22 (Fri) 10:57:31 No.69873383 > be me > 28, live with mom > have Asuka bodypillow (this exact one) > have had her almost a decade > have slept with her every night, coom on her at least twice a day, wash her about once a month (in the 105 KB JPG bath with me) > mom has always hated her, tells me to get a "real gf" > tell her that if she hadn't been so overbearing and narcissistic when i was younger then maybe i would have had a healthy relationship with women > recently has been on my ass about getting a job > tell her i don't need one as i get disability > yesterday when i was doing chores she came into my room and took Asuka > tells me i can get her back when i get a job What do i do bros. I literally cannot find my Asuka anywhere. If my mom has thrown her out I swear by Allah I will behead her in the town square like the w---- she is.

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muppet carols lalala | /r/Greentext

e: 17 38457767.png (706 KB, 1280x720) Anonymous 12/25/23(Mon)09:52:09 No.193744557 ► >>193744603 >>193744815 >>193744994 >walks outside to go to work >100 muppets have painstakingly rehearsed an entire song and dance number about how much everyone hates you >"THERE GOES MISTER P------------, THERE GOES MISTER F-------" You'd be bitter too.
e: 17 38457767.png (706 KB, 1280x720) Anonymous 12/25/23(Mon)09:52:09 No.193744557 ► >>193744603 >>193744815 >>193744994 >walks outside to go to work >100 muppets have painstakingly rehearsed an entire song and dance number about how much everyone hates you >"THERE GOES MISTER P------------, THERE GOES MISTER F-------" You'd be bitter too.

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Yearning for Touch | /r/Greentext

A W ymous on't fug. I'm horny. 32 KB PNG 12/25/23(Mon)04:39:52 No.911297879 >I'm tired >I just don't have a libido anymore >I'll give it to you once in awhile because I love you but I just can't today. >just go fap Who else is in the same boat right now? I'm getting priapisms. Because she won't take care of them. Fapping is boring and makes me feel depressed. Only when I coom in p--- do I feel better.
A W ymous on't fug. I'm horny. 32 KB PNG 12/25/23(Mon)04:39:52 No.911297879 >I'm tired >I just don't have a libido anymore >I'll give it to you once in awhile because I love you but I just can't today. >just go fap Who else is in the same boat right now? I'm getting priapisms. Because she won't take care of them. Fapping is boring and makes me feel depressed. Only when I coom in p--- do I feel better.

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Fa/tv/irgin describes the deep lore of Rebel Moon | /r/Greentext

>>193741348 # >Zack lore >these are the imperial troops from planet Imperius, the seat of the imperial empire >they are all dressed in imperial clothes and also have roman names >these are a rebel faction called the rebels, they come from a planet rebelia, that is currently rebelling against the empire >these are farmers from the farmlands of Farmia, they all look like farmers and they farm grain >this is a robot made for warfare, he is a roboticus mechanicus from the factories of factoria mechanica robotica, he is made for war but he doesn't want to fight, he also fights amazingly well and kills people in a cool way >this is a shirtless tarzano from the planet tarzania, he has long hair and is good with animals, here he tames a gryphon also from the planet tarzania which is also known in the old tongue as gryphonia, because it has gryphons, he's good at taming them
>>193741348 # >Zack lore >these are the imperial troops from planet Imperius, the seat of the imperial empire >they are all dressed in imperial clothes and also have roman names >these are a rebel faction called the rebels, they come from a planet rebelia, that is currently rebelling against the empire >these are farmers from the farmlands of Farmia, they all look like farmers and they farm grain >this is a robot made for warfare, he is a roboticus mechanicus from the factories of factoria mechanica robotica, he is made for war but he doesn't want to fight, he also fights amazingly well and kills people in a cool way >this is a shirtless tarzano from the planet tarzania, he has long hair and is good with animals, here he tames a gryphon also from the planet tarzania which is also known in the old tongue as gryphonia, because it has gryphons, he's good at taming them

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Festive Fatigue | /r/Greentext

A O ymous mas is exhausting 12/25/23(Mon)02:19:33 No.75880300 anyone else find Christmas extremely f------ exhausting or is it just my autism? >Work trip to Vermont where all my bosses are extreme christians so I have to constantly watch my mouth. 3 days of social rituals and drinking. >Going to dad's house with my gf he doesn't like because he hates everyone, all my stepfamily are there and its just endless drinking and trying to get me to drink when I dont want to. >Christmas dinner at gfs house and have to endure my gf's jewish parents ballbusting me. Feels more like an interrogation than a family meal. 1.93 MB PNG >Go to mom's which is actually fairly chill but her and my sister just get blackout drunk. I'm just so f------ tired at this point. I like the idea of being together but the social s--- is a real obligation and I dont understand the need to overeat s----- food and drink alcohol.
A O ymous mas is exhausting 12/25/23(Mon)02:19:33 No.75880300 anyone else find Christmas extremely f------ exhausting or is it just my autism? >Work trip to Vermont where all my bosses are extreme christians so I have to constantly watch my mouth. 3 days of social rituals and drinking. >Going to dad's house with my gf he doesn't like because he hates everyone, all my stepfamily are there and its just endless drinking and trying to get me to drink when I dont want to. >Christmas dinner at gfs house and have to endure my gf's jewish parents ballbusting me. Feels more like an interrogation than a family meal. 1.93 MB PNG >Go to mom's which is actually fairly chill but her and my sister just get blackout drunk. I'm just so f------ tired at this point. I like the idea of being together but the social s--- is a real obligation and I dont understand the need to overeat s----- food and drink alcohol.

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The Unfed Feast | /r/Greentext

A ymous 72 KB JPG 12/25/23(Mon)09:16:02 No.75882605 >christmas lunch >whole family is talking loudly cant even concentrate on eating >want to eat some turkey which is on the other side of the table >"can I get some turkey please" >everybody is talking further nobody listens >"guys please can I get some turkey" >nobody listens and they keep talking >sit there and don't eat anything
A ymous 72 KB JPG 12/25/23(Mon)09:16:02 No.75882605 >christmas lunch >whole family is talking loudly cant even concentrate on eating >want to eat some turkey which is on the other side of the table >"can I get some turkey please" >everybody is talking further nobody listens >"guys please can I get some turkey" >nobody listens and they keep talking >sit there and don't eat anything

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Anon is santa (stolen from comfychan.org) | /r/Greentext

/b/(hide threads from this board) File: 1703458535290.jpeg (36.82 KB, 400x560, 055A1E15-0864-40C3-AC16-0....jpeg) gm Anonymous 12/24/23 (Sun) 22:55:35 No.2300 [Reply] >be me, skinny cuz scared of calories >start drinking milk before bed to get strong bones >tasty >drink a bowl of nothing except milk before bed >life is good pic related
/b/(hide threads from this board) File: 1703458535290.jpeg (36.82 KB, 400x560, 055A1E15-0864-40C3-AC16-0....jpeg) gm Anonymous 12/24/23 (Sun) 22:55:35 No.2300 [Reply] >be me, skinny cuz scared of calories >start drinking milk before bed to get strong bones >tasty >drink a bowl of nothing except milk before bed >life is good pic related

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Measured Moments | /r/Greentext

A ymous (ID: v8L78COu)! 12/25/23(Mon)01:54:42 >handed gift from dad, he says grandma forgot to give it to me the other day. >fuckyeah.png >open it, it's a tape measure >huh No.19289157 116 KB JPG >just kinda look at it for a minute, pretty confused >turn it around, where i find a slip of paper >"[Anon], this belonged to Papa. He loved his tools; always buying tools and tape measures. Please accept this tape measure from your Papa Anon who passed away Dec. 2, 2021." >picrel f---, man.
A ymous (ID: v8L78COu)! 12/25/23(Mon)01:54:42 >handed gift from dad, he says grandma forgot to give it to me the other day. >fuckyeah.png >open it, it's a tape measure >huh No.19289157 116 KB JPG >just kinda look at it for a minute, pretty confused >turn it around, where i find a slip of paper >"[Anon], this belonged to Papa. He loved his tools; always buying tools and tape measures. Please accept this tape measure from your Papa Anon who passed away Dec. 2, 2021." >picrel f---, man.

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Anon gets saved my LARPers | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)01:34 No.14058910 >walking home from a party late one evening >several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by existing >try to walk faster, to no avail, as I'm drunk as s--- >catch me in some random student neighbourhood >oh s---, my ass is about to be beaten >still in talking phase >lights flick on in a house >three guys in full musketeer garb walk out >leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent >"What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and deliver!" >guys start yelling at them to f--- off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten >"Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!" >all three of them draw rapiers on their belts >guys run >"I know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale. stranger!" >spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics >bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there >blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it in a machine shop accident >stagger home completely drunk with a hat I had no idea people like that existed. Or had the money to rent a house.
Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)01:34 No.14058910 >walking home from a party late one evening >several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by existing >try to walk faster, to no avail, as I'm drunk as s--- >catch me in some random student neighbourhood >oh s---, my ass is about to be beaten >still in talking phase >lights flick on in a house >three guys in full musketeer garb walk out >leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent >"What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and deliver!" >guys start yelling at them to f--- off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten >"Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!" >all three of them draw rapiers on their belts >guys run >"I know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale. stranger!" >spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics >bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there >blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it in a machine shop accident >stagger home completely drunk with a hat I had no idea people like that existed. Or had the money to rent a house.

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Anon finds a plot hole in A Christmas Carol | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/22/23(Fri)10:19:16 No.22857923 842 KB JPG >failing high school english literature >parents get me tutor >told to read A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickins >book supposedly is a classical of literature >tutor says is about true meaning of christmas >read it and give tutor a presentation on book >start presentation >dude pretending to be ghost comes into Scrooge's bedroom every night >door conveniently always unlocked >holds Scrooge's hand and takes him to different parties >ghost randomly claims its the past, present or future >Scrooge wakes up each morning in bed feeling queasy >unsure if night before actually happened >clearly Scrooge was drugged and ring-sausaged all night long >this book is just a gayrape fantasy and not suitable for kids >end presentation mfw tutor quits, recommends to parents i see therapist
: Anonymous 12/22/23(Fri)10:19:16 No.22857923 842 KB JPG >failing high school english literature >parents get me tutor >told to read A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickins >book supposedly is a classical of literature >tutor says is about true meaning of christmas >read it and give tutor a presentation on book >start presentation >dude pretending to be ghost comes into Scrooge's bedroom every night >door conveniently always unlocked >holds Scrooge's hand and takes him to different parties >ghost randomly claims its the past, present or future >Scrooge wakes up each morning in bed feeling queasy >unsure if night before actually happened >clearly Scrooge was drugged and ring-sausaged all night long >this book is just a gayrape fantasy and not suitable for kids >end presentation mfw tutor quits, recommends to parents i see therapist

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Anon gets a present | /r/Greentext

209 KB PNG >>453006945 # >>4530 Anonymous (ID 4 KB JPG mom 523 KB PNG 3203 what did you get for christmas? >>453004259 (OP) # same thing as every chrismas a snickers bar in an evelope, it came a few days ago and i already ate it i dont know who sends it but i think its my ive just been getting them for just 20 years now and it never comes with a card but the wrapper always has "to oscar, a special boy" written on it with peppermint marker my names not oscar but i think it might be my real name im adopted >>453005357 # >>453005405 # >>453005447 # >>453009705 # >>453009989 # >>453010134 # >>453010302 # >>453011479 # >>453011720 # >>453012355 # >>453015296 # >>453018938 # >>453019520 #
209 KB PNG >>453006945 # >>4530 Anonymous (ID 4 KB JPG mom 523 KB PNG 3203 what did you get for christmas? >>453004259 (OP) # same thing as every chrismas a snickers bar in an evelope, it came a few days ago and i already ate it i dont know who sends it but i think its my ive just been getting them for just 20 years now and it never comes with a card but the wrapper always has "to oscar, a special boy" written on it with peppermint marker my names not oscar but i think it might be my real name im adopted >>453005357 # >>453005405 # >>453005447 # >>453009705 # >>453009989 # >>453010134 # >>453010302 # >>453011479 # >>453011720 # >>453012355 # >>453015296 # >>453018938 # >>453019520 #

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Unseen Sorrows | /r/Greentext

A ymous TIL Autistic depression 48 KB JPG 12/25/23(Mon)06:59:47 No.75881635 >Boyfriend complains to me about his problems on Christmas eve while he is surrounded by his loving family on his little cross country vacation >I listen to him diligently, try to comfort him, offer advice, etc because I love him >He thanks me, calms down >Try to complain about my own problems, completely alone in my house, crying, suicidal >He tells me he's going to sleep now Should I just kill myself?
A ymous TIL Autistic depression 48 KB JPG 12/25/23(Mon)06:59:47 No.75881635 >Boyfriend complains to me about his problems on Christmas eve while he is surrounded by his loving family on his little cross country vacation >I listen to him diligently, try to comfort him, offer advice, etc because I love him >He thanks me, calms down >Try to complain about my own problems, completely alone in my house, crying, suicidal >He tells me he's going to sleep now Should I just kill myself?

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Anon's relationship woes | /r/Greentext

wallahi i'm finished Screenshot_20231220-212935~3.png 703 KB PNG >be me, single >meet girl through mutual >start texting and immediately hit it off, great chemistry >she has the same energy I do and she has similar interests >she even listens to f------ death grips h-------- >haven't known her for long but already feel a bigger connection with her than I have with my exes. >she lives a whole state away >know barely any long distance relationships are good at all >bruh
wallahi i'm finished Screenshot_20231220-212935~3.png 703 KB PNG >be me, single >meet girl through mutual >start texting and immediately hit it off, great chemistry >she has the same energy I do and she has similar interests >she even listens to f------ death grips h-------- >haven't known her for long but already feel a bigger connection with her than I have with my exes. >she lives a whole state away >know barely any long distance relationships are good at all >bruh

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Anons in the holiday spirit | /r/Greentext

: 1:31 D onymous stmas movie map will Most Popular Christmas Movie Character By State (Based On Geotagged Twitter Data) 12/24/23(Sun)13:23:05 No.193707431 Imao Louisiana 220 78i00.png 631 KB PNG W-- is wrong with Nevada and Mississippi Butter 604 67% : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:23:52 No.193707462 Based Michigan : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:25:20 No.193707514 >>193707431 (OP) # >all the Gen-X and Millennial retired goths moved to Seattle that tracks : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:25:28 No.193707520 : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:26:10 No.193707555 >>193707431 (OP) # >Washington living in a perpetual nightmare Sounds about right : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:27:03 No.193707589 >>193707431 (OP) # White women love Elf so much. : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:27:42 No.193707621 >>193707431 (OP) # This is a much better Americlap Civil War 2 Boogaloo map than A24slop : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:28:17 No.193707658 >>193707431 (OP) # >California, Texas and Florida having the same s--- taste : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:28:47 No.193707688 >>193707431 (OP) # >no year without a santa claus F--- this s------- country but ESPECIALLY f--- the die hard states : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:28:50 No.193707691 >Washington >Nightmare Of f------ course, god I hate Seattle, it's more of a Halloween movie than Christmas anyway
: 1:31 D onymous stmas movie map will Most Popular Christmas Movie Character By State (Based On Geotagged Twitter Data) 12/24/23(Sun)13:23:05 No.193707431 Imao Louisiana 220 78i00.png 631 KB PNG W-- is wrong with Nevada and Mississippi Butter 604 67% : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:23:52 No.193707462 Based Michigan : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:25:20 No.193707514 >>193707431 (OP) # >all the Gen-X and Millennial retired goths moved to Seattle that tracks : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:25:28 No.193707520 : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:26:10 No.193707555 >>193707431 (OP) # >Washington living in a perpetual nightmare Sounds about right : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:27:03 No.193707589 >>193707431 (OP) # White women love Elf so much. : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:27:42 No.193707621 >>193707431 (OP) # This is a much better Americlap Civil War 2 Boogaloo map than A24slop : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:28:17 No.193707658 >>193707431 (OP) # >California, Texas and Florida having the same s--- taste : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:28:47 No.193707688 >>193707431 (OP) # >no year without a santa claus F--- this s------- country but ESPECIALLY f--- the die hard states : Anonymous 12/24/23(Sun)13:28:50 No.193707691 >Washington >Nightmare Of f------ course, god I hate Seattle, it's more of a Halloween movie than Christmas anyway

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